If god wanted me to be an adult WHY WASN’T I BORN AN ADULT?!

It implies that the person did this on purpose just to hurt the parent. It also implies that the pain they will go through (the parent) will be worse than the trans person’s pain which invalidates them. This response can also make the person feel incredibly guilty.

My brother is trans. The funny thing about his story I absolutely love. For the basically the entire pregnancy, the ultrasound tech and doctor kept telling my mom she was having a boy, a boy, a boy. So day of delivery, the nurse goes: so what are you gonna name your girl?! My mom goes: "seth, what are you talking about??" Turns out the tech and doctor were wrong. But, now that hes trans, we joke the doctors were right all along 😂

My mom said this stuff. You know, after she told me that we would work through it all together and she would love me either way. She told me I wasn’t allowed to go by my chosen name or pronouns yet because she wanted me to make sure I was absolutely ready and also talk to my therapist about it. So she made me come out to my therapist, who supported me. Since the therapist supported me, my mother said there was a misunderstanding and almost took my therapist away. My therapist ended up “agreeing” with my mom apparently. Eventually I got tired of the waiting game and came out to my friends and eventually the school caught on. However i go through a lot of dysphoria due to being unable to cut my hair (mom told me I would look ugly) and eventually my mom caught me going by jasper at school after she told me not to. I got yelled at for hours, and she threatened to pull me out of school or move away. Everything was “I gave you the name ___ and it’s SO disrespectful to ME that you want to change the name I gave through after going through the pain of bringing you into this world” and stuff like that. It was all about her, even when I broke down crying she still yelled at me. I had a panic attack when she was finally done and she punished me and told me how angry she was at me for going by jasper because it hurt her feelings and she said that she “knows im not trans” and that “im just trying to fit in because my friends are trans” I met those people after I came out to her. If I wanted to fit in I wouldn’t go through the daily bullying from my classmates because I go by Jasper. I can’t wait to move out of this hell house.

The way i came out to my mom was asking her “how would you feel if i changed my name?” And she said “well, what did you have in mind? You wouldnt have asked if you didnt have a name picked” I told her my chosen name and she thought it was the coolest name ever and has supported me ever since. (Shes a nurse who wants to work with other trans people in gender affirmation care because she thinks the whole thing is so cool.) I wish everyone that kind of love and support. Stay safe everyone.

I'm not really sure how my mom would react (due to her not being here anymore), but when I came out to her framed picture, I had good dreams that night.

I came out to my mum as being trans and she literally turned it into a guilt trip on me saying a bunch of shit like “oh but when my brother died I lost my light then when you were born as my first daughter my light came back your not a boy your my little *insert dead name* you saying your a boy and that your name is your dead name really hurts me it’s like I had another child die your my princess how could you do this to me” Me a 17 year old who for the past 6 years had figured out my identity and who I am: 🧍🖕🕴️👻 And now I live 16 hours away from her at my dads house who is super supportive of me and my decision like my mums younger brother and mum who she disowned as family respect me more then she does

“If GoD wAnTeD mE tO diE, tHeN wHy WaSn’T I bOrN dEaD?”

Why even be a parent if your only gonna have a “me! me! me!” mentality?

As a parent, I can't even fathom responding in this way. Whenever your kid speaks to you about anything the first response is always love, acceptance and a promise that you'll always be in their corner. Regardless of the subject! If your parents didn't respond this way for you please hear this from me. 'You are loved and accepted and you always fit with us, our love for you is constant, it has no limit. I'm so glad you shared this with me, I'm so fucking proud that you're my kid!'

I'm scared to tell my parents I'm bisexual because I'm scared of them disapproving me. I told my parents and they were supportive

You have the most soothing voice. I love your straightforward clarity and support for queer folks. As a parent who took UEARS to come to terms with the fact that my "precious daughter" was NOT a girl? That's MY issue, not theirs. That's MY thing to deal with, NOT to put on them. They have more than enough to work through and process and learn to love about themselves and determine what form of expression best suits them and celebrates their beautiful self. MY adjustment to who they truly are is MY JOB to do with myself and others who are NOT my awesome kid, who doesn't need extra pressure from me.

She really said no Taylor Swift, I’m not the problem, it’s not me.

I got the “oh it’s just a phase” If you got the same thing 👇

My child came out to me when they were 7. My response was " H&M is having a sale on sundresses, Do you want to go get one?" That was a healthy response I think. It was not about your Mom or how she feels. She is the adult and you were the child. You needed and deserved her support. She dropped the ball. As a side note, I later came out as Nonbinary. Seeing my child blossom gave me the courage to be my authentic self too. I think some people who are Trans that were shamed into staying in the closet by thier parents,can get very sensitive when they see the younger generation be the brave ones. It's very scary.

If i have a daughter that comes out to me as trans, i wouldn't have a daughter. I would have a son.

When I first came out, one of my first real conversations with my mom about it was in a meeting between my school counselor, my mom, and myself. She made it clear my transitioning was going to heavily affect her and how she felt so emotional about it, almost as if she hadn't shut me down when I had a breakdown over my family, who I had been out to for a month, kept misgendering me over the explanation of "It's going to be hard for your newborn brother". It's been five years, and even though my mom is now supportive of me and has been, I always remember how she hurt me over how she helped. We remember how people have pained us over everything because it's a lot of our experiences. Parents seem to not think about how we hurt when they feel entitled to who we are as people.

As a Christian that’s Bi, god doesn’t make mistakes and he made you that way for a reason. Even if you’re parents don’t see

I just told my parents I was *questioning* my gender identity, didnt even come out yet, and they did similar to this. I feel like the parents that do this take it as a personal attack, or that "youre killing their baby (insert agab here)", or any number of things. I recognize that it can be hard for the parents to adjust and get used to, but you're still you, you're the same person, just now you're being truly yourself, and its hard for the parents to see that sometimes if they dont understand or if they are afraid or worried you might "be going down the wrong path". its a problematic behavior that can hurt your relationship more than you being trans will hurt it. I have a sister that I'm really close to, and if anything, this has just strengthened our bond. to anyone that reads this, I know your pain. You'll get through it, you are valid and worthy of every good thing in this world

My youngest is trans and I love him no matter what!

Classic parent believing their child is a mini version of themselves and is their property rather then a separate, living thing with their own thoughts, feelings and opinions.

I came out mid fight with my mom and I thought she wouldn't except me but now, my mom calls me by my name, is doing research about it, and is getting me a binder soon 😁

Oh my mom said all those things to me when i came out as nonbinary

I came out to my mom as a lesbian (at the time I was, now I'm aroace) and she simply said “oh.” in a monotone voice. She never really did or said anything to make it clear if she supported it or not but she did start hypersexualizing me a lot whenever women came around, whenever a female character came up on screen she'd ask me to rate them and ask if I would date them or have sex with them if they were real. And whenever I brought up my friends who were girls she'd get in this weird mood and talk in a condescending voice asking if I was dating any of them and made jokes saying that I'd make out with them behind the bleachers at school. Now she completely ignores anything to do with love or my sexuality whatsoever. Definitely was a weird experience.

Your kid being Trans is 👏 NOT 👏 ABOUT 👏 YOU. 👏 Just be respectful and supportive of your kid. HOW IS THIS HARD?

If my future kid said they were trans I would be like:✨GRAB MY KEYS WE’RE GOING SHOPPING AND IDC WHAT YOU GET LETS GO ALREADY✨

Key word "ME" she is more concerned about herself

Main issue: she said "why would you do this to ME". Nothing is being done to the parent. The child is still the same child, just in a more comfortable position. For anyone to say that someone else's comfort is hurting them is self-centered bc that persons decision is not hurting them. Also: the child even said that they've tried other things so it's not a random spur of the moment decision. It was thought through and can't be helped that the kid feels this way. Also, Also: no parent should ever automatically resort to yelling and blaming. Period

That way, a parent makes you feel like you made a mistake. That it's your fault that you don't feel ok. Victim blaming. Being trans is neither a mistake nor your fault! Stay strong :)

I am not trans, but even before i came out as gay my mom and dad had said that would be okay with anything, and that felt so safe. I am still so grateful

it’s almost like when parents say they love their children unconditionally, the child expects that they’ll be loved no matter who they are. if you’re going to hate your kid for being something other than what you have pictured in your mind, congrats, you love the child as an extension of yourself. NOT the person they are.

It implies the parent's comfort is more important than the kid's, as well as it's guilt tripping out the wazoo. It's the same level of not okay that it is when my mom tells me that it feels like I'm telling her that her little girl never existed/died when I talk about things that I'm figuring out from my childhood. For context: I have DID and I've been trying to open up more about the things I face day to day with it with my family. Also (most likely) trans or at least nonbinary and uhhh welllll there's a reason the only people I've asked to use he/him are my sister and my younger cousin.

My mother said something very similar to this when i accidentally came out as gay. She ignored me for three days, it’s almost been a year and we haven’t spoken of it. She doesn’t even know that i’m probably trans (ftm) yet. If you are going through this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There is love, and peace. And i am so proud of you for making it this far

"I was born a boy, but nobody told me so I had to figure it out on my own."

Before you hang parents out to dry, remember that homosexuality was still considered a mental illness up until 1974. So those of us born in the '60's grew up in a different world.

Fun fact: it’s been scientifically proven trans people exist :3 Edit: wow- okay- my replies are VERY controversial- but tysm for the 310 likes!

What a lot of people do not know, is that being transgender is for some people that they have (if it's ftm) a female body but a male brain. It's not just a thing we can get over, because those are feelings and you cannot just change how you feel.

To that mom: Gender is a social construction!!!! Gender is just a way for humans to define other humans!!!!

GOD. DOESN’T. MAKE. MISTAKES which is why you should be loved and accepted no matter what. Many people’s goal is to be like Christ and he loves unconditionally so why shouldn’t we? 🏳️‍🌈❤️

Whether or not you are trans or gay or bisexual or any other member of the LGBT+ community, It is YOUR body, YOUR life, so they should focus on seeing you as their child that they raised and not an alien.

People (parents especially) usually have a very hard time understanding an actually very simple concept: IT'S NOT, ABOUT YOU. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

If my future kid comes to me and says "im trans" i would be soo proud❤🎉

If after hearing that someone wants to hear a good comming out story to feel like the world is less shit: I cam out to my mom twice as bi and as nonbinary, my mom has next to no knowledge on queerness and I live in a pretty queerphobic country (not an illigal kind, but very, no rights, and spreading misinformation and fear mongering on national tv kind) and I was sobbing both times, but both times, because I didn't know if this isn't gonna be "too much" and "making stuff up" for her this time, but my mom just hugged me and told me that she loves me, and doesn't care, and just wants me to be happy, and I can do what I want (she was concerned about my plans on top surgery, because she didn't know what that is and if it's safe, but ai explained everything and she's totally ok with it now). I love my mom. Not every parent is terrible. My mom is 62 years old, and from the country we are from and yet she can still be accepting and loving, so if you were loosing your hopes, know that there are people out there of any age who will care for you, and who won't hate you for existing ♡♡♡

my mum is 100% like this. she doesn’t want me being anything but a girl and with the amount of times that i’ve come out to her, she still doesn’t understand me. it’s like she doesn’t want me to be happy and to be myself

I came out to my mom as trans, and she took it well. However, when I was ID as nonbinary, she said "she" chose my name (however, my father was the one to name me). She made me feel guilty that I was going by a different name. I later went from a nonbinary person named Kye, to an enby who went by then name Benjamin, and finally a trans dude named Benjamin.

This made me think of the time i told my mom that her transphobia towards me was really harmful and she told me, and i quote, "you being trans is worse for me than it is for you". Ive been no contact for a year now and say i only have a dad, no mom.

When I came out to my mom as nonbinary she said but you won’t be my little girl anymore But when I came out to my dad he said I had a feeling

Because, your child's health, should matter more than your biggoted opinion. If your own child isn't happy and is mentally in pain, you should do something about it, try to understand, talk to them, you shouldn't react like that. Your child's happiness matters more than your beliefs and religion. If you want to be a good parent, listen to your kid,have a conversation with them, talk it out. You are the mature adult here, act like one. And if you're saying stuff like "basic biology" biology supports trans people. And there was never 2 sexes.gender and sexes are different. And if you say stuff like "they brain washed you !" Trans people have existed since the dawn of time. We have proof of trans people existing in -2000 b.c. And if transitioning socially (or medically at some point, if your kid is sure about it, it's also reversible, so even if they don't feel like transitionning, they can always go back.) Makes them happier, do it. What is there to lose ?

the response was perfect. you're not ok.

When talking about stuff like this you always have to remember that you only hear about the bad parents. There are lots of supportive parents out there.

My mother broke my trust completely and left a mental wound that will never fully heal because she practically forced me to come out to my dad when I was NOT ready. She threatened to tell him herself even though I asked her to let me do it when I was ready and even explained that I was scared, but she still refused to listen. I don’t tell her anything anymore and she still wonders why. I don’t have a problem with not wanting to keep secrets from your spouse because you’d feel guilty but I asked her beforehand if I told her would she tell him and she lied to me.

Goodness I’m so sorry to hear that. I went through something similar when my friends outed me to my mother. I was 16 and she had a mental breakdown accusing me of lying to her my whole life and that I was someone she didn’t even know. Then was kicked out because she felt unsafe, and thought this would make me “get [my] 💩 together.” It made things worse, but I’m doing the best I can now at 24 with my husband and our little family of cats ❤

My mum was just like " IT'S BECAUSE U WATCHED HEARTSTOPPER, YOU'RE NOT ABLE TO WATCH HEARTSTOPPER ANYMORE" and then I said " I WAS TRANS BEFORE HEARTSTOPPER BUT I WAS IN THE CLOSET"

i would like to say i am not american but my reaction would be i accept you as you are and i will support you to the best of my ability and i would be happy if we could find a way to deal with this together. why is it so difficult for so many no one expects you to be an expert you have to show support and willingness to learn

The answer as to what's wrong with this is pretty damn simple. Anytime anyone comes to you with an issue about *THEMSELVES* , *any* issue, its about *THAT PERSON* not about *YOU* 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

It's not about the patent. It is about loving and supporting your child. The world is hard enough, we need to give our children 100% support.

Its not about the parent, parent needs to chill and learn how to love their child better. No wonder child wasn’t okay

Because it makes the child (not necessarily by age but by relationship) responsible for the parent's emotions. It also implies that being trans is a bad thing and that the child chose it and did it to hurt the parent. The parent is putting their feelings, their want for validation from the surrounding community for having "ideal" and "normal" children, (edit to clarify: ideal and normal refering to impossible standards of not having any health issues and not being part of any minorities and not having healthy developmental traits of kids being kids because adults find those traits annoying or embarrassing, such as asking questions, talking without being spoken to, playing, making noise, having needs and wants) first over the child's psychological needs for freedom of identity and a sense of belonging and safety. Under no circumstances should wants be more important than needs.

If your child tells you they're suffering and you respond by screaming at them and asking why they're 'doing this to you', you are an awful person and not ready to be a parent. You don't even have to be pro-science or pro-trans to know that getting angry at someone who is going through something is wrong.

If my future kid told me they were trans I would say “Get in the car. We are shopping right now for new stuff for you. And me”

I'm so sorry that you (and all my trans/LGBTQ+ friends in the comments) have to deal with that. Just know that I am here for you as a friend, and you are accepted within my heart and walls. Remember, the first part of acceptance starts with yourself. You are worthy, you are valid, and what you feel is real. Love yourself, the rest will come later. ❤️❤️❤️❤️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

My child’s gender identity or sexual orientation is not mine to control nor something they “do to me”. I want them to be happy in their own skin, full stop!

The parent isn’t thinking about how THEY are hurting the KID.

If I decide to have kids in the future, I'll love and accept them no matter what.

My daughter started telling me she felt like a girl when she was 4 years old (biologically male). She’s 6 now and very secure in who she is. I trust her understanding of who she is and follow her lead. Because I’ll be damned if I ever make my girl feel bad about herself. 🏳️‍⚧️❤

If I had my kid come express a mental health issue then there’s no way I would make them feel guilty. I’d be immediately organising the best psychologists I could afford to help them.

finally a parent with common sense

As someone with narcissistic parents, can relate. They got so offended when I changed my name.

I love how they call us the snowflakes but will always act this way when a trans person is within a 5,000 mile radius of them.

I told my mom about my trans friends ans she was so excited to meet him

14 years old. Known I was non binary for ages. Didn’t want to tell my very British Religious mum. A few weeks ago I did and got the ‘you’ll grow out of it’ from her, and also the one person who I believed would understand, my uncle. If I was in that position again, I would have just stuck with my friends, and waited if family could be homophobic. If they are likely to say it’s not ‘biological’ then research hormone therapy and surgery treatment. Ik its expensive in the USA but could really help them understand how serious you are

Ur mother broke the mother rule, love their child unconditionaly, gender can change! Love is love! No rules! Have fun! 🏳‍🌈

The first time I came out to my mom, she said "well you're still my DAUGHTER" I didn't ask her to address me as anything else, I never implied I didnt want to be her child, I didn't do anything wrong imo. I came out again a few years later, with the same identity and she just didn't reply. She knows I'm gay and acknowledges it but not that im non-binary. I don't care enough to potentially cause drama so I've been leaving it alone

Fun Fact: In Greek Mythology, the story behind trans people is that Apollo got really drunk and accidentally gave people the wrong genitalia!

"if god wanted you to be a boy you would have been born a boy" I feel like a good comeback to that is "god put me here to test how kind you are and you are failing"

In the future, if I have a child that comes out as Bi, Gay, Trans, Asexual or whoever they are. I will hold them in my arms and tell them I will be there to support them and love them, unconditionally. They will be my flesh and blood and nothing will change that.

My child is trans, they’ve been out about 5 years now and I still cry over the thought their childhood was lost to the wrong gender… Pains me so much to learn they lived in a pastel world when they deserved glitter and rainbows!

In my situation, I tried to explain to my mom that being able to actually be the real me would let me be genuinely happy - but then she flipped the whole situation saying that I don’t care about her happiness? ._. Any tips? Because our relationship is rocky atm to say the least…

They make your own hardest moment about themselves and do not care how much it hurts you.

I support anyone even if there trans

It’s not ok because parents should love and support you no matter what, also you should be able to change your body as long as it’s not harmful to yourself 😊

My dad told me that and the best part is I believed him for a long fucking time. I thought something was wrong with me because I "felt something that is clearly not me." Now I'm happily out and finally feel like myself again, thankfully, but he still can't seem to understand or grasp it. We are working on it though.

I would've laughed. Honestly I would've laughed if this was my mom and said, "It's not about you mom it's about me. Deal with it

Parents shouldn’t react this way, they’re supposed to love and support their kids no matter what

Just support your fucking kids for who they are. It’s not hard.

I had a coworker who was a supportive proud mother of 4 daughters. One of her daughters is a lesbian (I know this is for people coming out as trans, but hear me out). She admitted to me when her one daughter came out she was originally not supportive. And reacted the same way as shown in the video. But then she sat down and really analyzed why she felt that way. They way she explained it was "I had dreams and expectations from my girls. But my daughter is her own person with her own hopes and dreams. And it wasn't fair or right for me to project that on to her."

My son came out to me as they them I told him I'm so proud of you for being so brave. I also told them that are my grown child and I love them no matter what

its wrong because for one, parents should be supportive of their children no matter what. for second, her reaction of *screaming* probably made you feel really scared and uncomfortable.

I’m a parent and my biggest worry was that others would hurt them. They did nothing to “me” but give me immense joy by being the precious child God meant them to be. Did I screw up in other ways? Hell yes. Like every other parent, but good Lord….

If I had a kid and they came out to me as trans, I'd express to them that it would be difficult to adjust, but I would try my very best to support them. And I wouldn't spoil them or treat them like they're more or less important. They're my child after all, and I'll love them the same no matter who they are

I’m going to use my mom’s “I always wanted to have a boy but now I’m too old to have more children” when coming out to her. It’s never too late I guess

My kid just came out this year at 7 and I am really glad that I didn't react like that. I said ok what does enby mean to you and they explained what that word meant to them and I said great what are your pronouns? Do you have something you would like us to call you as a name? It did hurt me in a strange way, but I didn't put that on my kid because that is my shit not theirs. My job is to help them as they get through life not suppress and oppress them. I hope more parents can learn how to support their kids even if it is a shock for them. They came out as gay recently and I did the same thing. Personally I love my queer kid and I am really glad that they trusted me enough to allow me to see them for who they are.❤

When we meet our kids, at birth, at adaption, whenever that moment was we say we just want them to be happy, healthy, and safe. As a parent we have ideals but we need to stop forcing them onto our kids includng gender. I had to process it when my son came out, it was different than when nephews, nieces, nibblings had come out, why? I proceeded that with my therapist not my kid. He knew no matter what we loved him and were ready to walk with him through his journey. It made me a better parent to him and my oldest son, im a better ally, a better queer person, a more open and progressive thinker, less of a know it all because as any trans kid will teach you, its complicated and you may know verynlittle about a whole lot. Just love them, and the rest will work its way out. To all you babes out there that don't have safe space, there are other adults out there rrady to support you, in private and out in the open. My sons friends love me and his dad because we are in your face supportive and they have come to us fo help, and acceptance. I have to balance several kids between their identity and what their parents require, the thing is ITS SO WORTH IT to see teens in the hardest parts of their childhood feeling loved and ok about who they are, even for a moment. Find a mam or papa bear to support you, you are loved and worth all good things ❤

That's true, it is no okay. A parent is supposed to support their child, not formed them into wherever they're "supposed" to be according to the parent. Is their body and their choice.

I’m so glad when my friend came out as trans her parents were so encouraging and supportive over the summer they let her legally change her name and gender

When I learned a bit more about trans topics when I was young I was heavily religious myself. So from that perspective, the response that helped me and may help some others is "God sometimes gives us trials. One trial he gave me is having a gender that does not match how I feel. By coming out as trans, I am overcoming this trial"

When I came out to my mom as Bi she tried to pull that phrase I told her, "Listen, this, right now, is NOT about you, it is about me. -I- need you to focus. I am opening up to you about who I AM. It 👏🏼 is 👏🏼 NOT 👏🏼 about 👏🏼 YOU 👏🏼. It kept her quiet long enough for me to validate her feelings of confusion (only those) while clearly stating the reality of myself and my life.

She’s basically guilt tripping you into making you feel bad for her so you don’t do this. If anyone struggles with parents like this, I’m adopting you and you are now my child and I am your queer, trans father. ❤

I'm trans,but I cant tell no one besides my bsf.If I tell my mom or parents I would have a shoe come flying at me

My family members made my transition all about themselves. My grandma said "i cried for you! You broke my heart!" like me identifying as a guy had any real effect on her life. I'm still the same person, goddamn. She also said as long as i have not started my transition she doesn't see me as a man and won't call me by my chosen name, same goes for my dad.. He also informs himself very one sidedly and beliefs all trans people will regret their decision because of that.. At least my mom and step father are supportive because she knows two trans people from work and her friend group and saw how much happier and healthier they were after transitioning