1. they sabotage your selfcare 2. they sabotage special days 3. they sabotage your relationship with others 4. they sabotage your dreams

"narcissistic relationships are where your needs go to die" - great quote

It's never too late to climb that mountain. I started college at age 54 and graduated at 59, having done 6 years worth of college in 5 years, earning 2 diplomas (accounting and international business) with an average over 80%. Now I am working as a bookkeeper. It's never too late The beginning of my life may have been wasted potential, but that doesn't mean the rest of it has to be! Survivors, WE GOT THIS!

Always dream big, fly high. Don't let the narcissist break your wings.

Wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it. Right is right even if no one is doing it.

Sabotage. He ridiculed my poetry. He ridiculed my fiction. He freaked when he thought my poetry sample was too weak to get me into an MFA program. He urged me not to re-enter doctoral studies because I had quit in the past, so I was likely to quit again. Mind you, I now have an MFA and a PhD! He also sabotaged other dreams-intimacy, a beautiful wedding, children, my dream house-through his future faking and reneging. The divorce was granted a week ago today! Now it’s time to heal, and to live my best life. But those were a pretty devastating 20 years.

3yrs later, loosing weight, no more bowel issues raising my 7 kids by myself, we all feel great!!! Poverty is still there going to law school to change that but thank you soooo much DR Ramani for teaching about narcissistic abuse it helped me come out of the fog, and my 7 kids thank you too 🙏🏽😉❤️

I’m 57, I’m surrounded by narcissists but they can’t stop me. I’m now in college. I will graduate when I’m 60. It’s never too late. 🎉🎉🎉 P.S. if it weren’t for these videos I don’t think I would have ever recovered.

Surviving narcissistic abuse is a SUPER POWER! Wow, thank you Dr. Ramani.

They sabatage relationships between family members using triangulation tactics.

I was raised by two narcissists who were raised by four narcissists, and fell prey to narcissists consistently for the rest of my life…. I’m only just learning now what self care actually means.

I was shamed for 30 years if I wanted to sleep for 8 hours at night. I spent decades only getting 5-6 interrupted hours at night.

Self care is very important if we want to survive because long term narc relationship can cause nervous system dysregulation. We should be our top priority

“Never clip your wings for another human being” really hit home. The uphill struggle IS worth it. YOU, WE are worth fighting for ourselves. Now that I understand these toxic patterns so much better and can see the light, I’m here for it. 🙏🏼✨🥰❤️

'You look nice - going somewhere? Yup...my needs certainly died a death here. My needs arent just secondary they do not exist...... none of my needs are validated......anything I DO is done hidden. I leave in two weeks - its a very difficult time, he is going away on a special cruise, whilst i pay for everything. And, I mean, everything! This financial abuse and psychological (and certain physical abuse: unreasonable reckless demands placed on me - lifting and shifting heavy appliances and furniture - with NO thought for my health - age nor safety) this has been going on since last April. Enough. So now time to literally escape. I am counted as homeless so I have managed to get social housing that is waiting for me. Good luck and much to anyone else in a similar position. I m 72 very soon and this is not the life I envisioned.

My narc convinced me for many years that my desire to create art/music was due to my ego and shamed me for doing selfish/useless things when I’d draw or play music. It’s so easy to believe that you are the incorrect one especially when you are a people pleaser and you are used to curtailing your behavior to suit needs of others.

It seems that no matter how hard you try to express your feelings and share what's bothering you, they always manage to make things worse instead of offering comfort or support

I went back to college at age 32. My then husband hated that. Four hours before an event where I was going to be awarded a professional woman’s scholarship, he came home with another work ‘catastrophe’. It was always something. Anyhow, he got me so upset I couldn’t go to the event. I had bought a new dress and everything.

Sometimes you have to remind people that every one deserves a comb,brush and shower to take foundational care of themselves 😮

The loss of potential makes me sick, too, Dr. Ramani. When bad wins, it's heartbreaking.

Once my narc realized that trying to control me was difficult, he switched to quite successfully, sadly, of controlling other people's perception of me... Evil, pure evil

Dealing with a narcissist is like trying to forge through the Amazon jungle….with a pocket knife. You lose your sense of direction and there’s thicket at every turn.

My mother would sabotage me regularly and it was a gleeful power trip for her. She had a desire to dominate something and “win” and I was the target. She saw me as competition, not as a daughter. I then went on to have relationships that repeated this dynamic. Getting away from it has been a lifelong struggle. Exhausting.

In my opinion, some self-righteous narcissist would not say direct humiliating words when you’re making successful achievements but they would find a way to look down and just be in difference or minimize those by bringing up your weaknesses. The jealousy is absolutely there if they feel you’re doing better and without they even realize they will find a way to sabotage and do things to hinder your success. They just cannot stand it.

I remember I started gardening again to deal with my depression when my mother's health started to decline, and she was heading towards hospice. It was what she, my grandmother, and I used to do when I was young. I grew all kinds of peppers, berries, herbs, and vegetables. When someone asked me about it, I got so excited and was about to get into it. That is until my dad put his hand up and told them, "Don't get her started! Otherwise, you'll never get her to stop talking." Then he went on to look at me and say, "Nobody cares, it's not about you." It was so diminishing of how proud I was of my little garden; it wasn't much but it was mine. Now that she is gone, it's hard for me to go out there without crying, and it makes me feel small to think that something so important to me was seen as so foolishly trivial. Then when I was talking about ways we could help my mother in her transition towards the end of life he told me, "It's easy for you to say or talk about, it's not like you're losing anything." I replied, "You're right, she's just my mother." He looked at me like he had never considered that before. I have countless moments where I was made to feel small right before a big event... music recitals, birthdays, Christmas parties, my aunt's wedding where he made cry right before I was supposed to walk down the aisle as a bridesmaid while telling me, "Are you crying? The world doesn't care about your tears. So, tell me, why should I?" Now that my mother is gone, I feel detached and have distanced myself. It has honestly been the best thing for me, and I do not regret it. Not one bit! Now that I am gone, he acts super nice to me when he calls. However, I hear secondhand from family members how he really feels about me as a person. I know my mother would have wanted me to continue to try to have a relationship with him, but I can't. I just can't!

Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Feel sorry for them, they are hopeless! You can do anything!!

I have been in narcissistic relationships since I was a child. I'm 35 years old, and I've finally decided to focus on myself again and live out my dreams. It's been a struggle to stop being a codependent enabler to the narcissists, but I am determined to continue on my health and self-discovery journey.

When I wanted to take an aerobics class when my son was one year old, my husband got angry and told me I was selfish for spending money this way. I loved the class, and went on to become an instructor so I got PAID for it. He was even angrier and told me I was selfish for taking this time away from my family. I taught two hours a week. His anger lasted the entire five years I taught.

I had to completely cut ties with my toxic narcissistic mother, and some siblings shortly after my dad passed. I had ended a 21-year abusive marriage with a narcissist in 2016, and when my verbally and emotionally abusive dad passed, I just couldn't do it anymore. I was done being abused. I was done being the door mat, punching bag, and scapegoat. I cut all ties to heal. And yes, I have been ridiculed for having to do this in order to take care of myself. I am exhausted from all the years of abuse, rage, blame, hoovering, abandonment, attacks, and love bombs. My family just does not understand. It's all me..what is the matter with me? Nothing. I am working on my healing and enjoying freedom. I finally am getting to know who I am, and I like who I am. I do not have to work hard anymore to try to get my mom to love me. I get to work on loving myself.

I was told that my birthday was “All about you” and diminished. Left walking home on my own one birthday because he said I was arguing when he picked a fight Was offered a membership of the RSA in London because of my achievements for work and disabled. He smeared the offer saying they were only after my membership fee! It never felt the same again!

For me it wasn't even extra 'fun' self-care that I slowly lost, it was just general hygiene and health self-care. It took me until a year out of my toxic relationship to finally feel ok buying myself new glasses after putting up with broken frames for over a year. It took almost two years to start taking time to do preventative doctor and dental checkups again. Even habits like showering and brushing teeth every day were hard to do while in the relationship! All my time had to be spent catering to the narcissist and trying to prevent blow-ups.

16:00 oh yes, it's like they WANT things to go wrong, it makes them feel better.

I had to take care of home/kids/job while he went to the gym. I was shamed for talking with friends on the phone. He stalked me when I went for walks and threatened me. So after 29 years I am isolated, overweight and have autoimmune diseases. BUT my divorce was final on Tuesday. Yay!!

I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness, then I married one. I woke up to realize I’m in a cult married to a passive aggressive narcissist. Thank you Dr Ramani for counterbalancing my thoughts ❤

Omg. In the first sentence you nailed it! I did just that. After a few years of being verbally abused I quit trying to make him happy and focused on me. In the first 2 or 3 years I quit being as affectionate after being pushed away because no time was a good time for a kiss. He even told me I fussed too much over my dog but my dog didn't push me away. Hence the reason once my husband died I realized the dog was enough company for me. And at my age I would rather be alone with a dog than alone with a man.(and I was married 29 years)

"Your coffee maker walks off the counter" 🤣🤣🤣

My narcissistic pastor has continually put down my awesome education, saying that degrees and colleges mean nothing. I’m sick of it.

I’m married to a narcissist at the moment. When I go to get my hair done, or do something for myself he abruptly toss in my face that I’m being a bad mother and a bad wife because I’m caring for myself. My husband is the worse kind of narcissist. My husband lies, cheats, disrespects me, and demeans me often and it’s all my fault according to him.

I come from being the scapegoat/invisible child. My older sibling has an inability to connect with me. I was isolated during childhood. I was held down and from achieving too much. It was difficult. But long story short, I have just completed a Bachelor in Education Degree at the age of 45. We can do it... Against all odds. R

My narcissistic mother literally tried to pathologize me as autistic because I had certain sensitivities. Because my responses to those sensitivities to bright lights or hunger or stress got in the way of what my mother wanted to do with me, she spent years trying to take me to clinics and diagnose me with a spectrum disorder. Then I ended up with a girlfriend and now wife who is a mental health professional, and it turns out I can't be diagnosed by the DSM as autistic. I was perfectly fine--I just have my own typical human vulnerabilities that need to be cared for! So yeah, my need for self-care was admonished to the utmost degree.

Stay away from them.

I was one of those people who was ashamed of my wasted time until I read something that said "if you start now it will take you the same amount of time to complete it as it would have if you did it years ago" basically if you worry about how long it will take to achieve your dreams after a delay it will only delay it more. So just do it now.

My ex husband seemed to pretend to be happy when I got my bachelors degree then when I began working on my doctorate.. but each time he’d be caught cheating and it became my fault. I don’t think he ever wanted me to do better. I never understood that until I began watching Dr. Ramani’s videos.

I had to give up from condo, my autonomy, my friends, job, career, needs, my authenticity, relationships and my mental health, but I am taking myself back thru your healing program and taking steps in that direction daily. Keeping my boundaries and focusing on my life again. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

I remember one time, the narcissist in my life decided that me graduating college with an associate's degree was too good for him. He prevented me from being able to go to my graduation party. And he even hid my degree paper. To this day I still have a picture of my degree paper but I still cannot find it. Unfortunately it's going to cost money to even try to get a replacement for it and I still have a hard time bringing myself to spend it

As a survivor, I can confirm: that's exactly what Narcissists do. They have no humility to speak of, and boast of ANYTHING they can make up just to spite you. They are ANATHEMA to all that is good in your life, just to see you broken. Whereas another fellow human being would help you aim to greater heights, all they can think of is how to bring you DOWN. Being all by yourself beats being next to someone like this ANY AND ALL DAYS.

Severe all relationships with malignant narcissists completely! Ask yourself would you work for a company with a toxic culture? It is the narcissist who has to step down from thier high horse and court and win you over not vice versa and if they can't well then it is their loss because of their malady and not yours. Period. Don't take over half a century to work this one out as I did.

I recently got out of a 25 year marriage. This is exactly what I’m working on now. Trying to find my worth, value and what I love. I don’t even know anymore. When I’m with friends and asked to find a spot for us to sit, I panic. Others don’t understand how debilitating it is. This video is so encouraging. I’m going to rewatch it a lot. Thank you Dr Ramani. I might still be stuck in that relationship if not for your videos and understanding about this stuff 😊

Since childhood I stored a little light in myself (during so much abuse by parents) that no one could ever managed to put out of me. This little light of mine is now rising thanks to Your support to Us. ❤️

"You should be too big for your britches." So true! And I'm with you on the dream killers. It is absolutely maddening and disgusting what narcs will do to hold people back from what they really want to do.

My ex narc was very opinionated. I received 1 compliment in 5 years, and that was in the beginning. He made fun of people and expect me to laugh with him. He was jealous of what other people have. Oh,how he LOVED Sports cars! He would stare at the owner getting inside the car with ENVY..So glad i left him. Another GREAT topic!!

Back in 2017, I got accepted into an Ivy League school for grad school. My ex-husband and ex-MIL right away said that "It's easy to get into top schools with your discipline. There isn't as much competition." It's an Ivy League with the lowest acceptance rate. Another time, I had to make a paypal payment for an international conference and I didn't have paypal. My ex-husband said he'd let me use his. He kept saying "I'll do it later" and then 6 hours before the deadline, he said he can't. My best friends living in different time zones helped me out in 2 hours. Wanted to organize a special dinner with families from both of our sides on our first anniversary. My ex-MIL threw a tantrum that her sister and niece have to be invited, but no extended family from my side. And then threw a tantrum that she won't come if the guest list is not as per her preference. We gave up the plan. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Your insights about NPD helped me find closure....because that man and his mother never apologized.

Yes!!! Every Mother’s Day was a silent treatment. He never encouraged my children to do anything special for me.

I'm still stuck in rumination over a job I left 7 years ago. I'm still hurting. What gets me is that all of the times he sabotaged my work, my relationships, my reputation, my projects, he was hurting his own business. There were so many times that being nasty to me was more important than a lost opportunity. I just don't get it.

From trying to eat healthy, to advancing my career, to education, I've been sabotage my whole marriage. My love for her would not allow me to see the truth of the matter. Since learning of NPD I know it's not my fault anymore. Thanks for the info.

One month before my thesis was due for submission to complete my Master's degree, my narc husband threw a big tantrum and disappeared for 3 days, leaving me with our 11-month-old baby. Thanks, Doc! You are right on!

This all is incredibly spot on. My ex said things like, “a monkey could do your job” shortly after I’d win a big award. He would undercut and question my abilities every promotion I got. He said, “I am here, and you are here.” *putting his hand high up for him and low for me* because, at the time, he made more. Now, almost a year after the traumatic event that was the move out, I am happily living alone and making more money than him.

OMG ... that's exactly what I've done for decades ... self care on the sly. Everything must be perfect at home and then I sneak out while he's at work to go to doctor/dentist and vet appointments for my cats and dog. It is pretty nerve-wracking, but telling him is worse.

I was raised with a narcissist father and codependent mother. I don’t like the term self care and I was raised to feel it is selfish to do things for yourself when when someone else is/may be suffering or doing without…. So, no self care.

After 23 years I'm still not over the abuse from my covert narcissist husband (who all adored), yet I didn't let him stop me from achieving my dreams. In fact, I think I achieved more out of pure determination from living with such confusing punishment for way, way too long. Unfortunately we didn't know back then about narcissism. And it was many years until I realized he got off on punishing me in any way he could. If he knew one thing didn't work, he'd try another until he found something that would work. My health suffered so he managed by beating me up emotionally. Please don't forget that they enjoy our pain.

My therapist calls it “self-soothing” which helps when dealing with narcissists.

Had my own biz for five years. An LLC. I LOVED it. Looking back, I know I let the negative comments intimidate me and lessen my self-confidence. Yes, I am quite angry when I look back. But I don't want to be angry at myself for letting the narcissist debilitate me. I just want to see the experience as a lesson. But man, wish I had learned all this sooner.

Radical acceptance and awareness makes me see how vulnerable I truly am to the subtle things that make me uncomfortable and erode my self esteem. I see and hear more but try not to be affected by those things. The constant psychological battle is exhausting.

Perfect timing. Thank you! “Why do narcissists try to ruin the big days in your life?” Glad someone said it! Very validating right now. They’re not happy if you’re not doing well enough, (you’re not good enough) and they’re not happy if you actually start to do well. It’s impossible to be around them. Thank you for this video!

Even though making more money for the household benefits the Narcissist, sabotaging the ability to train or promote. Not about getting ahead, about eating up the energy of someone else doing better. Yep, been there.

Thank you so much, Doctor Ramani. It is incredible, how you can help me heal from a lifetime of complex PTSD with a pervert mother and a covert father. I spent my life trying to please my poor daddy who was a victim of my evil mom. He was not able to defend himself, so his children took this responsibility for him. It is only when I had a severe depression, after being a pathological people pleaser for all my life, that I realized: My father manipulated me for my whole life. He even tried to turn my son against me and almost succeeded. I am now 51 and just starting to understand all of this. Your work has such a great importance in my life. Thank you so much for shining your true self... that the world so much needs. All my love and respect to you, beautiful human xxx

Dr. Ramani. This video is an inspiration to me. I can’t thank you enough for your honesty and caring for people going through the trauma of narcissism abuse. Last Christmas I decided to go no contact with my older daughter. this week I radically excepted that my younger daughter is narcissistic as well. Losing both of my daughters is incredibly painful. We are a very small family. The prospect of losing them all breaks my heart. This video has given me hope for the future. I’m 74 and I’ve been a victim of narcissistic abuse my whole life. Thank you so much for the hard work that you do.

I remember my teenage self complaining to the pastor of my church that my parents were too demanding. The poor man told me to "work hard because they want the best for me". I just had to show them I was "doing better". I didn't have the knowledge about narcisism back then but I remember asking him: what if it's never enough? The best he could say was that certainly it would be enough someday. Well, he was wrong. 😂 sad but true. Narcisistic families are so cruel. You're always confused and ashamed. The worst for me was to be forced to pretend my family was perfectly happy to the others. If I couldn't lie properly then they would just lock me home, never allowing me to have friends. In these families the truth and reality are crafted by the parents to dominate and control you and they need you insecure, ashamed and fearfull for that.

I have survived narcissistic abuse and couldn't agree more it is a super power! It does take time and it's hard to even imagine ever feeling like you'll feel like you'll have a super power. It took leaving a narc marriage and meeting countless more to find that power, but my goodness did I find it! For those going though this believe in yourself, you are strong. Dr Ramani you are an amazing women and it is people like you that make all the difference in the world. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do.

As long as GOD is with us we are not alone 🎉

My narc would keep trying to sabotage my desire to lose weight. He'd support it verbally then go buy candy for me after i asked him not to, or keep asking me if i wanted more food, knowing i have triggers. I had to keep telling him over and over. He finally listened and stopped but yeesh. I think for him it was the worry that id "get hot and leave" , you know, the typical stereotype

Abandonment anxiety I’ve heard of and experienced with children. BUT separation anxiety is when they pick an enormous fight , throw a huge wobbly before they leave for what they are doing or vice versa . Resulting in leaving you feeling destabilized for the tasks you need to perform.

Yes! My narcissistic boyfriend worked in the same building as the office of my job interview that day. He managed to saunter over and break up with me, just minutes before I was called into the department director’s office. I’ll never forget it. Now, he’s a director at a big company. I have no doubt he’s a narcissistic boss.

He always told me I wasn't capable of doing anything for myself. He made it clear I needed him for everything but yet he was never really there when I did need him.

I believe the stress I was put under dusting my 25 year relationship with my covert narcissist partner/ husband was the main cause of my stage 3c cancer. I’ve worked so hard to get away and start to focus on m. I am still here 6 years after diagnosis to look after my girls who were not responsible for their narcissistic step fathers behaviour but didn’t get the support they needed.

Yes. She kept trying to get me to quit my job (a job I loved), and would put me down saying I was arrogant and braggy because I was happy with my work and proud of my accomplishments. For the record, I am not arrogant...I just have a cheerful self-appreciation.

This is such an extremely accurate explanation of my past narcissistic marriage. I'm healing so quickly now that I'm not around that.

Survivor here - brother was diagnosed 1 year ago with NPD. Then i found myself on this page! Dr Ramani has literally helped answer all the questions I had about my Brother. As a survivor, im here to encourage all readers that you have the power to say No and walk away. It will take time, but it works - if you are reading this - im proof that you will be ok, and that you are not alone! Keep at these videos, find a therapist or as the good Dr says, find a community group online (using a friends phone), so you dont get isolated ❤ YOU GOT THIS

The road to recovery is very hard and long indeed, but believe in yourself and educate yourself. It helps

It is no surprise they are suddenly behaving very well. It hurts their ego too much to know they're being studied 😂😂😂. Some are apologizing to me, which of course I accept... but I remain under your guidance because It has rewired my brain and changed my life forever. I'm going to really enjoy your book. We need to keep studying this fascinating group. They are going to be back at it in about five minutes.

After 24 years of marriage, I left my husband. I took four of my five minor children with me, and left the state. I've since cut and dyed my hair, I've put the kids into public school where they are thriving, and I'm making a life for myself. But the biggest thing that hit me, was when my kids told me, they don't miss getting yelled at all the time, and they don't miss hearing me get yelled at. My husband was so much more abusive than I ever realized. It's been 100 days today! (I just looked at my tracker 🤣) and I am STILL learning, and uncovering all the damage. He raped me. He was teaching the boys that a husband can’t rape his wife because he owns her body. He decided the Bible didn't forbid polygamy. He threatened any attempts at divorce would be hell and he'd tell everyone I was crazy. And the lies, manipulation, coercion.... he never hit me. But he did so much worse :( We are out now, he's turned my older kids against me, and we still need to get through court, but 90% of the time I have zero doubts I'll win easily.

I had a mother who had major issues with my self-care from a very early age. Everthing was a battle. She hated that my grand mother brushed out my hair and put it up before school. My grandmother and I bonded during this time. So she tells me we're going to the store. We actually went to a beauty parlour to cut off all my very long hair. My grandmother was furious. I looked like a boy. this was 2nd grade. By junior high it was knock down drag out fights, over everything, me buying make up, getting a maicure, taking a bath. I was gone by 17.

"Never clip your wings for another human being. Love means letting someone soar and limiting another human being in any way is abuse"🙏🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤ Thanks for the reminder ❣️ When I learned - thanks to you - I was being abused I decided to put an end to almost 20 years marriage with a malignant covert narcissist. I was determined to fly high and now I'm flying. Thanks to you, I got bended but no way broken💜💜💜

Your videos and podcasts have been so helpful for me. Narcissists are attracted to me like bees to honey. My mother is one, and I married one. The more I practice, the faster I catch these familiar patterns in my relationships. Yes, the wasted years and the loss of potential are heartbreaking for me. I could give you a long list of them. I just want to get to the point that narcissists are repelled by me. I have honestly just tried to stay alone because it's safer, finally moving forward in a career and getting my own modest house set up. I am 50 years old, two years out of a divorce. I finally am starting to feel as though my head is getting above water. My "stories"? I could write a book. A couple of small examples about my mother: I was my high school mascot. I was basically performing as a cheerleader, but in a 30-degree hotter suit, and with larger body gestures. I was so good at it, that a nationally-recognized cheer organization placed me third on the West Coast and offered me a scholarship. But, my mother downplayed it. She would not take me to the interview, and she made a joke out of the whole affair. It was not until years later that I got some stage recognition, working as a dancer for a couple of modestly-famous music bands, and I realized how she must have known that she was sabotaging me. Thirty years later, my mother is 81, and she sabotaged my nephew's wedding, out of state. He first moved his wedding date to accommodate her, then when she realized that she was going to be lodging with me, my son, and my ex-husband (another narcissist), she pulled out. I had to cancel my vacation rental. I am used to her shenanigans now though, and had a back-up plan to stay with my sister and the wedding party in cabins, close to the wedding destination. I am not sure if my son and my ex-husband will come now, but at least I have a plan in place for myself. That's the best you can do with a narcissist. And, NEVER tell them of your plans, if there is at all a glimmer of a chance that they can sabotage you, because they will- mark my words. They want the attention on themselves, good or bad, no matter what.

This video/audio sent chills up my spine. You know “my” TWO narcissists so very well. My first, 46 year tight marriage, my biggest fear was FEAR. Once I left and came back more than a few times, he never, ever in 46 years said I’m sorry. When I finally left for the very last time, people that knew I were shocked! They said, no way…you two are “perfect” we always thought you were Ozzie and Harriet. My second narcissist was slightly “better” but ALL of your points hit home. I left him and now have been in therapy for a year and making beautiful strides to Living alone; happily. You, Dr. Ramani and Nejwa Zebian♥️ and my therapist are bringing me to the person I always should have been. I’m loving my life. Thank you, thank you. Perhaps Dr Ramani your next book should be to NEW parents, how NOT to raise a narcissist.

I find your words so comforting. Thank you 🙏🏻. Narcissistic relationships are very lonely places to be, and it comforts me to listen to you - you truly understand x

My mother always tried to make me feel guilty on the rare occasions I wanted to go out with friends. She always needed to be there when I went out with my dad (they weren't together) or even if I was talking with dad on the phone. She kept calling me at work because she "wanted to know what I wanted to have for dinner."

I never could put my foot on why I felt guilty and reserved about saying anything that I would do in reference to taking care of myself I felt so guilty. The responses I would get were , strange and bizarre, or completely ignored, and trivialized ….Ie-“ sharing an exercise feeling stronger day, and was told “I’m nervous for you. I just care you are doing too much “???just didn’t know what was happening with the covert narcissist. this has has pinpointed it perfectly!

Self Care ... oh my gosh! YES!! As a young child about 12- 13 yrs old, when we're just old enough to start exploring makeup and hairstyles and self grooming.. my older EXTREMELY Narcissistic sister would shame me and accuse me of being "so vain" and of course thats just when the song was so popular, #1 on charts,in 1973 "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon.. oh yes! My sister LOVED accusing me of this as if doing my hair and playing with makeup was BAD! and then accused me of being LAZY .. my parents are Narcissists too , and we were NEVER allowed to watch Sat morning cartoons if my Dad caught us, there was hell to pay! Cuz there are Chores needing to be done! I'm 61 now and have so many illnesses, Cancer, multiple Autoimmune diseases and chronic pain, etc. and to this day, (although thanks to your channel I'm just now understanding what happened to me) I've let my looks go .. so now at 61 I'm getting my hair done, cut & color and I'm going to shop for some nice clothes, so i can begin feeling good about myself.. but i still have hard time resting and being kind to myself.. thank you Dr. Ramani.. my sister, till just recently, has abused me and invalidated my whole life, and my mother justified my sister's abuse and invalidated me and what was happening.. i was invalidated by my mother, sister & now deceased father..and my late husband. Thank you Dr. Ramani for all you do for us!

Thank you for this. I desperately need to get out and escape my narc family. All my life I was humiliated for not being as numb as them and they kept gaslighting me to the point that I barely finish my projects/education. I graduated but my personal projects were put on hold because of my family's toxicity. Much love from the Philippines.

Whenever Doc says "it may not be fully conscious for them" I weep. There's no winning for the people suffering.

My narcissist sabotages every holiday, every birthday and every special event. She either throws a childish fit the day before the event and doesn’t go or is in such a piss poor mood that she makes it impossible to be joyful or happy. She will attend family gatherings but the ride to and from the event is most miserable. She trash talks everything and everybody. Gaslights, projects and deflects all the way up till time to get out of the car. I have to admit that I am prone to poke the bear when she starts. I get so tired of hearing it over and over again. I’m getting ready to take my grandson on a fishing with my oldest son and daughter in law. She’s already pretended to be sick one day this week. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. We leave in the morning.

Didn't expect to cry. Man the loss of potential and having a ltd time left to reach dreams hurts so badly. And yes--the implications of the dynamic for the whole world! We need heroes--people who can withstand threats from malignant narcissists. But what if those threats extend to family? Who can withstand such terror? How???

“…..Like having a really badly behaved child you’re not allowed to discipline….” …….So exhausted 😮‍💨 but further along than I was last year. Thanks Dr Ramani for making it make sense ❤

Yes--was the recipient of snide remarks at my college graduation. Yet, flip side, so sweet and consoling when I failed at something. Man, I can so relate.

the first thing at the end of my relationship, was : having too much energy. I didn't know what to do with it. i was stunned by it. i felt my age again and even younger!

Glad I watched this one to hear, “if you survived this, u can survive anything” again. I have some public speaking coming up & like they say ppl fear humiliation more than death…So I guess it’s a plus to have so much toxic shame & social anxiety sometimes they give you, because you’ve already suffered & conquered it. 😅

Self care does not have to be complicated, a large part is being loving and kind towards yourself. Prune malign influences/influencers from your life. This is among the most sage legal advice ever received. Dr Ramani, your help has been invaluable. I am not certain I would have healed so completely without your knowledge, guidance and agape. I feel profound gratitude and respect for your loving care and advice.

Thank you for the work you do on this subject. I'll never have the words to describe how much you've helped me.

The most severe sabotage I experienced was from my narcissistic mother. My daughter passed away and rather than being there for me she checked herself into the hospital and said that she was having a nervous breakdown. I ended up being there for her rather than mourn the loss of my daughter. She then refused to assist with any funeral arrangements stating that she couldn’t deal with it. She did many other things during that time to ensure that I wouldn’t get any attention or help from other family members. It took me many years to realize that she really didn’t want me to have any attention during that time. Thank you Dr. Ramani for all of your videos. They’ve helped me tremendously!