Dude, that was so satisfying that I can't put my feelings into words. And that's ok because I no longer need validation from others.

yep..i have been honoring myself by not people pleasing ......i must remember .......i am not responsible for everyones happiness...

Thank you for sharing. Learning to be OK with not being ok is the ultimate answer to overcoming automatisms, be as it may, approval addiction or any other pattern driving us away from our true , authentic self. Big approval and thumbs up JP! :)

OMG. I came from the meat eater video but this is a great advice that can possibly save my life.

I'm lying here in the gutter with an approval syringe sticking out of my arm.

Just wanted to tell you this video came at just the right moment for me the other day. Thank you and great job! Your channel is intelligent and funny. Keep it up

JP Sears, I'm a recent fan. Both your authentic and comedic insights are what our world needs. What a gorgeous, clever spirit you are. I approve!💛

Great video, JP! Thank you for your insight! If I may be so bold as to offer, these are the steps that I have taken that have helped me break AA - at least, for most of the time: 1) Take long walks alone, consciously noticing the continuous singularity in all things. "That butterfly, dandelion, oak tree, other human being, Dalmatian, etc right there shares some of the very same DNA code that reside in the nuclei of my autosomatic cells." And the correlate: "I - the ego 'I' - am but only a slight variant of the universal 'I' that surrounds me, that makes up the particles on Mars, that lives in the supernovas of Alpha Centuri, etc. I don't need the approval of 'others;' I am 'the others.'" Sounds cheesy maybe, but can be powerful in perception alteration. 2) Begin everyday with three pages of stream-of-conscious writing. No judgements, no editing - this is for your eyes only. (e.g. "Morning Pages" as explained in Julia Cameron's fantastic Artist's Way book). Nothing is too trivial; just write without stopping. I find this aids in the connection of the synapses, which allows for easier communication of internal messages to others. Then, go talk to the faces you see in real life at your school, local café, grocery store, bank, etc. 3) YMMV, but for extreme cases like mine, get off social media. Seriously and permanently. I'm not kidding. Delete your Facebook, erase your Instagram, cancel your Twitter, etc. - anything that encourages "like-hunting." This may prove difficult at first, not only because of the social need that has built a reliance upon the drug of superficial online relationships, but also because so many peripheral items like political events, news stories, social collaboration groups, fan circles, restaurant and store coupons now resort to things like Facebook for promotion. The trade-off is now I have to dig to stay on top of current events. I have to call, email, and text friends and family. I have to visit webpages of activism groups to which I belong or product lines whose new releases I want to keep an eye on. I can't save some Android game progresses (wahhh boo-hoo). And, I don't save that $2 in the Facebook exclusive coupon for Jimmy John's or whatever. Which I guess can sound like a lot of cost. But, here on the flip-side of my decision, what I have gained back in lost self-reliance, face-to-face relations, and available free time has more than paid for itself in Facebook promotional benefits. Sorry for my novella. Hope it can help somebody else out there. Best to you and your viewers /endbabbling

"I'm JP Sears and I approve this message."

I disliked this video to help you feel comfortable without my approval... Is that okay?

Approval/Disapproval comes from the "I am not enough," belief. Yes, it's imperative to become comfortable with the discomfort of such "growth zones," but this is arguably cart-before-the-horse. In my experience, it is not possible to dissolve the addiction through treating the symptoms. Symptoms are Hydra heads that just sprout more symptoms when treated. The weed must be pulled at the root and the root of approval addiction is self disapproval. You have to be the type of person that you would approve of; a person of integrity, a person who is honest a person who is giving, kind, loving and perpetually growing. The more we become, rather than pretend to be, such a person, the more the addiction dissolves, as a byproduct. Great video, as always! Thank you!

"I just snapped my fingers like I was gonna say something smart." You are sooo awesome JP! I can't get enough of your videos man, they're hilarious and wise- best combo ever! Your advice also integrates compassion into it instead of being too hard on oneself. I love it. (don't mistake that for approval or anything, get your own! heheh)

This is definitely one of the hardest things to keep in check with emotionally, so easy to flip flop. Thank you for the insight!

Learn how to feel ok when you're not feeling ok. You hit the nail on the head!

I've needed to hear this message for a little while now but until I heard the right words in the right order, I wasn't getting it. Thanks for helping me get the message I've been needing. And I just made them work for me. "Getting comfortable with not feeling comfortable." And allowing myself to honor my own individuality. Approving of myself first. Thanks so much for this. I know this will help me be a better role model for my kids and that means the world to me, seeing them honor themselves.

"Every breath I take without your approval boosts my growing self esteem!" -Rick Sanchez, Season 4, ep 3 Rick and Morty.

"Be ok, with not feeling ok." is such a wonderful thing, I can see where it can have usefulness in other aspects of life. For instance: those heavy times of anticipation for the future, and times when needing to bite the bullet to reach a goal.

I really love the way you talk about things. Makes me feel like I am OK with all my stuff by showing your own vulnerability. I can specially relate to approval addiction. Loved the video!

It's about developing a relationship with yourself. Learn to make mistakes and forgive yourself. When you're the one you go to when unhappy or happy you don't need people's approval. You can still share with others what's happening to you but you're not dependent emotionally on their reaction or approval.

True words JP. I (unknowingly) spent a long time seeking the approval of my peers in my art practice. Upon realising this, I put myself in a vulnerable place to do work that I am happy with and enjoy doing. This led to great changes both in concepts, techniques and mediums. The truly ironic (and surprising) result was that ever since making this move, my work has never seen so much approval financially and validation..... (Pfft, not that I care! Right?!) So the lesson from now on is to keep the need for approval in check and remain in control of one's own destiny. This video gives me approval to do this :P

I think approval is a big part of our social mechanism as human beings. We need the approval of others for survival. If I commit a crime, an extreme example, society won't approve or validate that behavior and lock me up. It's hardwired in our brains to seek approval and we simple CANNOT live without approval. We are social beings and nobody can do anything on their own. That's the theory lol In practice, I have always felt invalidated and unapproved of since very early childhood. I realized that last week watching a video of self-validation. Self-validation or self-approval is basically the will and the action of validating yourself. If my name is Bob, a thought or mindset or a mantra type affirmation of self-validation would be : "Bob, you did something good now" "Bob, I validate your existence, your emotions, your thoughts, etc" "Bob, I approve of you" "Bob, you did well of not calling her" "Bob, it's okay if you don't like that person or that situation" "Bob, I'm happy you're a good person" Anyways, those are just little example of the kind of self-validation thought exercises I do to nurture my self-approval skills because I really did not know how to do so and I especially always looked at others of validation of my thoughts, actions and behavior in social settings, school, work, etc. I was always a people pleaser and it made me really uncomfortable to my core to be criticized, thus unapproved of. It made me feel incredibly insecure and I took it at heart. I always have been veeeeeeeery self-concious which is a way of wanting to be approved of by not actually being sure if your very own presence is meeting other peoples expectations, or being liked or being accepted, etc. I would feel incredibly self-conscious just crossing the street... Imagine how I was when time came to ask a girl out or her number... More than that, in the last 2 years, I became addicted to the validation of my best friend whom I fell madly in love with. I gave her the power to validate me. I didn't know I did, it was an unconscious thing. I became very sensitive to her every word and behavior concerning me. I became jealous and envious and always wanted to be with her to get that fix of validation because with her... I felt completely myself and totally at peace. Being shy and ackward, with her, I could let go and goof off and be myself all the time 100%. Because I didn't know how to validate myself, I was looking for her opinions, thoughts and advice continually to make myself feel good... It made me a codependent. I learned self-love, self-belief, self-forgiveness and now, only last week did I learn self-validation, to finally be my own man and be comfortable with validation myself. Honestly, it's only the beginning, but I can already feel way better. I have more confidence and am way less insecure and people can really less affect me with their criticism because my internal well-being is no longer 100% dependent on what other people think of me. Sure, it's only the beginning, so I do slip into insecurity, but seriously, more and more, the judgement of other people just ricochets off my skin... Day by day, I'm building my bulletproof self-approving and self-validating shield to make my happiness and well-being completely be under my jurisdiction. Basically, I'm learning to say that nobody can make me feel insecure or unhappy without my consent. For someone that has always dealt with shyness, ackwardness, social anxiety in one way or another, this is a totally life changing skill. It makes me more present, focused, grounded, confident, happy, relaxed and basically enables me to surrender to what is and let go of the past. I get all that in learning and practicing to validate and approve my soul, my existence, my emotions, my thoughts, my life, my dreams, my goals, my actions, my desires, my wants and my needs. Little by little, I'm defeating this incredibly debilitating addiction... I'm not there yet, of course, two days ago I became incredibly insecure when this beautiful girl in a library looked at me expecting me to get up and talk to her. I didn't. I froze. I wanted to. I felt she was exactly the type of sweet and gentle girl I needed and for that reason, feeling the fear of failure or rejection, I didn't move. I was feeling pretty good about myself with the new found self approval, internally somewhat showing off and being cocky, so that was a kind of test by the universe I suppose, life is a bitch sometimes :p, telling me that I've still got a ways to go.... Long comment, I know, but I just wanted to share a bit of my story to say that self-validation, as self-love or self-forgiveness, can really be life-changing and it is a really important skill to teach others and develop. Thanks JP ! Love your videos

I'm definitely stuck in the zone of always wanting approval of others, I hardly ever act myself just cause I want act how I think people want me to, and what will give me the most positive attention

Oh gosh, this is 100% my daily struggle. There are so many things I would have done differently had I not panicked and done the choices of my friends and family for their approval. Thank you for this JP!

wonderful descriptions. "womb of the self", "honoring the kingdom of the self", marvelous! inspiring JP. Thanky!

I love you being serious about our struggles with too much of everything what hinders us in spiritual and self developing progress. And I truly love your "hm", which opens room to reflect your input.

Approval addiction (for me) has its root in abandonment. You can never be abandoned. You are worthy. Honor your inner light. You are priceless and don't have to prove your being. You can never be abandoned if you don't abandon yourself. Rise up into your highest power. Take charge. I am responsible for treating myself good - and therefore setting the example of how other people shall treat me. And not the other way around.

One thing that helps me when I'm suffering from fear of not being approved is to remember that I'm really small in the other person's point of view. If I'm such a disturbance to him/her I must be only a small one, because I believe that everybody is so drowned in his/her emotions and thoughts as I am in mine.

Finally something that makes sense on that topic ! « Be okay with not feeling Okay and stop seeking people’s approval to temporary fix that feeling »

I just stumbled upon this video while watching your comedic videos. I have gone through times where I wanted peoples approval and times when I did not care. I think a large part of it is being honest with yourself and excepting who you are, your strengths and weaknesses. Like you said, it is our imperfections that make us unique. Once people realize that there imperfections are only in the eye of the beholder, you realize that there is no such thing as an imperfection, just a subjective characteristic. Once that is done, you are free from being self conscious about that characteristic and you are free to not care about anyone's approval on that characteristic.

Love the humor and the therapy. Thank you for the wise guidance.

This really helped me today. It's not from me seeking approval but from doing what my internal self has felt like I should have done instead of being in a place of mild discomfort to avoid greater discomfort

I am writing a book that my family might not approve of fully because it is about my dad's decline and death. Despite the fact that its intention is to be informative, inspiring and hopeful to the reader, my family may disapprove of me telling the story. So I am adjusting to being uncomfortable and not seeking their approval for the bigger picture of helping others.

you know, I think I've got it figured. I don't care for approval or disapproval, I am happy with me.

I left a friendship that I was so desperate to have, seeking her approval and putting my own feelings on hold, because I did not want to feel uncomfortable, make waves, and go against her. It did not work and the friendship was at a not very authentic level.

Learn, and really understand that every individual is different, values different things, has different experiences, and therefore is completely unqualified to judge you on any level. This takes learning to look at things from several angles (as many angles as you can), from several perspectives. As soon as you do that, you realize, as I said, nobody, other than yourself, is qualified to judge you about anything, and you are fine just as you are. Of course, if you're the only person qualified to judge yourself, be prepared for some pretty harsh judgement... then you have to learn to forgive yourself, and that's a whole different topic.

Where have you been all my life .... you are a true gems .. an advocate of truth ... awesome message !!

You are a rare breed JP. love your comedy and your serious videos. Both are from the mind of a highly intelligent and sensitive person. So glad my friend turned me onto you.

JP you make me feel uncomfortable, but I feel comfortable in that uncomfort. Thank you.

I'm sure this has been written a hundred times in a hundred different ways (this way being one of them), but your words here are so wise and I had previously never considered approval addiction or the remedy. Beautifully analyzed and so very helpful. Thank you for taking the time to discuss something that aided someone who didn't even think they needed it. ❤️

We all have never-ending limitless love and grace from God, which is better than approval.

Everyone sees the world through her own lens ... which means that if someone disapproves of you ... in other words judges you ... it is because this is a place within herself where she is not accepting and chances are a place where you are also judgy-judgy of yourself and others. In this world the only real foe you will meet lies within. Learn to be appreciative of yourself and others as much as possible. (A. Hicks) The more you move to appreciation, the more you will receive it from others and when you don't get it, you will have the self-love to laugh it off. And even though you will be constantly receiving approval from others, you will lose the hunger for it. You will obtain self-satiation. To being uncomfortable ... suffering ... this is a sign that your thought patterns are off ... that you are experiencing fear and/or judging. I would be wary of becoming comfortable with suffering. Long term this will lead to depression or anger. Just the way it works. Note the suffering but don't hang out there. Personally I have lost the need for approval from the world at large ... at least today;) There is no controlling the way others think. But as recently discovered I still very much seek it from those I hold a little dearer. There is no perfection and we all remain rapidly improving works-in-progress. Cut yourself and others slack. Choose compassion and love over empathy and suffering. JP, you don't need my approval but I think you rock the man-bun. Always a pleasure when I see you have released a new video.

My ex was an approval addict to the extreme. He wanted so badly to be accepted by everyone and be liked he changed his personality constantly to fit whoever he was around. It really mad me sad for him. He tried so hard to get my acceptance and approval and i gave it so freely that he didnt need me in his life. He was also a positivity addict. He couldnt accept any emotions that are considered negative. This is something he isnt 100% aware of. I wish I could have helped him.

JP I loved this especially as women especially we seek approval to the extent of even changing our bodies with liposuction, implants, botox, fillers, face lifts and so on. It is really like a chronic disease to look nice and be nice. Thank you for this.

I was _going_ to give this a thumbs up, but thought twice because I don't want to enable you. ;O)-

I see you have 10% approval. So I will neither approve or not approve. I think I just validated, well done JP.

What I find really helps, because I would seek approval chronically, is to say "I approve of myself" repeatedly until the need to get approval from the other person goes away, which usually isn't long!

''Learn to feel ok with not feeling ok''. Yes sir!

Your videos have helped me a lot with a difficult time in my life, you have no idea how i appreciate your videos

This is pure brilliance. Thank you so much!

JP, initially I didn't want to watch this video because I don't give a shit about approval. But after two months I figured you are not going to put up another video unless you receive some positive energy. So here you go. I watched the video and I learned that although I don't seek approval, I still fear disapproval. Thanks for that.

Learn to feel ok for not feeling ok - wow how so profound

this video leads me to the root of the problem of how I was raised to seek approval, thank you very much for answering this! I will strive to raise my own children to not value approval so highly

Love that you're insightful but have humor videos too. I'm so happy I found you!

I found this channel after seeing a funny video/comedy focused video a friend sent me. But many of these are pretty profound. I have gained some valuable tools here. Thank you.

It is not easy being right when others around us are wrong. Just say and do the right thing and please God.

not skipping the ads cause you're awesome dude

I hate making other people feel uncomfortable I don't know why I try to make other people happy so much!

Thank you, very useful thoughts. I'm handling my need for approval by seeking it in a relaxed way whenever possible. Actually, I found that I get much more approval from others when I don't try to force it. And I will also feel much more self respect, than if I run after it in a very needy way. So I try to keep an attitude of: If I get approval for something I do that's good, if I don't, I don't care to much. But of course that's only possible when I'm already feeling mostly good about myself. During less balanced phases of my life it's much harder/impossible not to feel disappointed.

"The best we can do is the best we can do. Which is...doing our best...". Simple truths are the best truths, but we need to hear them. This is absolutely spot on and clear when I think about it, but I could see it showing up in one of the humor videos. It's like "3/4 of the population makes us 75% of the people." 😀🙏🏻 (happy+prayer hands emoji refutes the vibration of possible sarcasm) This is excellent info. Forwarded to a few people I'm helping who are stuck in a cycle of AA. THANKS, JP!

You Proved it to Me, JP.

If I don't dishonor myself, don't give myself away, then I get to be myself. That sounds like freedom to me :-)

Now, because of this advice I did fall into the next addiction. I'm addicted to beeing ok by not feeling ok. How can I solve this one? 😂

Thank you for tolerating mosquitoes and bugs etc, to get these beautifully done videos with gorgeous organic backgrounds. I did it a few times for singing a song and it's not as easy as it looks...but it looks so good. :-) Gorgeous like a work of art..

Be ok with not being ok... love how you put this..thanks JP

We all have to do this to some degree. To land jobs, important contracts or to win the esteem of influential people. We have to demonstrate that we are right for that job etc. However, it is much more important for you to become the person that YOU approve of, in spite of what other people think. To live according to the values that are most important to yourself. So become the best YOU that YOU can be regardless of what other people think. And then approve of yourself when you make strides of becoming that better YOU!

I used to read a column by a drag performer/nightclub promoter in San Francisco who wrote once "validation is never pretty"...lol.... I love that.

I think social media has turned a lot of people into approval junkies, myself included. Always checking to see how many "Likes" I got for one post or another. I found this one very helpful, thanks JP.

You explain in a very clear and elegant way. Thank you.

I have an approval addiction and I want to be cured! Thanks for the video! I have been trying for years to be okay with not feeling okay .. actually I think that I am someone who feels uncomfortable being comfortable... it’s why I’ve been taking ice cold showers for over a year! But unfortunately is has not cured my need for everyone’s approval.

Subscribed! And since I'm awesome, obviously you are awesome too! :D Self-approval should be bounded and unlimited. Bounded in that you set the 'rules' which you live by, and unlimited in that when you do everything according to your own rules you get to feel as self-satisfied as you possibly can. - Then the normal faults of being human; forgetfulness, lassitude, and fickleness can and will bring you safely back to earth. - Humans are such perverted creatures that we can learn our own faults and engineer them into an advantage, such as setting up your action-reward system based on addiction and enlightened self-interest. It is important to feel good about yourself. So important in fact that logic, reason, and social expectations take a back seat to this feeling. The reason for this is that without feeling good about yourself you won't maintain the energy to participate in and contribute to society. It's a double-whammy, and this is why the opposite, depression, is such a terrifying, debilitating disease. If you can not self-approve, and still need approval so that your basic ability to learn still functions, then seeking the approval of perhaps a teacher or a parent becomes one of your very few options. These people however are fallible human beings, and they might fail to teach you in the long-term to self-approve. Observe, that this is leading up to the conclusion that your self-approval does not need to be justified. You make your own rules. You do not need a reason to live. To be alive is enough. In this state of mind, find bliss in simply breathing! Let I AM I become I AM!

i like the comedy/commentary stuff, but this kinda of content is why i subscribed, JP.. Happy new year man.

Is it okay to cry hysterically in order to get to the point with being okay with not being okay?

Or you could become the person people seek approval from... the Approver. Once you are an Approver then you will realize that what you really wanted was people approving of your approvals. That's how strong businesses recognize contributions and success. Your targeted focus on developing high quality experiences of approval gratification for those around you will yield productivity dividends that enhance your organization through collaborative emotional engagements. Your approval brings synergy, solidarity and cohesion to your peer group. Your endorsement of others is your most valuable contribution.

came here for humor anf wit, found sound advice. thumbs up

I feel ok with this video. Is that ok?

Thanks for this, makes total sense, I guess approval in itself is to see a video which confirms there's more people feeling this way than just me for example, so thumbs up! :)

Do unto others, as you would have others, do unto you. But, better not to think that others will do unto you, as would do unto them. Confucius I concur with your video, it is 100% USDA approved.

Good job JP - Thanks for sharing your wisdom!

I approve! 😋 Thanks for the video and talking about this subject.

One thing that my delusional ego was considering during this video was another way to approach feeling the fear of needing of approval. This was that, on top of learning to feel okay with not being okay, perhaps we can also learn to feel okay with other people not illustrating approval. My immediate neuron connection relates this idea to removing attachment, as the buddhist belief goes. This may not be the only way to grow in the area, however I see it as an option. Disregarding how to approach it, I think that the idea of 'being okay with other NOT being okay' is significant. Chances are, one instance of no given approval does not signify loss of connection, just that our minds quickly travel to this conclusion. Brain chocolate. Food for thought

Damn. Thought provoking. Approval Addiction is something that I suspected of myself, but lurking in the depths. I always thought of myself as independent of others' approval, but it simply isn't true. I will try to implement the strategies in the video to my own life.

The books from Brene Brown are really good. Definitly worth reading!

You made some really great points. Loved it.

You are the bomb dude! You totally nail it with the teal swans and company out there. Thank you!!!

Hi JP , I like the fact that you are giving several possible interpretations , cause we all are wired differently, .... a lot depends on our state of mind, I think.

@9:33 "The womb of our own self". I like that. That's where I want to find validation.

The best honesty I've heard in a loooonnng while!

wow you really are ultra spiritual!!! this is awesome^^

Awesome video! Spoke to me and how I feel about posting certain content on my channel. Watching this was definitely a confidence-booster. Keep it up!

Just after the video ended, that tailopez.com ad came up..."hey...I'm here in ma...back...yyyard" and "people are always askin' me.." Here is a guy trying to get rich off other people's need for approval and to be rich. Nothing worse than someone showing you their stuff (unless you want to see their stuff), but that kind of thing used to be considered tacky, both to ask or to show. Thank you Robin Leach.

JP this is a bit of a different insight. I think every human being needs validation and encouragment. For some reason we are hard wired that way. It's in our being. However, when our parents don't validate and love us through every emotional experience aka unconditional love... it can be very had on us. From those of us coming out of "emotional neglect" types of situations.. it's important to realize connection.. as well as validation.. is very vital in our road to recovery. Denying that is insanity. But realistically yes we can't get it 24/7, so we either have to learn how to validate ourselves or be OK with not getting it all the time :D

I love your presence!

That was amazing and diplomatically worded for anyone whose considered themselves recovering from any compulsive habit. It sounds like you have a true understanding of the moment to moment nuance that are the instructions - the blueprint - to the solution. Lots of good stuff. Well articulated - I needed to be reminded again of what was so simple when I first learned it so long ago. It fucking works, doesn't it? Acceptance

This is awesome

- How do I get over approval addiction? - You should ask everyone what they think about it. Share your story on facebook and youtube to see how many people like that you want to get over your addiction.

Hmm interesting. Some ponderings.... perhaps if youre empathic and sensative, youll always be looking outside of yourself for validation of what youve said or what youve done - because - you know it effects others, and youd feel bad if you hurt someone. The thing is ... you dont have to be responsible for other peoples reactions, thats thier stuff. What you could focus on instead is speaking your truth with respect (regardless of if this offends others, no one has the right NOT to be offended btw) so long as you do this sensitively and with tact. That way youll get into the habit of being "yourself", relaxing into yourself, and youll feel more confident. Its never a bad thing to seek advice or to talk to others to check whether what you said or did was a bit off... thats called self reflection, thats healthy. But to be addicted to doing that because your scared of other people reaction for some reason... hmm that could be self defeating. "Is what ive said or done correct for me? is what i said or done the truth as i see it? did i mean to hurt others?" --- if these internal questions arrise and you are ok with them. Then you dont need someone else to tell you that those things... This is your life experince after all. For example, something like: whats the meaning of life? the meaning of life is to give life your OWN meaning. All the best

I head hurts from this video

This makes a lot of sense. Thanks for explaining. Very helpful.

I'm so glad I found you 👩‍💼🐺 after a horrible 10 years and loosing my best dog 🐺 friend last week a f d up relationship.I get it how to turn everything opposite and laugh at myself ,I so get the mirror image now . Thanks

Great video JP. Exactly what i needed to hear today, as i have been frequently wondering why i seek approval for a few weeks now. Thank you!