Hi Katya my boyfriend broke up with me via text after argue but not at the moment when we were together and we where ok he looked normally as usual. But when he went at his home he sent me a text and said me he doesnt want to meet me anymore because we had maybe 2 ore 3 time debat om man and women relationer n general. The next day he made a dating profile when he is searching for a new girlfriend to forget me. (he is 10 Years older than me but it was so immature) And he is talking bad for me overall for this.I tried to call him to explain but he ignored me and then I texted him and explain and told that I was very hurt,I thanked him and I wished him good luck.Now I am 2 weeka NC I am suffering a lot because I was very kind to him and I don't think I deserve this. He was coming always to my place but I haven't been t his home because he had a grown son.

Yes because they appear to be secure at the start and then boom, what is the deal?

@@tonyalee5257 You showed a flaw and fell from the pedestal.

So true!!

Exactly…😢

Absolutely true.

💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾 Well done! Enjoy! I'm done with avoidants. I pray for the same. 🙏🏾

@Christina Megan Did you ever consider that the DA is not the love of her life, and that the person she has now been with a year is the love of her life?

@@rickcaldwell2862 Life is what you make it by the decisions you make for good or bad.

I agree. I wish I could read early who is who

@Christina Megan the dismissive avoidant was not the love of my life, he was a choice I made in a bad moment of my life. I am too happy to go back tp him. He called me a few times. I did not answer the phone.

period!

No. They need to work on themselves and learn to heal from their past trauma, so they can become secure within themselves. Your lack of empathy and compassion makes me think that you are the one who should remain single forever.

@@twowheelie9552agree He's projecting

​@@twowheelie9552 You are spot on. Yeah I been hurt by my DA but to banish her from finding someone who fits her needs just isnt what us humans should even contemplate. We all need healing.

I feel your pain. They should come with a warning label. And if any DA's read this and get triggered you should have more compassion and try standing in the shoes of someone who tries to love you. We don't have any idea what your inner life is like (because you don't share it) and we are love starved for your attention.

And MOVE ON

Yep. So much time can be wasted hyper-fixating on someone not giving you the same amount of consideration. Once I accepted it for it was, I just got on a roll on my studies and having great memories with friends that actually enjoyed my company. Greater opportunities are available to all of us.

...and never return. Closure from the damage and drama is 😌

Exactly. I was the one who was more invested and he’s definitely dismissive and/or avoiding and I was the anxious one. So I did it for myself, he gave me a lot of attention at first, he said all the right things but once he realized I was all in he pulled away and said that he didn’t think a relationship between us wouldn’t work, I tried to stay as friends but I was really hurting myself in the process. I know myself and my patterns and if I had stayed hoping he would be the same as he was when we first started talking I would’ve been very miserable. Don’t get me wrong I still miss the attention, but in reality I never really got to know him I just liked the idea of him, the potential he had with me. I know I’m a great catch but he didn’t see it or he’s simply not interested. I know he’s physically attracted to me but I had already developed feelings and in the long run that’s not sustainable. I have had to stop myself from reaching out many times already, I only hope I can be strong enough to not reach out.

Doing all of the above. After 3 months it is starting to feel better.

Seems like a solid plan to me. 😎

I am not sure that reward or punishment is a strategy from a potential partner. A DA can be severely damaged and at one point a potential partner has to decide whether he or she can compensate for these failings or move away. We go into a relationship for partnership and not for re-education.

@@anewlifestirring I get what you are saying. However a relationship shouldn’t be one sided either. A relationship should be ping pong 🏓 I understand that people with DA or other avoidant attachment style are going through something traumatic. But I just don’t see the excuse. We all have something dark from the past. If I may share my experience with my DA ex. She loved me like crazy and I loved her just as much. I was there for her through thick and thin. I did everything to make sure she was happy. And I respected and gave her space when she needed it. I literally did everything for her. And she told me I was the best thing she had ever experienced. Yet she triggered from something I didn’t know. I asked if she wanted to talk about it. She didn’t which I respected. However went through hot and cold and eventually ghosted me and disappeared. She left me without explanation. For months I tried to figure her out. I rebuild myself. Then she came back and wanted to try again. It didn’t last long, then she did exact same thing. Then I was in an accident and nearly lost my life. She knew, but she never gave a rats ass about me when I was hospitalized. After long time of getting back on my feet, getting strong again, then she came again. However this time I was fed up with her. So I asked why she did this to me. She couldn’t say. But she loved me. I told her that she had a weird way of showing it then. I did everything for her through her hard times, yet she didn’t have the decency to ask how I was during my accident. Hell not even send a card or at least a text wishing me well. Then she ghosted me again. Now I have moved on because I can’t play this immature game no longer. She still contacts me but I’m done. I respect people when they need space etc. but that doesn’t mean I should reward them for taking me for granted or treating me like garbage whenever they feel like it. My time is precious too. I Am also worth something. So I don’t see the excuse DA people have. If you love someone then you don’t treat them like trash. And perhaps they should seek help or work on themselves. I work on myself always to respect my partners needs. Perhaps they should grow up and do the same. Anyway sorry for my long text. I just wanted to share my experience.

@@kubel83 i agree We should know what we expect from a relationship and what we are willing to contribute and as soon as a personality trait that we cannot cope with appears, we need to decide on the correct distance to be adopted. Beyond this, we cannot tell people how they need to run their lives or compensate for their handicaps. You can take a horse to the river, but you cannot oblige it to drink

@@kubel83 sorry to read what you have put up with and my experience is similar so I can relate to yours My taking is that once you have figured out this disorder you have to learn to adapt and hold reasonable distances and expectations

Period! Yes❤️

This!!!!

Want anyone's attention how they move on ,lose one guy go to another in truth most girls like this are from the street.

​@@brendanhiggins3442 this attachment style can develop anywhere

Yes an avoidant is just naturally meant to live an Independent Single life

Sad 😞 but so f true..

My new dating mantra “I am no longer available for emotionally unavailable men”!

@@hippydippytrippy9804 Excellent!

As an Avoidance style myself this is what normally happens when a girl breaks up with me, no contact. I send her three or four facebook messages the week, no response? Well, I start flirting with that other hottie I got my eye on and try get her in bed. LOL The only reason I ever date a girl is for the sex. The only reason I don't dump her right after the sex, is because I know girls felt cheap and hurt. So, I give her an actual try after the first time having sex, for three or four weeks and still feel she is not the right girl for me, I am breaking up with her.

How do I know they’re dismissive avoidant?

Let’s all stop playing their childish game. Let them go.

Sometimes they come back and they're still not yours.

@@thomasrussell4674 That’s not coming back I’m talking about. That’s pretending to come back to pretended relationship - which becomes obvious very quickly.

RIP DMX!!

Sometimes they will come back and go over and over each time you lose more heart..what a painful experience the worst part was my daughter started hurting because I was so hurt. I started a business and she still loves me..when I feel badly and lonely I try to remember I got back what really matters my kids trust and joy..his love started to feel so scary anyways I felt like I had to be 3 beers deep to handle his presence. All praises to the most high! He helped me stay alive and helped me start a business and move to a nicer place all that on a broken heart on fire with pain..one day I asked God is this you? Are you really making a way for me? I look up and the cement truck infront of me says aurora concrete paving the way for you...if you learn about God he will reach out to you..even if this all goes sideways I got him and sometimes you might wait a long time on him. I recommend starting a prayer journal a place for you and your creator..Jesus blood its a wrap anyhow:)!! Lion roar in my heart

Most avoidants that I’ve been with don’t seek therapy or work on themselves. They need to! That’s why they hurt people!

@@user-cm5jb4co1i yet you keep going for avoidants. Seems more like your hurting yourself and blaming it on your life choices

Baby please understand that you are HUMAN healing has A LOT to do with forgiving yourself and others but most importantly you're self you were young you didn't ask to be a avoidant this doesn't have to be the end of your story awareness is key and it's a start the biggest obstacle I have seen with avoidants in general is they carry a I AM DEFECTIVE WOUND and they have a defeated mindset this stops you from growing to stay away from people for the rest of your life is not the answer please try therapy it won't be easy because yes you will have to be vulnerable honest truthful and accountable but blaming yourself for a life time will help NOBODY you are doing more harm then good by feeling defeated nobody is immune to change including you if you want to you can and change does not mean perfect but you can learn the tools you NEED to show up DIFFERENTLY in your relationships with people starting with yourself just the fact that you have awareness is huge my ex is an avoidant he hurt me to my soul and I know deep down he regrets hurting me to we both were not perfect and either one of us knew about attachment styles I'm in therapy now because of all the pain I had inside me my ex still to this day hasn't done much to work on his self and won't do therapy and its one of an avoidants biggest mistakes not seeking the professional help that they need until they hit rock bottom dont do that to yourself and learn the hard way please do the work on yourself your doing your self and others a huge favor by doing something about it change is possible for avoidants too but you truly have to want it good luck

@@user-cm5jb4co1i Mine claims she was in therapy, but oddly enough the therapist sided with her and didn't think she had any issues whatsoever that I was the person at fault. I begged her to let me sit in with a session to give my side of the story, but of course my side was never heard. At one point, when she pushed me so far to the edge that I left upon her repeated demands to find another girl...I did...Of course she said I "cheated" on her and became a butt end of jokes of hers on facebook which of course all her friends laughed about... Bottom line, without REAL therapy a DA is one hellacious roller coaster ride, way more downs than ups.

I Agree. It should be treated like any breakup that has been initiated by the other person. Any other reason is just an excuse for us to reach out

I’m a former dismissive avoidant .. my girl went no contact with me for a month.. I went to therapy and I’m getting help . The crisis hit me when the woman I love left my life. Then I went into crisis mode and realized I loved this woman so much that I was willing to do the work to change…I never realized that such attachment types were so real.. now I’m changing. I’m going to love and be loved.🥰

I finally gave up after 7yrs and went nc, hurts like hell but worth the healing

@Joel why the phone number?

This! If they wanna walk away, let them walk. Let’s not play their childish game.

Thanks for letting me know what resonated!

Nice wisdom

Thanks for sharing! Glad that resonated for you. 😊

Well thanks!

Thank you for the feedback. Glad you’re finding my channel helpful. 🙏

@@KatyaMorozova You're very welcome.

Thanks for your feedback! Im glad you found it helpful.

💯

That’s the realest statement right there. I couldn’t agree more. Brutal and the slightest thing they take as offense it’s off to silence they send you again.

totally agree with u

@@TexasRain45 Exactly this. No contact now for 3 months and anxiety gone

Same here. Been ghosted by a DA for 3 months now. Glad im getting better and stronger. Though I still love him. Im just not sure if I still want him to be a part of my life.

@@TexasRain45 OMG you are so right. I never experienced anything like this than what I did with her. I say a WORD wrong in a sentence she wouldn't talk to me for a day(s) and I would have to beg for forgiveness over what most normal people would have solved in five minutes tops.

I agree. They are way too prideful to reach out after no contact and say “I’m sorry I did this….”

Why thank you for the thoughtful compliment.

I feel this man. Sorry.

did they ever have a rebound relationship? or meet someone else? that you know of?

And how did you deal with it? How did you spend those 45 days?

Good for you. I'm almost in my four months break up already. Broke NC twice since March and went around the block once. I did not know he was a DA. Glad I came across these kids of videos over the past four months. It kept me from possibly dying due to depression. I'm in a different place right now compared before. My ex birthday was even done already and I did not even greet him: hope that sends him a message that I won't be waiting for him any longer. I already set a deadline. Happy for you...

Good for you. I'm almost in my four months break up already. Broke NC twice since March and went around the block once. I did not know he was a DA. Glad I came across these kids of videos over the past four months. It kept me from possibly dying due to depression. I'm in a different place right now compared before. My ex birthday was even done already and I did not even greet him: hope that sends him a message that I won't be waiting for him any longer. I already set a deadline. Happy for you...

She is not your responsibility and it's not your job to fix her.

I appreciate that!

Thank you!

They don't know how to handle emotions I believe a lot of them are autistic

That’s a narcissist. Maybe a covert narcissist or another type. They can easily be confused with a DA. But the main indicator is a lack of empathy especially while crying. Recommend watching Raw Motivation’s (Ben Taylor) video on crying in front of a narcissist- it’s a text book indicator.

Umm NO avoidants do that too lol they don't know how to deal with emotions it's weird and uncomfortable for them so that is something they are capable of that behavior isn't exclusive to just narcissist false...

Yer that'll trigger a shutdown, just as weird for him, he'll Sense that he's expected to do something but lacks the tools. so high emotion display=shutdown followed by feelings of inadequacy cause he didn't have the tools to give you what you need=withdrawal to reconcile and self-soothe the failure feelings followed by further shame for not being there -will possibly begin to negative partner internally to counter negative self thoughts 'partner is too needy, too emotional, too reliant on others etc.then stops withdrawing because emotionally he feels under control (incident is boxed in a mental corner with a blanket thrown over for good measure), may avoid the incident mentally and verbally and continue on as if never happened. Weirdest is when we shutdown mid argument, emotions high then nothing. It's like a switch, almost dissociative we know we should be feeling something but don't. It's not that DAs don't feel, it's that their emotional system gets overloaded very quickly and we don't have tools to confront high or even mid emotional situations so we avoid situations where that might happen and avoid dealing with it/ confronting situation when it does.

How's your relationship going?

How are you doing now nanu?

Communication is much better. No more 'breakdowns in communication', no more upsets. He still doesn't share much from his side but he listens to me, provides emotional support, responds in a calm supportive way. Recently, I shared with him a video about the 4 attachment styles and he actually watched it till the end, recognizing himself as the avoidant/dismissive.

Im 10 months into my first encounter with one. The behaviour is peculiar, instead of progression theres regression. I recently tried to get her to open up and was met with contempt and her finding faults in myself.. Apparently im too sensitive 😂 i read online that might be the response

get to know yourself brother move on and heal yourself or else its gonna eat you up🙌🏼

Don’t do it…it will cause you more pain than you can imagine.

Learn ur lesson yet ? did she dump you cause you sneezed one day?

Thank you! Coming soon..

Your beautiful inside and out.. thank you for what you do

@@HANZELVANDERLAAY Thank you!

Any update? I got the same situation now.

Same after 3 months being together no romance finally she was like im not feeling anything strong we cant be together and she was like you are too good for me

Went thru that for a month, he came back n did the same for a week. NC now I'm done fr

That’s very sweet of you. Glad you dig the videos!

Thanks for letting me know!

This.

I think that you can change, i was an avoidant, got in a great relationship with excellent communication and that completaly changed my type of attachment to a secure and more open one, honesty and trust are the way to get better.

@@daa6677 I'm truly totally happy for you !

Love this comment!!

We gave our all to these people

@@westcoastorbust2462 I gave 5,000% to this woman only to be sh!t on over and over.

@@afrank198 buddy, I haven’t spoke to her since I posted this comment. Don’t plan on either. Even if she texts me. I’m over it.

i went no contact with this girl I'm talkin to cuz I thought she was playing games. I left her last msg on read and then 2 weeks later unfollowed her on ig. Still havent spoken in 3 weeks but I feel like I might've pulled back too much and i now i cant be the one to initiate contact so it might be over smh

Yeah DAs tend to have elitist families. They value their family’s opinion over anything else, even if the relationship has some logistical issues that can be worked out like finances, they will judge you, and leave you. This is my story. My bf got tired of me trying to figure out logistical issues in my life so he bounced, which is fair but it’s also not fair when I NEVER judged him for anything I thought relationships were supposed to be about working together

they feel hurt but keep reassuring themsleves that nothing is wrong with them and distract themselves with other partner until the pain is gone and restart a new relationship with another partner as a reobnd and if it fail,they start thinking about the one partner who was not so bad (you) and come back hoping that you will let them in since for them,a year is enought for you to forgive and forget about what they did to you.(they also become depressed ) ,you don't need them,move on!

She should’ve never been given a second chance Cheaters and liars should’nt be rewarded

she cheated...it her character...date somoene who bring the same energy as you F her!

Bro throw her in the bin and keep her there

They will be always reaching out as they never want to lose your entirely. They are doing it for the selfish reasons. My avoidant would have been happy to be friends the next day we broke up.

Hey thanks for letting me know! Glad it felt accurate. ✨

Lol...way to embrace that psychosis!

Why not stay single though? Walking through life terrorizing others and giving them new traumas to heal from doesn't sound like a very kind thing to do.

@@nbee6217 rather than objectively assessing themselves and getting professional help to break the horrible sociopathic cycle, they actually view it as empowering and with a badge of honor and will continue to leave a wake of broken hearts in their paths. Once you recognize a DA, just walk away...it's much less traumatic and dramatic.

So you want to die alone. Got it.

What happened? I know the pain

Don't ever speak to him again. I just had a very similar relationship, also 3 months. It ended last week and I started no contact today. It is ridiculous to behave that way. My person just tore me up and it has been a nightmare. No one should have to live like that with so much worry. I have no sympathy for DAs. My sister is also one and she is a nightmare.

He probably cares about you and thinks you're a good candidate for a relationship, but doesn't want to tell you that he's not looking for commitment right now. He wants to have sex and date people but doesn't have the balls to tell you that up front, knowing it would scare you away. He likes you so he wants to get to know you, he doesn't want it to just end but he also won't commit to anything permanent. This may just be a male thing or a product of his place in life at this time

How are you now ? Have you healed ?

@@peachpotter hi there! I ended up finding a wonderful guy earlier this year. He's VERY secure. He is so kind and patient with me when my insecure attachment style is triggered. He's present, emotionally intelligent, thoughtful, super sweet... The list goes on. I don't care for the avoidant anymore but I definitely notice my own sabotaging/distancing behaviours to try to keep myself safe because of last conditioning from my past relationships. So I guess my answer is... I'm over the avoidant. But I'm healing my own attachment style everyday. If you're dealing with the pain from an avoidant... I promise you that cutting him off and walking away was the best decision I could have ever made and I'm very happy with a healthy partner. It may hurt now for you.... But there is so much better out there. Do not settle for someone who is at war with themselves.

I think that's unfair because if there is self awareness; anything is possible

@@jazmineramay4292 that's kind of the point....DA's are incapable (or refuse to acknowledge the benefits) of self-reflection and self-awareness. Consequently, there will likely never be any significant improvements, and the DA's partner stays miserable, hoping for some miraculous change in them that will in all likelihood never occur.

@@jazmineramay4292 OH SHUT UP!

Dealing with a da was one of thee worst experiences I've encountered, I'm anxious and have my issues thar I'm working on, but I will never go back, I'm healing to attract a secure attatchment style

​@jazmineramay4292 Negative. The risk point is too high and if it was going to happen they would have worked through it earlier in thier dating life. People and creators need to stop referring to DAs as scared cats wanting to hide under the bed. They are emotionally vapid, destructive AF individuals that can damage almost on the level of narcs. You wouldn't go pet a snarling snapping 150lb dog and say " oh, but it is self aware and can see I won't hurt it." No, is sad that dog was abused but it's a dog that will bite the crap out of you and likely tear a few tendons in the process. Leave it alone. DAs should be regarded at the emotional danger level of the rabid dogs they are and left alone to let the disease take them without infecting anyone else.

date somoene who care as much as you do!YOU DESERVE BETTER!

Wow...that's insane...terrible behaviour on her part really

I’m sorry this happened in your relationship. It’s hard to say not knowing in the ins and outs of your dynamic. But theres not much you can do if she’s choosing not to communicate with you.

@@KatyaMorozova so i shouldn't even bother to try and send her another follow request or a DM?

Updates,?

@@silviam.9224 none

Trust me. It's a 50/50 even if they are reaching out. My ex FA reached out to me and i texted back to strong with "Hey it was good to see you in person after this long time". She lashed out

@@JupiterWaltz Wow. How long did it take for your ex to reach out? Did they initiate to meet up? All of this NC on an avoidant is confusing to me. So tiring, don't know what they want.

@@jtothec1234 Like 3 months but we bumped into each other one day. I reached out only one time after 3 weeks because i knew from her best friend that she was feeling very bad about how the thing ended. Furthermore from the fact she lashed out, i think i was too strong on the answer. I think she just wanted to test the waters. From her following text she told me litterally to put all of this behind and to find someone that can reciprocate my attentions. Now i'm going back NC indefinitely. Not watching her IG story like i did for 3 months. Btw in those 3 months i had a couple of dates with other two girls but they went bad. Remember IF they put the work on themselves during this period of NC and "changed" you can try to rekindle. If you see they are still the same, like mine is. It's not worth.

​@@JupiterWaltzWow!

Andrea, how did this end for you? I have the exact same thing happening to me now

This is fearful attachment not dismissive avoidant

@@silverscreamqueen I think I have a combination of healthy and anxious. I was also raised in a very compassionate ethical animal rights household where we were taught to have a lot of compassion for underdogs or those who were hurting and I suspect that's transferred onto humans who take more than they give. Or maybe being the one focused on feels vulnerable to me. Regardless, I'm absolutely communicating upfront my needs and expectations to potential lovers now and also trying to find unselfish people who actually can sometimes focus on me.

Hello I'm so excited my broken 💔💔 relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we leaving and happily together, I got help from a great man he's real and specific 💯

M e s s a g e h i m f o r h e l p o n w h a tsapp...☝️☝️

sdate somoene who match your energy buddy...it hard but date somoene who will love you no matter what! you will find somoene she/he is no the only human in the world,grieve first ,heal and move o i'm in the same situation and it only have been 1 week ,it sucks,i cry everytime i think about him then i remeber how much effort i put in him and how much it will feel sooo great to date a guy who love me without fearing of ghosting me amazing and so sexy,don't worry,you will attract the one you want ;)!

You’re welcome!

Good for you!

Or, you could be upfront with the person and not lead them on and get them invested only to discard them later like they meant nothing. Just a thought. Stop trying to force relationships because you're selfish and can't deal with your own bullshit.

@@ragingphoinix9144 or you can shut up, stop whining, and get a life and maybe someone will be able to stomach you long enough to have a quality relationship. You should stop trolling KZfaq making ASSumptions about individuals you know absolutely NOTHING about and deal with your own bull shit to change that sorry excuse of an existence you call a life. Just a thought. 🤷🏿‍♂️

Thank God I haven’t met you.

@@TheLadyIzabela feelings mutual

@@sifublack192you do know that actually being dismissive to the people that love you is abuse. Maybe you are not fully avoidant, but if you are, you should really get therapy.

Update?

I think it’s very difficult to do no contact when you’re living under the same roof. Trying to do no contact I imagine would be really stressful in a situation such as yours. It sounds like you’re doing the best you can in a complex situation.

This is an older reply, maybe you’ll see it! I’m in a similar position. My DA broke up with me 3 days ago. I was in disbelief. Since then, we have avoided each other but it is very hard. He’s had small talk with me this morning but, ugh…it’s rough.

Are you seriously attempting No Contact when you live with someone??? LOLOL...that just sounds like avoidance and totally different than the entire premise behind No Contact. You shouldn't be seeing or communicating with them AT ALL.

Month 4 and I pray I continue to move on from him (my DA ex). I agree that 4 to 6 months is normal for them

@@oairhiav 4-6 months as in starting to miss you/process the break up?

@@DR-fd6vu I think “feel their feelings” and decide what they want to do. Typing this angers me since it aligns with how I felt in my relationship with my DA. Their feelings and needs are priority and mine are not. Seeing that others have had the same experience is validating so I know it’s not about me. I deserve the type of love and care I give.

she’s not interested . move on .. save yourself

Did it work?

As you should

And you don't reach out because you think we wouldn't want to hear from you?

Do you ever reach out and apologize?

Good!! Change your ways before it's too late. 💀

I am glad to see that you are aware about your feelings. It starts from awareness. We understand that you have been taught those ways or have adapted these to cope hurtful events in your childhood, but please work on yourself and become secure and help avoid trauma.

make sure the kids are yours. these are signs of a cheater.

You took girl after 3 divorces... You should at least THINK.