You talk at one point about the victim's perspective. Well, possibly that perspective shifts, because one of the biggest problems getting a victim to communicate is getting past the damage done to the trust mechanism. They become aware that they were victims - not willing participants - and that revelation leads to the inevitable conclusion the system failed them: Parents, tormentors, police and the court system let them down. That recognition at first is this difficult equation: Either the system is not designed to protect "nymphettes" and other victims, or that the abuse is not actually illegal or wrong. The former leads to bitterness while the latter is deep cynicism, and perhaps a contempt for the law. Get past that (and the associated guilt) and maybe just maybe you can try to rebuild something.

I think what Yanagihara does best is putting us in the position of Wilhelm. We're not forced to try and understand Jude, but we grow to love him and we feel the same frustration with him as the people in his life often do. She doesn't sugarcoat how difficult it can be to live with people with mental health issues and trauma - she conveys how frustrating it can be, how hard communication is, and how ultimately we can't ever expect to understand what someone has been through, but we can only listen and acknowledge. On the same note, I think the length and heaviness of the book works in its favour because it is a very active book, not a passive one. It requires patience and commitment, and the ability to acknlowedge the reality of painful stories. One of Jude's worries throughout the book is that he is "too much" for his friends, that he is a burden, which is why I feel it's important to get through this book, to stick with a story which is ultimately painful and heartbreaking and often even evokes a physical reaction, because otherwise we are acting just as Jude fears we will. We have to resist the temptation to isolate oneself from these stories - which is why I think branding this book "trauma porn" simply invalidates the very real experiences of many. This attitude towards the book makes me realise that Jude's worry that he is "too much" isn't necessarily him being a frustrating character, but is unfortunately a very real and valid worry, because we live in a society where the truth is often seen as "too much", and is ignored in favour of an easier outlook on life. That doesn't just apply to Jude's life, of course, but also to elements of life today, with awful things happening worldwide - there is a very human temptation to isolate ourselves from these heavy topics, but like Wilhelm, we should try our hardest to acknowledge them. Also, disclaimer, I talk about the importance of trying to read this book but that is just a general message and in no way applies to those who may find it triggering due to their experiences ❤

This is by far the best review of this book that I've seen, you hit the nail on the head - thank you for this

Hey people must really like your channel because it came up in my feed for the first time. I am not a reader but I would like to be. Thank you for this review. I was sexually molested as a child so I don’t think I’ll be reading this book in particular. I have enjoyed watching “Soft white underbelly” many many times. There is something about seeing the actual person and hearing about the traumas they have experienced that make it easy for me to take in for some reason. Maybe there is some feeling of kinship of the suffering. Because of life experiences and such content I came to understand that I am far far from alone in my own personal trauma. That others have had to endure things that are unfathomably more challenging than what I may have experienced. I have subscribed to your channel and look forward to hearing the review that makes me pick up a book again. Thank you.

Another KZfaqr read this novel and mentioned that parts were hard. I looked up the title so I could find out more about it before I tried it. I really enjoyed your review. I'm still on the fence but feel better informed. I too watch Soft White Underbelly. Many of the videos are so compelling, exposing me to so many different people. I really like the way Mark allows people tell their stories, but is ready to jump in with question if he or she needs it. I looked at some of your past videos and noticed many I look forward to watching as I can. However Play It As It Lays caught my eye. Joan Didion is my favorite author. Play It As It Lays was introduced to me by a new friend in sixth grade. I enjoyed her novels as well as her books that collected essays. I am excited that I found your channel and I look forward to exploring more of your videos.

This review and analysis is underrated. Your articulation and thought put into it is delicate, and I greatly appreciate your counter to the “trauma p***” reviews because I’ve felt the same as you and have not been able to put it into words effectively just how “naive” it is to believe lives like Jude’s have not been lived, and that it shouldn’t be represented in art. As if we can gatekeep art and literature whenever it makes us feel uncomfortable and challenges our beliefs.

I love that you mention happiness. I read a title of a Hindu book that actually shocked me in a strange way. It was Happiness Is Serious Business. And I ended up having dinner at the restaurant, which also sold these books thinking about this and realized it's true. B/c when people are happy they don't do awful things. It shocked me b/c I had a pretty violent upbringing and it took me years to realize, that wasn't normal. Years. People would tell me I'm harsh and I'd wonder what they're talking about. It still happens sometimes. What I love about Jude is that he becomes a lawyer; he survives his abuse and serves society. I don't think people realize how hard that is. I spend months at an Ashram full of people with horrible stories who know what to do but can't do it; can't move on emotionally. Wilhem was my favourite character b/c it is his love that makes it possible for Jude to exist. Thanks for the recommendation. I also loved the writing in this novel; pulled me right in. One book which I found more graphic than this one was ONE CHILD. That was harder to read. It starts off with a 6 year old girl who sets a 3 year old boy on fire. And it's a memoir; not a novel. I know you're trying to scale down on your reading, but if you ever do come across it, it's great. I can't do these books ATM. It's been a bit of a blue winter. I'm rereading Edith Wharton b/c her style is so warm.

As per existential novels of how our "various many selves floating out there", I recommend _Steppenwolf_ by Herman Hesse. A book for deep thinkers

Great review, Alana. I will continue to sit this one out for now. I'll need to be in a certain mood for this as I cry easily reading emotional books.

I have not read this book but I can infer. My mom did foster care for years and I've heard all kind of stories. Someone who says that these things don't happen are living in Lala land. Even without knowledge of the foster system , just living in this world would show me heinous things happen.

I had to stop at a certain point it was a lot emotionally so I am tremendously grateful for your review. I plan to pick it up again when I’m in a better place mentally

👏👏👏👏👏👏 Girl you NAILED this!! I'm so glad you have a counterpoint to all the "PC" usage of the words "trauma p*rn". Most definitely there are people out there who lived and are living with situations described that Jude went through. Mild spoilers: I loved Wilhelm and Jude's father because they NEVER gave up on him. I actually identified with them constantly trying to convince Jude that he was safe and loved, because my mother was abused (not in these manners but enough...) and she is 76 and still deals with the trauma she went through with an alcoholic stepmother plus my father's mother "tried" stuff too. I "loved" this book but not sure i could ever reread it.

This is an excellent review! I have not had an interest to read this novel until I watched your video. Can’t wait to read it!

Thank you for this review, Alana. This was very validating.

when you mentioned hearing stories of peoples experiences that resembled jude’s and even were worse the my first thought was soft white underbelly

Loved this! 100% agree.

Thank you for this review. This book has been on my list I just haven’t been able to get to it. I live in NYC and work in the criminal justice field. These topics do not scare me at all. I work with clients that have had the worst abuse since birth…..I am very well aware of Soft White Underbelly. The worst stories told on abuse and trauma on the internet. But I have to be honest, I am more concerned about Mark Laila. I have seen him on several podcast and there is something disturbing about a very successful photographer, good looking white man interviewing young women almost totally naked. I could be totally wrong about him. Although his content is real and eye opening on the subject of drug addiction, homelessness, sex workers and the trauma these people have endured, I wonder what his intentions are.

thank you for discussing the Trauma P thing, because I could not understand how people were saying stuff like "this doesnt happen in real life"

Library looks good. Best wishes with your reading choices, I hope they make you happy.

I bought it because like you I wanted to know what people are talking about but now I’m looking forward to reading it after your review.

Trauma is a tricky thing. I have always thought this novel fell onto the misery porn side of the fence, but in retrospect I think that because of the things I read in my day job it was triggering for me. While I wish I hadn't read this book, I will say that Hana Yanagihara can write.

I hated this book. It was trite, pretentious, and done to fit a formula.

I followed soft white underbelly a couple of months ago. Watched their episode about a Dom/collared sub relationship.

Video on how you annotate your books? ...please!

I am reading the book now, I have not finished the book yet. What I have read so far and what makes it sad is that is about life. Life not being fair, life not being beautiful all the time, the struggles people go through throughout their life time.

I capital-H Hated it, but a lot of very smart people capital-L Loved it. It got shortlisted for the Booker Prize. Interestingly (I think) I'm one of the few people who hated it less because I was offended by, it and more because I simply couldn't believe in it. The plot stretched credibility WAY too far for me. In the end I was just bored (and oh dear God 800 pages is a LONG stretch to be bored with). Someone said that it's like watching Gray's Anatomy in that you just have to suspend your disbelief at the plot to enjoy it. I suppose I'm just too literal minded, because I don't like Gray's Anatomy either for similar reasons. If you love it, great, but for me, I wish I hadn't bothered. It's a book that people either give one or five stars to, I've seen reviews that pan it and reviews that adore it, and I think the discussions around it generate publicity for it. To each their own.

How did i not know that about the cover photo?? Loved the analysis. I'm gonna get over my fear and read it. Can't be worse than The People in the Trees... can it? 😅

Ive read the book and ive obviously got a high tolerance of abuse etc too because im 56 amd ive lived life. I can understand that some people would find it too difficult to read but sad. Spoliers The story isn't just about abuse, its about the beauty of relationships despite the horrendous conditions that develop them. What these people have are love and understanding that most never experience. Initially i was annoyed with Jude for not seeking professional help but by the end, i understood. Its the same with Willem, he was arrogant to think he could save Jude but he seemed to reach an acceptance that he couldn't but he could love him and be there which he did. Even Harold at the end, selfishly refusing to let Jude go. I was surprised when Willem died but the end was inevitable, you knew what the outcome would be. I felt most for Jude for those 3 years alone. People will say what about the abuse but i feel Jude was most lost without that one person who loved and accepted everything about him which i feel eventually Willem did. Jude was empty, there was absolutely no reason for him to carry on. Should you put all your life into another person? I don't know but Willem gave him a reason to go on. The sad part is that Jude finally left still apologising and that Harold could never put that right, as much as he had already tried. I didn't find the story too much, or too long and I will say whilst it didn't make me cry...it certainly has left an imprint. Its a book you will never forget. That partly is due to the fact that there are Judes and Willems in this world and most likely Judes that never find what Jude actually did. There are children that suffer unspeakable treatment and the world just seems to close its eyes. People who are so blind to this need to really wake up and see what is happening. Cloud fluffy land is a lie. Ugh and what JB did, i found that to be a truly awful thing to do. He was someone Jude never thought he had to mistrust. That's my thoughts. Love it or hate it, it's not a book you are going to forget in a hurry and isn't that kind of the point?

It's very easy for life to get derailed, and it happens every single day.

This review makes me want to cry. My copy needs to hurry up and get here!

Very interesting thoughts! On a lighter note, to me this is the most annoying book cover of the last decade 😅 That lemon-juice-squeezed-in-the-eyes guy has kept me away from this book.

Your talk about love, and the five Greek words for love reminds me of this quote “Love is a Christian word, Anjin-san. Love is a Christian thought, a Christian ideal. We have no word for 'love' as I understand you to mean it. Duty, loyalty, honor, respect, desire, those words and thoughts are what we have, all that we need.” ― James Clavell, Shōgun

All said and fictionized stories are only half of what could have happened and what actually happened.

The book is great, but why is no one mentioning the EXCESSIVE amount of queerness in this book?? Like gurl make it realistic ffs

Mark Laita is a bit sus, I think look into him a little before deciding if you want to continue supporting his channel

Super boring, in my opinion. I think the characters were created as women and in the end they were given men's names to make men look more “sensitive.” That's why women are empathizing more with the main characters. Men don't face problems like that. I also think that the author uses Jude to manipulate the readers' emotions. It's like, he only exists to have bad things happen to him and victimize himself over and over again.

Sorry but this book's overrated

Too much rambling. Get to your points!

This book is problematic in so many ways it's tiring😅... Can't even begin to unpack, but the interviews with the writer tell A LOT, lemme just put it that way... At moments its almost like a fetishising text for sado-masochist voyers.... And furthermore the writer proudly w/o any shame announces that she made ZERO research before making a 1000 page book about the struggles of a disabled person, an asexual person, several gay characters...black characters....while she herself is NONE of those things 😅..... the Jude character is basically like an empty vessel for her projections about disabled ppl. Zero personality beyond the pain. Seriously? I'm just waiting for more decent reviews.... Don't believe the hype ppl! Use your time for way better words than this brick of bull. This reviewer sums it up quite well: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/rpqcnbN6tt_dc4E.htmlsi=7erpJvf3mYeTVB1T