Free Quiz: Are You A Quality Partner?
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Communication In Marriage | Communication Tools To Save Your Marriage!
nine communication tools that can save your marriage welcome to happily committed
The first tip or two that I have for you is centered around the notion of listening to understand rather than listening to respond or to reply to your partner. Too often we get defensive and we are seeking to be right or to come out on top to win an argument instead of being focused on listening to understand what our partner is actually saying to us. If they are communicating it's because there is a need that needs to be addressed.
Tip number: two don't play the blame game. Don't start to attack your partner and blame them for your unhappiness. If you do that your partner is going to be defensive. They'll feel like they're responsible for everything and they're going to want to defend themselves instead of pulling in the same direction.
Tip number three: have empathy. A relationship cannot blossom if you don't have empathy for your significant other. I'm not just talking about having sympathy for what they are going through but truly dive into the emotion that they are feeling and feel that emotion with them. Acknowledge their pain. Validate their feelings.
Number four: when your partner is venting or giving you constructive criticism it is helpful for you to echo their message to make sure that you actually understand what they are saying and to give them a chance to realize and accept and digest the fact that you've truly heard them, that you understand what they are feeling and what they need from you. You can do that by echoing what they have said using their own words to basically convey the message that they have conveyed to you.
It's important for you to talk in terms of what makes your partner tick. Don't be self-centered in your communication habits. Really try to connect with your partner, to marry your wants, your ideas, and your needs with their interests, with things that they can relate to so that it doesn't become a “me versus you” battle.
The next tip is to let your partner talk. They need to be able to express themselves and the more someone talks about themselves the more they feel good, the more they feel heard, and the more they feel understood. When you give the opportunity to someone to talk about themselves they'll consider you a friend. Of course you have to be genuinely interested in what the other person is saying but there is no better way to connect with someone than to let them talk about the things that they're interested in.
It's important for you to show respect in your tone, to show respect in how you look at your partner and how you value their time and just to show respect to what you are building together as a unit. A common life project cannot happen unless both people feel respected and in many coaching sessions I find that one or both parties don't feel respected in their relationship and in order to ensure that you maximize communication with your significant other make sure that they feel respected by you through your words and your actions.
Another important tip is to admit when you're wrong. Nothing can be more destructive to healthy communication than two people camped under their respective positions unable to take accountability for themselves and for their shortcomings. If you have an inability to take accountability for your faults, for your wrongdoings, how can you expect your partner to be accountable to you as well? You need to lead by example and you need to take accountability for the mistakes that you've made and what you could have done better along the way. Your partner is your mirror they'll let you know what those mistakes were.
Finally, it's very very helpful to start communicating on things that you actually agree about. If you successfully are able to get your partner to say yes once twice or three times the odds are that they will say yes to you're stronger more important complaints or constructive criticism. Most of the time people are defensive and camped in their position before a conversation even begins. It's a conflict of ego and consensus is not built because you're just so focused on yourself. So get into the habit of building consensus early in conversations, especially for important meaningful conversations so that by the time you get to your most important ask your partner is pulling in the same direction with you.