Emotional Immaturity when there is no self reflection to the degree that the behavior is not changed is a form of narcissism.

"If a person wants to understand what you are saying, it really does not matter how you say it. If a person does not want to understand what you are saying, it also does not matter how you say it." WoW! Thank you!

“They override what you say. They disregard what you say.” Spot on.

As someone who grew up in an extraordinarily toxic, narcissistic environment, I’ve done so much work to reprogram my behavior and nervous system and become more mature. I still attract emotionally immature people because deep down that feels normal, even though I can’t tolerate it, and I struggle every day to continue to find and remove the remaining toxic responses and triggers within me. It’s. A. Lot. I hope I can one day experience the benefits of it and be in a healthy intimate relationship.

Omg now my husband makes sense. We've been together for 24 years and I've been exasperated the whole time. 15 years ago I insisted on going to marriage guidance. I said there is no communication, he has nothing to say. When she asked my husband, he said " I've said all I have to say to her in the first 3 months that I met her"😮! The woman was astounded. Our homework was to talk for 15 minutes a day, he couldn't do it 🙈. I should've walked away that day, but I've kept trying to fix it 😭. My soul yearns for a deep connection 😞, I've wasted 24 years of my life 😞

That’s ALL they do is announce, and call it conversation. I realized that’s exactly how a four-year old talks.

I did a lot of therapy and self work since my early 20s. I’m now middle aged and am continuing this work. It has been a lonely journey. There aren’t many mature people out there, especially male partners. I wish emotional regulation and maturity were taught in schools as part of the curriculum. Imagine the difference that would make in our society.

I’m 42 and my entire life I was made to believe something was wrong with me, and that I was a narcissist. All this came from my toxic mother. I would always wonder why my family saw me as this evil selfish person yet strangers would tell me that I had this light in me and others said this as well but my family only saw the worst.then I had a near death experience which I actually died and when I woke up from a coma on life support I felt entirely different. I had started a spiritual awakening.and with therapy I begun learning the truth about my life. I finally went no contact

It’s the constant denial that they’re doing anything wrong, if you try to tell them in a non threatening way. It’s always , ‘no I’m not’ .

“When they ignore your boundaries it’s not a call for you to go passive and give up on yourself. It’s a call to get specific and definite and repetitive with them which are all active coping mechanisms. Don’t give up. Keep at it in a non reactive way.”Let your no be no and your yes be yes.

Then, one day, you slump into the sad realization that you don't really have a partner, never did have one, and never will. I am working on picking up myself and finding a direction to move forward to. It was very conforming to me to hear that these EI people are not difficult 100% of the time. Sometimes, they're actually quite pleasant. He's socially and professionally very successful. Hearing the information in this video helps me to forgive myself for staying stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Absolutely true. The person who seeks connection is left to suffer in silence. Its taken for granted they can handle it because of their maturity and they feel no one has their back.Seeking authentic, emotionally, mature people is healthy and the best way to go.

What's interesting is that some very high achieving people can be emotionally immature. This becomes extremely problematic when they are your supervisor or somehow have some control over a part of your life and you can't disentangle yourself from them. The hard part is when you can't just walk away.

I was going through a rough time in my life, and one my (ex) friends called me and told me that she was upset and needed my humor to make her laugh. It was a really bad time in my life, so I told her I just didn't have it in me to make anyone laugh right now. She cursed me out!!! She started screaming curse words and degrading comments at me!! I never communicated with her again, and that moment was one of my first eye opening experiences of setting boundaries. I was never taught to set boundaries, because my family wanted to manipulate and control me, so they didn't want me to learn to set boundaries. Abuse is such a vicious cycle. Emotionally immature people seem to be emotionally and verbally abusive.

What I hate the most is when they ask you a question and interrupt to hone in something trivial to correct you, dominate the convo, talk about themselves and don’t even notice what they are doing. It’s so exhausting. You asked me a question and I’m answering so don’t ask if you are more interested in hearing your own voice.

My mom does the same thing. She's the white glove housekeeper, homemaker, didn't work outside of the home. She's now 92. Fifteen years ago when I stayed with her during a surgery, she's shorter now and I noticed her oven vent on top was dusty, so I wiped it off. She walked into the kitchen and caught me doing it. Her response? So now I can't clean things good enough for you either. Instead of just saying thank you. 😮 Why was I surprised. I get so tired of hearing "you think I'm a horrible mom, I can't do anything right, I can't breathe right for you". Whoa! I don't even think that way! She went through this period after my dad died in 2002, when she started heavily sighing with every breath. I call it "a sigh of discontentment". I understand grief. (She had a great marriage for 50 years; my fiance died before our wedding, but she doesn't believe I should still feel grief because we were only together for one year, unlike her marriage.) Moms sighing was so heavy. I tried to call this to her attention in a nice way, as I didn't think that she realized she was doing it... but that turned into 4months AGAIN of her not saying anything to me but "nope or yep". 😢 I'm tired of being the one trying to communicate with her; it's exhausting. She's now 92 and I'm losing time with her. That makes me sad. I offered to go to therapy with her, to see a counselor at a church of her choosing and she said, I don't believe in that psychobabble psychology stuff. I just wanted to improve our relationship; I wanted to help my mom figure out how to be happy. She's told me recently that she's not content. (I already knew this.) Everyone walks on eggshells around her. She refuses to look within, which is what makes me want to dissect myself constantly. I now have Dissection OCD. 😂 Update 2024: My dream of being married to the man that I still Love & living with him at 9700 ft in the mountains of Colorado, died. I bought some land & a small cabin in the western Carolinas and moved away from the Texas heat & drought, the big city of Austin and further away from my mom. Now she wants me to give up my cabin and move back to TX. I'm not doing that. She didn't appreciate the thousands of drives I made 3.5 hours each way, to see her, when I was closer. I love it here, it's so peaceful; it's cooler and it rains more. I have the sweetest dog and cat. This isn't the Rocky mountains of Colorado, yet the Blue Ridge mountains are beautiful in their own rite. Yes, change can be scary, but scary is usually fleeting. I think I went through all that, because I had valuable lessons to learn. I'm content; I'm happy here. ❤

I am 40 years old, and I have been in therapy for almost 12 years now. Reading Dr. Gibson's book opened my eyes and answered questions that therapy has failed to do so. I'm grateful I discovered her work, and I firmly believe that her book needs to be read by people in therapy or not, regardless. I grew up in a highly toxic household with narcissistic caregivers and avoidant. The level of damage I endured at such a tender age was severe, and it still impacts me to this day. The level of work to rewire my brain and change cognitive patterns and dynamics feels like a full-time job. One thing that makes it better is channels like this, where emotional awareness is being spread, and there is a sense of togetherness as a collective. Healing is more challenging when you are alone, but when you feel you belong in a group of people who understand you, it fosters a spiritual experience. Thank you for this channel and the work you are doing, I feel all the people in the comment section, and I have a special kind of love and empathy for you all.

It's very difficult to detach from an emotionally immature person in a relationship.

Emotional immaturity is the root of narcissism. It’s a matter of degree.

They have no problem leaving you out, as if you don't exist. You aren't part of a team, they are somehow unaware of the notion that we need to be a team.

What I love about this video is that it's not about "narcissism", "empaths" and other diagnosis and categories that are all over the Internet.

99% resonates with me. I was depressed because I tried hard to change myself, to be less sensitive, etc. I thought I was the problem, the complicated one.

I raised a child with my ex-husband who is an alcoholic narcissist. At the time I permitted myself to be dominated and disrespected by him; and through that example the child learned to disrespect me too. As an adult she has no concept of appropriate interactions with me. She makes unreasonable demands, and has tantrums if I don't deliver, exactly as she was taught to do by my ex. Eventually I had to "divorce" her too, in order to take care of myself, since her treatment was abusive to me. Ironic that I tolerated her father's behavior because I wanted to stay with him "for the sake of the child." We created another narcissist in the world. Lesson: staying in an abusive relationship for the sake of a child is always a mistake.

My MIL is like this And I remember hearing years ago that she doesn’t want to understand your feelings or thoughts because she’d have to acknowledge that she hurt them and she’d have to change her ways. They don’t want to change! They don’t want you to have feelings or your own ideas. They are extremely selfish.

If communication is generally frustrating, if you don’t feel understood or unable to establish some upper level of closeness, don’t second guess your self by trying, trying and trying.

"If a person wants to understand what you are saying it doesn't matter how you say it. If a person doesn't want to understand what you are saying it also doesn't matter how you say it. " - love that. Thank you!

The hardest is raising a child with a person like such. Watching them interact inappropriately with child is so difficult. And they’re clueless. No clue that they are modeling inappropriate behavior as a father to child. Stomach turning really. I make a point of calling out healthy masculine energy and behavior when we see it. In films. Parents of friends. Teachers. Martial arts instructor. It’s the only way I feel I can save him from learning his father’s immature issue. My father was an alcoholic and I can see how this set me up to marrying a dysfunctional, immature, married to mom, manipulated and controlled by his father (money), and zero ability for connection, intimacy, and my needs are never acknowledged or attempted. At this stage, I’ve done a lot of work on myself and see how I arrived here, and focus on raising my child the best I can. Even though I get criticized for holding my child accountable and give him responsibilities like chores, etc. to help him mature.😊

Emotionally immature people lack emotional empathy and compassionate empathy (both are deep intimate imaginative empathy that requires “touchy feely” heart connections and self reflection “to go inside” ) BUT they have lots of cognitive empathy (a superficial intellectual empathy that is manipulative for control, dominance, superiority, power, and arrogant selfishness) That’s why the interactions they have with people is transactional and functional for the benefit of the emotionally immature person aka the narcissist

OH. MY. GOD!!!! this IS my MOTHER!!! this made me feel so validated in my perception of her. They are also VERY skilled manipulators and gaslighters! I am just learning myself at age 53 to separate from her vastly innacurate perception of me, and find out who i really am outside of her definition of me. And she has ABSOLUTELY ZERO interest in anything important i have to say, but expects me to listen endlessly to her meaningless chatter. Constantly bringing the conversation back to her. Makes up her memories of things, completely defensive and unable to ever admit wrongdoing or apologizing... at the very most saying she's a terrible person ecetera! Thank you for showing my i am not in the twilight zone

This information is a godsend. This morning I journaled on my grief, grief from all the family and friends I can no longer accommodate due to their emotional emptiness, narcissism, lack of empathy and, mostly, the realization that they never really cared about me. I recognize the pain in the commentator’s eyes. I was raised in a loveless family, married and divorced (after 25 years) an emotionally immature man. I broke it off with several friends last year-they have no idea why even though I explained. It’s been a lonely time, but I did the best thing for me. I wonder, if I will ever know an emotionally mature friendship and/or partner. Thank you for this video!

People know who they are, they don’t care. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

Giving up the hope that an emotionally immature person who resists self-reflection will be willing to connect deeply is a painful first step for me. The next step is to detach and separate from their imposed image of who I am and not live within the confines of their paradigm. It really resonates, the difficulty in setting and holding boundaries with these people, protecting time and energies, forging a new path without their approval. I look forward to reading Lindsay's new book.

Wow - this explains so much about my last relationship! It’s like you’re describing him - I was infatuated with him at first, but started to notice his lack of empathy as the relationship progressed. It didn’t feel malicious, but he would state his opinions in a factual manner, saying he “didn’t care” about what was happening in the world, because his heart wasn’t big enough to care about anyone outside of his immediate circle. He also randomly observed that he had “an aversion” to poor people. It was shocking and hurtful to see how little he cared about others, especially because I had lived through a civil war and had seen so much suffering. I couldn’t understand how he didn’t care about other people’s pain, and never once cared enough, even months into our relationship, to ask about my experiences or to offer any kind of emotional support. I felt so lonely in the relationship. I get it now - he was an emotionally immature man who couldn’t offer any level of emotional companionship or support. Thank you for explaining all of this and for giving us clarity about some of the people in our lives.

My exboyfried had an abusive family, then he had to be like that. It was so sad to let him go. He had sooo many beautiful treats and was sooo beautiful himself. But he was not able to access love.

Thank you so much for video. I have a friend who’s emotionally immature and very narcissistic. She doesn’t let me speak. Only a one sided conversation. And yes it’s abusive. And very abusive. Yes she apologizes but continues the abusive behavior. Now I’m not able to speak because I had a stroke. And she doesn’t care or understand that I get tired of being on the phone with her abusive and disrespectful conversation towards me. So we decided to communicate only through emails. I really needed to hear this video to feel validated on the way I knew to be true. Now with the emails, I don’t have to be abused. I don’t have to respond or visit or have contact with this person. Thank you so much for having this very needed video. ❤

When i realized i wasn't the problem, i was in fact the only adult in my whole family 10+ people, it blew my mind. Its maddening dealing with grown adults that act like 4 year olds. Highly recommend her book "Adult children of emotionally immature parents"

My parents, especially my mother is full blown emotionally immature. I am 56 and she is 76. When I was a small child she would say to me very smug to grow up. However she has always been allowed to act like a 4 yr old and she gets worse as she ages. My father excuses her behavior and we are to all accommodate her every whim. If we don't the tantrums will follow. I am stuck living with them at this time due to my husband of 34 yrs passing away recently. It is so unbearable that I am working very hard to be able to move a soon as possible.

Omg ! This is exactly what I am dealing with . No empathy, so cold. Takes no accountability for anything, turns it around on you. Controlling. Has no self reflection. If you try to talk about the problems and issues, completely shuts down. No ability to love anyone. He makes excuses for not doing what he said he was going to do. I call it a personality disorder. I could go on and on!! This show is amazing! My life is aweful. Lies about nothing and everything. Done horrible things to distroy our marriage. Affair, held my money so I cant leave. 😢

They seem to have some understanding of the pain and confusion they cause, because they get pleasure from it and have a different story for everyone, so they know they're are being dishonest and messing with you.

As someone who had severe anxious attachment, I was explaining to an avoidant friend how my parents contributed to it, as a way of alluding to how his own parents contributed to his avoidant attachment. He simply said to me, “Just get over it”. So I asked him what he was doing to get over his avoidant attachment; he was immediately offended and became extremely defensive. At least with anxiously attached people, while we don’t always succeed in emotional regulation, we don’t avoid our emotions and can thereby self-reflect and improve, unlike those who avoid.

Absolutely fascinating. This is my mother. And subsequently many men I chose while in my codependent state. Thank you.

I went through a similar situation. Focus on enjoying the rest of your life. Think of the positive. Thinking positive thoughts for you.

laura, i absolutely loved and resonated deeply with your recap of dr gibson’s final words: “the way the relationship is with someone who’s emotionally immature is that they’re taking up all the space in the relationship and there’s really no space for you to be you, and that to disentangle is to allow for space where you get to be you, and then you can decide how you want to be in relationship with them.”

Thank you both so much for this insightful, encouraging conversation. I was especially moved and even amazed by the part about the plight of a child of an EIP, ie, a child who keeps seeking to simply be part of a less than superficial conversation with the other person. My mom (who had many good qualities along with her emotional immaturity) told me several times after I grew up that when I was small I used to follow her around the house talking to her nonstop, and she let me know She felt I was bothersome in this way, and kind of extreme. After I grew up she would tell me this story like she thought it was funny, and for years I would laugh obediently, while feeling shame so strong I was afraid to feel it very much. Today when I listened the part of your conversation on how it can be like beating your head against the wall to try to connect with an EIP at a deeper level, the light bulb went on in my soul. Like, Oh! Wow! I really wasn't a bizarre, bothersome child when I was 3 and 4 years old, following my mother around talking. I just wanted to talk with her in a deeper, more mutually satisfying way than she was able to provide. Phheew!

My Narc always said, "I'm just a really big child"! GREAT, Who wants a 6'2 manbaby? Not me!!

I grew up with the sense that I didnt exist. Now I know why that was. You are describing my mother to perfection.

Talking with them and trying to explain yourself is like hitting your head on the wall over and over again..... there's no soul inside.... they are a shell of themselves

Omg I have three of them. Husband, daughter, and son! It will take dying to get it done! One day after I am gone and it is too late, they will get it! Thank God I am a very strong women.

Yes,it annoyed him he would literally ask me why i was talking about it because he already knows. I would spend 45 minutes extracting a reciprocal response. Then within 30seconds the man would throw yet another remark and the cycle would repeat ...it was exhausting to the point of me ending the relationship . I realized that all.of my energy was spent on the neverending chaos and i had not achieved any of my personal goals in life and it was the most miserable life i was no longer willing to participate in. I learned a very valuable lesson. a 50 year old man can have the emotional intelligence of a child of 5 years of age. #lesson learned

1000% As an emotionally immature 66 yr old kindergartener, I’m so grateful to be able to hear this sense and wisdom. This is a gem of a discussion. Love all the facets.

I thought i was going to fit into this profile, and confirm what an irritating, and frustrating pest i am to my husband, but you are describing him! He is extremely bright and logical, but the rest it is just as you described it. 😢

All of this just reminds me of either a sociopathic person or a narcissistic person. My spouse has antisocial personality disorder and I truly feel sometimes that I’m either arguing or talking to a very bitter, woman hating, toddler. He has no self control, he has no wider range of emotions aside from anger and fake sadness, he has no ability to look at anything from anyone else’s perspective. I was so confused when we first met because he would swear every time I cried that I was faking. I didn’t understand why until after I married him and discovered all of his own cries are fake. No tears and if he can muster them up then you’re in for the worse guilt trip in the world. He will wait for me to spill my heart to him and be so completely hurt about something only to turn around and pretty much verbatim repeat that same thing to me a few days later but from his own perspective and act like he’s the only one who ever said it or felt it. I got to this video because I am looking for ways to bring up sensitive issues to him without him immediately blowing up or feeling attacked. This really isn’t helping that in any way and it’s also so far nothing that the title says it is either.

To say that this resonated with me is an understatement. THIS RESONATED, RESONATED, RESONATED!

This really explains things well! I had to let a guy go who refused to connect on any level beyond physical attraction. I’m a deeper person than that, wanting depth to my relationships. It just wasn’t going to work.

62 years old grew up with immature parents. I am still working on how to give myself self care and recovering from this trauma. I just ordered Dr Lindsey’s book . I read her first book and loved it. So glad I found this video.

This is my whole immediate family and I've just recently recognized this and how damaging their gaslighting has been and how I internalized their negativity towards me. After intensive therapy and an ADHD Dx at 60, I'm coming into myself. I think I understand why my brothers may have developed this way due to some childhood trauma we all shared, but that doesn't mean I have to tolerate their behavior toward me and I am standing up for myself more.

@37 min. that is life-changing information!! That our job is just to express the boundary, not make them get it/respect it etc. And that if a person wants to understand us, doesn't matter how skillfully or not we say it; and if a person doesn't want to understand, doesn't matter how skillfully we say it. Wow, what a shift in perspective, very freeing! thank-you for this conversation, really enlightening.

Very helpful! Thank you both Hostess and Professional Guest. I left my whole tribe of my past in my thirties and ventured. on my own to find my way. It was extremely challenging but in the end worth it for I found out who I am and it is an unfolding process. I live mostly in solitude since retirement as most people are not doing the "personal growth" work". There is a thin line between being a good listener and allowing oneself to be used. I work on that and make decisions based on that. My tendency is wanting to help people heal and transform, if they are open. The important part for me is to make sure that love and connection stays within me even though I may decide to let go of the person. It is not easy in the beginning - and if stuff does come up for me - I look at it, embrace and heal it so that like Dr. Lindsay said, I am not reactive or even judgmental in the detachment process. Stuff does come up for me - whether anger, hurt or any form of taking it personally and via my studies and work on myself overtime, I work through all that. I do my best not to get entangled emotionally because I was, in my younger days, emotionally immature. In fact I was a basket case and it is definitely due to my parents but I have made peace through healing and understanding and appreciating their journeys. Luckily I never got married or had children and that was the preventive way, in the beginning of dealing with it. I've come a long way but struggle re how to salvage relationships with others who are EIP and are not open to the work. Mainly I do not engage. Becoming aware of that brings up my contemplative part in figuring out how to proceed. It is sad for me, because on some level it feels lonely. BUT I am learning to get over it... and I do contemplate and work through my inner world to look at all aspects to know what to do and also to become more aware of more growth options - re healthy detachment with no poison. Final note: spirituality of some kind that resonates with a person, I feel, goes hand in hand with Personal growth journey. ALSO, for those of us "doing the work" we become life long learners which is really enjoyable! Thank you!

Once asked my ex emotionally immature narc “what do I need to do to make you happy” he went on and on about what he needed. I then asked him if he was going to ask me the same question and he went deaf, dumb and blind and sat there refusing to ask. It was so emotionally devastating. It was like a little stubborn child refusing to talk. They really are damaging to other people!

This is gold. It would be world changing if things such emotional intelligence, along with relationship skills and even understanding of one’s psychological structure and somatic experiences, was taught early in life. This is essential to the human experience and would serve us as children and young people more than learning to add and read before we’re 5 years old. Life is a lot of things and will require a lot of skills to navigate so these “hard” skills are needed. But these “soft” skills are paramount as life is relationships! To self. To other. No matter what you do in life, you are relating. Doing so skillfully could end so. Much. Suffering. Thank you for this talk. ❤🙏🏼

After twenty years, it finally makes sense. My ex was intelligent and successful, so I always thought that I was seeing everything all wrong.

Sounds like extra steps to describing Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. Helpful either way.

This interview appears to have a strong boundary to not use the word "narcissist"! Let's get one thing straight, emotionally immature people are manipulative and negligent. That's abuse! So no, I'm not gonna take on the challenge of continuing to be in contact with them in order to challenge myself to grow. I got this far, so think I've challenged myself enough over the years. Im going to choose to grow and evolve with my own emotionally maturity in peace, away from them!

My most recent love interest dumped me via text because I was 'too emotionally demanding'. This was because I wouldn't do as I was told. I was trying to open dialogue where we both felt heard 🤷‍♀️ she wanted a relationship without communication, just orders, but not my orders 😂

Been in a romantic relationship with a person 4 years and it was rough. I knew something was up. Felt often alone arround her. Not meeting my needs. Often not listening to me. Warped reality. Never saying sorry. No communication. A lot of misunderstandings. She would have a fit and i wouldnt understand why. Left me blaming me for everything. After reading and searching online coutless hours i finally realized she is an EI person. Doesnt make me feel better but i do understand now. I'm 43 and i've never felt pain like this. Trying to move on from this person is verry hard accepting this new reality. That she will probably never see my side of the story and never see me for who i really am. And accepting who she really is. Its heartbreaking. Thank you for this video. People need to learn this behavior and know how to recognize it. Also its hard to find things on this but it would be interesting to know the correlation between EI and attachment styles. As often EI people have insecure attachment styles.

I'm currently listening to your book "Adult children of emotionally immature parents" on audible and it's fucking life changing. Not the first time I've listened to it and it won't be the last! Thank you so much for writing it!

Most of our leaders in Washington must need your help. I've noticed they never want to have empathy, or any dialog about how they can make positive changes for the American people. 😮😢❤

Example of lack of emotional maturity: when the other person takes every interaction as a game that has to be won. Sadly, they admit some things but won't change. Almost like a brag. I would describe them as "no one is home".

I broke off my relationship and he hugely over reacted and I received such a terrible backlash for several months. I had no second thoughts. He saw it as a rejection and became really angry.

I feel so seen! All my life my mother has disregarded what I ask for, how I feel. As a 9 year old I was constantly told that I am selfish and ungrateful and I was always puzzled at what exactly it was that I had done and it left me feeling shame for the unacceptable person that my mother made me out to be. I wasn’t seen, heard, valued and she would listen to anyone but me. Now she has dementia and I can’t just walk away or even assert boundaries as the dementia adds in a complex layer where she needs me in a life or death kind of way. And I do want to be there for her. The kitchen disposal example was such an “aha” moment for me. My mother will not honour agreements and then always revert to “You are always criticising me, I can’t do anything right” if I bring it up. It’s beyond frustrating.

How is it not abusive if there is no space for you to be a human being? As someone with CPTSD, engaging and staying in relationship with people who have no respect for me has been horribly damaging. Why isn’t the message to leave?

My mother shows empathy to others but shockingly not to me. Been through some traumatic events and she is very flippant with her thoughts on my circumstances or does not mention these at all. This lack of empathy and doing and saying things has caused increased pain, so I've not dealt with my other problems causing me to become more and more isolated. Some days I don't know how I put one foot in front of the other.

I do so well around emotionally mature people and my Clients.. I can communicate with the best.. but as soon as I get around my unhealthy, emotionally immature family.. I sometimes loose it! I need help! I'm a sucessful Licensed Massage Therapist for 12 years now and I'm in California looking for the best Doctors to help me personally.. and to find the best Dr's for my Clients who reside all over the USA. 🙏 I pray God works miracles in my heart and those I love.. including my Clients.. who I care about very much! ❤️ Thank you brilliant ladies for this video and all the great research you all share!

Theres a close connection to narcissistic personality traits for people that are emotionally immature... which makes sense because i think the narcissists emotional age is arrested at the age they are abused at. Fascinating connection.

OMG I just came upon this interview, and this is my sister!!! I have been trying to "diagnose" her for years. She has been emotionally abusive to me for my whole life, and now I understand what it's about. At least in part. Wow. Uncanny. Thank you!

This is a perfect description of my ex-husband. My current boyfriend has gotten frustrated that I don't always share things but he understands I'm learning it's safe to talk to him, that I'm not going to get told he's tired of listening to me. Emotional maturity is so important.

I needed this so badly. Thank you so much for making this. I've struggled for years with this. You put it to words so elegantly. It's really fucking hard to deal with this.

Emotionally immature people take our mind off our own goals with God.

My mother suggested I listen to this as I’m planning on leaving my emotionally immature boyfriend of 3-4 years. I recognize a lot of the things that are mentioned here, and it truly is exhausting. As some others comment on here I too feel like I have wasted these years, but I have to focus on the learning experience and the fact that I’m getting out of it. I’m done and I can’t wait to reboot living my life for me and my cats❤ from Norway

As a person who is disabled it has been really sad to be greeted with "you don't look so bad" instead of "how are you doing ?"!!! Self interest overrides empathy in too many interactions😢

This EI adult sounds very identical to my Avoidant Ex who refused to engage in conflict resolution. Who -when he opened up to me internally - and showed any slight vulnerability - would then consistently withdraw! Yes,he lived way more in his head than in emotions. He was neglected / abused emotionally as a child so likely is Emotionally stunted.. So yes, attachment theory plays out in all this.

Another way to educate us about narcissists.Thank you.

I don't like talking about feelings, or listening to people talk about their feelings. It's just not in me, I do a bit, but I prefer to crack a joke to cheer people up, or I do things for them, making the garden nice, or walking their animals, for me it's more an action thing to show I care.

I know an emotionally immature person who is very controlling to compensate for her deficit, and practically rules a whole family.

My mother, sister and husband all fit into this category of being emotionally immature. Dealing with this all my life has been exhausting. 😢

You hit on so many excellent points in this video. True emotional intimacy can only come through truthful communication and getting down to the deep nitty gritty of knowing someone. The deeper you go, the stronger your relationship can become through the years. Shallowness: it's okay for certain people to talk but they don't want to hear others talk. I had a physical therapist like this. She would talk to anybody in the room about anything she wanted. I've been hurt and alone 3 years. I just tried how to make casual conversation with her. If she didn't bring up the topic and start the conversation, then this girl wasn't interested in talking and would say, basically, you sure talk a lot. When in fact, she talked much more than I do. There's a type of hypocrisy there that many don't see. There's a shallowness there, an emotional and immaturity that many don't see. Empathy: my mom for instance. If I tell her my back hurts from my scoliosis and a head-on car accident 3 years ago, which is why I'm going to physical therapy still, she changes the subject to her back, comparing hers to mine and how there's no way mine can hurt worse than hers. Listening: I think people just don't know how to listen. They talked to other people but they don't know how to or want to listen, in order to get to know a person for who they are, outside of yourself. It's like they still have the terrible two's syndrome... That's what I call it. They think that whatever they are thinking and feeling, the rest of the world should think and feel too. They don't understand that people are individuals with separate feelings, emotions and experiences, and we should be able to learn something, from another person, whether or not we like them or agree with them. There's a lesson in every meeting.

I try to build healthy relationships and this far I haven't succeed to find healthy people. It feels like I'm constantly surrounded by little kids. Kids that's always whining, complaining, repeating the same things, say rude or naive things, don't respect boundaries, crave attention and pity. And I'm just so fed up! I'm not their mom or personal counselor!

You have been SUCH a help to me, so much is clear and my direction to not get frustrated, but calmly set boundaries and stick to it without getting angry.

Thank you for these words. This video is much needed for me right now.

"Every road leads back to them" - wow!

Lindsay, thank you so much for ‘verbalizing’ my long time (life long) experience with my emotionally immature younger sister and older brother. Your words are so validating of my experience which really I have shared with few, at least not to its full extent. Over 70 now, I find myself committed to healing. In my working life although I continue some academic writing, I was aware of the painful discomfort of being with them but tried to accommodate (not healthy, too much personal sacrifice), but erroneously believed this is a time in our lives for deeper connection. You phrased it so well, about EIPs see no reason to bother getting to know others and that they have a lock-hold on truth so conversations are uni-directional. Time for me now….. no more of what can be described only as emotional abuse and total disregard for boundaries. In social situations I have effectively learned to manage this, but it’s draining having to be vigilant every time I speak. I have flourished in my academic career, but the sib situation has been unfathomable and costly to me personally. Time for ‘compassionate inquiry’ and seeking out relationships that are comfortable and equitable. 2024 is my year of letting go. Life lessons. Thank you again, Lindsay. Your words of wisdom have been so helpful, both videos and your books. You have helped many. Professor-Elizabeth

This was refreshing. I am emerging from the narcissistic parent “rabbit hole” of you tube channels. My trauma therapist has me reframing emotionally “immature” parent. Unfortunately I have the “fleas” as a consequence of having two profoundly stunted parents. I loved Lindsey and will inquire into her books. Thanks much. 💜

Thank you for making this video. It all made so much sense. Why I am always depressed after any interaction with certain people. Thank you so much.

For me the dissociation is the main problem, it's like they have a built in escape hatch to avoid all emotional content. The self reflection is as shallow as the emotional connection.

Maya Angelou coined the phrase, "when you know better, you'll do better." I agree, small bits of information are easier to digest. Thank you for this video. This is a huge struggle in my life between me and my mother.

Raised @ a disadvantage, being raised by a Narcissist: she set me up for failure. I’ve worked in the restaurant industry, so I can be very social & outgoing with various people. I am however finding more peace in being alone these days, due to the heartlessness of the narcissists smear campaign. Lord, help heal me & give me strength & guidance as to your will for my life!!.

That is literally the definition of narcissism. Emotional immaturity. What a euphemism.

Thank you for saving our lives, lives of children of narcissistic parents. Sincerely, Cardiothoracic anesthesiologist, The product of two narcissistic parents Victoria B

I read Dr. Gibson's book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and it was so insightful. I gave it to all 4 of my siblings, and none of them read it. They thought it was ridiculous and that I was "blaming" our parents for their actions. Talk about gaslighting. PS: This was a most excellent interview. Many thanks!

My birth mother is narcissistic and has delusional disorder, I prayed for so many years of my life that God would fix her, he hasn't..... I went no/low contact a few year ago. I'm deeply disheartened that I will never have the type of mother my heart yearns for, BUT I found MYSELF, and for that I'm beyond grateful💯💯💯