I've come a long way to realize that I don't need to be responsible for how other people feel ( even if they are my parents or siblings ), how they feel is actually their responsiblity, not mine. I am only responsible for how I feel. Most importantly, I am not a bad person for doing this. Self-care and self-love is not a bad thing, it is our first priority. Thanks for reminding me of that!

the power of bullies, is when you give them a response. ignore them means you retain your power. Bullies have power when you give them attention. Best response to haters? ignore them.

I was jealous of everyone for years because of my insecurities and weaknesses. But then I made a New Year resolution to end it, because I realized something. I do not believe in society anymore. I say two words to ultimately eliminate the self-doubt that tries to attack me: screw norms. I'm 27, still live at home, having _never_ moved out. I have never had a girlfriend or a date, and I don't even have a driver's license. I have both a learning disability and ASD, and sometimes I say unfiltered things or act weird in social moments. I assume my ASD makes me "less normal." I don't have too many friends now that I've graduated from college and most of my friends have left town. My coworkers all seem to fit in; I usually stand out. I used to feel like a misfit at work, but now I realize that it's not a big deal. It's just they're not my people, they're each other's only. If my ASD makes them not like me enough, that's their problem. Sure, I don't have a great filter, but it doesn't define me; nobody is perfect. I don't care if people find me weird or annoying. I don't care that my both my sisters have boyfriends and started dating at 16 while I've always been single. I don't care that I can't drive. I don't care that I appear dopey because of my learning disability. I don't care that I graduated high school at _TWENTY._ I don't care that I seem slow and helpless and do better with a guide than by myself (my boss basically said that to my face). I don't care that I still live with my mom. I don't care that I went to a small charter school than the "superior" public school that has many more activities, adventures, and organizations. I don't care about any of my weaknesses; I still have confidence in myself. It doesn't matter what others think of me, it's what I think of myself that matters. I will never fall for society's tricks again; society is buIIshit, and that would explain our government and political leaders. I say "SCREW NORMS!" I am absolutely fine the way I am, I say confidently. I am not a loser. A disabled man who doesn't match standards, yes, but not a loser. There is nothing wrong with being different. Different is good. Normal is boring.

Out of all the tips that were given in this video, I feel like what I needed to hear the most was the quote that was mentioned in the end.... Who I give my energy towards, whether the person is aware of it or not, is my responsibility! Thank you for that reminder 💝

This was incredibly Valuable! I recently adopted a saying that feels so good to me! “If one’s opinion can’t pay my bills, then it’s worthless to me.” It’s like a penny with a hole in it… no value!

recognize what is relevant, ignore the rest. ignore the noise.

We all care what others think. We’re social creatures. I’ve adjusted to the fact that I just can’t make friendships. I say weird stuff

I'm Army. My roommate tried telling me my "problem" is that I don't care what others think. I told him caring what others thought is what caused me to chronicslly depressed and waste my 20s.

i never cared what others think, it is a better way to live and walk your own designed path, than to adopt group think.

Everybody cares what others think of them. Your level of self confidence determines how much it affects you. People aren’t born with self confidence. No amount of therapy sessions can provide it to you. True self confidence, true belief in yourself is only gained through overcoming adversity including doing what you need to do over what you want to. Discipline and responsibility. Parent yourself in that aspect and prepare to be amazed how much mental fortitude you gain.

Omg girl! I have NEVER met anyone who could literally describe to me EXACTLY how I am as a people pleaser. Just WOW!

Yes self love over self sabotage/ hate! I think the world is tough on us enough, why beat up ourselves for doing the best we can. Especially when there isn’t any competition 💗🧘🏽‍♀️

I'm battling depression and an awful family that disrespects me and treats me like shit. I realize that it's because I care too much what they think of me (people pleaser as you say). A lot of the points you made in this video do apply to my situation; I found this video very helpful, so thank you. Also, I can tell you're a beautiful and amazing person inside and out, so kudos on that.

Thanks so much Ilva for this very succinct presentation of your core belief, which I think is in line with a universal truth. To be free from the fear of judgement by others - whether praise or blame, is a great liberation and emancipation.

am a security guard unarmed 23$hr but i have my weapon and all licenses good i do bodybuilding i have a fat all gold omega watch 26k$ but have haters in the store of me always talkin trash. this ppl get in my mind i know am a good nice guy badass like u say but sometimes they bring me down. always telling me to get an iphone seriously i hate apple am a samsung guy and always giving me looks my coworkers its a fruit market. 1 cashier tells me ur our guard stop caring wat dose idiots say or think. my grama said if they talk trash about u that means ur ahead of them thats all. and i do love myself itake cold showers always since 5yr old to stay strong. thank u for the video. ur gorgeous pls give more positive videos.

This video popped up in my recommendation list. I do feel this way lots, and I do believe it's because the way I was raised and rejection sensitivity. Growing up when we are young, we care less about what others think, but as we get older and develop, we start to care. I believe that it's because we care about belonging and not being excluded from the group. Thank you, nice to meet you Llva.

I am a peoaple pleaser, I totally understand what you said about the guilt that we feel. I realised that everything change after we are aware of it, this is why it helps to discover and be kind with yourself. Knowing that I have this behavior, I’ve created a Tiktok account to expose myself in a kinda controlled environment and I am learning day by day that most of the mean comments are not about me and maybe about how they feel with themselves(in a compassionate way) Thanks for the video! ☺️

Others opinions of you are really a reflection of how you feel about yourself. When we are young and impressionable, those we look up to plant seeds of thought, knowingly or unknowingly and that plays a role in our early life experiences. An example is that as a child I was told over and over by many adults how life is unfair and people were spoken about in ways that weren't really true but those were the views of the one's who raised me and left impressions. As a result in my early years a lot of things occurred to make this seem true. I was told a lot by many adults in my life that I should be ashamed of myself. I was very ashamed of myself and that invited experiences that were very undesirable and led to me feeling dirty and less than others. I found myself wishing I was someone else and that I was pretty and this followed me into early adulthood. Also because I felt this way about myself, it invited experience to confirm what I believed. In school I would walk past others whispering about me and laughing, I was the target of bullies, and had a many fake friends who entertained themselves with my constant humiliation. As I got older and began to question life, I did a lot of reading and concluded that I wasn't an unfortunate victim of other people being mean but that my beliefs had brought all of those experiences to pass. I decided to experiment by changing my thoughts and identifying harmful beliefs. That took some work but I was able to alter my experience and now I am respected and praised at work, people are always pointing out the good things about me and I no longer have the feelings of being less or ashamed. I don't feel like folding myself up and hiding before I enter a crowded room, I don't even think about it anymore in that way. Anyone can change their outer experience by changing their inner thoughts and belief system. I recommend a book called Change your thoughts, Change your Life by Dr. Wayne Dyer. There are many reading materials available if you seek it you will find it. Hopefully this long babble reaches someone who can benefit ❤️

When I feel lazy, I don't care about anything, much less what people say. I just want to devour ridiculous amounts of food, drink alcohol and play video games. I don't think that is particularly healthy however... I don't know if this is relevant, but that is what I felt like leaving as a comment.

I have bpd so I really struggled with self worth and others opinions how I'm perceived. I'm going through therapy to get help to manage it & becoming more self aware of my behaviours. I used to be guilty of people pleasing to a detriment to myself. You soon realise their opinions dont matter and it helps you to create stronger boundaries for yourself. I was being toxic by people pleasing to a fault. I found your video really helpful 😊 thank you ❤

You DO care what people think and that's OK! It doesn't mean you have to agree with them or try to appease them; but letting yourself feel the emotions that come on when someone has a negative opinion of you is what's gonna make you stronger and give you thicker skin. Because now your brain knows how to deal with it. Sweeping them under the rug and pretending you "don't care" is never good idea, and it's terrible advice. Emotions aren't something you can ignore. They always have a funny way of manifesting themselves even years later. You could be depressed today and not know why, because you ignored an emotion you should have dealt with 3 years ago. It doesn't even have to be traumatic. It could something as simple as someone saying they don't like the sweater you're wearing

Dont care what people who aren't you make you stoo loving who you are, loves ❤️

WOW the point you made around the 9:00 mark is SO profound to me!! That totally IS the greatest lie, I always thought the same as you, that if I started loving about myself I would not be motivated to make positive change. Thank you so much for saying that, I definitely needed to hear it!

I just discovered you this morning. You are such a beautiful free spirited woman, and a excellent speaker. Have a wonderful day and I’ll be back 🙏❤️🌈!

Through out my whole life i always wanted to be free. Like freely free, but I didn’t know how. Thank you so much for this video i am super grateful for it you are going to change my life in a good way thank you

I can't believe my eyes, You're right. Yes, It happens sometimes, but I want to change my life. I'm learning English and I'm improving my vocabulary. You don't know how much I appreciate this, Thank you for teaching me. 😊🙂💪👍

I have been on such a LONG road to self love and letting go of other’s opinions of me. It’s so hard as I’ve been a people pleaser my whole life, always wanting everyone to feel happy and not have them feel sad or hurt.

I stopped pleasing ppl since 2020!

...... I need a woman like you in my life TERRIBLY. I tend to be the motivator AND not the motivated, wich I dont need for the most part, but when days ara a partner with the same mind set would be a blessing, I salute you soldier all the way from México, keep up the good content 💪🏻❤️

Well done: really like how you presented yourself and the aesthetics of your video. More importantly, I like how you conveyed your ideas on this topic; the one idea that really stood out for me is when you explained how we love others in our life while accepting them with there "quirks"; why would we treat ourselves any different? Thanks for your upload!

I really enjoyed this video! The way you explained the concept of caring about what others think and how it relates to people-pleasing really resonated with me. One specific part that stood out to me was when you talked about setting healthy boundaries. That's something I've been working on in my own life, and your advice about being clear on what makes us happy or unhappy is spot on. Learning to say "no" without feeling guilty is a journey, but it's essential for our well-being. Your three ways to increase self-love were also fantastic. I especially liked the idea that we don't need to love our current reality to love ourselves. It's a powerful reminder that self-acceptance doesn't mean we're complacent; it means we're giving ourselves the love and support we need to grow and change from a place of self-worth.

You truly inspire me, I feel so motivated after watching this video. Thank you

This video discusses the struggle of caring about others' opinions. It advises healing people-pleasing tendencies, practicing self-love, setting boundaries, and realizing that others' opinions hold no power over your identity.

Needed to watch this. This da best video I've come across so far 👌🏾💯

I really enjoy the KZfaq community so much and how some show others so much love

Struggling with this a lot today. Thanks for the video. I'll try to take it to heart.

Thank u for just being u and sharing it with the world

My problem of absorbing other peoples emotions and opinions is actually crazy. If i really really like smth, but say a close family member calls that thing cringe or weird, i dont even argue with them or defend it, im like "heh, yeah i guess it is" even if i love it. Like i rly like certain dramas, but now i cant watch them cuz my sis and dad made fun of them, so now when i watch the drama i watch it through their eyes and start finding stuff theyd call "cringe" rather than enjoying it. Its so weird and its ruining my life. I still cant understand how to just be me and stoo absorbing others opinions

Thank youu for this ❤️

thank you so much for this video ❤❤❤

Your words strongly resonate with my vision. I have been learning English for a while and quite by chance I have come across your video. It makes me feel really happy. You incredibly clearly express your point of view. Thank you so much)

I’ve been going to groups and seeing a therapist here lately trying to heal from my drama and have learned a lot ..very glad I found this video you explained very well ..thank you ✌🏻

You gave me a new perspective in regard to people pleasing. I hated that part about myself because I always thought it came from a place of low self esteem. Which I still believe to be true to some degree. But you gave me a moment of clarity and comfort when you stated that people pleasing can be the result of worrying about others emotions. Unfortunately i deal with HSP. Some may say it’s a gift but I felt the need to mask it my entire life. Thanks so much❤️ By the way…it’s hard to focus on your obvious intelligence when your sooo darn pretty! Lol

Great video Ilva! Thank you for sharing!

Thank you for sharing your wisdom!

Thanks for your help. I had (have) a covert narcissist "mother" who made me the family scapegoat. She instilled existential guilt by telling my sister and I numerous times how we had interrupted her promising sports career (by being born). A long list of other abuses of course, all leading to a crippled self-image and self-worth. Developing Self-Love is the only way to healing. "Other peoples opinions are worth zero" - Got it!

loved this so much , needed to hear this

Best video I’ve saw all month thank you 💚…

I needed this so bad today - thank you ❤

Absolutely valuable video. Bothering about other people have caused lots of harm and anguish in my life.

I am loving this video, going to save it and watch it anytime I need a reminder. Also, Mel Robbins’ “Let them theory” changed my life. Just wanted to share if anyone wants to watch her video about it.

You’re one of the real ones in KZfaq!

This is perfect! I wish I didn't have to wait this late in life to learn it and apply it.

Absolutely loved this and will put into practice thank you!

Ppl. with high self-esteem don't care re to what others think about them or their personas. It's essentially a mindset. Really liked the video.

You deserve a million subs

Thank you so much for sharing this was so good! God bless you 🙏🏻☺️🫶🏻

I love this video, I could connect with you and understand this beautiful teaching. Thank you so much.

Cool, very well said, thank you!

This really helped IIva, thank you so much

oh girl , you are so clear . your ways is so practical. I allways think I m selfish that left my familly to do my things abroad , that family is not other people , they are family , but you told it so true that I can tell no to them too , sometimes,

Thank you sm I really needed this right now ❤️

I needed this ❤thank you

Wonderful video. All your words were meaningful and hit the nail straight on the head.

great advice. Way to go!

thank you so much for this video. i have this thing of not forgiving myself for things i did when i was 12-13 even though i'm already 18. i am so hard to myself when i remember how i used to beg for friendships and not being me just to please people. i needed to hear this in the purpose of learning to love myself. i'm not that person i was 6 years ago and i was a child, people were mean to me and that's not my fault. thank you :)

Well, that was pretty good. Thank you for sharing. The one thing I have always done to respect and love myself is to respect and nourish my 'mind'. Learning new fields of endeavor and constantly improving and growing my mind keeps me on track. This is how I landed on this channel today, constantly researching and learning new things and listening to different points of view.

i really needed this 💗 thank you.

This popped up in my recommended at the perfect time and wow girl, I love your energy! You carry a lot of wisdom and I found the video really helpful. Thank you for sharing. Great editing too!! Subscribed

Watching this coz I can't stop caring too much to others. 😢😢😢

Thank for this vdo💝

Thank you for this. I will follow your advice, I think it will really help me.

Amazing, thank you 😊

The best starting any of the video Your video can be great example💝

I really needed to hear everything from 6:00 onwards. 6:50 was very needed.

Thank you so much❤

Ok THis totally answer everything I want

What a great video! I loved every single piece of the content. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences… I has made me reflect and expand my perspective towards healing

Thanks for this video

You have a good energy. Thanks for the tips.

I really like your accent, as someone who still learn english I enjoying your content and how you convey your ideas is interesting. Also the video is not too long so I didn't get boring, then i choose to subscribe! hehe

Excellent video thank you.

I thought all people are gonna die anyways so every single things they said didn't matter to me. So all the words they say are going to vanish one day. So what is the point on thinking about it. Then I saw something that actually made sense to me: everything you hear is people's opinion and everything you see is people's perspective. So it's better to let those things go which are out of our control. You your self is the creator and destroyer of you. This is what I learned.

This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my KZfaq channel 7 months ago about self development. Now I have 710 subs and > 200 hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.

I needed this sm rn. Thank you💗

Once again another great video to start my day and I'm so happy I found your channel

Awesome advice. Subscribed!

This was genuinely so very helpful. Thank you for this.

Hey this was great to hear ❤

You are right and you speak from the heart 👏 True and motivating words

I don't know how to thank you. I reallyy needed it.🥺

Don't. Worry. About. It. 😮

Thanks scarlet johansson 🙂

In terms of internal feelings don't care what others think. However if you live in an area where they smear you and target you. It's a traumatizing.

great video thank you. i'm a people pleaser and you nailed it.

At 59. I thank you.

you are soooo beautiful omggggg 💕💕

I’ve gotten in the habit of not saying “sorry”. Just saying no works.

I really like your content. It is valuable. I appreciate your work. I will work on this. You inspired me. Thanks

This video has spoken to me.