This video literally made me cry. I thought I was crazy because I have often felt like I was an outsider who was watching my life on a video. I would also sit in front of the mirror and not recognize the person in the mirror was me.

This is one of those things where you go "Oh, that's what that feeling is."

Does anyone else suffer from depersonalization? I can't maintain any relationships with others because I don't feel authentic or connected to my own self. I push anyone and everyone away. Can anyone relate?

I suffer from depersonalization/derealization disorder, and I can tell you this. it sucks. I sometimes go through days to weeks on end without feeling anything, just staring into space, and having to have EVERYONE talk super slowly so I can hear and understand them. when I snap out of my moments, I feel it all at once, and I might cry for hours on end

Sometimes I have moments where I feel like I’m out of my body and nothing is real. I just keep thinking about how I got here and what we’re doing in these bodies. How did I even get in this body? It feels extremely weird but calming. It’s like I’m looking at myself from above?? It confuses me because I physically feel out of my body. It tends to happen to me more when I’m alone or in crowded places, especially when I’m sleepy. I just feel numb and tired.

As someone with a dissociative disorder that has made my life anywhere from obnoxious to funny to heartbreaking, thank you for the representation! These videos deserve waaaaaay more recognition.

I’m 17, turning 18 next month, and I’m currently going through a possible D.I.D. diagnosis. It starts to explain a lot, especially when it comes to the fact I remember almost nothing about my whole middle school life as well as sophomore year of high school. I know usually it’s boring but I remember practically nothing. Through the rest of my high school life and after my graduation there have been moments where the urge to be someone else became strong and I’d often ‘pass out’ and ‘wake up’ without remembering anything or in somewhere different. I often get told how I act differently sometimes and bring up something that I don’t remember doing. I feel like I’m lying to everyone because sometimes I know and sometimes I don’t, even though I’m often not around anyone. My therapist is really kind and understanding, and I consider myself lucky to have a good therapist. He insists that it’s ok to feel bad but that he knows I’m not trying to fake it. That makes me feel more comfortable [EDIT: We tried but I’m actually moving away from a DID diagnosis, although it explained a lot it didn’t quite fit me! It possible that this urge for differing personalities actually stems a lot from not just my autism, but a possible mood disorder! While it’s still obvious that I suffer a lot from dissociative issues, it’s not DID! However that time I spent undergoing the process of that diagnosis taught me a lot, and I hope to find the right diagnosis for me!)

1. The “Covert” DID is actually OSDD. People with DID can be covert while having alters, in fact most are. 2. Switches to other alters can last for days, months or years. 3. Integration is not the only therapy. Communication is also a type of therapy.

I constantly feel like I'm not actually where I am.

I’ve been trying to figure myself out for 20+ years. Never knew how to explain it. Never felt right telling anyone. Never thought that all the puzzle pieces were to the same picture. When I finally stumbled upon this video, I never became so still, literally taking my breath away, time stopping, mind focused, but most of all, eyes watering as tears ran down my face. This video isn’t just a great collaboration of information for people to cope with or students to learn from. This video gave me all the answers I’ve been searching for my entire life, and even better, knowing what it all is means I can now finally find ways to help myself instead of losing my mind in the abyss. Thank you so much for making this video, so so much ❤️❤️❤️

For anyone wondering, in my experience dissociation feels like you’re in a movie theatre and what you’re watching is your field of vision. You know what’s happening but you feel safe in this “theatre” to me at least.

Wow... I've never known how to describe the constant disconnection from myself and my memories, the feeling that love and relationships are out of reach, the feeling that connecting with people is an impossible process. It's comforting to know there are others out there and I've found a way to verbalise my experiences.

may 🧚‍♀️God bless the soul who is suffering and so you find your home soon, may you find your happiness you've been seeking finds you sooner

I always thought I was just tired lmao

Ok does anyone else keep like judging themselves or keep thinking about every thought or action you do?? It’s overwhelming. Everything I do I re-think & think about if it was ok or right or good or bad and it is exhausting. I can’t stop thinking & judging my own actions and thoughts 😭.

coming from someone who is questioning if they might have did due to having many symptoms (dissociation, trauma, not feeling real, forgetting, ect.) I don't want to self diagnose cuz I am not a doctor, so videos like this help me be more educated and help learn more before going to therapy to see if I can get diagnosed so really thank you so much for making this!

I remember trying to explain to doctors many, many times about feeling like I was living in a movie, or the sudden realization that I am here, in my body, like watching a movie from the inside out. They all treated me like I was nuts and said I just had anxiety. FF 2 years later when I was diagnosed with PTSD and dissociative disorder. I cried when someone finally said she thought she knew what was going on and started asking me all questions no one asked me before and it was to the T what I was experiencing. Did some therapy with her and it helped immensely. Unfortunately she left that clinic and no other dr has been able to understand.

lovely video. you guys are changing the way medical students learn. keep it up. keep it free. Thanks loads

Just got diagnosed with this, and I had no clue what it was. When I watched this video, it described everything I’ve been feeling for years. 😭

I was diagnosed with DID (I had all 3 of these dissociative "disorders") in 2003. After many years of education and research (mostly about myself and my experiences) and intense trauma treatment, I have integrated. It's taken about 19 years to become fully whole. This is an informative and helpful video. However, it is my perspective that these dissociative experiences are understandable reactions to the trauma we experience and not a disorder at all. I recognize that people relate to this language, but there are other ways to see ourselves, if identifying as disordered and pathological does not feel good to you. Also, there are treatment modalities that are quite popular that focus solely on alter work, which only fragments people more. I realize that many people do not want to integrate and that is fine for them, but that is what saved my life.

Can you speak on dissociation in a person with borderline personality disorder? How it is similar/differs to others mentioned here (schizophrenia, bipolar)

Thank you SO MUCH for making this video! I am 67 and finally admitting to myself that I have this disorder and getting treatment for it. This video breaks this disorder down in easy to understand parts but is at the same time is a full and serious description of it. Thanks also to the people who also have this disorder and shared their experience with it in the comments below.

_Here's my experience of Diassociation:_ I started disassociating myself one time I tried removing a bad memory, I always play the bad memory for the whole day and didnt knew it was possible, so I went to sleep and said to myself that it will go away tomorrow, once in a while after every action I did, the memory plays in the back of my mind, it had been like that for just a couple of days so I thought it will go away eventually and hell no it did not, often times if I would recall the memory I feel annoyed and angry and sad and on the verge of crying, I was terrified that the memory will haunt me for years like those you see in movies(for some reason), It felt horrible and depressing. Its like my mind has taken control of my thoughts and it has the power to manipulate my brain and recall the memory even though i havent commanded myself to. I had lost myself, I was not in control of my thoughts and in classrooms it felt like Im just living in a simulation of some kind. It had been like that for a month! Luckily I found an article about my situation and thank god i snapped out of it. I dont want to experience it ever again ever. Im mentally healthy now and I hope you are in a healthy mental state too💓

I new a italian friend who had D.I.D. He sadly passed by his hand, but his work and illustrations about music, will live on.

I'll say it was good, a great explaination. One thing I personally find an issue with... Treatment for DID. As someone with DID and have been pursuing a psychology degree, I find that integration is not necessary. I function quiet well without integration. Personally, I believe that once a person can define who they are individually, and learn to Accept Themselves, then learning to accept and understand each of their alters, Communication and connection within their system is the true goal of treatment. Integration, should not be pushed. Being DID, having full Communication and connection between all of my alters, understanding and acceptance has turned my life around completely. I Can be more than one person, I have already proved that because of having DID. Having the connection and Communication I have, also proves to me that integration is not necessarily needed. If it were to happen I accept it, however as I am co-conscious and have control now, being multiple isn't scary or a bad thing. Different, yes, but Everyone is different and if everyone can be different, I can be different in my own way. DID to me is not a disorder anymore. We have order amongst us, it is what I call a Survival Mechanism. To survive the traumas I have experienced, they Needed to become. We are humans, beings of intelligence and have the ability to create. DID is a direct link to Creation. The alters that where created in my system have proven to be very helpful now that we are all on the same page. Having the ability to see from another perspective due to my alters having their own beliefs, opinions and personalities, has proven to me to be an Awakening of sorts. I can now be logical and reasonable with my decisions. I am able to be discerning rather than judgemental. I can sympathize with others even when I do not agree with their actions or reactions. Understanding and Accepting my alters have given me a wisdom not many my age have. I myself plan to do my own research after earning my degree in psychology, to better understand other systems and help people with DID change what is currently unrealistic expectations of treatment, and give them a better direction in being whole and multiple at the same time. If I can do it, so can they.

In my search for how EMDR therapy works, I was caught off guard by a simple statement. That statement was "If you have had or have dissociation disorder, it must be dealt with before continuing with EMDR treatment. Your video has helped me understand and relate it's content "in a generalized fashion" for me to better define and understand myself and needs. Thank you.

Hey! I'm a teen and struggling with derealization. The first time I experienced it was back in October 2019. I still remember the time it started because it was such a major change in my daily life. About 2 weeks ago it finally stopped and I felt so relieved, happy and full of energy. For only one day. It was disappointing, but now it's even worse. Five days ago it suddenly got more intense and it just won't go away. I tried explaining it to my parents and after a lot of failed attempts my mom said she would look into it and maybe take me to a psychologist. I really want to snap out of this dream like state.

Finding this video allows me to realize that I may have Dissociative Amnesia, which would explain the 4 year gap in my memory surrounding my trauma. Glad to see a better explanation to this

Dude I feel disconnected all the time lmao

I just need a Hard reset on my life 😫

In Germany there is also "dissociative sensational disorder" as a forth category of dissociative disorder, refering specifically to people with psychosomatic symptoms like losing (partly or completely) the ability to smell, hear, see, taste and/or feel sensations

Feels like one long daydream I feel like I been daydreaming my whole life

it’s all adding up now 🤒 the human brain really needs to chill

When you go in your closet and wonder why you have clothes in there that are totally not something you would ever wear, you know then you have a problem.

I have sooooooo many questions about D.I.D anyone with it want to chat, i’m coming from a place of fascination and respect and genuine awe at how clever and beautiful your brain is to do this

I've often struggled with feeling like an outsider in my own body just watching life play out. Even the feeling of moving fast and slow at the same time, it's hard to explain how time feels when I'm like this but I feel like this video gave me some answers.

As a person with C/PTSD I dissociate a lot and I 2 system friends with D.I.D as well it's harder than you think

I find this subject incredibly triggering, but I need to understand what is happening to me. Your voice and non-judgemental approach made it easier to handle. Thank you.

i’ve always tried explaining how i felt but the way you explained depersonalization in this hit the nail on the head

I just found out that my father has this disorder I though he was hating me, poor dad never though of how bad his childhood was.

I'm crying because In reading so many of your stories, I have found that I am not alone!

I have overt dissociative identity disorder and this video was really great for me to show to friends and family to help explain it to them! Thanks for making this video!

Oh...This helps a lot on how to explain how I feel. I usually feel disconnected for things, people, and myself. I have a really hard time remember my past, childhood and teens. And I feel like I have multiple people living inside me. I've had a rough start up, but the feelings started about 2yrs ago. Then my grandma dies, it worsens, and not even a year after her, my uncle died a week ago and I feel like it's at the worse. I got confused on who my parents were twice and I still can't recognize myself in a mirror. I thought it was just anxiety and depression, but I've felt like this for awhile now. I am so thankful I found this, it helps on how I feel and how I can explain to those who don't understand it.

Dit is meer herkenbaar voor mij. Ik had bijna de diagnose autisme gekregen. Twee zware trauma's opgelopen in mijn leven. Een als kind en een op de leeftijd van 50 jaar en niet kunnen herstellen hiervan. Thank you.

This is a great video with a wonderfully brief, accurate, and understandable explanation. It's been desperately needed to demystify and destigmatize this condition.

I AM SOOOOOOOOOO THANKFUL for this video, I literally grew up, since I was like 8, understanding my problems as a "mind-body division" where my body was on auto polite and it felt like constant torture to just watch it do actions, both harmful and minor, that drove me to develop even worse internal issues. This was beautifully animated and thank you for clarifying the difference between how people with BPD and anxiety experience this differently from people with dissociative disorders. For clarification, I recently got classified as having a high possibility of having this especially when my own explanation of my experiences matched the standard understanding of it, by two separate counsellors. And I'm now gonna meet with a psychiatrist for an official diagnosis. I'm just so happy this video exists cause I often presumed it was Schizophrenia that was affecting me but the way those were explained never really matched as much as this.

In my counseling sessions we have discovered over 40 different identies.

Thank you for the video. I suffer from this disorder as well. It's painful to go through life and the shame caused by dissociation. THERE is treatment! I remember as a child/kid I was left alone for a long period of time. I was scared and couldn’t sleep.. the only way to cope was to dissociate and check out. No one to talk to, as my mother did not care about her children and their wellbeing. The more you talk about it you become more conscious. It’s a life long journey and very painful one but It’s manageable. I have good days and bad ones but I don’t give up. God bless you all.

I have always struggled with feelings of slight dissociation, even as a kid, constantly daydreaming. As I got older and into my late teens I started messing around with psychedelics such as marijuana, psilocybin magic mushrooms and eventually LSD. I became really disconnected from my sense of reality and the world after LSD. It definitely broadened my perception of EVERYTHING, and made me EXTREMELY self aware. It made me think way to much and I honestly regret it every day. But at one point I started to feel crazy in my head. I thought I lost myself and my mind. It was extremely scary and confusing. It caused me to be extremely depressed. I hit a point where I couldn’t live like this and I strived to be and get better. I got better with a lot of hard work and self education, reassurance and of course time. I occasionally still dissociate but its not as bad, I also continue to occasionally smoke marijuana for medical reasons but I keep it minimal. Id probably see a decline in my dissociation if I stopped using marijuana all together though... Anyways, Its really interesting and good knowing other people deal with this. I remember feeling so alone. Hang in there if you’re in a bad spot. It will get better.

so happy I found this video, I was never sure how to describe to people what I experience but this is perfect, I can get help now

Kia ora, as someone who does suffer from dissociative amnesia and derealization/depersonalization disorder I'd just like to say you did an amazing job explaining and portraying this!! Keep up the amazing mahi ♥️.

Thank you so much for sharing this, much appreciated. I can be more understanding of those I love & be more at ease with what is happening.

Continuous dissociative amnesia fits well with me I find it difficult taking in information and holding it ...I have to relearn it's frustrating. I have problems with free recall. I forget what I've just done .... everything is like slight of hand it's there one minute gone the next. I think dissociation/emotional numbing make it difficult to lay down new information as we associate emotional experience with our ability to process and store information...hence the term you have to have a feel for learning something knew. Dissociation acts like a filter to the world ...blocks experience...

7:40 - Integration is one of the options for treatment however cooperation is another and often the main focus.

Honestly, that was really detailed and explained a lot. thank you so much

Trauma - Yeah, I once got so much trauma when I was 10 and I was drowning and screaming for help but can't since my mouth is in water. I did not have any swimming experience at all so I did not know what to do. Basically, the currents dragged me away to the point where I can't swim and water is filling my mouth... A man saw me and saved me.. and I went home on a bus, puking... But thank gosh, a couple saw me about to puke and gave me a bag.. I learned so much that Humanity can also be kind. But after that experience, I got thalassophobia. Very cool I guess.. Suicide Attempts - I once did an attempt of Suicide... (don't do this) but I grabbed a knife while crying and I wanted to end my FREAKING LIFE.. Good thing my grandmother saw me before I can do it... I might do it in the future again since I've been feeling abused lately.. or it might just be depression, who knows? Forgetting/Memory Loss - When my family orders me to get something, I tend to forget it. I'm pretty sure this is common so I don't really bother. I also fell down the stairs and hit my head and felt nothing which is strange, but I'm pretty sure that's nothing. Not Feeling Real - I tend to get ignored a lot.. LIKE... A LOT.. I would say something and no one would respond which is sad.. My 4 year old friendship was torn into pieces just from her treating me like I don't exist.. Not answering calls, Leaving me on read and lies to my friends that she "Doesn't know what to say" but she never told me that. ONLY TO HER FRIENDS, I spoke to her friends and that's how I found out. Or maybe just a coincidence, who knows? Dissociation - And as to the "Not Feeling like I exist" scenario, I also Dissociate which is weird.. When I was 6, I often get lost and I started crying since I don't know where my mom was.. A police guard found me and my brother crying at a part of a BIG BIG BIG MALL. Like, not you're regular day grocery store. Like, one of the biggest malls in Asia. SM Megamall in Philippines and thank god my aunt for me and my brother and was safe. Okay, and these ones happened to me a lot.. LIKE, LOT LOT. I forget what I have said which is also very normal I'm pretty sure.. right? In all seriousness, It's probably just anxiety. Who knows? And I also tend to hallucinate which is also normal for some. There was this one time where I thought my mom and brother was home and told my friend through text that they're back. I excitedly went downstairs to see no one but the dogs in the house.. No one was there.. and the car disappeared.. but weirdly though, my text wasn't a hallucination.. and I told my friend again that I must have been hallucinating and kept talking about other stuff. (And this happened when I was alone in the dark and was scared since I get praranoid being alone in the dark) These just might be depression, who knows?

Cool video, it reminded me of some bad stuff though. For long years, I couldn’t remember my first years at primary school. At all. Now I just... don’t wanna think about it. Even now, I often experience depersonalization/derealization, but I guess that’s the result of my lonely, boring lifestyle...

as a person with dpdr these kinds of videos are Super interesting, thank you so much for making them!

This was good, although the goal of therapy for DID isn't always to make the alters become one person. In fact, a lot of people with DID are against the idea as it would be like dying/losing all you friends and they understandably don't always want that. Some do, but a lot don't.

We've had DID/OSDD since our childhood, understanding the behaviour and the mechanisms of this disorder has enlightened our mind making it way easier to cope with the symptoms described. Nowadays we are all in Therapy on a long journey to communicate better, enhancing our ability to co-operate in the Outside world. - Gregorio

Ive been suffering with this for over 4 years almost everyday of my life & i wouldn’t wish this on anybody.

Thank you so much for this! I think that Dissociative Disorders (DID especially) have been stereotyped a lot in today's world, and this really helped with my overall understanding of Dissociative Disorders. Thank you for your helpful, well-versed explanations on the subject!

I definitely learned something new from watching this video. Thank you for spreading this information.

One of the best informational videos that I had seen about mental illness.

i feel like i’m not in my body and watching from above, but only when i’m high💀

I have 3 personalities: the one that drives the vehicle that is my body & has to face the "real" world, one that takes/took abuse, & a nameless dog that would be your best friend if you could get close enough for her to trust you. I've been living as more than one person since I was a teen & hiding them is difficult. It's like trying to keep a classroom in my head full of unruly kids quite.

This clip is really clear! so glad I found it. I have forwarded the clip on for people to become more aware of it, Thank you x

For so long ive wondered whats wrong with me and why am i like this. I knew how i thought was so different. You have helped me understand. Thank you

Not a person with DID, but speaking on behalf of friends and things I’ve heard from a therapist on KZfaq. Many systems (collective of alters in DID) don’t want integration, they can function much like a family and don’t want to lose that

OSDD-1b. It’s not always fun but we learn to live with it! -The Saturn System

This made me cry, depersonalisation/derealisation is hell. God, the other disorders sound absolutely torturing. Whoever experiences them, you are so strong and inspirational!

Excellent! Very informative. I work with victims of crime and this has really helped me understand one of my clients

Amazing video👍👍 I like your voice sara. It's easy to understand. I hope to listen to you in many videos.

Well I’ve been diagnosed. Thank you doctor.

Thank you so much for bringing me this much clarity about this mental health disorder! It really helped me better understand what my sister was going through, even though she's now unfortunately deceased. What you described about DID sounded a lot like what she had been going through for years, and it really put a rift in our relationship together as siblings because she had hurt me badly one summer and had no recollection of even hurting me, saying someone else (one of her alters) was in her body at the time it happened. Our abusive mother never bothered to provide my late sister with the proper mental healthcare she really needed, and both my sister and I were badly neglected and abused in our adolescent years. Even though I myself realized and decided I needed to remove myself from that abusive environment, my sister did not have that same clarity as I did, and sadly lost her life as a result. I did get my closure only recently, but to bring me back to my point, once again, thank you so much for your elucidations!

today my best friend opened up to me about some feelings that really bother her all the time, and she's really struggling. I thought it was some sort of dissociative disorder, and now I'm sure. I'm crying right now. I'm so thankful for this video. I'll do my best.

nice presentation ...it was very useful

I've had this once when I had a drug addiction to heroin and methamphetamine. When I was up for 3 days, the opioid use made me completely black out. I was walking, not remembering who I was, where I lived, where I was born, what my race, age, and name was. I was still able to speak coherently. It was in the middle of downtown Atlanta. I remember walking and these "nice" gentleman gave me a jacket. I foolishly gave them my wallet to take a look at for some strange reason. I ended up losing all my credit and debit cards and got my phone stolen when I started regaining my memory. Fortunately(or unfortunately) all my cards were maxed out and couldn't be used. That past is behind me now, but I still have to fight it from time to time.

I've always found your videos extremely helpful. As one of the resources I use, your videos are pretty succinct and usually gives me information in a more practical way. I find that I am often able to better understand other sources after having first viewed yours.

4 hours of lecture and I unterstood it with your 10 minute video. MAJOR THANKS 👌🏼

Thank you Sarah!

I feel this all the time but I’m not gonna say I have it cause I haven’t been diagnosed with it. But I’m not sure if I have it

This was a very good explanation and representation of this disorder.

It's great that you've represented all ideas by pictures and schemes. They make everything clear

I remember when I was younger, I had a strange feeling a few times where I had control over myself but in a very weird way. I felt like I was watching a movie of myself, even though all the things I did, I did mean it. If I remember correctly, I think it usually happened when I started to look at computer screen and when I was tired, so mostly in the evening. I remember I used to describe it as "being drunk", even though I did not drink any alcohol. I also remember this happening to my sister because she described it similarly. This might as well have happened when a lot of people were talking around me. Nowdays it pretty much never happens, although I think the last time It did, It was at a party (Loud music, people talking loudly around me, dark, dynamic lights). Could this be a sign of the first type of disorder mentioned in this video or is it just a normal thing?

i love ur videos so so so much ... thank u all ..

I’m 30 and just being diagnosed in the last 2 months I’m watching this to try and better my self and how I feel and act I have severe DID one of my personality is very aggressive and angry and frankly quiet scary Iv been using a antipsychotic medication and receiving therapy and I can promise anyone going through a hard time understanding there alter moods and egos there’s light at the end 🥰 as much as we might not always feel it we are deeply loved and needed in this worlds suicid doesn’t cure the pain it just moves it to someone ells I speak first hand of the attempts and just that alone has broke so many family members, please seek help no matter how silly you THINK you might sound mental health Is scary but your loved 🥰

THIS IS VERY HELPFUL, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Yep, I need to go get checked out

Thank you so much. This will turn my life around, being a kid who doesn't really understand how to explain my disorder, I can actually watch this video and show it to a psychiatrist. I think I have dissociative amnesia, plus depersonalization disorder. :)

Sometimes when I stand up, walk, and do other things I feel like I’m in a dream. Its very weird but also calming. I don’t know how to say this but it is a really weird feeling. I had several panic attacks when i was 4-8. I also have a trauma from my childhood when I was four.

Thank you so much ! Your videos always help me in understanding the subject .

Ive been really struggling with derealization and amnesia lately. It's definitely because I reached out to my mother for the first time in four years. I spend whole days out of myself and I'm forgetting so much. I'm so angry because I spent so long drudging everything up and dealing with all the trauma, now it's trying to pull me back in and all I can do is watch myself fall.

Very good video (and I have no issues with the narrator’s voice). I was a little confused at the 10 minute mark with the explanation of the differentials between the disorders. Your explanation of the difference between anxiety disorder and DID and then the difference between bipolar/schizophrenia and DID Seems to contradict. Can you explain better? Are you saying anxiety is a condition that only lasts minutes to hours -cause that’s not right.

Very helpful. As an actor who has to play a character with DID, this is very useful to figure out how to play the part!

You did a great job explaining!

I'm honestly just curious how many people have this

You have no idea how happy I am to find out that there are other people like me, struggling with the same stuff. I thought I was going insane, and that noone else understood me. Thank you so much for this video, it helped me a lot.

Thank you, that really clears a lot of things up. I'm still confused though, can DID come without trama?

I felt less dissociative about the dissociative disorder now. Thanks a lot!🤩