Children Will Financially Ruin You. Tom Simmons

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Children Will Financially Ruin You. Tom Simmons - Full Special

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Күн бұрын

Children will financially ruin you, or at least in the case of Tom Simmons in this full Dry Bar Comedy special, you should probably name your child Owen, because that is what you'll be doing for the rest of your life. Whether you're someone with 10 kids, or someone who has put off having kids, this full Dry Bar Comedy special from Tom Simmons is sure to keep you laughing from start to finish.
If you enjoyed this full Dry Bar Comedy special from Tom Simmons, be sure to check out the links below for even more Dry Bar Comedians you might enjoy!
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Пікірлер: 291

@ollynolly4592 3 жыл бұрын

I have no kids but the way my family is set up, I basically raised my siblings and God it makes me not want to have kids at all. And I love kids. Love cuddling them and hanging out with them but the relief I feel when their parents come home and I can go back to only taking care of me, is immeasurable.

@LadyVoldemort 3 жыл бұрын

I'm with you! People said I'm very good with kids and that I would surely be an awesome mom if I could have one (I'm barren)! LoL. They don't know that the reason for those are: 1) because I'm a child at heart myself (that's why I can connect/relate with them so much). And 2) I don't have to take care and live with them 24/7! I am FREE!!! 🤣

@clarismwangi1890 3 жыл бұрын

Took the words right out of my mouth 😸

@ShannonMcW 3 жыл бұрын

I love being an aunt! I was possibly born to be an aunt! I highly recommend aunt-hood or uncle-hood to anyone with a sibling, or even a cousin. If you don’t have any relatives that can provide this experience, just borrow or rent. Owning is way to complicated, all sorts of unexpected costs, random repairs, and generally too hard to maintain.

@LadyVoldemort 3 жыл бұрын

@@ShannonMcW Yes! I'm that silly yet cool aunt, too. I have no siblings, but my closest cousin who lives next door has 3 kids, and they're all sticking to me like glue almost everyday. And when I'm not in the mood to play, all I need to do is told them to go home. LoL. Auntiehood it is for me...😄❤

@emmar-h2025 3 жыл бұрын

@Olly Nolly you just described how parenting feels, and the only relief is their bedtime. I have 5 kids and didn't realize how much it'd be until i had my last kid😭🤣

@elizabethd3977 3 жыл бұрын

"Yeah, there's a reason why kids are so cute - it's so you don't throw 'em in a dumpster at 3 in the morning." SPOT ON my guy 😂😂😂

@user-jj888 10 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂 yess

@LadyVoldemort 3 жыл бұрын

The "employee discount" joke is spot on! Hilarious set, Tom!!! Love it!!!

@singingwindrider9881 3 жыл бұрын

For real!

@loriwallace2590 3 жыл бұрын

"....my baby is making hash?! No wonder these things are so valuable!" 🤣🤣 Did NOT get enough laughs for that!

@psedog Жыл бұрын

They weren't ready 🤣

@globetrekker86 3 жыл бұрын

“We named our son ‘Owen’, ‘cause that’s what we’re gonna be doin’ for the rest of our lives” 🤣🤣🤣

@pareshlalta792 3 жыл бұрын

lmao

@edithdlp8045 2 жыл бұрын

At least he is not a single parent.

@larrywade2753 2 жыл бұрын

@@pareshlalta792 q

@pareshlalta792 2 жыл бұрын

@@larrywade2753 what ?

@Revolution-tl5wo 3 жыл бұрын

"Owen says 'why can't I be a big brother'?" "Well, you should've slept through the night a few more times." LOL

@Testsubject99807 3 жыл бұрын

This guy and his wife are hilarious. I would absolutely BINGE Haunted House Flippers- the end of the special killed me.

@godislove9307 3 жыл бұрын

"Isn't really sure where Lebanon is..." LOL :)

@AlexSmith-px1di 3 жыл бұрын

Ha,"I'm saving .53 cents on pop tarts! This guy is hilarious 😂

@deborahgillespie6319 3 жыл бұрын

Way funnier than the audience seems to believe.

@happyrose6168 2 жыл бұрын

The audience is smart

@ceesno9955 3 жыл бұрын

Details of baby entering the world. Entertaining.

@crystalm4324 3 жыл бұрын

Pretty darn accurate!

@ingenuity168 3 жыл бұрын

Authentic 😁🤣

@ekdaufin1485 3 жыл бұрын

Home-colleged 🤣🤪

@nenaelliott8058 3 жыл бұрын

I love good clean comedy. Thanks for thinking of those of us that do Dry Bar. This guy is great.. very funny.

@majoroldladyakamom6948 3 жыл бұрын

A lot of us also L O V E good clean comedy. Thanks for the grammatical giggle, lol!!

@nenaelliott8058 3 жыл бұрын

@@majoroldladyakamom6948 lol, maybe that's the way I meant to spell it.. kidding, I corrected it. Thanks.

@nenaelliott8058 3 жыл бұрын

@Baba Ganush I don't know, I think it's a matter of taste. I know a lot of comedians that don't use foil language and are doing pretty well for themselves. Dry bar is also showing everyone that clean comedy can bed just as funny if not moreso than raunchy jokes.

@singingwindrider9881 3 жыл бұрын

O my word, lol, nearly choked on my water at "put it nxt here to daddy's", LOL

@texsis2112 Жыл бұрын

Jokes about kids, the best. So funny. Thank you 😊

@savannahjobethlee6072 3 жыл бұрын

This guy is hilarious please put more content of him on here 😂😂

@mariazamarripa8274 3 жыл бұрын

I have 12 children, they were easy the husband was harder 😂😂🤣🤣😂

@denisemaher342 3 жыл бұрын

Holy Moly!!!!😱😱😱 God Bless you and your family!!!

@velocitygirl8551 3 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@maxlove4906 3 жыл бұрын

Sounds like your husband must've been 'hard' all the time??! LOL 😆😂🤣

@JustAName-it5qp 3 жыл бұрын

That stimulus though

@mariazamarripa8274 3 жыл бұрын

@@maxlove4906 that is not nice keep clean please.

@johngreene6783 3 жыл бұрын

Yes the will financially ruin you, but don't forget that they can and probably will emotionally ruin you too LOL

@jmj1852 3 жыл бұрын

So true I know from experience‼️👍👍

@majoroldladyakamom6948 3 жыл бұрын

They will also be choosing your Nursing Home some day, as well.

@jhas4055 3 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@johnpapa8681 3 жыл бұрын

I don't think my kids were expensive, but their schools hit us up for money all the time!

@realiouslytv1711 3 жыл бұрын

You'd think brainwashing would be cheaper

@esahcaeeneiradgbo2464 3 жыл бұрын

This was so hilariously funny and relatable at the same time. I loved it. 😂

@kristindudziec4398 3 жыл бұрын

LOL!!! I can definitely relate the Self Checkout!

@theoriginalloveandteavarie4285 3 жыл бұрын

This is soo good. Yes parenting is beautiful and extremely stressful and scary at the same time!

@Sarahh185 3 жыл бұрын

Lol... light at night can be bright, even with eyes closed. I stick blue tac or tape over visible little power lights as I am also sensitive to light when sleeping 😎😊🤣

@cindykaywebster4643 2 жыл бұрын

Love the backdrop!

@injar88 Жыл бұрын

That last bit about the invite to the TV show! OMGGGGGG. Thank you thank you thank you for showing the reality of reality TV that dumbs down everything & throws out talent that could have served the country the world but it’s not “dumb” enough. I felt the entire conversation and it’s actually their loss and funny that you pointed out before & yet they the “experts” couldn’t understand hah. I just say NO to everything too now. This one was fun to watch. You don’t need TV to validate your worth 💪🙂

@leegoddard2618 3 жыл бұрын

That ending was PERFECT. I laughed, SO Hard.

@keniachiriguiry9326 3 жыл бұрын

He got me on the first sentence 🤣🤣

@sylviastreet6785 3 жыл бұрын

The maintenance man of our building is a better than a husband. He fixings things but leaves after that!

@noradorris9631 3 жыл бұрын

I wish I could 'like' this many times over. I really like this guy.

@GEAUXFRUGAL 3 жыл бұрын

He is going to be home colleged.

@anastefania8759 3 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂😂

@ekdaufin1485 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the laughs!!! Excellent

@jacobl6714 3 жыл бұрын

You can absolutely see light through closed eyelids my guy lol I know he was mentioning as part of a bit, but still

@jhop1655 2 жыл бұрын

You can but I've found a beanie cap pulled down over the eyes blocks enough so I can go to sleep and keeps my head from getting cold while I sleep. I guess if you're hot natured you have to adjust clothing levels elsewhere, though, so the cap doesn't overheat you while you're sleeping.

@singingwindrider9881 3 жыл бұрын

Great all th way thru! Thx 4 sharing, i needed this :)

@keywestalert6329 3 жыл бұрын

Dude, thus guy us right. At walnart they said only self check out is opened and i had a full cart. This man is right. I should get a discount it took me about 15 minutes to do it so i should get 15 minutes of my time given back to me! I value my time at $30/hr. So i should get $8. In shear saving at least. I am being extremely reasonable

@benjaminbradley4771 3 жыл бұрын

Very funny and intelligently entertaining. It isn't everyone's cup of tea. But he is super smart.

@lm-pw9ul 2 жыл бұрын

I'm sure many people would love to listen to more intelligent jokes as well

@vitranisuber 3 жыл бұрын

This guy was funny, audience was dry.

@reacher8042 3 жыл бұрын

This man is GOLD

@EnergyMedicineAlice 2 жыл бұрын

Big applause! Tom is exceptionally funny.

@christyassid8871 3 жыл бұрын

Hilarious!

@joeslob1199 3 жыл бұрын

This guy is THE BEST!

@Jesustilldelivers 2 жыл бұрын

This guy is hilarious!

@deborahadcock978 2 жыл бұрын

Love this guy!!!So funny!!!

@notit340 3 жыл бұрын

I'm the same way when I sleep 😂 I need it dark! It's much better.

@singingwindrider9881 3 жыл бұрын

Yep...& quiet! No tv, etc on. My ex used to think i was picking on him by telling him i could still hear his show. But i have super sensitive hearing & he was going deaf. There's a joke in that somewhere, haha.

@kayakteddy 3 жыл бұрын

The whole set was hilarious, but the ending,...laughed way too long on that. That was the best. Righteous!

@pleochroic 2 жыл бұрын

Hurrah for the non-violence. Me too, even though I had horrible role models as a child -- but it didn't result in me repeating the cycle, it resulted in me never wanting to do that to anyone I supposedly love. He's a good guy; I love the way he talks about his kid, how he respects how the kid sees the world (even if it's funny in the moment). That final bit about "America's Got Talent" looking for dumber comedy was so biting and to the point.

@edylcnostrebor9722 3 жыл бұрын

This guy Tom is so Funny 🔥

@suellenmaforte12 2 жыл бұрын

I loved this guy! Can’t believe he’s not around more often in other widely known places keep it up man, you were great from beginning to end!

@TruckTaxiMoveIt 2 жыл бұрын

I laughed hilariously out loud when he started talking about his turn the mop aisle 3

@jonas0618 3 жыл бұрын

this guy is great!

@thinkfloyd2594 3 жыл бұрын

Let me tell you about my spawn.... this is so damned ORIGINAL!

@jeffh8291 3 жыл бұрын

Thus guy is awesome! Thanks DryBar!

@raebroussard7913 Жыл бұрын

This guy made me laugh a lot! So funny !!!

@chivonfortney1656 2 жыл бұрын

Spot on! I've got three kids and providing for their needs and a couple of wants has got us in the broke house every payday!

@HamsaLarsen 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks so much I needed the laughs! This was hilarious!

@smbrowning578 2 жыл бұрын

Mom's don't laugh....we get mad! "I TOLD you not to do that!" Gotta love 'em!

@maryrosekent8223 3 жыл бұрын

He’s very dry and low-key and I wasn’t certain I’d make it through his whole set, but he’s low-key and funny and I’m glad I didn’t bail.

@Sharki_V 3 жыл бұрын

This was hilarious xD A lot of fresh material I'd never heard before.

@davidmaltone4812 3 жыл бұрын

Love it love it 100% I laughed until I cried you totally funny man thank you for that !!!!!!!!!!!!

@MsMookalate 3 жыл бұрын

Fun parenting tip. I put myself in timeout might even have the luxury here and far of being grounded when the kids are away.😉

@theoneandonlyowl3764 3 жыл бұрын

That was clever Tom. I think the (sit-down) audience did have a little trouble keeping up at times. but I loved it.

@charlestaylor3195 3 жыл бұрын

That last joke was brilliant.

@ire1398 3 жыл бұрын

That is the secret of financial success - no kids

@nicolarose1327 3 жыл бұрын

absolutely love this guy so funny thankyou for your humour

@thomasjackson7785 3 жыл бұрын

If you're not laughing you don't have kids. Go to the shopping mall or whatever it's called where you are. See the parents with kids, learn your lessons just by seeing what those little Owens are like. 😂😂😂 Can always hand them back no receipt or excuse needed. That's the way it goes with me, don't mind loading them full of sugar and giving them noisy toys or spending a day in the toy store as it ain't my problem it's the parents 😂😂 who have to deal with it all, good luck to all the parents out in this crazy world 💯

@murieltainter5936 3 жыл бұрын

Newborn view of the world was so true.....I like this guy.

@maryksnyder1155 Ай бұрын

By the way… I did not get them back in the same pristine condition 😂 Hysterical!!! Love his timing!!! 😂

@jaynestag95 3 жыл бұрын

The reason kids are cute stops you throwing them in the bin😂 😂😂😂😂

@vernondecker9532 3 жыл бұрын

I was imagining the audiences face on the dumpster joke and was rolling laughing 🤣 😃 😀 it was like he hit them with a 2×4. But I had kids and was like yea your right.

@Vincent-ke5zn 2 жыл бұрын

I love the self check-out jokes, I don't use self check-out

@multivariateperspective5137 Жыл бұрын

Now this guy is funny, seriously

@KristiWilson 3 жыл бұрын

There’s a book series about a house flipper that keeps running into ghosts. It’s a fun, cozy mystery read. :)

@cleverusername8835 3 жыл бұрын

What's it called?

@rottofox 3 жыл бұрын

Sounds like a great book, what's the name????

@KristiWilson 3 жыл бұрын

Man, I will have to see if I can find the author! It’s been a few years ago since reading that series

@kirbymarchbarcena 3 жыл бұрын

Me and Tom have similar situations about parenting...it was all full of humor now if I think about it.

@jeanniebell9493 Жыл бұрын

Very Funny, and true Tom !!!

@claudialsmith2996 3 жыл бұрын

You're the best dude. So much fun now boy.!

@ryutak777 3 жыл бұрын

The title tells me this is going to be accurate and hilarious.

@dakaliajohnson5831 3 жыл бұрын

I feel like I've seen a portion of his special but not the full set! I like him though 😂😂

@charlestaylor3195 3 жыл бұрын

I agree, I've seen part of this too.

@1bestfriend2u18 3 жыл бұрын

I should check out his other sets on yt to hear what they're talking about. This was a good set.

@loffy742 3 жыл бұрын

He is awesome! Reminds me of Bill Engvall and Ray Romano.

@spbaddie1693 3 жыл бұрын

A had a good laugh with this one :D

@GoddDamn 3 жыл бұрын

I'm stealing the haunted house flipper idea.

@img923 3 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂 thank you!

@SueBoo2 3 жыл бұрын

9:03 🤣😂🤣 25:49 Yes! Absolutely!😂

@malkriss Жыл бұрын

Lol I agree with your wife about light getting through eyelids ... love your special 🤣

@jeri8853 2 жыл бұрын

This guy is a sweet bear! Very relatable ! An aproachable man!

@madaralivabrigmane7552 3 жыл бұрын

The light bit hit WAY too close to home...

@jehovah1ize 3 жыл бұрын

Oh please spare the rod spoil the child. I have a wonderful 34 year old that I used the occasional corporal punishment on when he was a toddler. He's not scarred in the least. We have a ton of disrespectful children vin our schools because parents are afraid of their children.

@MrLordbubasith 3 жыл бұрын

The Ric Flair drip is strong in this one.

@andrewbeattieRAB 3 жыл бұрын

“Dear North Carolina, We understand you have started disciplining your kids like Northern cities. That is, you aren’t. You should follow the example of South Carolina (ouch). Due to this and a MYRIAD of non-Southern things that you have let overtake your state, we are going to have to let you go.“ Signed, The South