Same here! Least contact possible works for me.

It's not a failure to declare an estrangement. It's a collective agreement.

That sounds like the “woke” phenomenon too.

OMG this is Donald Trump. Shocking how far our country has fallen.

I was in that predicament. Then I left. It forces the other side to feel uncomfortable and start working on themselves( if that's healthy individual.. narcissist don't think is something wrong with them). If person stays - no one grows and you yourself taking a chance away to improve your quality of life and growing. If you can't grow as a couple - give yourself at least a chance for a fulfilling life. Is our duty to take responsibility for your own life. Not others..but lots of times out growth also improving everyhing around.🙂

This is very true. Only my ex husband's own family knew how dysfunctional he is. All of our friends and acquaintances thought he was Mr. Laid Back. He became a hot, angry mess that blamed everyone else when he was under any stress. He was good at hiding it in public.

I noticed that she said that it would become apparent the more you got to know the person...and it would be easier to spot if you knew what to look for. My guess it that most people never actually friends with your ex. More like aquitances. Also I don't think most people know what to look for, or even know that they should be looking for it in the first place.

Especially covert narcissists!!!

She has buried herself under so many masks - she is not there. You fell in love with the character she is playing- based on what you need in a partner - but not her authentic self. You are wasting yourself and your life running after a Mirage. Put a period down. Take responsibility for your life. Think through what kind of life you want to have now. Just a thought!

Yes, it's common, especially if they find positions of power over others. They become sadistic.

1000000% !!!

YEP BEEN THERE WITH A SIBLING - head of a hospital - championing "compassionate care" the irony.

I had to deal with a co-worker who displayed on that level, day after day....year after year. I wondered how she managed to maintain her composure through thick and thin. She was not very nice to me, though....and said some careless things behind my back. A snitch turned me on to those careless things. When I decided to confront her very civilly...she just about fell off of her chair, admitted to saying those things....then wanted to hug me. I wondered where the knife was.....I believe that her unfriendliness was due to power struggles within the company. She wanted power over the organization, and my manager, but she saw how much my manager adored me, and it frightened her. She tried to smear my character, making it look like I was taking advantage of my manager's adoration....that I had somehow...lured him into my den. Far, far, far from the truth. She will never truly know that though...and at this point...water under the bridge, but noted. Taking advantage...is not my forte.

Psychopath..is come under pressure...even if they got body in a trunk... narcissist, sociopath is usually freaking out.. unless he's proving that something is wrong with you -and you are the one who's acting out...- then he's come.. smiling inside ..(they enjoy seeing you upset....they thrive on that..sadly.)..

I hope you are doing well and still sure about your decision ❤ its normal to have ambiant feelings about a break up. You grieve what could have been and what was good. It doesnt mean it was wrong to walk away ❤

@@lisehrby2565 thank you so much for your reply. Yes I'm still pretty confident in my decision thankfully. It doesn't hurt that he keeps being stupid LOL...

@@tanyatalkstoomuch 😄😄 makes it easier

Happy for you women will be so happy when we're allowed to have fommunity again instead of the lie of monogamous het relationship

I can relate to your comment. My Mum's partner is on the autistic spectrum and can be disrespectful to her at times. I am autistic myself with a trauma history and co occurring mental health issues but I would never use my disabilities as an excuse to treat someone else poorly, I know how bad that feels and I have had to set boundaries with some members of my family that are emotionally immature and happen to be autistic also.

Leave or you will suffer and with enough years destroy your Health.

Thank you for pointing out the parallel between ASD-1 (Asperger’s) and emotional immature people. I’d like to point out that ASD-1 is vastly undiagnosed in adults. IF you’re dealing w/an EI person, research whether or not they may actually be on the spectrum. The information discussed in this podcast is VERY helpful even in that instance.

You need to leave asap. This doesn’t get any better, in fact it only gets worse with the years. As time goes on and your partner gets older and more dependent you’ll be living in hell. I speak from painful experience. I’ve wasted my whole life tolerating this kind of conduct in hopes he would change one day. Never happened Please don’t let this happen to you! You aren’t responsible for his Asperger’s diagnosis and you can’t rescue him.

WHY are you still with him? Will he change?

I would try to move from trying to figure him out to managing your reactions. The only thing you control is yourself.

The time spent focused outward trying to figure him out, steals time from exploring your projections to find peace of mind (yours).

​@@lorrainelapointe7026 People need to handle it in their own ways. No one can tell them how, as it is personal. One can do both, not just one or the other. It is a personal journey 😉

My brother was and is the same. He was an only child for two years with grandma teenage cousins and spoilt untill my grandmother and mother had a baby girl each and he got his nose pushed out hence pathological jealousy. It didn’t help when father came home from RAF and treat him abusively we can’t relate or sustain a relationship.. feel for you you could understand his circumstances but it’s up to you how you progress. Carol .

I could have written that myself. Now a have a label for my brother.

You're probably right unfortunately.

​@@LarryMWeeksI sure do hate to be "right" about this, but I really have seen evidence from these people whom I know so well 😢

Then, did they make a pack with the devil to purposely destroy your soul? See nefarious movie! Wow!!! That’s my husband. Felt very badly for little Benji when he lost his soul. Exorcists say - don’t talk to evil - just think about what happened to Eve?

I believe and agree with you, I would say 99% do KNOW EACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING age is irrelevant. The other 1% unless they have a severe intellectual disability.

I have had to create a life with friends who are like sisters and women who are like mothers to me. It’s been very healing. Sending you love and strength 🙏

I’m guessing knowledge and intent. All 4 yr olds will be emotionally immature by proxy of age. They don’t know better and lack malicious intent.

@@LarryMWeeks sounds fair

Emotional management

Anyone fighting for an advantageous position is doing it out of some form of fear…whether it is anxiety reduction , fear of loss of power/autonomy, and more…it is often very subconsciously driven, fueled by cognitive distortions of win/lose, zero sum type thinking. This dualistic mindset is the opposite of mindfulness. It is totally activated and wholly unhealthy.

So glad! Thanks Amira.

Hey. Thanks. Glad to hear that

Tough situation. We address some of this at around the 32:55 time mark in this chat "trying to get along " is the focus. She differentiates a bond vs a relationship. Lindsay also has a follow up book that might help, I don't know. "Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People: Avoid Emotional Traps, Stand Up for Your Self, and Transform Your Relationships"

It sounds like you were dealing with a high-conflict personality - but before you decide to leave your profession, do consider other alternatives. No matter what industry you work in there will always be toxic individuals with whom we will not get along with - or who are toxic. Its not just in the medical field. Don't expect a perfect non confrontational environment. That is not in your control. What is in your control is how you think about these situations - and manage them. Don't narrow your world, that wont make you happy either. Remember - you live in the feelings of your thinking. At the end of the day your thoughts about these situations are the lasting culprit. That said, here are some other tips from this podcast and some others that might help. Manage Expectations: When dealing with emotionally immature individuals, it's important to manage your expectations and prepare mentally and emotionally for interactions. This preparation can help you stay calm and maintain your boundaries [ listen 29:32] Taking Breaks: Sometimes, the best course of action is to take a break from the relationship if it becomes too toxic or emotionally draining. This can help you decide what's best for your psychological and physical health [listen 28:20] Here are some other relevant podcasts I have discussing toxic work environments and related issues EP. 17: SURVIVING ASSHOLES: ROBERT SUTTON ON OUTWITTING THE JERKS IN YOUR LIFE Ep. 73: A Post Career World: Bruce Feiler On The Reinvention of Work EP. 3: WHY THINGS BOUNCE BACK: ANDREW ZOLLI EP. 52: THE GREAT RESIGNATION: ASHLEY STAHL ON CAREER DESIGN AND HOW TO GET UNSTUCK These episodes discuss the impact of toxic work environments, and the importance of meaningful work and self-care.

Wow, that's actually a fantastic idea. Low frustration tolerance might be a valuable signal.

Emotional immaturity also is the main symptom of people who have Asbergers/autistic spectrum. The problem with the test of frustration over a game or task is that while that autistic person is highly interested in you/ dating you, they will do well in these honeymoon periods. It is after it gets mundane and only then that you see the true colors of people.

O..wow...nice to know...❤..thank you..❤tx for taking your time and responding..

They are good people, honest to a fault. Their behaviour can hurt badly, they can break you heart and soul but I don't believe it is done with an iota of malice.​@@Angie247Beers

Yeah that is a tough one. Will think about that and maybe ask Lindsay on a follow-up as I plan to have her back on.

​@LarryMWeeks Hi Larry if you end up doing a follow up interview it would be great if you could ask about strategies to help the emotionally immature person change their behaviour. I have recognised these traits in myself for a while now and have found a lot of resources that address how to 'deal' with such people but don't address the situation where the consumer of the resource is the emotionally immature person. Thank you

Thanks for sharing this @@tarshaparsha. If you can recognize and admit this you are well on your way to emotional maturity in my opinion. EIPs normally are too defensive to see or admit these traits. One big issue with EIP is they lack awareness or are not very reflective. Curious how did you come to the place where you recognize some of this in your own behavior.

@@tarshaparsha my thoughts exactly. I feel she almost attacks people who no doubt had childhood trauma and role models that were emotionally unavailable. Is this the role model's fault and conscious choice to hurt the ones they want the love from the most? Absolutely not. I believe she has missed the point. To heal yourself you have to heal the past. I sat with my mom who had a terrible childhood because i took the time to draw it out of her and then explained to her that i know she did the best she could as a parent with what she had been given. I told her what i needed to that hurt me, in a gentle loving way. It was beautiful because i did not attack her. I know she loved us the best she could with never experiencing any positive loving emotions from her parents. So sad. I'm so happy i never listened to this woman who would have me throw up walls without understanding and compassion. It was a traumatic childhood for us, but I am so truly blessed to understand my mom never wanted to hurt us, she had just been so badly treated herself. My mom became my best friend. Miss her everyday.

@@brendamckenzie8725 That's a wonderful thing that you could reach out to your mother and she could accept or at least listen to your communication. I think the reason Dr. Gibson emphasizes boundaries with EIPs is that many of them will not even listen, let alone validate your feelings or emotions. If that's the case, it's difficult to improve the relationship and can often leave the ACofEIP feeling worse than before the attempted communication.

Some do

Yes ​@@lorirhodes870

Dr. Gibson differentiates between emotionally immature individuals but they sometimes overlap. The traits can sometimes appear similar to narcissistic behaviors, such as the need for attention, manipulation, and lack of empathy, which can lead to confusion between the two. However, a distinguishing feature Dr. Gibson notes is that emotionally immature individuals often maintain a victim mentality, which is less common in narcissists​.

Thank you

Yeah, Dr. Lindsay was great.

What's her email address

@@yumildarodriguez1175 I would visit her website and contact her that way. I don’t have permission to share the email I have.

It's a process for sure. Good for you. I'm not familiar with the differences between EIP and "emotional dysregulation" from cptsd however.

It is a vast spectrum. I’ve worked with thousands of people… Is there a reason you need to say there is a little in all, as if everyone is the same? It almost seems like a denial, a dismissal. The amount of emotional maturity varies greatly, from person to person. Our society as a whole, has more who suffer from emotional immaturity however.

No

Are you one of them?

They, like everyone else, ultimately do not know

I'm surprised by this. Lindsay by no means attacked anyone during our conversation. Behavioral "labels" are used extensively in psychology; consider "narcissist," or "borderline personality" (and I'm just using them as examples) are terms used in psychology to describe specific personality disorders. They are not attacks on a person, but rather clinical descriptors used by mental health professionals to diagnose certain patterns of behavior and thought processes. The purpose of these labels is to understand behaviors not to stigmatize or attack. They help in creating effective treatment plans and therapeutic approaches tailored to the individual's needs. In the case of "EIP" this is intended to help those who are in some relationship with individuals with the behaviors discussed.

Ok but how long do you remain compassionate and understanding towards that person when you’re so tired and your mental health is being affected by that person who is emotionally immature. Why would you put up with that

Amen. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Compassion. Understanding. Not running away.

The issue is they totally lack self awareness and refuse to change. That can result in the need to go no contact if you can't deal with knowing they will always be like that. That's what TOXIC means.

I ran and slammed the door on 4 toxic women friends I loved and cared about for 4 decades. I am going to save myself and I no longer care at all what happens to any of them@@russellheyns1846