"Do you have ROCD?" "I don't know, I'm on my 5th video to try to figure it out."

Strange how I always felt good in abusive (emotional or avoidant partners) relationships, but in healthy relationships I am always finding and picking flaws in partner

What makes it even worse, is seeing all the couples around you look so happy. And your stuck in your head wondering if you have that, and not picking your relationship, harming your relationship.

“Every relationship may have some toxic traits.” Thank you. Thank you for that realistic acknowledgment.

I felt so understood and relieved by that that I just started sobbing. I love my boyfriend so much but I doubt everything all the time! And I often don’t feel happy even though he’s everything I’ve wanted. It sucks and hurts so bad…

anyone else watching this during COVID lockdown? i have just discovered that ROCD even exists and all i can say is ...wow. i have this in my current relationship and i've had it in past relationships. my partner and i are essentially in an LDR because of lockdown and my obsessive thoughts have gone through the roof in isolation. constantly, constantly googling about relationships, reading about stuff online, podcasts, thinking about the future, wanting to know for sure if my boyfriend and i are right for each other. i almost cried watching this because it was genuinely such a relief to feel seen and understood.

My obsessing isn’t between my girlfriend and someone else; it’s between my girlfriend and being single.

I’m pretty sure i have rOCD but after suffering it for so long i begin to feel detached from my partner and that makes the obsessive thoughts worse. It’s like they’re saying “see!! I told you! I was right” but really i think i just feel numb and distant from my partner bc these thoughts make it so hard to just love and be happy. I just want to be happy

Ok anyone else feel that their ROCD sometimes is where you are afraid to lose your partner and must make sure it's right, but then other times you feel relief from actually deciding its wrong and feeling like you have to break up? Like sometimes I'm so in love and want to be with my partner forever but then other times I feel nothing and I need to feel not anxious about "not knowing" if it's right so I feel better just deciding its wrong and has to end. Does that mean its actually wrong or just ROCD symptoms, these feelings come and go and dealing with generalized anxiety for my whole life and this for the past year and a half has just been so exhausting.

Honestly have just started having this , it kinda goes away when I’m with him but during the week when I’m away from him I go into the obsessive thoughts it makes me feel depressed and sad :( I love him , but my thoughts keep making me question it! Need therapy

I was scared to click on this video because the title triggered me a bit. But I’m glad I did. My obsessive thoughts kind of change, they come and go in waves. Currently it’s about this topic and if my partner is a good person. I recognize that I sometimes feel like a relationship has to be perfect or it’s not good, I know that’s not true but it’s hard sometimes. I tend to take those flaws and imperfections in a relationship and turn them into “red flags”. And sometimes I put all the blame on him and I don’t even recognize the things I can improve on because all I can think about is my obsessions.. which is unfair to him. We constantly talk about wanting to grow together and become the best we can be, he can be a bit passive and impatient and I can be dismissive and closed off but we’re trying. I just want the best for us. I want to heal for us and for myself. It’s so hard sometimes. But thank you for this video, I am glad I worked up the courage to watch it!

The notion that someone could be totally comfortable with uncertainty is just so foreign to me 😅 who are these magical beings, I want to learn from them!

I realised I can have ROCD/Relationship Anxiety symptoms when I realised how random my doubts and worries were. The examples were: Am I suppose to feel madly in love by now? (1.5 months of relationship) Should I have deep feeling that he's the one by now? (2 months of relationship) I feel put off by what he wore today, am I attracted to him? Someone said we look like siblings, do we look ugly/funny together? I'm in love with him but today he seems disconnected. Did he loose feelings for me? Our relationship feels easy, is it weird we don't have agreements? We have similar personalities. Will it make our dynamic vanilla and boring? My compulsive behaviour is constant reading of reddit threads, checking relationship gurus yt videos or checking ig dating advice pages. I also noticed that one day I can have total piece and feel happy, but next day I feel very anxious with no specific reason.

My relationship ended because was spiraling on anxiety, thinking if we should be together or not. I couldnt make a decision. So he asked me "would you feel relief i I broke up with you now?"... I said "at least the doubts would stop". So we broke up. Turns out I wasn't as relieved as expected. A bit, yes, but I still wouldn't sleep well. Now we are talking again, and are both about to attend therapy to fix each issues (he also has his own toxic traits). We decided to stick together and see if therapy helps us work it out.

Everyone talks about triggers. I feel like everything is a trigger. From the moment I walk up to the time I go to bed. My mind is constant you don’t love your boyfriend anymore, you need to end the relationship. I know I don’t want to but even while typing this my thoughts are yes you do. I have very little amounts of the day where I don’t think like this. When you were in the deepest part of your ROCD was everything a trigger? Did you feel good at some point? I’m worried that since I don’t feel I have certain triggers that everything is a trigger that it may not be ROCD

This time last year I had these thoughts and had no idea what was wrong with me! My partner stuck through me throughout this! I expressed all my worries, every thought, every fear and he still STUCK with me! I’m so grateful for him and for you and a few other youtube channels. I found out about OCD/PURE O/ROCD last February and have been recovering ever since. I still have awful days but before it was awful months or weeks! So so so grateful

I feel a pit in my heart area when with my partner. I think it feels like guilt. I don’t want to leave her, but this feeling hurts. In moments when I don’t feel it I feel euphoria and feel like I know I want to be with her.

Thank you so much for everything you do. Ever since I discovered the existence of ROCD I have felt SO much better with myself. I suffered immensely going back and forth between excitement, shame, guilt, fear, anxiety. Sometimes I still think “you’re just playing victim, nothing’s wrong with you, you’re just too much of a coward to face the fact that you don’t love her, you will her her…” and it goes on and on, spiralling into panic. Since I discovered these videos I managed to take a step back, listen to my body, have the courage to ignore these obsessive thoughts and realise that “everything is ok”

i’m tearing up and i haven’t even watched the video yet. thank you so much for this

I’m 1 minute in and after you talked about the fear of not matching up with what you were saying I was just like “yes!!! Me !!! Me!!! Me!!!” Lmao

Wow i destroyed all my relationships because of ROCD. The anxiety is overwhelming. I finally gathered the courage to tell my mom about this...and she said i should approach this in therapy. I told her do you think X, Y and Z is normal? And she said "no, you are clearly suffering. This is too much anxiety". Im very scared of ever entering a relationship again due to my problem. I get too stressed and obsessed.

you touch my soul every time Kiyomi, thank you. guys If you still haven't join the community.. do it right now, because it is full of love and compassion and it feels like HOME, so join us we have your same thoughts and the same will to just heal and learn, AND LOVE.

This brought tears to my eyes...I have past sexual traumas and my partner has stuck with me through it all...all the anxiety, the panic attacks, the pain. He's really been a strong and consistent person in my life and I couldn't be more thankful. He's my first love, and he proposed to me this last month. I love him so much and I don't think I could truly see anyone else as my future husband. We get each other and have each other's backs when things go wrong. I often have people tell me, when things are rocky, that there are "other fish in the sea" and that I "SHOULD date other people". Things have been draining with my anxiety and compulsions and my family tells me that we "shouldn't be having so many problems so early on" and that "when we were engaged, we didn't have half as many problems as you did". It discourages me and truly makes me fear that he isn't the one. ROCD is debilitating and it debilitates me on a daily basis. This video has given me so much hope, thank you Kiyomi💜

Thank you for making this. It means so much to me.

The thought itself "Are we going to break up? Did I fall out of love?" etc sets of my anxiety. Like the actual thought itself. Ive been with my partner for 13 years and due to the pandemic my anxiety went through the roof...this seems to be one of the most sticky of my OCD thoughts. Its like my generalized anxiety attached itself to my relationship among other very typical OCD sub categories.

What a wonderful video, I love the new editing style.You are really helping me, Thank you.

I'M SO GLAD I FOUND YOUR CHANNEL OHMYGOODNESS

This. I am so glad I found your channel. I’m ready to heal. And I think your videos might truly help me

I've been dealing with this all year. So happy I've found this channel

Thank you so much Kiyomi for this. The most helpful material I have found so far! Bless you!

THIS ANTICIPATES WHATEVER I WANNA THINK THIS IS AMAZINGGGGG OH MY GOOOOOOOOOD

I LOVE YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS I CANT BELIEVE THERE’S A TERM FOR WHAT IM FEELING

Love your videos, you're extremely helpful for ocd sufferers like me x

thank you so much for the uploads, it makes me feel much better knowing that its just my OCD.

Thank you! Great video! It’s a shame more people aren’t talking about this

this is ridiculously helpful. the questions at the end were so eye opening i think i might cry. thank you.

I've just found this channel right in a moment of necessity and I just want to say THANK YOU. I suscribe. Thank you for your videos because I'd just started to think I was going crazy

You touch my soul everytime. Thank you so much for all the work you are doing. You're just amazing I'm so happy I found you.

Beautifully put. I hadn't thought about it like this. I know that my partner and I are willing to grow together. Thinking about a relationship as an ongoing process that cultivates growth, rather than a static, wrong or right finality, is such a game changer. I'm going to push myself to frame my relationship in this way❤️ thank you.

Nailed it and brought me to tears! I have a great guy and I'm going to stop questioning everything and follow your advice. Thank you

I started struggling with all of this very recently and finding your channel has really really helped me and grounded me. The guilt and anxiety is so hard because my partner is the most beautiful person on the planet and I love him so much.

I just started sobbing and i’m only 4mins in. These videos are so helpful. Thank you so much♥️

I am SO happy I found you can't express how grateful I am thank you so much

This is amazingly helpfull ! Thankyou so much ! Please continue this vids :)

I have ROCD, your videos have helped me so much. I've worked to disengage from my compulsions as much as possible (sometimes I slip but overall it's been so much better). Thank you for everything you do, my stress levels within my relationship have drastically decreased!

Kiyomi, you are amazing! Thank you so much!

This is so validating. Thank you so much

this is such an amazing channel and the first truly helpful source of information on this topic. I'd love videos and advice for the two topics that challenge me the most: Other attractive persons (real or in movies, avoiding public places in order to avoid other attractive persons) and being "afraid" or anxious to go home from work, for example (even though being home is totally fine). You have spoken about this in side notes, I guess, but I can imagine, a lot of people experience these two issues :)

I feel so unbelievably seen by this video, everything you said resonated so brilliantly with me, and you've brought me a lot of peace mid-ROCD crisis/spiral. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart

Thank you Kiyomi! Your videos are always just what I need to hear and are very inspiring to me. I’ve always had strong anxiety ever since childhood so I have times now where I have a good grip on it and then there are times where I slip into depression because of it. Anyways, as I got deeper into my relationship (of 4 years) it turned into rocd and as I’ve known about rocd I frequently would sulk in the thoughts like the symptoms you were describing but lately I’ve been able to control it better to where I’m not like the people you describe having rocd. It could be because I’m in a happier place in my life because my boyfriend moved in with me. I definitely know I have it but I sometimes doubt myself because I don’t show all of the exact symptoms you spoke of when I’m dealing with rocd. Oh well haha everyone probably has and handles rocd differently anyways.

Wow. This video really spoke to me. I’m saving it. Thank you.

Your voice is so soothing and I love how you came out and said “we have to cut the BS” 👏👏message received. Thank you ❤

This is really touching. What a lovely person Kiyomi seems to be. I had fallen upon ROCD about a year ago I think, but it has really taken hold of me recently (& of course I forgot about this concept altogether.) I am a gay man in my late 40’s and have been partnered for 10 years. Having been in another long-term relationship, the pressure to not be the troubled/defective one is quite high. I relate to many of these feelings and am liberated by the notion of not trying to solve immediately the problem. I really relate to that numbness that grows as almost a protection from the jarring mind work that sometimes takes hold. There will be incompatibilities and differences and that does not equal wrong. This is huge for me. I have such a need to have it right-not just for myself but because I am very fearful of wasting any more of his time. The question comes up, “Are you happy?” And we have been honest about helping one another if either of us decides to change course. The truth is that happiness is just a little hard to gauge right now. No red flags, no deal breakers, many things that are quite strong and simpatico...but a ton of anxiety and some sadness that has sort of taken roots. So, yes, this strikes a chord and is comforting to find.

omg this video just made me break down, i feel so seen, you described exactly how i feel and i have been going crazy obsessively thinking about this

ROCD takes over my life. But I know there's a way out

This video came to me in great time. I had been doing well for a while, but days ago I had some bad thoughts and in the beggining I didn't judge them, but then I thought: 'im not worrying or feeling bad(a gut feeling I used to had) about these bad thoughts and feelings, what if that means I don't love my partner anymore?'. Really wtf thought, like healing would be a bad thing This video reminds me to not be black and white, besides that, I think my hormonal periods affects A LOT my anxiety, being aware of that can be very useful Thank you Kiyomi for ALL you do ❣️ and sorry about my English, im latin Byeee

It's great seeing a community of people commenting on here, sharing their thoughts with each other. I feel the same stuff

This has helped me so much! ❤️

I admired so much that Demolishing the norm of” if it feels right, it’s right, and if it feels wrong, it’s wrong” articulating a great aspect of a relationship that I’ve not ever seen or heard before. You are hitting a very deep hole in my mind cause I suffer from ROCD, and I just acted impulsively urgent;That was 2 days ago, and the obsessive thinking strikes me all over again! All over. You blew my mind ,touched my soul, gave me another perspective of what relationships are( yes, toxicity exists, but limited, there is no right or wrong, there is what I can do to make it better..etc) feeling understood and contented ❤keep it up

You may never read this comment, but I can't tell you how much these videos help. I finally reached out to get professional help from an OCD specialist, and I can't wait for my first appointment. When I watch these I feel like I'm listening to myself talk! Thank you for all the work you do!

Gracias Kiyomi ♥️✨

This just helped me and my mind. I thank u for this and I’m a new subbie ❤️ I deserve healthy love and not having to know all the questions. Thank u by much

This was amazing. Thank you.

Im with the best and most supportive person and I feel frozen!I miss the warmth I could offer him the first months.By the time I realized how feelings got deeper and deeper I just froze by rocd thoughts!Can't deal with how good he is and how crappy all these thoughts are in my head.

this is totally me! 😢 thank you for this video

Man, this is such great information.

I started getting these thoughts about a year ago and let me tell you it was the absolute worst time in my life. Constantly asking myself questions, constantly doubting my feelings. It was rough. This lady has saved me in ways no one will understand.

"OR ELSE I AM DOOOOMEEDD" haha yup that's meee. OCD is getting much better now... Can't believe it's improving. Thanks Kiyomi you have helped so much

god this is a breath of fresh air. wish i watched this before breaking up with the sweetest girl in the world out of impulse and intrusive thoughts.

Thanks for your videos on ROCD! Certainly if a relationship has any major red flags (abuse, infidelity, etc.) then it's the wrong one. I do think it's possible, even with ROCD, for a relationship not to have any of these major red flags but still simply be fundamentally unsatisfying. I realize it could be triggering to talk about that, but I'd like to hear you touch on it.

I can’t tell you enough how HAPPY I am I found you. This video is exactly what I needed and how I’ve been feeling. Thank you so much, subscribed ❤️❤️

I am tearing up watching this...I have experiencing this for 6 years now..bt kept on suppressing my feelings because of loosing this perfect guy...he is a GEM...it was a interreligion relationship, n my parents won't agree to it ..that was the constant fear that haunted me... finally I broke up with him few months back...the sad reality is..he thinks I used him (or something like that)..n guilt started eating me up from within. Thank you

Thank you for this video!!

Soooo... Just saying, when we're talking about "abusive", red-flag relationships and describing them with words like "spiritual" and "emotional" abuse, "not okay with you", "pushes you down", it's hard not to also see a similarity here living with a partner with ROCD and how they may be constantly thinking they could be with someone "better", or that you really aren't as intelligent, beautiful, social as someone else might be and becoming obsessed with it to the point of being emotionally unavailable. Even if you never say these things to a partner, a person can sense the cycles and I say this as someone with ROCD who is often attracted to other people with ROCD. It often triggers my eating disorder when I'm around someone soooo uncertain of me even if this uncertainty is causing that person suffering too, (because they can't fully enjoy being with anyone). The behaviors that manifest from ROCD come from ambivalence but could look extremely similar to spiritual and emotional abuse because we're unable to love another person while in the throes of obsession and may actually harm them repeatedly.

thank you. i needed to hear this

Thank you so much. This was amazing.

I had never realised that what I have been struggling with for so long was a real thing until now. Thank you. I wish I had seen this video months ago. ROCD began to dominate my whole life until I gave in to it and broke up with my partner. The relief I felt for a few days after was incredible- and then the ROCD thoughts continued in the same way as they had done before- until I ended up experiencing psychotic symptoms. I have recovered from the psychosis but the ROCD thoughts still keep coming back- it's so exhausting. Thank you for this video

So glad I found this

This video made me cry tears of relief. I have SUCH a healthy, wonderful relationship with my husband and finally i have some clarity.

I don't know if I have ROCD and I really wish I could figure it out. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now, and suddenly have started obsessing over whether I'm happy in the relationship. It was triggered by a close friend of mine breaking up and then deciding to download a dating app and meeting people online. When she started talking to guys online who appeared so much more interesting and funny, unfortunately I started comparing my boyfriend to all of them and nitpicking on every aspect. Even after my friend stopped going out with new guys due to Covid, I just couldn't help but feel like I was missing out. I'd never dated before him (I'm 29 and a very late bloomer), he's my first ever boyfriend and till now I was sure I loved him deeply. The worst part is, the things I'm obsessing over seem like they're so important. Like common interests, matching sense of humour etc. I'm beginning to think that I'm bored in the relationship now and when I think that I might end up breaking up with him because I'm not feeling anything all of a sudden, it feels like a punch to my chest. I've been crying non-stop about this for 3 months now. This is the guy I was so sure I'd marry, but now I just don't know what I want. I look at him and start panicking, and then I cry and pray to God to stop making me feel this way because he's the best thing that has happened to me in a long time and he's the sweetest person I know. But then my brain tells me, "You can just be friends with him, just because he's sweet you don't need to be romantically involved with him. You've never been with anyone else before, how can you be so sure that he's the one? He's absolutely not your type, you've always been attracted to witty, charming guys like in the books you used to read. Won't you forever regret not seeking out the guy of your dreams?" This is such a long message, but if anyone has any answers to this, I'd love to know what's going on. I really, really do love him so much but these thoughts are making me feel so depressed, I just want to give up now. Update: It's a little over a year later from when I wrote this comment. We broke up 2 weeks ago. I became too toxic and he couldn't take it anymore. Although people have been telling me that it wasn't completely my fault, that I wasn't having my needs fulfilled... I can't help but feel that I caused this. Became insecure, needy, paranoid. And also frustrated at everything, especially him. I wish I had gotten professional help... But.. I don't know how much it would have worked. Four years... All gone. And now that I've lost him, I'm afraid that I'll keep comparing everyone to him in the future, and never really get over him. This is punishment... Cruel, and torturous. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I feel like I'll always be alone. Maybe that's for the best.

Im so glad I found this video:((❤️ thank you so much

thank you so much for this 🙏

Wow! Thank you! Subscribed!!!

constant thoughts about feeling happier if I leave or find someone else or just feel freedom. It sucks, because that feeling also make me feel like Ill never experience joy in this relationship.

Yeeeessss. Oh my . This video saved my life

Thank you so much for these videos I have constant doubt and worry that I will leave my boyfriend and I will end up losing someone I care about deeply and these videos have really helped me realize I'm not alone 😔

This is really helpful thanks

You got me again... I paused the video at 1:10 to check and search if I am possibly in an abusive relationship, because he does some stupid things sometimes that I don't like. Got into the hole really quick, got very bad and felt the spiral going down. I decided to just continue watching the vid and then came to 7:12 ... and of course I'm making everything worse than it actually is. It feels so stupid to type this all but the feeling is sooo real!! Thanks for your vids, they help me a lot

Thank you so much for making this video Kiyomi. It baffles me how people can live their lives with these feelings and thoughts. I spend hours and hours in my day worrying whether my relationship is right for me when i find a detail that could mean doom. But when i see him in person and hang out with him, I'm having the time of my life. It's torture when I have break-up thoughts, for fear that I've made the wrong decision and because I think these thoughts are signs that the relationship is not doing well, I want to break up right away.

right now my main problem is breaking through my trust issues. we’ve been together 9 months and idk how to trust him even though i have no reason not to. whenever he goes out with his friends i struggle with not being anxious for some reason. he treats me so well and deals with all my anxiety but i know i am the problem. he listens to me when i’m sad about things that don’t even exist and does his best to reassure me. whenever there’s a party and he’s drinking, i need to be there. i get sad when he likes other girls posts but i can’t stop myself. i’m so in love with him but sometimes have intrusive thoughts that i think are right and can’t get my mind off of them. he’s my best friend and i know i won’t be able to live without him but my anxiety is taking me over and burning me out. i cant just force myself to not be anxious about anything and it seems as if it gets stronger the more i love him. is this ROCD or am i not ready for a relationship ?

this is so helpful wow

Like someone else. In the comments. I was also scared to click this video because I was scared of the title. I've been with my husband 8 years. 3 kids. Recently had my third and struggling with postnatal depression again with has triggered these obsessive thoughts about my feelings in my relationship again. Before this I was sure I was so in love with him and glad I didnt leave him in the past when this happened. And also before me feeling like this I was obsessing and worrying that he was cheating on me when he wasn't. Which Is why i didnt think I have these doubts again. Hopefully my dr will sort out my medication as that has helped me tremendously before when this happened x

I likely have ROCD in regards to friends, and this genuinely helps

This is worse when your partner asks for space and doesn’t explain anything.

Thank you so much

Can It take months to not feel anxiety, it’s been only a month and I feel better after listening to this thank you !

I am so sad guys. We broke up 10 months ago. I didn’t know ROCD was a thing, but I think I suffered from that a lot of time. Also I have suffered around 6 OCD themes since then. I miss her like crazy, I hope we can get back together one day , explain her everything I went through and apologize. I love her, even tho rocd made me doubt it and made me obsess about finding “perfection” in a relationship. My heart hurts :( I cry everyday and think about her all the time

I've always had obsessive thoughts about having a terminal illness, even if the doctor told me I was fine I'd still find a way to convince myself they were wrong. So they've chalked that up to anxiety/depression and I've been on meds for about 2.5 years. Just after they started working and those thoughts were going away, I met my partner. I was so happy with him I felt like I finally found my other half! We broke up a few times because his feelings were not as strong, but we've been together a year now since the last breakup and things have really improved. But i found myself not really wanting to be intimate anymore, I couldn't really muster the energy to do it and he wanted to all the time. When he pointed it out I felt really bad, I started thinking that it was my medication giving me low sex drive and I went off it without professional advice. The anxiety slowly started coming back, but not about my health it was about not loving my boyfriend anymore. I thought that because I didn't want to have sex, that meant I wasn't attracted to him, therefore I didn't love him. Everytime I'm with him I check to see how attracted I am to him, how much I love him in the moment, can I be with him forever? I have moments where I realise I'm happy with him, but those moments turn bad once I convince myself I'm faking it. I went back on the meds, it's been a week now and I still get these thoughts. The side effects are giving me more anxiety, it's making me irritable and tired. Everytime my boyfriend tries to be funny, I get annoyed I just want him to stop talking. Last night I broke up with him, I told him a few days prior what I'd been going through and he's been so understandable. I just want to be alone all the time, I don't want to see him because I know I'll overthink and fuel the anxiety. I feel safe when I'm alone, so maybe I did the right thing? Maybe I'll realise i made a mistake when I start to get better. I feel so out of touch with my emotions, I don't know what I'm feeling at all right now. I don't feel happy or sad, I don't feel relief I don't feel anything.

Hello,!! Thank you for share your experience...Can you enable automatic subtitles? I do not know if it is my computer or some of your videos I cannot read the subtitles, and so it is easier for me to understand you, since english is not my language. thank you

I came to see this video and in the middle I started crying...