Amazingly, Narcissists Cannot See This Pervasive Pattern

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Amazingly, Narcissists Cannot See This Pervasive Pattern

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Күн бұрын

Each of the many ingredients of narcissism guarantees stress and strain, but lacking awareness, narcissists continue on. Dr. Les Carter pinpoints one major pattern that should be glaringly obvious to them. Yet they push on despite the evidence that they are flailing.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his KZfaq channel, his videos have received more than 100 million views.
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Пікірлер: 379

@Teacher369 8 ай бұрын

You can’t explain narcissism to a narcissist. They won’t get it. They don’t see their patterns of behavior because they ARE their patterns of behavior. 👋 Dr Carter ☀️ 🐕

@yukio_saito 8 ай бұрын

So true. They won’t get it. 😮

@caroleminke6116 8 ай бұрын

Mine understood narcissism & readily accepted it 😢

@mday3821 8 ай бұрын

Very well stated!👍

@malwads1836 8 ай бұрын

@@caroleminke6116They may have accepted the name but it doesn't mean they fully grasp the weight of it.They know they hurt others...But the insight ends there,they don't 👀 how it all comes back to wreck THEIR own life over the long-term from doing their nasty things🙄😮‍💨.

@usauditresponse 8 ай бұрын

Sometimes we can, I've been working on myself for a couple of years now because I'm tired of living an empty life and not having real connections with people like I see on shows or on the streets.

@rebellucy6200 8 ай бұрын

Unless it PERSONALLY effects them they just cannot see much of anything.

@Floridafanatic28 8 ай бұрын

Even when it DOES effect them there will always be things they will never see. If bad things happen to them because of their behaviour and they lose their family it will always be someone elses fault.

@caroleminke6116 8 ай бұрын

Totally self absorbed 😊

@camb9064 8 ай бұрын

Even then, they still continue on. It's a losing battle. It's better to disengage if at all possible.

@malwads1836 8 ай бұрын

@Floridafanatic28 Exactly!My narc father never took good care of his health & even when something basic like that eventually would backfire...The 🌎 is out to get him, nobody is trustworthy & they will throw you under the bus to profit off of it, it could somehow never be predicted, etc🤢.It's like a much WORSE nastier version of a toddler.They WON'T take accountability and they also have delusions of grandeur & as a result basically have little to no ability to actually learn from mistakes🙄.They 💭 they can gaslight their way out of everything but eventually reality hits them like a 🧱 even if they don't want to 👀 at it.

@henrykujawa4427 8 ай бұрын

Ahh-- like conservatives. (My brother is both.)

@marieborchardt2910 8 ай бұрын

" Do you like being the poster child for psychological rot?" 🤣🤣🤣 You have to laugh sometimes, it's so tragic.

@merin797 8 ай бұрын

Ouch!!!

@mythologic 8 ай бұрын

Triple whammy today. I went to work to file documents for the behavioral sciences company I work for. The lady in charge was all over me with nit picking and off hand gaslighting. I held my GROUND without getting upset and doing a lot of internal work instead of getting angry and reacting. My two parents are both narcissists and were on me all kinds of impertinent garbage ... I HELD MY GROUND and kept calm and used emotional intelligence. Narcissists are all over the place, BUT we can first understand who they are and react intelligently.

@maristoldboys5466 8 ай бұрын

Well done! You handled it like a champ.🏆 Prayers and best wishes from Fiji in Jesus' Name.☦️🕊☘️✡️🌅🌴🇫🇯✨🥥🐟🧡🗻👑

@sugarpuddin 8 ай бұрын

The people, by and large, instinctually reward narcissists with power and privilege's. Perhaps an ancient protection mechanism. Narcissists will often pursue power, politics, bureaucracy, heads of industry, and positions that provide power. It makes for a rotten world around us! Perhaps one day people will learn and stop rewarding narcissists

@howarddavies782 8 ай бұрын

I feel the same that narcissists are everywhere especially as I've learned a lot more about the subject. The trouble is after putting up with it for so long my tolerance towards it is zero and I want to call them out on it all the time. However, no reaction is the reaction as far as narcs are concerned. Act as though you don't give a monkeys about what they say or if you can't resist it tell them you don't. They're just cowards trying to make themselves feel better by running others down- how sad.

@bradmcewen 8 ай бұрын

They have no idea of a previous targets well earned awareness and cluster b knowledge. We're no Dr. C. but got a good honorary degree.

@ladennayoung2939 8 ай бұрын

Great advice. Thanks for sharing. God bless. It is challenging not to react in a negative manner.

@harmonizedigital. 8 ай бұрын

Narcissism is the secret cornerstone to every empire that has ever risen and every empire that has ever fallen." - Peter York

@globalvillage423 7 ай бұрын

Including Totalitarian systems. Stalin was a narcissist.

@user-qv9nw1dq2f 8 ай бұрын

You have named it so well dr Carter. Narcisists are on a path of psychological decay and it is ongoing. You can not reason with an unreasonable person, what you can do though is to distance yourself and stay as far away from those insane individuals as possible.

@TheMazinoz 8 ай бұрын

Yes, unless they get one huge reality check they'll continue to do their utmost to create conflict, you don't reason or negotiate or communicate with them. They are too intent on wanting to be aggressive, the "top dog" at all costs.

@TheMazinoz 8 ай бұрын

@SpiritLove722 Hope you can find a way out of the situation. Some mad narc neighbours make me want to sell and move but I can't afford to at this stage and wouldn't if it were not for them. I actually suspect that they are acting this way in order to buy my property, going on what one of them actually said to me. They are just truly evil people. Can you get some outside advice on the issues?

@lfp61 8 ай бұрын

i’m so sorry that’s happening to you

@mythologic 7 ай бұрын

@@TheMazinoz Hmmmm. Tell me about the whole situation so I can, of course, see both angles. 🧐😆

@83CarlosI 8 ай бұрын

I would say that they often think that all people act the same way as them. That lack of awareness is also a major red flag to look out for.

@rosieE121 8 ай бұрын

The narcissist cuts you down with criticism and then says they need to be loved! Go figure on that. It gets them hated more than loved.

@marycumming8461 8 ай бұрын

People who want to continuously grow in character and people who want to continuously be enabled are not compatible with each other.

@patm.-xq5tr 8 ай бұрын

"Psychological decay" is an interesting way to look at their inability to grow & learn. The final outcome is their death- & they can't control that! So sad.

@l.5832 8 ай бұрын

When I saw my narc husband repeatedly doing the same behaviours that had led to trouble in the past I thought of a Simpsons episode where Lisa made a rat maze where the rat learned after one try not to touch the switch or it would get a shock. Throughout the entire episode it would flash back to Bart touching the switch and getting a shock......never learning.....

@patm.-xq5tr 7 ай бұрын

L: yep, they just don't learn 😂

@carparthero 8 ай бұрын

i never met a narcissist that could even be accused of being able to self-reflect. never mind one, that could ever take accountability for their actions. narcissists only care about things that advance, protect or maintain their interests. cheers from southern ontario, canada🍁

@malwads1836 8 ай бұрын

They care about now.... They're not known for carefully planning ahead for the long-term,it tends to come back to haunt them in various ways especially in older age.

@carparthero 8 ай бұрын

@@malwads1836 yep, narcs are very impulsive pylons, they only care about now, they don't think long-term, or even short term for that matter. all the best in 2024! -cheers, steven

@carparthero 8 ай бұрын

@@malwads1836 well said, the narcissistic collapse, like father time, remains undefeated. happy holidays 🎄and all the best in 2024. -cheers, steven

@malwads1836 8 ай бұрын

@@carparthero Enjoy your upcoming year as well🌞👍.

@carparthero 8 ай бұрын

@@malwads1836 thanks. 💙 let's continue to expose toxic people, one narcissist at a time. -cheers, steven

@laurelbarlow5733 8 ай бұрын

The wicked people destroy themselves by their own evil.

@laura.danisi8590 8 ай бұрын

RUN FROM THESE PEOPLE!

@yukio_saito 8 ай бұрын

Yes. 🏃‍♀💨💨

@fred.k9875 8 ай бұрын

Control gets them out of control!

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

Yep!

@edith4334 8 ай бұрын

I've been saying always the more you want to control the more you lose control. Happy new year to all

@merin797 8 ай бұрын

When I was 10 years old, I went to a dude ranch in Montana. First time I ever road a horse. Horse got spooked and we all took off into the woods. Instinctively I figured out if I wanted to survive I’d have to loosen my body while hanging on but not too tight so that I got bucked off.. It worked.;-)

@olyooshka 8 ай бұрын

..Cold towards others while acutely passionate about the self..

@roxymovie3938 8 ай бұрын

Narcissists cannot see their ongoing destructive pattern. Everything they do will backfire. I remember the Sociopath telling me, "Everywhere I go, people get moved." At that time I did not know he was a puppeteer. For me the paradox is that they can move so fast forward in life from the outside for the Narcs I know are all man/woman of action. This can look at first sight very constructive and thriving. But in fact they are the actors of destructiveness from the inside because everything they do is to get something out of it through manipulation, demanding and forcing. They want to win short term but all they receive is long term destruction - to others and to themselves.

@t_nels 8 ай бұрын

They don't stop with you, they will attempt to destroy your whole family.

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

Hey Roxy, keep an eye out for next Thursday's new video about sociopaths.

@t_nels 8 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism When researching sociopath it says they have been in trouble with the law. Is this always the case?

@roxymovie3938 8 ай бұрын

@@t_nels Yes, Teresa, they very often have trouble with law for they just do not care (no moral compass). For example the sociopath I knew would not pay his bills on time, he lost his driving lisence several times etc.

@roxymovie3938 8 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks, Les, for the info and I sure will keep an eye on that specific video about sociopaths.

@julietardos5044 8 ай бұрын

My mother's husband had a stroke, and she kicked him out. She went around telling people that he "abandoned" her. And now she's wondering why she was left out of his death notice.

@fred.k9875 8 ай бұрын

Periodic Raging anger.

@amandaliverpool3374 8 ай бұрын

Good point, Fred 👍 Liking the hat 🤗

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

What Amanda said!

@fred.k9875 8 ай бұрын

@@amandaliverpool3374thank you Amanda 😊 God bless you!

@neuesachlichkeit6919 7 ай бұрын

You gravely UNDER estimate their ability to look at something dead-on and say "Nuh-uh!" and GET AWAY WITH IT

@sharonjones5173 8 ай бұрын

Low levels of empathy? How about NONE. They have zero heart, soul or compassion for anyone in any capacity. They are so mired in their anger and their overblown egos any needs of others are completely nonexistent.

@shanna72030709 7 ай бұрын

The benefit of going on the healing journey. My ex-husband & I started dating at ages 16 & 18 and married at 22 & 24. We were married for 23 years before he discarded me. At that time he kept saying that we were so very different & I was so bothered by that - how we were together for just shy of 29 years if we were so different. Now 6 years after being discarded & almost 4 years divorced - how I appreciate that we were “so different.” I grew through the years & he didn’t but unfortunately I did not realize that while in the marriage. After he left I learned who he truly was - after the years of working through all that shock - we were so different. I grew & he was decaying through the years but I wasn’t able to see it clearly at the time. But he put me in a different direction on the forward moving path after he left; the path was so broken, broken to my core, but I kept forward & moved onto my path of healing.

@stzfree5709 8 ай бұрын

Pretending too long makes one what they pretented to be, it has finally become practice. Playing the victim as a fake strategy all the time is how they never get over being one for real.

@deemaysie6568 8 ай бұрын

Yes, ABSOLUTELY this!

@geezelouise3261 8 ай бұрын

My Mom actually said to me " your dad and I didn't have any problems any more after you kids moved out" (5:49 in this clip). Thats because Dad wouldn't make a move without her telling him what to do. He just gave up. I had lots of therapy and learned when talking with her (I couldn't go no contact - my only sibling died at 28 and I was 'all they had left') that I should never give her any information about myself because it gave her ammunitionto attack me. I just keep the focus on her and her endless complaints. She had no empathy for anyone except herself and stirred up trouble wherever she was. She came alive when she started conflict.

@t_nels 8 ай бұрын

You are a better person than I. I feel determined not to fall into the 'only one trap'. I have a brother who does his thing and lives a few hours away with the excuse he has a cold personality. After watching my mother ignore my father's pleas and make everything about her in his final months I just can't! The hospice nurse says she won't accept help. She will have to hire someone. My cousin disconnected her mother's (her sister) landline in Germany so she is not in contact (to save her mother I am sure).

@TheMazinoz 8 ай бұрын

They live for conflict, being able to bully others.

@dimitrabouzalas3090 8 ай бұрын

It sounds like you still have contact with your mother. You do seem to have good boundaries. It also sounds like you are still in contact because there is an obligation. With a few gaps over my life, I maintained contact with my mother until she passed away. Looking back, I don’t know if I did what’s best - for me, and it seems strange, but also for her. There were some gains in our lives, but also many losses in my life.

@jenniferfinck3673 8 ай бұрын

God! That’s the reason I love channels like this! You could have just been describing me. For me too, it’s like my father just gave up. So sad. And my mother just gets worse with age. ALL she does is talk about herself; what SHE wants. Then pretends to be incredibly religious. It was SO hard having her as a mother. I’m 52, and to this day, I’ve never felt like I had a mother; quite the opposite. I had to parent her! Awful. But it is nice to know that there are places like this that help with the loneliness.

@t_nels 8 ай бұрын

@@dimitrabouzalas3090 The reason I see my mother is to spend time with my Dad. When my father passes I need to go NC. I feel asking the good vs the bad sounds a callous question to ask and realize the answer would be different for everyone. I can't imagine being involved when she has and continues to manipulate my family. I have to be honest and admit she is getting worse and I can't help her. I see her with my father and it really gets to me. I can't handle what she has done to the whole family. How can I remain in it? I would have to be so guarded about anything said in my life and I am trying to thrive, and survive.

@monarene44 8 ай бұрын

“Poster child for psychological rot”😂😂😂

@tbunnyshy1 8 ай бұрын

🎯😂👻

@usauditresponse 8 ай бұрын

I'm a recovering narcissist myself, it's exhausting but doable. Been working on it for a few years now and if I slip back to those old ways I verbalize it with whomever it is I'm talking to. I ask for forgiveness and explain I'm trying to be a better person.

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

I respect your efforts. Make sure you watch the video, 7 Changes That Would Wipe Out Narcissism.

@usauditresponse 8 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism watching it now, I'll take any help to move forward. Thank you

@TheBlondiekitten 8 ай бұрын

My mother is a narcissistic and a borderline personality undiagnosed and over functioning. Any problem will be projected onto whoever is there and when you want her to be accountable for her poor behaviour she will deflect, be cruel, betray any trust to maintain control or even reinvent what actually happened. So …. Instead of worrying what my mother thinks and wants …. I keep my ground and do what’s best for me and my sanity. I am working with guilt and shame all the time because I would love my family to be healthy but it’s not. I feel ashamed that I cannot be there for her as she ages because she is incredibly difficult to be around. Is there any way you could help with reframing the guilt that I know a lot of us feel? I am so grateful ❤

@thebeboshow4421 8 ай бұрын

I focus on the first equation which is, is this a good trade of my time. Any other calculations I don’t do. That’s how I reframe guilt.

@darleneschreiber9415 8 ай бұрын

"I feel ashamed that I cannot be there for her as she ages..." Perfectly stated! I'm 60...my narc (mother) is a young 78. She's healthy (much to her dismay 🙄), but I'm already guilt-ridden for knowing I won't be caring for her when, and if, she has health issues. I've worked too hard to build my own health to EVER allow her to destroy it again! But, she'll likely outlive me anyway. 😄 Narcs almost always outlive everyone around them!

@lindabell2940 8 ай бұрын

Guilt and shame, will eat you alive, I'm not supposed to be ugly, from Texas, we rule with humanity, my class with my Doctor , you folks give me strength, thanks for having a real good heart

@AlexLouiseWest 8 ай бұрын

I don’t know if this will help with the guilt, but if you think of their tendency to view everyone as a source of supply, then it makes no sense for one person to try to do everything for them because it will never be enough. They will just burn you out. Tbh it’s never good for one person to provide care singlehanded, for all sorts of practical and emotional reasons. But a narcissist needs a team. They might even comply with having lots of different carers if they view it as their entourage!

@l.5832 8 ай бұрын

I visited my 97 year old narc mother in the hospital days before she died. I thought maybe she would indicate some remorse for her behaviour toward me. Nope. She was mean to the end, even speaking badly about my sister who was her golden child and the one she gave my inheritance to, saying she didn't want HER to inherit either. I'm glad I went to see her because now I know she did NOT love my sister OR me. She was just a hateful pathetic person to the end and I did my best. I feel no guilt.

@Simbaholic 8 ай бұрын

My narc mom and her enablers are proud of the fact that they constantly get rejected and kicked out of places because "you know you're doing something right when people hate you." Utterly delusional.

@tbunnyshy1 8 ай бұрын

“Dignity, civility and respect” has saved me time and time again. It keeps things simple when I feel overwhelmed with figuring out what to say or how to react. Narcissists can stay in their cartoon character roles. The less time we waste with them, the better. I choose to go outside for a walk with my dog. Haha 😀🦮🤗❤️

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

Gus and I agree about the need for that walk!

@amandaliverpool3374 8 ай бұрын

Sounds good 👍

@lynne-du9ql 7 ай бұрын

I'm getting a dog asap...HE will know when it's in my arms. End of. Thanks

@PT13Pilot 8 ай бұрын

Another dead on description, Doc!!!! When you find yourself trying to explain, with great care and detail, fundamental things we all know to someone who can’t and won’t grasp these things, RUN!!!! No amount of talking about why doing things alone with former lovers is bad, the sky is in fact blue, and constantly insulting me is bad. You are talking to a child in adult form, no amount of logic or reason will get to them. Just run. I wish I had sooner. But peace is returning. Thank you for all you do Doc! You’ve been a beacon of truth in a dark time for me.

@malwads1836 8 ай бұрын

It really is like dealing with a person with a form of psychosis...Their view of the 🌎 & everyone in it is amazingly warped, inaccurate,and hopelessly broken with no hope of any effective treatment options 😱💩💩💩.

@TheMazinoz 8 ай бұрын

Absolutely.

@vickit3124 8 ай бұрын

I’m with you - in exactly the same space 😊

@vickit3124 8 ай бұрын

Peace is returning - I ran….best to you 💐

@PT13Pilot 7 ай бұрын

@@vickit3124 keep going! It gets better every day! 😇👍

@elainesmith5313 8 ай бұрын

This is such a sad reality for us all. I watched my deceased spouse fall into this before he died. He became simply put mindless. Couldn't reason out the simplist problem. Very indifferent and arguminative at the least thing. So ineqt and unwilling to listen or learn. I just learned that small talk was best and just minded my own business and takjng care of things that needed attention. He remjnded me of a 12 yr old child who had had no dicipline. Just Sad! His mother is 91 yrs old now and acts just like he did. Loud; argumentive, insulting and evil. A sad existance. What a relief when ghey pass on Dr. C. Thank you!

@malwads1836 8 ай бұрын

My narc father is reaping what he himself has sown in older age.He always overspent on frivolous things & never took good care of his health & now it's backfiring.Instead of taking accountability for himself he's just ranting & raving about how awful the 🌎 and everyone in it is,that nobody is trustworthy(even loved ones) because they will try to scam you out of greed or desperation,etc🤢.They absolutely get worse with age & DON'T do well under pressure.

@bridgetmcbride6634 8 ай бұрын

Early on (before I knew what I was dealing with) I couldn't help constantly questioning, "Can't you see? Can't you see what you're doing here?" NOPE. And it's hard to wrap your head around that. And yes, they do become a caricature of themselves. :( Wishing you a wonderful and safe 2024, Dr. C! (Gus, too!)

@SuzyBee-zs9hb 8 ай бұрын

And I think (before you know what you’re dealing with) it contributes to an emotionally healthy person blaming themselves initially, or thinking they are the crazy one… the idea that someone could be so emotionally stunted… it COULDN’T be that, surely? - oh, yep, actually it is 🙈😨🤯

@TheMazinoz 8 ай бұрын

@@SuzyBee-zs9hb Yes, at first you question yourself, if something could have been misinterpreted. Nope. It really is them. But don't worry, they treat everyone like this, and eventually will find themselves isolated and maybe even a laughing stock.

@vtmegrad98 8 ай бұрын

My narcissistic wife, who has been dragging our divorce on for 16 months and counting, probably just to stretch the free (for her) health insurance on longer: "We wouldn't have to fight if you just did what I tell you to do."

@TheMazinoz 8 ай бұрын

Classic narcissism

@denicehaley9902 7 ай бұрын

Autonomic Dictator!

@25N77 8 ай бұрын

I heard you mention that selfishness could be in a person with narcissistic tendencies. We are older so we have a nice lady who comes in every 2 weeks to clean for us. Since it was just past Christmas and soon to be end of the year, I suggested a healthy bonus for her. My spouse got a little upset saying that was too much. So with her expected pushback, I doubled the bonus on purpose. When she delivered the check including the bonus to the nice lady and also unexpectedly the lady gave my spouse a huge hug. For the rest of the day, she bragged about getting the hug and that the cleaning lady was so happy. She fully objected to a bonus that was half of what the end bonus was and yet bragged about getting the credit for making the lady happy. Yep. Somedays one just has to hold their breath.

@deemaysie6568 8 ай бұрын

I know people who do exactly the same thing. It's like entering the evil twilight zone. It must be brain damage - only explanation. They truly dehumanise everybody else except themselves!

@jillgarcia265 8 ай бұрын

Haha yes, my stepmother once had a backyard patio party for 6 to celebrate me & my spouse visiting after we moved out of state (best move ever btw). Her oldest best friend gave us a little box of truffles as a gift and she went ballistic. She was furious I got a gift and she, as hostess with the mostest, should have been given the little 6-truffle box of chocolates! She was beet red, pulled me into a separate room to berate me for accepting the gift and backstabbed her “best” friend for bringing so uncouth and “déclassé “. I just went back to the party and gave her the little box of chocolates and told her it’s the thought and kindness that counts and was not meant to insult her as hostess. Jeez these narcs are unreal

@ShadowVamppyre 8 ай бұрын

Thank you. I’m so glad I found this channel. Grew up with a narcissistic domineering “father” and a “mother” who was so depressed and miserable she took it out on me. Then married a narcissist, and dealt with 13 years of narcissistic abuse and tendencies before he began an affair, culminating in a divorce just after our 15th wedding anniversary. I’m almost 2 years out from the divorce being finalized and still emotionally scarred and vulnerable. Subscribed and going to your sponsor’s website now. Thank you.

@sharonjones5173 8 ай бұрын

Sending you love and peace.

@ThisIsMe155 7 ай бұрын

May God Bless and Heal you on this v painful (and worthwhile) journey. 😥🙏🌈 xxx

@ladennayoung2939 8 ай бұрын

Yes. They are VERY childish.

@audreydugan9668 8 ай бұрын

To remain civil, decent, caring is the most difficult thing to do, but it detaches me from their sad miserable center of discontent and blame - DRC (also a powerful mantra to keep in your heart) is the only way to respond when confronted with this emotional black hole, and this is where I am at. I fail sometimes but mostly I stand DRC

@caroleminke6116 8 ай бұрын

Black hole is so obvious 😢 suction into a destructive whirlpool

@TheMazinoz 8 ай бұрын

@@caroleminke6116 Yes, eventually when other people get to see how they act and how you act, light will dawn.

@user-we8ek7ku7d 8 ай бұрын

I had a relationship with someone who I now believe was a very very low grade covert narcissist. They were in therapy and they were able to gain some insight into their behaviour, but they never made any changes to their behaviour at all. They could acknowledge their low self esteem, and even share with me what their therapist had described about them; selfish, lack of empathy, questionable principles, using people, arrested emotional development. But this induced too much shame, something they spoke about regularly and I never once heard them say they wanted to be better. When I left them, they quickly found a new better source of narcissistic supply, someone who give them their goals in life and shored up that validation and they' been in that relationship for a long-time. They viewed relationships as transactional, what's in it for them. She actually said that to me. They haven't suffered from being narcissistic at all. They have had regular professional work, have never suffered unemployment, have a loving family who care for them, and a partner who appears to adore them still after two decades. They left a trail of destruction behind them, but they didn't suffer at all. They are a covert narcissist that had all of the traits, it was just very very subtle, more than what is being described on the youtube video's.

@deemaysie6568 8 ай бұрын

My sister-in-law is EXACTLY like this. Thanks for the very accurate description.

@user-we8ek7ku7d 7 ай бұрын

Thanks for reading@@deemaysie6568

@chelseasmith9242 8 ай бұрын

Exactly, as its all a facade and a fantasy and not reality with these individuals.

@user-pj9ms1bj2c 8 ай бұрын

Familiar with these types. Unfortunately, I have been repeatedly targeted by narcissistic abusers due to desiring independence from them and placing boundaries. I have corrected their behavior many times for them to shut up or insult me, steal from me, target me in organized hate crimes. Thankfully, there are people that help protect my vulnerabilities as an adult with CPTSD and GDD - starting orientation at the police academy and heading to university to study environmental science and a few other things. Taking some online courses for conflict management and finding resolution while focusing on career advancement and environmental conservation. I just hope people get the help they need. Thank you for your guidance. It is better to break cycles than continue them.

@RyanMichaelMoulden 8 ай бұрын

Good luck with the studying:)

@lynne-du9ql 7 ай бұрын

What is GDD?

@amandaliverpool3374 8 ай бұрын

Definitely destructive and not constructive. Thanks doc 🙏

@aaronkwolfe 8 ай бұрын

Honestly scratching my head over this. Unless it is some positive pattern or behavior in their target. Anything that I did wrong (or could be interpreted as such) was easily noted and saved for future (or present) accusation/condemnation.

@t_nels 8 ай бұрын

Yes, this is intriguing. They seem to know how everything works, always steps ahead.

@Teacher369 8 ай бұрын

👊 Aaron, that’s a lot of hate. I bet they can’t see that either.

@aaronkwolfe 8 ай бұрын

@@Teacher369 Don’t see their own. But to conjure it out of grey rock? Easy.

@aaronkwolfe 8 ай бұрын

Actually, I'm expecting to be amazed.

@t_nels 8 ай бұрын

@@aaronkwolfe I am glad we see titles days in advance. It's time to think on it.

@Non-Artificial-Intelligence 8 ай бұрын

Thanks so much Dr. C! It is amazing to me that the world is being covered more and more with these type of people, and this trend shows nothing but increase.

@jeannedouglas9912 8 ай бұрын

God forbid, yet it does seem to be the popular method of getting. The narcissist can never get enough , whatever the need is. The pattern of usery and abuse is seen hopefully a whole lot sooner than later. Toast to John Lennons song of and So This is Christmas. What are we doing to each other?

@Snezanah 8 ай бұрын

No toast..... Problems etc...its at this world and we need to pray, Jesus came for us and did not leave us, it's all about Him, Christmas, and not about a world doing their own way thinking what they think how it should be and all without even looking and try to find out what God our Father wants from us. We can pray for narcs, but further to try what Dr.Les say to us to do because I think he has the insight and ofcourse God sees what happened with all of us, so God willing that he made Dr.Les good advisor and Holy Spirit leads him and so to guide us, something like that😊.

@CJ-hz1uj 8 ай бұрын

We’ll see. Awareness is growing.

@darinsmith2458 8 ай бұрын

i have been hanging out with the prince of peace and that goes against what narcissists are all about..

@heathermixson1265 8 ай бұрын

Psychological decay. Perfect description. Sure makes me look at this in a more logical sense. Thank you Dr. Carter!

@beyourowntruelove 8 ай бұрын

On Christmas Day, The malignant narcissist father talked incessantly about 2 separate banking transaction troubles and the inefficiency of the 2 banking institutions for well over 30 minutes of our 40 minute holiday call. I said to him Im sorry you’re so stressed out - to which he said im not stressed Im frustrated. And got off the phone. Psychological decay really sums it up about these characters.

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

Sadly, he has low self awareness.

@JWorth142 8 ай бұрын

Wow. One of your best ever, Dr. C.

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

Glad it resonated!!

@caroleminke6116 8 ай бұрын

Tough but true 😊

@NavaSDMB 8 ай бұрын

A pattern of my mother's that it took me a long time to understand and accept was her complete inability to keep her word. She'll make a promise because she wants you to be happy with her - without understanding that you don't want the promise, you want the change.

@treesab2823 8 ай бұрын

Sometimes I wish I were still oblivious to certain narcs, the covert love bombers who whack you with backhanded compliments that I was too naive to recognize coming from someone I trusted. Now I am low contact and on high alert. It makes me uncomfortable to realize who they are. It gets worse as they age, I am only trying to get better. At understanding, forgiving, and finding people who are real.

@lauracoussens6207 8 ай бұрын

“But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. For jealousy and selfishness are not God's kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.” James 3:14-16.

@tatendadune171 8 ай бұрын

You've just described my bosses and a colleague to a tee. Nine months of their BS and I finally called it quits. They just don't see fault in themselves and they liked to exploit me. And the worst one of the three saw fault in the other two but couldn't see it in herself. Outrageous!

@joes973 3 ай бұрын

I told a narcissist that I didn't envy their life. I haven't heard from him in 3 years.

@pinkposey8134 8 ай бұрын

This describes the decent in perfect detail. In our small community, there is a community group where the lead narc (outspoken critic of everything) posts daily on FB about the town. It is getting worse, very angry to all public leaders, LE, media. It is getting more and more uncivil. It is almost like a manifesto posted each day. Constant demeaning of people by name, making stuff up (of what goes on at the city level), 'posting it' is not going to end well at some point. 2 yrs now.

@caroleminke6116 8 ай бұрын

Black hole

@dkidder1367 7 ай бұрын

you just described my 81 year old neighbor. I started off wanting to help a senior citizen, but later found myself being insulted. He would show up at my door if i didn't respond fast enough. How did i get sucked in? Well, I went no contact, and it's challenging living next door. He's already sending crazy texts, and stopping his car in front of my house. For some crazy reason, he thinks that he is my boss. FYI, he has 7 ex wives, and 2 sons that don't want anything to do with him .

@judyhogarth80 8 ай бұрын

Thanks for this session. My neighbour narcissist is really going backwards. He shouted at me several years ago,and I have not spoken to him since. He made me into the problem until he shouted at several other people.he even lost several jobs because of this. Today he did the cheers signmat me and invited me for a drink!as you say it’s sad to the point of pitiable. Why would I have a drink with a man who shouts? He’s got no one in his life to have a drink with.his behaviour has made him alone, and he has a partner.he lives with someone.his behaviour is taking him backwards and I AM GOING FORWARDS.thanks again Judy from uk

@Alice-fr1ef 8 ай бұрын

They don't want to get it. They have spent a long time building that false self and they do not want give it up in any way. Thank you Dr. Carter for a very much needed and helpful video.

@usedscar 7 ай бұрын

I live w my only child. Now adult. He is a covert bully! I let him move back home, and am now afraid he'll never leave again. I am devastatingly sorry I let him come back. I have only learned much more fully about the narcissist this past year. He is really so sad and not gonna have anything I can see that's real except w his cat!

@donicadigs 8 ай бұрын

I’m amazed at how accurate you are. Thank you for verbalizing what I’ve seen for years. It’s a sad thing.

@SherryWilson-dk7bo 8 ай бұрын

Thank you Dr.C and Team Healthy. Great lesson today 🙂🙏❤️

@PATISLAV 7 ай бұрын

Great video about my parents. This is currently on the table in our family. The inability of my father to accept any criticism and to adapt to them, the intelectual laziness, the will to incite fights and blame others for it... it's hard

@robinsmith4499 7 ай бұрын

Decay is a good word. Decay destroys (rots) that which was strong. In construction you demo the decay and rebuild using improved materials. That is my narcissistic story. Rebuilding a healthy life style. Thank you Dr. C

@artistmaureensharkey5321 8 ай бұрын

I would like to thank you with all my heart, my improvement into health. Much went unrealized. But just now, during an encounter with a you- know-what, I used some of your insightful words, and it created a fortress around me. I said in response, ‘Sounds punitive’ - in a family group text. All she could respond with is ‘LOL’

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

So pleased to be on the path with you, Maureen. You are an inspiration.

@caroleminke6116 8 ай бұрын

Dr C literally spoke thru me & he saved my life 😊

@vanitamann7985 8 ай бұрын

My husband is an extreme narcissist. He does not want help or to change because he said that being the way he is kept him alive in Vietnam. He's gotten so much worse as he's aging but there is nothing I can do about the situation. I know that I'm here until one of us dies. At least he doesn't throw trash at me and shove me anymore. He hasn't cussed me out and called me names in about a year so that's a good thing. When I do correct him he is quickly to tell me how much better I must be than he is , in a very hateful tone. I never thought I'd be in a situation like this with no way out but I've been here for 46 years. It seems like it was a blur and very subtle. I feel helpless and hopeless. It's a miserable and useless feeling.

@sheenalarose7411 3 ай бұрын

Sadly you have described my sons wife to a T. He has been alienated from good people in his life, including family. We feel so sorry for him, he is a kind and gentle person. We also feel completely helpless but we continuosly let him know we love him no matter what and are here for him always.

@smac1823 7 ай бұрын

expecting a true narcissist to understand they're a narcissist is like expecting a fish to understand it's wet. 😂🎉 great points here, as always, DrC ... the cartoon thing had me rotflmao!!!

@user-bf1zi7fx9z 8 ай бұрын

Dr C. You are brilliant 😊 I love your method of speech. You are always SPOT ON !!! THANKS FOR HELPING ALL OF US IN NEED ❤

@malwads1836 8 ай бұрын

This is so timely...The other 🌃 my malignant narc father was ranting on & on about how awful the 🌎 is and how basically everyone shouldn't be trusted because they're just going to try to scam you in various ways🤦‍♀️.I'm quietly planning on going no-contact,his reality ISN'T my reality.

@whitelilium2626 7 ай бұрын

My therapist at BetterHelp is wonderful keeping me on my path towards healthy.

@SurvivingNarcissism 7 ай бұрын

Pleased!

@billstewart1747 8 ай бұрын

Halfway through the video……. This is one of your best! Thank you!!

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

Pleased!

@caroleminke6116 8 ай бұрын

He’s just spectacular ❤

@SuzyBee-zs9hb 8 ай бұрын

Here’s to Dr C, Team Healthy and flourishing in 2024 ❤

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

Here, Here!

@henrykujawa4427 8 ай бұрын

"Lack of civility"... "easily angered"... yeah, that's my (NOW-EX!) home care client all over. I'm currently suffering both physically and psychologically because of things that happened while I was working for that guy. At least the Physical Therapy I've had for the last several weeks has seen noticable improvement. The other thing... well, that's up in the air.

@rachelmcgill8143 8 ай бұрын

Excellent Video! ❤

@annettglass7290 8 ай бұрын

Hey Team Healthy friends 🙂❤️

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

Hey!

@Ellen-Seeker-of-Truth 8 ай бұрын

Wow Dr. C, U really hit this one out of the ballpark! U cut right to the core with this lesson, one of your best, at least for me.. THANK U ❤️ for all u do.. I'm so thankful for your channel and being part of Team Healthy! 👍🙏 thank u & God Bless!!

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

So pleased!

@linbat6148 8 ай бұрын

Thank you, Dr. C. Explains so much.

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

You are very welcome

@caroleminke6116 8 ай бұрын

He’s such a blessing ❤

@linbat6148 8 ай бұрын

@@caroleminke6116 Indeed! ❤

@caroleminke6116 8 ай бұрын

God bless you Dr C ❤ Dignity Respect Civility

@JBSpecialMusic 7 ай бұрын

At a recent social gathering, one guest brought up the subject of our narcissistic neighbor. Immediately, a second guest blurted, "Why do I have to keep hearing about this person I've never met?" Major palm to forehead moment for me! Not only do narcs infect the minds of their targets, but this infection extends into the target's inner circle. Physically moving, though stressful and costly, may be the only way to get the narc neighbor out of our consciousnesses and out of our conversations.

@JBSpecialMusic 7 ай бұрын

A core vulnerability of empaths, besides not owning an NR (narc radar), is that they're also not primed to objectively help others caught in NT's (narc traps). Only one friend was able to define our experience as gaslighting, which led us to our journey to understand and decode narcissism. Time invested to heal and reduce the odds of being fooled again.

@gabeee4332 7 ай бұрын

Narcissist has become such a generic name for someone who is difficult to be around...there is a BIG difference between someone who is just big mouth, liar, pain in the butt then a narcissist who has multiple mind manipulating personalities. A TRUE narcissist is amongst one of the most socially destructive evil personalities.

@stevenheart77 8 ай бұрын

Yes this is what I experienced in all facets. And the (not so) funny part is that the decay is blameshiftet away throughout the relationship and at the discard you just get it all dumped on you. Then they go into a new relationship, new supply in a shared fantasy. And experiencing this uncomplicated beginning of a new relationship. They think and say, see. It was all you. Only they dont see that the new decay is slowly starting again. And yes its somewhat cartoonlike. More than once I thought this is sort of laughable wouldnt there be children involved. But man o man the frustration, the humiliation in dealing with someone who shows no real empaty (there could be some fake lookalike behaviour) and lack of most basis human respect is the most difficult thing in my life by far. The navigating and have to build up from scratch after so much devaluation and the cold discard. Videos such as this are so helpfull. Thank you and best of luck to all who are in the wrestle with a person with narcssism. I would rather wrestle with a 15 ft anacondo in stead. 😅

@user-ow7tf6ze2k 7 ай бұрын

I had to laugh when I hear”I am surrounded by idiots”, rang a bell! Heard it several times over. I have been told that I am the problem. Time to get out!!!!!!!!! Seen the psychological decay!

@Melissa_John3_16 8 ай бұрын

I am currently in the middle of a silent treatment from my parent. There’s been three events since my son’s wedding in October that I started searching out videos regarding toxic parents. We have one more holiday coming up, the last I talk to her (11days) she hung up on me mad. Supposedly she’s going this weekend. I started searching for videos regarding toxic parents and I’m realizing this also includes my grandmother who lived with me and my parent. I started journaling I’ve got quite a few examples of what I went through growing up. I am amazed and horrified at what all I forgot! and I’m realizing now my grandma used to say to both me and my mom “Your just as good as everyone else, if not a little bit better! (The last part she would emphasize with cocking her head back-and-forth). Right after my grandmother died my mom turned me in front of my husband and two children and started repeating the same phrase, I stopped her before she got to the last part and I said no more. We’re just as good as everybody else and that’s it. The look on her face was like I slapped her.

@ccdm515 8 ай бұрын

I have had to say everyone is equal too smh. My aunts got in a fight. A relative brought it up and I said there are two sides and we weren’t there. They say well I really like aunt blank so I’m not saying anything bad about them. First of all they shamed me for no reason and second they are saying even if one person was wrong they don’t care because they are favored. I’m sure this mentality is a big reason smear campaigns get going.

@Melissa_John3_16 8 ай бұрын

@@ccdm515 I’m sorry. Yeah some people just don’t understand. It’s sad to see so many people went through this, but at the same time it makes me feel less crazy. And I feel guilty for finding a little comfort in that. Hang in there you’re not alone, Praying to God to help me heal, praying for her (it’s hard!) for her healing and to be born again. Journaling is helping. I’m trying to focus my attention on how I can better respond and not react and not dishonor her (for my sake) in any situation that may come up in the future. Because I know this is not over yet.

@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively 8 ай бұрын

I made it! I have a therapy call in awhile to discuss the remorse that I just can't shake...yet.

@l.5832 8 ай бұрын

Perhaps it is grief rather than remorse.

@amandaliverpool3374 8 ай бұрын

@@l.5832I agree 👍

@periwillow4859 7 ай бұрын

This is exactly right. I know exactly what you mean by the cartoon character. Eventually they become a belligerent bully at all times, and they start to try to bully and manipulate everyone they come into contact with with violent and aggressive screaming, and this starts to include a driving style of road rage. They become completely unbearable and domineering at an extreme level that involves constant screaming and a never ending filibuster of stories describing negative memories of what they have endured all their lives- most of which is make-believe. They also find ways to make sure you are completely miserable by breaking or stealing your belongings, poisoning you, etc…. IDK how they believe making everyone miserable and hate them is going to be healthy for them in the end, but they think they’re in charge of the world, and ultimately somebody intervenes to really put a stop to this behavior in a very unpleasant way, unfortunately.

@truuluvv 8 ай бұрын

This frightens me, you just described someone I love very much who I could not understand. Not frightened for myself, but for him. :(

@drandreaswilson 7 ай бұрын

Thank you for this helpful information! It describes my mother almost 100%. I realized a couple months ago that NPD is likely the cause of decades of dysfunction & the culprit for so much of the trauma I experienced growing up. My mother is 76 now and has not matured at all. She was diagnosed with Alzheimers disease a couple years ago in addition to a number of other chronic conditions, which she is unwilling to properly manage outside of medication. As her only child, realizing that this is what made my life a living hell at times is devastating and a relief simultaneously. Devastating because I endured so much, but a relief because now I know it was not just me imagining that her behavior was crazy. My faith in & relationship with God freed me from the bondage of continual manipulation, mind games, scapegoating and blaming me for her deep-rooted issues.

@leighwright6311 7 ай бұрын

I’m scared for my daughter. Was I a relationship with her father - I didn’t know what he was - and you have described exactly how he is - dying and not knowing it. She is showing signs of no empathy, very critical of others. I do not want this for my innocent child.

@Loukirb 8 ай бұрын

Please address a mother with a narcissist son of 22 can cope or deal with him.

@caroleminke6116 8 ай бұрын

Try gray rock ❤

@LilyFisher4 8 ай бұрын

Thank you Doctor. I am truly thankful for the knowledge, help and kindness you express in your videos 😊

@jnhrtmn 8 ай бұрын

I'm amazed at how strategic they can be, which looks smart on a certain level, while having a complete lack of empathy. It must be that their world is trimmed down just for them, and that's easier to deal with in the brain, I guess.

@WaterBug46 8 ай бұрын

Thanks Dr C. Your videos have been instrumental in my narc abuse awareness and healing. I’ve been with Better Help over two years now. I didn’t click with my first therapist but by me being more specific (trauma and narc aware) about my needs I’ve got a fabulous therapist now. I couldn’t recommend them enough. Blessings to you and yours Dr C!

@joannageorge7305 7 ай бұрын

Very insightful, as always. I witnessed this "caricature effect" not long ago. In my mind I described it as an alien trying and failing to act like a human. In a sense it was the same behaviour I'd known for decades, but it was equally twisted beyond recognition. Oddly enough I found it reassuring that so much venom was aimed at so many people rather than just at me. I always worry about becoming like this person. But if others are despised just like me, it must mean I'm resisting the internal rot.

@billbertrand7751 8 ай бұрын

Good morning

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

Yes it is.

@simev500 8 ай бұрын

Whoa, this is the strongest term I have yet hear Dr C use in this channel. Psychological Decay. It would derive from the phrase Moral Decay. I surmise.

@mandyhoskin4 7 ай бұрын

Thanks for clear language to describe the dilemmas. The alternative view of nurturing is definitely what I needed to hear today. I like seeing Gus just being Gus in the background :)

@percystreet 8 ай бұрын

Cartoonish…..YES…..the more I understand what I am dealing with, the more comical my wife’s antics become (rather than threatening)

@dalehopkins9612 7 ай бұрын

Thank you again Dr.Less ..I think youve found your "calling" and if you feel ya have not...I am sure will😊 in the mean time..thank you!!

@gjthomas9770 6 ай бұрын

You are so funny 😂. " What you have going on doesn't work " . That was awesome 😂

@judyosowa5516 8 ай бұрын

I chose Psychological flourishment not their evil destructive behavior

@caroleminke6116 8 ай бұрын

Lemme be the first to guess 🤷‍♀️ is it exploitative vs entitled? 🤦‍♀️ Or maybe empathy deficient as a close third 🙍‍♀️

@francesbernard2445 8 ай бұрын

None of us can know a person after only a short period of time. Most of all when their first language is not the same as my first language. Why then do so many people who have not experienced narcissistic abuse themselves so often assume that I must have done wrong through my character flaws instead of me being an average teenager who fell in with the wrong crowd a friend of mine was getting to know in his paid work place while being a waiter there when welcoming that narcissistic behaving person into my life at the time. Dr. Carter can you imagine a pit bill terrier trying to scare away all of the strip joints in the city where you live enough for them all to decide they must leave town? That pit bull terrier would need more than only just a loud bark to accomplish that sort of thing. No one had to tell us here in Edmonton, Alberta Canada that threatening them with guns would be over reacting to them all. That is why it is a mystery as to why all of the strip joints have left Edmonton, Alberta Canada to never come back. Some false accuse Muslims. Others blame the police. Why not be thankful they left instead without fearing to be called self-righteous?