Hugs to you other angry souls

The shame comes on instantaneously for me. I wish I could stop waking up angry.

My favorite thing to do is to tell someone off while I’m in the shower. I’m all alone and I can say whatever I feel like I need to say and I just let it aaaaalllll out 🤣 it’s really helpful, I get that release, and there’s no consequences. Then I literally get to wash it off when I’m done.

Mostly angry towards me, I very rarely lash out at someone else... yet it has consequences for people around me ('quiet BPD' type if I can say).

My shame and guilt kick in during my anger episode but for some reason I just can’t stop it:( I have extreme self-hatred because of it😭

Would you be able to talk about bitterness or resentfulness? I find that more accurately describes how i feel constantly rather than just anger.

Anger is a survival response. (And it’s disproportionately criticized in females vs males.)

I missed your upload because I was beating up chairs. Seriously. And yes, I'm ashamed .

I think about the people I grew up with and I get angry about the way I was treated! Puzzled as to why and what they took from me! I am tired of being angry and self sabotaging!

I don’t think anyone elucidates the steps and/or processes involved in dysfunctional behaviour and emotional trajectories as well as Dr Fox. Brilliant and the graphics illustrate the sequences so clearly!

once again, dr. fox coming with a video about something that's been reaally bothering me recently. I'm always angry. And its sooo easy to make me angry, it's truly exhausting :(

Yes I need this. I was just thinking today why am I so angry!!

Soo true the most frustrating thing I realized in my BPD therapy.... I am always angry!! Minor or major or anything. Idk if its always splitting, but a broad anger.

Thanks Dr. Fox. I internalize my anger. I am very isolated and not because of social distancing or the pandemic I've been socially ( by choice)distancing for many years. I have been diagnosed with both bpd and bipolar ( different psychiatrists bpd in 1998 , bipolar in 2006) the older I get the more skizoid / avoidant I seem.

I have been listening to Dr Fox for two years now. I have been struggling for years now and I finally had the courage and opportunity to book a counseling session today. The first five sessions are free shouldered by the company I work in. But listening to Dr Fox made me realize that I really need to seek professional help to understand myself accurately since I cannot self-diagnose. Hoping for better days to all of us.

We are damaged souls. Through people like this and God 🙏 we can find understanding. It's my prayer to you all today. Find peace and comfort. Understanding and Faith. We can do this. Bless You ALL. NO MATTER YOUR BELIEFS

Yep, almost constantly, it almost feel like anger is my motor and motivation for existence itself. Usually the circle goes like this: excitement from newly discovery, all potential and faith in me is ready to "play the game".... but after some time if I discover that things are not as they seem.....the disappointment comes and tends to make me angry before sad... Angry on myself, that I let myself be fooled again by my own naive trust world is a better place than actually is....... :) I was diagnosed as BPD and tried to work on this with my therapist for over the year and eventually I left her as she kept telling me that I need to let the anger go, not transform it into something else... easy to say right... in the end she was projecting her own shit on me and told me she cant help me... heh.. so yeah... i was angry too at that point... :) i realized that much more effective to calm me down was to practice taichi often... i also believe that people who gets easily angry should be doing some physical activity daily... this could help out to calm one down... maybe? :D

I lost it on my boss once. It was a stressful day for him and he was already in a bad mood and my depressive state was making it difficult for me to perform efficiently. He got a little salty and said some rude shit and I blew up on him. I didn't get fired because I walked the fuck out. I thought it made me feel good and it went on for a month or so, but then the depression came back full swing and I collapsed mentally. Go me.

Only last week I realized “I am constantly angry”. Even though I am happy and kind there was some underlying anger that didn’t allow me to be completely at peace and happy. I realized the many things that were making me angry and was able to reason with myself and that help me to stop being in a constant state of alert. Doctor you are truly a God send.

I've spent a fair amount of time thinking about my anger & the underlying causes of my anger. Frustration & fear, as you point out, are really big for me. But further under frustration I've discovered what I have been calling 'a fundamental disconnect from reality.' If I'm constantly disappointed and frustrated, doesn't that hint that I am expecting the world to be different from what it is? For me, this has been very helpful. When I find something I am frustrated with, I try to look at it and see how the world is different from my expectations. When I understand clearly that the world isn't going to change to suit me, I can make better decisions. I've managed to reduce my frustration & my rage by a very large amount.

Dr Fox. You are the bomb

Thank God for this man's work. I hope you all find peace and comfort in these difficult times. In Jesus name.

Weirdly enough I have been googling “why am I so mad” and then you release this 😂👍

Fear!!!!! +BPD=100% TRUTH! (I get ANGRY because I AM SCARED he will leave or is cheating)! 🤦‍♀️ 😭 I feel like I AM SOOO CRAZY!

I've been doing a cram session for the last 3 week's because I got put thru situation that made me take a real look at personality disorders in myself. Have studied and went thru 6 different therapist doctors that make these kind of videos. Your videos are good and only person where I feel compelled to leave a comment to say thank you.

Anger is such common in bpd

Why do I get so angry so easily? Some common anger triggers include: personal problems, such as missing a promotion at work or relationship difficulties. a problem caused by another person such as cancelling plans. an event like bad traffic or getting in a car accident.👍

It would be great if you could do a video on BPD and oversharing (as a part of self-sabotage).

So true. I used alcohol as a reward first and then feelings of torment, resentment and often uncontrollable rage followed. I didn’t realise at the time. Watching this and reflecting on my behaviour since giving up alcohol I can see my reward now has become an unexpected order to my life. I find I can now manage my expectations and perceptions in a calmer and above all easier way. I feel giving up alcohol has saved my life. I truly do not miss it either. Thank you Dr.Fox.

Thank you Dr. Fox!

💜💜💜💜💜 Patiently waiting.....

Everything on point.I also want to share something that helps me significantly.It is physical stress and tension,that causes me to be easily irritated,lack of body movement limits you ability to express and realease those tensions.In a few words,pay attention to your body and try muscle relaxants or pain relief products.My state of mind reflected my body tensions.I hope it helps somebody like it does to me

It's So Hard To Control Of My Anger I Haven't Felt Like Myself.

Common with ADHDers as well. Source: I have brain and and I’m currently a clinical psychology grad student

Thank you for this. I was fired from my job today and I've been in this exact sequence for hours on end and it helps to see it drawn out like this.

My girlfriend once told me that she was angry because I didn't know why she was angry. Seriously this actually happened.

Ok, Dr. Fox.. I'm gonna forget, that I'm, B.P. D. for awhile, amongst, other things. I dont need the recognition or praise, that I deserve, from creating, Tank's my cat ,, KZfaq, channel.. Eva L. Drake. It is, he is brilliant, in them. Can't others see, I make these, his, video's, too give my life, some kind of worth. Cause, I've always been told. I was worthless. I've raised, Tank for over 10yrs. Now. He is my biggest achievement. What he became. My cat, is the true reason, why I live. And he is well worth it. He is my escape.. my existence, my survival. He is a true.. (work of art), that I helped ,, create... He is a Feline Superstar. 😼

shame is what keeps me tossing and turning at night.

Oh man, I’m angry 90% of the time. Don’t ever know why - it’s addicting

I ALWAYS feel SO ASHAMED & Guilty after I have an Anger Episode. Yet somehow it seems like I can’t stop giving in to my Anger. 😒😕😔 I’ve been in this vicious cycle for as long as I can remember... since childhood. Almost 47 years now. And... it’s so tiring. I never thought about the fact that I DO get a ‘reward’ for my angry outbursts in that it DOES release some pent up emotions such as: Anxiety, feelings of being idk... un-heard maybe?... not cared about? Ignored? I realized recently that WOW I have been stuck in this vicious ANGER CYCLE AND HABIT for the MAJORITY of my life so it IS GONNA BE HARD WORK TO BREAK. But.... I just ordered Dr. Fox’s Workbook. (Finally!) Thanks, Dr. 🦊. Your dedication to helping ppl like me and your understanding of something I’ve been trying since I was a pre-teen in libraries in the 80s to figure out about myself touches my heart. It really does. If you believe in Heaven... or wherever our souls go after this- I am POSITIVE there is a Special Place waiting there just for YOU. 🌈🦋❤️ However I am trying to say it... I just mean to say, I love ya, man. And thank you. I wish I lived in TX so YOU could be MY psychologist. I need one desperately. I live in Indiana if u know of any good ones? I take suggestions, lol. 😄

Again wow!!!! me, me, me! you are by far the best channel for BPD'ers 🤘 Yes lost jobs, friends, neighbours etc through anger. i am so over emotional....I am trying to change 🤘 so hard... .yep full of shame.

Anger for me is generally out of frustration. When it feels like once I have acknowledged my inaccurate understanding the other person keeps at it repeating the issue over and over without ending the discussion. The is no closure when the closure seemed to have occurred ages ago. I become frustrated and then angry. Cannot rein in my emotional response and I become short and louder. Once I do that I become ‘the unstable one’ in their view; the one who unsurprisingly cannot hold meaningful relationships and will wind up alone. The reasonable action would be to remove myself but do not find it easy to recognise when I should do that. There is no reward in getting angry for me. The cause does not go away. The feeling of distress is no reward. The rumination is no reward. The guilt and shame are no reward. What I see is a lose-lose situation.

Thank you for everything you do 💞

I realized I am always so angry while in therapy. Like today when I could not open the cooking oil to cook ground beef. Anger is a hard emotion for me to handle, slowly improving now. You are a real blessing Dr. Fox 💖

Thank you as always!

Another to share with my quit smoking page bc the guilt and shame so often feeds the relapse. I will be quit 9 years in November. My success this best and last time was built around taking it all very tepidly, no extremes of emotion. I became good at recognizing when I was coming to an "edge" in my thinking/being and learned to back away from the edge. THEN, years after quitting cigarettes, I was able to delve into treating / self-treating my personality challenges. Quitting smoking really gave me better coping skills for working on - as Dr. Fox says- building surface structure, and learning adopting more secure attachment style and also healing from BP traits. Dr. Fox's channel is a big help in this!

such a great explanation! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

We will be fine❤

Hello Dr. Fox... This is, Tank.., a feline superstar. I am very angry, how life feels now, like if it's not one thing, it's another. Between the, C-Virus /Fires/Protesters!!! When does it ever stop!!! So, I'm saying a sincere; Prayer for the world. To keep having, Faith. Please have everyone, keep remaining strong, within themselves. , to get through all this. Cause we all, need your help., Dear Lord., Amen... keep up the good work.., Dr. Fox. 😺

I feel like the older I get the worse it has got. I had a mental breakdown in 2021 and my anger issues have been so bad. I have high expectations of people and when they don’t meet them, I get angry. I say mean things. Then I feel awful and self-loathe. It’s a repetitive cycle too. I tell myself i am not going to do this anymore and I do it anyway. It is frustrating as hell.

Hi Dr Fox I wanted to let you know your videos are incredibly helpful to me, I was diagnosed with BPD pretty late in life (47) and while it shed some light on why life was so difficult for me to manage it left me feeling really helpless and angry. I am so glad I found you on KZfaq and always tune in now.

hoping I will be awake, I usually am except when I want to be.

I'm so grateful for all your help, your videos have been helping me greatly! Thank you a lot!

This cycle has been so much of my life. 😕 It sucks. I think what sucks even more is when you swear not to turn out like certain people but then turn out just like them, really, if not worse.

Excellent work again Dr Fox! My therapist told me anger is addictive. And for Cluster B personalities with impulse control issues + strong emotions = get angry easily (and everyone else has to walk on eggshells around them)!

Just today in an AA meeting the topic was fear and I shared that I'd developed a habit of being angry in response to fear. Was interesting to come here and hear you say that, too.

Thank you dr. Fox!!Loved every your video,they are really helping me. Your way of describing is precisely equal to how i often feel in those situations. You are a true man of vocation in your field...your ability to "enter in others skin" is astonishing. Saluti from Italy!!

Dr. Fox, thank you for all your videos. I find them extremely helpful in helping me to understand my husband dealing with BPD. You go into great detail on topics and it helps me together with going to DPT therapy for loved ones of BPD. I would like to request that you end each video with a suggestion or two with tips for loved ones on how we can support our person dealing with that particular issue. If you put it at the end then you can warn those with BPD in case they don’t want to hear it, but it would also help us help them heal. I watch every video of yours I can and I have passed off your channel to others as well who have loved ones dealing with this difficult issue. Thank you in advance for considering this. You are amazing to take the time to help us all! Blessings

I’ve just found your channel and this is your 2nd video I watched. I need sort ou my anger as it’s taking over my life and ruining my relationship. Watching this video feels like is recorded specifically for me. This circuit, this sequence 100% appeals to me. I cannot wait to watch more your videos but I guess I need to work out to watch them in the order but I am already feeling positive about the results. You are the kind of person which is nice to listen and to watch and who someone can trust.

You’re so sweet and very helpful ❤️ Thank you 🙏

I hope this stoic principle can aid my fellow BPDs. If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. - Marcus Aurelius.

Buying your book thanks!!

My anger out burst is less about the event that happened at the time and more because of the pent up emotions and resentment caused by past events

You help me so much. The BPD workbook hits hard, but truly affects change. Thank you. ❤️

Thank you for this content. I am struggling to manage my emotions as a new mother with limited resources and support. I really appreciate that you offer some actual steps that a person can take to get to a better place emotionally.

I liked the sequence and the causes of anger, but even more the differenciation between guilt and shame. What I get is that guilt is related to an event where shame is more core-related. We can have it because of something wrong we did, even if it's probably too much to invalidate our core for a wrongdoing, no matter how terrible, but we can also have shame for abuse we have lived. I've been started to unveil that recently and it seems to be a big piece to work on in my journey to CPTSD recovery.

Thanks for this video. I never thought about how my anger was rewarding me, but even the release of it, like you said, can feel so good. It can be Cyclical. I appreciate your video and will checkout the workbook. Thank you.

I have explosive anger but only to select individuals, like my husband or my Mom...it's like the closer I am to someone the more episodes of anger I have...they don't deserve it and I'm immediately sorry

The reward concept is one I was vaguely aware of, but never really thought about, and definitely not in terms of a reward as such. It's so true though. When I used to lash out and have my "tantrums" (Intermittent Explosive Disorder and BPD), I would feel the build up of tension, feel alone, overwhelmed, hurt, neglected, abandoned and thus angry (even if there was no logical reason for this). Then I'd CHOOSE to explode. It took me many years to realise that for me, it WAS a choice. I'd shout, scream, throw things (not at people), use much profanity (which I don't usually do), be incredibly verbally abusive to the poor person in question, be rude to any random stranger who dared to glance my way, give people the finger, and hurt my own self. So I now see that THAT was my reward. Wow. Pretty crappy reward, but at the time the release and explosion felt uncontrollable. Afterwards, it was bad. The whole day was ruined because of me. I said hideous things that could never be erased or unheard by the person I loved most. I felt enormous guilt. Once the wall would finally come down, I would cry. Huge, huge guilt and remorse. Also a lot of self awareness. Too late though. Then shame, usually the next day. Sheepish. Embarrassed. Feeling inferior and unworthy, like who am I to treat this person so terribly? Eventually I realised the fallout of the explosion (reward) was WAY worse than the perceived benefit of getting it out in that dysfunctional and harmful way. The guilt, shame and perpetual pattern of hurt was 100 x bigger and worse than the tiny "reward." That reward made everything bad.

Thank you for taking the time to make these videos because it grants so many people access to accurate, educational, and useful information that they might not get otherwise. 🙏🏽✨

That really makes sense...thanks for putting up these videos!

Thank you so much for your incredible insight and way of explaining things 🙂🙂👍😁 this is just one of the things i am dealing with at the moment (so not in a good place mentally) and it has really really helped. Your videos help me understand and move forward, not question and make me feel worse!! Oh how I wish I lived in texas so I could have you for a therapist!!! Thank you so much for your videos....please please please keep them coming!! ❤

I am asking myself the same question right now. I am always angry but more so on fridays. I don’t know why...

Hi Dr Fox. Could you please do a video on the difference between complex PTSD (C-PTSD) and BPD?

Another brilliant video , my life has changed a lot ( for the better may I add ) since subscribing to this channel , thank you dr fox

Thank you for the video. Through the last videos I noticed that the audio was really bad and that makes it very hard to listen to. I don't know if it is the mic - if so maybe it's time for a new one? :) I would love to be able again to focus more on the content than on the audio.

Wonderful video as usual! Thank you for making this content, it's genuinely helped me so much when it comes to managing my bpd. I was wondering if you'd ever consider a video on BPD and sensory processing disorder/sensory issues? I recently learned I have SPD and it can be extremely difficult managing the sensory overload + emotional turmoil from BPD. Either way, thank you for your videos. Your wisdom makes a huge impact on so many

idk if it's only me...but i often get so angry,that i kinda blackout. this means i get so exhausted(when i was angry at someone etc) that i have to take a nap. and when i wake up,i do not remember realy that much at all what i did. and that i was messing with someone for no reason.

Thank you Dr Fox this is so truly helpful!!?

Hi doc, can you talk more about depression in bpd? Like how do i know i have it since i have like 39 moods in 5 mins?

I love this video very helpful thnks

excellent

Dr. You're the best! I shared many of your videos with my social worker. Thank you so much. You have helped me to better understand myself and my relationship with others and the world around me.

The shame and guilt is internally directed...easy. The anger is external. Even though i truly know im angery at my inability to control my anger. So confusing

I'm ashamed of my anger. I've had blowups and meltdowns of anger since childhood -- knives were involved once or twice. I beat my younger brother up, yelled at strangers, threatened people, broke things, destroyed my mom's house, almost hit someone with a rock, yelling, screaming, road rage, altercations with strangers, almost went out to stab someone once after they yelled at me and I felt they were threatening me; I was so angry at them I just wanted to kill them, etc. < -- that may have been a fear reaction as well, though I'm unsure. Men were the ones that hurt me when I was young, so it makes sense I was both afraid of them and angered at them. I think I have a lot of anger that was built up over time, but therapy and hormone therapy, exploring myself, has reduced anger quite a bit. For a while, I thought I'd just have all of this rage and anger inside of me and nothing to do with it -- I worried I'd have that breaking point where all of my anger was just unleashed on whoever was around when I blew up. I felt like under my skin was boiling anger that would overflow too easily. I think that this symptom has reduced with time, especially recently, and I hope to see it reduce further with more time.

Stress and fear. The models show Australia getting up to 100,000 sick daily with

Very helpful

I swear, I'm at the point in my therapy where I'm angry because my parents thought I was a monster.

Is there a "right/normal" way of being angry? I always have internal arguments about if I'm allowed to be angry at all, and most of the time this leads to my angry outbursts...Am i the only one with this?

I feel like it just takes over my body..... And i cant control it i just go mental then after it I am like wtf have I done.....

Thanks Doc, very helpful to understand anger🙏❤️. Will repost at our blog selfhelpchampion under Understanding Anger

i have all the usual signs of BPD . i would say how my anger manifests is different. so i do have the 1. anger and the 2. reward but here is where i part from you. 3. anger that does not stop, its more like smashing an ant with my thumb into the coffee table , just squishing back and forth over and over ( this anger has lasted 4 to 5 hours ) 4.getting over it is characterized by the fact that im still angry but now something else has angered me so i'm angry against it instead . hardly ever any guilt or shame.. would you say i still have BPD or would you suppose i have something else????. i do the splitting thing all the time btw.. it was almost like you were talking to me.. see i need to know . Wife has convinced me to talk with someone. i'm wanting a specialist. im not sure if i lean more toward psychopath or sociopath tendancys. im not out killing but i do see myself in them also. or if you are not sure i would ask what kind of specialist sees all of the above? " keyword" im in alabama

What about those who have learned a strategy that never hits the guilt and shame steps in the process? Just loops back around to blaming and accusatory anger? And when he screams that I caused it by saying, (kinda like you filled in with) , “boopbbobooboop!”, that TOO is a complete exaggeration (to the point of zero truth involved)? The worst part….he believes everything he says; I really think he could pass a polygraph with flying colors! What I WISH I could find out is how to get someone to believe REAL truth and realize that he is the common denominator in EVERY failed aspect of his life. I don’t see it happening and I am having to remove him from MY life because of the verbal onslaught; I’m not at all sure I’m physically safe; I sure as hell know I’ve been psychologically emptied!

I know this probably is inappropriate but sometimes I get angry because people are just freaking idiots. I'm sure that can be broken down into something wrong with me but I have had plenty of experience to think that maybe it's just coming because it's true.

What could the issue be if you are not just Angry all the time; but ENRAGED? Also you do not feel ashamed or guilty or sorry for what is said or done during those bursts? My son is 20 and family and friends all walk on eggshells around him. He’s been on so many different meds and nothing helps. He’s been diagnosed with BPD and severe depressive disorder. So if he’s not extremely sad, he is extremely enraged and I want to help him. It’s been years of this. Also he wakes up angry most days than not and he has no reason at all to be angry.

My anger came from guilt and shame

I don't even lash out, I'm just constantly being driven by anger 😆 and such a small thing can make me feel massive anger, but I still don't blow up 😆 it's so annoying being annoyed and pissed off all the time 😆 and not even being able to release it on anything because it's always there, but no snap ahahahah. I get so pissed and then shut down because everything seems hopeless. Why even snap and show anger, who even gives a fuck if I'm angry 😆

My anger is so violent i feel like a monster 😡

Are there helpful techniques to lessen the anger reward that someone with bpd experiences, while not increasing their guilt or shame? To diminish the anger that arises in the future? Or is the expression of anger its own reward? There must be ways to skillfully negate the anger response when directed at you without causing much emotional pain to the other person y'know?

what about when the part you specified as the guilt, (like when the boss fires you) is what you wanted? sometimes i find myself starting arguments purely because i want people to be mad at me or to hurt me. i don’t know how to stop doing this and it’s scary