Why He Left Mormon Polygamy Behind

Рет қаралды 89,246

Күн бұрын

For someone who planned to name their children using every letter of the alphabet, everyone was shocked when he left the fundamentalist Mormon church called The Work. He was dedicated, invested, had his first kiss at the alter of his arranged marriage, and ultimately his curiosity and empathy led him out. Calvin Wayman's journey is inspiring!
Make sure to check out the first episode we did, explaining more of his childhood and the backstory of the FLDS.
• 44 Siblings, 4 Mothers...
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00:00:00 Intro
00:01:26 You spoke, we listened! Viewer comments and questions
00:02:43 Sibling rivalry with all 44 siblings?
00:06:39 What happens to all the extra boys??
00:08:17 Was he excited to practice polygamy?
00:13:31 How he reacted when he was told who his wife would be
00:17:42 How big was his fundamentalist sect?
00:19:31 How old were they when they got arranged?g
00:19:49 The process of "arranging" a marriage
00:23:33 Do the fundamentalist Mormons have temple rituals like mainstream Mormons?
00:25:58 The "one mighty and strong" to FIX mainstream mormonism
00:27:40 How the mainstream mormon & fundamentalist mormon differ in their temple work
00:35:32 Was he allowed to date his arranged wife before marriage?
00:36:03 The beginning of Calvin's deconstruction
00:36:49 How did Calvin pace himself and stay true to himself through deconstructing?
00:40:07 Questioning if he was conditioned
00:41:35 How did Calvin reconcile the racist upbringing now out of the cult?
00:45:16 Calvin second guesses himself, fearing the stakes, as he deconstructs
00:47:28 With his existence at stake, Calvin decides to leave it behind
00:50:28 "it is better to never have known God, than to know and turn away" - Mormonism
00:53:07 The voice-note he recorded the moment he decided he couldn't do it anymore
01:02:48 The immediate consequences of leaving the church
01:04:19 An honest discussion about depression & getting help
01:11:44 How Calvin is doing now
01:15:09 How he has been able to transition into normal life
01:20:16 Linda, listen
01:22:19 Find and support Calvin!
Resource for people leaving the FLDS
holdingouthelp.org/
Find and support Calvin!
Culturedpod.com
form.typeform.com/to/tbRnhyMO
IG: @calvinwayman
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Theme Song Produced and Composed by Christian Guevara
*Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.*

Пікірлер: 441

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

This was epic, Shelise. Thank you for letting me share my story and for getting to interact with this community. ✊

@annecasillas5402 Жыл бұрын

Calvin, Thank you for sharing such a moving story and brutal honesty. Keep speaking your truth from balance and expansive ideas! May you find all the kindness, reconciliation, hope and love you can contain. 💜

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Absolutely! Such a fun conversation

@heatherbegs Жыл бұрын

I thoroughly enjoyed these episodes with the two of you!! You are both so well spoken and engaging. I’m learning so much. Thank you!!

@joannegrieco8523 Жыл бұрын

The truth isn't an easy path to take but at least you're living in reality and feeling your own feelings, not what you were programmed to feel. You're growing and growing pains happen. I'm proud of you 😊

@joannegrieco8523 Жыл бұрын

Yes, I agree with Shalisse. I was never a Mormon but for all of us who live our lives the way we know is right for ourselves and not according to other's views this helps. I was always called the black sheep of my family but I've known that was a good thing since age 15 and I wear it like a shield!

@darthjuon4227 Жыл бұрын

As a black man and a Christian. The section on Calvin relating to people of other cultures made my eyes water 🥹

@christinalomeli7024 8 ай бұрын

Me too

@user-fy4uv9wb7o Жыл бұрын

if we outsiders have a better chance at heaven never having heard the message of mormonism, aren't missionaries doing us a disservice by their own logic??

@George_M_ Жыл бұрын

Plus if we get famous, they'll baptize us against our will in absentia anyway >_>

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

Yes.

@RevertedRashidah Жыл бұрын

@@George_M_ the thought of future mormons posthumously baptizing me is so hilarious

@HolldollMcG Жыл бұрын

Stop, you're thinking too much!

@andie3448 Жыл бұрын

It's suppose to confuse you so you don't ask questions 😂 now us who never been in a cult. We call that a deep dive 😂😂😂😂

@butters796 Жыл бұрын

There are people with only 2 or 3 siblings who can't remember their siblings' bday, so it's perfectly normal to not be able to recall all 44. Heck, there are spouses who forget each other's bdays, and that's 1 person lol

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

Thanks for making me feel better 😆

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

😂 touché!

@andie3448 Жыл бұрын

Oh my God yes! When he was talking about this and said that about the birthdays I was like HA I have 4 siblings and only remember the months 😂 and when it comes up my entire family starts talking about it like "OMG OH YEAH!" 😂😂 Or we argue that "no it's on this day" "no... It was yesterday..." 😂 Usually on time but no one cares about their birthday just Christmas and New years.

@fairyspunfibers9098 Жыл бұрын

Ha! I forget my OWN birthday! Don't feel bad, Calvin!😊

@That_vegan_trucker_guy Жыл бұрын

I’m an ex Mormon and ex Protestant Christian and now an atheist. I loved this video. I can identify with what he said about “what if I’m wrong?” In 2 separate religions. This is an excellent video.

@LibertyBooksAZ Жыл бұрын

OMG I'm crying 😭 Calvin you hit it on the head with your story!!! I came to similar conclusions in 2009 after 30 years of increasingly box-like Christian beliefs that were harming me and my family. I was 55yo. One night I stood in an empty room & spoke out loud about my growing doubts, like what you did in your voice note. I went down a long checklist in my head, asked myself if I believed this or that... nope, nope.. crossed them off one by one. I experienced briefly the bone-chilling fears at what might happen-- Will God reject me, kill me, punish my kids etc. But after awhile of doing this I felt surprisingly okay. I looked down at my feet on the floor, looked at my hands, & asked 'well what's left?' I realized for the 1st time since my teen years (I was not raised in a faith) that I'm just a human being here on this planet. I have no idea how I got here, no idea how anything got here... & I'm okay with that. I have a working brain & body and a pair of hands & maybe I can still be of help to this world. That's all I need to know. The great mystery of life flowed back into my heart. My journey out of a high-control group was much easier than yours but that's the beauty of these stories. They have the power to connect & heal & inspire people from all walks of life. Thank you for telling it with such skill & thank you dear Shelise for being the best host ever 💯

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

I looove the conclusion you came to. And it’s almost a de-conclusion. Because it’s tied to the wonderful three words “I. Don’t. Know.” And as you said, put the mystery of life back into your heart. That is a similar experience I’ve had. Thank you for your comment :)

@juliee593 Жыл бұрын

That's so beautiful. We tend to think of people over 40 as "set in their ways", and usually people think you can never change at that point. But that's wrong, and I love hearing the stories of adults who keep transforming and turning their lives around for the better. Thank you for sharing.

@gaiagreen2690 Жыл бұрын

I was hit with the same hard, merciless, excruciatingly painful, terrifying deconstructive epiphany when I was 45, not from mormonism but from another fundamentalist, toxically patriarchal faith. My luck was that I was already divorced, because not only are all women who want to leave a marriage shunned as "dishonourable," but also everyone who leaves that religion is considered a heretic who needs to be kil*ed. Another aspect which gave me safety is that I do not live in the Middle East any more but in Europe, where I could simply cut every contact with my community and move, so even if someone thought that I needed to be punished, they'd have to find me first. My process of desillusionment lasted a few weeks, it came out of nowhere and suddenly, all that I believed dissolved and crushed into 1000 pieces. Simultaneously, all the memories of horrible things I've seen and witnessed kept washing over me like tidal waves, and sometimes even breathing was difficult and so painful. I kept swinging between extreme rage against the cruel deity I've worshipped all my live and fear of being punished by that same deity. It was the most intense experience of my life and it shook me to my core, but after a few months of that nightmare I was free. All the illogical aspects of the faith have fallen off me like dry leaves and what I was tought to obey and worship as mercy was suddenly a crystal clear gaslighting to hide the cruelty of both god and men. I walked through hell of mental suffering and physical exhaustion that literally tore me apart - and then I was free. Five years later, I am still discovering the beauty of the universe one flower at a time and even though I still feel spiritually homeless, delving into the magic of science and the reverence of nature and all life, without judging and condemning, has helped me find some sense in being alive.

@nerysghemor5781 11 ай бұрын

I'm sorry you went through that! For me it really illustrates the difference between being in a high-control group and in a more chill faith. Where I come from there always has been the understanding there's a lot we don't know, and when it comes to one's eternal destination, it's considered to be between you and God and you shouldn't make assumptions about other people because there is just so much we don't know. It really does take out a lot of possible fear when you have that acceptance of the fact that you don't and don't have to know everything.

@care4jcutube Жыл бұрын

I almost became a Mormon but when they told me I picked my family in the pre-existence I was like hell no would I have picked them. And a few other points but that was THE thing I told myself that I could not accept.

@The_Cat_Lady_ Жыл бұрын

Thats funny 😆 you almost joined and made this huge change and commitment.. everything went well and.. wait what? Are you saying I chose those fuckers? Clearly this is false religion, ok nevermind im out.

@somethinggood9267 Жыл бұрын

But such a bullshiter thing to believe and it makes me feel all indignant. I believe that Buddhist or people in the New Age believe that you choose all of your struggles that you will have in life before you were born. I doubt that a lot of abuse victims would choose to be abused. It's such a ridiculous thing to believe

@AlgoristHQ 9 ай бұрын

I am a member of the church and I've never heard that we chose our families in the pre-existence. I will definitely look for that in the church doctrine.

@dkalisd Жыл бұрын

Thank you for talking about the racism issues very honestly.

@saraht3196 Жыл бұрын

i was convinced i’d seen an interview from him before because the overall story seemed familiar, and turns out i saw his interview with anthony padilla! he’s such an engaging speaker and this several-hour deep dive gave so many more interesting details. such a great interview

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

Oh you saw the Padilla convo! Heck yes. That’s the one that kicked this whole thing off

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Yes! Calvin was connected to me by a friend and when I watched his Padilla interview I knew we had to go deeper 😁

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

@@CultstoConsciousness which we did, especially with the audionote. I’m happy we got to show more of that moment

@somethinggood9267 Жыл бұрын

I didn't grow up in a cult or anything , but his story about how it felt when he left his cult felt very familiar to me. It is very much the way I have been feeling after leaving my narcissistic abusers. I am all on my own and I am slowly sinking into a dark depression with way too much time to think. Hearing his story made me feel seen because even if it's through different conduits people go through the same thing everywhere. It encouraged me to maybe reach out for help

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing ❤️ I hope you can find assistance and peace

@sedonarose7563 10 ай бұрын

You’re on the right path. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. One foot in front of the other. Get up, suit up, show up. 🥰🥰🥰 All those words of wisdom have helped me get through times when I felt I was drowning.

@uniqueLeo08 Жыл бұрын

That voice note, what we were gifted to hear, was self awareness and actualization personified. You can hear him making the decision, tough as it may be to leave that community he was raised in. He made the decision for his future self, this self we see now.

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Pretty amazing we were able to witness that, right?

@uniqueLeo08 Жыл бұрын

@Cults to Consciousness yes!!!! I hope he continues to use it to tell his story.

@Rain_Reign 8 ай бұрын

Yes, so beautiful and such a gift to be trusted with that ♥️

@ethanstump Жыл бұрын

Going through the temple was the thing that finally impressed upon me that something was wrong. I had doubts throughout my teenage years, but I was told that my doubts would be resolved by the temple. Yes, but it's because they were no longer doubts but full on disbelief. Oddly enough, now that I no longer believe, I kind of wish I could go through the temple again, just to fully look at it from a different perspective, and see how stupid it all is.

@LiterallyLisa1 Жыл бұрын

Calvin, the way that you so rationally and calmly are able to speak about your truths and realizations is profound. It is an art form to be able to speak out against coercive control without being antagonistic, and yet you’ve done just that. I hope to see more of you in the future!

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

What an epic compliment. Thank you ❤

@LiterallyLisa1 Жыл бұрын

@@officialcalvinwayman of course! I’d love to see you on SPTV. I’m convinced that you could get boatloads of deprogramming started :)

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

@Downtone Abbey-what is SPTV, a cable show?

@anonymousone9699 Жыл бұрын

Oh my God, this man just reminded me of the goodness that is in all of us. His heart is truly open to love. I rarely feel safe, I rarely feel at home, this moment just gave me that. His vm message is profound.

@bonnielucas1941 Жыл бұрын

Calvin, i truly admire the depth of soul searching you have done to come to your conclusions. Thank you for sharing your story! Thank you, Shelise for bringing this to us! 💕💐🏵️🥀 After hearing more, I'm so glad that you reached out for help when you needed it. So Brave! 🎇

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

@lindatannock Жыл бұрын

Really enjoyed the interviews! You two work really well together. You definitely need to have him as a guest again! ♥️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Thanks, Linda!😁

@beachgirl6305 Жыл бұрын

Omg! I had the same reaction that you did, with the profit having the wrong name! I'm so glad he shared his story! He was so vulnerable AND to the masses, here!

@imthemapimthemap Жыл бұрын

Incredible interviewee and interviewer!!! Love the work you’re both doing and so excited to see more!

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! Happy to have you here at C2C!

@techwithbec 11 ай бұрын

This dude is so likeable, I really enjoyed listening to the first episode and this one. He has a certain passion and excitement when he shares his experiences that is so wonderful to listen to. Great episodes!

@CultstoConsciousness 11 ай бұрын

I agree! He’s very passionate and magnetic in his delivery.

@officialcalvinwayman 10 ай бұрын

❤

@joannegrieco8523 Жыл бұрын

There's such a thing as even a cult of two which is really when you're with a Controlling/abusive person

@officialcalvinwayman 11 ай бұрын

Solid point here.

@nickywal Жыл бұрын

I saw Calvin's interview with Amanda Rae but it never stops being fascinating and horrifying. It just shows why these groups restrict education for everyone, nothing is going to trap people like this

@vancekern627 8 ай бұрын

I certainly agree with you Calvin. We have only one life we know of certain, the one we're living right now. Being true to myself and just being a decent human feels good to me and that's how I live it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

@elizabethconnolly3260 Жыл бұрын

Shelise, this was just great. As a mom who raised her kids to be independent thinkers, it pains my heart to hear stories of childhoods like Calvin’s and yours. I am filled with respect and awe at his bravery and the others’, to have made that giant leap. I’m also filled with admiration and humility at your and the others general lack of bitterness and blame. You are able to forgive, which is the best thing for YOUR happiness and lives. You acknowledge the pain, abuse and control, as you keep moving on. Calvin, I think you are already having an amazing life which will just better, as you continue to live your truths! Thank you for sharing your story❤

@GriffinStitches Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is inspirational for many perspectives. I am in the middle of a divorce, nothing related to religion or cults, but your story still resonated from the perspective of leaving the “comfortable”, and doing a hard thing that is more true to yourself. It is scary, and those moments of “was this the right choice?” but moving forward anyways. ETA: The perspective you get on how messed up a situation is once you are outside it is mind blowing…

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

It’s totally relevant, yes. Leaving our “normal” isn’t easy

@Steve-the-Reiki-guy Жыл бұрын

There are so many parallels in his journey out to my journey of coming to terms with my sexuality. Choosing the internal guidance, totally rings true to me.

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

✊

@NeptunesHorses5909 Жыл бұрын

The looks of the families description is exactly the way we horse girls talk about families within groups within breeds: the predominant stamp of the family look, and variations due to specific inclusions, amount of line breeding to sources, and outcrosses considered particularly successful "nicks," or less optimal or one-off, and how they all breed on into the future.

@stephanieamy3721 Жыл бұрын

Shelise and Calvin another insightful interview. I can imagine so many people mirroring your experiences after leaving the cult, religion whatever you feel best describes it. After leaving the JW's after only ten years, I had nightmares, that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. As you said what if they are right I had now placed myself outside away from family and friends. Leaving is such a hard thing to do I am very proud of you and thank you for pointing out that the Samaritans are only a phone call away. Talking to someone who is not judgemental, just listens can feel so empowering. I'm really looking forward to your podcasts. Keep enjoying this life, it's special for sure.

@AmyBumble Жыл бұрын

I've had to watch these two videos in chunks today in between work, kids and chores haha! But wow... I was absolutely enthralled and engaged with Calvin's "story" throughout. (I feel like "story" is cliche? I realise you're both more than a story lol). I'm a 34 year old psychology researcher from all the way over in Wales but fundamental mormonism is a fascination of mine, and this level of insight and just... reflection from both of your experiences is truly amazing content to consume. Thank you both for putting this out into the world. Just off to also also subscribe/follow Calvin on everything I can find 🤣👍

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

Oh hey! I love psychology as I’ve had to study a fair bit of my own, albeit in a very crude manner. But I’m definitely a fan

@AmyBumble Жыл бұрын

@Calvin Wayman I bet you have! You've had some very unique life experiences haha! I'm blown away by how you've adapted into mainstream society given the long term conditioning you lived with. And your intellect and personality shines through in these interviews with Shalise. Wishing you an epic, long and happy future my friend 💕👍

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

@@AmyBumble thank you Amy :)

@fairyspunfibers9098 Жыл бұрын

Once again, Shelise, thank you for conducting another really great interview! ❤ You find the most interesting people! Calvin, thank you so much for coming back and finishing your story. It was so gripping, and uplifting for me. 😊💕

@officialcalvinwayman 11 ай бұрын

I’m happy to hear that.

@fabulousm659 Жыл бұрын

I am so enjoying your channel and the stories. The fact that you are not bashing any religion or idealology, just sharing people stories and how they developed into the person they are today. I love his discription of a large family, I thought my family was big with 10 children. I was the oldest girl and second to oldest and growing up with lots of siblings is an entire diffrent way of life in and of itself.

@djdingwall1 Жыл бұрын

I was really really touched by this episode. I teared up in many places. This young man is completely inspiring. I wish I could be so open and express myself verbally. I definitely felt validated listening to both of you converse with one another.❤❤

@Grace.allovertheplace Жыл бұрын

1:17:45 That’s really beautiful said! I’ve heard a few people come to the same conclusion, but I always tears up (in a good way) because that’s means to me at least that there’s no resentment/no grudges that’s holding You back. And that’s the beautiful part. Thanks for yet another interesting podcast as always. Many thanks to the both of you 🤍 With kindness and respect, GraceGoogh

@JulianaBittencourt24 Жыл бұрын

One of my FAVORITE episode(s) so far. Can't wait for Calvin's podcast. ❤

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Love to hear that!

@newgabe09 Жыл бұрын

Thank you, Calvin. it's 40 years since I left the organisation I was part of, and I'm currently looking back on that time and what happened both to me, and the group. When I left the group was moving from an 'ordinary' religious (Buddhist) group to more cultish. For myself, I was only in it for 6 years, not since childhood, but much of what you say about starting again resonates with me. And storytelling. Well done and best wishes forever.

@LadybugMilissa Жыл бұрын

I’ve been waiting for this! Great way to start my morning. Thanks for sharing your story!

@lome5914 Жыл бұрын

Me too! Now I have something to listen to while making breakfast 🍳 ☕️

@nsasupporter7557 Жыл бұрын

How do you get on this to share your story?

@amberwinters7420 Жыл бұрын

I started watching folks deconstruct before your channel. I've known about "Holding Out Hope" for a few years but just now realized i don't know the story of the founders. Would love to see an interview with them! Such a great resource. I have donated and will do so again. So amazed by anyone who can free their minds like this.

@abigailregan4118 Жыл бұрын

omg u are totally awesome for reading my question!!! thank you both so much!

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

It was a great question!!🙌

@matanapoupko9130 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Calvin, I think I listen to every single episode you ever put out. You say things that people can relate to and you're so real and authentic about the hardship of the journey and the struggles of seeking truth in our own truth. Phenomenal episode. I'm grateful to Heather parody that introduced me to you. When people reach out to me regarding their struggle leaving the Orthodox Jewish Community I often send them the episode you shared on my podcast because there is so much wisdom in there . like I mentioned before, I often use the quote you taught me 3 years ago, you mentioned it on this podcast as well. Sometimes we leave a fear of going to hell behind in order to avoid wasting our current life living a how by not living our true belief. So grateful for your work. Shelise, thank you for this amazing interview. You do a masterful job. You are both and inspiration

@marthav.4654 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Chalice and Calvin. So many wonderful insights.

@v.loveslaughter1968 Күн бұрын

When I listened to his recording, I could almost hear the blinders being ripped from off of his eyes..I could hear the doctrine falling away from his life in huge chunks and I'm amazed that he came so quickly to the truth of the matter. The champion of the human spirit prevails and is in a rebirth of sorts.. a phoenix rising in glory from the ashes of a fallen temple in a dead world... AWESOME!

@mitzifrancis9843 Жыл бұрын

Wonderful interview and engaging life story. Thank you both so much. There were insights shared that I needed to hear.

@sarahclark666 Жыл бұрын

This was such a good conversation - very engaging and insightful! Keep up the great work, Shelise :) looking forward to Calvin’s podcast too!

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, Sarah!! I’m happy you enjoyed it 😁

@Honey_Daddy Жыл бұрын

You should feel proud. That voice note is the voice of an honestly good man. One id be honored to be friends with. One id be willing to fight for because he fought his own demons by himself and did it for truth. That is special.

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

✊

@BlessYourHeart254 Жыл бұрын

The older I get and the father away from religion I get, the more ridiculous the idea of an “afterlife” seems. Basic biology dictates we are born, we live for a time, and then die, which biology dictates means no longer being conscious. Dying doesn’t scare this atheist as I think it’s just lights out like going to sleep. Nothing to fear. And very few regrets as I inevitably get closer to that. Life is even more precious to me since this is the only one I’m gonna have. Good on both of you ❤❤❤

@TirraOmilade 4 ай бұрын

I am a Gen Xer and as a young girl, I wasn't into Christiantiy but went with it as that's how I was taught. I eventually began to drift away but it was very hard. Hearing Calvin's note was incredible to me...there were times when I would finish his sentence and when he did...it was my exact words because that was a conversation that I had with myself right around the same age. I still struggle with not being part of a religion and feeling judged for it but wow...this episode made me feel so seen and validated. Thank you!

@ricdavid7476 6 ай бұрын

I found this one of your best guests . Fascinating and truthful and frightening in many ways .

@chapman1569 Жыл бұрын

This interview is even better than the first one, he talks more about his story and how he came about to his personal truth. I am sure his testimony will help others.

@3rdsamuel23 9 ай бұрын

Great Interview!

@chaucernerd1690 Жыл бұрын

I really enjoyed this. Thank you for sharing!

@mdperkins1482 Жыл бұрын

I can relate to SO much that u went thru Calvin. I lived with a lot of uncertainty & guilt for a long time. When I couldn’t come to a solid path to travel, I talked to God & told Him that if I was doing wrong, please forgive me & help me to find what I need to do. I love Him & only want to please Him. It has been 10 years since my exit from the LDS belief & still always looking & btw, praising & thanking my Father in Heaven, my creator & source of peace. Also, fyi~I get a lot of comfort from the Near Death Experiences, videos. Great video u 2. Peace✌️

@alliacovington1368 11 ай бұрын

Totally love listening to Calvin. So many similarities to how I was raised and how things were perceived. Can’t help but chuckle.

@terivessella8909 Жыл бұрын

I love this podcast. Calvin, what is your status with your children?

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Thanks, Teri! 😁

@sidstovell2177 9 ай бұрын

Me, too.

@christinaalvarez332 Жыл бұрын

WOW, so incredibly inspiring! Thank you for sharing your life and journey with us, Calvin!

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

❤

@kymdebler518 4 ай бұрын

I started watching because of the algorithm and a recommendation. This video resonating with me so much, I've never been in a cult or high pressure group but a lot of what he was saying made so much sense

@evermore331 Жыл бұрын

The audience engagement piece was very fun - I hope it can return in the future! :)

@howieroarke Жыл бұрын

Happy to see the channel growing. Congrats on the 30K subscribers.

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, Howie!! That means a lot! 🥰

@joannegrieco8523 Жыл бұрын

It takes courage to no longer be a sheeple, I'm proud of you

@marysalisbury9270 Жыл бұрын

This was a great conversation..

@LL-sj3is Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your amazing story. Please do a podcast. You have a lot to contribute!!

@officialcalvinwayman 11 ай бұрын

Deal. :) Aug 4

@EM-ub3hn Жыл бұрын

I loved this entire conversation. Fantastic energy!! Positive vibes!! Love it!!

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

🥳😁

@pyenygren2299 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for all your interesting videos. I love how kind you are.

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Oh my goodness thank you for the Super Thanks!! 🥰🥰🥰 and for your support🙏

@sherrybowie8843 Жыл бұрын

Loved this entire video but the last part about the church of 1 resonates with me so much. Never thought about it this way. I know I'm no longer a Christian but I embrace the light in and around me. I live a much better life without labels.

@katmur7136 Жыл бұрын

I've watched quite a few of your videos and just really appreciate your interviewing style. Your compassionate and still keep the conversation cohesive, flowing, and fill in the gaps just when I feel myself not understanding the cult speak. Although I wasn't in a cult, my family put tremendous pressure on me to fill a mold instead of being myself. I find a lot of inspiration in your theme of "personal sovereignty" and discover many similarities in my journey with those you interview. I appreciate you exposing how difficult it is to break out of "the box". If you can also find time to focus on how folks survive the aftermath of losing everything and feeling unmoored, that is what I find so tricky. Would you interview one of the groups that help people adjust or a therapist that specializes in these cases? I'm curious if we all have similar challenges and what most helps those be successful on their own. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Thank you for such a kind and complimentary comment, Kat! Smiling over here 🥰 Yes, I think that’s a great idea. I will add it to our list!

@clsmithent Жыл бұрын

Hi 👋 Great video. Awesome young man. He talks with his heart on his sleeve. I found you thru Morman Stories. I have never been a Mormon but have been exposed living with in a community. Thank you for your channel

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Hi Cheryl! Welcome to C2C! ❤️

@GrumpyVickyH Жыл бұрын

Great interview Shelise, Calvin I hope you continue to thrive in your journey.

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Thanks, Vicky!

@liseklerekoper2441 8 ай бұрын

What a dynamic & personable guy. Thank you for sharing your story & insights. I don’t think I’m ever going to forget the shadow & cave philosophical story from your professor. Also looking forward to checking out your podcast when it drops. You’re a natural for this type of media!!!

@officialcalvinwayman 7 ай бұрын

This means a lot! Thank you

@jessicathurston6494 Жыл бұрын

This is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are so insightful and you said everything so well. Hearing your story helps me understand mine. Thank you so much.

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

I love hearing that! 🙏

@Inviting_truth 8 ай бұрын

As an ex-evangelical Christian, I have a small understanding of the pain and desolation of deconstructing your faith. Calvin's strength to get help is absolutely inspiring and it's so good to see the "after" of the whole process.

@shaunaantoinette7897 8 ай бұрын

I came across this channel a few days ago and Ive been hooked. It’s so interesting to hear people’s stories. I knew nothing about this religion, but I cant stop watching! I live in Jamaica

@popiejopie8788 8 ай бұрын

I feel the exact same thing. Shelise makes every guest so comfortable to speak, she can relate to them by similar experience. And every story gives a different perspective of the Cult life and the life after escaping from it. I am from the Netherlands.

@NancyCronk Жыл бұрын

Idea for future podcasts: I would like to see you address the two stories recently where one spouse poisoned another spouse, and killed them. One was in CO and one was in Utah. Seemingly perfect Mormon families who were very involved in their churches. Is murder an easier sometimes because divorce is so stigmatized, or is it a coincidence that these two stories were eerily smilar?

@eleanorbarsic8065 8 ай бұрын

This is one of the most important conversations I've ever heard

@officialcalvinwayman 7 ай бұрын

❤

@andie3448 Жыл бұрын

I have to comment about the part where you brought up the therapy. Personally i didnt have a good experience with the hotline but the way they helped you goes to show that the simple act of LISTENING and understanding what we say helps dramatically. Theres been too many times where people simply say im hurting myself and get kidnapped to a facility when they said they needed someone to talk to. Therapy is great but doctors dont understand what we're really trying to say a lot of the time. It makes me really happy to hear that Calvin got what he needed from it. Please if you need help, its easier to ask for it. Then be forced to get it. Nobody is alone in this world. Focus on your own peace.

@SP-KevinConklin Жыл бұрын

Fantastic interviews. Calvin is a great example of how cutting those chains can be very beneficial to ones life and future.

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Absolutely!!

@MissMomo777 7 ай бұрын

Pretty sure that the voice message in this video is what helped me finally break the shelf and leave the church, myself. All the love.❤ Thank you.

@CultstoConsciousness 7 ай бұрын

❤️you got this

@officialcalvinwayman 7 ай бұрын

Whoa!

@danihawkinspreissler8017 10 ай бұрын

One life. Right now. This is what we have. Thank you! One of my favorite guests you've had.

@tessmackay2945 9 ай бұрын

Love him and his story! I could listen to him all day!!!! Much love and respect ❤❤❤

@officialcalvinwayman 9 ай бұрын

Just started a podcast :)

@thisbeem2714 Жыл бұрын

We gotta start over when we gotta start over. Age doesn't matter. I can't imagine starting over from such a rigid place. I can understand starting over as a middle aged person. Thank you. "If you can get honest with yourself...." Yes. That is the ultimate journey

@KGchannel01 Жыл бұрын

"You can never get enough of something that almost - but doesn't quite work" That is a great observation. Those words express well my thoughts when I first heard about the 2nd anointing. After all of the other things that are supposed to guarantee salvation, this is the one that really works. But I thought, you only need all of these assurances if you are deep down still really insecure.

@leonoracradlesmith9902 10 ай бұрын

Wow a very powerful message. I admire his strength and humanity.

@AtypicalPaul 9 ай бұрын

Great conversation

@elizabethdavis8594 Жыл бұрын

This can all be so intense sometimes. It does help to go out on our own and decide for ourselves what we are and where we need to be.

@geniereiman1089 Жыл бұрын

I'm wondering about his relationship with his 2 children. Calvin, are you allowed to see them? Do you have anu contact at all with them? Just curious.

@officialcalvinwayman Жыл бұрын

Yes, we coparent.

@valeried7210 Жыл бұрын

Calvin, you seem very young but also very old. I suppose that's because of all that you had to sort through mentally and also your new lease on life. I'm so glad you called Suicide Prevention. That takes a lot of bravery and self-awareness. You are very fun to listen to. I'm sure your podcast will be popular.

@officialcalvinwayman 11 ай бұрын

This is so sweet. Thank you :)

@saegemehlfee Жыл бұрын

im so glad hearing that voice note makes you feel proud

@allthings2allmen 3 ай бұрын

Calvin makes a really good point beginning @1:16:30. Paraphrasing him, a little leaven leavens the whole lump.

@Yoonie_Stars Жыл бұрын

The first comment you featured is actually a "Super Thanks", it's basicallty the same as a Superchat but for video's. Superchats are exclusively for live streams.

@jcc6789 11 ай бұрын

Imagine starting over in your late 50s with zero family, no spouse - after escaping a cult, a lifetime of abuse. Finally moved out of state with my dogs.

@renegarofalo1569 Жыл бұрын

Spectacular!

@hopegold883 Жыл бұрын

“That’s a lot.” Just what I thinking. Bless that suicide prevention worker.

@aprilwashington3150 Жыл бұрын

I'm just 10 min in and I already see a drastic difference from the girls who left from the boys who left. Calvin (and other male stories I've heard) paints a picture of a "happy" life, whereas the girls right off the bat, describes the living nightmare. Has anyone noticed that from the different interviews?

@emilybarclay8831 Жыл бұрын

Well yeah, obviously. A cult designed from the ground up to provide men with children and young women to have sex with is gonna be kinder to the men. It was built for men by men.

@codename495 Жыл бұрын

Clearly you are presenting a level of understanding you do not have. While I’m sure there have been matriarchal cults the vast majority are patriarchal in nature and males are heavily favored over females whose purpose is as breeding, sex and currency. You ranting at him, and literally blaming him for his not being chosen to marry is inane. Who the fuck cares that he wasn’t chosen, who cares that what they called “prayers” you call business? You go after him for not realizing the hell the women were going through when he was literally a child being raised in that world and the women aren’t allowed to show anything but sweetness and meekness? Grow up.

@sundinfamforlife4129 8 ай бұрын

While I agree to some point, I think it’s important to get both sides of the coin.

@amandapettigrew5471 8 ай бұрын

hearing barlow brings back memories of a boy i used to talk to online who’s family was FLDS…. i almost forgot about that

@NYKim_NY Жыл бұрын

I wish you'd look into interviewing Heather Daybell. She has an interesting story to tell. I've watched a couple podcasts with her being interviewed, one was by Jenn Kamp. I just wanted to pass her name off as she has lots to say. I just found your channel, really good stuff!

@lorib4675 Жыл бұрын

Thanks!

@WaditaX Жыл бұрын

i didnt had to deal with religion and cults, i mean i was kind of catholic... it messed me up yes, but i relate more with me leaving my narcissistic mother's house at 27, now i just turned 28 yesterday. It is my first birthday after all that i lived, that fear of making a life changing desition with a 50/50 change of going to trash... but still make it proud at the end, even when it was rough. The fear of no one believing you because that is what they told you, and you believed it! i allways cry when someone says "that was a lot"

@CultstoConsciousness Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and Happy Birthday!

@AtypicalPaul 9 ай бұрын

58ish when his talk audio is played is very powerful.

@b-spradling 9 ай бұрын

49:49 This description is EXACTLY how I have felt since leaving Christianity. I was in a ministry degree program, last semester, and at a moral quandary about how I truly believed. This feeling of if I’m wrong, because I chose this as a child, then I’m doomed. I still have moments a year later where I question things. But then I remember how all of that shame from being an SA survivor and apart of the LGBT community…. And the freedom I have now versus then and the peace that comes over me reminds me I did the right thing.

@user-lq4sw1cx5z 3 ай бұрын

soo awesome:)