Gabor Mate says that trauma is not just what happenes to a child but what doesn't happen or not enough good things happening.."

"Children are resilient" has become an excuse for adults to do whatever they want.

I think that the immaturity in our society has grown so much that we tend to think that children are born problematic and parents suffer because of it. In most cases, as in the one described here, it's the problems of the parents that make children sick in the brain and it's no job for a mental health specialist to fix that. It's the parent's job to get help in order to help the child. Thanks for stressing this important issue Daniel!

My oldest sister tried to smother me with a pillow when I was a baby I was told, she was always spiteful and filled with hatred towards me. My mum never ever fought my corner, even to this day. It's caused me endless problems in my life, I've been accused of being a sociopath too. Never married or had meaningful relationships. I could go on..Thanks for this video it explains a lot.

No one is born a Sociopath/Psychopath. No parent wants to take responsibility that it was them that formed their child.

I'm adding another comment probably because this story hits home. As I see it most parents base their success on raising a child/ children based on the necessities, food, shelter and education however there needs to be some kind of education given to parents about the emotional aspect of raising children.

Forgoing having children was disappointing to my 20-30 something year old self. However my husband and I knew we had gaps, blind spots and wounds from our respective weird/difficult/neglectful childhood situations. Energy and time “re-parenting” myself has been rewarding, lifesaving and has served the greater good. Re-parenting, which remains in-progress, is something not achievable had I insisted on “having it all.”

This happened to me in adulthood when my mom forcefully hospitalized me bc I was having a mental breakdown , anger issues and sadness and grieving ,everything was all mixed together and I was so confused since it was my first time processing what I went through in childhood. I’ve met the worst psychiatrists , that’s why I don’t like psychiatrists. I don’t trust them. One psychiatrist was laughing while I was crying infront of him, when I think back I was too sensitive and just like your friend I would feel every small injustice against me and react to it ,but seeing him laugh at me made it worse , I got panic attacks & autonomic dysfunction after being discharged from the hospital and I still have them after 9-10 years .He tried to diagnose me with some kind of personality disorder but I never believed him, and I’m so proud of myself for never believing in him . He wasn’t the only psychiatrist who emotionally abused me ,one other psychiatrist sided with my mother just because she was the “parent“ and tried to gaslight my experiences/childhood trauma .I know how painful it is to be judged in the most vulnerable state, it really affects and damages your way of receiving things, i’ve only started to truly believe in myself just recently .

parents wants everything, perfect job,perfect house,perfect cars,perfect kids... never have enough

This is very similar to what happened to me. My parents were both totally absent and I was left to my grandparents who would park me in front of the TV for days on end. By the time I was 17 I dropped out of school and was getting high/ drunk every other day. They tried to convince me I am bipolar and put me on medications, I eventually left in my early 20s, been a street musician for almost a decade. Tried to reconnect a few times but is always the same bs, they want to put me on anti depressants or label me some way instead of chilling for a second and accept maybe I just need to be seen, heard, accepted for who I am instead of molding me to their narratives. The lack of comprehension of their own emotions is astonishing. I decided not too long ago to finally disengage totally and life is better than I could have ever imagined, I started working as a programmer, found some emotional stability, feel better about myself every day. It was hard, especially at the very start, I almost lost it. You videos helped a lot, both then and now, especially the ones about schizophrenia which made me realize at the time I was detaching from reality to avoid feeling the deepest loneliness. Thanks Daniel for your work. You helped me regain my mind.

This story illustrates our society's adulation of narcissists. So sick!

We live in a society where the lunatics are running the asylum so to speak- the truly mentally ill/emotionally detached are locking up and silencing those who point out blatant injustices and oppression of those same ppl. And recreating cycles of mental harm, disassociation, and abuse. However, I have slight hope in humanity and the future when I see my friends as parents to their young kids, and who are truly loving, caring and attentive - very much unlike our own parents who abused and neglected us growing up.

I love how you pointed out the perverse pleasure people have when they pass their negative patterning onto others. People feel less powerless about their own wounding when they wound others in the same way. It's so insidious and tricky to deal with, as someone who has recognized this tendency in myself.

Thank you so much. I see in my experience most psychology schools of thought focus solely on the child - they see what's wrong with the child (grown up or still infant). Very very few actually DARE to point a finger back a the parents and say "Maybe you were the problem, maybe there's nothing wrong with your child, maybe he or she was born just fine but you did a horrible job being an actual parent". The minimization I get from everyone in the form of "Oh you didn't have it that bad", or "Oh what are you talking about? You had great parents!", it's just infuriating. I know what I experienced. I know the cold, lonely, contemptuous childhood I had. My parents "paid my bills", and that's it. There was two hugs a year, one on New Years Eve and one on birthday. I remember when I told my mom I FINALLY had a girlfriend, so happy and excited, and she looked back at me a said "So?...", and went back to whatever she was doing when I shared the "good news" with her. Now she wonders how come I don't talk to both of them, at all. They were shitty parents, who were great at paying the bills. It feels really good to know I'm not crazy for feeling like I do. Some people are just not good enough parents, and there is that.

It was ‘fancy neglect’. Exactly! Neglect is neglect 🙏🏾❤️

The parents wanted an ‘easy’ fix, bc to actually look at themselves and their lack of parenting/connection would mean they’re lives weren’t perfect - that they weren’t perfect. That would mean the parents would have to look at their own wounds and face the scary in the mirror. The ego couldn’t take it. They know it too. People like this all do. Poor son, he became the scapegoat for people who were uncomfortable with looking at themselves and their feelings.

Thank you truth teller!! You basically described my childhood trauma and my family. Differences in the details and diagnosis of the children. But basically the parents passing on their trauma and then acting as though they are the victims of their children. In my story I became "autistic" as a result of my father's violence (he's a sociopath/psychopath) and was then a "burden" on my mother (who died young from the family stress!) and eventually became the scapegoat for all of the family's problems at my father's hands after her death. My father is dangerously violent, and has caused so many problems for his children. Yet they believe all of the family's problems are my fault for being different. Why is it so hard for most people to see how all of these things are connected? Because most people don't like thinking about things that make them uncomfortable. Things that force them to look in the mirror. They will find alternate explanations that protect them from responsibility while blaming the most vulnerable. I have really been enjoying getting to know your channel. Would love to see a video on familial scapegoating...

Great case study! It’s so obvious neglect and abuse creates dysfunctional narcissists. The parents love to pass blame and responsibility onto the kids and psychiatrists. It’s so sick. When I finally started speaking out to my family about the abuse they said a lot of people get treated that way and I am in a psychosis.....these people are sick

I was the oldest of 3 children. My brother who was 5 years younger was put in my room. He would never leave me alone, and growing up became more and more dangerous towards me. Ripping my top open the only time a friend came round when I was 15. I had to pack my own lunch box since I was 7 but there was often no food in the cupboard and I was bullied at school because I’d ask others for food. My parents had decent careers (Dad an engineer, mum a teacher with honours in psych) but they neglected us and my brother would practically explode in rage and sometimes nearly killed me. I’d often try to tell my parents before it got dangerous but they would punish me. I’d get severe beatings from my dad. My mum and dad would scream and shout at each other and us around the house. My younger sister (3rd child) was treated like an extra kid and was not encouraged. My brother is a fairly decent person now but cannot feel empathy and often has rage. At 16 years old when my mum and dad began to have affairs and were arguing around the house, just after my mum’s parents died (involving my mum flying to Greece, where her parents lived, and the UK, where they were burried). I started to get a very bad stomach /gut pain that lasted a couple months and my parents never took me to hospital. Eventually I could not sleep from stress. I did not sleep for 11 days and nights. Eventually they took me to a psychiatric hospital. I was raped by a psychiatric nurse working there (he was around 55-60). Then I had to go back to my private school. The people who I thought were my friends heard from gossip from my mum talking to my friends mothers that I had bipolar. My parents from then on scapegoated me as the responsibility of the family’s trauma or problems. And then my brother said that he had problems with how I behaved growing up. I had never instigated a fight with my brother. He would attack me violently for using the computer when he wanted to (when I got there first) or would kick the back of my chair in the car, threw metal toy cars at me, would latch on and bite and never let go, pulled my hair, threw knives and chairs at me. I have since been hospitalised by my parents several times (even when not living with them) and they have come in, sat down and acted like perfect, academic, emotionally sensitive parents. 2 psychiatrists treated me sadistically and it was like a prison, where I was blamed for my trauma and my parents were treated as perfectly good people.

Thank you for your empathy. I am the older child. My brother is just a year and a half younger than me. My life used to be horrible, enduring all kinds of mocking, irony, stupid jokes from him. My parents never protected me. I had to hide my hurt, sadness and anger because "I'm the older so I have to behave in a mature way". When I fought back, I was punished and shamed.

I am grateful for your perspective. A Pre-egoic trauma gets buried so deeply in unconscious, and why it’s so excruciatingly challenging.

You’re such a real expert. You’re not like a normal therapist. You’re real!

I just got out of a relationship with a psychopath/sociopath. It was the worst thing I've ever had to go through. They're dangerous people that critically need to heal themselves. It is true what you say, not many therapists are going to go against the grain and tell the parents what they don't want to hear but what they need to hear. Most parents stop listening when you tell them that they contributed to their child's behavior.

This had my blood boiling! What an atrocious injustice and failure by the parents and the surrounding community. It probably maddens me all the more the many parallels this story has with my own; the blindness and passivity in everyone around the family and this selfish pursuit of their own interests in spite of having had children, not recognising their duty as parents. I was at one point very unwell from it all but fortunately managed to avoid medication, even as my father would threaten me to take me to a psychiatrist as an adolescent if I didn't improve my grades. It's a miracle to be alive to this day, having cut all ties with my family. Many childhood friends of mine have been treated in similar ways and I got the opportunity to observe their development first-hand over the years from a close-by position. I'm currently coming to terms with the fact that one of my old closest friends has become a pathological liar and just recently a father himself; I tried to offer him guidance for years but he always rejected it, I know it's because his wealthy, abusive father is "bribing" him "under the table" with expensive gifts and the promise of a significant inheritance. Another soul sold by the pound.

Thank you! I think the emotional space left for a child is a huge predictor of your opinion of yourself. I was third son of an unhappy, dishonest middle class marriage. I had to become my mothers little helper while being bullied by my father. My mother was sick of men, so I hid my 'masculinity'. My rage came out in my 20's in the form of self-hatred. Somatic unwinding has been far better than therapy for me. My therapist was an idiot, and leaving her was the beginning of proper healing. I've found my own inner screaming baby, tried to hold him and reassure him. Very difficult as it makes me sound a bit 'mad'. As you say, grief has been the key, and it's wonderful and frightening to feel it. Keep up the great work!

Thank you! For the validation. Here in Italy the abuse is common in families and not seen as that. I am a 'scapegoat' living behind the whole family, after many attempts of talking with them. Yes, for us adults who grow up with neglect, healing is necessary in order to not be toxic toward ourselves and others.

it’s sad that forms of abuse such as emotional neglect, emotional and mental abuse cant be as easily identified as physical abuse and so people cant be charged with it legally

God, the worst thing I ever did was listen to a psychiatrist regarding my son. All they want to do is medicate and yes... tons of side effects. Just horrible

Thanks for validating neglect as serious trauma. Like a brain injury. I just processed some memories yesterday and realized just how nobody cared about my feelings and problems and where they came from - and I experienced alot of neglect that went under the carpet and left me feeling like a worst person in the family. Even If everybody was acting out more openly than me, becouse i was the joungest. There was a moment where I acted out, but was shamed for that so I started to feel depressed and suicidal instead.

He thought he was a “bad son” 👀 😝👌 What an absurd, delusion; dogs aren’t bad, the owners are.

Hi Daniel. I know this family. Know several of them. Forty years ago the parents would not listen. Now they are paying the price - the son is now the bully of his parents. Now all these parents ask, 'what happened to my children. My own parents created a narcissistic older sister for me. They call me a codependent, because we were both abandoned. So here we are. Sis is dead and at 75 I am trying to get healed in my emotions. And fortunately I do have a few breaths of fresh air from my therapy. It feels good.

I spent all my life trying to please everone.

I have a similar story. Just never escalated to the jail part. 21M. Only child. Parents locked me up at home when going for work. Disabled things like the TV, computer, landlines because I was getting "addicted" to them. They used to keep a nanny before but I had an argument with a nanny and they never kept one after that. Had to get ready and go to school all by myself. Have spent a lot of time in my head. Got physically and sexually assaulted by a maid. Bullied at school for being fat, black and unattractive. Parents came back late from work and didn't interact much with me. They were angry with me most of the time for not being perfect. Have thought of suicide countless times in my life. Been poking around at what's wrong with me for the past 5 years. Only since last year have I made any real progress. Journaled my life to get the timeline clear and have clarity on what happened. Went into a 12 step program for an obsession I have. Been off of that for a month now. Discovered your channel a few weeks back. You are brilliant with your deductions. I was not able to figure out on my own all the stuff you have been saying in your videos. You are a godsent man. Honest and raw. Keep making these videos. It helps me understand my life and grieve.

I felt jealous of this man's attention he got when he went on hikes on Sundays. Now I'm second guessing myself, did I hear that right? We got one hike growing up, it was "fancy" at a far away park. But, we never were taken to the park 1.5 blocks away. We discovered it at teens. However, we got to "spend time" with our parents all morning Sunday at Jehovah's Witness meetings where if we made a noise or didn't pay attention we got spanked. On Saturday morning we were forced to "go in service" which is recruiting/door knocking (since infancy), sometimes that was not with our parents though and I was happy when it wasn't. They were punitive, grumpy, and mean. Lot's to grieve. Thanks Daniel, and I really hope you don't read this. It is too depressing. My parents were so bad that the stories I heard as an adult informed me that the fellow witnesses KNEW my parents were abusive. They stood by and did nothing though, and that makes me angry. Rant over. Stay away from Jehovah's Witnesses; it's a cult.

Fancy neglect. I like that way of putting it.

I’m a severely depressed parent of two girls Maddy 15 and Jesse 12 and the only thing that matters to me is they are happy and feel loved.

I can tell you from experience, parents on anti-depressants will by default emotionally neglect their children and be unable to meet their emotional needs

The hardest thing to try and explain to anyone is how you have PTSD and C-PTSD when there's nothing you can point to, no physical scars, no huge events you can point to. It's very hard to explain the ABSENCE of something when you were fed and clothed, but barely, and sometimes didnt eat, and there was no heat. There was fighting in the house that drove me crazy. I hated seeing people i loved trying to hurt each other. My brother and sister, my mom and dad. They cldnt have what they wanted so they had to put the blame on someone! Somehow I figured out how to survive by managing to stay small and unnoticeable, and hidingmy accomplishments. As such, I was thought to be able to raise myself, but I felt so deeply unloved and like i just didnt matter. When i got to 12-step pgms i heard horrific stories of things parents did to their kids, now in pgm, and I often thought how can i feel like i definitely belong here, but I have nothing like THAT to say. No one ever cared ENOUGH about me to hit me to correct my behavior. I was invisible, or had, successfully, made myself invisible. And I had put a fairly early stop to my sister's hitting me after she punched me in the stomach one day like i was a literal punching bag. I stood in front of her with tears in my eyes, and dared her to hit me again. She did, and I met her with a series of fast-moving fists, wherever I cld land them, while telling her loudly, "You are never going to hit me again!" And she didn't. I realized I had been letting her hit me bc I understood on some level why she was angry, but I had had enough. I never heard about that incident from any parent so she must have known how it would go, and kept quiet about the whole thing. From then on, I simply lived with her, presumably, hating me silently. But it was just another loss to learn how to live with. I felt isolated in my own home. We shared a bedroom, and I tried as hard as i could to not upset her, or do anything to give her justification to dislike me. It didn't matter. The parts were cast. She just simply hated me or resented me for simply being alive. Then somehow our mother ended up also resenting me bc my father lit up when he saw me which devastated my insecure mother. Now i cldnt even enjoy the love of my visiting parent. I became her warrior against my dad, on ALL of our behalves. And so the dynamic went. All in the name of survival. It's SO damaging on one's psyche for being despised just for breathing and taking up space. I didn't DARE say i was hungry or sad or lonely. Dont rock a precarious, already-sinking boat! My mother cldnt handle hearing ANYthing unpleasant. So it's very good, in one way, to hear you say what I've always suspected, is that neglect can cause brain damage. Now at 63, divorced after 9 years, and then a single mother of one child who is now 24, survivor of multiple harrowing surgeries, and a recent broken hand that has turned into a neurological pain syndrome, on disability struggling to figure out how to FINALLY start my life, I'm STUCK! I've hit a wall. I'm trying to figure all of this out so I can decide FINALLY what I want to be now that I'm "all grown up." Sadly, it seems I'M now thwarting my own progress, somehow, without intention, but it must be deep-seated belief that I'm not not worthy of being happy or taking care of myself. It's a very sad. Apparently, I'm still paying the price of being born into my family. Our mother cldnt cope with her life choices - her choice in a husband who was on a path to make a name for himself, who loved the attention of fancy, edgy women, triggered my mother's sense of inadequacy as she was a wholesome, demure type - until she wasn't. (She had a vicious way about her if you upset her.) She had enough of my dad, suffered greatly in his absence, went to work which became her saving grace, and then cldnt keep up with the changes in her children as they emerged. She felt justified in HAVING to work with 3 small children to care for, the church had black-balled her, so she felt abandoned and rejected by her God! I'm sure it had to remind her of her father's early death which she never talked about, except to say she adored her dad, but he had wanted a boy - which boy died in utero and who wld have been her TWIN brother! She thought her big head must have left no room for her growing brother, and so SHE was the reason for her father's grief and drinking and death of liver problems! The math we kids do! It's sad. Imagine sharing space in the womb with a dead fetus, whose heart was at one point beating, until her mother was full term! How might that have impacted my mother?! We'll never know. Suffice it to say she had many reasons to be off kilter. Her beauty and intelligence and quick wit carried her through life until it all came crashing down and revealed the truth of things. The mask was off and it wasn't pretty. All she ever wanted to be was a wife and mother, and in her mind she had failed. So she dug into her work. And then we were twice abandoned. When later asking my dad why he didn't come around more he fell back in his own rationalization that he had to work 4 jobs in order to pay child support. I think even he heard the lie in that story he'd been telling himself. His life had crashed as well, and so he kept himself very busy to not have to think about it. One time, he finally eeked out a truth with tears in his eyes, that the hardest thing about leaving was leaving me behind. I wld have been touched, but it didn't land on me in any soft way. He was the adult. He was supposed to take the hit and not us kids. He worked hard so yes he cld pay child support, but ALSO bc he liked expensive toys, and clothes and grand vacations, and impressing flashy women. So your story about this little boy resonates with me, and makes me ask if i might have sociopathic traits. But regardless of any labels, what I heard you say was nurturing can help. So THANK YOU, bc as I contemplate my next move regarding gainful employment or a "grown up" career move, I now know the next move I need to make is NURTURING myself, and grieving the loss of the effervescent child in me that was never allowed to freely blossom without bringing hatred upon myself or causing someone else great pain. You're really turning your pain into a blessing for others. I hope to do the same. I just don't know how to change my sabotaging subconscience, but I know I won't stop until I figure it out. :)

Finally someone addressing what's clinically known as childhood emotional neglect keep up the good work. How you think they should be cured neurobiology, cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioural therapy, skinnerian psychology etc how

I was a jealous girl who'd hurt and harm my baby brother. But when I was 12 I remember crying about what I used to do and we rekindled in our 20s.

Daniel I like how specific you are with time spent with the kids and analyzing the structure. It made me realize I spent way less than an hour a week with parents growing up. I was actually never spoken to for more than a few minutes at a time. For a period after me quitting sports because I felt something was missing.... I was punished and neglected even more, and not spoken to for 5 years. I was right after all. I have problems keeping track of time after huge gaps of neglect. I think I just disassociate into a world of thoughts and my inventions I work on. The only benefit of it is I can spend months or years working on my projects and inventions in solitude. But it feels like it was caused by neglect.

You've reminded me that my parents abused and neglected me. I often forget or minimise it

Thankyou Daniel, been quietly watching your stuff for a while its helped the "me and not me" of my experiences become delineated starkly and finally direct my ire at those who deserve it. the perpetrators of the problems rather than myself. and maintaining the self worth to make action worthwhile. A childhood shouldn't take a life time to recover from.

so many people want children, but don’t actually want to raise a child; i’m also familiar with people (such as exes who have treated me poorly) who, when they detail their childhood, the lightbulb in my head switches on, and i’m like: yeah, you were neglected and abused, and you’re trying to fight to save yourself but hurting the wrong people in the process. sigh, parents need to do better. but how?

You are so fucking right.. spend time with your kids PERIOD. It doesn't have to be expensive nor educational. Flying a kite, go hiking, go for a walk, go to a movie, just spend time with them and look them in the eye when you talk. Let them have opinions and feelings, emotions, and let them get angry, let them yell, let them slam doors, let them express emoting and let them learn about themselves as early as possible. My son is thriving and I often remind him to check in on himself and also drill the fact that he has his own self. When he starts thinking out of reality or negatively, I mention it in a loving and compassionate manner. I am only able to do this because of my awakened conscious after my childhood abuse. So I am 60 and he is 12. I was not this mentally stable in my 20s when you supposed to have children and feel blessed that I am able to be sane for his upbringing. Also want to add that I am financially stable too so this helps out in a positive way too. You can only guide your children in the right direction but ultimately they drive ship.

Neglect is definitely relative ! I come from a family that never did things as a family and I mean never. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I was outside the house with my dad: one dental visit; one school to college interview; one visit to my mother in hospital after one younger brother was born, and one walk with a visiting cousin of my father. There were no family holidays except once with my mother and two of my siblings to visit my grandmother abroad, who had had a series of strokes. She for obvious reasons, one being she hadn’t been home for 25 years, was completely stressed out so it wasn’t a fun time. Both my parents, I would say, suffered from depression. In my father’s case probable quite severe. He was never physically abusive to my mother, but was to my older brother and myself. And we’re not talking slight slaps. His anger was terrifying. He would seclude himself in his bedroom for hours and certainly never wanted any of us to talk. We would sit in silence if the television was on. There was never the slightest interest in our education; activities, or whether or not we had social life. We weren’t allowed friends to visit. I remember stressing out, to the point of shaking, if a school friend knocked on the door. I am probably the reverse of a sociopath, but I have never had a relationship/ partnership and never ‘found my place in the world’. I am able to stand back and say , ‘ Yes my life has been totally without purpose, fulfilment, companionship or love.’ But I think I am without self pity etc. That doesn’t really help though.

Those parents sound like they didn't actually have very much self-awareness, or practical wisdom. Business is the enemy of contemplation and self knowledge. It's necessary to moderate your professional life, especially if you have a family. That's an extremely basic, ancient piece of ethical philosophical wisdom. It astounds me that someone who could be considered "smart" would fail to appreciate the scope of their obligations to their children. If you have 1hr a week to spend with your 3 kids, expect them to become weird little vicious psycho gremlin children, that's the natural state of a parentless child.

Poor little boy became the family scapegoat. First he became the scapegoat for her sisters pain. Then he was made responsible for for the entire dysfunction of the family when in reality the parents were responsible for neglecting the sister which made the girl turn against the innocent baby. I wished there would be more content on sibling abuse

6:00 this pattern of misattributing abuse is something i've seen over and over and over and over again. The sister should rightly be furious at the parents, but being that they are her caregivers, she can not, and as such she redirects her anger at the system she is in towards her brother

It always made me feel inadequate when I see other parents who are able to give their kids extra-curricular classes. Now I just see it as a manifestation of their insecurities and making their kids perform for them. It’s a very hectic, stressful life and they’re just kids.

Coming to terms with seeing my parents as neglectful was extremely hard for me. I'm 21 and I'm starting to see them as people and not look up to them the way you do as a kid. I like to think they are "good people" but the huge thing that holds them back is how lazy and neglectful they are. My parents are extremely lazy and always have been, so lazy that I always felt like a burden or a tedious chore to be dealt with when I was a child. I was also born with a birth defect and needed special care in the early parts of my life which caused me to almost die multiple times from it due to just not being attended to like I should have. I always felt like it was my responsibility when in reality I was just a kid. Growing up I realized how it was completely on my parents and that they could see how sick I was, because when I look at my pictures as I kid I can see how unhealthy I was. That was the worst part of the neglect. More neglect was from our living conditions. The place was always extremely dirty and had bugs because both of my parents are hoarders and don't clean. The rest of the neglect was what was described in this video. This video really hit close to home and actually got some tears out of me because I went through the same thing as the boy he talked about

the fact that one hour a week spending time with kids sounded much to me just hit me like a brick. i have no memories of spending time with my parents at all? except for some travels now and then. wow this was really eye opening

We need to expand the child abuse laws to include things like psychological abuse, verbal abuse, and neglect. It's time we start holding bad parents accountable for their crimes against their children. I think some accountability will change their parenting style.

I think emotional neglect is also abuse just as physical abuse. But one can not see this and heal their trauma unless they become self aware. I still have behaviours where I'm seeking attention and if I don't get the attention I'm looking for I feel really down. I'm aware of what is going on but I don't know how to overcome these feelings.

The sister immediately before me spent all her time trying to send me out with a metal umbrella to the metal sewer plate in the middle of the culdesac during a lightning storm- you name it, she lured me to a deep part of the river and then would bolt out knowing I could not swim. My dad did protect me until my mom divorced him and then my mom joined in with her and had to play the victim in order to catch another husband, and when I wouldn’t play her game she tried to blame me for things I never did and put me in foster care during my senior year.

Ok that's it, i love this guy!!!!! This is how we want therapists to be

I’m in therapy I was told I have high aspd traits. I definitely blame the way I was raised. My father was gone a lot through out my childhood for work. My mom was also busy. I was given to different babysitters..some I remember some not so much. Ik my sister remembers one babysitter shoving food in her mouth even though my sister kept throwing up and the babysitter yelled at her to shut up and eat it whenever she would cry. I remember always being a violent child fighting ppl,easily lying about things..killing or hurting animals. As a teenager I started getting verbally and emotionally abused by my father constantly always putting me down screaming at me in my face backing me into corners puting his hand over my mouth throwing things at me etc. my mother always stuck up for him because she was terrified of him so when he would yell at me she would often if not always join in. I remember she kicked me onto the floor when I told her she should leave my father. My sister never stood up for me either out of fear of confrontation. I was completely alone. In school I was bullied and out of school I was being cyber bullied by the ppl at school or friends of them. Every day was absolute hell. I’m 23 now and have trouble regulating my emotions..when I’m upset I bang on things repeatedly till I bruise or throw and break things. I’d often stab my walls with knives or tools. I strangle objects with belts also. My therapist prefers that over me hurting myself like I used to. When I was 19 I used to take a belt and repeatedly hit my back with it till I bruised and bled..I was so proud of it I would show my family. Obviously they didn’t care much about it.

Daniel...bro....I love you man. You remind me a lot of myself. I can tell you are a totally genuine person based upon how you talk about things. Every time I stumble upon one of your vids I feel calmer afterwards and more informed. Thank you ever so much for taking the time to make these vids. Hope you're well.

I grew up in a "family" like this one. Those parents likely would have preferred causing brain damage thru psychiatric pharma toxins (euphemistically called 'meds') and their muting effects, because they sound like my parents, who cared about "results" (violence unprohibited). Brain damage wouldn't even be a thing they'd think about, as they went on with their priotities, while their "problem" was quieted. A long time ago, when it was more socially acceptable, alcohol was used to induce sleep in children considered troublesome. Then came Big Pharma, and the doctors who made drugging innocent children seem safe. There is a lot of dysfunction everywhere. It's pervasive, and accepted by those who benefit from it. Psychiatry is for people who don't like other people. If you don't like someone, and want to make them feel it, create a label for it, and drug it, but don't drug it with the "wrong" kind if drugs. Make sure you get them from your trusted doctor. Dysfunction, and the lies which serve dysfunction are EVERYWHERE.

Dude, the parents needed therapy. Telling them to "spend more time" was like telling the daughter to stop pinching her brother.

I couldn't believe how impossible it was for me to get help for my sons when their sociopathic father (diagnosed ASPD.NPD), who weaponized my narcissistic family when I was in the midst of a health crisis. Then you add drugs and it is that much more hopeless. I almost died at 33 from a rare heart problem, but I chose to live for my kids and then 15 years after my NDE my eldest son died from an accidental overdose after my primary focus in life was getting him and his brother to adulthood in one piece. Kids are resilient to a point, but years surrounded by loveless people , and after years of treatment he never was able to address his trauma. It is pathetic what going on with addiction treatment and also mental health care.All that said, my ex husband's diagnosis was spot on. Kids and I were all diagnosed with CPTSD and various times.

This story reminds me of my nephews, same bs diagnosis and over medication. It makes me so angry and there's nothing to do.

I’ve had trauma also and am acting out so I understand somewhat of what he’s going through. It’s really sad and I’ve always said that those that are in Prison aren’t all bad people but some people do experience trauma different some get over it and others it takes years.

Daniel, you are like a prophet. Almost nobody is talking about this. The importance of Those first 5 years of life cannot be underestimated. They are everything. But our culture refuses to acknowledge it. Parents remain sacrosanct. I hope one day this changes.

TOP TIER SCAPEGOATING. That poor baby. No one deserves this. People need parenting classes and aspiring parents need to acknowledge their own neglected childhood needs and meet those needs. No one has the right to push their trauma onto their child and pretend the child is at fault. Psychiatrists should not encourage this, thats insanity.

this has to be one of your best videos dude! hey also ive just watched like 8 of your videos in the last couple days!

How terribly tragic, and especially sad for the children in this case study. My mother, who received little education (but had common sense), used to say that people want it all: they want careers, money, family. My mom was a strong supporter of a parent staying home to care for their children, even though it was not a popular thing when she said it. Sadly, I don't believe it's popular in this day and age either.

Its super huge issue. I worked full time away from the home. Single parent. I was sble to sell my inhertance (farmland) and then was able to stay home and be an at home parent for 6 years which i feel really helped my children.

Daniel, another insightful video... 👍👍👍 I wish that in the future the world will become a healthier place .. I believe your videos are definitely helping create such a world

I really enjoy watching your videos. You have to be one of the most introspective and reflective person I’ve ever met. You seem to have a lot of interesting stories and I hope they are true because a lot of what you depict actually can and does happen.

He needs to be able to trust someone the same thing happened to my cousin minus anyone pinching him but his parents put there career first and neglected them. Very fake people it’s sad and now he’s an addict who’s delusional from all the drugs he takes. It sucks. Whomever this guy is though if he sees this I hope he feels better I know that anger and frustration of wanting to just punch someone I get that. 😢

Daniel, your videos are always compelling viewing. Fergus

He had "very common narcissist parents".

They can't heal cause early severe trauma has probably left deep changes in their brains physiology. There are structures in the brain that "wire" in a certain way during childhood and adolescence and not in adulthood..

I love you Daniel, thank you so much, they very probably ignored the Spirit as this happened. Even part of that was you warning them and they ignored you.

The series Sopranos shows it pretty good. You got the ruthless mob boss tony soprano that grew up in a mobbed up enviroment with a abusive mother and father, though his mother was in many regards more extreme. Later in life he basicly took up her behaviour towards himself and other people. Sociopaths are not born but made. I would say that i got some "sociopathic" traits but i see it more as a self defence tools.

Thank-you so much for the example.

Lack of coping skills. Poor people HAVE to work a lot, but they train their children to bond because they can't afford outside help and family survival depends on this. The first lesson they teach when school time comes is that your main responsibility is to protect and defend your siblings. They also have relatives nearby for support. They also don't supply them with fake overdone affection and praise because overt gestures are usually false. Real love and affection isn't spoken. It's more of a secret code. What writers portraying family life in movies always get wrong.

This sounds like a high school ex boyfriend of mine!At the time we briefly dated he still had that grain of goodness and potential in him(was not too far on the spectrum of ASPD)but spiralled,due to his psychopathic family.Dissapeared,got into drugs and trade,started a pattern of going in and out of jail,did crimes,etc.I feel like his mother is responsible for this.He wasn't born that way,created.His abusive mother destroyed him.

I am very sad to say... I am not sure if the "mental health" system has done me more harm than good. Definitely hasnt been an all good experience. Being in a psych ward was traumatizing. All meds do is give me headaches. For every one good therapist I have seen 3 others have hurt me, or didnt help me at all.

Learning so much from you Daniel. Thank you!

trying to get an antisocial to really understand and reflect on their false sense of justice that ends up with them taking revenge or lashing out at innocent people is incredibly difficult, they often don't care to look at their behavior and distorted view of the world.

Thank u. Most ppl hates us but they dont know what we've been through. I've never been to prison, I studied & managed my life in a good way but still I'm a diagnosed sociopath.

This could have been about me. You really nail all of these videos. It's pretty impressive

Currently supporting my uncle who _has_ been going through unhappy marriage though the latest “fake divorce” involves his wife who launched a smear campaign targeting the children age 6-17 to turn their backs against my uncle whom she accused of having an alleged affair. This video came to me at the right time because when I said support, I meant giving honest opinions about the wellbeing of my cousins based off my own psychological/psychiatric experience at work (bullied, depression led to the demise of my career, finance and self esteem) that I’ve come to an acceptance I was emotionally neglected during childhood. My parents failed me but seeing my uncle’s wife filmed like a TIKTOK VIDEO of her child crying while she was fake consoling the boy FUMED ME.

Man described so much of my childhood right there 💀

Yout work is so important....the insights and experiences you share are golddust.

Thank you for the videos you post. So encouraging. Neglect is not really talked about, but its very pervasive.

Daniel, you absolutely hit the nail on the head with this video. I could go on and on about why this is such an excellent analysis of "sociopathy" but for now I will just share that I did an in depth analysis somewhat similar to this situation, about a little girl named Jani Schofield . The father wrote a memoir about his daughter who was/is famous for being diagnosed with schizophrenia at 5 years old! All I can say is that I felt baffled as to how nobody not even the "experts" could see from where the profound disturbance was really coming and had to write my concerns about all of these people being in unconscious cahoots to scapegoat that little girl (Jani is now about 18 years old I believe)!

So spot on. I am amazed how I get nowhere telling relatives the truth of my experience with my mother (despite the fact that they live in proximity to her, have had continual contact with her almost all or most of their lives). They keeping rebutting me. It becomes painful when you've endured an abusive parent and when you tell family about it they try to show you the upside of your parent or behave as if they heard nothing you said. That is a special kind of injury.

thank you for sharing!

This is a wonderful observation!

I think more stories like this should be told. Thank you

Thank you for your videos! It's basically, don't do to others what's has been done to you. That's why it's been called the golden rule, look what happened to us...

Same family layout (3 kids, little brother and 2 sisters) with the eldest who hated and still hates the younger for diverting attentions and love from busy/authoritative parents. Difference is we were ‘dumped’ to fantastic grandparents and I loved and protected my little brother. Love and time spent together is the only cure but where the gaps where it’s visible now. 3 range prone, justice focused and unsatisfied ppl and parents who still defend all they did. I decided to forgive them. I don’t have kids and if I will I’ll go to therapy and make sure I don’t cause them harm, I know what being neglected and pushed around and considered someone who will eventually bounce back means. It’s ok in adult life but you need to assist and guide children with that. Thanks for this video.

Autism is caused by neglect too...the child shuts down to avoid the intense feeling of pain. And so many parents believe it is just 'bad luck'.

Any bad and toxic behaviour is not necessarily is a symptom of trauma

I relate so entirely, a huge chip was put onto my shoulder by the family of origin and then l was castigated for it by them. And yes my sensitivity to any slight injustice has rendered me pretty dysfunctional, and although l try to grieve the unfairness it usually boils down to self pity which l can’t seem to break the stranglehold of. Help anyone ? I dread living out my days in this purgatory of seeing my overreactive behaviours yet unable to alter them and thus continue to self isolate for the good of the world so it doesn’t have to be affected by my being me

Being born is a huge lottery ,,its a never ending misery for alot of us ,,the aragance of the psychiatry industry will and is destroying humans ability to heal..

Your videos are brilliant. I am not of your profession but I have come to many of the same conclusions as you have, especially when it comes to matters pertaining to children. The behavior of adults is sorely lacking.