Most people are sensitive to criticism.
When you focus on outcomes you’d like to see, rather than what isn’t working, people are less likely to become defensive, and more likely to be open to possible solutions.
It’s important to acknowledge how others feel without dismissing or minimizing their perspective-even if you don’t agree.
For example, instead of saying “Other people have it way worse” or “look on the bright side” you might say, “It sounds like this has been frustrating for you.”
When people are upset, they can get stuck in negative thoughts that aren’t helpful. Redirect that energy towards thinking about solutions.
Ask them what they’re willing to do to improve the situation or solve the problem.
If you jump to the defense of another person, it can feel like you’re taking sides, even if your intention is to look at all perspectives.
Stay curious and ask questions to better understand the individual’s perspective.
This doesn’t mean that you’re agreeing or disagreeing, it just means you’re being open to their perspective before coming to conclusions about who’s right and who’s wrong.
If we avoid taking sides, we can help find a solution that respects all parties.
You can ask questions like: “What do you want to happen differently?” or “How can we move forward in a way that’s healthy for you?” or simply, “What would be helpful?” This not only shows your willingness to support the person to find solutions, but they will be more likely to make a commitment to the solution if they come up with it themselves.
When you empower someone to develop solutions - and offer your support to help them do so - they can often walk away from a difficult situation with their dignity intact and feeling like they have what they need to move forward.