My narcissistic mother recently discovered this channel, and now sees narcissists everywhere, except in the mirror

Seasoned divorce e lawyer here. I am so happy that modern technology exists so people like Dr. Ramani have a platform to explain narcissistic personality disorder. Get educated. Vet very carefully. Do NOT marry or get into a long term relationship with a narcissist. Stay safe out there!

"Do narcissists know they are narcissists?" They don't use that term as a rule, they simply know they're the only one who knows anything and they're always RIGHT!

I remember once having an epiphany that my mother MUST know that her behavior is wrong because of the way she hides/misrepresents it around other people. If they didn't know it was wrong, they would behave the same way around everyone.

This part: "We live in a world where narcissism is incentivized and rewarded..." Preach!

I believe they know that their behavior is wrong, which is why most of them preach about privacy and how “what happens in the home stays in the home”, because they don’t want people to know their tricks or for others to point out the abuse and support us to leave and thus they lose their supply. So regardless if they know they’re a narcissist or not, they do know their behavior is self-serving regardless of how it affects others and don’t care.

I once asked one of those Group 4 people: "Would you rather be always right or would you rather have friends?" They answered angrily: "I want to have friends who understand that I'm right!" I realised that this relationship had no future.

I think they know they are being cruel to someone, but they truly believe the person deserves it

The best advice I ever got was "if someone tells you they are toxic or hurt people, believe them". These people will often tell you what others have said about them, hoping you will disagree. Pay close attention, their past partners probably knew more than you do now.

I was with someone who was in group 3 and I was the only one who ever held him accountable for anything but after a while it was easier to look the other way rather than deal with his wrath. When we finally went to couples therapy he accused the therapist of taking my side and after a while stopped going. I continued to go to therapy to help me deal with him and one day he thanked me to continue going to therapy because he said I really needed it. He had no idea why I was still going. In the end when I called him out on something he did, he stormed out of my life. A week later begged me to take him back but I really couldn’t allow it. It’s the best thing that happened to me.

I’ve had some strong narcissistic tendencies in my life that has changed over the years. Going from the grandiose overt narcissist to slipping into depression and going the covert route. It was a long process over around a decade. The whole time I saw myself as the “good guy” in every scenario. Like I always felt that my opinion was the final authority and I took it as a threat when somebody’s opinion differed. It’s a terrible feeling realizing all of the pain you caused other people when reality hits you. I can’t undo my actions and words from the past, I just try to do better every day. So yeah I belong to group 2. And I thank God above for allowing me to sober up a little mentally.

I was an only child surrounded by adult narcissists, histrionics, and enablers. I see now how much my self-trust and decision-making abilities were affected by their abuse. Today I get dismissed or berated for calling them out, but I know my feelings are valid and true. It's a breath of fresh air to hear Dr. Ramani articulate so many things that were weird when I grew up.

If they do or they don't know they are narcissists, they know exactly what they do to others!

The narcs I’ve encountered seem to regard the approach as just “taking care of business”. If they get what they want; the end justifies the means. If they fail; well…..it’s your fault.

My now ex used to say "Im just telling the truth", when it was entirely something he conjured up in his mind to fit his narrative. Once you are away from the narcissist for some time, you see very clearly many of the manipulations and gaslighting that had previously made you question yourself. Thank you, Dr. Ramani! I still say you are a treasure!

Thank you, now I understand why the label "narcissist" never quite seemed 100% fitting for my mother. A spoiled, sheltered, privileged, yet also emotionally deprived and traumatized, upper class princess, histrionic to boot with a possible side helping of bipolar, both her parents being heavily traumatized from WW2, emotionally inept and as hopelessly stuck in their 19th century ways as was the norm for that generation. I understand why she put me on a pedestal while, at the same time, constantly devaluating me and doing her brutal best to keep me insecure, dependent, and disenfranchised. She could switch gears between furious hysterics and dramatic self-pity at the drop of a hat. My father, who'd been raised like a leashed dog by his alsatian-breeding stepfather, was not only way too weak to reign her in but actually believed that mother must be obeyed, no matter what, end of story. To quote the late, great Terry Pratchett, my parents were so out of their depth that the fish had lights on their heads. They were emotionally crippled, mentally stunted, and stuck in a nightmarish "more of the same" vicious cycle with no way to help themselves. In hindsight, I realize they really did the best they could. Given their intellectual and emotional equipment, it's a miracle they didn't both die in an argument with a traffic sign or a lamp pole. Luckily, their behaviour was so outrageously stupid, irrational, nonsensical and incoherent that, even as a child, I realized that they were the ones not functioning properly, not me. So I guess after decades of battling them and the demons they put into me, I've finally come full circle. Sorry for the rant, I trust you'll recognize it as self-therapy.

Yes. And being a narcissist is part of their insecurity/shame. To point out they’re a narcissist is like shining a light on every insecurity they have! Be prepared if you do call ‘em out

I once went in a date with a guy who told me his wife’s therapist said he was a narcissist. His attitude in saying it was , “Can you believe it - how crazy is that? What, me?” I did not go out with him again!!

Living with narcissist is like living in the Twilight Zone.

I had a parent like this and even when I directly confronted her she would not accept it. She never did, never apologised. If you are looking for ownership from them or remorse, forget it.

They are more concerned about what they want than what others want or need.

They might know, but they will never admit to it…in my experience they deflect it onto whoever is telling them they are narcissistic.

I call Narcs out all the time. It’s healing and therapeutic. It also stops the Narc with their antagonistic, abusive and destructive behaviour. They won’t want to feel and shame and humiliation. So they stop the Narc behaviour in my presence. Whether they stop it altogether is another matter. But I know when they are dealing with me, they don’t care to showcase those traits I have called them out on. Because I will beat their ego to a pulp and they will not have a leg to stand on once I am done with them.

Without suggesting any form of condoning, I do believe, based on experience, that narcissistic people are at war with themselves on a deep hidden level, deeply traumatised, and in pain. It's impossible to live with all that, and, like people who create a 2nd personality within, to escape pain, narcissists create an attitude that gives them the sensation and experience of grandiosity As soon as what's underlying is triggered, all hell breaks lose, for the pain is felt. That's something that needs to be covered up at all costs, even at the cost of abuse of others. They're never happy, the power game is all they have and invest in, plus material gain, often.

Do they know isn’t the question. Do they care? That’s the question. And they don’t care. Since they don’t care, what they know never comes into play.

My Narcs husband for over 30 years was clueless to his disjunction! I’m out running for my life. He told me that no one can stop him! Get house. I left my home, but guess what friends, IT SAVED MY LIFE! I’m out at 60 and will start all over, I’m happy, I’m joyful and able to worship my God the way I’m supposed to. I’m soo excited about my new love of my journey and the future of my business. YEAH Run for your life, I DID! There life after this relationship! I’m in therapy I hike, I travel I love people, I’m living for the first time in a very very long time. I would shrink so he’s comfortable, I was an enabler! Stepping on me all the way! Shame on me! Life is a beautiful journey and I’m all for it.

I think I'm group 2. Or at least I want to be. I'm in a 7 year relationship with an empath and last week she said she wanted to end it. She is the one who found the narcissist definition and brought it it me. Initially, I tried to disprove it because its very hard to admit that I am narcissistic. I offered to go to therapy now that my eyes were opened, but im afraid it's too late. I want to thank you Dr. Ramani for this video and the one about narcissistic fatigue. My wife has been complaining for years about being tired and foggy as you described. I finally understand what I was doing to her all this time. I am deeply regretful of my behavior and pray that we can work it out for our kids sake.

I'm a Group 2 narcissistic whose burnt-out by my behavior. Thank you Dr. Ramani for all that you do!!!!

I called out my narcissistic sadistic father, and from that moment on I was dead to the family. for me it wasn't about saving the relation but about justice and self preservation. Staying in my family would have driven me to suicide. If we keep on turning our heads things will never change.

I like that you broke it down into groups because you often hear that narcissism is a spectrum and by making these categories you defined the points on that spectrum. Some sort of graph or chart would really put this into visual perspective. The better you know who and what you're dealing with the easier its to prepare yourself, but still these relationships will never truly be easy.

My 23 year old son has told me several times he thinks he is a narcissist & all he cares about is being right. He gaslights me & I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him. We haven’t spoken in a few weeks. It’s very sad, because all I’ve ever wanted was to have a positive relationship with my son.

I love how passionate but at the same time irritated dr. Ramani is when talking about a Narcissist.. the facial expressions say it all! I really look up to her, I enjoy and learn from her videos.. excellent work!

In my own observation of a group 3 and group 4, I'd say those types tend to do lots of projecting - calling other people narcissistic or selfish or lacking of empathy, so they understand those behaviors but totally can't recognize they are the ones doing them.

Saved this one! What a great resource! It’s hard to believe and admit that your loved one is a narcissist when they do not present as a flaming, mean, malignant, grandiose narcissist. I am divorcing my “group 4” covert /vulnerable narcissist as I write this. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I know the narcissism has its origins in attachment trauma and childhood neglect. I am a counselor-In-training myself. I have a lot of compassion and understanding for my husband. And, he can’t or won’t see that there is anything wrong with his behavior so it never changes. The back and forth from seemingly kind and self aware to entitled and blaming is exhausting. It is toxic and it is abusive-whether he is aware of what he is doing or not. After trying radical acceptance and managing my expectations for 2 years I’ve discovered the emotional, mental and spiritual energy that requires is more than I am willing to spend. I’m grieving and I’m moving on. Thank you Dr. R. 💕 Your books, videos and webinars have been catalytic in my recovery and I’m so very grateful that you put out so much content for free!

I was married to a Group 1 narcissist and finally “escaped” after 29 years! It was a hugely disfunctional marriage! I didn’t even know what narcissism was; I just used to tell friends he was a JOY SUCKER!

I am deeply grateful you made this video. I was so confused about my ex, and I now realize it's because he's in category four. I can feel the confusion and self-doubt slowly melting away and my confidence coming back.

I was originally going to say ‘no they don’t know and can’t admit it cuz that would mean there’s something wrong with them”. After watching this I see that there’s so much more to it! Thank you

Fear of exposure and playing victim is proof they know there is something to cover up.

I asked my brother if he knew he was a chronic narcissist and he said with the biggest grin saying he knew he is and very proud of it! He's caused so much chaos, discord and wrecked the lives of!our family, ex wives and most unfortunately his children. From that moment, I knew I had to completely severe our relationship with him including his children for the sake of my sanity and my family's. Had to realize he couldn't love me more than his children yet he is perfectly ok with ruining his children's lives. They know exactly what they are doing and what they are. They honestly are demons in human form

Nodding my head through the whole description of group four. I've seen what damage a person of that group can do. Their lack of understanding of what they do wrong is what can get them sympathy and endless new chances because people around them think they should just try harder in explaining things to them. But luckily I've also seen how people who know more about toxic behaviors can come to a point where they stop giving chances.

A good question that I've been asking for a while. It's always being projected back on me and causes me to question my own reality when I KNOW what I've heard, seen, felt, and treatment received. This is an exhausting battle that I've given up trying to figure out, but rather have finally been able to focus on my own healing and what I can control....which is my own actions and reactions.

I think narcissistic ppl do know. They just don't call themselves "narcissist", they proudly proclaim themselves "assholes"

I really needed this. My older sister is in the category where it feels like she's a middle aged teenager, more like a tween in her case. I am currently in no contact. I am going to work on letting go of the idea that she will come to her senses and change. I am so greatful for your content. Thank you!

I think they know they are broken, think they are still better than others and that creates crisises in their heads making them dive deeper into narcissism. For my own self interest, I just stay away from them.

Dr. Ramani, In case you somehow don't realize this, you're saving lives with these videos you make. Your knowledge and insight just flow from you, and it's simply amazing that you can be so in touch with this subject. Thank you so much for sharing your gift!

They definitely know, many won’t admit it. I’ve seen my toxic father act correctly with people he respected, even with complete strangers. He chooses to behave horribly with me.

It’s either an inability to think introspectively or that they lack the capacity to care whether they are causing pain to others

My ex wife would have occasional moments of clarity where she would realise that her behaviour was abusive and causing problems not only to those around her but to her own life too and the way people viewed her but those moments wouldn't last long she'd soon be back to her regular traits. I've been no contact with her for over 20 years now, I hear she hasn't changed.

My ex was group 3. It’s ridiculous how he didn’t see that his behaviour was wrong. At first I thought we see life differently and he was just raised without basic morals. Only to realise he is narcissistic. No time for self reflection or empathy.

Thank you Dr. Ramani for this puzzle piece. I married a #4. Raised by a malignant Covert narcissist mother. At age 73 I Started my learning about these crimes against me via internet. The first 6 months I documented 300 hours of learning. That was 3 years ago. I continue to learn and heal. It is as though they took explicit joy in my suffering and loss of my children, my health, housing, money, friends and possesions.

Im married to #3! Took me 20+ years to realize he was a narcissist….. im 90% healed and am not feeding into his bs anymore. He hates it but Im standing my ground and it feeeelssss sooooooo good! Thank you Dr Ramani! ❤

I've known a few narcissists, some know and some don't, but they all share unacceptable and cruel personality traits. I believe in the spectrum and I like the way you've broken down these 4 groups Dr. Ramini. It really helps to understand narcissists better and to avoid them!

MY late husband was a group 4. He would stare at me when I called him out, totally stunned that I could have a problem with him, as he was such a great guy, or he would have this smirk as if he thought I was over reacting, emotional and irrational and then one starts to doubt yourself. As I started to withdraw from him, he was constantly trying new things to draw me back but if it worked, it only worked once and then I was clued up and would not fall for it again. It got more extreme until he committed suicide, leaving me a super spiteful letter and probably very sure I would pine and blame myself for the rest of my life. But ti did and do not and just walked away without shedding a tear, sounds heartless but he played this threatening suiced game with all his family, they were not surprised and I refused to feel responsible for his decisions

I was with a Group 2 Narcissist. Hence it took me 6years to finally come out of it. He used to apologize and pretend to realize and change but fell back again and again. This back and forth behavior was so exhausting and also the reason why it confused me. Always tried to convince myself that he was nice since he did this and that for me whenever he raged on me! I kept on debating in my head if he was a kind apologetic person or the monster who abused me! Even now after break-up, I keep getting these flashbacks of his "nice" behaviors and then question myself why he becomes the aggressive monster next moment. Thank you Dr.Ramani for clearing the doubt in me. Today I survived that ugly, depressing relationship (or prison) only because of your videos!! I'm so much in peace without that piece of #@&t in my life! I'm trying my best to heal from it now and taking care of myself 🙏🏽

Thank you Dr. Ramani for continuing to educate us which gives us the tools to believe in our own worth, and value our own emotions. Understanding what's happening is the best defense ❤️

I think they know and that is why they choose to gaslight and lie all the time. Cause if they flat out told you what they know to be true, you would be out the door in less than a minute.

" I am in a relationship with a world class ass" This woman is my hero

My narcissistic ex was willing to entertain the idea that he might have a problem just because discussing it made him the guaranteed center of attention. Im convinced he loved couples therapy for the same reason. It didn't hurt his feelings that our therapists were concerned about his bad behavior toward me. Attention, no matter how negative, thrilled him.

Ramani, you spoke to 50,000 people in one day. Thank you for all of your good hard work. 💕💕💕💕✨🌈

THAT is where I was.."strange roommate" and servant. I accepted this position in life for most of my life that it almost killed me. Starting with my father and family, i have always been the whipping post for THEIR NARCISSISM.

Hi Dr Ramani,. YES, they know they are narcissists. I totally believe that!

Years ago I had a dear friend who tested extremely high on a vocational narcissism scale, which he shared with me, so he knew. Yet he wanted and worked very hard not to be harmful in any way to others; in fact he bestowed (note the word choice) kindness, generosity, sympathy, appreciation, and a great deal of charm, to all around, having learned by rote (like some autistics) how to "read" other people and mostly please them, though not always successfully, which would then confuse him. He was very well liked, highly respected, and even loved by many, despite his inability to actually empathize. He responded well when I would suggest to him that he "turn around" his perceptions, to picture himself in another's position, in order to comprehend to some degree the other's feelings, and so with difficulty he did learn some empathy, little by little over many years. He would often do very inconsiderate things without realizing that he was being inconsiderate, and was startled when they were pointed out to him, however gently. It seemed to be rooted simply in that for him he was the center of all things. There was never any rage or hostility. He did need a great deal of validation, which he won pretty naturally, and was very competitive, not liking to feel that he was found lacking in any way. He's the only narcissist I ever knew I would ever have wasted my time on, let alone my feelings.

#2 is my EXACT situation. It's like you are a fly on the wall. Thanks for all of these wonderful videos and thanks for not shaming those who stay in the relationship. Everyone has their reasons and 'no contact' isn't the best solution for every situation.

Thanks for this topic today! As I was getting ready for the day, my mind wandered to past relationships (and likely present one). I was trying to figure out which "type " of narcissists I was entangled with. Finishing my morning routine, I wondered what you have to teach us today. And here is the answer to my question! You've educated and empowered me, as well as many others. Your mission matters and DOES make a difference. With gratitude.......

I've heard of "high functioning narcissists." They do not care about other people, but know better than to behave like a narcissist.

My father was a narcissist. He's been gone for 21 years and I'm still reeling. I can't seem to get my feet under myself.

Narcissist or Not...I do Not let Anyone that is abusive, toxic, manipulating, negative, dark, callous, in my space, or my Life!.. There are so many of these wicked, dark people among us...I am an empath, somewhat introverted, peaceful...and spiritual not religious!...I meditate, pray, exercise moderately, eat a flexible vegetarian way of eating...maintain good mental, physical, emotional health... after my divorce years ago, I made the conscious decision to not marry again!...Having great, married, hardworking, grown children..I enjoy living a single, healthy, debt free, spiritual, simple, peaceful Life!

I think people want to know the answer to the question because they want to know if the way they're being treated is intentional and done consciously or if the narc cannot control themselves. The person experiencing the narc is still looking for an out for the narc. Because if they cannot help it, then its not their fault. If its conscious then the victim can help them through this because that's how a normal person that can experience selfless love would think. The answer is probably it just doesn't matter because the narc is going to continue to abuse and the only healthy response to abuse is to end it.

Regarding social processing deficits and narcissism: I'm autistic, and I know a lot of other autistic people--only a couple of whom are narcissists. Thing is, we're socially clueless--but once we figure out what other people are thinking and feeling, we care about it. And we're interested in figuring it out, too. This is the difference between myself (diagnosed autistic) and my mother (probably also autistic, and probably narcissistic, but will not seek help). She's clueless, but she doesn't care to find out. Whereas, I'm clueless too, but if I accidentally insult somebody, and realize it, I'll go over and over it figuring out what I did wrong and how to do it right next time. My closest friends have all been recruited to tell me when I do something that annoys people, or might even be hurtful, and promised to tell me and explain what needs to change. But my mom... she's twice my age, but she's learned maybe a tenth of what I've learned about people and about how to communicate and understand and get along and help others and generally be decent. It's not that her likely autism is more severe than mine, either. She can live on her own and hold a job and drive; I can't do any of those. Over the past few years, I've had to come to terms with the fact that it's best for me to keep away from her, to have my sister as my power of attorney if I'm incapacitated, to live several states away. She's dangerous, not because she's actively malignant, but because she doesn't know, and doesn't care that she doesn't know. She's very unlike the other autistic people I know, who have perfectly good consciences and care very much about not hurting others. Some even live with social anxiety disorder because they're so afraid of hurting somebody. Anyway, point being, autism and narcissism can happen together, but they usually don't. If anything, autistic folks like me are more vulnerable to narcissists, especially ones with good social skills, because they often become skilled in bullying and manipulation. Growing up, my mom insisted I was the family problem, even when she married guys who were outright abusive. Turns out that when you leave home, and get away from the narcissist, and get some therapy, you find out that maybe you're just an average person doing your best, and your mom liked to blame things on you because it was easier than learning to change. And, hoo boy, if they're Autism Moms (tm), and puffing themselves up to look all heroic just because they're raising an autistic child and it's So Hard and they're So Self-Sacrificing... all the while they abuse the autistic child, often by doing things they know is painful to the child (mine used to stuff me into wool sweaters, which feel like wearing a swarm of stinging bees, and then blame my resulting meltdowns on "being strong willed")... well, that's a lost cause. People who use their kid's disability to come off as wonderful saints to the rest of the world, while neglecting or abusing their kid behind closed doors, are the scourge of the autism community.

My husband believed everything he did was ok. He never, ever said he was sorry. He did not seem to understand why I was upset all the time. He maintained the "nice guy" facade all the time while he was doing sneaky things behind everyone's back. Long after the divorce and he moved away, he called and actually thought I would allow him to occupy my extra room in my house. He was old and sick, but I couldn't risk getting sucked in again.

Some people just can't leave other people alone. They're that desperate for attention.

Dr. Ramani is doing Gods' work

The more I learn about narcissism the better I can protect myself against it, thank you very much👍👍

Hi Dr Ramani. My best friend since childhood was a narcissist . Long story short after 20 years of friendship I couldnt take her you know what and had to cut her out of my life for good. Sixteen years later she calls me out of the blue and we go to lunch. I thought she would have changed by now. But no she was exactly the same person even worse. Your right these people do not change .

Group 3 is exactly where the x sits. I only understood after over three decades of misery. I left him with the full support and assistance from all the children. His lack of self awareness is staggering. The judge ordered him to get into a program for abusive men before he could file for reunification with our youngest daughter, but he refused to comply: prime example of him believing EVERYONE is wrong (judge, GAL, therapist, witnesses) except him. Three years have passed and she's no longer a minor. He has no chance now. All the children are adults now and want nothing to do with him. He will die alone.

Yes. My Dad does and I’m trying to learn to not be like them. I knew I grew up with no self esteem and thought I deserved abuse, I have been trying to unlearn it.I became avoidant . I had no idea “ get over yourself” is a narcissistic statement. I haven’t said it but all mine have said it to mine. I hide but find I go into control sometimes when I’m unaware that I don’t have to control everything. I know my Dad won’t change. The cognitive dissonance is so hard, I just need to unlearn everything as I want respect and to be respectful. People have never called me a narcissist, I go suicidal very quickly or go into psychosis and am afraid to leave the house. I won’t be in a relationship until I’m sure I can maintain respect towards others and myself. I have to unlearn the bad behavior and I’m not sure sometimes what is bad and what is okay. Especially socially. I found a letter from 4th grade where I was asking a teacher how to interact with the other kids. I have insight and am actually okay until I get triggered. My Dad only lies to his therapist and is terrifying to me. Can’t leave until I’ve unlearned and have people so I can do reality checks with them. The self sabotage is my hardest battle as Ihave to remind myself Iam not a monster for being human. I truly care about people when I’m not in fight/flight/ freeze or fawning mode. I found myself acting so strange when I tried to go back to school, then my friend gave me a list of what to look for to see if a child is reacting to abuse. I have a good soul, I know that it is only when I disassociate that I go into the terror and feel like I’m age 4. I believe the unaware ones really are in psychosis. I am the one who struggles with “ I don’t understand why that is wrong” Im glad to get learning to stop it as I had two malignant parents. Mom knew as she laughed and said it was amazing I was not a psychopath from the treatment. I have been the child on my hand and knees begging my Dad to please but now Iunderstand he has no understanding of cruelty. I am upwrsonalizing it, I told people not to get close to me as I was terrified of hurting others or getting hurt again. I keep telling myself there is hope as I’ve been trying to get help since age 4 and truly wanted to understand healthy human interaction.

Yes, yes, yes, they do. I have no problem calling them out.

Good clear answer. Unfortunately I know a family like this, they really are quite unaware of their behaviour, have money, destroy cars, have a history of drugs and alcohol abuse, instil similar behaviour in the now grown children, need constant validation from an audience of employees and fans, have bad reputations, and in older age end up alone and destroy themselves. Distance yourself people. I have few friends but the ones I have are caring and enjoyable to be around thank goodness.

Your channel has helped me understand a lot. Many things I can not change and so at least understanding them helps me feel like I am no longer crazy. Just finding videos that explained many things I was thinking but could not grasp.

My narcissistic ex would often refer to himself as “difficult” (but in a way, that we all just have to deal with it as if it was his prerogative). But only after he discarded me, in one of the most diabolical ways you could imagine, I realized he had zero self-awareness; He saw nothing wrong with his actions and the fact that he crashed down my life seemed like no big deal, at all.

I truly believe that the person in my family my direct sibling knows when they’re being nasty, controlling, and not playing well with others… They even apologize to it but then it never changes it’s always the same and you end up being frustrated and walk away because you don’t want to have to deal with their conflict or their control

Dr. Ramani - thank you- this is an excellent video, one of your best. I am narcissistic and have listened to many of your videos, trying to figure out and understand myself. My husband is kind and highly intuitive and has tried to help me see and change my behaviors for many years. It has been so stressful for both of us. He has even been willing to get past my past infidelity. As a “group 2” narcissist it has indeed caused him extreme cognitive dissonance. The amount of awareness and moderation of behavior that I have made is not enough to counteract the past and present trauma I cause. The ups and downs that I cause are unhealthy for both of us. He has always believed that I could heal and change, but I continue to be difficult, resistant, insensitive, and slow to transform. Sadly, we are parting ways after 42 years together. It feels good to think that I am decent enough to let him move on, but horrible to think of the loss I have caused him. I appreciate that you hold out hope for the possibility of being a “unicorn”.

My Narcissist wife told me I had this and other psychological problems. I got counselling. I was told I have mild depression from abuse. Then I sought information. Then I sent videos to my kids about covert narcissism. They said, you aren't like that Dad. Mom is. So some, Narcissists think they are victims. My wife does for sure.

Watching my mother-in-law get angry at her son (my husband) when he tries to talk about "it" ... and she turns & angrily stomps into the house ... then later she tells me that she " just took a step back "... yes, they know they are lying, deceiving people ... and their anger masks their guilt & shame - such a waste

And if they are older, they will never change.

Does anyone else worry that they are not only the a-hole, but also the narc?! I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. And now that I'm gone, I am angry. A lot. And I am just having a harder time being kind, keeping my temper... People, if you know the relationship is unhealthy, please get out. I believe the crap may be catchy.

To anyone that might be reading this, I wish that whatever is hurting you or whatever you are constantly stressing about gets better. I sincerely wish everyone that happiness enters your hearts and let all the stress and sadness vanish out of your life...as you know nothing in life is ever easy, but what's important is that you keep going! you're worthy of love and happiness, never allow anyone to tell you otherwise! It can be extra hard sometimes but stay strong and hang in there, your life matters, no one can replace you, I'm thankful you're born and I'm sure your struggles will pass soon! Hang in there my friend 🙏 I wish all of you plenty of health and strength during these tough times. remember you are strong, you got this! never forget that! sending much love over towards all of you, May god or whatever you might believe in bless you the way you need it to! ♥️🌟

I'm a female diagnosed in my late twenties with autism, and it's decently common knowledge in our circles that female autists are extremely likely to be misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which is one of the most damaging thing that can be done to us. I'm starting to notice a very worrying and troubling pattern of male autists being misdiagnosed as Narcissists, albeit unofficially as it's usually just their peers saying such. The more recent research coming suggests autism is caused by the pregnant woman being "under distress" during her pregnancy, which suggests many autistic children have narcissistic parents. I think this topic is extremely important and I hope one day more is discussed.

Thank you, Dr. Ramani - I can't describe how significant your educational talks are! The struggle with the narcs, assuming they are "normal" relationships, creates so much self-blame, isolation, and a general sense of being defective / unworthy. Without the needed resolution, and relationship 'repair', the non-narc can easily lose their life, so to speak; wasting so much personal valuable resources. Instead of building a meaningful, personal life, it goes to waste under the immense struggle and burden dealing with such dark pathology. Your videos take me from "darkness to light" without fail, and I am deeply grateful to you, and your team.

They know they are different, but they are too narcissistic to give themselves a label. The would rather think everyone else is fucked up than openly admit that they themselves are fucked up. They will literally make u think u are crazy. That's how the get through life. As long as their ego is soothed, all is good in the world

I think they think they are being "judged" for ruining peoples lives and its other people's fault for not forgiving them. (Even though they never quit their antics)

Thanks Dr Ramani for another eye opening video. To my experience, group 4 can be the most confusing group, you said it very well: they seem so clueless that one could just miss them as socially or emotionally underdeveloped. But to me, the differentiating factor is their self-centre ness, self-praise, self-defensiveness, and lack of responsibility even when they are repeatedly being told about their wrong behaviour.

We all place somewhere on the scale for narcissism, and I am aware when I am being cold, too intellectual, not emotionally responsive, etc. and then I DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT *smile* cos I love my family and friends, and I then choose to be warm, open-hearted, sensitive, caring and supportive

Minute 12 describes my entire relationship in my 20s. It made me feel crazy. It didn't just break my heart, it broke my soul.

Hi Dr. Ramani. My ex boyfriend and I are 16, but he was abusive emotionally and sexually. He’d gaslight me, manipulate me, and try to isolate me. His tantrums were scary and I was afraid he’d get violent. But on the outside, everybody thinks he’s so wonderful. He also has a history of trauma from two narcissistic parents, and now I have trauma from the relationship. We’re young, but I’m pretty sure he’s a malignant narcissist. You said once that teens can be difficult to their parents but I don’t think that’s how normal teenagers, or people in general, should act with someone they claim to love. Is it narcissism? Edit: for example, I wouldn’t trust that in 15 years, he wouldn’t do it again because in most cases, people don’t change. I think there are many warning signs from earlier ages, and we have to stop making generalizations about young people because few people I know are like this.

In my personal experience, once I figured it out and said "No, this IS you, and I know that now" they admitted to it all (FOR THE FIRST TIME), and that was almost 8 years later.

My mother is #3 absolutely! I told her she's a narc, her 3 friends from college together told her and instead of asking why would my daughter and 3 closest friends say that she was pissed off, we're all making it up, for what? and she's a counselor, all she ever talks about is how much her clients love her 🙄. For the last 25 yrs we all thought she was a psychotherapist until my sister found out she doesn't have enough credits. I finally cut her off a little over 2 yrs ago, we just started speaking again, occasionally, and she tries to act like she's changed but she's not that good of an actress Idk how long this will last.

as soon as I call my wife toxic she goes into meltdown and behaves decently for a couple of weeks, but then eventually slips back. Dealing with this added element makes it even more exhausting, because instead of always having to deal with an argumentative selfrighteous narcissist you have to constantly second guess if they are currently Jekell or Hyde, ie empathic, caring, thoughtful, or the devil incarnate

My ex husband is in the middle group. He's been getting help for four months now. He says he finally understands what characteristic deficits means. He says his are resentment, addiction, judgemental/gossiping, projection, deflection, not taking responsibility for his mistakes. He's beginning to learn how it feels to give instead of taking from people. He says by giving his time to others etc it makes him feel good because it's the right thing to do. He's trying to find his belief system as well. He realises that this is the very beginning of a life long process.

At 80 my dad finally divorced his narcisist wife. Taking his power back. We are waiting for her last meltdown, but are prepared.