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When I watch these videos I can't help but feel you were there watching us growing up

I believe the caretaker child often becomes something of the hero child as well

I'd thought of the mascot as being the family clown, makes sense when you think of them as the blindly loyal supporter

This is my husband. Me & my daughter recently realized he was raised as a "pet" and given no skills to deal with life. All he did was please his parents. It absolutely broke my heart when I discovered this & that anyone could do such a thing to a child. He threw himself into work to hide it. His parents are workaholics too.

This is exactly my wife’s family. Thanks, man. You’re doing the Lord’s work.

That was my youngest sister, she is still the same today

Can you be the scapegoat and the caretaker, both? As the oldest sibling I was definitely the caretaker of our narcissistic father. Mostly as he aged, and as he alienated my other siblings, neighbors, etc. I felt sorry for him. Right or wrong, I tried to understand him. In the end my help to my dad was criticized by the siblings who ignored him. They made up lies about why I helped. Making me the “bad person.” The truth is that my husband and I helped him because no one else did. My father was an elderly, angry, disappointed man. I believe we gave him grace in those last years of his life. He died at age 91 years. Right or wrong, I’m glad we did whatever we could for him...even as a narcissist.

I cannot identify with holding my dad in high esteem and sympathizing with him. I do remember despising my mother for being “weak” when she could have left and saved us kids all that abuse. I still love and hate my dad but can see him as wounded now instead of as a predator.

Exactly 💯TRUE. My Ex-boyfriend is exactly that and I had to leave him because of all the things he is as is said in this video. Finally, I found a video - this video, describing what I suffered from him.

This thing has been one sided. I took care of everyone & had no safety net.. My whole life is being turned on its head. It's needed though. I've got to heal. I was conditioned & have been in abusive relationships. My brother fought me until 15 years old. My uncle asked what was wrong. I told him. He confronted my brother & he never tried to fight me again. The damage was done. So I'll digest & crawl from under my rock. Thanks for the lovely videos.

Well I was the caregiver, the shitkicker, and the scapegoat in my family, coz my father told me the only reason they had me was so I could look after my mother in her old age, and he got his wish. I broke away time and time again, trying to have my own life only to be dragged back to look after my parents, through guilt trips and pressure. I didn't end up having any life and was a servant to the day they died., when that day came, I cut ties with my 2 brothers who were Narrsisists. It's been 14 yrs, and the oldest is now passed as well, not before making my life a living hell. I've been examined for psychological issues, and have PTSD, depression and anxiety, but was told I'm not a narrsisist. So us caregivers are not always closet narcs, and as for defending my parents, I could not stand even being in the same room as them, let alone praise them. I now have one brother who's a narc, ( the golden child) and lives a long way away, thankgod. We havn't spoken for 14 yrs, untill recently, when he contacted me for something he needed of course. To him I'm just in the way., and there to serve one purpose, that's it. He's an alcholic drug addict, who's also a hypochondriac, and tells the biggest whoppers I've ever heard. One big thing I'm greatful for tho, I had a roof over my head, and 3 meals a day, never again will I ever be a punching bag or servant to anyone. 7 yrs of counselling taught me that. My heart goes out to all those ppl who've suffered through lifetimes of torment, agony and abuse, at the hands of sick and twisted family's. I hear ya, and wish nothing but peace, love and harmony for everyone. Hang in there, and don't give up💖

Thank you for providing such quality content.

Thank you Darren, I've been bingeing your videos. I have listened to SO many people talking about Narcissists /families, read books etc etc. Been to so many psychologists, a couple who were actually damaging. One told me I was no longer a child, and to grow up and get over it. 😤I realised my mother was a true Narcissists in early 2000's and there wasn't much info then. I am 63 and no longer have contact with my family, and out of 2 sons, one was damaged/brainwashed due to my mother and we no longer have a relationship. So much of what you talk about /your description has been without doubt the best I can remember.....for me, you have been hitting my nail on the head. I live in Australia and have a wonderful psychologist who specialises in childhood trauma, strange at 63 years old, but my life was shaped then, and from there I chose the wrong people to partner/marry. I now am living like a recluse and am agoraphobic. Please keep your wonderful videos going. Thanks again.

When your childhood was a mess and confronting the damage makes you uncomfortable.

Listening to this was quite eerie, since it felt like you were accurately describing what my relationship with my immediate family used to be like! I am on the road to cutting my parent's control over me and living my own life though. For anyone else in this situation: don't be afraid to ask others for help, for I know that I would never have started on this road to recovery if it wasn't for other people trying to get me out of the bad place I was in, both physically and mentally. Good luck!

I don't know which child I am. My father was a malignant narcissist. From a very young age I realized my purpose for being born was to cater to my parent's needs. As I grew older I became aware of the toxicity of the family. My mother was abused by my father. If I didn't cater to his needs my father would abuse my mother. He would rarely abuse me directly. That's how he controlled me. He had his own hostage all the while pretending to care for me. All the misery I felt as a child, he put the blame on her. I never left the family, I was always too afraid to leave my mother to his mercy. I never considered her particularly intelligent, but now that she passed I realized she had early onset of dementia. I was born when my parents were 41. By the time I became an adult, I couldn't leave my mother to his abusive will. She was afraid of him but he was a good provider and due to her own childhood trauma (being left alone to the streets when she was 5) she would not and could never leave the security he provided. They both passed away this year in the same week. My older sister is a narcissist like my father. I cut off contact with her, I don't want her in my life. How do I heal from this? Should I have left the family dynamic at 20 something? Have I ruined my own life? I am now jobless and extremely fatigued by life. My workplace was extremely toxic and I endured it for 17 years until finally quitting which coincidentaly happened two months before my parents' passing. What a final blow to show how unimportant I am! I can't even feed myself through my mother's penison! How do I carry on? Please someone help me. Please God.

Damn . 3 mins in and I’m already tearing up

You are the first person I've seen on youtube who has gone into this uber-whackodynamic aspect of the fambully: Actually taking on the persona of the narc parent, even after the narc is dead. Bravo for your insightful commentaries.

Wow! You are spot on!

Super fantastic 👍👌❤️❤️❤️thank you

When that caretaker grows: they seek cult like partners; and resentment turns into control over other siblings because they're “owed”. And sit at the top of the hierarchy in the family. Yes, they openly attack the scapegoat. They're the greatest threat- who feels and certainly sees thru them. While the highly-controlled, OCD-lite, adult caretaker child is numb. The other siblings will never betray the caretaker as adults, in the next gen. cult. They control them through triangulation, slander, gossip, and revisionist history in which they are now the protagonist and the other (usually the scapegoat) the antagonist. This then becomes a shared psychotic event to keep the cult together. The caretaker-turned-altruist narc is usually enmeshed with an even stronger partner, another narcissist (blindly loyal supporter of). This partner, is the true controller over the next generation cult family dynamic.

My bro never left mommy’s leg. He defends her by definition. He worships her, and she can do no wrong, no matter what. She’s holy, and I’m black without question or consideration. He is selfless in the most literal meaning. He is her mascot, derives his own ‘identity’ out of defending her at all cost, to his own detriment, and, unfortunately my detriment too. He shot himself in the foot, and took me down with him. The damage he has caused, both to my dad, himself and me, he most likely will not ever own nor comprehend.

I was 100% the caretaker, and still am. But once I realized at some point that what I was witnessing was absolute insanity, I started challenging what was happening. It did not go over well. Thankfully (/s) I also have been the most sUcCeSsFul child (one that can be bragged about), so now… hah… what a trip…what a mindf*ck

It may be too much to say that I know someone like this and I know their family dynamic, from which this came, I think I might. The thing about this individual though is that, they might be showing more recognizable narcissistic traits, the longer I know them and, as a result, that might not be too much longer, because I am recognizing the rather slow, but sure clamping down around me, in prep for destruction, that I saw with my narcissistic mother. It’s both interesting and terrible to watch, because they suffer from being the likely scapegoated child and, on some level, recognize this. But, it does not cause them to be conscientious about their own motives and behavior. It also points to what I’ve learned about what is perceived as these weaker profiles under the narcissist, which are the codependent, the scapegoat, the flying monkey and the enabler. That often times, these people are more righteous, than weak. Because, while they may “appear” to be resigning, kind, deferential, and well meaning, even when they can see or advised right from wrong, they will vehemently guard champion what is wrong. It’s as if they’re playing the underside of a vinyl record.

I have a brother I call my mothers goon.

This description fits my husband. I wonder whether I should plan my exit. I doubt he is a narc, though.

My half-sister is the codependent / mascot role and is secret scapegoat of my mother (who is stepmother to my half-siblings). On that side of the family I’m the scapegoat because for a very long time until recently, I was the golden child until I exposed my mother’s greed then later turned black sheep when I chose not to enable my mother and her side of the family of stealing millions from my father’s estate. You’re right, my half-sister would accept bullshit as easily as she breathes air.

Woe is the only child!

That's for sure our babysister

Spot on

The devout follower, the fanatic?

How do you heal from this?