Hi Lloyd, I’m a therapist from Australia who is also an ex jw. Any followers who are looking for support with their mental health, I would love to offer my services. With my background and understanding, it allows me to relate to my clients and for them to not have to educate or explain the nuances of the religion to their therapist. Thank you for your advocacy work. You continue to help so many people.

To me, it just sounds like two people who used to be on the same path (albeit in a cult), to two people who are now grown apart. I'm all about therapy, it saved my life; but, ultimatums are not something therapy should bring you to.

Mr. Evans: I'll take what I can get, but I do miss your many and informed videos. Much respect to you, sir. For my fellow commenters, have you thought about picking a playlist and letting it play in the background to support this channel? (Just a thought.)

Easy, it is called GROWING APART. You either have her respect your way to live or divorce. Really that simple. You had a good ride, now move on.

When my exhusband and I jointly left 14 years ago, I filled the void with schooling and volunteer organizations. He filled his with alcohol, cigarettes and women. We divorced 8 years ago.

Tank you again for this view of the problems. What can come by if you are or leaving a cult. I'm luckily out far way ago. Keep up the good work, Loyd, and let nobody get you down!

Hang in there Lloyd keep the content coming

The function of religion in human society is complex. The part played by religion in psychiatric disorders is even more obscure. Previous literature and theories are divided into two groups: one school believes that intense religiosity is a symptom-complex indicative of psychiatric disorder, while the opposing view is that religious belief in some way acts as a defence mechanism protecting the individual and his psyche - Gal 6:2

Damn Lloyd, your glow up is 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼😍

Ultimatums aren't healthy. Boundaries are. Ultimatums are controlling someone else. Boundaries are about us managing our own situation. I don't think the fact that the caller refuses to go to therapy is the reason the marriage is ending. It's probably related to WHY his wife wants him to go to therapy. In a situation like that a boundary would sound more like, "I will not be in a relationship with someone who does xyz. I am removing myself from this relationship." Truth be told... every person raised as a JW needs therapy, but like you said, that is for the individual to choose.

Anything is a cult when you make it your central basis of all thought...

So good to hear you Lloyd, playing try and make more recordings.

Lloyds uploads 🎉🎉🍻

I was kind of like her.. I tried to convince my parents to make a therapy. To wake up from that cult is a mind blowing experience and you get an totally different perspective on life. At the same time people who are leaving have to rebuilt their identity. Feeling deceived or frustrated can lead to old behaviour patterns. In most cases and for most people therapy is useful, but it's not helpful trying to force someone to do it. It's a problem itself. And actually there are people out there who maybe won't benefit from a therapy.

Yahhhhh ...my favourite segment is back. Noone does these like you do . X

Awesome! Pls give us more of these responses to calls. Its really cool

Not everyone is meant to be together. Asking your mate to go to therapy isn't "cultish", it's a signal that the other person feels strongly that there are problems in the relationship that need a mediator. My ex refused to even try therapy which meant I was at the end of our road and i exited to find peace of mind on my own, (and yes, you may need several tries to find the right therapist). If you can't afford therapy, and the other partner feels they aren't happy, then you need to move on. All the best to them.

Hi loyd and everyone, wow Loyd looking gorgeous.

Hi Loyd.

Does it seem like some people who leave one cult, often become activists for their new “truth,” whatever that truth happens to be. It could be therapy, a political tribe, health, whatever, even if these are positive things. And those who don’t see this new “truth” feel sort of like enemies.

Ultimatums are the death knell of a relation.

I can’t help but think there is more to this story. From his perspective it seems like his wife is just trying to make him go to therapy because she’s so extreme about it. But unfortunately a lot of people who have unhealed past trauma don’t realize all the ways it affects their current behavior and relationships. It’s very possible that his wife is negatively affected by how he’s showing up for her and sees how important it is that he gets help to heal. I’m not saying giving an ultimatum is ok, it’s not. And people can definitely work on their issues without traditional therapy. But I would definitely be interested in hearing her side of the story.

Very unlucky getting a therapist that wasn't any good? I was searching for 20 years without luck. My experience was that I would answer questions and tell them what I thought was relevant but got nothing back. That kind of blank stare is one that disturbs me greatly now. I think that there are many terrible therapists out there and you have to be extremely lucky to get a half decent one. I hate it when people make out that it's easy to find good therapy. It's not.

OMG the cultish behaviour towards therapy and healing is a trend rn!!! There's a lot of "HEALING" talk out there. The new age too, is exhausting. I think we're all just trying to find our authenticity and sovereignty. The wife is coming at it from a toxic point of view and prescribing what works for her onto her husband. I did that with an ex once, not good!!! many therapists suck but not all. i found a great one 20 years ago she's just pricey!!

Yeah can see the point about finding the right therapist. I once had one who was a Mormon and he did NOT understand the damage of high-control religion. I found therapy useful only after I found the right one who specialized in religious trauma. Is it possible that she didn’t mean to set an ultimatum, but rather to set a boundary? As in “this isn’t working. If you don’t want therapy then this doesn’t work for me.” She’s maybe just communicating her needs. But yeah, I can see his side too. Replacing one thing with another.

It seems like this gentleman's wife may have an "all or nothing" outlook, much like being in a cult. Perhaps the mind control of watchtower is still at play. Very sad. Perhaps she's programmed to only be comfortable if things are highly controlled. It's terrible that watchtower could still maintain control even after someone leaves and seeks help.

my thoughts of ultimatums is. never give in to one. what ever it is. If you do. you are only going to get more.

I have gone through divorce. There is a life after.

Why doesn’t she do therapy on th husband Save money

All ex JW’s should do therapy. The wife is right. It’s not “cultish”

Let her go down the path she is going. If you push her, she is going to go anyway. You went down the path of resistant God. At that time, would you listen to anyone. Let her be and show her love, if you love her. If not let her go. Wishing you both well 🤔❣️🙏

Sounds like his wife is addicted to controlling others. She may have learnt this behavior from early childhood, and it shows what damage this organization can do to families. So, it possible if you are thinking about leaving this organization before having kids.

There are always other woman. Younger woman.

Sorry Lloyd, but your handling of the subject is problematic and inadequate. 1. The caller did not describe anything that would do justice to the evaluation as a cult. Especially as former members of the JWs, one should not devalue this word just to be able to frame a topic with it. 2. Asking the other person only whether they have ever heard of others living psychotherapy as a cult, but explicitly excluding the possibility of getting help from you, gives a good insight into the person's mindset and possibly justifies the polarising portrayal (in the sense of "partner does everything wrong, I do everything right"). 3. We all know that JWs cross boundaries time and time again. Setting personal boundaries about your partner's behaviour is right and important and by no means toxic. So admitting and demanding boundaries in the process is perfectly fine and in fact an extremely important step in the healing process. For people who are not that advanced in their process yet, this may seem harsh. But even they will come to realise that it is the right thing to do. If today, after leaving the JWs, it is a requirement for a person that their partner undergoes therapy, that is absolutely their right. Just as it is the right of the partner do decline, bearing all according consequences. 4. If one approaches psychotherapy with a fundamentally wrong attitude, it cannot help. To what extent the JWs demonisation of psychotherapie still plays a role here would need to be clarified. 5. Certainly, the consequences of the JW period are different for everyone. However, it is undisputed that the JWs are a high control group that operates with manipulation, subversion and threats. It is obvious that this, especially if you were born in, leads to misprogramming in character and the psyche in general. To not hide and not avoiding these effects is an tough challenge. There are various compensation mechanisms that allow one to maintain life structure and thus cushion the true effects of the JW period. However, these effects will always hit. The only question is when. All the better if you have scientifically sound, clinically proven help from psychologists or psychotherapists at your side. With a little empathy and knowledge of human behaviour, one could have recognise the one-sidedness of the callers descriptions. You have not asked enough questions about this or worked deep enough to point it out. It is very problematic to make psychotherapy and people who (strongly) advocate it look so hearless and uncooperative. By doing so you are potentially contributing to victims of JWs not receiving adequate help because they could get the feeling that psychotherapy is not a valid demand. I strongly recommend that you take a closer look at this issue. And not only in the course of your personal contact with a therapist. It is good that you're counseling, even more this should let you feel the importance. But also shed light on the overarching, meta-level in relation to psychotherapy as such and even more so in relation to cults and leaving cults.