So refreshing to hear someone who also looks for people who are genuinely kind as opposed to superficially "nice" and who are also fun. This is just the comboninlook for in relationships.

what? just be actually interested in someone else other than yourself? what a radical idea.

Love what you share, Daniel. Thank you for the warm-hearted videos

There are friends in the outside world and there are the friends we make on youtube, where we are freer to communicate from the deeper parts of ourselves and find those who like to do the same... Thank you for your vulnerability and openness in sharing so many of your thoughts and experiences Daniel, I have been bingewatching your videos recently, its so comforting to find others who also prioritise healing 🙏

Love that you have high standards and moral compass

Most people want to be friends with rich people who are superficial and have hundreds of followers on instagram, or “cool” people who have bad habits like them. I would like a friend to discuss deep subjects with, who also knows how to laugh at small things and the absurdity of life. Someone transparent and genuine, humble, and wise.

We're so much alike. I definitely love being around people who like to laugh. 😁

I'm regularly curious about people... and when I feel such curiosity, I recall a few bad experiences to which it had led me... The possibility of being seen as prying, and putting my nose where it's not welcome, feels me with dread. Protecting the dignity of both others and myself is just as a thing to be valued as the possibility of friendship.

Great tips. I think, for me, I'm happiest when I can escape being around others. I enjoy being alone, and find that many of those I feel the greatest connection with are writers and film makers, many of whom are long dead. (Aren't the arts great?) That I consider Bruno Schulz and Isaac Babel to be my friends is, in the minds of some, maladjusted, but I suggest such people aren't serious readers, for reading great work is to partake of great minds; it's powerfully intimate and liberating. Solitude and books allow me to be a better person to the living.

Love you, Daniel! Bertrand Russell wrote a tract on so-called "Nice People". Be my friend, Daniel! Though in a way, you're my brother.😊

I accept people being different and don’t need them to be completely the same as me - but I can’t accept a person who is manipulative in any way intentionally or not. And that’s a lot of people, I worry I’m being too harsh! How do you deal with these people as friends and should you? They’re not always terrible people and can have a lot of good parts.

Thank you, Daniel! I simply love your videos, they are so inspiring!

3:19 Dude that is very much me. When you think freely, you realize that most 'society think' is really pretty harmful and emotionally reactive. So yeah same. I don't have many good friends, mostly because I am not a group thinker.

Your tips and information are always so good. Love when you make videos.

Honestly, I agree with so many things you say/believe. Your videos helped and still help me so much.

Now I get it, if the other person is open to being friends with you too - that's how you make it - by asking sincere quoestions and listening - it works bc it's a sign of curiosity, acceptance and openness and that's how you get to know each other.

I know this is obvious, but I too love people who are fun and adventurous - people who have a sense of humor. Most people bore me to death, including my own parents. Drives me nuts when people have no humor or anything, just small talk constantly.

I had a lot of friends in college but once you start working, how do you make new friends other than with people in the work place ( which is not for me as most of the conversation is gossiping about coworkers which im not interested in). I've found more interesting people on YT that share my values, and you're one of them Daniel. I appreciate your honesty.

New fan and subscriber after watching this video. This video should have 3,000,000 views.

So true, some real beautiful pictures Mr Mackler

Thank you Daniel for this insightful and honest guide! We are all so disconnected from one another it is sad how a lot of us don't even know how to make friends.

Keep being yourself Daniel, l find you, on the whole, likeable.

Wow. I’ve been going about friendship all wrong. I thought I was the performer, the one to make everyone laugh, and then people would like me.

Thanks for sharing Daniel. I went through difficult times in the past few years in college. I was already struggling at the beginning because of familial problems, and that narcissistic girl made my life even poorer and more miserable. It turned out that I went into the relationship with the problems I have had with my mother, and things got really paralyzing when I try to understanding problems and myself deeper, and at the same time needing to deal with her overwhelming demands and disagreeable attitudes. My original ways to see friendships and values have been forgotten because of her, and I have forgotten that I actually have a position to think about the friends which I want to have and to select them according to my needs. Perhaps I was stuck in a pessimistic and helpless condition for too long. Yes, good values, kind, fun to hang around, curious about other people, honest and polite, etc, these are certainly good characteristics. And perhaps everyone respect and kind of like these kind of people, no matter what they have been through or how comparatively inadequate they current are. Thank you so much for sharing.

Thank you for these insights.

Not to disagree with your advice, which is a very healthy way to consider relationships, but I have a few comments. I find that the practical problem is meeting the kind people to listen to. In my experience, there just aren't many. There is a general culture in Western societies for superficial relationships based on objectifying people. Not literally everyone, but practically everyone treats other people as disposable entertainment and distraction. Hard to say whether it's the cause or effect, but it is like social media has taken over the real world. Finding a good connection isn't like finding gold, finding anyone who is even relatively open and self-aware is like finding gold. So many times, you (I'm speaking generally here) can talk and listen to someone and if you threaten their bubble universe in even the slightest way you immediately become like an unperson to them. I'm all for giving people your whole attention and being present with them, but if it's not reciprocated then this seems like you're not respecting yourself either. This isn't a conversation or any kind of relationship or friendship, because when you give your attention to people like this, it's valueless to them, and they're using you. You're not really listening to them, you're affirming them and their worldview. We should all pay attention, really listen to other people, as human beings with innate value and inherent worth as a human being. Maybe it depends on geography, and people are healthier in other places. But I have to say, I meet very few of these decent people who are open and self-aware.

I agree finding a genuine kindred spirit is rare. But that’s ok 😊

This is a hard one. I think I'm good at listening and being genuenly interested in people's lives, but if I strongly disagree in a way that is important to me I will not make much effort to meet again. The friend I love the most is very quiet and shy. She won't share too much. I hate her taste in movies and music, but we share some common values and that's it. I feel close and free with her. But it's just her. :/

The problem I have found is that when I'm not interested in understanding myself, I'm not interested in understanding others. I don't wanna be doing the "pretend to be interested in others" thing which is just a manipulation so they'll be interested in you. That's just as harmful to yourself as doing things for attention like wearing flashy clothing or driving a flashy car. It's all attention grabbing and no attention giving. You know you're actually interested in a person when you're wanting to know things about them without any expectation of reciprocity.

Etymological meaning of nice is stupid.

Kind people trigger the kindness in me, too.

If I get too questionable they start to think I'm nosey

So who wants to be friends?

Hey Daniel, have you heard of an MBTI? You sound like an INFJ big time. INFJs are great listeners, can't openly share their view as it's deep and not conventional so it might offend others, they are introverts, highly empathetic, self-therapists etc. I'm an INFJ myself as I recently realized and this knowledge literally changed my life, everything makes sense now. :)

Insightful thanks

I just discovered your Chanel. It is so refreshing honest and inspiering. Have you ever been in Norway? 🇳🇴😊

Love your videos 💗

Craig and Kyong were thinking of you and send their love.

Will you come to see Berlin one day? I will love meet you...i watch you for a long time and agree in so many ways. we share values and im an empathetic liestener. Greets!

❤

I’d like to be your friend. If you came to Dublin I’d love to meet you. We would talk for ten hours about life.

I wish I had friends as individual as anybody else As a child, I wished that I would become special - got schizophrenia ;D Damn, I should be careful what i wish for

Good listening

Also a question what draws the line between a kind person (genuine), and a nice person (fake)?

Tolerance and intellectual cowardice are kissing cousins, the world is in moral decline because people are reflexively tolerant of bad ideas. That's my opinion at least

As good as these advises are, they don't work for everybody. For people like me they don't, for example. I would listen to people and be interested in them all the time, but on the other hand I am not fun and I'm not interesting. I'm also very ashamed of the way I am, I had mostly negative experience and almost no positive one with people. People don't like people like me, with my lifestyle etc. Knowing that, I can't open up about my life. So since it can't be just about me listening all the time people lose interest as soon as they find out I have nothing else to offer them. I also look lifeless and act like a robot or a living corpse because of my trauma. They always point that out and before finding out what's wrong with me I didn't even know about it and it was really hurtful and damaging to me because it doesn't point out the cause of the problem, it was just about them reacting to me negatively which contributed so much to my social anxiety and self-isolation and still does. People with my type of trauma/upbringing (I would call myself schizoid, but I know Daniel doesn't like these labels) probably can't get better any other way than with the help of a good therapist. That's also because we can't be as self-sufficient as Daniel recommends us to be because it's our primary defense mechanism, as he knows. Most of us often get so delusional we think that if it's us then it must be us only, 100%. So since it's hard for me to get friends and it's super rare to meet someone who you'd have a deeper kind of friendship with, I can't get any other support that that of a therapist which I'm lucky to get so far (not often, but that's another story). Another thing is it's not possible for everyone to love themselves on their own and be their own friend if they didn't have any positive experience with people, i.e. they didn't get at least some love by their parents or at least if they didn't spend some time in therapy with a helpful therapist who would replace that parental figure. That's what I've heard and that's what I think too because I found it to be not really possible for myself.

Where do you go when traveling to meet these friends? Do you volunteer, take up hobbies like surfing, join support groups, etc.? That's the only question I have, because the world doesn't have a lot of structure in terms of creating adult friendships. I know you previously talked about how Al-Anon helped you make friends at one point in your life. But there seems to be no silver bullet type of answer. I know you said you meet healthy people in healthy contexts, but it would be great if you could give a list of examples of healthy contexts and places to meet warm, kind, self-loving, fun people.

👍

00:18 is that Izmir, Turkey?

你为什么总穿一样的衣服？

do you record all these in long sessions? that shirt's pretty recognizable by now

Do you have other shirt?

People suck. Making friends is for people who are in denial about people.

Your body language shows considerable amounts of agitation, which would seem to me that you need to release anger in a forceful way, as opposed to letting in seep out. Then, I'm in a numb dissociated state, so that's arguably worse.