Great story! Do you have a story about having kindness and compassion for all beings?

Beautifully said and so simple to understand.

very enlightening. ❤

Thank you so much for this video! I’m a shadow coach (the work developed by Carl Jung). This is such a simple and beautiful way of explaining how things trigger us, why they trigger us, and that it is all from within us. We cannot control others…or an empty boat. we can work on learning about ourselves, and why we react the way we do. We can learn to have compassion for ourselves and for others.

Resonance

Underrated comment

I'm angry that I can't have self control. All I want is to not be angry and that itself makes me angrier because I am rarely in control of my emotions. I'm getting help but it's been difficult because I'm poor and don't have access to good mental health care. It's a nightmare because I also have chronic insomnia, which makes controlling my emotions a thousand times more difficult. I'm trying, day by day.

Appreciate you sharing this

@@little.bear344 I'm no expert, but I noticed in myself a positive change cycle where I gradually slept better as my emotional discipline improved, and better sleep made it easier to respond instead of react. It took work and changes in both areas to see results in either.

@@DistracticusPrime Thank you, that's actually insightful. If you don't mind me asking, did you see a therapist and did you have anything prescribed to help you sleep or what methods did you use to get sleep, besides disciplining and controlling your emotions? Reaction versus response- I also appreciate you saying that. It's very true.

Not exactly,true.

That that right there shows the total stupidity of it all. Nothing you do makes a shit load of difference.

Some people can’t even control themselves.

Someone told me that too. That someone was a covert abuser, attempting to silence me when I was going to expose the group of corrupt co-abusers that this person was linked to. Abusers love trying to convince you that you can't stop the abuse, you can only go off and heal yourself. This is a devilish deception. YOU CAN influence people. Everyone absolutely influences the people around them. You can't 100% absolutely control what others do but you can 99% influence what they try to do in future. If you just silently take abuse without showing anger, they will most likely do it again and again and again. If you instead push back and show you won't stand for it, most likely they will stop or at minimum moderate, hesitate or delay the next abuse. :)

You can control yourself in the sense that your opinions of good and bad are entirely up to you because no one can force you to hold an opinion (i.e., belief, judgment). It will likely take time to undo many of the opinions that cause us to mentally suffer.

That Is an outstanding nugget of proverbial wisdom to emphasize the lesson of the monk's tale..😊

I'm a therapist and I often use a variant of that to help my clients rethink their anger. "Feeling anger is punishing yourself for a crime someone has committed against you."

Ooooooh.

Interesting

@@Dreamskaype Hi. Can therapy help with insomnia? Also, can people be prescribed something for insomnia and have therapy?

I think all mothers teach a similar lesson when you do something wrong because your friend did it and they say, "So if your friend jumps off a bridge, you'll do it too?"

why does a dog need to be leashed if they are not a nuisance .... how would you like to be leashed? Respect all life.

​@@eabutler6861 Many places throughout the USA have laws requiring dogs to be on a leash. Dogs should only be off-leash on the owner's property and nowhere else. It's also a safety issue as well.

@@infoseeker i was kind of kidding, but America is a damn police state these days.... go find some killers and leave the dogs alone and let me choose to not use a seat belt if I'm driving 1 minute away...lol. again all jokes but it can get tiresome, china doesn't even bother people for small things like that.

Well your also a bit of a Karen as dog owners have every right not to have the dog leashed as they would be on the owners property!

@@sjckb04 You're.

You will no longer be brought to anger when you don’t desire to anger others.

Truly!

It’s funny how that works, almost every situation good or bad, people want you to feel like they do in the moment!

It angers them more when you are angry.

And the monk quietly whispered... this mothafu...

Or he saw his toxic ex had stolen tht boat, rowed all the way out to the middle of the lake, just to ram it into his boat as hard as she could, trying to sink his boat & ruin his day, if not his life, outa nothing but pure, unjustified spite. That's the boat that keeps running into me, anyway. It's definitely not empty. & it's hard to convince myself its not intentional, when she does it all the time

@@morrisstewart1528You Morris’s, are one funny dude!

@@morrisstewart1528 lmao

Then the monk remembered that lakes have shores, not banks, and realized it was again all in his mind.

Powerful

that's what the video stated "copy and paste"

Yep

Your boat is not only empty, but it’s sinking, too!

@@mebeingU2my boat is not only empty and sinking but it is also on fire….

There is nothing wrong with anger, it is a natural emotion, you will never be “cleansed” of it or any other emotions. Its what you do with them that matters.

@@HocusPocus6969 Good luck with that ...🤣🤣🤣

​@@its_me_dave it's not about luck, lad. I mean Dave. 😊

​@@HocusPocus6969Anger can be countered and diminished with more positive qualities and traits without bottling up the anger. I'm a firm believer in expression and anger is no exception but its expression should be constructive, not destructive.

Exactly!

A lot of people don't realize they should angry at themself because of their own actions, but it's easier to channel that anger to 'the other'.

​@@teleroel Avoiding personal accountability is like that...

I have to agree. A former boss & mentor, who could see that I was overreacting and taking work matters personally, left a lasting impression when they told me “you can’t choose how you feel but you can choose how you respond”

Our actions result from what seemed most reasonable, so we couldn’t have done differently, but we can in the future because we learn from experiences. Does it make sense to be angry with ourselves? In that sense, our past self is the empty boat.

That's the ultimate nightmare right there: when you reach a point that you can't even live with yourself anymore, when you're no longer content with yourself. Being unable to get along with others is bad enough, but man, when even you can't stand yourself, it's time for professional help.

It means they are good.

Nope. Emotimes is just the residue of our toughts.

​@@SenjinoneEmotions come first, thoughts second, if at all.

@@davidwuhrer6704 Nope. 99% of your emotions are created by your toughts.

@@Senjinone You don't know me. Don't assume too much.

“What begins with anger, ends in shame.” Benjamin Franklin

An empty boat or one operated by another person are still the same: a factor outside of your control. Getting angry at someone running into your boat is as unnecessary as getting angry when an empty boat runs into you.

I have studied Buddhism for nearly 2 decades now, including at university. It has many things to teach. But it was conceived as a philosophy before we could measure evolution. Our emotions need to be examined and controlled. But evolution put those emotions there for a reason. It was no accident and it was not done lightly. The entire crux of survival is conservation of energy. These emotions serve a purpose, and would not be there if they were a waste of energy. Buddhists always have smart answers, and some of them help. A lot are just ego or ignorance though. People are just people. Buddhist monks are just people. They just happen to have better answers than any other 'religion'. Yes, It's a religion. Common usage and the placement of temples in city centres has converted a great philosophy into just another mediocre religion, sorry to say.

The point is not their intent but our reaction. Whether they intend to cause us harm or not, our response is always our choice.

Agree. Pretty sure the "boats" hitting the kids of Gaza aren't empty, nor did they "attract" this into their lives, as the video says. The same thing applies to victims of abuse and crime, etc. This philosophy would have them think that: a) it's all their fault; and b) to become righteously angry about it is wrong. I'm so over this toxic positivity and law of attraction crap.

What the monk is doing is getting angry _when his eyes are still closed_ . That is imagining without knowing truth of the matter at hand (not "the" truth). I have done that so many times to know that if I would just look at the other side with "eyes open" as it were, I wont have to be miserable. Yes, people will have bad intentions (boats not empty) but this story can definitely cover those situations with one's state of "eyes closed". Perhaps the interpretation of the story is little far fetched. If you know the intention of next person, you could be justified in feeling what you feel I guess. But then again, how many times we know someone else's intention *for absolute certainty* ? Though I agree that sometimes it's just right in front of you.

Isn't Zen the Japanese form of Buddhism?

From the ninth century CE, migrating to the Island Kingdom. Important to note here: it's practice is known as 'zazen', literally 'not Zen'. Difficult to speak of Zen ~ hence the parables. Yes, the strawberry was good.

Then you might enjoy more of the Buddha’s wisdom. It does not detract from or compete with any other religion you might follow.

Sometimes so much easier said than done. ☹️

You cannot control the outcome of your actions, you can only control your actions. You are not entitled to the outcome of your actions, you are only entitled to your actions.

With meditation you can get a better control of what you feel.

@@wideeyevideo Meditation can help you get more control over your own thoughts and therefore your feelings, mood, and actions based there off. I won't say full control, as I doubt it's possibility but first and foremost I think it's safe for us peopke that a lot of things work in our subconsciousness - which we don't have direct control over. Why do you think that all control is an illusion? I'm curious to read your answer.

​@@wideeyevideo Thank you for replying still. I deem your info rather important and inspirational to me personally, hence I would find it very worthwhile for it to stay undeleted. I to think we don't have free will, which I understand contradicts my previous post about gaining more control through meditation. Now I think of it 'awareness' would be a better word rather than control. Still, I try not to think about it too much as I feel it will holds me back from doing whatever it is that I feel like doing. And yet, our society with its punishment and reward system is based on the idea of individuals having free will and control over their actions, which if the absense of free will would be proven to be true and accepted as such, our society will no longer function as such. Therefore I choose/am programmed to not think about it too much. I've read about thought control to be some sort of paradox because: you can't think what you'll be thinking next. My conclusion so far from that is that because we can't think what to think next our thoughts are not our own. What are your thoughts on this? - yeah, even that very question makes little sense now, does it? XD

Thank you

Thank you.

Anger is a spirit that you can either feed or observe until it realizes that you won't engage in it's stupid emotional games. Most women live and thrive of off anger and men with anger are just like women. "Hell hath no fury..."

​@@Live-Life-Freely and you are so better than women?

Who is that empty boat that said men with anger are like women 😂 can we push it over the waterfall

@@Live-Life-Freely Wrong. The goal is the right feeling at the right time in the right amount. Anger at the right time in the right amount is absolutly vaild and pretending otherwise is some fake masulinity bullshit. With that said, most people have the some part of that wrong.

Thank you for your comment

I think that is more like fear. Anger is, in my opinion, the result of feeling like control over the situation is taken away or something happening that feels unfair/ unjustified. Anger is the tool we use to recapture the previous situation: to regain what we think we are entitled to.

Well said!

@@getmetoineRight or wrong anger exist in all of all and it’s natural! I believe the action you attach to it is important!

@@hobowithawaterpistol9070 it is natural because it exists. However, it is based on ignorance. The boat should have hit me due to cause & effect, even if it was intentional. Anger comes from a dislike of reality. Something our mind judges as bad has happened, so now we’re angry. We prefer the boat not to get hit, so we decide to meditate with our eyes open while floating down the river. If we get hit, there’s no anger because we understand that this is reality, and disliking it causes mental suffering and, oftentimes, makes external outcomes worse due to negative emotion blocking rationality.

@@AlterAbility Very true!

Is there a particular training course or certification process involved in becoming a ShadowCoach? I have never heard of this profession/designation before, but am interested in learning more.

@@nothanks5846 Hi. Yes, there is a particular training/certification course that I’ve taken. Right now I’m in the process of getting my certification and I still need coaching hours. The coaching I do while getting my certification is free of charge. If you would like to contact me, we can talk about it and I can tell you about shadow coaching. You can reply to this comment and I believe it will show up on my KZfaq. Let me know if you wanna talk about it and I can send you contact info. I can tell you that it’s very deep self work and it has been life-changing for me.

@@nothanks5846 I thought that I answered you, but I don’t see my comment. I will comment again: Yes, there is a course that I took and I’m in the process of my certification as a shadow coach. I still need a number of hours to complete my certification and during that time the shadow coaching is free of charge. I also want to say that its very deep self work and has been life-changing for me. If you’re interested in talking about it, respond to this reply and I should get a notification on my KZfaq account. I can send you contact info and I can tell you about it.

The last Metros were made in 2001. That you have kept it ....A Metro now...... running for 23 years is pretty Zen(or whatever) in itself. You are a master

Anger is an early stage we are naturally prone to or later, conditioned too. Hurtful, inconsiderate, disrespectful people are ignorant of a better way to live, with insight and compassion, and your compassionate understanding of them will not give them the reflexive response they internally expect of you so as to feed their self-hate-based self-image. They were denied as children, and are compensating. Work on your own growth and enlightenment, for it is the best you can to for the world.

@tjjharris I have already achieved the compassion and understanding to allow me to live a joyful life. There is a time when all must face the fact that true evil exists. Sociopaths and psychopaths will use our compassion to abuse and torture us worse. It seems to truly offend them to see kind and happy people. They see us as the rabbits/victims of society. They cant change and psychopathy is basically untreatable. Their joy is hurting others. Making excuses for them, or denying this will only get you or others into perfect victimhood. Pointless really, unless you are a Masochist.

I understand your reasoning but the Spiritual path transcends conditioned responses of hatred and fear. Is it better to live in peace and die at the hand of a murderer or live a fearful and vengeful life and die of old age?

@@user-lj7be4wy4q I'm sorry but I can't make sense of your answer. I'd rather live a peaceful life and make it to 100, or however long the good lord wants me to.

@@tjjharris How'd that work for the people who thought if they just took the higher road with Hitler, everything would be rosy?

Lol

I had one like that...on a windy day, & a shopping cart blew into my vehicle making a small dent & dislodging paint. The cart was empty but I realized a thoughtless person had not tended it after loading their own groceries. I will never meet that person, but I will be cautious where I put my vehicle on a windy day!

😂😂

I took the cart home.

What were you doing in an empty shopping cart

But can my boat be on fire?

Haha!

You seem to have entirely missed the point.

@@markdomar4944 And so Sir, do you.

True, malevolence is a full-time occupation for some. In those cases anger is useful in setting the precedent that you will not tolerate this further - because asking nicely does not work for these people.

@@markdomar4944 Or did he miss ... the boat? Bwahahahahaha

@@wascawywabbit0987no, sorry, you're the only one who missed the point. The point is that anger comes from within yourself, not other people. The boats occupants and their intentions are irrelevant to the story.

So happy it brought value for you

@ProgressMastery Accept my mind is a little more complex than that. Maybe a different analogy would help. I don't know. Who's the asshole that led his boat float around in the lake by itself?

Or maybe it was one of the many inept people that go to work every day and do their job wrong. They made the rope the tides boat to the dock. Who knows

great comment

@arizonadreaming4183 Thank you. I put this in to practice, and it has worked wonders.

Disagree. I’d suggest all readers to examine evidence about emotional regulation. There are many ways to regulate emotion - suppression, distraction, re-appraisal - generally reappraisal along with long-term consistent effort in suppression is the way to change your feelings. Ignoring emotion (distraction) is the least effective. It works in the short term but not long-term. You will just live a life of the emotional rollercoaster - constantly getting upset, and constantly pausing your life to settle down. It’s possible to have better long-term ability to negate those emotions before they bother you at all.

@gomer2813 While I respect your opinion, I reject this idea because to suppress the emotion is not dealing with the emotion. My technique is simply to not allow the emotion to take control of your higher judgment so that you can see clearly all paths to deal with the situation that created the emotion. By not allowing the emotion to take control in the moment. You can see other options you won't think of if you simply react to the emotion. When we suppress the emotion and cover it up, it festers and poisons the mind, body, and soul.

@@user-th8vi4mo8j recent research on emotional suppression shows that it works. Sometimes has the paradoxical effect, which is what people who are opposed to suppression/repression assume to be the case, but almost always has either a weak or null effect. For the record, emotional acceptance also can have a paradoxical effect. For example, both “accepting” and “seeking” happiness makes people less happy. Most non-modern non-western cultures use suppression and it seems to work well. Eastern cultures use it far more than western cultures and there is little evidence that they are more insane or miserable. The Western hatred of suppression/repression comes from dogmas of the early days of psychology, which is a time when psych gurus did not often back their theories with evidence or experimental results. As for distraction, studies indicate that it has a powerful short term effect but absolutely no long-term effect. Some modern researchers think that suppression works best when paired with re-appraisal, which means rethinking your opinions and reinterpreting the things around you. The idea is to get to the point ideologically where the thing that frustrates you seems like a stupid thing to be frustrated about. Sometimes this also means learning “how to deal with it.” But not always; depends on what kind of thing it is. Then, you simply have to tell yourself “don’t buy into my own bullshit.” There will be a period of years where you still are upset about this thing, even though you know how to deal with it. During that time, you use suppression to deny your emotions (that’s the part of “don’t buy into your own bs”). There is a lot of evidence in surveys and from case studies for the efficacy of re-appraisal, the only problem is that it is hard to “make” people do it in a lab setting.

Interesting!

Imagine how angry the guy who lost his boat was

You can't help someone if they don't take responsibility for themselves. If that's what you're dealing with, you need to get help for yourself. If the person is willing to do their work, then I have 2 suggestions, both lift the mind out of the limbic system. First, the simple controled breathing exercise that's going around. Each of the 4 steps is done while internally counting to 4, breath in, hold, breath out, hold. So simple but over time, if done rigorously, it can calm the mind. The other tip, look up. The position of the eyes access different parts of the brain. To get out of emotion, take a walk and look at tree tops or the sky. Be well.