Its all about them. Their image, their control, their feelings, their shame. Its not about you. From a bubbly person I became silent

Sure did. Brain fog set in. Depression. Questioning my sanity. Questioning my talents… I was transformed into a door mat.

Yes! I was an energetic joyful little girl and my narc mom turned me into a shy person. I feel that if you see someone that is shy, they were abused. Shy is different than introverted. An abused dog will be cautious with people. The same goes for an abused person with people.

100% happened to me. I am both introvert and extrovert but after this relationship I no longer care to be in social settings like before. I prefer to be alone.

Never ever be the attention getter. Never sparkle. Only point out how awesome they are. Spot on. Absolute truth Took years to recultivate friends and genuinely laugh !

I went from traveling the country, filming, talking to so many people, friends, and family... just everyone... to being completely afraid to go to the grocery store. And order deli meat. Now, making a phone call makes my knees shake. YUP, you are SO right, as always Dr. Ramani!

Yes 😢 and I was mostly introverted to begin with. I used to laugh and smile much easier. I just feel drained constantly…

I slowly figured it out over the years that the cold disengaged demeanor I experienced after having time out of the house with friends wasn’t that I did anything wrong, or that I stayed out too late, they just didn’t approve of me being out and having something outside of their control. It’s crazy how oblivious anyone can be to their manipulation before it’s too late and you’re lonely and anxious most days.

I was the scapegoat child at home, learned to be quiet and remain invisible so I stayed in my room and read a lot. The awkwardness at home prevented me from ever inviting friends to my house......but at school, I was a different person. I belonged to many clubs, participated in sports, was very extroverted and well liked. I was absent from school one day due to an illness and a group of about a dozen kids came by my house to visit, I saw them approaching my house and my heart sank, my worlds were about to collide and I knew there was going to be a fallout from this.....and there was. My narc mother was very nice to them, she conversed with them, offered them snacks and drinks and was the perfect hostess (my friends even gushed about what a lovely person my mother was)....after they left her expression changed and she informed me that I was no longer allowed to participate in any extra curricular activities and had to come straight home from school. I was required to be home by 3:30 PM. It seems that my extroversion was a huge problem for that witch. .

I’ve always been described as quiet,however the narcissists in my life stole my funny bone. I see the humour in life and was known for my “ turn of phrase”,lol...so to speak. I’m finding that side of myself again,well into my sixties. I run back to the safety of my small apartment after an exhausting,yet brief, social outing. My parents and husband and my sister hated me because I was nice.

I'm naturally gregarious, Autistic, and was raised by a couple of malignant narcissists. No socialization because we moved a lot. I'm 54, and still trying to figure out who I really am. It's really hard to separate defense mechanisms from my core personality.

Just wanted to add on to Dr. Ramanis point: your narcissist may be very charming and make friends with your friends and they will isolate you in that way as well, by lying about you to your friends and coworkers.

The smear campaign made me an introvert. It made me realize people can be weaponized against me. Being seen and known isn’t always good. I’m hoping with healing I become more extraverted.

In a narcissistic relationship. What doesn't kill you, makes you str'a'nger.

Dr. Ramani, now you've really hit the spot! This theme is EXACTLY what happened to me! 😢 I used to really like getting to know people and CONNECT with others. Turned into some who's so insecure cannot leave the house. 😢 The narcs in my life have hated all my extraversion, reaching out to people, having fun. Of course because then they cannot control me and keep me to themselves. 😡

I think the covert narcissist can be especially difficult on this one. Their shame and social anxiety make it difficult for them to engage. When they're in a relationship with someone bubbly and warm, they see others respond positively to their partner, but less so to them. This is of course very difficult for the CN, because they really want that glory for themselves but don't have the tools to get it. So they have to make the partner, or the people they're talking to, wrong, in their own minds, and then with what they say to their partner. They'll make them feel self-conscious or like they're intrusive. The covert narcissist will often form an "audience" by having their own business or other situation where they get validation from a lot of people who don't actually know them beyond their projected image. These aren't true friendships, but then they feel popular. Their partner, on the other hand, isn't allowed access to this group, and real friends who would come to the house, for instance, are put off or discouraged.

Yes! When you are with them - it's their show. Your input is not needed or wanted. There is no place for you to be yourself and laugh, ect because it's their time to reign.

Holy crap. This happened to me. I’m such a mess, socially, when I used to be very outgoing . Now I find myself just hiding out in my little corner of the house not wanting to talk to anyone. It’s truly awful. I need to end this relationship. I feel myself circling the drain, so to speak. Unwell physically and mentally and it’s all because of what she’s done to me over the last 12 years.

Yup!!! ONE date, and I immediately sensed that he didn’t like my interaction with the server!! How dare I be joking with them!

When he met me I was very extroverted. My life was traveling and meeting new people and having new conversations... im an artist, I used to read my own poetry aloud in coffeehouses... but, over the years ive heard him tell other people that im a "homebody, and that I prefer to be alone". Its crazy how much over the years ive tried to make sense of where "I" went and its like thousands and thousands of little things and in those little things, more things. What he didn't break, i did. To aviod the fight. To not have to hear the, "you only do that for attention". I feel like i stopped participating in my own life. Lately he's been saying something in a weird aside to himself or the aether, i dont know, "I am the main character in my story." And I think, thats great! But why then am I the side character in MY story to accommodate yours?

He 100% stole mine. I realized when I was able to start work again, andnthen college,, that I'm not quiet and boring and afraid to speak. It wasn't true. That "nobody likes you" wasn't true. The amount of confidence that came back to me when I made just ONE friend was astounding. And the narcissistic definitely punished me for it. But it didn't work, his new attacks nd accusations and sabotaging my schooling, didn't work. I've kept my newly discovered old self in spite of it all. Now I have a career where I help others and my confidence just continues to grow ❤

So true. I'm in media, and my job requires me to speak with ppl. Like you said, the change is gradual, and you become isolated and want to just be distanced. After the discard, I have been isolated with myself for the past 3 years. Still trying to understand what happened. When I look at ppl I wonder what they are thinking. I don't have any friends now.. and when I speak with ppl I feel very conscious. I don't know if im saying the right thing. I was told I destroy ppl, so I keep away and speak less.. I don't want to hurt any0ne.

My narcissist ex didn't take my extroversion. He harnessed it to hurt me, and my kids.

I'm an extrovert, but I completely lost it because of all the narcissists I've met (including family). I became very shy. I am happy that I have largely found myself again. but I still find it scary to be myself.

Yes, and recovery gave it back to me. It was a somewhat surprise for me to realize that I am becoming more extroverted and enjoying it as well. I still love my alone time, but I also enjoy the buzz, connecting with people and socialising again! ❤

The more cheerful, passionate, virtuous and nice person is the tastier they are in the eyes of a narc. Those are cannibals/envious vampires

You've described exactly what I have become.

It's amazing how much you know, how deeply your knowledge about victims goes. Congratulations. And thank you

Let’s keep in mind if you grow up in a narcissistic family dampening oneself down might be the only safe option and then it becomes a habit and the skill set of self development gets lost.😢

I would definitely say YES. I used to be a lot more outgoing and now I can’t barely leave the house without anxiety…

Yes! NM sabotaged many relationships and friendships, and I became ashamed of the lies & smear campaigns. I got used to being alone.

It's even harder when you turn to be dependent of a narcissist. Which just makes them even more entitled

I grew up with a narcisistic mother. I was a very joyfull and outgoing child. I would wave at people, just walk up to them and chat (at 4 years old). They would go to my mother and tell her what a cute talkative child she had. She couldn't deal with that. They didn't tell her what a good mother she was, just how cool her child was. So she started telling me to not bother people, that i was a hassle. They did not want to be bothered by me. I shouldn't go so overboard and just "act normal". As this started at a very young age, this kind of talked scarred me for life.

When I left my 17 year marriage to a major Narcissist. I had lost me completely. I am very outgoing, and I love people. I had to start saying to myself "what would I do if I was me? Thank you for your content it's still helpful even now. After 16 weeks straight of major counseling.

Absolutely!! I don’t try to make friends anymore. I don’t trust anyone.

My ex wife stole all my friends I knew my entire life. I have spoken to any of them in years. She spread gossip about me and they all started to disconnect from me. It added an extra rock in my stomach after a life of already feeling like an outsider.

My dad loved humiliating me in public when I was taking too much attention.

This is exactly what happened to me! 😢💔 They stole my WHOLE LIFE! 😢 I'm not an extravert in American sense, but in my almost anti-social culture, I'm more social person who used to enjoy connecting with people. I used to be very curious who other people see this world. I think seeking connection is different from seeking admiration constantly.

YES!!! I didn't know this was a "thing", but it happened to me over, and over, and over again in my various former relationships. It seemed like they were attracted to my spirit, but once in a relationship, they did things to crush it down. You are so right!!

I am a happy extrovert. I absolutely dim my light when with a narcissist. I do to make myself a smaller target and also they want to be the center of attention.

It’s a sadistic mind game that narcissists play, a very destructive mind game! Mother and ex husband narcissists. The oppression from them was stifling. I’m free from them, mom has passed, husband is an ex and I am no contact. Big time damage was done yes, but I am free!!! I am learning so much about what happened to me. Thank you Dr. Ramani and all who post and tell their stories. I appreciate you all!

Narc situations seem like 'crabs in the pot' syndrome infinity loops... The distorted covert and overt 'obligation' tactics are designed to exhaust you for entrapment and control 🙄

I’ve been out of my narcissistic relationship via no contact for 10 months now. Although I feel a little better every day, as I embrace my freedom again, there is this strange social anxiety I’ve been experiencing. I used to be this happy go lucky, smiley and energetic soul. Now, it’s like my shine has been buffed and I struggle to look people in the face and be, Me. I’m in therapy, working on myself daily and honestly, doing my best to FIGHT those feelings. I push myself to get out with friends because I know I want ME back. I have my introverted moments, I call my hermit stage. It’s usually to just do a reset but I’m finding that time more safe. I know it’s going to take more time. Thanks to these videos, it’s further validating that all this confusion MAKES SENSE. Thank you Dr. Rahmani and everyone who comments. I truly appreciate the support!

I've never considered this. For me, isolation had me contemplating suicide and I'm an introvert. Though, solitude and isolation by abuse are entirely different worlds, I can imagine an extrovert might find the seclusion of isolation quite disorienting. It feeds the narcissist's insatiable hunger for dominance and control over a narrative that acts to further isolate and keep us stuck in that space, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This abuse isn't messy; it's clever and well-executed so it creeps its way in, always through the backdoors you didn't know were there. I can think of pros and cons to both styles, but the bottom line is that narcissistic abuse takes the best of us out. I always hope people find their way back into the light one way or another.

My malignant narc mother used my extroversion to isolate me. I'm no contact now. Growing up, I wasn't ever allowed to go out and be social. She knew extroversion was a strength of mine and a threat to her supply so she's punished me with isolation.

Before I met him, I was people said I was charming and lovely. They were always drawn to me, wanting to be near me, which I thought was surprising because I'm not particularly extroverted. When I was brought him into a social group I was just fitting into, I was anxious and felt brittle and shut down- I wasn't the happy, cheerful person anymore. I was also embarrassed because I sensed not only did people dislike him, I felt they were disappointed (disgusted?) I was with him. Now that it's clear he's out of my life, I feel people are shifting back to liking me again, though I don't feel as "valued" in the group as I did previously.

It was incredibly uncomfortable, he'd laugh about insulting others. I just stopped going out

So true - took me years to find my real personality again. They mock and insult every gesture, word, and facial expression ....

All so true! Ex narc would say personal things I had disclosed to them when we were with my friend group...or he would get extremely drunk in front of them and it became embarrassing. I stopped bringing them around him. Friend group slowly dissipated as he would say "they are so annoying. Let's just stay in this weekend." So over the course of a few years, I became used to not making plans with friends. Now, over a year after breaking up, I still stay in alone on weekends and my drive to make plans is still not there.

Looking back, my life just got smaller and smaller. It’s only recently I’ve been reaching back out to others again since going no contact 2 months ago. It’s very uncomfortable looking back.

When I “was” involved with the Narcissistic individual, he chiseled away at mine by “sucking all the air out of the room”, on the daily. His calling, texting the all-consuming dynamic made me all focused on him robbing the equilibrium with my “circle of friends”.

My parents even tell me I was a happy and sweet baby and toddler "WhAt HaPpEnNeD?" You. You happened, Dad...

I had a narcissistic mother growing up. As i became a teenager, i would be punished if i was caught talking to the boy down the street that i lived on. It got imbedded in my brain that it was wrong to socialize. When i got into high school, the anxiety to socialize got so bad that i would hide in the bathroom on my lunch hour. It was painful. After i ran away in my teen age years, my mother took over and became a second mother to my childhood friend to control her image. The control sucks the life out of you. Thank you Dr Ramani for all you do. Much appreciated.

This is exactly what happened to me but I didn’t have the words for it. I have been with multiple vulnerable narcissists so I had it the worst. I used to be so extroverted and now I just stay home alone and sleep all the time. I feel like if I go out and socialize, I’ll just get taken advantage of by another narcissist or person with BPD. It feels safer to just be alone because I’ve been abused by every romantic partner I’ve ever had and don’t know what a healthy relationship is. I’m kinda over it at this point, and convinced all men are abusive narcissists and just don’t even really want anything to do with men anymore. Isolated and disconnected describes me to a T.

Yes! Wow. I recognize the role my mom played, she hated my comfort in front of people and on stages. My former best friends also gravitated towards me because I was comfortable in my own skin whatever I was doing. They marveled that a dark complexioned young girl didn’t shrink or hide in a colorist society. The ex also worked hard to diminish my confidence when performing. They all definitely damaged my extraversion, but it’s part of my core, so it’s coming back now that I’m learning more about what I was dealing with.

Wow, that one really hit home for me. I am 14 years out of my narcissistic relationship (not counting the familial ones I am still in) and I can totally relate to this. I am much wiser now and yet the damage runs so deep that the healing never ends. I so appreciate your giving voice to these phenomena. Your channel is a godsend.

Where did my fun, flirtatious, joy go?! Working on healing for years and have found it, yet. I am definitely more reserved

and, cue < bursts into tears > when i saw the headline. keep thinking i'm over it... yet, here we are. thx for the content.

I think it is more complex I freed myself from the influence of narcissicts however what harmed me was recognizing the impact lies had on other people, relatives … even if you don’t meet them personally. I think avoiding people who act as flying monkeys is essential. What surprised me was the impact lies can have even over decades. However how you interact with people and working on your own issues can make a difference. But you have to be selective in your relationships otherwise you are harmed again even if your motives are good.

I'm an introvert for sure but I had great charisma because I was forced to learn the skill. That's been taken from me but I'm building it back up. I was the invisible child in my family and the "best friend" I had from 14 and up had me as the scape goat in their family

I’ve come to realize that I’m an introvert that often presents as an ambivert or even an extrovert. I’ve also learned that some of the overtaking by the narcissists I’ve crossed paths with, is in large part, to diminish me, to make themselves feel more comfortable or look better. But, I think that the majority of my introversion and misanthropy, that I’ve garnered, over the course of time, has been through the fact that I can’t even be nice, without being a target. Yes, yes, I’ve heard a lot and know there are a lot of videos about how you “attract” narcissists. I consider a lot of that to either be blame shifting or at least blame sharing. Because I have found that, even going out, walking my pet, having decent conversation, is enough to “attract” a narcissist. That I cannot even be civil, without there being a problem. It is also the sheer number of narcissistic people there are. I think some of this doesn’t simply have to do with it becoming a “more narcissistic society”. I think it has to also do with the long term, economic decline. That people who do not have, may have never worked for more or had the opportunity for more, may have a more narcissistic stance. At minimum, they want what you have and, do not be mistaken - they intended to take it away from you - and you don’t have to have much. This can equal a lot of smarmy smiles and shadiness, with a goal in mind. It becomes a more inculcated skill to get what someone else has, than to try to make your own way. For someone with a narcissistic tendency, this makes them feel smart and cunning. Those who’ve met me might feel they’re sure that I’m an extrovert, until they know me a bit better and understand that I feel I’d rather downtime and actually producing things, that to chit chat my life away. But, my overall feeling, over the course of time and experience, when dealing with people, is to roll up the welcome mat and batten down the hatches. Because, if I slip, and tell anyone that I’m doing something positive, interesting, productive, or fun and, sometimes, God forbid, without their knowledge (approval?), I will have problems. So, with each and every relationship I’ve had, I’ve learned to be better skilled, at withdrawing. It’s the only path to peace.

This was super affirming, Doc. Thank you! Having both grown up under a narcy mother, and then transitioned into a narcy marriage, it was always drilled into me that who I am was shameFull, even when I did what was asked of me and bent and compromised. I became so isolated that I began calling mySelf an ambivert. I needed to hear this today. Knowing that this space was just an adaptation for the sake of survival and not the truth of my roots helps me feel just that much more safe/comfortable to step back out into the light. I know I was meant to shine, and be seen, and it was not just a dream. Knowing this and hearing these words definitely helps. Bless you and your work, Dr. Ramani. Thank you again. Be well! 🙏🏽✨💜

I'm one of those. 2 years after that person's death, I'm still struggling to find myself again. There are no words for losing your entire self.

It almost feels like Dr.Ramani is a physcic. How does she know all of this personal information about me. The feelings and situations that I myself could not explain. Im just so grateful ❤

Whoa... this is hitting home bigtime! Over the course of 20 years, I have slowly been isolating myself... I keep telling myself that I can let the insults and criticism "roll off of me", but, in actuality, a small part of me has been internalizing the negative reflection... and I feel even more downtrodden for letting it happen! Lord, give me strength...🙏

Wow Dr. Ramani you spoke my truth, that is too hard for me to even process. I packed my bags to run away at 16. I was so emotional manipulated by my narcissistic mother on top of my raging narcissist father. Not leaving the absolute isolation and abuse of this horrible life was probably the worst decision of my life. Thanks for being a friend, it is always uplifting to hear that someone understands. I gave up too much of myself and my potential for these rotten bastards. 😭

Very insightful video! I must recognise that, after having gone through the narcissistic abuse of my ex-partner, I do no longer feel any drive to keep meeting new people, even just for building new friendships. 🤔 Best wishes to all of you! ❤️

Indeed they do. From an open, "talk to everyone" person to someone that just prefers to be alone and unbothered. I prefer to be alone.

My grown children said “ you changed when you married him, nice to see you back” In my healing I’m visualizing who I was 24 yrs ago. I see her some days very clearly. I feel that as great healing. He was so in& out people never knew what to expect. He had an addiction problem too. He discounted me in a group setting I see so many things clearly now These videos are such a help.TY

My introversion started as a child and was exacerbated by a sister who repeatedly told me to be quiet, adult attention was in such short supply she did everything she could to stop attention being on me on the odd occasion we were listened to. Our family expected us to sit quietly in the corner while the adults spoke, so in hindsight I understand her doing that. Nevertheless being told regularly that no-one wants to hear what I had to say had a profound effect. I love being an introvert, but those times when I do have the opportunity to speak in groups (especially conference presentations, etc) I do wish that hadn't happened and I could share with more confidence

I do love being around other people but I never thought of myself as an introvert or extrovert. I just genuinely enjoy good conversation and having fun.

The world needs to learn at a young age we need to unite our hearts with the spirit of GOD Heart/to/heaart/SPIRIT/ spirit Psalm 51:10-11-12 Thank you for reaching out to people love your heart feel my hug

It definitely stole my extraversion. I was an unpaid child actor playing a child rather than just getting to be a child. I hate being around people as a result because I feel like I always have to play a part.

I was that girl that hung out almost anyone. The geeks. The musicians the artists the jocks the divas. Never said no to anything ever I had friends everywhere. Now I'm completely alone, have developed severe anthropophobia (fear of peoole which is a bit different from social anxiety) barely ever go out of my house except to places that have no people there. My only friends are my pets. I dont think this society will ever fully grasp just how evil narcissism is and how horrifically narcs can break their targets, sonetimes beyond repair. I miss myself so much but ive kind of made peace w the fact that she's dead and will never come back.

This explains how I was during my relationship with a narc. I enjoyed socializing and began to withdraw. My ex was verbally abusive and entitled. He made my friends and myself uncomfortable. I began to feel self-conscious and limited my time out. Thank you for providing your perspective and knowledge.

I relate so much to that part about extraverts being raised by a narcissistic parent! I’m an extravert and extremely social, but never got to experience that until years into adulthood because of the extreme control. I don’t think most people comprehend how traumatizing and damaging that is.

I couldn't have a conversation with anyone because she would simply step in and take over. It was often downright embarrassing. Zero boundaries and zero respect. I just stopped talking.

It's honestly like they make you lose your identity. It's so insane...

I would 100% agree with the title. In fact, I've recently come to a realization of sorts while recalling my personality pre-narcissistic friendship experience. After the narcissistic friendship, I went into a year-long isolation where I didn't make any close friends. Even though the people around me were trustworthy, I kept everyone at a distance. An year after the self-imposed isolation, I slowly started allowing myself to make closer friends and trusting people again. But in my moments of doubt, I reverted back to this unhealthy, isolative mode. This actually lead to two months of depression and I had not noticed myself in that state. I was loosing hair, didn't exercise, put the blinds down all day and didn't sleep at all. I reached a tipping point, I think, and I had this sense of intuition to change my environment. I went and lived with my sister and cat for a week, and where we went for walks and the gym. I started to dance and sing again, and it made me wonder how I had become this introverted person when I was a very cheerful, positive person since childhood. Now, after I realized that I went into this protection mode since the narcissistic friendship, I'm slowly challenging myself to do things I've always enjoyed - running, cooking, dancing, painting, swimming etc. I feel this video came at the right moment too ❤

Yes😢 but I’m regaining MYSELF. I’m coming back y’all! This mf won’t stop me!!!

No, it took away my ability to feel safe in my own head. It made me hypervigilant for sound and movement even when I am alone. Extroversion is NOT the default, introverts are perfectly valid and we are NOT BROKEN EXTROVERTS 💔

"it's like dying on the vine". Perfect description of the result of abuse. I have always said this sadistic abuse is a slow kill

It’s one of the worst losses genuinely. The loss of self and the betrayal of self, there’s just something so complex and painful about someone else stealing the parts of you that you loved the most

Absolutely! I felt like a shell of my former self. I didn't enjoy being around people because I constantly felt like my ex would humiliate me.

Socially anxious? yes! thank you for sharing 🙏

After 1.5 years of no contact with the Narc , after 16 years of marriage, & abusive isolation, I went out & met a new group of people. With the new people we were all laughing & having fun. They told me that I was really funny. I had forgotten that I was funny! After 16 years of being told to be quiet, & with the mean flying monkees, I am finally getting out. I am still scared of my shadow alot, but things are moving forward. No contact, no contact, no contact!

I like the use of the word steal, especially... covert, gaslighting, coercive controllers don't advertise their deeds and motives. It's been 11 years for me, since the 21-year marriage ended, and I've watched the next phase of this crazy-making unfold. Living alone is a gift to recovery back to oneself. Thanks again, Dr. Ramani. Love your commitment to educating people with all this great information.

100%. I became a haunted version of my ‘proper self’. I’m an empathic extrovert that got abused by my introverted spouse. Her constant accusations of having affairs and ‘making yourself the centre of attention’ made me crush my nature because I was always trying not to ‘be seen to be doing the wrong thing’. Everything is this video is spot on.

This video describes my recent concerns exactly. I am extraverted but now feel I need to avoid social situations because I am worried about being judged. I am so glad I have people in my life from before the relationship with my narcissistic partner started. Bless them!

He stole my extroversion and my self esteem. People often throw around the word narcissist a lot when they have no clue. I'm still recovering from the trauma and it was only a year's worth.

You’re videos are really informative. Thank you. It would be interesting if you did a video reacting to the movie, Tangled. Mother Gothel is a narcissistic parent.

This 100% happened to me, I was never really an extrovert but I had moments and I really like to talk to people. He constantly told me I said stupid inappropriate things, sometimes he would send me aggressive text to get me to stop talking to people. It got to the point where it just wasn’t worth talking to others for fear of retaliation from him. He is no longer in my life, but I still hear his voice in my head when I’m feeling out going.

I cannot believe how socially anxious I have become! I often tell my grown children that I wish they could have known the real me!

Dr. Ramani your description frees me to see how abused and used Ive been much of my life, feeling so badly, yet not knowing why. Today I do thanks to you and others. I am a therapist who grieves not only for what I didn't know, also what is not taught. I have been in therapy and I was going away because of the coercive control. My beloved therapist thought it was a communication need and I literally fed the narcissist "their heroin" of controlling me or dominating me by the new "love language" presented to "help my husband come out of his traumatized childhood". It wasn't me......Can't wait to read your new book......."it's Not You". Like Nemo, I am finding me again without the layers of another's methodical put downs "for my own good"....."because they care"........because they really don't. Hard to understand the truth of this and it is life givien back to me to do so.

I went to Europe by myself before the narcissistic abuse. Afterwards, I didn't want to leave the house except to get the mail. I thought I had agoraphobia. The world became unsafe, not trustworthy, and hostile. I was a singer and very outgoing and fun. After the narc, I moved away and retired. I no longer enjoy being in crowds of people. I always have that bit of fear in me that he might find me in my hiding place and shoot me. It was heartbreaking, then terrifying.

I understand this very well. I grew up much younger than my siblings and almost like an only child. So Books and my bike were great diversions at home as a child and I felt good. But when in company I always loved other kids and as I grew up I enjoyed other people. I loved it when people told jokes, played games, etc. and I participated. Many many times in my youth my narc sister criticized me for laughing at others' jokes and telling jokes, for dancing at parties, etc. It never stopped me. I always responded 'I do because I enjoy these things.' But even though I responded it didn't and it doesn't mean it bothered me she was trying to change me. She herself never ever has told a joke, or danced! I wonder, do they ever realize how transparent their own pain is? How stupid/foolish they come across when they say these things?

It did. I became a total introvert and a hermit. I don't like myself like this.

Yes! For years I was the talkative girl! I got with a severe covert narcissist and now I’m not!😢He would always grab my arm before we went in to any social gatherings with our son and would tell me” this isn’t the Kathy show, no one wants to hear you!” As time goes by , it just makes you reconsider everything! No one liked me being so reserved, they always asked me what was wrong. I lost many friends because they couldn’t stand what we was doing to me and I ALLOWED it.

Relieved and delighted to learn that extraversion can ultimately protect. And it's interesting that you mentioned the warmth and gregariousness that a patient can bring to therapy that may mask the trouble beneath. My mood is always high when I get to visit my therapist. I absolutely love our exchanges, and I wondered, at first, if my therapist was thinking that everything must be hunky-dory based on my conviviality.

This was me. For over a year, I wouldn't go out on my own. 3 days ago, I went to a gig in a city an hours drive from me. On my own. I had a really nice time. It was hard, I wasn't going to go, I was crying. But, then, I thought to myself, OK, get a shower. Then, get dressed. Then, make up nd hair. Etc. Drive there, park the car and go and find the queue! And, I even spoke to someone! My mojo is coming back. 😊