This is a recut version of a previously two-part episode originally posted in September 2010, that stitches both versions together into a single video, and loses 2m 46s in total. Cuts have been made to reduce dragging, cut down movie clips, and obviously the intros and outros for each part. (The first ad break is where the first episode ended.) I've also made other tweaks: I redubbed a line to correct an error in the early recap, and I tried to fix the aspect ratio issues with Welshy's segment as well. As far as my feelings on this review, I do regret that I kept calling it a "children's film" instead of a "family film", because that's a small but important distinction: my point, however, that I feel that the opening is very out of step with the rest of the movie still stands, even if I could have articulated it better. This remains, to date, the longest film covered on the show, but I found myself not having a lot of material to work with in the two-part format, which is something I should have noted as it highlights the lack of real story as the film stalls the previous film's conclusion. So this is a review I have somewhat mixed feelings on, but I know this is a fairly popular one, so enjoy!

This movie really has two big problems. The first is that while all the deals and backstabbing and disregard for life may be realistic, it makes it hard to follow what's going on, and hard to root for anyone when all the characters are murderers. The second problem is that the whole pirate king and pirate laws make the pirates way less interesting. Pirates are fun because they are outlaws who don't follow rules or laws except their own morals. Putting them in a structured society of kings and laws takes away what makes pirates fun.

I never thought the films were meant for children. I always thought that it was aimed at teens and young adults. But aside from that, great review.

That visual when Beccket walks is slo-mo while his ship is being destroyed is truly amazing. Until the very last shot. That fire that covers him is an effect i've done as a joke, using Videocopilot footage, while working in my first job. Not something that belongs in a 200 milion dollar blockbuster. That just looks soooo cheap. Ps. also i find hilarious that he almost married Elizabeth Swan in another period piece ;)

25:13 - 'Lord knows it can't get any worst.' Then Dead Men Tell No Tales happened.

8:04-Thank god for Kingdom Hearts 3 for retconning the Kraken’s death and making him into a boss fight.

I never thought of the Pirate movies as for kids. (Or families in general except for families with older teens.) Disney or not, these movies are made for adults.

I think what movie reviewers often forget with children movie sequels, is that the children the original movie was intended for, aren't children anymore. Mathew here forgets that "That World's End" didn't come out the same year as "Curse of the Black Pearl". Those "children" this movie is intended for are at least four years older now! Black Pearl (2003) was rated PG-13, so the youngest of this movie's intended audience are now 17 (World's End came out in 2007), more then old enough for darker material and probably looking for something more adult in their entertainment. So movies of this nature should grow up with their audience, because their audience doesn't exist in a timeless bubble. Of course you want to draw in new audiences as well, so you don't want to completely lose the kid friendly tone, but you don't want to draw in new fans at the expense of losing the old. Most movie critics forget that.

The bit about the locker actually makes sense to me tbh. It's another dimensional plane where you are taken to. You can't die, but you aren't in the "Realm of the Living" anymore. It's a pocket within the "Other Side."

Mattew:"if i'm bored, how bored do you think the kids are? Me:i didn't get bored watching the whole movie as a kid

Haha, I loved the wedding in the battle scene, don't care it makes no sense.

To be honest, I think you are a bit too harsh on this movie. I agree there is too much talking instead of action. But when there is action, like the final showdown, it kicks ass. These movies are not meant for kids either. The first has skeletons in it, which is too scary for them. The hanging at the beginning sets the tone. It shows how harsh the west indies are against pirates. Yes, the movie is still the worst of the first 3 movies. But it has its charm, its funny moments and good action. And it is still better than the 4th one.

I guess people like to pretend that Disney movies don't regularly have graphic scenes - excluding violence. There's nothing new about it in Pirates of the Caribbean.

Hahaha! Yeah, Will really did deserve it for being such a shallow, annoying character. Honestly, the relationship between Will and Elizabeth is my least favorite part of the series. To me, it just feels like some little kid holding up a Barbie and Ken doll, mashing their faces together and saying "LOOK THEY'RE IN LOVE! NOW KISS!"

I feel like I'm ready to roll

"The Dutchman must always have a captain as there must always be *_*thunderclap*_* a Lich King."

I’m pretty critical of Pirates 3 myself, but I really do hate that “kids will get traumatized” argument. The mass hanging didn’t scare me as a kid, in fact I found it to be pretty heavy and dark. In the good way that sets up stakes.

Film Brain, its PG-13, the audience knew what they were getting into. The cursed pirates in the first movie seemed more dark and frightening. It's no skin off my bones if some under 10 year old cries over half shots of hangings in a Pirates movie.

The glorious memories of the earlier Bad Movie Beatdown episodes.

4:52 After all of the scary shit in Curse of the Black Pearl and Dead Man’s Chest, I seriously doubt any kid too sensitive for this stuff wouldn’t be in the theater. Pirates was made for I’d say older kids/teenagers/adults. I saw this when I was a kid and it didn’t scar me in the slightest. In fact, I actually love the song they sing in the beginning and I think it does a good job at showing how the pirates are losing badly to the Company.

Lo and behold, Kingdom Hearts 3 actually has a Kracken boss fight. Almost as if it turned into a fix fic of this very movie.

These were never kids movies...

Glad I wasn't the only one disappointed with how the Kraken was just thrown away like it was nothing.

One thing I wish they would have explained: Where did Elizabeth conceal that blunderbuss/grenade launcher she pulled out of em, err, "Somewhere" during the Weapon Search scene? Even Barbossa was confused...

It's too dark for kids? Buddy it's a PG-13 film. I saw it when I was like eight or nine and the dark tones didn't bother me...though I did see both Die Hard and Predator beforehand.

Wait how is this the second Disney movie based on a theme park ride where it opens with a hanging? You know other than the Haunted Mansion

Mattew: "the black pearl destroyed at the enr of the second film is back, bacause it can" the kraken did not destroy the pearl, it's just dragged under into the locker

Personally, I think Welshy has a better argument on this one.

I saw this in theatres and fell asleep right before the action finally started. I was so pissed when I woke up at the end of the movie and my friend told me there was a big sword fight right after I started snoring. Sigh.

Love your reviews! Hope you do one for Pirates of the Caribbean 6!

On Stranger Tides is worse.

I miss Welshy as a content creator. He had excellent analytical skills and he would thrive in the KZfaq movie community now.

One thing that immediately struck me when I saw the Pirate sequels was in the first movie Elizabeth had this romantic view of Pirates, but in the sequels she seemed to hate them with no explanation for her shift in attitude.

>implying that POTC never had adult humor throughought all 3 movies

Wow, a 7 year old review. You've been an awesome vid maker. Thank you for the re-edited reviews!

I remember seeing this as a kid. Didn't effect me none. In fact, it was kinda boring compared to the last two movies.

did you not see the previous movies? They were hardly for kids

i miss welshy and his horror reviews. because i dont watch horror myself.

So something iv always wondered is how these critics would have done the movie better.

Well, to disagree, Pirates of the Caribbean is not generally targeted at a child audience. The films were meant to target both kids AND adults, thus having more mature content and themes. It was never meant to be strictly for kids. If youre making a movie that you want to appeal to both kids and adults, then thats what you do. It has a PG rating(which it shouldnt really) , so "TECHNICALLY" little kids wouldnt be watching it without their parents.

Ah, I remember this film. It's a _mess_ but I like it nonetheless. At least I like it more than number 4, who I completely forgotten what the movie is about. Mermaids? Elixir of life? I think that's it. While the plot of this movie is ridiculous and unnecessarily complicated, I remember a lot of things that stick with me: Singaporeans pirate, The end of the world is a waterfall that leads to another dimension which you have to turn upside down to escape, a witch lady become a giant then turned into lots of crustaceans for some reason, and of course, the most ridiculous wedding ever in the middle of fucking battle surrounded by oceans that want to kill you. This movie is _so_ damn stupid. But the franchise as a whole is not meant to be taken seriously anyway, so the stupidity fits. And I think the Pirates film should have ended here, but nooo...

That rousing speech makes me cringe every time 😂😂

Honestly I don't mind this one even with the flaws. Mainly because the 4th one really shits the bed compared to this one.

This is probably my favorite of the original trilogy And also where I feel the franchise should have stopped at

I like this movie

It really is a product of it's success: Give it an epic length, a dark, adult tone, verbose dialog, coke fueled plot twists, and because-we-can indulgences.

The third of a cinematically unprecedented month of May 2007 with threequels to "Spider-Man", "Shrek" and "PotC".

Still miss welshy's work. hope he is well.

The hanging szene was in my opinion one of the best in the film because of the song and its grimdarkness, which isn't soo historicially incorrect. Well kids in cinemas are an argument, even though a lot of "kids these days" (buah hate me for that) have seen worse at the age of 12.

Ohhh that was the point of flipping the boat. I thought it was something to set up the 4th movie with the fountain of youth.

That moment when Kingdom Hearts III had a better version of the movie's plot and that had an anime boy, Donald Duck and Goofy running around with the realistic human characters.

Davey Jones's locker is purgatory, not that hard.

I miss welshy

Why does all film critics argue about tonal shifts, why must a movie have a consistent tone throughout the film, i will never understand that argument.

18:25 Not Kira Knightley! I’m quaking in my little pirate boots 😑

What movie is at 0:23?

Great review. Highly bingeable channel. Unlike stuckmann and RLM.

Dude, what movies were you watching? Where did you get the idea that these movies were targeted primarily towards kids? In the second film you get a guy being eaten alive by crows while in a cage, they imply that the characters are trapped in a cage made by the bones of their friends, they have the Kraken and Davy Jones, some pretty scary shit, and that’s not even mentioning the generally creepy atmosphere. Show this to a 7 year old, they won’t be able to sleep for a while. The film’s core demographic was young adults, and it had a PG13 rating. You have some good points, but this is a non-existent one and you keep bringing this one up.

Bruh, the movies were never for children. They were always pg-13

6:38 A faaaamily picture...

Fox: If i remember correctly, Pirates were some of the first to want a way of life that had everyone as equals. With the city of Nausau ( probably spelled that wrong), and even havig rules and such on their own ship. They even would, when taking a ship ask s the sailors if they would want to jon the crew. ( Not to mention Pirates like these came about after the British screwed over the Privateers, which were ruled under a king) So Pirates could very well be associated with freedom

I very much enjoyed the 2nd Pirates movie, in fact I really, REALLY liked it a lot more than the first as a cohesive story as opposed to a series of wacky events occurring. So while this one seems like a step down, I might actually give it a looking after all these years. Also really enjoyed Welshy's bit.

Even though I enjoyed the Movie (in spite of it being my least favorite of the Series), I thought this was a Great Review. I actually had a lot of the same Criticisms you had as well.

I'm with Welshie on this one

Well i liked your video brain, no matter how many people disagree with you!

Elizabeth is kings of the pirates... man Luffy must be piiiiissed.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition: Monty Python!!!

I wonder if “climax” was an innuendo

Isn't it counter-productive to do a Bad Movie Beatdown when you don't have a "bad movie" to review, just Pirates of the Caribbean 3? :)

I agree with Welshy on Worlds End

The whole “family friendly Disney” thing died out a long time ago. For me it was Bambi. Disney has always been dark and edgy as **ck. They just happened to be dark and edgy with water color palette so people who aren’t paying attention doesnt realize it. Need further evidence? Look up the recent episode from Nostalgia Critic on Goofy.

Ooh, another old favorite of mine.

why didn't she just go with him? he can't go on land but it's been very well established SHE can go on the ship, even if just to visit now and then.

Will you do a BMBD on Lone Ranger?

Says a movie is aimed at children. Literally shows instances that suggest otherwise. Dude this movie wasn’t a G rating, it wasn’t a PG rating, it was PG-13 as in 13 yr olds. I was 7 when I saw this and the shit that you’re getting fussy about never affected me in the slightest.

I totally agree with Matthew at 4:36 and 4:53.

I loved this movie when I was like 5-10, but I would always just skip to the action scenes

Well yeah, that's what we expected

22:16 Haha! Jack and Jones!

I think they should've had the Sequels be different adventures with the same characters, similar in vein to what they did with Indiana Jones, which I believe was what the Writers originally planned to do.

Huh, and here I thought Rodgers was King of the Pirates. Now that would certainly have spiced things up!

this film aint perfect but aint bad

I think it seemed more personel because Elizabeth felt guilty for lusting after Jack throughout the entire film (straight from the directors) However she makes it seem like revenge. you could have the same traumitzed thing about the Crow eye scene from the second one and both were rated Pg-13 so yeh. Also what always annoyed is WTF did Will's heart need to be cut out? Jones cut his out from the pain of love. Makes no fucking sense. I'm pretty sure the visual of Beckett walking around his destroyed ship was rip offed from Farscape.

Ok let's get this straight Confusing? In what way? They explain everything going on in a few scenes. Also it's pg-13 for a god damn reason. In the pirate world there are such things as sexual references, rape, hanging (Even children), and much more. At times it was a mess but it did still feel a little solid

I loved Keira Knightley in these films. Yeah. This may not have been her best version of her character but she was pretty badass in the first two. 😊

Why would Beckett have the Kraken killed exactly? Wouldn't it prove to an extremely useful tool in taking down pirates considering it can destroy ships in a matter of seconds? The film doesn't even give a reason why Beckett ordered Jones to kill it.

21:25 STOP! Tentacle time.

Michael Bolton is like...

I feel like “ the people aren’t cargo mate “ should have been kept in

Yeah....about it as a Disney film, this is not the only Disney film that is "too dark for children tho" haha.. xD

Jerry Bruckheimer's films have always been violent and bloody. I'm not surprised that there's so much violence in this. Have you seen Bad Boys, Bad Boys II, Bad Boys For Life and Bad Boys Ride Or Die?

I couldn’t tell if you enjoyed Dead Mans Chest or not

Contrary to popular belief, a ship's captain has no authority to marry people on his ship unless he already had the authority to do so on land. Just being the captain of a ship doesn't grant him any special privilege to perform marriages. This is one of those things that most people believe because we've seen it in movies and TV shows countless times, but it simply isn't true.

instant like foe welshey!

Don’t get the criticism about the hanging scenes. Kids see darker stuff and it isn’t that graphic.

GOTTA AGREE WITH THE BRAIN

30:30 good one welshy

30:21 - 30:35

These films aren't meant for children. They're rated 12.

My only problem is that your review didn’t address Elizabeth and Jack Sparrow and how the third movie basically ignored that pairing.