We loose motivation very fast! A slight failure make us depressive! So annoying!

I’ve always said “I just want to be happy” whenever someone asks what I want for my future.... I think what I truly want is to feel safe enough to be myself. Because that, is true happiness

"failure to launch syndrom" - extremely true.

the use of "we" gives an infj like myself comfort that someone understands. :>

Situational depression, that's exactly what happens when I am in a place or job that doesn't fit me and nobody understands why, I feel like I am drowning yet from the outside people think everything is fine and question my attitude. Understanding the situational depression concept is a great motivator to get off the sick merry-go-round I was stuck in. Thanks!!!!

EXACTLY... "situational depression". That's me living in a small, gossipy town... working a job for eight years that I hated every day... but there were no other jobs in town. I walked out that back door and moved away from that town. I'm ok now.. kinda... 500 miles and a border away from there!

"Usually really good at something like art." Me watching this video as I'm drawing on my tablet 😆

anyone else type up long youtube comments from time to time just to delete it all in the end cuz you feel like it doesnt matter?

Great advice - get your stuff out there! Is anyone else TOO - polite, self-deprecating, modest, awkward with compliments, unchallenging of other's BS, etc? Practice NOT being these things. Develop and share your voice. You know the world needs you 💚

also infjs are so adventurous that they like to experience what other people feel about almost everything..good are bad they just want to experience it.. lol talking about myself..

You are the first mind coach to make these deep dives so accurately, into the experience of an INFJ. Thank you for thinking so clearly and sharing what you have learned in your life.

I've always said that the dream job would be doing the things we loved the most when we were kids. Because as kids we didn't think about getting rich of even just paying mortgage/debt or being able to afford something. We simply followed our heart.

The 5 questions: 1. What is your unfair advantage? 2. What did you love to do when you were young? 3. How can you help people / help the world? 4. Is there any information you have right now you wish you had when you were young? 5. What's a complex topic that you could make simple? Bonus: how do you eventually become irreplaceable?

This couldn’t be more spot on. Freedom is absolutely the key. I finally discovered my “thing” in my late 20s (watercolor painting) and created an entire business around it. Thanks for using your gift to make us feel seen and understand ourselves even better, Clay! It’s helpful and comforting.

I am 17 years old. Is it wierd I love watching these videos? I feel like i differ from the age group

As an INFJ, only 2-3 minutes into this video, I already find it sooooo relatable. This is exactly me and what I'm going through. I totally understand everything that you are talking about. I always feel the need to find a goal or purpose in my life. However, as an INFJ, I have too many things going on in my mind but I did not do any of it so I always end up with this feeling of 'I'm trapped' and I don't know what to do. 😢 Edit: After watching your video, I feel so much better to know that I am not alone. I'm so glad that there are other INFJs who understand us. Thanks so much for the video! Will try to start thinking about that 5 questions seriously.

I’m definitely lost in life. I had a lot of bad circumstances that led me to be this way. But I do have unfair advantages like being going at speaking English despite being a first generation immigrant, and I always get complemented on my face. I don’t enjoy cleaning but I’m quite good at it because I was forced to do chores in my adolescence and teenage-hood. I wish I could go back 20 years and tell me younger self that my mother is a narcissist and that there’s nothing I can do to help her.

The situational depression thing resonates 100%. In fact, I kept telling doctors this exact phrase and they still wanted me to take meds. Like you, when I am on my right path, it all goes away. Thank you for this video, I need to do what I love. Freedom!

I always end your videos feeling like I just listened to an encouraging pep talk with a counselor who understands me (INFJ) on the most accurate level lol thank you!

I love listening to your calm voice and gentle demeanor. It’s soothing. 💕🌿✨🍃

I have forever thought that there's got to be someone who would look at me and think that I am the one person they need for whatever the project or need is... but the next thought, invariably, is that I rarely accomplish anything that I envision, anything worthwhile.

That feeling that this guy is the older you sent to direct you from the past

Thank you, Clay! I just found out yesterday that I am an INFJ. This is like all my puzzles came together and made a complete picture. I am drawing/painting all my life, but always thought it is "ok", nothing special...anyone can do it)). I was traveling through Canada from Winnipeg to Vancouver and stayed for two weeks in Kelowna. I met one elderly lady from St. Pius church, she looked at my art on Instagram and ordered a portrait of her daughter's dog...another one ordered a print of my art, another bought a Feng Shui art from me, BUT this didn't convince me that I do something special...it was always just another painting. I even felt surprised that people like it, want to have it, say something like "you are such a talented artist"...I always thought they say so because of being my friends or being polite Canadians)). Now by listening to this video I realized that it is something more valuable than I thought before. Probably I will make something commercial with my art and see how it will work out). You motivated me because you speak as an advanced business version of myself...it is so cool!

Wow,just what I needed now.I am 46,still don't know my calling.INFJ's are so weird and wonderful.I actually love and appreciate myself more! Thank you Clay!

I dont aim for happiness, the emotion is too fleeting and not a good barometer for success. Aim for fulfillment and a purposeful life. As an infj, i rather die doing something of purpose that contributes to the greater good, then live without purpose.

I write individual letters to my children and wife every month and sit down with each one to review them. This has been consistent for years. We talk about only them. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I also wrote a book about it. Working Class Dad. Not promoting the book, but just confirmation on being an INFJ. The world makes sense now. ☺️

I share the same wish- That I had known about narcissism or strong narcissistic traits when I was younger, and was able to recognize it in people. Also why I attracted these personality types. Better late than never!

Happiness is freedom. I love that! I haven't given up my love of horses to this day! 29 years strong...

This was relatable on a level I cannot articulate; thank you for putting words to the nuance in my head! Even commenting is hard for me because of our INFJ perfectionism, but I'm being brave today!

This is so funny, I am INFJ through and through - working as a speech & language therapist with children with complex needs (helping) while following my passion and special skill with a jewellery making business on the side.. best of both worlds! Love your insights! 😊💕

I work best alone when success or failure falls on my shoulders. Working for someone was always difficult, if someone showed any lack of ethics or fell into the profit trap solely I would be turned off immediately. I found my happy place as a real estate and vacation rental photographer. I communicate in emails and texts mostly so light contact there and then I go into empty houses and do my job and leave. When I was younger I worked in customer service management jobs and healthcare. I couldn't imagine myself there now and would be very unhappy. As a side job, I also babysit for single moms and I am able to be home with my young daughter while making a little money helping others in that way. During winter when my photography job is less abundant, I clean the house for a large vaca rental where again the house is empty and I can do my thing in peace. Sometimes on the days, I stay in the house day after day, I can get less productive but it works. I am good at everything I do, in every job position I gained responsibility and authority quickly. I know now in my 40s that no matter what happens in life I can adapt and survive based on my adaptability and quick learning.

so stunned to know you are also stuck with Narcissist ever before, INFJ is truly prone to be trapped by Narcissism, what a bad density.

1. My Unfair advantage ? ° I remember my friends say im good at decoration ideas. (Event organiser) °Good at understanding ppl and giving them advice.( Councelling) 2. What I love to do? ° I love traveling and I love talking about the place and describe the feeling the scene. ° I always loved coffee and I wanted to become a barista. ° I love cooking ° Obviously photography ° Gardening ° Making new friends I love talking to different mindset of ppl their deepist thoughts. 3. How can I help ppl? ° That's at top for infjs helping others. ° I believe that now days ppl want to be heard ppl want to loved and recognised. So I would love to be that kind of a person who can embrace ppl in need. 4. Any information I have now I wish I had when I was young? ° YES! KZfaq I wish had these kinda vids that could tell me I'm not alone and I'm normal. I really feel Jealous for this generation kids growing youths that they have so so so many information filled in internet and so many free skills to learn. I really wish I had this back than so I could figure out what I actually wanted to do with my life. ° The skill of awareness I would like to give this to my younger self. ° And yes obviously boundaries I really wish I knew that word back then so I could get less hurt. 5. One of the complicated work I can make it easy? ° I remember teaching my fellow frnd science and mathematics formula like he couldn't remember which formula applies where, For example- He love cars so I named the formulas according to each car and the value the car holds in his mind.

This was extremely helpful from start to finish. There were a zillion INFJ takeaways! Interestingly, the lifelong photography interest you mentioned shows in the high-quality videos you're creating while breaking out of your perfectionism. What an illustration of many of the points you were making here!

I am listening to you speak about narcissists a moment ago and Yes I have found this to be sadly true for me twice. I have dumbed myself down in my life and that has been Super hard to even admit but I know who I am now and refuse to get stuck anymore.

Great advice , you broke this down in a very INFJ friendly way . It feels like you read my confused mind and spoke solutions . Thank you !

It's so hard for me to see what skills I have because I have sooooooo many interests but I don't feel like I've become skilled at any of them. I have ADHD so I become hyper focused on one thing but get bored after a few days or weeks. That or perfectionism sets in. The result is that I jump to another interest. That means that I never become really skilled at any one thing .... I will often come back to each interest eventually.... sometimes YEARS later. But it's hard to feel really good at anything when I can't stick to anything very long. 40 years of this!(Not to mention adding several children to focus on now. ) Maybe by 80 I'll have put in enough hours to have some actual skills! Lol

Business videos please! I hope you know one of your natural gifts is speaking in a very clear and impactful way. Much love

Contradiction alert! Our "Feeling" elevates and deflates those chemicals and balancing them makes us feel less depressed and more empowered to achieve our ideas...by taking the initiative of setting the goals...and getting up to do it! Without those chemicals in balance we can't get up to do what we know we need to do!

I love your videos! Always great food for thought. Not to mention, it's always comforting to be reminded I'm not the only one who thinks the way I do...lol. #infj struggles...lol

Thanks Clay. This was super helpful. Please do more business videos. There is a lot of business advice on the Internet, but I guess INFJs do business a little differently. Would love to hear your insights.

I kept thinking my childhood was holding me back and that I was so frozen that I could not function in my business like I wanted. This helps me a lot to get past myself and do what I am good at. Thanks!

As an INFJ who can completely envision a future of my design, and completely build that future in my mind... in many ways it’s already built, and I know I could build it and that reality is enough, so I don’t do it. BUT, when something is so powerful within me that I cannot not do it; those projects are truly mind blowing!

1 - the unfair advantage (something you do easly naturally while ppl find it difficult) 2-what do you always like to do 3- what are the things that you know now you wish that you could teach it for your younger self 4-what are the complicated things that you could make it simple easly 5-how could you be irreplaceable (what is the knowledge that you specifically have)

I am an INFJ and 66 years old and retired and still never knew what I should do in life! I worked for banks in Accounts Receivables because I love managing money, as an Office Manager and Legal Secretary for a Law Firm because of my love for law based on integrity and the truth, Office Manager for a Vet Office due to my love of animals, and Office Manager for a Nursery School based on my love of children.

I struggle so much with confidence... I feel like I get the theory and what I should do... But when it comes to practicing what I preach... Oh boy. Inspiring video. I should reflect on what my strengths that I took for granted and thought 'too normal' - time for me to practice more drawing and post them on my Instagram more!

I'm an INFJ Advocate. I've had trouble fulfilling my "purpose" in this life. I think I've finally understand and accept it. If the opportunity arises, I offer my help. Of course there are people who disapprove of my methods but who cares. It fulfills a need inside myself and it's healthy for me...

This really hit me. Ever since I was a kid I drew to now im asked to do wedding portraits. I also placed state with violin in the Spokane Youth Symphony. Just recently I organized and compiled all the things I had to do into notes and made it a checklist for work and someone had asked "how'd you do that?" All of this, and I always had figured that it was easy- that I'm not that good to the point I was suffocating and wondering what I am good at. Note to everyone. Believe in yourself and take advantage of the gifts you have, the world needs it. Its a blessing i'm 21 and have stumbled across this. (my art is at locker_arts if anyone cares haha)

YES "situational depression" if I'm in a job I don't like I feel trapped and like I'm not making the most of life. If there's a leader who I don't like who tells me what to do and it doesn't make sense to me or seems like the bad choice I find I want to rebel against it. I definitely have resisted my true self for the first 19 yrs of my life but since I've been like f it I should be bolder to do what is right for me things have been figuring out better

Well let me say one thing, these talking videos are actually amazing for me to think some of my own things out. These videos may actually have more “worth” to others than yourself. So, thank you for what you’re doing. Please continue.

Thank you, Clay! This INFJ has viewed many of your other INFJ subject videos, but my first time commenting on one here. Your videos on INFJ subjects are the few on KZfaq that I can share with my ISFJ mother - to clearly explain who I am as an INFJ. Couldn’t explain it better myself. 👍🏻🙏🏻 I left a mundane job in January to purse an online reselling business. I gave myself freedom with that, wished I did this 20 years ago. But back then I did not know much about my INFJ needs. I just kept feeling guilty for not excelling in careers that were (looking back) not set for my MBTI. Thanks, Jeff.

You are so spot on with your comments and questions to ask yourself to become more self aware. I was having a difficult time finding a job after being laid off twice in my 50s. Difficult transition after a failed marriage, not seeing a way forward. And the phrase that resonated with me was from a Harry Potter movie, of all places: Play to your strengths. I have many things I can do naturally well but I don't value because they won't bring in much money. But doing them makes me happy. Creating detailed drawings and maps. Being able to turn things around in my head and always knowing where I'm going and never getting lost. Having memories going back to when I was 5 months old. Sewing, baking, etc. It is a difficult task of becoming self aware. Value yourself and your skills. That's what I would tell my younger self. Every day. Talk yourself up instead of down. Take more chances. You can muddle through because we INFJs seem to be able to mostly land on our feet. We are very good at thinking outside the box and coming up with unique solutions that no one else has thought about. I always list that as a strength on my resume, but it's something that isn't valued until a team at work runs into a problem and they need a solution in the next 3 minutes. Under pressure, I can usually come up with 2 or 5 ways to get out of the situation with grace and dignity. Just rambling thoughts.

I find myself being over empathetic sometimes to people I just met or only met a few times. I’m a 6’4” male, and yeah I even find myself being over emotional a weird thing. But one talent I have is I can sing really well, but I don’t think I’m good enough to try for anything in a singing career. I also find myself in leadership positions often in most group settings. I don’t know if it has something to do with my size, or the fact that I genuinely try to listen to people. Idk, but your videos have pulled me out of this black hole I’ve been in since my father died. I’m wasting my life, I have many talents, but I’m to insecure to present them outwardly in a functional way. I felt lost and alone. I thought about seeing a therapist because I felt broken. I’m overcoming a drug problem and it’s hindering my ability to function.

Turns out we live in the same province! 😉 While being an INFJ determines how we process information, I think it is the culmination of all our experiences (joyful and painful) that determines who we are as a person. You would not be able to teach your younger self these lessons if you hadn't gone through the experiences and grown from them. I have had some painful difficult circumstances, in the last few years especially, but they have challenged me to dig deep and figure out what my line in the sand is so to speak. What is important, what will I fight for and what is something that is time to let go. It's a great time of self reflection that otherwise wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't change that. Food for thought....

The resistance thing is spot on. To me though, I had to wait for the right timing to find my path, I guess sometimes you can't force it you just have to keep going until some day it all makes sense to you. It is difficult to predict life and I sure did not expect myself to be in a middle of a pandemic writing my thesis on PTSD and design this year. Hope everyone are safe and healthy!

I've often thought that happiness is found in the pursuit of goals....the pursuit of a better version of myself. Unhappiness is from perceptions that there are barriers to your pursuit of a better self.

Thanks! I always think what I know is “too easy”. Then I heard these older women lighting up like it was actually helpful and I was shocked!

Thank you for talking about this topic. I really needed this. 🙏🏼

so glad this popped up in my feed, thanks for posting this video clay

Thanks for this video I definitely needed to hear this. 💖

35 years and just found my purpose as a writer. Your videos helped with that a lot. It's been a struggle. I wish I'd known about the MBTI and INFJ personality a lot earlier. I literally just discovered this about two weeks ago. I feel foolish

I was captivated by your title so I am giving half an hour to listen to what you are going to say. As an INFJ (female but still vital at 68), I can identify with all your Introductory material - the presentation of the problem we uniquely face with our particular cognitive stack as an INFJ which I believe makes it harder to find our individual purpose. You have come to the word resistance which you will describe based on the book, The War of Art, and I have stopped the video to make a comment before I am influenced by what you might say. I want to explain what I believe that resistance is. And its not likely your man will have come to my same conclusion. First let me create context; it is March 24, 2020 and we are in the midst of the Covid-19 outbreak. The world is in the throes of shutting down and moving into a global economy, a global world order, the so-called new world order so long anticipated as the stage for the final decision that each man must make as to whose side he will take (God’s OR self/Satan) and upon which side he will stand (life/death). Deu 30:19 I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live: Jos 24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. And I am sitting here thinking - what should I be doing now. Knowing that this was coming, knowing where this is going, what next in my little world? What next to do with my energy and focus and thoughts. I had prepared. But who can adequately prepare in the physical as this is essentially a move with underlying implications in the spiritual, what next for me. And I want to suggest that the resistance I feel - and perhaps other INFJ idealists feel within themselves - is a reluctance to begin when it is destined to fail - IF - capital I capital F - IF whatever action taken is not in concert with the overall plan. And in this case - since we are indeed in a war and if you perceive yourself to be a believer in the God of the Bible - any action taken or work begun would have to be in concert with His plan. If at this stage of our individual lives we are free enough within ourselves, we would have stepped away from the insatiable burden to succeed for self only, to make a name for ourselves. If we are there, then we will be able to sense also the purpose of the resistance. It holds us in check for a reason. The resistance is an awareness of the spiritual dimension - an awareness that we are powerless to change the terms of the conflict and that even though we find ourselves actors within it - we must be given direction in order to be effective and contribute something meaningful - our small contribution to advance the cause of either good or evil. We have a reluctance to act - or I do anyway - until i also sense that connection to His purpose for me - unless i have been given the authority to proceed and hence the power to do whatever it is I have been called to do. But however small the part, it must be done in concert with heaven’s plan and purposes. Otherwise it will fall short. The endeavors and activities and even the successes will become merely an advancement of self - of individual proclivities, giftings, and desires - unless what we do is tied into that greater mind we call God. I think INFJs are keenly aware of all this - subconsciously / unconsciously. As we lead with intuition, we are tied in. We are drawing from that great mind. And we are listening and waiting. And the resistance is overcome when we also see the path, our path. Surely other INFJs can feel this too. And surely there are so few of us because we are primarily actors in that other dimension. We are called to help other’s find their highest good; but we must also first find the path ourselves. So we will overcome that resistance when we are connected to Him. And when we are willing to share that sense of well being with others. Am I alone in this? I trust not.

Thank you so much for making these videos. Finally a group of people like me.

thank you for posting 😊 somehow this was exactly what I needed right now :)

Thank you for creating these videos. I greatly appreciate your humility. The material you share greatly resonates with me. Blessings!

I have just discovered your channel and in the first 3 videos I've watched, you've helped me with a lot of what I've been searching for ! I love the way you explain things. Thank you

Have listened to two of your videos on the way to work so far, and your channel may be my new favorite. Can relate to so much of what you talk about.

So grateful to have discovered you! Very helpful! Blessings.

You are amazing! I just started watching your videos and I am hooked....keep up the wonderful deep dialogues.

Thank you, Clay, it's encouraging and found valuable to me. Even if I have tons of ideas, this perfictionism thing holding me back. I think it is now time to take a step forward. Thank you!

This is the perfect time for me to hear this message. I need more freedom in my life!

Yes! I so relate to this, you really out things into perspective. I just kept saying "YES!"

Man I am so happy I found your videos this was like you jumped in my head and started taking info out everything you have said is me to a tee. Thank you for this video and can't wait to watch the rest of them. I'm an artist and I think that so many times I have stopped my Self from growing and actually selling my art. I would love to see an infj in business video what we're your struggles what kept you going so on and so forth. Thank you I love this stuff.

Your videos definitely make a difference and I'm so glad to have come across this channel ☺️🙌🏽❤️

thank god for you being here. thank you. helped me alot

Insanely accurate and insightful video, thanks

Thank you for sharing your knowledge Clay. I have really needed some kind of mentor insight from a more mature infj and I appreciate you filling in that gap. Love.

Thank you SO much!! I have been going to therapy because I do this! I don't think I'm special and feel worthless because i dismiss myself. My husband keeps telling me how talented I am at cooking and baking. Friends started telling me but I was just thinking, "anyone can do this. It doesn't matter." This Thanksgiving my mother-in-law came and was telling me my Thanksgiving meal and pies were amazing. I really have been disregarding myself not realizing i have talent! I teared up during this video. Thank you.

This just put so much into perspective, great way to start the year. Thank you. Doing two videos a day and it's been super beneficial.

This was so great. Thank you so much for making these... it's presented in such a way that makes me feel really much more comfortable about the next chapters and trying to figure it all out.

Great work Clay - I think we INFJ’s can find our freedom by realising that we are complex, we can be serious, playful and helpful - however, if you separate your many personalities, then just be one at a time, it minimises the emotional conflicts within us.

Thank you, Clay! This was more helpful than you may ever know! 😊

I love you! Thank you so much. What a relief to hear someone like me..

I’m recently found your channel and I’ve almost become obsessed with your INFJ information! Thank you for reminding me of a business idea I had a decade ago, that extends from research and inventions starting from childhood! Those are excellent questions. I get so much out of each of your multiple videos I watch.

This is one of the best infj video I've watched, I can relate so much!

Thank for sharing this topic Clay! I love it! It is quite enlightening watching this video. It is very helpful and inspiring. Please keep making these videos, more power!

The only thing that makes my heart beat is horses. They make me want to live. I feel my heart and when I am with them I feel understood 😌 thank you so much for helping us 🙏 I wish I knew all this stuff when I was younger 😌

Thank you for this. I really needed to hear this.

This was so healing for me. Thank you for your transparency and help 🙏🏾

Please keep putting these out. You are doing a great job helping to describe what goes on in our heads our how we rationalize alot of our behaviors at least in my case. Very relatable

Thanks Clay! You nailed it for me. Great advice.

Motivated! Will watch your other videos.

Your voice and the way you speak is so calming that instead of scrolling on my phone while a video plays, I actually focused only on your video.

Your authenticity is so refreshing. Thanks for making these.

What a beautiful, introspective video. I'm glad I came across it, and I will certainly be watching more, you clearly have a deep knowledge of being an INFJ, and some of your points could benefit others as well. I didn't realise some of those things about myself until you said them, and it's wonderful to have it put into words. Thank you for such a wonderful, thought provoking video!

You shifted my energy! You really helped me change my perception of myself in regards to my purpose. Thank you

Thank you! I appreciate you:) I'm glad I found your channel. I always thought my current profession of Special Education Teacher was my calling, but for years I have felt drained. Now I realize it's the freedom! piece I'm missing. Time to figure out how to branch out on my own:)

Thank you. For the past couple of months I've been experiencing a total lack of encouragement from anybody to pursue my painting career and caught myself beginning to doubt the purpose of this struggle - it's so easy to forget how blessed we are with our abilities. This material was just what I needed.

Clay, I love your videos so much, you do this very well. We have similar stories - I also loved music (used to carry my handheld recorder around as a child, recording songs and sounds) and photography from a young age, went to graduate school for documentary film, and have a knack for building websites. I actually signed up for SiteSell after your first video, built out a site, and then let it fizzle because of my perfectionistic tendencies which kept me from writing the content. I'm going to try again with a different niche as I found the program to be very valuable.... totally relate on the narcissist front as well. That's the first thing I thought of when you asked what we'd learned in the last few years that we wished our younger selves had known. You gave me a lot to think about with this video, love your clear presentation and thoughtful content. Spoken like a true INFJ. Thank you

Wow, very timely for me. I'm experiencing a lot of the INFJ pitfalls, and now I'm grateful to have some questions to move me forward. I was on the edge of making a life change anyway, and I think this video is giving me some clarity as to why intuitively I felt it was necessary. Thank you!