This video is like a demonitsation bingo

I get called a cuck online until people find out I'm black, then that C turns to an N real quick.

I've said for a long time: people who say things like, "Men and women aren't capable of being friends" are saying way more about themselves than society.

I personally loved your point about "it's so removed from me that it doesn't even feel like an insult". It's like being insulted by being called purple, you know?

Assigned married by the alt right

Steve Harvey also thinks that Asian male masculinity is a joke, so I’d say his hang-ups also go into weird racist areas in addition to the blatant misogyny.

"All I gotta do is cut out every emotionally supportive relationship in my life, go off my meds, lose all my safety nets, and turn my entire life ass-over-teakettle..." I'm sure it's *entirely coincidental* that describes exactly kind of desperately unhappy isolation that makes people most vulnerable to alt-right radicalization.

"I don't concern myself with the relationship models of people I'm not trying to make out with." Iconic. I'm stealing this for my own use

If i wanted to disapoint multiple people at the same time i would join a basketball team or something

The "I get what?" sequence really hit home for me. It's been hard for me to put into words how toxic masculinity doesn't just lash out at the prescribed Others 'n Lessers (🤢), but also robs the happiness of the people that buy into it. But this does it.

This is a weird comment maybe, but thank you for how you presented polyamory; it changed my perspective. I had a past partner try to open our relationship, using increasingly nasty tactics about how monogamy was inherently abusive and objectifying, cheating without prior discussion and getting mad when I was hurt... I mean you can probably imagine. It soured me on the whole issue even though I know intellectually that polyamory shouldn’t be like that and it can be a happy model for some people. Your comments about not ranking the relationship models and not pressuring others hit home for me. Idk, I know you don’t like to talk about more personal stuff, but the way you discussed this helped clarify some stuff that had kind of been eating at me since that relationship, and I appreciate it.

It's existential. They need everyone to "really" want the same thing, because that means everyone's competing over the same things, so "how much things you got?" gives them a quantitative way to know who sucks and who rocks. They would much prefer to suck than to not know what makes a person suck. "What do I get out of this?" is a very threatening question for them, because it implies there might not really be objective standards at all, and that's terrifying. Uncertainty and fear of chaos is 100% the driving force for the right. It characterizes them; Jon Jost's work is all about this. One time, in high school, they made us do this rock climbing thing in the mountains. Everyone else in my group climbed the whole thing, and I went last. I got halfway up, got stuck, and called down to the belayer that I was ready to come down. He refused to let me: he just kept yelling vague platitudes; "You can do it!" I could not convince him that the issue wasn't that I thought I COULDN'T, but rather that I didn't CARE, so expending the energy wasn't worth it. He just could not wrap his head around this, and he ended up getting really mad and stranding me halfway up the rock face for like ten minutes. I felt like I was going crazy. Like, I kept looking up and thinking "....but there's NOTHING UP THERE." (By the way, this is why I think failures of empathy among people on the right are motivated rather than them simply not doing it in the first place. Understanding different people means accepting you don't necessarily care about their shit and they don't necessarily care about your shit, and that's way too threatening.)

"Why would I waste my time arguing with that?" Put it on a shirt and take my money.

"Racism" "BOO!" "Misogyny" "BOO!" "Pornography" "Actually, let's see where this is going."

They are not trying to persuade you to adopt their ideology. They are pointing at you and telling their (potential) followers, ‘Look! Don’t be like him. If you do, we will abuse you as much as we abuse him.’ And it scares them that you can live such a well-adjusted life without their ideology. Those that privately message you have truly lost their mind to the ideology. There’s nothing tactical. They want to abuse you into their ideology, not persuade you into it.

PSA: a person close to me pointed out I used "female" and "woman" interchangeably and drew a category distinction between "men and women" and "trans people," which was a dipshit thing to do and I wish I'd caught it earlier. I was thinking of how Steve Harvey would categorize things and not taking the time to challenge those categories. Apologies.

I've always thought that how a person chooses to insult other people can tell you a lot about their own insecurities.

Basically they still think women are physical property, if not legally then morally

16:05. This seems like it might be a good time to point out that in the predominantly racist south, studies have shown that one of their most prolific porn engine searches is "interracial".

So much love for the "you would be DISASTERS" line. Agree entirely. How the hell would people so filled with jealousy, hierarchical thinking in every facet of life, "win-lose" mentality, and possessive inclinations manage multiple relationships without immediately becoming the most angry, frightened version of their already toxic self?

It occurred to me recently that the right comes up with a new term for "a man who treats women as anything other than subordinate" every few years. Back in 2013-ish they were calling everyone "white-knights", a few years later it was "betas", as mentioned they've been using "cuck" since around 2016, and then in the last year or so suddenly everyone is a "simp". I've got two theories for why this is, and the truth of it is probably a mix of the two. Firstly, I think it's just a plain ol' case of semantic satiation. These words are essentially right-wing memes, and like all memes they've got a very short lifespan before it stops being funny to the people spreading it and, arguably more important in this instance, before it stops being insulting to the people it's lobbed at. My second theory is that it's a sort of rebranding, like how the far-right are constantly inventing new labels for themselves as soon as one of them drops the mask too soon. Similarly I think people start adopting new terms for essentially the same idea when people start to catch on how ridiculous the previous one was. E.g. I feel like "beta" being much less common these days is because it's become more widely known that alpha-beta pack structures only occur in captivity, and one too many chuds got told that they're calling themselves a zoo animal.

The whole "how much do you care about what other people do in thier sex life" being its own part of the fascism-scale is so correct and this basically is the perfect example for it

As someone who was for a long time in the thought space of these people and drank a lot of that Kool-Aid, I'll give you what my thought process was: "Yes, destroy all your support structures, relationships and your entire life. Because then you'll be lonely and angry and depressed. Just like me. If I have to feel like a failure for not living up to my ideal of masculinity, then so do you"

“I think a lot about Steve Harvey’s man card.” This needs to be in an out of context leftist montage. Preferably right now

Just a few days ago I was thinking how “cuck” seems to have been replaced fully by “simp” in terms of common online insults, and now this appears.

"He's more scared of brood parasitism than cell phones", GOD what an amazing and funny line!

When I was a little boy, my mother often told me that if I didn't kiss the girls my lips would all go moldy.

"keep a leash on your woman"? These people don't even see women as real people, the way they talk. What right do they have to say anything about relationships?

The "reenactment" on the screen confused me and for a second I thought Ian was dating/married to Jameela Jamil.

I may not be polyam, trans, or nb, but seeing someone finally accurately describe the behaviorstyle of the far right is quite illuminating. Thank you for allowing me to be able to see more of their mindset and just how different it is from ours.

Wow, that's a really good point. If you're a healthy human being, you can actually say, "I need monogamy to feel respected and loved," and expect your partner to respect that. And find it valid to call them on it if they don't. You don't need a system or a community to back your complaint. You don't need absolutes to vilify the action in all cases. You can handle saying you're not comfortable with an open relationship if your partner asks, and if you decide to try it, you can still call your partner(s) out if they disrespect you or your relationship. You can just focus on the emotional betrayal of a romantic partner doing something you agreed not to do. And you can stand firm, even if the other person is like, "Oh, come on! All the cool kids are doing it." Because what anyone else is doing in their relationships isn't the point. But if your whole identity revolves around being unemotional, stoic, and logical, then you don't have a very good argument against that stuff you don't like other than, "It's bad and evil." If your whole identity revolves around how others see you, especially other men, if all the other men start doing something that makes you uncomfortable, then again, your only argument is "It's bad and evil." If you base your identity on women's willingness to let you dominate them and control their lives, when they just laugh in your face, your only recourse is to demonize the woman and her behavior. If you have to pretend that you're always "logical" and in control of your emotions, if you can never be sad or hurt about anything other than how liberals are ruining "your" country, then you can't protect your personal emotional boundaries without insisting they're universal.

"And in return I get... what?" I come back to this video for that part. This is a great question to ask when your analyzing your world view.

As a monogamous person, I dont necessarily "get" polyamory, but I feel like I'm open minded enough to understand that I dont need to "get" it. If y'all are happy and no one is being hurt, its none of my business what you all are doing.

Jenny Nicholson has this old video about how the dark side in Star Wars sucks and how there's basically no good reason to join it ever. Everyone is always scared of everyone else, 'cause everybody below you might kill you for your spot in the hierarchy, and everyone above you is scared of YOU for the same reason. And everything you ever achieve just goes up the pyramid directly to the top. And yes, the Jedi have all these rules about keeping your feelings in check, but the only feeling the dark side ever allows itself to have is anger, so they're not even better on that front. Needless to say everything she says (except for the stuff about ghosts and cloning) maps very cleanly onto the alt-right.

The absolute worst and lowest moments in my life came from dating a girl who wanted to be in an open relationship to justify cheating on me. Uhhh... lemme clarify that: She wanted to break up with me because she had a crush on someone else, but rather than just say that she approached me about being open and went off with the other guy while I was still thinking about it, assuming that I would say yes and that would retroactively justify going behind my back about it. Anyway, the fear of being cheated on and manipulated? That's stuck with me even to my current relationship. But that's a shitty person doing a shitty thing. Somehow I've managed to have the worst fear of the idiots thrust upon me and still managed to not blame women or polyam people because one person was shitty.

You nailed it at the end there: These guys are mortified of having their partners cheat on them, not for fear of broken hearts, but because they somehow think “losing control” of their wives will make them “unmanly”.

Don't let conservatives discover harem anime. :3

outro music is The Louisville Shuffle (RIP) by Sarah and the Safe Word, btw

Got an ad after this video. "If you want to know if your man is cheating, use this website." Made me chuckle.

Honestly with a lot of alt-right guys, they see women, lgbt+ people, and more left leaning men throw off traditional gender roles and come out happier for it. And when they’re made unhappy by those same systems they don’t seek to join us in letting go of those ideas, they just insist we have to be as miserable as them.

This is going to be yet another "as a poly person, I'm so grateful you made this" kind of comment, but honestly -- thank you so much for this video.

“I’ve never been married.” Icing on the CAKE

About the only thing this video misses- which is a shame, because it's fundamental- is that cuckoldry as a concept only makes sense if women are PROPERTY. Which tells you all you need to know about what conservatives think the proper role of women in society is.

i never realised how much Sargon wished he was Nick Offerman

Honestly, most arguments that have Steve Harvey as the source can prolly be ignored

Just saying, Steve Harvey is a perfect case study for the Black community's huge problem with toxic masculinity. He's not a special case unfortunately

Like I always say, if there's ever a housing shortage, it's good to know you can live rent-free in their heads. "Ah, that place where the cerebrum would otherwise be...Great place for a futon."

As a former mental health nurse: please, please, please don't go off your meds. Interesting video. Lots to think about.

As a poly person, this is the most validating video I've seen in a while. You are a legend.

11:37 They went to the second page?! You must really piss them off because that's way more work than usual.

"what a minority wants but the majority will tolerate" this is so true, being apparently the only Hentia consumer with zero tolerance for scenes of a girl randomly urinating for no reason, this issue bugs me quite a bit.

When I hear about somebody being happy in a situation that wouldn't work for me I think "freedom, baby."

"Boys, from the bottom of my heart...No You Should Not. You would be D I S A S T E R S." -has to pause video because I'm wheezing- Perfect. Too much truth.

7:45 So, I noticed that on the right everything has to be either banned or mandatory. I want to live in a free society where everyone can choose their own lifestyle. I want to allow rightwingers to LARP being in the middle ages if they want to, even if I don't like it. But no, if they don't like something, that has to be banned, if they like something, that has to be mandatory. They don't accept "it is allowed" or "it is optional".

"They're afraid of polyamory getting normalized, of people they want to date asking them to consent to things they're not comfortable with, and getting shamed as relics of the past if they refuse." Bingo. And honestly? As a person who's in favour of letting people have their sexuality in whatever way they want, who has polyamorous friends who I respect, who hates these alt-right assholes you're talking about, and who's a fan of yours? I can relate. I've had very few relationships. I've found dating to be terrible and stressful. I'm in a very happy relationship now, we're likely to get married sometime in the near-ish future, and I trust her deeply. But part of the reason I can trust her is because I know she, like me, has deeply ingrained expectations of monogamy and faithfulness on both parts of the relationship. Marriage and monogamy isn't about "possessing" someone, at least to me: it's about being able to _relax_, knowing that as long as we keep being kind and attentive to each other, we'll work our way through any issues and rough patches that come up. When it comes to marriage, it's about knowing that we'll both put in that effort because _we made vows to each other_ and because _those vows matter_. You describe polyamory as "just dating", but that's the thing: being in permanent "dating" mode would be a _nightmare scenario_ for me. And although I don't worry about myself or my partner, at least not anymore, I do worry about what will happen to guys who are _like_ me, if polyamory expands beyond its niche and becomes more common. I found it difficult enough to date in the first place. That need for monogamy is something that I feel as strongly about as my _sexual orientation_. Polyamory becoming common would mean someone like me would be taking a _hard pass_ on more and more potential partners, and I can even see them coming to a point where they decide it's not worth even trying anymore. It's a hard balance to strike, since I _don't_ want to shame people who are comfortable in their polycules, but the whole idea behind it is really hard to shake and it makes me very unlikely to come out in support of broad poly acceptance. I can definitely see how people with a bit less discipline would get suckered in and radicalized by these right-wing commentators.

This was probably intentional but I love how he ends the 17 minute video stating “Why would I waste my time arguing with that “

I've never understood that approach to masculinity. "A true man does whatever he wants! But only if it's activities we approve of". "Go your own way but only if it happens to go in the same direction as ours". So much insecurity and close-mindedness - and hypocrites, all of them.

Other thing I've seen a lot of this people think and actually do is cheat on their partners because "One woman is not enugh for a macho man", and they see it as normal and natural, while, if their partner cheated on them, it would be the end of the world

"Am I supposed to believe they're happier than me?"

There is a segment of the population who worships strength, to the point where all virtues are *defined* as "strength." They are deathly afraid of moving down any socially-recognized hierarchy, and you (Ian) just being yourself and happy *theoretically* threaten that. Just the theoretical threat is enough.

"I cut out every emotionally supportive relationship in my life, and in return I'll get what?" SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

My monogamy is not really a testament to my husband's manhood. I just prefer to not deal with a bunch of people. I have a lot of responsibility and trying to take care of a child, disabilities, and be a wife is hard enough without having to take on the responsibility of maintaining other romantic relationships. In other words I have no spoons left and I need a nap.

The Nick Offerman voice was so well done I thought it was actually him talking when it was just general statements.

The way that people choose to insult comes from someones own fears. It’s absolutely a fear of being cheated on. Which says a lot about the security of their relationships.

"I don't argue with strangers on the internet, if you want a debate either become my friend or come meet me in person" -me

...y'know, somehow I completely missed the connection between the pattern of black men's bodies being hypersexualized (see e.g. goddamn Cards Against Humanity), the "they'll take your women" scaremongering, and the whole cuck thing. I learned something awful today and I'm a little sad but the world makes more sense. Also the point about "what a vocal minority wants and the majority will put up with" is a good one - that applies to a lot of media.

I love how he kind of breaks into tiny laughter when he says “polyamory is good because sometimes it’s alpha” like the pure silliness broke him and I love it.

It's almost like their desire to justify the hierarchies that they're a part of make them really fragile when presented with something alternative.

"(...) insulting me as a form of self-talk and in-group solidarity." Soo.... virtue signalling.

“White supremacy has got them stereotyping black men into being everything toxic masculinity says they should be” *pauses to laugh out loud at the delicious irony*

this font is nice, makes me feel at home

As soon as someone goes on about a "man card" I immediately hear "my masculinity requires external validation."

I know other people are saying it, but as a polyam (and, incidentally, trans and nb) person, it's just so refreshing to hear about people like me.

I don't think that using Nick Offerman as a stand-in for the internet beardos is very fair, to Nick Offerman. He's talented and successful and they never will be.

I recently went through a breakup caused in part by my partner wanting to be poly. I tried, but I found out I didn't have that kind of emotional capacity and there's still a lot of insecurities I would have had to let go of to make it work, and I'm not ready for that yet. I didn't feel comfortable forcing a poly person to be monogamous, so we had to part ways. Both of these things are valid, it's a matter of what you feel you can do. I think there's no shame in being poly, it shows that your thinking is less organized around tradition, maybe you feel more secure, maybe less, who knows. Poly is just another type of thing to be, just like mono. There's no shame in being mono, it just means you might prefer a more one-to-one type of relationship. Don't shit on people for no reason

13:10 the sheer spite in the delivery of "your respect?" gives me life

I've again managed to get into the comment section before the first conservative comes in to cry "strawman" and then immediately runs away.

This pretty much hits the nail on the head. I am very monogamous. Whenever polyamory is brought up I can't help but imagine it as him/her ranking their partners "They have to have a favorite". That would make my insecurity flare up like a light show

Goddamn, dude. This video was like a pipe-bomb with an 11 minute fuse that blows up into words "No u, i'm happy". By no means a criticism, I genuinely enjoyed this.

I very much appreciate the simplicity of the 'that's Ed' joke, makes me giggle every time. I also very much appreciate how slowly and clearly Ian talks, to the point where I couldn't really notice any mistakes in the auto captions, which is an extremely rare occurrence, so thanks dude.

Almost all hate groups share one common factor: misogyny. It’s the first step you have to trip down to start hating others. Hate groups use extreme language about “our women” and “our children” being threatened to create fear and outrage - not for their safety, but for the lost dignity and ‘honor’ of in-group men. From there, critical thinking and other higher functions *literally shut down in the brain* and you can lead any fool by the nose to do whatever and hurt whoever you want.

As an anime fan, I want to say that having the recommended videos on the alt right video all be anime pics was masterful. I hate what my community has become in the eyes of so many. Please keep fighting the good fight.

As someone who recently discovered she's polyam I found this video not only informative and entertaining like all your others, but also really comforting. It's nice to see real polyamorous people existing, especially because they can be hard to find in real life.

The "happiness is for cucks" part reminds me of the nofap and MGTOW parts of the manosphere.

Paleolarping is the funniest thing I've ever heard

"Sometimes a cigar is just a metaphor for obsession with other peoples genitals." - Sigma Fraud

I love it! That bit at the end where you point out that you're not married! You didn't mention if any of your partners are married (and I'm not asking), but I had a brief vision of Walter White shouting: "You think think of me? I AM THE ONE WHO CUCKS!"

Oh my giddy aunt I lost it at the Worms voice clip!!!

IM DYING WITH LAUGHTER!!! “... Boys, from the bottom of my heart... No You Should Not. You would be DISASTERS” It’s so true too, no one wants them to even try being poly. Whenever they try to force it, because they’ve got a bisexual girlfriend and they think the IDEA of a three-way relationship is sooo wonderful for them, it always ends in jealousy and their fragile egos being smashed.

"But as Khloe acquires a taste for black man, will things go too far?". Who could possibly forget singular "black man" and everything he does for his partner? I could barely contain myself while writing that quote.

I used to be polyamourous and became monogamous with a particular partner. I used to believe we're wired a certain way but like sexuality, sometimes it can be fluid, and both ways are valid.

I remember getting called a cuck when I entertained the idea of dating a single mom a few years ago. I'm at the age where it's sorta inevitable, and lots of rural areas sadly families start very young. It's not like she had four kids from three dads or something messed up, just one from a guy that lied about his marital status and she called it off. Cuck has been the goto turn for them to use to make other guys feel bad. OH! Also wanted to add, I've known white dudes were very hostile towards me as a young adult, especially around their girlfriends. I've always had this suspicion and every white guy I talked to laughed it off, but yet I catch them complaining if their wife or girlfriend even looks at a darker skin person. But the fact that they make porn of it? HA!

Perhaps subconsciously, I have been guilty of harbouring the stereotypes you called out here. I'm glad to have been given the opportunity to address that about myself.

As a married bi poly man who spends an inordinate amount of free time getting called a "cuck" for demanding socio-economic justice online, and whose wife's boyfriend (on whom I have an unrequited crush) is the only person we've had over for months because virus, I feel this video.

I have encountered internet comment wierdos that A) believe Polyamory is eroding Manhood.. and B) worship Harem anime a little tooooooooooo much. Which, yikes

I’ve always found the terms “cuck” and now “simp” to perform both weird and interesting functions in internet discourse. Most of the places where I travel on the internet I see both terms being appropriated in an ironic way to convey a joke or create an “in-culture”, in the same way people appropriated the term “nerd” and transformed it into something else. See: “The Hippo Saga” It seems that on the internet, the intent and the association of the person saying the word radically changes the word’s uses and meaning.

As a polyamorous person, I highly enjoyed this because you speak SO much out of my heart with SO many things. The framing of polyamory itself, priority mechanics (or lack thereof), the perspective of conservatives on it - hell, even that most of your friends are women or non binary (-> not cis men) is literally my life. High five to some mutual core life values and perspectives dude.

So I've gotta admit -- the part where Ian talked about men being terrified of polyamory because they couldn't "control" their partners, and that they would lose them if that "control" was lost? I felt that. Which is why I think and thought polyamory wasn't for me. But now this video rather got me thinking that maybe I should address this fear with therapy instead of just thinking polyamory isn't for me. I mean, it still might not be for me, but me dealing with my insecurities can't be a bad thing.

You are spot-on on the fear factor of the special brand of monogamy the right promotes. Hell, I've been poly for like three years now, I've never been even right leaning, but as an autistic weirdo with self-loathing issues, I do still feel it from time to time. Even though I am more loved, accepted and supported now by my partners than I ever was before. That's how pervasive toxic masculinity is. It's insecurity made manifest. These people need help.

Still one of my favorites on your channel. When I first watched it, I had been examining my own masculinity and the toxic aspects of it for a while. And it put one of the final nails in the coffin. I have accepted myself as polyamorous now. And god damn am I glad I have.