Felicia, I am American and that pisses me off too when people say they will do something and then not do it or not show up. I think it is rude too because you are buying food and drinks expecting them to come over. We call people like that flakes. So not all Americans are like that.

Smalltalk in germany: "Moin" "Moin" "Bier?" "Jo!" *plopp* *plopp*

From 93 to 95 I spent two years in Germany and learned this personal and honest culture. So, I came back the USA and started to telling people exactly how I feel when they say "How's it going".

Yes, if you ask a german guy "how are you" he will understand "give me a status report about how you are feeling at the moment."

I've been all over the U.S. and I've experienced that small talk and honesty customs vary wildly from region to region, and often neighborhood to neighborhood. ps- I enjoy your posts, they are informative and engaging.

1:07 Ha ha. My German born grandmother said that she sometimes would regret calling her siblings in Germany (as they got older) because most of the conversation was negative (being sick, pains, etc).

Person One -- How's it going? Person Two - ugh, cancer. Person One -- ok, see ya later!

If you ask: “how are you doing?” And they say: “I’m doing.” They’re having a terrible , no good, very bad, day.

My experience with small talk is that it starts light and superficial, but the longer it goes on, the more personal it gets. It's as if both are sending out feelers to find out how deep (or long) the conversation is going to be and to make sure both can end it (or back off) at any time without things getting awkward. The answer to "how are you" ("hey, what's up?" actually) is always expected to be short, but can be open ended to lead the other person to probe deeper if they wish, such as, "okay I guess, I got some stuff going on." The other person can back off and say, "yeah, I hear ya" and change the subject if they don't want to go deeper, or respond with, "really? what's going on?" if they want you to open up more. Like a verbal tennis match where each "hit" gets harder to see how intense the game will be. I'm not sure I phrased it right, but I think you catch my meaning.

Ok. There is a difference between "We should get together for a bbq **sometime**." Which means we have no real plans for a bbq right now but we think you would be appropriate company if we do. And "Sure I will come to your party." which is **actually telling them to count on you arriving** your boyfriend was rude.

Actually a lot of us in the US can't stand when people are not honest when making plans. We consider it rude. We also instictually know when "how are you" is just a hello or an actual inquiry about a person. I like the peach analogy. We have 4 tiers of people we socialize with. In order: 1.) associates are people we encounter frequently, but don't know well. 2.) aquantences are people we know a little better or are friends with others in our social group. Friends are people we know well, care about and will invite to hang out. 3.) close friends are the people who are so close to us they are practically family. Aquantences also get invited to hang out either if a friend brings them, or we are interested in getting to know them better. Associates tend to be people we work with, go to school with etc. These also have the potential to grow into friendships. We do love to add to our social group, but it is a process to move through the tiers as we get to know you. Sometimes it is slow, sometimes it is super fast. It just depends how well we click.

Everything you said about the German culture in this video is also true about the Polish culture! Thanks for the video-it’s always good to know someone shares your experiences!

Your boyfriend should had told his friend that he'd like to come, but he already had plans...

As a Canadian, I experience the "invite" thing constantly and it drives me crazy. I must be inherently German. I tell it like it is, not being rude. Just honest

I don’t think that’s always the case, like in NYC, I feel like I keep to myself more, trying to avoid any weirdos or trouble. In smaller cities, suburbs, rural areas, I think people are more willing to chat with strangers.

My husband and I are taking my dream trip to Germany next month and I am finding your videos very helpful. I was raised, in part, by a Grandma who's parents were German immigrants. I have modeled myself after her because I admired her so much. Guess what? I'm a literal thinker and get irritated when people say "Yes, I'll come", and then they act flabbergasted when I am put-out that they didn't show up. I also don't do things randomly: There is a reason behind each of my practices and habits. Which some people find OCD but I just see as efficient and thorough..After watching this video I'm starting to understand that this is the German in me surfacing via my Grandmother. :-)

Wow! This was so educational! I'm an American of German descent, and I had no idea that my social awkwardness was actually more accurately just being raised with the attitude of my German ancestors!

There are protocols. So if you say, 'yeah sure, I'll try to be there' chances are low you will go. But if you ask for more details, like who is also coming, then the chance you are coming is way high.

Great video. I love how detailed and nuanced you got. Especially the coconut vs. peach explanation.

I love your observations and commentary. I'm sitting here cracking up because everything you're saying is so true, but I rarely stop to ever think about it. I'm glad you're enjoying America :)

I do love the fact that she loves the difference in cultures

I like this girl's observations. My family is very German. We live in Minnesota. We still act German. We're very honest with each other and dislike fake people. When I lived in Germany I found that I fit in very well, even though I did not speak German. I fit in so well in Europe that French people thought I was French, Germans thought I was German, and the Dutch thought I was Dutch. (Being an introvert has that effect.) After the people found out I only spoke English, they were very amused by how culturally I was assimilated without speaking a word of the languages around me.

I love your channel so far. It is very informative, and many of these things should prove helpful when we travel to Germany in the next 3 years or so. The small talk thing is interesting, and I have never actually thought of that until watching this video.

Danke Schoen, Felicia: a very short but very useful video and an interesting way to see both cultures, Deutsche and American.

The very best explanation on this particular topic Ive ever came across.

I'm with you. If I can not make it to a party, I will be direct and tell them. But perhaps that is because I am 61% German, primarily from my father's family. It's always better to be honest when you truly do have plans. When I do not have plans and am not sure about if I want to go, I usually say something like: " I will think about it and let you know" or "I am not sure if I can make it, I will let you know". I always make sure I let them know either the day before or the day of. P.S. We have been correcting people on our last name for 160+ years, LOL.

Thanks for the video Felicia. I'm also American with a string German family background. You made things more understanding from my point I've view. Thanks and I'll make sure to watch more of your videos, danke shön.

KY native here, and I enjoy your videos and the content. Cincinnati is a nice city, I'm always discovering great places when I go there. I work as a paramedic and have made a handful of transfers to U of C hospital. My neice Nikiita lives in Bad Kreuznach, Germany. She was born there while my brother was stationed in Germany serving in the US Army.

I've lived here all my life and I hate when people ask "how are you" when they mean "hi".

There are A Lot of exceptions to the small talk and degrees also.. even Americans think other Americans who say stuff just to be nice that are outright lies are FAKE ass people and are annoyed by them not being more real and down to earth. Also, there are several responses you may get to 'Hows it goin' that are not Overly optimistic, but they are also not a long drawn out answer about how your actually doing in detail.. some examples are 'Well, I been worse, how bout you?' ... 'I woke up this morning, so that's a plus.' 'Well, I aint dead yet', ect... there is also the Jersey thing... "how you doin?' 'How YOU doin?' answering the question back with the same question and both persons continue walking, haha.

Happy holidays young lady. We (HOG HAVEN) like to interact with people. Not from a business standpoint, but more from an interest in people. We are from a native American background and curiosity is a trait we seem to have naturally. At least until it's betrayed to some degree. So having a conversation to folks passing through gives us insight on how they see the world through their eyes. So if your traveling out this way (north eastern Arizona) we invite you to come on in and say hi. Look us up on Google for specific directions to our location and we hope to see if our paths through life cross so we may meet another friend. Many blessings and success in the new year coming up.

During my university years when traveling from the west coast to spend a summer with other college students mostly from the South the folks from CA/OR/WA got along quickly with each other in a friendly superficial way, but the Southerners ( GA/TX/MS/NC/FL/TN ) were VERY stand-offish to us. "We" took it personally, but "they" reassured us that they needed to check us out before opening up to us. Which they did later. I respected them for taking their own time and later in life found it to be a wise approach for assessing strangers and discerning who could become my friend or not. On the topic of flaking out and keeping one's word or not: years ago I dated a woman born/raised in New York who consistently complained about people in California who "seemed" friendly, who said they would "come over" or attend a party, then would offer some vague nonsensical reason last minute how they somehow couldn't come through. She got burned so often and lamented how people in New York / New England were the types who when they made a friend were loyal and honest and committed. She theorized that maybe the great weather in California tempted people to be more selfish, in effect. People bonded through harsher weather in the Northeast. Maybe it's true, but any region or culture that goes easy on flakes needs to do some adjusting, no matter how good the weather! P.S. - I get bored QUICKLY with American small talk. Must be the German in me. :-D

I love the skit at the beginning. Also, you definitely have an adorable midwest Ohio accent creeping up. 😊

I think that it is somewhat different in the South and in Texas, especially in the rural areas. While yes there is the polite small talk between strangers, if the two (or more) folks actually know each other, the small talk becomes far more real and, in your words, "honest". Additionally, you might be speaking (or as we Southerners colloquially refer to it as "visiting") with that person for several minutes stopping what you're doing unless one of you is truly in a bind for time. I think the heat down here makes us sluggish and in less of a hurry in getting around unless there is a pressing need. Also too, while not being necessarily over positive like in parts of the mid-West that I have seen, tradition in the South is to be as polite as possible. For instance, it is perfectly acceptable to respond to a "How you/yall doing?" with "Oh, fair to middling" (means nothing great, nothing bad but generally speaking slightly less good than ok) rather than "I am doing good/OKAY/great." That way you aren't over the top with cheer even if everything isn't peachy. As for the plans points, barbeque ain't no joke in the South like it is in North and West Coast. You would not be invited to a 'que like that here. We might would say something along the lines of "We ought to get together again sometime." as a way of saying that they enjoyed the visit/interaction. If they give contact information or a time as well, then it is an invitation to touch base with the them in the near future to plan on the event. Also, it would be considered extremely rude and inconsiderate to positively tell a person who is throwing a party or get together that you will be coming to it and then no call, no show on it. If you were trying not to be rude and not too blunt with the host, then you could word it like "I might come if I can, but thanks for the invite." Like you alluded to, a host needs to know how many and who is coming as not having enough food/drink at a get together can cause the host to lose face or, conversely, have way too much and waste money and food on it.

That is very helpful, thank you for the video.

Feli, I grew up in different locations here in the States and also overseas. My Father was in the US Army. When I was 8 years old, we were all off to Germany (1958), yes I'm old. Anyway, we were sent to Munich , Perlocker Forest for the first year and then to Augsburg. Best years of my youth.

I really enjoy your videos. I'm an older American just trying to understand more about other cultures right now. Specifically Germany. I'm with you about that last point you mentioned about saying you will go to a party. Then you should go. So I come off a little harsh or blunt to others I have been told. I do not know why, others would say they will go, while knowing they won't. Perhaps? Due to the fact that they feel obligated to explain why not. And many people would rather as they say here. "Save face" meaning, not insult another or make them feel bad. Idk others just don't say I cannot go, or I'm just not in the mood for a party but thank you.one other topic you touched on I wanted to explain why I believe that we like our sports school teams states etc. we are highly competitive. And esp. between the states. East coast versus west coast, and of course the North versus the south states. Hot topics here both of them. Just my take on this. I will cont. to watch more of your videos. Thank you for making them. Very informative. Have a blessed day! Dawn

Great videos! I'm from Boston and am hoping to visit Germany this summer. The cultural videos are helpful both ways for traveling.

I really enjoy your channel, it is very interesting.

Hi Felicia 😃 It actually depends on where you grow up at as far as talking to people. People in Midwest tend to talk more with you about different subjects and more upfront. New Yorkers tend to be busy and shorter in conversations etc. So different parts of the country have different styles. You will see this more as you travel more. Hope you continue to enjoy your time here.

I'm American, but I like the honesty of German conversations. Sometimes I'll give a long answer to "how's it goin?" Just to throw people off (in America, sadly I've never left the country)

As some other have mentioned, I think some of this is a regional thing in America. The US is so huge, there are so many sub-cultures in our country, and even Americans can find it hard to read other Americans from other parts of the country. Midwesterners, and especially people from Cincinnati, are very concerned about being and appearing nice. We tend to defer to others, not draw a lot of attention to ourselves, have good manners, and so on. It can be a bit of a culture shock to be around East Coast natives, like from NY or Philadelphia, who tend to be louder, more direct, and less concerned about how they come off to others. If you had done an internship in one of those places, I think your ideas of American "small talk" would be different!

Wow! That "invite" thing is really something new for me!

I'm not coming from German, but Indonesia and I was living in the states for a year I can say this is so true, and the experiences that you mention is just so relateable haha, now I miss the states!

I'm from the US. Never learned to do much "small talk." As John Lennon said, "I am not the only one."

dude.... i was born and raised in america, but my ancestry is german... and i relate SO HARD to what you are saying about our small talk/superficial politeness. so crazy how things get passed down through the generations... very fun for me to watch this video. this is why it's important to know your heritage, it teaches you about yourself.

I spent 2 years in Brazil and it has always fascinating to see how different cultures and regions handle similar situations. I loved the peach/coconut analogy. So true. You can go to a salon and get your hair cut and you'll chat with the stylist the entire time about your family, their family, etc, and it's just small talk. As for the just saying you'll go to be polite... that's a little off. That is actually considered a bit rude by most. A much more polite way to handle that as an America would be something along the lines of, "that sound fun, we'll have to see what we've got going on!" Which is essentially saying, the party sounds nice, but we may have other plans without straight up saying, no we can't/don't to come.

I'm only about 1/10th German, but I agree with the majority of your observations. I'm definitely more direct than most but still like the 'small-talk/chit-chat'. The 'peach' analogy is spot-on.

German small talk from Ruhr area: Person 1: Wie läuft's? Person 2: Muss... Und selbst? Person 1: Auch... Und sonst? Person 2: Nix... End

You are right about the “fake” plans. We just usually require a confirmation conversation. “Hey, that bbq idea sounded cool, do you really want to do that”. I am curious if you have ever watched Larry David or Jerry Seinfeld. They do comedy routines on our social behavior. And by the way your english accent is very good.

Everyone where I live says “how’s it going” as our hello. I’ve never thought about it in such detail.

Wow this channel is growing really fast, within a week it jumped from 13.8 to 15.3k subs.

This is SO true! I’m an American myself and people definitely make “fake plans” a lot! I HATE it! It doesn’t feel polite to me, it feels rude, phony, dishonest and all those bad feelings. I’ve heard it’s hard to make friends in Germany but I think it’s hard to make friends here too.

Maybe I'm the weird one here, but if my best friend asks me how I'm doing, I'm going to answer him honestly. If someone I barely know asks me however, then I will just say "good, how r u?"

Getting hooked on these culture clash videos

American small talk is usually superficial unless they know and trust the person they are talking to. I really liked the lighting in this video. Thanks for all your hard work on these videos. Well done.

"How are you" is not a question. If I am "under the weather" and someone ask me that question, I do not go into a lecture about how bad things are. On the other hand, I (usually) do not lie and say things are great. I shrug and say "meh." That is usually enough to get the message across.

Great job doing this Feli: intelligent, upbeat and you look super on cam. This topic has my interest for some time because of the American sitcoms I watch that make me wonder how it is for real. And . . . . . my impression on American small talk is real, due to your video. It is said that Americans act this way because they want to be friendly or don't want to hurt someone's feelings. I guess there is more to it then that. American base their behaviour on the effect that it causes. It is not that they don't want to hurt someone because of sympathy for that person, but they just don't want that person to be angry or critical towards them or talk bad about them behind their backs. It also is a nice way to cover up negative things that are going on in the US, not wanting to talk about what's really going on. Germans, in my experience, base their behaviour more on how they want to express their personality in a true way or keep it efficient in relation to the thing they have to do at that moment. If you would like a positive, open, funny, playful and at the same time meaningful, honest and direct conversation, combining it with reliability: meet the Dutch :D Viel Erfolg und Spass mit dein Channel!

Very nicely done. I love your explanations. They refllect how I view the differences. Hey, you wanna throw Americans off? When they say "Howzit goin?", "How are ya?" etc., respond by saying "Great!!! Livinnnnnng the dreeeeeeeeeeam!". It cracks them up every time. I tried it with hundreds of Americans. LOL

I'd say the most important part of small talk is the subtext and how the person says it that can often give you a clue to what they mean

I always had that feeling. I didnt know its called peach and coconut but I completely agree. I used to live in US and now NZ. People are peaches here. While Europeans are coconuts. While peaches may be good for you in day to day occasional interactions, it feels a bit sad that you cannot really establish meaningful relationships with local people

Sometimes, when people ask, "Good morning, how are you?" I get a laugh by replying, "I'd be better if it weren't Monday."

I've heard something similar in a video from Jovie's Home about differences between Americans and Dutch people. 6:02 May he continue to show himself worthy of you.

Hi Feli, I know this is an old post and you have learned a lot since then. Based on multiple videos of the differences between Germans and Americans you seem to have a grasp on it all. I agree that things would be soooo much easier if people were up front about their intentions. If you look up Meyers Briggs/ MBTI it may help. I am typed as INTJ. That being said, Meyers Briggs definitions aren't fully formed just a rudimentary break down of personality types. If you want, in my opinion, what looks to be the completion of the MBTI types go to Objective Personality; they have broken down the 16 types to 512 types but it seems to be extremely accurate. When you talk about how Germans interact all I can think of is I wish I was in Germany; my life would be so much simpler. Again, I enjoy your shedding light on the cultural differences. Please keep up the good work and I hope you enjoy your time here, whether you decide to stay or not. The most important thing the world can offer is the rational of differing peoples and the fact that there is a reason for all of the differences, even if we ourselves can't see/understand them. I hope this finds you well/ and safe. Also a problem in the US is that we value freedom which is why this virus will spread so effectively. Catch 22.

Actually, I disagree a bit with what you are saying here about "how are you?" It really isn't meant that superficially by most people. I've never said, "how are you?" and not wanted an honest answer (otherwise I would just say Hi). It's not at all unusual for someone to answer things like "A bit sleepy" or "good, except for a nagging headache." or "I'm starving, let's get lunch." The choice of how much to answer really depends on how close you are to the person asking, and it is true that we are generally not looking for a detailed health report or long list of grievances. Nevertheless it is usually said, by most Americans with some interest in the welfare of the person being addressed. Totally agree with the rest of the video though.

Some people are like peaches, some people are like coconut, I'm a fat little raisin. Small and unsocial.

I think it’s all in the tone of the question and body language. You can usually tell when someone is just going through the motions and just doing a passing greeting and when someone really wants to know how it’s going. If someone comes up to you and puts their hand on your shoulder and says in a lower tone, “So how’s it going?” That’s an invitation to get real. If they just walk past you and say “How’s it going?” It’s just like saying “Hi”

Love your videos

Hi, Felicia! Your English is pretty good. How long do you practice it and how you reduce your accent?

Welp, guess I've got to learn German now. The first minute alone made me want to go there, when you said they actually care when they ask how you are and want to hear the truth, even when it's "negative". If there's truly a place where people are generally pretty honest, that sounds like my people. I'm American born and raised, and I absolutely hate small talk and this fake and shallow culture full of untrustworthy people. It hurts so much and made me give up on trying to make friends. I don't trust anyone anymore and truly have come to believe no one cares. My one real friend is a foreigner I only know over the internet. I want out of this place!

A perfect response I give is, "I am doing well. I hope that you are." It is honest, as I truly wish everyone well.

when i was in school (2003+) wie used "wie geht's" as a phrase to greet, only replying "wie geht's" back. That changed to a "was geht" (Whats up) over the years.

Your comment on “fake invitations” is very interesting, and even hard for certain Americans to understand. Because American social standards are complex, there are quite a few Americans who don’t understand all of the social cues, especially children. For example, when I was a kid, I met my great uncle for the first time, to this day I’ve only met him once. He invited our family over to his home in Texas, and I was very excited. I later asked my parents when we were going to Texas, and they had this confused look and said”We aren’t going to Texas... we were just trying to please him”. To me, it made no sense and sounded like we were making plans. But it’s all only small talk...

Im honest and direct even tho I’m American. If they ask how am I and I’m terrible I’ll tell them. I may just have to move to Germany.

Hi Felicia! Come visit Wisconsin. :) Supposedly Wisconsin is a sister state to Germany. We love our beer. I have also always hated the greeting "how's it going?" used in passing, like at the beginning of your video. lol.

Big facts, I was living in the Netherlands for several years and could never drop my American small talk. My Russian coworkers were my favorite to have conversations with because we were both so socially different.

You sound a lot more american than german. Makes me think you're an expat in Germany. I have a really funky accent after about 50 some odd years here in Europe.

If you ask somebody how they're doing and they respond with "living the dream" that means "please kill me now"

The phrase how are you? Can be serious and a question of interest. It depends on the context. You don't tell strangers intimate details. But a clerk, a waiter, a coworker you will say something polite.

Jeez you are beautiful, lovely smile! One thing you may not know is if you say "how are you?" and their response is "I'm okay", it generally means they are not doing that well, and its actually a good thing to follow it up with something like "awe, is something wrong?" You are right though generally people never say anything negative during an initial greeting. Also, when someone says something like "we should hangout sometime" its not obligatory. You can just say like "yeah that does sound nice" OR if you actually want to spend time with the person, you would need to follow it up with more questions like "Yeah I'm free tonight, want to go eat somewhere?" and if they say they are busy then it normally means they don't actually want to hang out with you. (This applies to basically all situations, if you or they don't set an exact date and time then its likely not going to happen)

As in Germany, the US has marked regional cultural differences. Your experiences seem to be drawn mostly from Ohio. You would find other areas quite different. In most parts of the South it is not considered inappropriate to give a fairly detailed answer to the greeting, "How are you?"

Feli, I am American, but I can tell you that the way most Americans engage in the kind of polite "white lies" during small talk and other social interactions really annoys me. The bottom line is that being direct and honest is just almost always more beneficial in the long run for a variety of reasons. And being honest doesn't have to mean being rude - there are plenty of ways to be honest with people while also being polite, so I just don't understand why our culture has developed this ridiculous tendency to be "politely" dishonest to people, especially between people who are basically strangers or who are barely acquainted. Frankly, being direct is just always a better way of communicating - ESPECIALLY nowadays with America's ridiculous political and social climate of oversensitivity about everything. Our misguided attempt to spare people's feelings with white lies and subterfuge is part of what created our current climate of oversensitivity, and it just does far more harm than good. You can see the truth of this with, say, something like the social interactions between men and women, particularly those interactions that involve potential dating or romance. Many of the misunderstandings that occur and the resentments that sometimes follow could probably be avoided if people just spoke plainly and quit trying to be overly diplomatic about things and/or quit trying to avoid hurting other people's feelings. Again, being honest doesn't necessarily mean being rude, and beating around the bush or using subterfuge in these cases just potentially leads to much bigger problems. The really annoying thing is the way people here are so programmed to utilize subterfuge that they get all uncomfortable and/or disturbed if they encounter someone like me who just tells it like it is. They are so used to deflecting things or beating around the bush that they are caught like a deer in the headlights when they encounter someone like me who doesn't subscribe to such nonsense. They typically end up feeling threatened in some way or label you as "weird" to rationalize their own inability to just talk freely. But for me, life is just too short and miscommunications are just too common for me to subscribe to some deliberately confusing and obstructive way of communicating with other people. If people can't handle plain, polite truth, that's their problem not mine. Anyway, it's always better to be politely direct and honest - so, if given the choice, I'd pick the German way of socially interacting over the American way every day of the week and twice on Sundays. Cool channel by the way - you're a natural in front of the camera. And you're so pleasant, intelligent and cute. Your boyfriend is a really fortunate dude. :)

Hi Felicia, I was born and raised in the U.S. My personality must be dominated by German Heritage because I'm not much for small talk. I'm very direct, dependable and honest. I've enjoyed watching your Videos and plan on going to Munich for Octoberfest in the next couple of years. I'm looking forward to the Beer and finding some good Apple Strudel:)

Educational video!

Goodness, you are absolutely adorable 😍

I hereby make you an honorary American. Your honorary name is Debby. You are so delightful.

I experienced that "fake plans" or "fake intentions" thing too. I'm American and I myself have a hard time detecting when people are doing it sometimes. The worst example was one time I was chatting with my hair stylist who I've known for over a decade. She was complaining about some medical issues in a casual fashion. I told her about this doctor I knew personally who was really great for what she was complaining about, and I gave her his number and she acted appreciative but I had this feeling that she wasn't gonna follow up on it. I later called the doctor and gave him the heads up that she would be calling. He talked to me months later and told me that she never even called him. I realized she was basically just making small talk and apparently didn't really want me to actually help her, which made me feel pretty socially inept, lol.

The opening of this video made me laugh a lot. I am from Florida originally and now live in the midwest. In my part of Florida we were taught to always give positive answers, but the person who asked would pause and wait for my answer. However, I was so confused by the people asking "How's it going?" as they are zooming past you on the sidewalk. Since people don't often ask that while passing while you are in a group, I didn't really have a chance to observe how others dealt with this I was extremely confused until someone just told me I could just nod or say hey back; no one expected me to actually pause on the sidewalk and say that I was fine. America can be confusing for Americans too.

I`m an American and I hate small talk. Most people will say ignorant things that I find annoying.

I'm going to start giving you a little life novella when you ask me how I'm doing!

The used to say compliments in a small talk. Like it.

The appropriate response to "How are you doing?" or "What's up?" type of question varies on local norms, relational closeness, and often time available for a conversation. In a lot of parts of the U.S. "I'm doing well, how are you?" or some variation is a perfectly acceptable answer if you're talking to a stranger, as long as it is vaguely related to the truth, and/or the conversation is expected to be short. If someone's having a terrible day, to the point where it may be visibly apparent, some minimal explanation of that is generally expected, like "It's been one of those days", or, if you have a little more time "my car broke down, so dealing with all that has been a bit stressful". Also, if you expect to be with a person for an extended period of time with few other distractions, like talking to your driver in an Uber, or your hairdresser, the answer to the question is used as a signal to indicate if you would like to engage in conversation. "I'm fine, how are you?" generally indicates that you have no interest in a conversation. "I'm fine, but I'm ready to be done with the school year" would indicate that you would like to talk, and school is a good opening subject. In other areas, particularly the rural southeastern part of the U.S., if time permits, it's acceptable to reply with detail about your life, good or bad. In these cultures, personal human ups and downs are not taboo subjects, and people have conversations simply because they enjoy them.

Maybe it's because I am not American, but I don't get it: If you're not interested, in what someone has to say (e.g. how they feel) and are not listening, why even ask in the first place? This "always be nice atyitude" seems futile to me^^ Ich mag deine Videos trotzdem und freue mich, dass ich deinen Kanal gefunden habe:)

So Im the first audience hoho 👍

Hello Felicia, Small talk is a very regional habit. Many rural areas carry the small talk in a way that you describe as normal. Also, I've found in very large cities, a simple question may incite a highly impolite expletive followed by a "mind your own business". Definitely travel and enjoy the extremely different cultures and everything in between :)

Being an "older" individual, and an observant people watcher, there is a key to small-talk. The person that initiates it, should lead the exchange. When they ask "how are you" or "how are you doing", give them just the meat and potatoes. If they want to know more, they, leading the exchange, will provide a follow up. If you want to experience the German version of small-talk, go to a small town or farming community. The grand-ma's or farmers wives you will meet when out and about are just about the friendliest people in the world. Definitely like to chat and super sweet. Being from a small community in NE Ohio, I can say we are not lacking in the Aunt Bee types. And yes, they are fabulous cooks, wear the big sun dresses and like to pinch cheeks. Very different from what you would meet in the bigger cities. Enjoy.

Positive small talk is more of a midwest thing. You go a little east and you will get a much different answer. They will be very honest.

I don't know anybody who invites you over to their house--on a specific day--and you accept and then not go. I would find that rude--unless something came up and you couldn't go but you would let that person know that day. Maybe its an age thing...

I've watched several vids. I'm fascinated with your intellect. Super high IQ is what I see. Reading social cues and learning language cues.

Recently discovered your channel and as a German who has had similar experiences with Australians, I can totally relate to that! :-D