I’ve never heard the terms “warm” and “cold” empathy! That totally makes sense to me. I have BPD, and I have a friend with NPD and a friend with ASPD. I honestly appreciate their cold empathy because when I’m freaking out they’re good at understanding what I feel and why but calmly assure me that things are going to be okay. Sometimes when people have a lot of warm empathy and get upset too it makes me feel like I need to take care of them, but I’m still freaking out, so it makes the stress worse. Thanks for the video! Love your channel! 💕

I often hear people making this mistake that BPD don't have their own "Self" as in they don't know what they like and so on. That is very wrong. We know exactly all the things we like and prefer, we just FEEL like we don't. It's a bit complex to explain so I guess most people don't pick up the difference. For example I like playing basketball, and it's a very "me" thing, I didn't pick it up from anyone.. but I don't FEEL as if I am someone who likes basketball, and I need to tell to someone else that is what I like, us once someone else is aware of me being this way NOW I feel like it's real. Aka we do have a very clear self, likes, dislikes, we just don't Feel it emotionally, because the Outside affects our feelings and Feeling of identity, but not the identity it self. So what ever we do, we need to communicate it to someone, as if magically speaking it into reality, once they know of it, it feels real. -I like cars, I don't feel like I like cars tho.. ok let me tell my fav person that I like cars, boom now I suddenly feel like I like cars, cus it came from someone else's mouth. So it has nothing to do with our actual logical opinions, likes and dislikes, all those are very real, it's just that the emotional undertone is not there, and we need others to create that. Aka we DO have a self, but not a sense of self. (Just as, when we meet with one person we act like them, with another person we act like the other person, and if those people were present at the same time, we would be confused, cus we need to be in more personas. Clearly showing that we don't Actually become like someone else and truly make them part of our peronality, we just pretend for the time being, and stop doing "their things" once we are not with them, and go back to doing things our own way. We do have a self, just change it for others cus we don't have a Sense of self.)

It's kinda refreshing to see someone who doesn't instantly frame npd havers as shitty people who should be abandoned to die alone or a bpd haver who doesn't immideatly go "omg i was abused by this narcissist, they're so evil :((" and a bpd haver who actually has a better understanding of the criteria as someone who suspects they might have both. While I'm not the most satisfied with the dsm-5 criteria because it's mostly based on a stereotype of npd or specifically the "overt" grandiose type when it exists on a spectrum like you said (I'm kinda glad someone finally recognized that tbh) though I'd like to add somethings because of that; npd sense of self, again despite what the criteria says bc it's mostly based on one type, is actually quite unstable or purely non-existant because despite what it might seem like on the outside like "I'm the best", npd self esteem is actually very low and fragile, the whole disorder is kind of like a mask to hide how worthless we actually feel or to act like the best, to perfect to feel any kind of confidence because it, like any other personality disorder, comes from trauma and constant invalidation and therefore the sense of self also purely relies on how we're percieved, if we're overachieving or constantly admired just to feel a tiny bit of elavated self esteem and can actually be really reliant on people like bpd too, to "feed that" or reminds us that we're important or else we just feel worthless (though this might not be the case for everyone). I wish something people talked more about with npd is that, we don't actually have high self esteem, it's actually very low and we're trying to hide that, even from ourselves and cling onto this ideal version of ourselves but it's actually quite unstable because we know we're not actually that deep down. And I feel like, while it's a symptom in bpd and not in npd, fear of abandonment is common in any personality disorder, just presented differently. People with npd might have a severe fear of abandonment too, especially if their main source "narcissistic supply" is people and i feel like the dependence on people because of the need to be reminded that we're important and fear of abandonment can actually go hand-in-hand, especially if you have both bpd and npd, like "if I'm the best, if I can prove I am the best, people won't abandon me, right? Why would they? I already give them everything they want and they can't find better than me so why would they wanna leave me? I'm so great and they will think that too, I won't be left alone again" and when abandoned, it can trigger both like the bpd fear of abandonment and npd fear of abandonment as well as the blow to the ego that you weren't "the best", you weren't good enough after all and cause a crash (also trigger our unstable sense of self bc while we believed we were great, we weren't good enough after all so what now?) so it can actually be a lot more like fear of abandonment rather than abandoning or even abandoning yourself can be more similar to the bpd abandoning of "if I leave first, I can't be abandoned" "if I leave first, I can't feel like I wasn't good enough after all" rather than "you're no longer useful to me" though that can happen too. Npd, despite what the stereotypes may say, can be more like intense effort to avoid feeling worthless by trying to prove we're the best instead of geniunely believing we're better than everyone, it's a disorder filled with lost of shame too.

the abandonment thing isn't so straightforward. lots of people with BPD become so certain that their partner was going to leave them that they try to protect themselves by leaving first.

Through the lens of attachment, NPD's trigger/fear is vulnerability, and BPD's trigger/fear is autonomy. Npd is so deeply afraid of failure because they were raised in a family culture that promoted success and neglected feelings. Bpd is so afraid of autonomy because they were raised in a family culture that promoted self sacrifice and neglected exploration. For people to be secure their parents need to allow them the freedom to explore paired with the comfort that mistakes are ok and can be understood. Generally, you had either one parent whos "ego you were supporting" or a parent whos "emotions you were supporting". Its the compulsive performer vs the compulsive caretaker. The inflated self vs the absent self. All of these memories are stored in your limbic brain and amygdala and so are automatic. They are things your body simply knows through repetition, like riding a bike. They are reflexes.

I am so happy that I found your channel. I was recently diagnosed with BPD and I am really struggling with accepting it as well as the changes that come with it (lightening my workload, not pursuing further career/school paths at the moment, trying to stop impulsive behaviours), I feel like I am behind in life because of this. I am also really struggling with black and white thinking any time I make a 'mistake' in recovery and then feeling like I am back at square one. I am feeling chronic emptiness and like theres no point of living if we all just die anyway. I am trying to be positive, seeing others progress on their journeys gives me hope. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. Thank you SO much

I'm a 25 year old male, and I suspect that I might BPD, NPD, or CPTSD (or some combination of these). To describe my symptoms as quickly as possible, I have a fear of rejection, I get angry easily, I can hold grudges for years over really petty stuff, and I can get jealous really easily. I also have a really hard time talking about my feelings. When they do reveal themselves, they often come out as anger. I have an easier time expressing anger than I do fear or sadness. It makes me feel less vulnerable and more in control, and it also gives me a sense of superiority (that I'm right and whoever I'm upset with is wrong). Ironically, I also desperately want someone I can be vulnerable with. I just have a really hard time doing that because of my fear of rejection.

Great video, could you make a video on the other 2 disorders in this cluster? 🌸

thankyou for clarifying that there can be OVERLAP with npd and bpd. could you kindly share the knowledge/source behind this, i have long wondered about this. THANKYOU

nicely organized

Thanks Kayla!

Can you do a video about how you think a healthy relationship can be forged when one or both partners have borderline or narcissistic personality disorder? Like, if one person is a narcissist and the other person is not, can that relationship work? If so how? Or if one person is borderline and the other isn't, how do they work together to have a healthy relationship? There are other therapists who focus on getting out of relationships with narcissists, for instance. But obviously there must be healthy relationships too? Like what are the steps or boundaries or trust verifications or whatever that can be talked out between partners?

I,VE heard that bpd npd are either side of the coin and that bpd is actually a failed narcissist, they failed to form properly, its also prescient to remember that these conditions came about as a defense mechanism due to some sort of trauma/dysfunctionality experienced in childhood.

You would make a good psychologist or psychiatrists. Forgive me if you are one of these.

Doesnt matter. They hurt loved ones like it's inevitable.. fear of abandonment without communicating to the loved one is a lost cause. In universal law.. ppl who abandon and hurt ppl are sinners period.

I don't see how they get confused. I really dislike narcissistic people, although I think I attract them