At 62, I feel like a child in an adult world that I am not privy to and don't understand.

The part about making friends made a lot of things suddenly click for me: I don't want to make friends, I want to have friends.

I have been depressed for a long time, but after taking shrooms few months ago, l feel much happier and highly motivated and my ADHD gone , lost a ton of anxiousness and had a few epiphanies about how I should live my life. I decided to buy an ounce for backup, but haven’t yet felt the need to take any more since then.

The reason for not having many friends: trying to be social always ends up with someone trying to take advantage of me, which causes me to distance myself from them. It's easier to avoid having "friends".

One is a preference, the other feels like survival. Great video Paul

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

> clicks video > Premieres in 2 days > "oh okay, see you in 2 days"

I was sure I was not from this planet when I was little. I thought my parents were not mine and were lying to me. *I am AuDHD*

It's amazing I used to think I was just severely socially phobic when I was a teen in the late 90's. But then in my 20's it was oddly easy to overcome social anxiety, but still couldn't ever seem to fit the wavelength of the world and was always struggling ending up alone. All makes sense now.

Disclaimers for the video. As an autistic person: you can be completely unaware of why you are struggling, unaware of the anxiety you are feeling or any sensory issues. How do I know, because I'm 36, recently diagnosed and have only gradually learnt these things over decades when other people have explicitly pointed them out to me or I've had an extreme reaction to something and finally recognised the why. It's why it is so beneficial to listen to the lived experiences of other autistics to recognise similar experiences within ourselves. The second thing to note is as a neurodivergent person you naturally surround yourself within a neurodivergent bubble of people and places that you find easy because you speak on the same wavelength and adjust the environment similarly so they aren't hostile. How do I know? Because both my children have very quickly identified neurodivergent peers to be their friends and our family's friends/relatives kids are all neurodivergent as well. It is why we didn't realise for years we are autistic as the "normal" behaviour of our children was the same as our family and friend's kids until each of them gradually got diagnosed. It's why I don't like the us vs them style videos as I would have once considered myself introverted or typical and you just end up feeling like an imposter and go back to your "safe" label instead of a journey of self discovery, acceptance and improvement.

Except with my closest friend, interactions online are so much more restful than in person. Working from home since COVID has really been a revelation!

Im 58 and this has solved the self esteem destroying screwups and problems I have had my entire life. People cannot figure out why I am so smart but struggle with so many things. Besides having an ADHD dx, Ive been given loads of misdiagnosis over the years but it turns out from this and other things.. I have Autism. I am completely in this Autism list. People cannot get me.. Im a bit like "Rain man" when people get me onto a topic that I am good at. I cannot deal with gaslighting despite having a brilliant education in psych. I can analyze it later, but not deal with it at the time. I cannot stand bright lights, strong smells, lots of noises etc Can you imagine how hard it was being an RN ? I was totally sensory overwhelmed. I literally shut down half way through my shifts. I need alone time because I am too confronted outside in the world. I cannot negotiate normal social conversations.. they make no sense to me.

I thought myself as introverted all my life. 6 years ago I got an autism diagnoses and oddly enough a week ago I started wondering if I was never really introverted. Weird how your episode came out right when I needed it. I once again have more evidence I’m just autistic.

this "life on hard mode" is a really good description of how I feel all the time. I've never been diagnosed with autism, but the more I learn about the experiences of those who are diagnosed, the more I feel like I should get diagnosed as well, cause it seems to explain all the difficulties I have in life.

About three years ago, I considered whether I was autistic or not. After going over some of the traits, I leaned towards not and I never got an assessment because of that. Recently, I started listening to autistic people about their experiences. Now listening to this video, I am really starting to question whether I am or not and I think I need to get an assessment. Thank you for sharing your experiences

I can check most of these boxes. I don’t really like going to stores and malls and avoid them if possible but I can do it if there’s a specific reason or thing I’m shopping for. I remember as a kid my mom and grandma dragging me around on shopping trips and getting really irritable with them and not knowing why. They told me there “must be something wrong with you.” I also have 4 kids. When you’re a parent, you do whatever is necessary for them even if it’s uncomfortable to do so. I guess you could say I get grumpy if I’m interrupted or something I’m not expecting pops up out of the blue, but a lot of times I internalize it, suck it up and cope with it the best I can, even though inwardly I’m uncomfortable. I don’t have tons of sensory issues, but I’m pretty sensitive to certain sounds and smells. At almost 73 years of age I most likely won’t pursue an official diagnosis but videos such as these help me understand what may be behind some of my “quirks.”

My autistic husband never needed to be particularly social, and so he preferred to keep to himself and do things on his own. Just goes to show the experience across the spectrum is very varied. Some autistic people are very social, some less so, some struggle with being social but want to be, and some just don't have the need.

Me, being both autistic as extremely introverted: going out? What? 😆

am literally diagnosed formally by multiple psychs and still I doubt

The thing is, with the first thing about why people like to be alone, it’s a mixture of both for me, there’s a lot of things I like doing alone, like reading, walking in the woods, exploring the city, and just thinking. But there’s also a factor, albeit one that’s diminishing by the day, of being kinda afraid of people, particularly a lot of people around my own age, but I kinda feel like it has to do with trauma more than anything.

I definitely meet all the criteria mentioned, except that my social anxiety resulted in popularity because I coped by smiling and saying hello to everyone, treating each one with respect. Drinking helped me to relax and socialize. To my peers, I was cool because I accepted everyone and didn’t judge. But I always felt different and misunderstood, preferred one on one conversations, required at least 50% alone time to meditate and recharge, and I mostly observed human behavior in order to understand it. It wasn’t until my 40’s that I realized that people lie and shouldn’t automatically be trusted. Now that I’m older, I avoid social interactions in order to keep myself emotionally level, so I can focus on work. I never married and still don’t understand the appeal. I’m hyper sensitive to noise, my skin always hurts because it feels like my clothes are burning me. The hairs on my body feel like needles stabbing me. Clashing colors are extremely upsetting. I’ve wasted nearly $100k fixing my newest home’s color scheme. After nine years, I still haven’t adapted to my current home that’s in a very different climate. The move was sudden and traumatic, and everything was thrown off balance. All I know is that I lost myself during that move and will probably never be okay here.

seeming introverted was a part of me masking for years. It was a way to explain me isolating myself and not socialising that got accepted by other people

Dad: Want to go to Wal-Mart? Me: (checks internal nopeameter) (Curls up under blanket) Sorry too tired just thinking about it.

Thanks for covering this great topic! I am self diagnosed and this makes me even more convinced! Most of the time, i can't even stand the noise level of family get togethers, especially when children are there.

I would pause after each question to ask myself before hearing your answers, and my responses were almost verbatim to the autistic experience. Another bittersweet confirmation for me , yet still undiagnosed 🌹

I was bullied since the day I was born, including by my own family, just for existing in a different way than most kids and people around me. I did not know how to mask and hide certain things when I was small, so it was obvious to everyone upon first meeting me I was from another world. I was always (and still am) more interested in objects, numbers, animals and nature than in engaging extensively with others. I feel empathy and compassion for people and often deeply, but I simply don't have much interest in nor capacity for constant interaction. I also find many topics most people like to talk about in spare time to be strange and uninteresting. I also don't speak much in my personal life, and that is rarely acceptable if you are in company of others. If I talk to someone new, trying to get to know them, that is extreme effort on my side, but thankfully it happens so rarely that I really get interested and intruiged like that.

The 5th question really struck me. I was always alone as a kid and well into my teenage years. I also remember never approaching more than two other kids at a time. Whenever I noticed another kid by themselves I would gravitate to them and more often than not it worked out. I still have that tendency to look for other seemingly shy or isolated people in social settings.

Thank you, not only does this explanation confirm my autism (still undiagnosed at 76) but it clears a lot of guilt and regrets from past actions and attitudes I have had. Bless you. 🙏🏼

The feeling of safety when I’m alone busy with my hobbies! Yes this is what I always feel! And the suffering during school breaks due to horrible noise! And constant eye squinting! And feeling sick as soon as the car doors open (smells). As a child I felt like a being of different species. Then I figured out that I’m the same species, but profoundly different. Never on the same wavelength with my peers. Always weirdo always needed to be fixed. I’m introvert, yes! But I’m also autistic. I used to want to have friends. Now I’m tired of trying and after so many fails and rejections or being ghosted I just decided to be on my own with my one only long term friend and closest family. Plus I Stimm a lot, especially rocking and watching one point in space for one hour is so wonderful soothing and relaxing it helps me calm down in any situation when I have issues to regulate my emotions.

It's quite difficult for me to remember how I was getting along as a child. I simply don't have many memories. The first time I actually met other children on a regular basis was in school. I was on a 6-week health cure when I was five - alone without parents. With many other children. The only relationship I had was with one of the personnel. However, rejection was a frequent experience. I always wanted to belong, but except for a few cases, I never connected or I experienced rejection - even disgust. Nowadays, I simply don't look for connection - or I don't have any expectations when engaging with others.

Yes, feeling like I am from another planet. An outsider, always.

The DSM5 defines autism on the basis of behavior. "Why" is not relevant so much as "if". We can debate whether the medical-model DSM5 is really the best basis for defining autism but that is another topic. If you meet DSM 5 criteria then I dont think you need to worry about just being a misguided introvert. But its ok to take your time exploring your identity. No matter what you are, you're wonderful. :)

yes x5, especially the last bit. I've recently been remembering a lot of rejection stuff from my past

self diagnosed ASD (with possible ADHD) only formally diagnosed with anxiety / depression / selective mutism, but I'm convinced it's not just introversion none of the usual methods to help that worked and have a whole other set of traits unrelated to socialising difficulties like monotropism, hyper focus, special interests, echolalia, stimming etc. I think I was missed early on because I could mask for short bursts long enough to do tests the way I thought they wanted them done :/ and didn't really have empathy issues

I feel like this can also explain some autistics *perceived* as more introvert -- They might actually be more extraverted than preciously thought, but due to those extra regulations autistics experience a introvert-like social drainage. Unmasking , and/or in comfortable social situations may exhibit more extravert traits. From outside it looks like situationally introvert-extravert. While non-autistic introvert sound like they might be more 'consistent' in their energy levels throughout situations. --- At least that (situationally) is what I experience, trying to find a fitting 'schema' for my experience. --- Thanks for the video!

I'm not sure why I'm crying but this video made me cry. I was diagnosed 2 months ago.

I don’t know, but this video left more more confused than before. I don’t consider myself an extreme introvert, I’m more of an extraverted intravert, but I do find social situations draining, I loath small talk and find it exhausting, and the only time I get energized when I’m with people is when we can talk about deep stuff that’s of interest to me (and them, obviously). That said, I like meeting new people and I like traveling to new places, because it gives me the chance to explore the world, connect and maybe find other folks like me. Because yes, I do feel like an outsider and like I don’t fit into the typical way most people behave. I am also very sensitive to smells and noise, so shopping centers and crowds are a no-go zones for me. At the same time, I don’t view the external world as ”hostile” per se, I see it as ”exhausting”. I like going out for the adventure of it, because being alone at home is not healthy for me either, but home is still my safe haven. So, I feel that I’m somewhere in between on all those questions…

I am really glad I have found your channel today,. I’m 62 and starting to understand and belief myself around autism. It is so helpful listening to your videos because they are very clear and I can take in what you are saying…you describe so much that resonates with my experiences in the world. Especially, the video about the differences between being introverted and being autistic has made things a lot clearer for me. I will keep watching.

Its clear that a lot of thought has gone into this; its really well done and I have no doubt that it is going to help a lot of people. Thank you.

I don't even like friends coming over because I'm afraid of being a bad host, somehow upsetting my guest, or showing a quirk or trait that I'm judged for.. but I think that last one is the biggest factor for me because my home is the one place I expect to be safe from beratement.. until I open the door to the internet at least..

Thanks for this. With recently late-diagnosed (41) AuDHD, I struggle a lot with Imposter syndrome, but I relate to every single question.

I've been VERY solitary since Covid. I literally leave my flat to go food shopping, once a week. Today, for the first time in ages, I was non-food shopping in town before noon! ... I hate mornings. They're totally alien to me. The experience was predictably uncomfortable. Too many people. Too much noise. The lights were too bright. The traffic, too noisy. And, to top it all off, the PRICES were too high! ... But I can't blame THAT on autism! 🤣

I really appreciate your ordered style of presenting info and dividing it into chapters. It feels calming to my brain somehow, and I think I absorb the information a bit better. Thanks for making these!

Thank you for this video! I keep having imposter syndrome and these help pull me back to center.

Hello. I’m 53 from Spain. I have discovered your channel recently. After having a son with diagnosed autism or asperger, and looking for more information on the subject, your videos have helped me to understand myself. All my life I have been thinking I was extremely introverted person. Now I know that, was only a part of my personality, and has helped me to be more in peace with myself. Thank you.

I used to think I was an introvert and inadvertently pushed myself further towards introversion. It turns out that I am actually autistic, and even worse, I am actually an extrovert. I love spending time with others, going to parties, being in crowds, and talking to random people. I just don't like that my lack of social intuition leads me to getting in trouble with people. I didn't have to worry about being accused of harassment if I just didn't talk to people. Now, however, I have just accepted that the lack of fulfillment in life is a worse outcome than going to jail again. And I don't like wearing autism on my sleeves, but now I know that if push comes to shove, I can just pull out the uno reverse autism card.

1: Because dealing with people is physically painful. I go to the store and buy a pack of gum. That's my daily social needs taken care of. Why put myself through any more than that? It would be nice to have friends. There's even one guy I consider a good friend. I last saw him a couple of years ago. I don't visit people much. 2: I have no idea how other people make friends. It takes me months to get to know someone. Partly because of hiding from the world, I have to admit. But people don't make any sense to me. It's like being dropped on an alien planet. 3: I don't know about sensory issues. What's normal to other people? Yes, malls are too loud; particularly the food court. I keep the volume down on my music and videos. Loud places are physically exhausting. And for some reason I can't wear wrist watches anymore. They annoy my wrist. 4: Beats me. What's "emotional regulation"? I'm not sure what the actual question is, although it seems to be related to how easily I burn-out or go into meltdown. I'm better than I was. I've learned to back away or not get into those situations as often. 5: I don't have peers. I've always lived at 90 degrees to the world. I don't know if I'm actually autistic. I was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder in 1980, but when I looked it up it didn't sound a bit like me. I recently went to a therapist in my health network for a proper diagnosis and she said at my age it would be too difficult and expensive. After the first 50 or 60 years it's hard to read past the mask. But I look autistic, so let's just go with that. Some group therapy would help me understand myself and learn strategies to improve my life. My first thought was, "Which part of 'don't do well with groups' aren't you understanding?"

Thank you so much Paul for this helpful video 🙏🏽

Thanks, Paul. I have experienced rejection all my life, because of autism but also because of socioeconomics. I was expected to fit a particular mould, and to portray the stereotype of the successful Australian worker. I do have sensory issues, in relation to bright lights, and to loud noisy environments. I am, for the most part, an introvert. As much as I am creative, I am not appreciated for the efforts I go to maintain relationships.

Every one of those questions was spot on, though food isn't so bad for me in terms of sensory but certainly any place that isn't home is a huge struggle for me

I was told my whole life I was different- my parents said they found me singing under a rock. It wasn’t a bad thing to anyone so even though I’ve always felt very different than others it didn’t get in the way of me socializing bc I didn’t feel like I had to fit in to be accepted. What gets in the way is 1. Not understanding other people’s intentions/lies 2. Either talking too much or not talking about myself at all as a strategy 3. I truly don’t understand how people talk many a days a week if they’re not in each others environment… that is so confusing and so much energy!! My SO is an introvert but talks to his closest couple friends weekly if not daily!

An excellent, informative video with explanations rarely covered through therapy.

I have 10k hours in Ark and just realized that I've gone off and done my own thing alone the entire time - even when I was part of a tribe. So I choose to "play alone" even in online multi-player games.I never really thought of my online persona in terms of autism but it makes sense now.

I think the 5% is an understatement-perhaps thats 5% who get professionally diagnosed, I feel as tho the numbers a bit higher with all who go undiagnosed or ignored…

I think you should have a chat with my 10-year old self. He probably won’t respond much until you’ve earned his trust, but he’ll listen. Your best chance to find him will be at the foot of the stairs in the school hallway during lunchtime. You’ll also need a time machine…

Valuable post. Thank you.

This is very helpful thank you

I used to dread the outside world to such an intense degree in my teens that I would stay in my bedroom for months on end if I could. I would describe the feeling I had in school or any other setting with humans as terror. As soon as I got home I would be immediately anticipating the terror of the next outing that my family and society would call upon me, be it the next school day or a dentist appointment. I am almost 100% sure I do not have autism but I can relate to many of the experiences. I also used marijuana during that time which I believe contributed greater than 50% to my dreadful experience. To be clear I am fully recovered for over a decade now and can handle any situation comfortably. But I really am a very internally regulated person so I enjoy my own company more than that of most people other than people with certain special traits that I especially enjoy.

OMG, it's true about shopping centers?!I found out I'm autistic only last year, but now when you said about the shopping center it just brought up this memory and i thought "OMG if my psychiatrist at the time had been aware of autism i might have been diagnosed 10 years early"! I just remember talking to her almost 10 years ago, trying to explain why i went and took 8h walks in the forest as often as i could but i only ordered from the internet and would avoid actually having to go to a supermarket (or god forbid a mall) like the plague. She told me i might have agoraphobia! I remember thinking "no, I'm pretty sure i don't, i have no problems with open spaces or even the shopping mall if it was EMPTY and QUIET". But i had no better explanation and since i did have major depression and she was helping with that when she said i should go to the mall once a week to get more comfortable i thought "oh well, here goes". After a couple of months i decided i wasn't ever going to be more comfortable in that environment and i probably didn't want to either. It made me sooo exhausted but it wasn't anxiety since i didn't actually have to do anything with anyone there. Just being in the place was too much, and I didn't even attempt to do it without my headphones. 😅

Thx for this I've thought about it & spoken to people I wondered if I'm a strongly spectrum autistic person getting to my point I am diagnosed bipolar (manic depressive) & I've been hospitalized so my struggles are more BP this upload has helped me a lot to deal with myself thank you🙏

These are very interesting questions. I always thought I was an introvert. I had difficulty making friends, preferring to have just a good one. I now realise that my best friend in primary school was autistic ❤ I think that camouflaging/masking also helped me growing up because I managed to hide in the middle of the social strata: I didn't want to be popular (because then I'd be in the spotlight), nor did I want to be unpopular... for the exact same reason. So I taught myself to blend in and not draw attention to myself. I wanted to appear as normal as possible. I was part of a large group of girls at high school, but they were more acquaintances. I never got that close to any of them. Yet again, I hid myself in the group, using them as a shield. They were exhausting though! I copied behaviours and learnt to have socially acceptable interests/obsessions (pop bands of the 80s, for example). In adulthood, I studied sociology because I wanted to really understand how the world worked 😂😂😂 The secret stimming, the meltdowns, the utter exhaustion from socialising and trying to be a normal member of society... check.

Introverts often talk about how they're so happy they get to cancel plans, but I get quite stressed when cancelling plans and it makes me upset when things dont work out the way I want them to. If I got ready to go out and that plan was cancelled? Fuck that, I'm really stressed and overwhelmed because I prepared so much for that day just to have to maybe go out a different day.

I understand that feeling well of feeling as though you don't belong anywhere and, repeated experiences of rejection, other.. Experiences of mistreatment from ones you thought were friends.. 😘 I even had a experience in High School as, being mislabelled..... With as being 'sad' and not wanting to join in, as opposed to having difficulty approaching others.. Was so horrible to get labelled that.. Way, as it were incorrect I simply just didn't have the confidence.. Then years later learning I were Autistic at the age..... ..of 25 suddenly all my experiences and internalised feelings finally made sense! 🙂 Said with respect and kindness 💗💗

Oh man, that third question hits so close to home. Literally earlier today, when I was visiting with my brother and his family for Mother’s Day, I was struggling so much with the food (sometimes the flavor is nice, but the texture is off, other times the texture is fine but the flavor is overwhelming or off putting), the occasional shouts from my little nephew, to the general feeling like I was being rude, or that my aversions to the food and noise would be perceived as rude. I struggle so much just with noise on a regular basis whenever I leave the house, to the point that I tend to wear headphones or earplugs all the time to try and cope. Idk if this necessarily means that I’m autistic, exactly. I have been previously diagnosed with ADHD and OCD, so it’s possible my sensory sensitivity might be more of a general neurodivergent thing than an Autistic thing.

The constant rejection I experienced in childhood--even from my brother who teased me incessantly-- turned me into an adult who has withdrawn from just about every public situation. I would rather interact with birds and bugs than with people.

This was really helpful to me, as I've wondered if I have autism. Two of my grandkids are diagnosed. But answering your questions pretty much nailed me as an introvert but not autistic. Not that it matters ... at my age, I'd be fine either way. Thank you. 🙂

another helpful insight

That was very good. Thanks.

Question 1: I gotta answer 50/50 on this. It's a hard question. I really like friends, but people can drain me a lot. Friends I feel safe with, is good though. But a bunch of strangers? I have no interest in it. I used to enjoy LAN parties in my teens, and I've been to a concert and loved it. Even been to Dreamhack a couple of times. So yeah, it's hard. 50/50 Question 2: I had a bad childhood in regards to friends. Those I called friends would bend to my bullies and help them against me. As my childhood friend's mother said about her own son " _You shouldn't be friends with him. My son is a turncoat bastard._ " and she was right. I always wanted friends to trust but I learned that, I just couldn't trust anyone. It all came completely crashing down when I was 16, had my heart broken. It was a sort of final straw for me. While I still gained friends in 17, and 20, and 22. All but one I would not retain. I still, seem to be a really approachable person like when I went to a bartender course ( _the creative aspect is what I like_ ) and sat by myself ( _I was 27 I think_ ), and suddenly every girl came and just flocked to me. It was baffling. I seem to have this aura of sorts that tells people that, I am a very safe person because people are drawn to me but I have a hard time trusting people. As for how much I must invest, I often times have to invest a lot of time into friendships. I often say that, it takes two to tango, so stop dancing salsa if you want to be my friend. But I totally identify with those 4 points.. No... No I am not. I want more friends. But I want more friends that want to do things. Play games, joke, watch movies.. Question 3: I don't think so. In bad days, I may not like crowds in resturants. That being said I don't really eat at resturants either because I find it more comfortable sitting at home watching a movie while eating. I'd say it depends a lot on the resturant honestly more so than me. Question 4: No I don't have this problem. But I do have intense dislike of a lot of people-locations. I can relate to the "needing to push myself to go to the store." I much prefer to be home. BUT, I love exploring places. Question 5: I've always felt different. Always felt like I had a greater destiny I never got to fulfill. I longed for adventure, I still do. Rejection.. Sure but, I had friends. It's just that the school yard bully decided to take umbrage with me for being positive and friendly that in his weak scared little mind was a weakness and I was an easy target _he believed_ . So even after answering all these five.. I still have no idea.

1. I like being by myself because people stress me out and/or I don't really enjoy most people's company. I have to say though, while I feel I am an introvert (I've been inside my home for over 4 years now and I have no problem with it). I do have to say that one time I was in a hospital setting and the question came up and I said to the group I was with that I was an introvert and they all looked at me in surprise. None of them said they thought I was introverted but very friendly and talkative. Well, I may be like that when I am in a group because it's expected to be friendly and I use over talking to compensate for my nervousness (or I just over talk because I'm nervous). But I do enjoy activities by myself and the freedom to be who I am without trying to be what everyone expects me to be. That's why I'm fine with not having a mate, as well. I don't have to clean or cook or even bathe if I don't want to. I find things like shaving and make up superficial and unnecessary, expensive and wasteful use of time and money, and totally pretentious. Or maybe I'm just lazy and selfish. Who knows... Okay, I won't answer the next questions. Too much information... oh, hahaha! I used to practice and think about scripted replies when I was younger but after a number of years I realized that none of my conversations went as I anticipated so I gave up such a waste of time, energy and thought. I think it started when people used to say mean things to me and I didn't know how to respond or what to say until I was at home, hours later and thinking about it (obsessing) and then I would come up with a really good come back but it was too late to use. It was a source of frustration that I wasn't quick on my feet. Okay, number two is easier. I just don't like most people. They aren't interesting, they don't make sense, whatever. I mean, I don't HATE them, I just don't want to put forth any effort to be friends. Friendship takes a lot of time and effort. If I"m going to be friends with someone, I want to feel it's worth it. That might make me sound like a terrible person, and maybe I am. I'm honest, though. Small talk is boring. Gossip is boring. Chit chat is boring. I like deeper conversations. I am happy with having NO friends. I don't have any. I've been there and done that. I always end up used and abused. So God is my friend and I have a deep relationship with Him and my cats. That's all I need. And my computer so I can see and hear people and choose to reply or not, lol. But most of my computer time is spent studying everything I'm interested in; God, science (all of them, including medicine and other fields not usually associated with science like linguistics). I love research. There's way too many fields of interest I have to name them all here and I never have enough time and energy to study all I want. So, really no time for friends, either. The main reason I stop by here every now and then is because my autistic daughter told me recently (she's in her 40's now) that she thinks I display autistic traits and she thinks that's why I've had such a hard time in life (like maneuvering my way through it with any kind of success, understanding people, etc.). Wow, these are getting easier. Definitely yes to sensory preferences and I like the way you describe it as "being in control of my own environment". Unfortunately I can't shut the outside noises out of my house. They come right through the walls and windows. UGH. And there are so many loud noises here! And on number four question, I can say I have always had trouble regulating my emotions, different amounts and different emotions at different times in my life. In this time of my life (early sixties) it's the area of loud noises; sometimes I just want to go out and shoot people, the noise is so loud, shaking my windows and putting me in a rage! I'm glad I don't have a gun. I wish I could just let it go, man. It drives me insane. I don't have enough money to move on my SSDI, so I'm just stuck in a place where I go crazy about half a dozen times every day and night. I just have to get through them. They normally only last 5 or 10 minutes, but it seems like forever and sometimes I just want to scream at them. But then everyone in the neighborhood would think I was a crazy cat lady instead of just a nice cat lady and I don't want that reputation because kids can be really mean and thoughtless. Five: outsider from childhood, even in my own family because it was my mom, my stepdad and my half brother who was the family. And my mom hated me because I was the product of a man she hated viscerally for over 30 years after she left him. She was emotionally cold and cruel to me, every day as I remember it, but it increased as I got older, like from age 11 on it was unbearable to me. I was so glad when she kicked me out at 16 because I thought I had 2 more years of hell to live through before I could leave. I recall when I was in 4th grade, I gathered my own group of people/friends because I was rejected by everyone else. I chose what I called the, "rejects", you know, the other kids that didn't fit in, that everyone made fun of, the fat girl, the kid with pop bottle glasses, etc., and I gathered them all together around me as I stood on a small hill on the playground and I would preach to them the important things in life; not what was on the outside, but what was on the inside, not on the things you could see, but the invisible things, because those things were/are more real than physical reality, things like love, joy, peace, justice, peace, freedom, etc. I often wonder what happened to that person... Btw, the rejected people are God's favorites. Jesus is waiting for you if you've been rejected all your life. He wants to give you a wonderful family all just like you. Just ask him. Read His story. It's the Bible. Even from the very first book the ones God chooses are the rejected ones. Like the story of Joseph.

Introvert can mean many things in of it's self. Be it a way of life for someone or a result of other life struggles. For me it's being a mute my whole life; So due to that and other reasons shutting down into being an introvert feels safer.

First thought "uff..Let's see. I think I'm introverted autistic." Now at the end of the video: Checked all the boxes and felt again reassured, that I'm not just "broken" or "a failure". The majority of the world just functions not for me, becaus the majotity of people are neurotypic and different from me. Thanks!

Thank you very much.

I used to wonder about this myself (the idea of autism didn't come up until I was deep into adulthood). The thing is I want and have always wanted to be social, I just literally can't in most situations. If there's more than five people in the social group I'm with or we're in a chaotic place filled with noise and lots of other people my ability to "keep up" with everyone else goes away. I remember going to huge parties in high school and when I was with my immediate social group before thr party snd on the way to it I'd be talking and joking around, but when we got there seeing 50-100 people all milling around, hearing all the different conversations and trying to process thr body language of everyone had me find a corner where I could pretend to be passed out drunk or I'd just wind up hanging out in the car we came in. If I'm ever in a smaller gathering not but it's still too large dor me I'd always wind up splitting off with two or three other people in a quieter area. An exception to this is if there's some kind of game or organized activity to take part in. If there's a set of rules to how everyone is going to behave then things become much easier or if for example I'm playing pool in a large noisy bar I'm fine because I can just concentrate on the game. It's the wide open social situations with lots of people and noise that just totally shut me down. It's really been really frustrating to want to do all of these things other people seem to do with ease and having no idea why I seem to shut down in large social gatherings. I've been terribly afraid of large social gatherings but I always fought through the anxiety thinking maybe it'll be different this time, that maybe this time it will all click and I'll be the same person around lots of people as I am around just a few people. It's been both a relief and also a kick in the balls finding out why all of that happened. I'm mo longer trying tp suss out the reasons why but I also have to just accept it as a limitation. Maybe if I were younger I could rewire my noggin to deal with it but I'm pretty well done cooking at this point. I'm pretty much past all of that stuff anyways. I still look like I'm in my twenties but I'm well past that and huge house parties, clubs and bars aren't really the place for me any longer. Finding out what I am has gone a long way towards patching over some brusied family relationships though. My father's side of the family is huge. He had four brothers and a sister and I've got lots of cousinss. In the last ten years I've been pulling back from attending any large family gathering, often canceling at the last minute with no real explanation because "I'm terrified" didn't compute with some of my uncles or my aunt, so they'd get upset about it. Now that I have a reason to give them that's well beyond my control

I'm both an introvert & autistic person....just undiagnosed. I was bullied all through public school.....😮‍💨

Great topic! I have asked that myself

I value my alone time, but it wasn’t until the pandemic that I noticed how much I miss people.

I’d be much more interested in going out and meeting people if I knew where the normal people weren’t.

Question 4 could be explained by chronic oversensitivity or hypersensitivity to endogenous adrenaline. I suspect the stimming (or fidgeting) phenomenon may be a way of burning off excess adrenaline to keep it below a critical threshold to prevent it from flooding out of control. Introvert burnout is definitely a thing, and probably the same phenomenon as autistic burnout, just not as extreme.

Train stations. Going there, finding the right train, constantly checking the time, always on the edge and being nervous, getting a huge outburst of rage that I have Tu suppress when somehing goes not according to plan, avoiding any interaction except employees to check everything. Getting irritated by the light, getting way more irritated by the notice, when finally sitting in the train, constantly checking where I am, feeling huge discomfort and nervous it sitting their. Tried to focus to something else, like reading or listening to music, only music helps, when the train has a display for the stops. Getting huge relief when arriving at the correct place and time. Dreading the day to use a train I don't know. Getting huge close to rage quit feelings when something gets changed for a different reason as strike or repairs. It takes long to get used to even the shortest travels. Having an imminent feeling of slight panic when the train is to early (so I, despite seeing the number) so I question if it is the train, or when it is late, so my complete plan could maybe fall apart and I would be forced to adjust. Completely annoyed when the train is full, so I cannot sit in usual range of a display, so I need to stay at (most of the time) doors of the train amongst some people, completely annoyed when they talk cause I hat it when the station gets announced and I could overhear it. Prefer to take a car, and even consider just buying one, even if it is fact that compared to other countries, Germany has a good train network, but I prefer to drive alone where I can control everything of my tour even if it would mean getting into traffic jams or making multiple stops and having the risk of getting to late, not where I want to in the first place or deal with the schedule and all this mess above. I hate it when people cry, especially women. It just makes me "numb", I go into immediate survival push through this mode, targeting a solution, if it is crying because of the other person is wanting to get attention or has no reason, I become completely cold. Loud crying of a child or baby.

Really good video. I will say, lots of autistic women, social mirror really well and therefore might not have been excluded or even unpopular. But the act of mirroring is taxing and burns you out, and it’s a constant active action to do. Doesnt just come easily. This is one of the reason many women are late diagnosed.

I used to think I'm just quiet and introverted and a bit strange, but the more I learn about autism the more I realise I may be on the spectrum. I don't face severe challenges in everyday life or at least I don't think so, but then I'm 35 and I may have just found ways of dealing with sensory overload and social struggles that work well enough for me to disguise the likelihood I may be autistic.

This video has really helped me. I scored 41/50 on the Autism scale. I used to have & need friends when young and have that need to fit in and belong. Now I’m retired early I find it too stressful having to justify myself to so called friends. I choose not to have friends now & im much happier just doing my own thing & not being under the pressure. I find it easy to walk away from friends as well. I think because it’s such a superficial relationship in my mind anyway and no loss. My best friend is my partner and that’s all I need these days ❤ Does anyone else find it incredibly easy just to dump people? 😂

Does anyone else find that having friends is exhausting? I'm really bad at getting back to people because of this. I leave emails and texts unanswered, especially if the person is draining and/or demanding...

When I was younger I was described as sometimes very social. I used to make friends with outsiders a lot, and I think it was because groups of people made me uncomfortable. I was sometimes the glue that made outsiders into somewhat of a group.

I had someone explain to me that small talk was just a way people feel each other out, like you’re talking about the weather but neither of you care about talking about the weather, it’s about setting a baseline common ground… that helped me to accept it for what it is but I still struggle with anxiety of talking to new people if I see no reason to speak to them, I’ve been told that’s not necessarily a normal way to feel.

Ok sir, I have to let you know that MANY, if not all introverts I've spoken to or read their comments- they all say people drain them and that's why they need alone time. To "recharge" their batteries. People are exhausting. I've seen soooooo many INFJ videos over the last 4 years, and they all say it. It's not because they prefer those activities that coincide with being alone. Just sharing my observations.

5/5, complete with stims and rushing through shopping to get out of the store faster (and planning my shops to coincide with least-busy times). Noise and smell are my sensory overloads; wearing my glasses gives me a safety shield - something between my eyes and the world. Also, I don't like people coming over - nobody in my space!

Excellent video

This video made me want to go back and hug and hold my younger self. I've had a diagnosis for most of my life but because I was labeled "high functioning" nothing ever happened and I did not learn until relatively recently how my autism affected so much of everything.

I really liked this video Paul. I’m an autistic introvert myself 🙋🏻‍♀️ and I would like to have more friends.

I learned TODAY (age 26) that many people consider socializing a moment of sharing personal information. Such as dreams, fears, hopes, ambitions, struggles , drama and trauma. And considers sharing info of ones hobbies, loves, dislikes and hype for new releases of media to be ''info dumping''. As in the same league as cold conversation as talking about what's up or even "the weather". It's hard to not stand out as "the odd one" when apperantly you have been doing interactions wrong your whole life.

1. It’s easier to do things alone. People are annoying. I like activities that I can do alone like reading and drawing but I also want people to talk to. I just feel so awkward when I do. It’s nice to have a structured activity like joining a book club that way I’m well read in the topic and don’t look stupid. 2. I thought introverts wanted deep connections and hated small talk. I don’t want to have a bunch of friends but I do want close friends and hate small talk. 3. Environments don’t bother me too much. No one likes crowds. I don’t have a problem with food. But I have a problem with noise and litter. Like my neighbors were gone for days and it was so nice. They live downstairs but are somehow louder than if they lived above me, stomping around and talking loud, especially snoring which drives me crazy. And I can’t stand looking at garbage when I go outside. So I’m annoyed a lot when I go out and when I stay in. 4. It does feel like the world is attacking me sometimes. I NEED to have my music to keep myself together. 3. I’ve always felt like an outsider. I once asked my mom if I was adopted (kind of joking) because I just don’t fit in. I told her once that I was probably a changeling that got swapped for her real child.(I hope I didn’t offend her those times because it’s not like I didn’t want to be her child. I just felt odd. She would always call me odd, like she would sing “you’re an odd one, Ayanna Watts, the same tune as you’re a mean one mister Grinch, which would make me laugh) I never got bullied though. It seemed like people liked me well enough but I was never as close to anyone as I wanted to be. I would always think about having the “human experience” like each event in my life is a marker that I’m supposed to reach to be a normal human. I sort of gave up on that after college because I missed the “get a boyfriend and stop being a virgin marker”. Now I’m just trying to have adventures and figure out what the heck my deal is. Sometimes I pretend I’m an alien who glommed on to a nice human and became a person who didn’t have all the instructions on humaning. Thankfully it seems like most people in my generation have trouble adulting so I don’t look too weird. Thank you for reading my dissertation 🙏🏾

I don't know. I was told by a professional therapist I was not autistic, but with these questions it seems I am. Anyway, I know I'm introverted. Thanks for this video.

If I show genuine interest in someone whose mind & innerness I might enjoy and wanting to get to know them for real, it is sometimes rejected & taken against me. Like a genuine interest in someone is some kind of a weakness. I can feel other people's feelings and I know when they are hurting. I can give them food or words of encouragement, so they know that they are important.

I answer yes to the autistic side of every one of these scenarios presented. Yet my doctor and psychiatrist and therapist are like "neurodivergence is hard to categorize, you're fine." I found a job that (it seems) I can do long-term without too much risk of burnout. But, couple this with CPTSD, which many autistic people also have, and it becomes a Herculean striving to pass as mostly normal and not be stuck with emotional flashbacks and self-loathing, hypervigilance, etc. We autistic folks (and those with trauma) are living life on hard mode, and deserve compassion, for all the good efforts we make to be okay and do well, and for being living beings inherently worthy of love.

I was thinking about this recently. A lot of people said I'm shy and have social anxiety but I'm just autistic. You can definitely be both, but they misperceive me. Similar to the story you time about the teacher saying John doesn't want to play with the other kids when that wasn't the case.

I have no issue making friends but I have the hardest time maintaining relationships. I suck and texting/calling/arranging meet up and being an actual friend. But when I’m with them in person I enjoy it but the pressure of knowing I suck at keeping friendships is the thing that makes me avoid it

Thank you for those questions! While asking the questions, please note a reality check - - Does the world and do people feel hostile toward you? There are locations where hostility happens, it's not you. Explore a bit. I started by positioning unknown people as trees and bushes, nice and neutral, which helped me identify when those weren't trees, they were hostile and unsafe. It was them, not me. If it's you, then proceed with the next questions. - Do shopping centers and certain stores overwhelm your senses? Playing can-can music and having flashing lights means it's them, not you, even if everyone else feels it's fine. If it's the sheer variety of textures on book backs in the library, or an intrusive awareness of the fabric fibers and textures on all the other people in your commuter train, it's you (although arguably, find a commuting time when there are fewer people). - Are the people around you resisting having deep conversations, and want to stay strictly superficial? That's THEIR problem. Find your tribe and enjoy life! - Do you feel a strain trying to remain included, and suspect people just want you out of their way? There can be a wish to exclude you for being "not like us" - because of age, nationality, job experience, their own insecurity, a projection that you don't like them, not some sense that you're autistic.... It may also be what I consider a form of evil, they want to rally the group into a cohesive unit, and excluding someone brings the others together - the 'fickle finger of fate' simply chose you for exclusion, because you could be chosen without repercussions. - Do you feel like an alien, just not part of the group? If you encountered the exclusion above at a very early age - a sibling died, or some such - you won't notice that it's an external force, and decide it's something inborn. Find out. You might just be independent-minded, in a group of group-think fans. Become a force for real inclusion, making sure people on the edges of the group don't get dropped (left off the email mailing list, etc.). You've got characteristics that you can use for good in the world.

I don't want to contradict any of the legitimate barriers the neurology of autism presents, but I do want to push back, at least to some extent, against the definitions of "average" "normal" and "neurotypical." Places like shopping malls, arena concerts, movie theaters - any place that is severely over-stimulating to ANYONE - ok, maybe not certain adults aged 17-27 - but already here, if "average" means only neuro-typical people between those ages, we have a problem. I have come to realize that all too frequently, the world is set up in the most narrow way possible, and this makes me sad for everyone.