They won’t change because it’s never their fault!! They don’t think they’ve done anything wrong.

The KZfaqrs who give money to homeless people or pay peoples' rents while recording and posting it are so gross. Such an exploitative act.

That special dinner story really hit home. My mom used to bake cookies and special breads to take to other families and she really restricted the sweets we could have, was really controlling around food. It used to really bother us growing up.

As I’m becoming aware of this Drama triangle dynamic, and trying to step out - I’ve noticed that our 14-yr old son, who is rather unkind/disrespectful to the rest of the house (typically the Persecutor) has become quite resistant lately, refusing to take responsibility for just about anything. It’s hard to be around, but I’m trying to stick with staying neutral; trying to trust that things are indeed (🙏🏼) shifting for the better.

I actually wear my narc hubby down so we can sick peacefully without him wearing me out. It's perfect until he gets help.

Well my husband's gotten Crumpler and bossier and expects me to do everything... did I guess right?

Don't care... just so my spousal needs are met lol.

Some of them dont care about witnesses , flaunting their intentions.

"People that make arrows for other people to shoot at each other"... wow that hit hard.

To experience is unconscionable and surreal. It's so strange that there are so many horrifying people. Why? Why stuck on this planet with all these horrifying creatures?

Only way to fight back is to slip the script. For every bad player there must be a good player to counteract.

feeding off of my frustrations....pretending she doesnt know that we have already gone over this problem 50 times ,as if i hadnt ALREADY explained and tried to help her understand my POV...

Interesting until the conclusion that fall short and contradict everything else : "I'm not responsible for your behavior" is exactly what narc say to flee any responsabilities when their victims suffer emotionally and physically from their behavior (degrading health, self-harm, s*icide attempts...).

Being disinherited is one of the best things that ever happened. I got off my ass and learned to make money ❤

Great video...thank you so much! A whole course in just a few minutes...

In my observation of sociopaths it had come to my attention that they may have their own language? Or at least Grammer is different in their speech. For instance the popular phrase "death to fascists" would really mean "death is in the hands of the fascists" or "the fascists are now responsible for death, we are not in this particular situation, but we are participating indirectly" a type of sociopathic dyslexia if you will This is an observation I have come by because I noticed quite a few people with narcissistic tendencies I know are Grammar Nazis. To the point that it seriously disturbs them. Probably as it deeply confused them. We know very little about the sociopathic mind and how differently their perception is. Just a thought

My ex was messaging acting so kind and caring again (after almost killing me) I replied that I was very sick and it could be life threatening…you may think this was terrible and I would never usually say this to anyone! But in this case I wanted to prove how my exes love was absolute BS. I sent the message, it took a long time to get a reply and the reply was not standard or normal. It demonstrated that my ex didn’t even care if I died. They just want you for convenience and benefits. If you’re gone and dead then you’re not very beneficial and they will jump ship.

The Russians are committing sabotage throughout Europe. Europe may have to switch to a war economy.

The Russians are committing sabotage throughout Europe. Europe may have to switch to a war economy.

Could you do a video on dismissive avoidant who is also a vulnerable narcissist and how the pattern would be different in such an individual?

But I've never seen that actually happen tho... Thank you!!!👍❤❤❤

Just wanted to share some quotes from the Bible, Quran, and Buddha. Your work is invaluable Darren. Buddha 1) Let none find fault with others; let none see the omissions and commissions of others. But let one see one’s own acts, done and undone. 2) In whom there is no sympathy for living beings: know him as an outcast 3) An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast. A wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind." 4) It is a man’s own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways 5) It is easy to see the faults of others, but difficult to see one’s own faults. One shows the faults of others like chaff winnowed in the wind, but one conceals one’s own faults as a cunning gambler conceals his dice 6) Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind Quran 1) 1) Do not mix the truth with falsehood, or conceal the truth when you know it. 2) Assuredly, Allah knows what they conceal and what they declare. Indeed, He does not like the arrogant. 3) And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful. 4) Do not lie 5) Do not insult 6) Compassion to all and be especially compassion to believers Christianity 1) Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Peter 2:1 2) For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16 3) The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.” Manipulative individuals who employ deceitful tactics and lies stand contrary to the character of God 4) To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech. 5) Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. 6) There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community 7) A proud and haughty man-“Scoffer” is his name; He acts with arrogant pride. All religions are warning us about what we now understand as narcissistic behavior in the science of Psychology. Very important for people to realize as most people only learn their religion, and do not realize what so many religions have in common.

The public persona vs the actual persona is accurate in my situation. We’ve been together 37 years and it’s only now that the only school friend I trust is shocked at having seen the mask slip. All said is so true.

I know alot of parents are hurting. Just know.all of your posts are helping ne.

Spot on and I love your videos ❤

i came for the narcissist's, but liars are fun, too!

Yup my husband is a coward and a master manipulator. While we are still together,we have moved far from the tiny town and his friends and family. I’ve cut them all off as they are flying monkeys and are also,manipulated. I often correct his language which implies I’m the bad one in front of others. He uses selective memory of discussions, and still tries on the victimhood,thing is living so far away and removing myself from his friends,family ,he has no audience. These days he gets his ego hit from working at a higher level again. Takes the pressure off me. If only I’d read the red flags with him and his family all those years ago. I’m actually enjoying a few told u so’s,and well I tried to warn you and of course the I have no recollection of that conversation. It’s intensely satisfying after recovering from a huge betrayal and desertion from years ago.

I’m in shock these types don’t want solutions or resolutions.. it’s maddening behavior I certainly can live without! 🎉🎉

Hi Darren, great information thank you. Have you done any that look at hiding your emotions, particularly pleasure or happiness? I'm told I'm very flat (affect) all the time now.😊

My narc mom would get vengeful if I just dare to breathe her air, not even kidding. 😣

Around 7 years ago, after already living in a hyper stressed state( due to parents illnesses and distance lived away etc) for around 5 years, after we had moved back to our home town( massive financial strain) I had a night out with work girls. I came home pickled and tried to honestly communicate with the person I was meant to be closest to- my husband. He gaslit,avoided questions and kept us arguing in a circle until Weill into daylight.( rather than calling it and going to bed.) as in my family we have a variety of mental disorders ( bipolar,clinical depression,schizophrenia) my worst fear was being labeled as mad. ( something my then trusted husband was aware of) he called an ambulance and told them I was suicidal( I absolutely was not,just desperate to connect) . So I came back from the toilet to two strangers in my house inviting me to sit down so they can determine if I’m mad. My coward husband hid in the bedroom saying you’re gonna hate me. Meanwhile there is the humiliation of our then late teens son witnessing all this. Thankfully the shock numbed me and the ambos left. My husband did not realise or think ahead logistically. If I had been taken,I would’ve lost my job,we would have lost the house,everything we’d struggled so hard for. At that time I was also carrying a chronic back injury but was still working a menial labour job,mid 40’s and out lifting 20 somethings. My husband utterly destroyed me that day. I also found he had been “ confiding” in our circle of friends( of over 20 years at that point) . The result; I was literally shunned at any get together. The incident that finally made the penny drop was they literally “ closed the circle” and shut me out. They’d walk away if I attempted to join any conversation.( I now realise they were “ flying monkeys) he’d also been demonising me to his family. Again another realisation/ a lifetime of flashback situations of red flags by his family I was to young and dumb to recognise. And top it off with a toxic workplace that was targeting people ( thankfully not me but so hard to watch- morally,ethically it was wrong, but we needed the money.) add in a pinch of my mother living interstate and refusing any assistance and slowly becoming demented. I was already speaking to a subsidised counsellor( money has always been an issue) when this happened. I became absolutely numb and shell shocked for around 6 months. I barely functioned,stopped laughing and finding joy and beauty in the world. But at nights I dreamed,and these dreams guided me as to how to come back. An action plan was formed and I worked through it steadfastly,quietly and patiently. I drew very strict boundaries,walked away from the “ friends”, cut off his family,began looking for a new job, made a decision to move onto a new phase of my life. I played on the cowardice of my husband. Upshot, I scored a new job, we moved far away from that tiny town,I began a lot of self care,reconnected to my old school mates, however the physical reaction of my body was a heart attack in the midst of moving. There was no actual damage ,so I believe it was broken heart syndrome. My husband is still here,there is little if any intimacy as I will never fully trust him again. He has realised he is a coward and a narcissist and that I am aware of his manipulations. My councillor all those years ago said I was in survival mode. That I was. My way of coping is living quietly and mostly solitary. I love it,I’ve found peace. I eat as well as our budget allows,exercise,socialise with my schoolmates,and pursue interests I’ve daydreamed about for a while but which he reckons are out there and to “ lofty”.🙄 this has taken around 7 seven years and is still ongoing. We cannot afford a therapist,so if my emotions bubble up,I write it all down, read over and tear up. This has been a godsend. I came across an old diary and read through my feelings,suspicions the other day and all my fears came true. I have had my worst fears come true. That is very freeing. I also am extremely reserved as to what I apply my energy and time to. I will never forgive my husband and will never ever fully trust him again. Point is, I feel I nearly died from the physical reaction ( the amount of inflammation my body had was nauseating) I had a chronic back condition- from carrying all the emotional weight of the relationship,massive inflammation throughout my body,bursitis in my hip that I had to still walk to and from work and stand for 10 hour shifts and unload pallets of heavy lifting,and what I was told was a heart attack- I slept for a week in hospital in critical care) ,after drawing boundaries and diligently sticking to them ( while being gaslit from all sides) it is possible to come through. With the friends and family I cutoff I have a song line of “ now you’re just somebody that I used to know”. With my husband,the song line is “ you can give me your finest wine but I’ll never give up mine..” I no longer work,I get to exercise daily( lift my head to the sun) ,do self care daily,and finally pursue my interests. I’m loving the solitude,giving me time to reflect.

Get humble or be humbled. -God

I am addressing this in therapy right now

This explains my parents, especially Mom, so well. My mom is more interested in what the adult kids of the neighbor than they are interested in their own adult children. She will happily go 3-4 months without any communication beyond one short text sending a photo of something fun they are doing. And then I married the exact same thing, only he was totally focused on work, going out with friends, hunting, etc. I often wondered why he asked me to marry him if he was so uninterested in spending any time with me. He withheld physical and emotional connection, not even sex. It was so bleak and lonely! I get lonely now occasionally as a single person, but never as much as I felt everyday when married.

Today I learned narcissists need adoration. I guess that's what happened to the first husband a year and a half in 'cause I wasn't doin' it.

I broke all contact with both of my narcissistic parents. Neither of them ever got over it. My mother filled he will with tales of what a cold unfeeling person I am because she was cut off and could not play her ugly games with my wife or myself. I used to be attracted to women that shared my mother's worst traits but happily I grew out of that. I've been married for forty years to a woman who has none of the traits exhibited by my parents. She and I still quite like each other, like actually friends. I be a lucky fellow.

I’m going through this now. It’s fresh and I don’t know how to cope. I’m non functional right now.

I know a few people who match HPD and also know other people who might be full blown NPD and I do not find them the same. NPDs try to manage you and HPDs just want your continuous attention, but they do not desire to somehow take master you. They would become sad and amp up their attention seeking behaviour, but woul rarely put down etc. HPDs are draining, but NPDs outright malitious.

It's a special hell.

My experience dealing with both a covert (father) and malignant/psychopath sister my entire life I have found that there is a NEED for a scapegoat no matter how big or small the problem. My father was dying. I was by his side every single day for hours for over 3 months while running to their house miles away to care for mom with cancer and early alzheimers. My sister threw up every roadblock whilst being of zero help. Mind you she is a nurse and wealthy through marriage. She was not working nor had small children. Dad I was told had a 17% chance of survival. It was long and arduous but he made it thank the Almighty. I once asked the overnight nurse I had struck up a friendship from staying night after night if she thought he would survive the night. She looked at me, I again urged her. She looked at Dad and said no. I dont think he will survive the night. Immediately I wished I never asked. He did though. And in the end, after she returned from a spontaneous vacation, she said, " I really didn't think he would make it. We (her eldest son) had already decided to blame you." Then she laughed and left.

My covert narcissist mother has never shown any sign of experiencing mortification. She’s always correct, even in situations where the other person is far more qualified and experienced. She seems to somehow think of those who disagree with her as complete idiots. She takes the tiniest bit of praise as others saying that she is wonderful or extraordinary.. No, no mortification for my mother.

I first noticed it when we moved in together… then even a dishrag became a problem! I remember walking over to the trash & throwing it away before turning around to dare him to create another problem! He later remarked that he didn’t know why he’d done that but it was a clear pattern of behavior from the start. This pattern just escalated & there was nothing I could do but watch the slow motion train wreck in the house

The cyber bullying hackers who continue to put content into my account about jealousy & envy are are actually telling on themselves. Normal people who don’t experience these feelings don’t harp on a perceived slight or insult. They would just laugh and go about their business. Someone that engages in 6 years of sadistic abuse and mockery is so fragile they would actually consider k*lling the person who pointed out their insecurities.

Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!

I’m sure there are many people who believe me. The people who don’t are abusers and are involved in the abuse towards me as well. Abuse by proxy.

My entire workplace went fully remote after the 2020s. It seems like many of these toxic characteristics were amplified when that happened. Would be interesting to see some videos about how remote work can affect toxicity in the workplace.

My only parent is an extreme narc. Ive never been able to express my feelings. Bc they will have a complete mental breakdown as soon as i say "im not being treated poorly anymore". All they hear is "im not living under your control anymore" and THAT is all they care about. Not your feelings or situation. Not your health. Mental and physical. It ALL revolves around Them and what They want. What you want doesnt matter At All.

Darren, what can you do about a narcissistic co worker who constantly makes up issues about others work and runs to the boss with these issues?

Experiencing triggered for past three years plus and never knew (?) THANK YOU for the reference to this vid Darren.

The phrase "shame-based disorder" stands out as very succinct and accurate. Flying monkeys articulate narcissists' shaming messages and narratives. Shaming tactics are omnipresent in cases of parental alienation.