The longer you stay isolated, the more people annoy you, and the more you feel like a wild animal between them. The wild animal that only wants to escape as fast as possible. I have been there not by choice for years. Now I am choosing to cut out or distance some people who exhaust me or try to use me and take advantage of me.

If you keep using isolation to control your CPTSD triggers, every opportunity in life will gradually close to you

The hardest thing is finding appropriate support. I don’t want to open up all of my past to someone because frankly it’s overwhelming for others to hear. At the same time it’s the not sharing that separates me from others. Both of these things are true and it’s a tough spot to be in.

Now I finally get what's going on with me. You're so right about about how draining my Avoidant Attachment style is. My awakening has come at a price. Losing my girlfriend of 4 years because I couldn't regulate my emotions, didn't know how to get out of my 5yr old, 12 yr old and 17 yr old self. I would get waves of depression, guilt, anxiety and numbness at how much pain I was causing my partner - but had no skill set to show up as an adult. I had no understanding of why I would turn into these kids when deep intimate adult conversation was needed to develop our relationship further or address an issue or work through a problem together. The damn child or teenager would show up every time. Didn't matter that intellectually I knew that things were off (always being in my head)...I'm so tired of having those kids run my emotional life. Loss, and finally desperate to take charge of these destructive patterns (now that the door is closed on our relationship) has me wanting, willing and ready to receive the help I need to understand and work through my years of ingrained avoidant patterns. I've enrolled in an 8 week avoidant personality disorder program, have been seeing a therapist regularly for the past 2 1/2 months and will be working with a men's avoidant group...so much pain I've caused her, so much pain and numbness in my own life. Thanks for this. Sorry for the long statement.

Anna, thank you so much for helping me realize that I have been covertly avoiding getting close to people because of my CPTSD. When you said that I can not heal in isolation, I cried for days, I was devastated. I understand better how I have been avoiding living my life by having a cluttered home, too embarassed to have people over, and feeling left out, not really connecting with people. I want to make a change, am now slowly but surely decluttering my home, bettering my work and income, going to therapy and binge watching all your content. Again, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart❤

My problem is that I'm too independent in the mind and don't really need people. I'm fine being alone even though I know it's bad and I want to make friends (because I know it's bad for me if I don't) but the urge isn't there. I find people draining and I have to make a conscious effort to match their energy. Not only that but I find at times that people are only interested in talking about themselves and don't really care to get to know me. So it's either I start interviewing them or they start talking about themselves to me. So my three major problems are is one I lack the urge/energy to socialize, my comfort place is being alone, and it's hard truly to express myself.

I have Meeting today for my sons football team. After confirming I would come, I felt all the energy sucked out of me. I feel tired now and I am already coming up with reasons im not going to make it.... all that to say, this video is right on time.

At 63, I'm so good at this, I call myself hibernating. 😏 but now spring is here...I'm running out of excuses...my agoraphobia is at a place where, I don't just stay in my house...I stay in my room, my *sanctuary.* I even put my coffee station in here.😏 everything I need is right here...except human contact. 😐

I have spent most of my adult life as an avoidant but am pleased to say that I have been reaching out to old friends and participating in life and it feels great

“Not having any relationships that could sustain you in hard times is what chronic avoidance will get you.” I genuinely did not think of that. Your experience is actually is quite harrowing. As someone who has avoided people all my life (I’m 25) and pretty much had surface level relationships, I guess that is what I needed to hear.

Same medical situation happened to me at the same time I went through my divorce. I am a chronic avoider. It 'works' in the moment, but you pay for it down the road with the lack of long term, deep connections and friendships.

The worst thing i ever did to myself was staying in my comfort zone it derailed my life and kept me mentally in a self-made mental prison and leaving my comfort zone, truly challenging myself and taking risks was the key to my freedom and my peace of mind. Leaving my comfortzone was as empowering.

"You need people". Ugh. The painful truth that I refused to see until now, at 40, when I've been an almost complete hermit for a decade. Well, I guess I found this channel just in time to fix my course 😅

A former partner, who is absolutely lovely, is the avoidant type, very much does this unconsciously and didn't have any deep friendships until I started engaging with him on interacting more meaningfully. After a few years it became too much to be the interpreter, and led a lot of conflict that both of us contributed to, so we found we couldn't be permanent. But he grew a lot and I grew a lot too in the relationship. All that being said, avoidant people can be incredibly loving and sweet and I love that you're making this video. A lot of people can benefit from this and have richer lives because of these advices.

Just when I’m about to lose hope, this video came right on time. I can’t believe somebody else can describe exactly who I am. This is wild. I thought I was crazy & ALONE.

There is no covert about it. I have used avoidance my whole life (65 years to date) to survive. It is exhausting and unproductive and life sucking. Thanks for the reminder that now is always a good time to ditch learned, destructive behaviors.

I've been so damaged in the past and present by family, friends and strangers that avoidance has become a safety net for me. It's become my go-to survival tactic.

"A connection injury" lit up a bulb in my mind. Had never thought about it like that before. To frame avoidance in this way is really freeing, feels like a release from shame and pathology.

Thank you so much for this video. I may have shed a few tears listening to you. Like rain falling over a barren land. I may be a 41 year old woman from India but I am actually a scared 14 year old girl assaulted person who has truly never moved from that age. I am so scared of people and so used to not being believed and heard .

I’m not gonna lie this is one of my biggest problems. I’ve had trauma since childhood and even as a child I isolated myself a lot. And I’ve had patterns of avoiding social interactions and events. Like just interacting with people seem like a big deal. And it makes me depressed because I don’t want to be alone. But like you say hurt keeps you at arms length from people. At times struggling with the fact that I feel I didn’t feel good enough to others.

I used to be anxiously attached in just about every romantic relationship. After two horrible relationships and a lot of years wasted with avoidants, and a couple more CPTSD trauma episodes with friends, I finally turned 100% avoidant and absolutely do not trust humans anymore. (I'm aware that, primarily, I don't trust myself anymore to filter out wrong people before I get attached.) I'm actively a hermit now and the mere thought of a relationship makes me shudder. On the other hand, I have never felt so cared for, so healthy, comfortable, loved and cozy now that I'm dumping all of my love and care on myself. Now I have no motivation to change, even though my therapist insists that's something that should be challenged. But why? There's only pain and disappointment and waste of time, health and money on the other side.

This hits so very hard. I have not one friend to speak of. I turn 40 this year and can not believe how my life has turned out. Largely because of cptsd and partly I’ve had just some dumb bad luck. I hope I can come out of this well.

OMG! 10 million thousand % this is me! I even avoid learning about this because then I will have to do something about it. It’s painful and draining for me to be around people. It’s exhausting.

what if i just truly dont like most people? what if i feel society has become shallow and meaningless itself? i am around alot of people all the time in my job and i dont resonate with many. not in morals, intellect, interests, or character. i feel like thats ok though . it doesnt bother me. i havent watched this video yet ,but whats wrong with avoiding people that are not good people ?? or who mentally drain you ,or who just small talk and literally waste time>? some people might just like to be alone, i do. i was an only child, rarely had close friends, being alone is just what im comfortable with .

This is so me. Can't get myself motivated to get out of bed and get to where I need to be on time. Numbed out and avoiding anything. Especially cleaning and cooking. I had some medical issues over the past year and I really learned who is and isn't there for me. All the people who had said they would come and visit me while recuperating never followed through. Not even a phone call to check in on me. So I am trying to rely on the kind people that I don't know as well as the unreliable ones. Working on reaching out.

I keep attracting people who don't wish to engage much, giving or receiving, they're busy, engaged with other family relationships, work, obligns. I am happy to have physical friend connection and human face to face interaction, once a day when out for walk. I realise my childhood ptsd effects do lead me to close off, isolate,but I also realise balancing self time with other time is difficult. Practice helps me. Consistency is key. Self care and supportive self talk is very helpful.

Finally a therapist that gets to the point tells the facts and says what's actually wrong. I've went to therapist off and on through different times in my life and they were wishy washy keep you hanging on don't get to the point but keep having you so you gotta keeping going back hoping I find out what's wrong with me and none of them helped me I was still stuck. Having 2 bad marriages and both husband's didn't want to be married to me didn't even wanna try to make it work, after finding this out afterwards. they only tormented me terribly making me feel it was all my fault. The therapist is straight to the point too bad I didn't have her.

Thank you Anna! Have just entered trauma counseling at 69 yrs old. Find your blogs very helpful giving words to feelings, as well as providing hope! Thanks for sharing your healing to help others.

I'm just now realizing how much of my life I have been alone. I was a latch-key kid growing up, then I lived alone but would go out with friends. Then I was married to someone who traveled. Now that I am a stay at home parent, I find myself isolating and staying up late just to be alone. I never thought I was avoidant before because I always had a social life, and it was healthy to be able to spend time by yourself. Now I am seeing how much more alone time I need than anyone else and it feels like I should be able to enjoy my family more.

As an aspiring psychologist,, thank you! I must heal before looking to help heal others.

I’m a daily smoker of ye old devils lettuce. Used to play video games a ton when I was younger still play games but now I’ve even started not talking to “the bois”. In my house growing up, the biggest and the loudest won. When I could I would get away by going to my room but even then it eventually boiled down to something I did pissed one of my 3 sisters off then they would tell my mom, she would embellish and tell my dad, my dad would then beat me for it after I got 30 seconds to explain myself. I remember when I tried not to cry once. He literally stopped and said oh you wanna try and be tough huh? You gone cry, and I swear on my life his face twisted to like this angry happy look and he beat me some more and harder. I love my parents but I truly wish they’d never met, they were toxic from the jump and used us kids to get a leg up on the other. Always with the come get your child. Like what I’m your child too? But I realized the more we acted like a parent or were ok with their fights and took sides we wouldn’t get that little discard statement. I always felt like a therapist to my parents or my sisters like I never got the chance to open up about my shit so I didn’t and don’t. Whenever I did I was berated with “oh you aren’t a man etc etc.” hurts a lot more coming from family. I can’t say I’ve never said anything hurtful, I have but I’ve never used my family as little emotional dumpsters and someone to convince to be on my side. I know I’m ranting but I want to come back to this and remember I want to change enough that their antics and manipulation don’t hurt or set me off as much or at all. I say I’m fine a lot when I’m not so I don’t inconvenience them with my past nipping at the heels of my mind. They ask why I don’t tell them anything anymore and I just put my hands up like what am I to do when I open up and everything I divulge is thrown into a wood chipper and fed back to me as “you’re just too sensitive they’re joking.” Or the classic “ but we’re family we don’t mean it” family doesn’t do that shit and keep going when they see it’s starting to hurt. Honestly going to family functions feels like jumping headfirst into a pit of vipers. Signed up for betterhelp a day ago, hopefully we can get to the root of these problems I have and are creating so I can be a better person. If you read this far, thanks for not seizing trying to read all of that😂

Wow! I’m relating so much! My life went from Homeschooling 4 children, taking care of my mom 7 years until her passing away, volunteering at church 5 days a week and 2 times for service, and married taking care of a big house to - empty nest, mom passing, filing for divorce (not going through it), leaving my abusive church, my husband passing away, moving to a tiny condo and feeling very alone. I’ve since realized through the internet, that I probably have CPST, codependent behavior and who knows what else. I am sure I need therapy. You have educated me in so many areas. Thank you.

Without these videos, I wouldn’t have been able to heal my delusions. Of course, I’m still keeping some of them because I’m human but I’m a lot less attached to unhealthy relationships. Thank you for your hard work, it means a lot to people like me who can’t afford to try out different therapists

As hard as life can get, the most difficult obstacle I’ve ever had to face is myself. I have a tendency to indulge in my avoidance and isolation behaviors. As an experiment, I decided to trial saying “yes” any time I was asked to go out or attend a social function. Virtually every experience was preceded by fear, looming dread, anxiety and an almost instinctual urge to escape. However, I was surprised that no matter the degree of negative emotion preceding each social engagement, those feelings were universally replaced with a sense of well-being, inner warmth, belonging, and a steady calmness of mind. I still feel the primal urge to escape, but I try to reframe it similarly to the intense fear/anxiety we feel on roller coasters that we instead call “thrill” despite a nearly identical physiologic and emotional response to threat. Feelings that are triggered from internal or external stimuli are subconsciously contextualized and transformed into emotion (fear/anxiety vs thrill/excitement) to influence behavior appropriately (avoid danger or engage in excitement). This is a normal brain function to protect and preserve the organism but to also engage in behaviors that offer perceived benefit or advantage. CPTSD disrupts this process by contextualizing otherwise harmless stimuli as harmful based on associated trauma experienced during critical periods of development, and the otherwise normal functioning portion of this circuit responds accordingly to avoid perceived danger. This is a function of deep subcortical processing, a foundational brain circuit in all mammals. Our otherwise logical thought processes take place in prefrontal and higher cortical brain regions that may recognize the behavior patterns as maladaptive, however it CANNOT override the other more foundational, rigid emotional circuits formed during development. The power here, however, is that we can RECOGNIZE triggers and emotional response through AWARENESS, and modify behavior in response to feelings/emotions we come to understand as maladaptive. This doesn’t eliminate the negative feelings and thoughts at all, but it can at least give us some agency in how we live, ultimately in harmony with emotional pain rather than become subject to it.

The call-out about people who externalise pain and loneliness, picking out what's wrong with everyone else...I really felt that😞

"Overwhelmed, most of the time." Yep, this. Everything and everyone is so exhausting.

I have a very strong avoidance response to bullying. In May I quit my job & my volunteering because I found myself (again) working with people who devolved into bullying & criticism as a means of 'leading' a team. I can take it to a point, go to HR, try to solve the issue like an adult, etc. But even at 36, I still hit a limit where I flush it all & go into avoidance.

I only found this channel a day or two ago. It's fantastic. I get a strong sense of lived authenticity behind the advice, it does not sound like the same cookie cutter text book training that so many KZfaq channels give.

we were raised by people who called hate, love. we need to experience love and kindness before we can trash the false definition of love. find kind people

When I finally had asked for help, those people were non existent or a hot mess themselves

The hardest thing for me as a recently diagnosed "Dismissive Avoidant" is to put my finger on how I could've had such a pleasant childhood with parents who I always knew deep down loved me unconditionally and still turned out like this?? They were not perfect, but "Neglect" is the last word I would ever think of about either of my parents. The ONE blessing in disguise for Dismissive Avoidants may just be that we honestly fail to process just how bad things actually were so at least we are given the gift of ignorance so we are not in the kind of pain that realization could've bought us??

Cptsd has ruled my adult life. Thank you for defiining avoidant attachment. I can now share this with my family!

That's right we should heal ourselves from being isolated, I am also being like that nobody knows what is going through with me not even my own family and friends .

1:10:15 "...so much of the best of us can only be expressed in relation to other people." ABSOLUTELY! We need to get out of our own heads and reach out to others, little by little. 🌞🥰 I know this may seem easier said than done, but it is doable!

I find that most people are so caught up with their own lives that they don't have time or energy to care about anything outside. I also find that people these days seem to be overly connected to their families which to me is a super comfort zone. I don't have that luxury. Even before my family had pretty much passed away we were never a family and when I entered into AA I was taught a lot about enabling so I've never allowed people to really enable me. I wonder if I've taken it too far. Even if I have it doesn't much matter now because I'm old and no one really reaches out to me the way they did when I was younger. Not trying to say poor me it's just reality :-)

No only did I write about my trauma, I actually had the courage to send what I wrote to each person that caused the trauma. Thank goodness they live far away. It has take me twenty five years to get through the process. It felt great to let them know. Once I wrote, I cared less and less about how they feel.

This explains so much. Just knowing what causes me to be this way is a relief. I appreciate this video and the knowledge that this really needs to be something I focus on.

I can't believe I've gone all this time not knowing about your channel. You have been incredibly helpful. Thank you so much!

I strongly relate to this. I grew up in a very dysfunctional household and learnt to become invisible and not express my needs (father has severe and untreated aspergers/autism, mother was sole breadwinner and functional adult in the situation).

Covert avoidance....that hit home. Initially I thought it was ADHD symptoms ..

I cried the whole way through this… I grew up in trauma and what finally ‘broke’ me was the collapse of my marriage when I found out about my husbands infidelity. I have just realised I’m ‘going through the motions’. I don’t have friends. I don’t date. I don’t see anyone socially or have hobbies. I’m a very pleasant person to be around and I’m nice. I’m not invited anywhere. My kids aren’t invited anywhere. The only time someone calls me is when they need a favour from me. If I call people my calls are unanswered. My ‘friends’ are online. I talk in chat groups, people I’ve never met. I’m 43 years old. I feel like my life is over.

Thank you, with tears streaming like watefalls, this is the video that finally fits. Thank you so much.

Thanks for teaching people about their mental behavior from trauma. I think CPTSD has made me an introvert, and judgemental individual. It also has given me the ability to look at life from a better place in which extroverts would never be able to see. I can see the manipulation by society that has made us consumers and made us blind by those in political, businesses and family and friends that in reality only care about a shallow world who only love inside their own borders.

This is spot on for me. I've got a 43 year "life" and nothing but the dread of death to accompany me. Thank God for good people willing to face, learn, and share some of the most painful and shameful things we experience in the hope of a better humanity.

It’s really key for me when you said at a party the fear of being ignored or being drowned in conversation

Dear Anna listening to the attributes the lady wrote in her letter I noticed one could get a kind of stuck in rests of trauma. I recognize myself...I thought I must be kind of clean from everything before I am lovable...now I feel I am good enough. Thank you for your wonderful work.

Anna: I am a new viewer and was not familiar with CPTSD. Very grateful in finally finding answers from you in why I act as I do (being sensitive, am comfortable isolating, easily triggered anger and outbursts, etc., etc.) I can so relate to your video. I am elderly and have felt alone and confused. Thank you for your teachings.

This is a very helpful channel. I am almost entirely alone, mostly because I am disabled and I have no family. And I DO have CPTSD from a completely wreteched childhood entirely devoid of love. I work constantly not to self-sabotage. My spiritual life, though unsupported, is very helpful in that regard. I'm going to stick with this channel and see if I can heal some of this and learn some more techniques. Thanks or being here for us!

OMG! You hit the mark with me. Avoidance is a big problem with me. Now I have to learn how to heal the triggers and learn how to reach out!

Omg.. these videos are in your face truth bombs. It hurts but is healing because I wasn't even aware of so much of this.... I have alot of work ahead. I have been stuck in the past trying to heal the past but your advice to look at the future is so helpful. The story feels safe. Feeling stuck feels safe. It is hard. I dont know that I have CPTSD but am avoidant and had a terrible childhood. God bless you and your work. Thank you for naming all the things.

I’ve definitely had periods where i felt extremely avoidant (the rest of life being covert avoidance even at ‘better’ times). After i broke my few years hermit ‘fast’ i got very hurt, and as it just added up to previous injuries it hurt way more than normal people would experience. Made me feel very defective to learn again how vulnerable and emotionally dysregulated i still am. Literally my brain can make me insane, what i felt is not normal. Isolation doesn’t cure it. Only embracing the fears and learning to deal with them by fighting them proactively may work. Avoidance is just delaying the inevitable pain and making it hurt even more by delaying.

I feel like you’re speaking to me like you’ve already been inside my head before. Every video blows my mind how much I say, “yes! That’s me! She knows me!!” I’m so happy I found you and subscribed - I’m a trauma survivor a troubled teen industry survivor and im coming up on 2 years in recovery. I do EMDR and DBT weekly and im all about improving my mental health because being borderline with CPTSD is a full time job in itself lol 😂

5/11. Watching this today. Have to just watch for now and rewatch to take notes. I’ve isolated so long I’m crying watching this.

👋im very disregulated anytime a heated argument is around me or near me or a discussion that is uncomfortable for me. I fall apart and just want to get alone. I really don't like being in public anymore and try to just stick to family members whom i feel safe with. As for time I'm always 10 mins early. Part 7 made me giggle right away because I have a decoration on my wall that says, 'I'm not bossy I just know what you should be doing'. I also wear a t-shirt that says, 'sorry I'm not good at peopling'. Very often I get lots of smiles and positive comments in a day when I'm out in public wearing it😊

I’m 16 and I have a lot of these tendencies and I recently went through a breakup and I realize some of the issues in my relationship were because of my avoidance and I want to start fixing and healing myself again, so I wanted to say thank you for this video.

Asking for help has rarely worked for me. People say they're going to in one Form or fashion but then don't follow through. This leaves me in a worse situation than if I had never asked at all

I can relate to all of this except the being late. I am very early to everything because I get terrible anxiety afraid I won’t get a good seat, parking spot, etc. The rest of this is spot on. I’m in this state constantly and it has negatively affected my life in every way. I need to better help myself. I deserve it and my family deserves it. I’m so glad I found this channel. Thank you!

I isolate. I admit it. This made it hard to find AA help- but I took your advice about 12-step groups and discovered that there are many different kinds, with different formats and styles!

You broke through my suit of armor…I so needed to hear these words! Bless you & thank you.💜💐🙏

This is me I turn 50 this year so am doing a lot of reflection all the friends I had in my 20’s 30’s and early forties drifted away because I limited my participation in these relationships to a superficial level trepidatious that if I invested to much a terrible fate would befall me and I would have no escape - I understand it now but I accept it and I’m ok with it I enjoy my peace and the absence of drama that come with other

First time watcher. Only 8:30 in and sobbing bc this is my life. Thank you. I thought it was just me.

OMG. I thank I from the bottom of my heart for this video. I happened upon it accidentally but if I didn’t know any better I would seriously think that I watched the entire thing without even so much as blinking even once. Every part and every minute u speak as the video continues for me on my end literally describes exactly 100 % of each moment and each second of each day I am currently experiencing in my life and until now I had no way to try and explain any of it I’ve only been aware of experiences that happen repeated at times recently and haven’t known what to do about any of it or where to even begin. I feel hope right this very moment and I haven’t had or felt hope of any kind for quite a long time before this. U made this possible for me. Now I can continue watching since the best part which of course is the solution. So off I go to my bath I’ve just drawn for myself and can look forward to enjoying the rest of ur video and I’ll be sure to save some of the bubbles from my bath for whatever one comes on next as well. U have no idea the gratitude I have for u right now. Thanks again so much. I won’t forget you ever in this life time that’s for sure. Definately , am now a fan for sure. Enjoy ur the part of the day ur time zone is in and I’ll be doing that as well! Good nite for now !

To all you young people that think sex is such a necessity and place it high on your priority list, trust me... you bought into a lie. I understand relationships are important however, if sex is the first thing and then the friendship comes later then nine times out of ten you'll end up alone. Stop putting the cart before the horse and you'll have a much better relationship. Better yet, wait until you're married😮

"I thought there was just some mystery problem with me..." SO MUCH ME (& sadly into my 50s until about the time I discovered this channel...!)

Pretty well explains why my relationships got worse and worse. Inside my head I never felt I deserved better.

My hobby of Model Car Building has been very therapeutic for me and I enjoy attending and setting up at Model Shows and I really enjoy meeting and connecting with fellow modelers...

...You just put a name to what I've been struggling with my entire life. And that's definitely something for me to bring up to my therapist. Thank you for this video.

Me for 63 yrs, other than the tardiness. I would never dare disappoint anyone, I'd rather avoid you. I've known I'm not normal in "friendships", but never heard a name for it. Thank you. I want to change.

God!!!! I so needed this! Thank god I found you. My life is a mess. I have no real connection with anyone. My eating is terrible and my passion for physical exercise has gone

Thanks for mentioning avoidance. I'm always seeing advice (often sexist) for women who go the opposite direction and become promiscuous, and I always wondered when my tendencies would get a mention.

Thank you so much for the work you put out. It's really helping me while I try and navigate life's present challenges. I have a very good handle on some aspects of healing, but I actually ended up laughing out loud - while you were mentioning that people that smoke a LOT of pot are numbing out anger, I was in the middle of preparing an awful lot of joints so that I 'can handle the week'... because I'm super irritable. The good news is that I'm aware that no human should smoke this much burning plant matter and I have been working on cutting down and ceasing. I have quit alcohol after thirteen years of hellish addiction and no longer smoke cigarettes, but it was a slippery slope back down to numbing myself to function and then being frustrated that everything was getting harder. It helps a lot to hear letters where people have had a similar childhood to mine. I have had a hard time with feeling like I fit in, or like moving around as a kid "wasn't that bad." Knowing that there is hope around the corner and it can be fixed as long as I can keep going is all that I need. It's also reassuring to know that the issue stems from something that can be helped on the inside and I'm not just some sort of degenerate with no self-control... especially because that's not even remotely true. No matter what my inner angry grandma voice might have to say otherwise ♡

Our family does have intergenerational trauma, although my mother’s attachment style dismissive/avoidant, resulted in a difficult childhood for me. Today as an adult, my mother will let you be around her, but will not let you in. As a child and teenager, she avoided closeness and intimacy with me - and she still does today. It’s like, she doesn’t need emotional intimacy, even with my children - her own grandchildren. I am at the point where interacting with her feels like constantly picking at a wound - it hurts. She has no concept that for me, my need for emotional closeness with my mother is a natural need/want. That it provides a feeling of stability - we are not going through life alone; we have someone to rely on. With all respect and I say this as someone who grew up with a parent like this, if you recognise the dismissive/avoidant attachment style in yourself … work on building closer relationships with people *before* you have children. I was so fortunate to have had a grandmother who provided me some sense of secure attachment over my childhood, without my grandmother, I don’t know what kind of wife and mother I would be today.

Folks, just because this wonderful lady speaks about CPTSD and avoidance, does Not mean you have it OR are not already doing the right thing. Your higher self, or your gut instinct is first and foremost your greatest warning signal about various people and situations YOU SHOULD be avoiding.

Anna, I learned far more from this video than I have from 3 different counselors over the years. This is ME through and through. It's both scary and hopeful but I'm hanging onto hope. Truth and knowledge can offer us power to overcome our self defeating behaviors. Hopefully if we know better we will do better. Thank you so much.

Omg this video hit so hard for me and I watched it twice. This is everything that I have been dealing with and I needed to hear all of this. My mind was blown after I watched this. Just wow!! Thank you so much for taking the time to make this video. I have started to get real help because of the realization of what I was dealing with. My emotions and thoughts are going haywire trying to process all of this.

Tell that to the rest of the world that is avoiding me then while thinking it is all right to lie to me, talk about me, and try to manipulate me. I am good. I am not avoiding anyone or anything, I have nothing to hide

I realised I just really don't like people - any of them. I'm most happy and at peace when I can escape from them all. It's probably avoidance... but it's not covert - I choose it because it has proven to give the best results. I used to get very lonely... and I felt especially that I was missing out on something at big events such as New Years Night - where everyone else is getting together and having a great time together and not being a part of it - feeling left out. Another time might be on a beautiful summer's evening when the sun is setting and I would dream about some super-romantic situation where everything was perfect and the idea of being with someone that cared deeply about me and me about them - but I realised it is an unrealistic fantasy. I don't want that anymore. What I realised is that alone time is a luxury to be enjoyed and sought after.

This is a really insightful video on the topic of avoidant attachment style and how it can impact our relationships. The speaker offers helpful tips on how to recognize if you have an avoidant attachment style, and more importantly, how to heal from it. It's inspiring to see that with some self-awareness and effort, we can break free from patterns that may be holding us back in our relationships. This video is definitely worth watching for anyone who wants to improve their emotional well-being and build healthier connections with others.

You can't force people to want to be kind to you. And you can't rely on some sort of transactional kindness, either. I understand - it's normal to have a variety of relationships.

I am notorious for being late to EVERYTHING! I had absolutely no idea there was a legitimate reason for these avoidance behaviors. Thank you for your videos!!!

I know I'm on the outside of the diagnosis but I'm close enough to take a lot of lessons and relief knowing I'm not struggling alone. Being alone so much of my childhood and no one having any belief or support of you makes it hard to connect. At your groups I don't have any abuse to share, just loneliness but being at the edge of this group is at least a comfort

Omg you have just described me. I was that person that got the hospital to transfer me to the train station to get home, the person with the camera in my hand for safety . That bought up 3 boys with no support. People see you can do it all so they stay away Thank you for opening my eyes.

Gosh, I was just talking to my sister last weekend about my past propensity to be late for everything. I’m very punctual now, but I used to be chronically late for everything, and it was definitely avoidance mixed with a desire to squeeze one more task in before leaving. I’ve also been the Queen of Excuses, lol. “I’d love to come to your (insert event here), but I’ll be boating down the Zambezi River that day,” isn’t far off some of the actual excuses I’ve come up with to get out of things.

I never did have anyone to talk to about my feelings (self induced) but I felt I wanted to write poetry. Out it flowed, in poetry, but later more as an expression my high emotions. While that was good to get my feelings out, I also got to learn how I was feeling in the first place! Boy, was I messed up! But it was the beginning of the journey toward self knowledge.

Wow! Your description of our gifts being what we have that can help others is spot on! I had a woman walk up to me while I was shopping and ask me to coach her on self transformation. I was too sick with long COVID at the time to have the energy, but I now feel that it’s time to bring other women up along with me. Thanks for bringing us up! ❤️

I never thought of being late as signs of avoidance before! That is so poignant. And busy-ness- the stuff I was avoiding made me "busy" because there were things I really did have to do but was constantly avoid them.

I avoid because I dont like dealing with fake people.

23:00 27:00 Reality feels good. The truth feels good 29:00 I get to be loved This is GOOD Anna!🙏🏽 24:00 29:50 Pushing people away so that you can be alone is incredibly common for people who grew up with trauma. And it feels like it's the right best thing you can do when you triggered. but if you keep using isolation to manage your cptsd triggers almost every option in your life will gradually close off to you. It's better to be uncomfortable It is sad. The grief and discomfort is what is gonna push you back into connection with you feel about is what will push you Pushing everyone away feels so freeing at first Isolating yourself is when your cptsd symptoms are triggered, by fight. Your mind starts distorting things, you feel overwhelmed 1:00:00 1:03:00 1:08:12 1:11:00

You're such a good communicator, and certainly a subject matter expert. Sometimes I'm amazed at your knowledge. I think to myself... DUH!, how did I miss all of this? Thank you so much for your insights

I went through this. No ride home from the hospital. It was awful. I am now doing networking for deeper relationships. In church too. Meal trains. Had 2 surgeries. Had to beg family for food. Never again.