I do the opposite of this. Like I'll go out and buy dresses and pretty frilly low cut shirts, stuff that people around me expect me to wear. And it'll make me really uncomfortable and I end up barely ever wearing them and then I'll get rid of them. But I'll go out and get more a few months later.

I remember purging due to guilt but you just go out and do it all over again.Its very expensive and a waste of time.

I usually do this with my assigned-gendered clothing. I try to get rid of it, and then I have to keep some in case I need to be safe.

Dara, this made me cry, but not tears of sadness: tears of joy that you've shone light into a formerly dark place. Thanks for being magnificent!😊

Oh my god, this is almost scary how directly this relates to my experience 😅

Did it all the time till I not admitted who I was on the inside. When you get to a point in your life to where you do not care what others think, it is so much like freedom.

I've done that a few times over the years, wish i still had some of that stuff

yes i have purged a few times thinking i could stop . I always start up again and again and go deeper into this life style every time i start up

When I was in elementry school I often wore oversized shirts and jeans... partially because I was poor and that's what I had. I felt pretty comfortable that way. Then around 6th grade friends and family started pressuring me to dress more feminine, in middle school to show cleavage and look pretty for boys (which bothered me). The thing is, I was actually feminine just not it the ways society expected of me. And I did dress unconventionally to a certain extent but I think I still felt a lot of pressure or shame for not looking the way I was "supposed" to look... and didn't try a lot of more masculine clothes I actually would have liked to try.

This is interesting. I didn't know people went through this purging. Thank you for sharing.

I completely stumbled upon your page and now I’m so glad I did. I’ve listened to a couple of your blogs and find they are both interesting and informative. This one about The Purge helped me immensely. Thanks so much 💋

Best video on purging imo, very articulate, good work, thanks!

Thank you Dara for posting this. I’ve done this 3 times already, & thought I was the only person to do this. However, brighter days have arrived. Been talking to a therapist, & feeling more secure about transitioning.

@Terrilynn Cantlon - Not sure if you are referring to Kristen Beck, who I mentioned in the video? She was never my client, I got the information I shared from an interview she did with CNN.

Dara, thank you! I very nearly purged wigs and make up and a few other things today but I remembered seeing this video a few weeks ago and although I am increasingly sure that I will never (i'm 26, and life is long but i'm confident) transition I am comfortable (with your help) in keeping these things as a part of me. Why enter a vicious cycle when i can just breath and relax

I've so done this. Last time I purged was about three years ago when I learned from my ex that one of our kids was identifying as non binary. At the time I had trust issues with my ex and was afraid that she'd blame me for our kid's new gender identity. My fears have since proven to be ungrounded and I've begun acquiring new clothes. Thanks for your advice and the link.

I did this a lot back then. This was the time in my life i tend to call the "denial phase" were some part of myself probably already knew, but I was not ready to fully acknowledge my true identity. I knew that I prefered these clothes, but I also thought that I'm not allowed to like them. I felt shame for liking them and thought if I throw them away, this side of me would also go away. Of course, it did not happen. I did this so often and the feelings came back persistently. It took many years until I acknowledged that this is no temporary thing but this is just who I am. Soon after that I came out as trans to myself and this behavior of throwing away things immediately stopped.

You make so much sense to me .

That's like the opposite for me. I'll stay in my "guy clothes" until I feel guilty or unsafe about being trans and buy new "girly stuff" and when the episode is over I'll give them to my sisters

I started transitioning almost a year and two months ago, during the dumpster fire that was 2020. In late June 2021, I purged all the guy clothes from my wardrobe. It felt very liberating knowing I was in girlmode full-time. This was after I had my name and gender marker legally changed. There's no going back to that boymode hell for me.

Holy shit I have done this so many times in the past and didn't even know there was a name for it!

When I was a kid I wore girly and tomboyish clothes. I would play in the dirt one minute then have a tea party with my stuffed animals the next. I watched a wide variety of shows. I started to feel dysphoric when I hit puberty. It wasn’t that bad, so I tried to force it down. I wore really girly clothes, heeled boots, makeup, basically not me. My mom didn’t like the clothes I wore. When I was eleven I started self harming for a few months. This was in sixth grade. In seventh grade, things got a little worse. I continued to push it down. And I developed eating disorder tendencies. I’m now in eighth grade. I started self harming again, but I can’t keep hiding it. I stopped the girly clothes, I cut my hair to my chin and it’ll be shorter than chin length around my birthday in the Winter(as a gift). I can’t say anything though. I bought a bunch of boy clothes online and told my Mom it was for secret Santa. My mom won’t except it though, she describes trans people as gross, wrong, mentally disabled, and so on. My step brother told me when he brought up trans issues my mom said that if I was trans she would put me in a mental hospital. My dad doesn’t support it. My stepdad hates trans people, and after I came out as pansexual he jokes that I’m attracted to dogs, says pansexual isn’t a thing(only 2 genders,biological). I keep telling myself that it’ll go away, I try to feel comfortable in my body but it’s hard. My grades have dropped and I’m working hard to raise them so I can remain in NJHS. I want to go to high school in a different district and live with my dad. I feel like it would be easier if I left and started to transition at school without my family’s, or classmates knowledge.

I totally understand I have done this and yes it makes sense.

I was so confused when I saw the title of this! Like I'm from a history of disordered eating so my thoughts of purging is quite different!

This me most of my life I have been struggling with it for years

I learned the hard way that this doesn't really work. I remember my first regretful purge. It did feel good for a while I'll admit but only a few months later it came raging back and I had nothing. Built back up over a few years before my next purge to virtually the same result. My third and final purge came and I did what she suggested in this video. I just found storage and tried to forget about it. The only thing it accomplished was to take away the one thing that made me feel balanced and comfortable. Now I'm basically seeking transition, not sure how things will go as I believe I'll have little to no support but living this way just isn't working for me anymore (if it did in the first place). Even if you have to do so in secret find a therapist who can at least help you sort your feelings out.

Terrilynn... Dara is not talking about a client. They are talking about Kristin Beck, a public figure and former US Navy SEAL who has spoken very openly about being transgender. Kristin has a Wikipedia page and has done the media circuit. Talking about a public figure who is openly trans is not "outing" them. They're already out of the closet and ALL over the house. ;)

Yep I did this again because of recently Supreme Court and things said in comments of social media comments. And regretted it and can't find same items again. I hate feeling and going though this cycle.

I tried to pull myself together when I was crossdressers as a teenager.to surpress it.only it came back stronger I can't deny Mt true feelings no more.

I purged a few times over the years because I was so scared that someone might find out. The last time I did it was the last time I moved out. I also purged items that would hint at my sexual orientation. I was scared that people would find out that too. I regret it because all those things were expensive. I'm also a huge coward so going back to the store to buy them again was extremely hard for me. Luckily for me, every time I went shopping employees were very nice to me. In the end it might have helped me a little bit and made me less afraid. The more you confront your fear the more you get used to them. Now I understand my gender identity. I'm planning my coming out and my transition so hopefully no more purging for me.

Honestly I have purged a few times of some affirming clothes but mostly because of size or became too worn because I couldn't put them in with my laundry (lived with my parents) but minus those two conditions I did what she sugested and hid them in a variety of containers for years before I came out. Now they are just in my drawers and closet because they help with who i am.

I've always struggled with clothing, I grew up with pretty gender neutral stuff (pre-puberty) and really didn't have much "fashion" (I wore like tie-die and plain tees or ones with logos on them and jeans, really casual most of the time) but as I got older and fashion became more of a big deal in my mind, I had some girly things. I don't really fit into girlie things because they often have larger neck holes and lots of space for the chest (totally unnecessary for me). Anyway, before even having gender dysphoria, I have purged a lot of the girly stuff and bought more "boyish" clothes, but I actually haven't found that it matters if the article of clothing is for boys or for girls, I just want it to fit and feel good to wear! So that's my take on it, I've had to get rid of some things whether they got old or I didn't like them anymore, but I never do my shopping based on my gender anymore. And I suppose that's why I feel more gender neutral. Dysphoria can make you feel awful and guilty though, don't know how to really solve that, but putting away clothes for a time instead of getting rid of them probably would help a lot!

Went through so many cycles of this, I miss a lot of those clothes, but no more.

When I was in the Army I purged all the time. Sometimes hundreds of dollars worth of clothes. I would get a decent sized wardrobe and then I would move. Toward the end of my enlistment i was able to keep most of my clothes and other female things in a chest, but my command found it in an inspection and confiscated all of it. That really sucked, not only the loss of clothing but everybody in my unit knew, lost friends and all respect. That's why I got out.

I have several friends whom have purge a great deal. That in turn has lead to depression for them and that in turn suicidal thoughts. I was fortunate that I haven't been caught up totally in this cycle. The fact is I have more than enough other kinds of emotional baggage to keep me occupied in never ending cycles. The really good thing is my humor is intact and I can dull the painful edge of life's realities to substitute my own.

I have done so much purging over many, many years. So many pretty, feminine things thrown away. I am done with that....except in one regard. I purged all my male underwear and will never buy any ever again.. It just doesnt feel right to wear it. I just wear practical cotton panties day to day - its not about sexy lingerie just wearing normal everyday female underwear.I know where I'm heading now. Update. I've now "purged" ALL of my male clothing. Can't believe I actually use to purge my female clothing. I feel so much better now that I only wear female clothing. Always.

Oh wow! I know this all too well! Although I have only purged my girls clothes a few times over the 30 years that I've been collecting them. It is such an interesting subject for sure! When I was a kid, I was scared to death that my mom or someone else would find them. But I loved them, and loved the way wearing them made me feel more like myself. So I tried to keep them very well hidden. But then after a while, the guilt and shame and fear of getting caught might come over me, and I would get rid of them. The problem back then though, was that I did not have money to buy the clothes I liked to wear. They were old clothing items of my moms or sisters that I would find in our storage unit. So purging them sometimes left me later feeling sad about losing them, knowing I could not get them back. It was so amazing when I became an adult and moved out of my parents house, to finally be able to maintain my collection with no fear of anyone finding my skirts and dresses and things, and having my own money, and the amazing tool of Ebay to be able to buy such clothing in private with no one ever knowing.

Rather expensive thing to do, which often leads to regrets at losing things you liked wearing . Better to put them in the loft or as she says, give them to a trusted friend to pick up when this cycle passes over.

I used to buy feminine clothes out of guilt and fear, but it always makes me feel dysphoric so I stopped doing it.

Hi I actually thought that I'm alone who did a purge? Thank you for enlightening me that it is normal.

I used to purge but it got so expensive to have to keep buying all new clothes. Panties and bras get expensive. Now I have done the opposite, I have purged a lot of my men’s clothes and just wear women’s clothes as much as I can. The only men’s clothes I have is a suit for weddings, funerals and job interviews. Everything else I have is feminine and I love where I am at mentally right now.

This happened to me so many times. I referred to the items as contraband and when they were hidden in my room I had nightmares about being discovered so would purge then have regret soon after.

When I was younger I went through that all the time.then I needed them back.ihated going through that and I was on my own at that time of the7os80s icame out and I don't do it anymore I had some really nice stuff to

I've been doing this a long time.

I gave mine to my relatives, easier way to purge and I'm just happy they are using it. I gave them to my cousins, nephew and brother, and I get some clothing from my mom, the ones she no longer wear lol good thing I have a small body and I fit in her hand-me-downs, however, I still keep some guy clothing given by my mom in my closet, I can't let those go, they mean so much to me, simply because I love my mom so much :D Hehehehe shopping for a "girlfriend" lol been there, the tricky part is telling them that the gf's almost the same size as you and hope they won't jump in to conclusions and simply believe you lol worst thing has ever happened to me was my 2nd time buying panties, sales lady just went, "so your girlfriend is the same size as you? Maybe it was for you" then cracked an awkward laugh, needless to say, I never went back in there again.

5:30 Me: looks over at my box of feminine clothes at the bottom of my closet... Maybe I should hang those up haha

I purged a lot before telling people about my longing to transition

I haven't purged, but I do buy things, then hide them so I can't see them. Like boxers, binders, etc.

I thought I was the only one that did this.😓😓😓 I kept getting caught with it and threw it away and then went right back and not even a few weeks later bought them again because they made me feel so happy despite the shame I use to feel for it.

I tend to purchase feminine looking men's clothing, masculine looking female's clothing, & bi-gendered clothing. I like dressing Adrodgynously.

Ive thought about purging every time I buy something new. But I’ve always resisted and felt more guilt but I know I would regret it in the long run.

Sorry, I misunderstood. I have disabilities, so sometimes things hit me the wrong way. I have purged many times before I transitioned. As a trans woman i'm working on feeling safe enough in my own body and my own clothes. It's taken years. No harm no foul.

i have perged more than a few times in my 47 yrs, even when the items were purchased by my wife, she was angered by the purging because of her investment, but she is supportive.. lonnie

I have know reached the point were I go out and want to get caught or seen by people.to see if I pass or not or is it to do with my confidence I'm not sure.

Yes I did a purge and donated my old clothes to salvation army

i did this dressed the first time on holloween gave all my stuff to my nieces now im out though so only happend once for me

Can you do a video about being too scared to buy gender affirming clothing? It seems like a lot of work to dress as a woman. My mother asked me to buy her some panties, and I could have bought a package for myself when I was at the store, but chickened out.

It didnt go away!

I purge a LOT....it is hard for me to be full time because i am a truck driver...I've even been filmed while i was walking around in a truck stop. The guy didn't even try to hide it and made it obvious since he was laughing while he was moving his phone to follow my movements and im pretty sure it made it to KZfaq :( so safety is kind of a big concern. Also i purge because my wife and my religion are both not very supportive. I suffered a lot of abuse by my mother growing up both physical and mental. She would sew dresses for my cousins and since i was close to the same size and build i woukd have to try them on and she'd take pictures and when i was 14 She made me go to my sister's school halloween carnival dressed as a girl complete with wig makeup my sisters dress one of her bras and shoes. My wife suspects this and my mothers favoritism of my sister and my father's not standing up to my mother ever especially in my defense as why i am trans. I will probably never transition. And probably be another statistic. One day this will allll be over and maybe then i will be at peace

I learned to put it away....it's cheaper. waited to see and in time I was digging it all out and putting them back in the closet again. yeah...Kristen Beck! I did 20 years Navy 5/ AF 15...as an RN....even painted toes in my boots...panties sometimes under my uniform...

clothing has no gender though where would a 4 foot 11 tall slightly paunchy man get man cloths? if I were a man, or decide leggings and jeggings are not my thing anymore. is this more common in mtf? for those who like girly girl things? are jeggings really "a woman's thing"? sometimes I feel like I abuse my cloths or don't deserve a $80 shirt, so I get them from, I guess what is called fast fashion? and sometimes will just wear something untill it breaks (like some of my jeggings) this is an issue of culturally appropriate. a woman can wear leggings with a holiday theme, but a man? society will think it's weird.(especially if there are bulges that can be seen) I don't feel like I have much of a clothing identity and dresses are not my thing. I have skirts for "special occasions" or "i should look more girly" but I'm not feeling it I see so many people type out or their videos going on and on about their fashion choices and gender journey, and I just then feel like ":what is wrong with me? I guess I'm not much of a woman" I bought a mona Lisa cat shirt once, but only in a man's size. hot topic sold it as a men's. or sometimes the man shirts are cool. I once bought a boy shirt that was absurd, a unicorn in space, with a kitten riding the unicorn, the kitten was eating a pizza. but that is not "cross dressing" or "gender affirming" or sometimes these clothing things make me think "is there that much of gender affirming when it comes to sweat pants and sweat shirts? if I buy men's cloths they are oversized. if I were huge and tall, women's clothing won't fit right, and I'd need xxxl or something.

Before I came out as transgender I would go out and buy clothes and put them on ware them when no body was home except for my bras and panties I wore them all the time one day one of my sons ask me if I was wearing a bra I hurried up and change and put on a wife beater tank top and told my son no I would get scared and throw all my clothes with the trash within the next month I will go out and purchase new clothes did this for a couple years

Purged a few months ago because I was in a bad place and felt like it was a fetish

Are you a qualified therapist?

I call it splurge ‘n purge

My goal is to have 99% female clothing and only two pairs of men work out/gym clothes

This issue should probably be discussed with autogynephilic transgenders (which most trans are ) considered separately from old-school transsexuals. Different etiologies may lead to different manifestations. And of course, since this video was made, there is now a third category, that of Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria, which is mostly girls. It primarily hits around puberty and is fueled by social contagion and a fear of becoming a woman based on the growing violence and degradation of women in porn (which is now being seen by young teenagers) and the revamp of women being sexually objectified in media.

;)

Isn't it kind of unethical to use an example of one of your named clients publicly? I'm not a therapist, but as a trans person I'd be livid if my therapist was making videos and sharing my private stuff publicly on youtube?

This is all a bunch of nonsense this lady doesn't know what the hell she's talking about.