The one word I can’t get out of my head is “corners.” Corners?! Corners!! What the hell do you mean corners?!! Why do these implants have corners?!!! Why aren’t they round/cylindrical?!!😳

I'm so happy they released this segment, the KZfaq masses deserve to be as horrofied as the Patreon elite.

'This dude reminds me of Doctor Frankenstein, creator of Frankenstein's normal guy.' Quite possibly the weirdest, and funniest, thing ever said.

When life gives you lemons, don't surgically insert them into your shaft.

Easily one of the most horrific things I've ever heard. The audio version of a car crash you can't look away from

Rip to the fbi anget who had his penis shot by the cuban shrink ray

Chris wade there was absolutely no reason to upload this. I will be emailing your wife.

I'm with Matt groaning in horror every three seconds and had to stop. lol

Sometimes I remember "Make 'em say uuuggh, my penis gone" and start cackling to myself in public, making people look at me like I'm Arthur Fleck.

I'd vote for Felix with a universal dick rights platform! He's really looking out for the "little guy"!

They needed to get Stav for this episode

Frankenstein's Normal Guy

This segment probably contributed significantly to Matt Christman's stroke.

The phrase "an evil root" gave me Rod Dreher whiplash.

The number of times I gasped out loud…good god

I listened to this episode on a fine bicycle ride last weekend, on one of the few smokeless days we enjoyed. i said aloud thing like "ohhhh noooo" and "ahhhhhh!" and other things of that nature

2:54 echoes of Rod Dreher’s dreaded “primitive root wiener”?? Brother Rod is gone but never truly forgotten.

"I'd worry less about the surgery, and more that you'd angered a witch." 😂😂😂

Going from Eric Adams shenanigans to *this* in the span of one episode hit me like a truck

If you haven't listened to this yet, STOP. Don't do it. Heed my advice and turn away. It's too late for me, but you can be spared, stranger.

Ive never been this grateful for my nearly 5 incher

Needed Stavros on this episode

fellas, don't you hate going to the dick mechanic? you just know they're intentionally fucking up your tubes and levers down there so you have to come back in 6 months, and it's all because you didn't spring for the Truecoat™️ sealant the first time around

leg lengthening and this are BBLs for men. but hey, rush hour is a good consolation

This is how RFK got his voice

As soon as they started describing the "silver haired urologist" inventing "penuma" my brain conjured the titanic submarine billionaire

It takes a true horror of man to make one feel sympathy for a defense contractor

That billionaire went out worse than Stan Chera. Add this one to the recent wacky ways billionaires will Darwin themselves with instead of being able to enjoy their very comfortable lives.

Can’t recommend making breakfast while listening to this

The way Felix loses it when Will does that Master P parody

Really over cis people calling me mutilated for having top surgery and then doing stuff like this

This is some GTA infomercial bullshit right here

This is horrifying, but 19:00 might be Will's finest moment ever. I strongly suspect he subjected the guys to this reading just for that joke. (and he was right to)

Seems like perfectly reasonable thing to listen to it 7 in the morning

this episode sponsored by manscaped

Body dysmorphia is just odd because you could have nothing but good experiences with partners & still dislike yourself, don’t think I’d ever consider surgery for any of it though

This is what broke up Crowders marriage, right?

this made me double over in pain

I have a true kok horror story. I am a ex con. Many moons ago I spent a considerable time in the New York State Prison System. I was at Attica State Prison when my classification dropped from Maximum Security to Medium Security. They shipped me next door to a medium security prison called Wyoming Correctional Facility. So I went from living in a cell to living in sixty man dormitories. Anyway every day they would randomly call a different group of guys down to the administration building for urinalysis drug testing. Guys would panic if they were dirty. I seen all kinds of different ways people would try to beat that fkin test. Anyway one day they called a friend of mine and he was dirty. He got the bright idea to take powdered bleach cleaning stuff and he was shoving it up the hole of his dik thinking that the bleach would burn out whatever was in there. Not only did it not work but his dik got infected. It blew up the size of two grapefruits. He almost lost it. Thank God the antibiotics worked and the swelling went down.

This is the most horrifying accounts I have heard in my life. So sorry for all those folks :(

Love the sounds of horror the guys are making 😂

This hurt my entire body

Felix must’ve saw one of many Peter North films and felt ashamed.

22:20 6.5 inches isn't in the middle of the bell curve, though. It's around 2 standard deviations above average.

the razorblades comment made my body physically wretch and it only got worse from there

“I gave up comparing genitals back in the schoolyard.“-Max Schumacher

I became the high pitched singing cowboy meme

Also, 16:16 is why I will hear no conversation about 'Felix is soooo unfunny'. 🔫🎆🤣

Wait did I hear that bit towards the beginning right, that it primarily increases the *flaccid* length of your dick? What...what does that even accomplish?

Maybe this one should've remained safely behind a paywall

As an expert in the field, I would not recommend this surgery

Oh holy shit, I don’t usually get that grossed out by medical stuff but the descriptions in this made me light headed.

They needed to bring Stavros in for this episode lol

This reminds me of a true horror story where a doctor in a American prison was doing medical experiments on the prisoners like replacing their tests with ones from bulls and the prisoners members were all rotting and falling off.

Episode 747 (the "Jumbo" episode). The irony is delicious

At the end of the day it’s about loving yourself and respecting your body the way it is. Anathema to capitalism which says there is always something you can do.

Comparison is the thief of joy

'cursed by god with being Irish' hold up pal, Cumtown taught me Liam Neeson and Colin Farrel are hung

how much would it cost to get a 3rd ball? not out of insecurity but bc it would be a cool party trick and probs get me free drinks at the bar

This segment triggered me hard. I had to stop listening to it at work and sit down for while to not pass out. I guess I have a surgery phobia or something.

I don't think I have ever heard Felix laugh this hard

Never have I ever got a penis enlargement surgery

i read this article when it was posted and good god, it made me physically ill! listening to it on chapo, though... well, it was a little easier, lol.

I read the article and it got even more horrifying. The reason "Mick" lost sensation in his glans was because Elist used mesh to attach the implant to areas which have many nerve endings.

Goddamn dude I wasn't ready for the body horror. I'm on a bus, yo, not cool

Shaytân-e-Bozorg said Khomeini four decades ago about America. No one has ever proved him wrong.

For what it's worth, the only successful penis surgery I'm aware of was on Ripley's Believe It Or Not. Dude lost his penis to cancer, got it replaced with one of his middle fingers. Which I guess is a replacement, not an enhancement.

good slop, thanks

my tummy hurt

“It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion in the ocean.”

Gorillas are hung like fruit bats 🦇

What no woman has ever said: « my, that’s a fine looking scrotum »

I'm ready for a Teeth-esque body horror live action reenactment of this episode.

this is hypothetically legal in florida, but bottom surgery for trans people is illegal tho. amazing

God why did I watch it right before lunch 😩

God never before have I been so grateful for my 5.2 inches

Not the rockinest of dude moments

6:28 as a guy with big balls, there are women that actually like them.

I'm saving this episode for Halloween

Instant Chapo classic!

#godsplan

I was planning on rubbing out after I left work today. “I’ll listen to some chapo on the way home tonight! Just started listening to them I like it so far” I thought, naively, “taking in politics from a humorous voice can sometimes cheer me up”. I can’t even get a chub goin after listening to this. Just kickin it with my tiny flaccid penis in my hand, feelin really mixed feelings about my night now :l

This was a great way to make sure I don't listen to the whole episode

this segment made me wish I never had a penis/testicles

holy FUCK it was VERY hard to listen to this 😢😢😢 (no pun intended)

Hogmentation

I wonder if men realize that this too classifies as gender affirming care

Don't If Terrance Howard can make it so can you

17:15 the last half of words of advice by material is about that pastor

As a plastic surgeon specializing in penis reduction i just

im a mick and my hog is stacked, god must have missed me

Will doing a silent "H" in Haribro is very on brand.

Is there such a thing as anorexia, but for penis size?

God matt's reactions where identical to mine

6:19 They sold him on the anti-rust coating! 😂

I’m a trans woman, and I thought my neuroses about my dick was bad…

Getting ripped and getting a promotion are both more effective and more achievable goals for attracting a lady. So what if the surgery works? You still gotta get them to want to see it, and interact with it in order for them to be impressed by it.

This sounds like a particulary gruesome fable about content and humility 😱

Alright, I just got my Big Bite from 711 and ready for lunch, let's see what this episode has to say. Hope it's good. I got two Big Bites today, gonna be double fisting them.

Uuum came here for the pics..??