Something worse than not having anyone to protect you when you're a child, is someone there who turns the other way. It teaches you no one will intervene to help you.

Can I just add…😂😂😂I’m NARC FREE 68 days and no contact…after 4 decades I finally left!

Your not allowed to be yourself. The minute you are relaxed and yourself it pisses them off!

You dont even need to make a mistake, or do something wrong. Even if you do NOTHING wrong, they will manufacture something anyway, thusly making it IMPOSSIBLE to avoid trouble.

1/. Insults 2/. Gaslighting 3/. Self doubt 4/. Blaming 5/. Attacking

When I start to miss my ex-husband, I listen to your words & remind myself why I left. Thanks for reminding us we are worthy to be treated right!

I am 75 and just now realizing how narcissism (from toxic family, and several marriages), has held me back at work and in relationships. Your podcasts have been a lifeline to me. It’s never too late to find peace.

"There aren't many good days, but there were enough good days to keep you in." Well described.

"Not ever allowed to make a mistake" My childhood in a nutshell.

"You can't win." Exactly. "They are looking for a fight." Precisely. Once she's in rage mode all I can do is greyrock. Because EVERYTHING I say will only escalate.

I finally am free of my narcissists - mom died, husband divorced me 😊, I retired and the bully at work does not have access to me and I set very strong boundaries with my step-son. I feel so free with no gaslighting. I am enough!

they mock, humiliate, degrade, belittle, have contempt for..., dehumanize with their behaviors..., betray, cheat, lie, use you for supply of their ego-needs, insult you in front of others, constantly shame you, you are constantly walking on eggshells...

What I do is offensive, what they do is "just how they are" ....horrible manipulation

You always have to keep your bags packed because they're constantly taking you on a guilt trip.

Saddest thing is waking up and realizing how ur life was nothing but lies and manipulation. Sad to be raised by this.

They can also make you feel bad just with their energy and presence somehow miraculously…

When my grandson was 5 years old, I forgot something I had told him and he had a meltdown screaming that I was a liar. In the midst of this, one of his parents, in a round about way accused him of trying to tear the family apart. He screamed back, "I'm not trying to tear the family apart". I finally realized the mistake I made and went to him and apologized profusely. Then the parent accused him of taking advantage of me. That poor little child heard these things since he was a toddler. He is 11 now and every chance I get I tell him what a great kid he is and I'm so proud of him. Once when he was a few years younger, I was hugging him and he tried to pull away a little. I held him closer and whispered in his ear, "I'm going to hug you till you feel all the love I have for you." In that instant, his whole body relaxed. I always hope he grows up knowing that he is not a bad person. I also hope I'll still be around when he graduates high school.

I was a narcissist, trained by my mother, until I made the conscious decision at around age 14/15 yrs that I did not want to be anything like my mother. Although, deep down, I still believed her negative narrative of me for most of my life. Thanks to Dr. Ramani and other professionals online, I am discovering the reasons for some of my behaviors over my lifetime and am beginning to heal at 60 ❤

Last year at a family gathering my narcissistic sister said out loud, "hey, remember when you told me how much you liked a_ _ _ sex..." what? I was shocked and upset something so inappropriate was said. Then she said I couldn't take a joke and laughed at me along with the rest of the family. I was always made fun of at every family gathering. Now at 61 years old, I no longer engage with them. Finally free of being the joke. I am finally empowered to know about narcissistic people. Healing every day. Thank you Dr Ramani!!!

I always thought that I was never allowed to make a mistake. If I made a mistake it was over. My friendships would end, my education was over, my marriages were over. I was no longer lovable. I was constantly surprised when the sun would come up the next day and the fact that when others made mistakes, their life went on. Their friends forgave and forgot. After a mistake I would feel ostracized, put myself in 😢self punishment. Now I notice mistakes are not the end. They are nothing. They are me being lovably human. Thank you so much. You are throwing lifelines to decent sensitive empathic people. I Love you!❤

“Narcissist people only see what is relevant to them, useful to them, and good for them.”

When someone is contemptuous the relationship is over. Thank you, that confirms I made the correct decision.

This describes my father. As long as he was happy no one or nothing else mattered. We walked on egg shells when he was having a bad day or in a bad mood. As kids my mom had to please him to keep the peace. We couldnt drink the milk because it was Dads milk. When you mentioned the car coming in the driveway you nailed it Dr. Ramani. We never knew what mood he would be in. As a child i grew up with fear and controlled by my dads needs and moods. Had to make sure i never upset him or disappointed him. I ended up having ulcers and anxiety. Every time he called my stomach went in knots and i had palpitations. Mom passed before him and i believe her stomach issues and illness was related to the horrible life she had with him. Thank you Dr Ramani.

Wish more therapists understood this.

My mind immediately went to my fifth grade parent teacher conference. All of the other kids were playing. I was clinging to my mom in case I needed to fix something she didn't like about what the teacher said. I'm 73 and it still hurts. I knew at the time something was wrong but I always think it's because I'm not worthy.

When you are living with a narciccist you get so lonely

Unrelated but the woman has one of the best narration voices I've ever enjoyed

It wasn't until my 40s that I finally realized that EVERYONE is figuring it out as they go along. NOBODY is an authority or expert on ANYTHING. Because everything is constantly changing and evolving. Hindsight is 2020, as always.

My parents always told me to not cry over spilled milk, but verbally berate me for spilling sed milk. There’s no winning in these relationships, mistakes are a natural part of life but apparently not for narcissistic supply.

6:33 That part about hearing footsteps coming up the stairs shook me to the core. I literally broke down into tears hearing you describe this. It's like I was put in a time machine and back in my room as a child. I remembered how my home felt like a prison and the prison gaurd was coming to bully me even if I've been a good inmate. I literally haven't cried about my narcissistic parents in YEARS. I have gone no contact with my mom and minimal contact with my dad. I put most of that behind me now and I have gone through the deconstruction and healing phases a long time ago. It just goes to show that this kind of trauma runs DEEP when you have narcissistic parents. It never truly goes away. 💔

"No one will ever love you more than I do" is especially insidious when it comes from your mother. I heard this my whole life, and it made me grow up believing that love is overrated. If the person who is supposed to love me more than anyone else treated me with such contempt, why should I expect to be treated better by anyone else?

The only good outcome of leaving with a narcissist is that got a lot of practice of being alone

That’s how growing up with my mother was.. not allowed to make a mistake. Even accidentally spilling food as a kid would unleash rage. She’s still like this even though I’m an adult.. if I don’t magically mind read the dark cloud sets it.

❤ thank you Doctor for getting in the weeds with this. You deserve a Nobel Prize for your work and passion for health, healing and wellness.

I have married two narcissists. I walked away from both. First one of 23 years, the second one as 10 years. I have often wondered what about ME was attracted to these individuals. After listening to your videos, I realized my mother was a narcissist. Thank you. I have been told it’s only the strong that are able to get out of these relationships. I’ve wondered about that because I’ve never thought I was very strong because of the abuse I have taken in this life. I have been single for over 15 years and would love to have a healthy man in my life. I have to admit I fear getting into another bad relationship. Thank you for all the information you share. It has helped me tremendously.❤❤❤

The thing is "IT" MAY NOT BE A MISTAKE, just an excuse to bring you low, make you feel small, or humiliate you--especially in front of those who may hold you in some esteem. It's out of the blue...POUNCE is the tactic.

Insecure, sad, and small people- thank you for the validation

Too right, they NEVER let you forget it if you make a mistake!

Wow, my biggest childhood wound has been “I am not enough.” I’m grateful for the deep dive I’ve been able to undertake on the topic of narcissism, all thanks to your educational videos!

My mom told me my entire life that “I “ made “her” walk on eggshells, when it was totally the other way around. But she kept control of me for decades with those mind games 😳 She also told me, as a teenager that no one would ever want me & would laugh at different mistakes 🥺

I remember as a little girl, sitting in the pews at Church, (rarely) with our whole family. I recall sitting there like stone, like a statue. Frozen. Terrified to even shift my sitting position or hardly even breathe. Because if I did, I was terrified my Father would go into a rage after Church & I would be in trouble. Afraid to make ONE mistake. NOW, I don't care. Thank you Dr. Ramani for this video. Right over the target.🎯🎯🎯🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🔥🔥🔥©️

The kindest description I can give of one narcissist in my life is that she is a narcissistic bully with psychopathic tendancies. One time a friend of hers watched her go off on a person in one of her bullying, raging, assaults and asked her "Why do you treat people that way?". The woman calmly responded, "Because it gets me what I want." Don't get sucked into their rage storm. Don't get emotional. Dont get moved by their fury. 1) Stay calm. 2) Don't interact 3) Don't respond. 4) State that you won't put up with them treating you this way. 5) Walk Away.... 6) Be prepared for a violent reaction 7) Run away, if you must. 8) Don't go back, if you choose. 9) But Never, Never Give Them What They Want. That just rewards them for treating you horribly. And teaches them to repeat their bullying.

I remember having SO little to talk about I became toxic. The only responses from the narc were if we were talking about drama in our family. I cried just wanting to have a normal, free flowing conversation.

I just discovered the world is not actually narcissistic. Wow. Due to my upbringing by an extremely violent narcissistic mother and a narcissistic sibling (golden child) I used to fear interacting with other people always expecting them to judge me. I would always expect the worst outcome from everything. I was conditioned to look at everyone as competition. It amazes me now that the world is actually quite nice and most of the people are normal. Well, at least so much more normal and nice than my toxic family. Almost every day now, when dealing with other / random people in social situations I am surprised by things going much better than expected. It takes time to heal, and I’m nowhere near “done”, but I do believe it’s possible.

Nothing is off limits when it comes to the cause of a narcissist throwing a tantrum. Go ahead and be yourself forget about walking on eggshells. Sometimes I feel like I’d rather throw raw eggs at them 😂

The self doubt is the hardest to break. Boundaries are hard but in being these relationships is harder.

They make you feel small to drain you of confidence which stops you leaving them. Guarantees the source

My life changed 18 years ago when my then loving normal husband totally flipped a switch and decided he didn’t like intimacy (in one day). He said he just didn’t like it. Up to the point there was nothing wrong at all. He is not verbally abusive he’s just absent from my life. No positive comments about anything, but then pretends to be Mr. Wonderful and attentive when his kids are around. Pretends to be Mr. Happy and conversational. When we are alone he doesn’t say hi when I get home doesn’t ask how I am, where I’m going Nothing. I have so much more to list here but I’d need to write a book. So very sad and I’m finally done! Never did anything to deserve this treatment. So sad I’ve put up with it this long! Adios!!!

It's like they see the world as a hostile place where everyone is against them, so they must always make a preemptive strike. They are forever trying to build themselves up just so they can feel good about themselves, and they feel compelled to tear you down in the process. I have one rule of thumb to assure myself that I'm NOT the narcissist; I ask myself whether I have deep feelings of affection for others. Narcissists don't have these feelings because they are too filled with contempt for others. So if you genuinely have these feelings, you probably are NOT a narcissist.

I FOOLED my narcissistic family system, I was born into a severely narcissistic family system with a disability it was an unwritten rule growing up and (from day one I was thought of by everybody as "stupid"). So when I had finally HAD ENOUGH and actually STOOD UP FOR MYSELF, I guess that blew them out of the water, just for the fact that they would typically I I WOULD fall for all their baiting (not knowing any differently) I would go back into the relationship. Even though yes I did lose everybody, HAVING THEM OUT of my life my BRAIN WORKS SO MUCH because I'm not under constant stress. Don't get me wrong I grieve for that family every single day (well two people in particular).

Dr. Ramani ... you are saving my life. As a young aspiring 18 year old, I was shinning and excited to take the world head on. I was teased by older coworkers in my finance job that "soon life will dim that light she has - look at her, she's still so young and hopeful.", but I wasn't convinced anything could stop me - until I met my narcissist at 23 years old. I am now 24 ... and I got out. Finding the right therapist would have been a potentially discouraging and very triggering journey. My light did not go out ... but it was for damn sure dimmed for those 15 months. To say the absolute least. You along with about 3 other TikTokers *saved* me and are bringing me back to life through your work. Adding fire back to the light that I've always had inside myself. Thank you.

The contempt. My mom would just scowl at me all the time. Sometimes I would run through everything in my head trying to figure out why she was mad at me this time. But it wasn't just anger, it was contempt. Disgust. ALL the time. That's the most prevalent part of my relationship with my mom, in my childhood (and into adulthood) memories. oh my god.

The only time she was nice to talk to and not defensive was after surgery when she was high on morphine.

Pretty much anyone who worries that they may be a narcissist is NOT a narcissist.

WoW that part on being mistreated and mocked by family and siblings and peers just defined my entire childhood and brought so much knowledge to me and myself today!!!!!

You talking about knowing when your parent gets home from work and having that anxiety build then hearing the car come in the driveway.. That just put me back in my high school bedroom.. wow

I'm 47 and I still cringe at the sound of a car door shutting... ❤👍

My sweet but now ex BF was so terrified to make a mistake (due to a truly malignant narcissist father) that he couldn't be present in a relationship. He couldn't ask me for what he wanted -- or even acknowledge this to himself much of the time. He is now in therapy for the first time at age 65, thank goodness and I hope it helps, but I had to move on.

I am so glad I found your channel; I recently left a 5 year abusive relationship with a narcissist, which was very difficult. Sometimes I will start to miss him, but I have to remind myself that when I was with him I felt more alone than I do without him. Your words ring true and you are spot on about narcissists; my ex is the biggest hypocrite I know. I have been binging your videos because I need this daily dose of real truth to keep me going. Thank you, you are appreciated! 🙏😄

This morning my narc neighbor asked if I had some wooden shelves for him. He’s busy making a cupboard at home. I know he has a lot of wooden material at his place but still he asked me for it. I gave it to him while standing at my frontdoor and he happened to beat my blooming flowers with it. The flowers are now on the street. This is what you get helping a narc. I experienced it before that narc also ruin blooming flowers either in my garden or in front of my house. I love gardening so I have a lot of blooming flora around me. That’s why it happened quit often. What I picked up from your video this time is: don’t consider yourself being paranoid. Listen to your guts. They are also right. Narcs will do everything to ruin the things you love and call it an accident. They do it on purpose, specially if you help them wholeheartedly. As punishment. They don’t thank you for helping them out. They punish you. Karma says woof to Remi. ❤️🌹💋

"We make mistakes on an hour by hour basis." Thank you!

Hypocrisy! My narc is the biggest liar and hypocrite I've ever known in my life!

Most people who watch your videos are probably here to learn more about a partner or family member, but this info is just as pertinent for narcissistic friendships. Just recently ended a long term narcissistic friendship and holy cow, I will never let another person have that kind of power over me! Thank you Dr. Ramani for giving me the information I needed to understand what was happening and get out

This hit hard. I was dating a cover narcissist (before I knew) when I had a TBI. I can't emphasize enough how maddening this was while I was also slowly recovering from an unreliable memory and numerous other symptoms. I escaped that relationship even though it cost me dearly, but it's still ultimately "better" to be away from her.

The insidious thing about how they make others feel small is how they sneak it in to conversations which makes it hard to spot, but over time accumulates and takes its toll. I wish I had recognized this at the time and been more watchful for that. Our family narcissist also really likes going out on Halloween dressed as Keith Ledger's 'Joker', the ultimate malignant narc. Hmmm.... revealing? I think so.

Omg this is exactly my mother .. the tunnel vision .. all of it. It gave me an eating disorder when I was a teen.

I have just come out of an extremely narcissistic marriage of 29 years, so much of these videos are helping me understand the reality of the marriage. I got to a point where I was questioning everything in my life, what was real? What was fake? Now I realise what this was, a covert narcissist at his best.

In a relationship oh my god yes not allowed to make a mistake. A good day when he is in control and you hold back. It is immediately obvious that you are in the wrong. You are not allowed to discuss almost anything. Suffocating and disgusting state to live in. They do pick on you and the sulking can go on for days.

So true, that is why I live by myself, after 40 years of 2 different long term narcissistic abusive relationships plus numerous other family members I see on rare occasion. Now when I make mistakes, I show myself love so it helps me to do better. Finally now, I am learning to love myself in my 70’s but I live by myself now and I’m happy and content.

OR WHEN THEY SAY NOTHING GOOD EVERRRR. No parental support, encouragement or Empathy

You start to feel comfortable or think that it is now okay to say something, then you do and bam confirmation of what you never say anything. This is EXACTLY the life I was living up until yesterday.

She is scary good at imitating narcissists and how they talk! It's comical in a sad/creepy way.

My mother and oldest brother bullied me this way. Everything had to be “perfect” or “right” the first time. This really affected me as an artist. I knew I had some natural talent but also understood that it needed to be developed. I could never open up in class because I was afraid of making a mistake and being humiliated in font of the class. I came to hate something that I was actually good at. I also failed at math for the same reason. I’m pretty good at math now, mostly because I allowed myself to practice.

Being cheated on made me feel like my body had been fouled, and would never again be clean. Took a long time to change that. Being mocked and abused was nothing compared to that. Then I woke up and saw the light. I’m still recovering from that insanity, but dealing now with his grown child who is ten times worse than he ever was. So no. There’s no peace with these people. Ever. My physical health has taken a shit kicking from grief. I am forever enlightened by what I have learned on this journey though, and my mental health, although certainly battered throughout the years, has managed to stay strong. Not unaffected, but resigned to this reality. I’ll tell you one thing for sure. I really like the quiet, being away from insanity and mind games. I’ve become sweeter to myself in many ways too, trying to heal those heartaches and telling myself I gave it my best. At some point though I just surrendered to it all, completely and totally. Maybe that was the fight getting sucked right out of me. Radical acceptance was what happened, and that’s a really, really big feeling. Hang in there everyone.

Even in the unlikely situation where you did do everything so called right, there will always be something they find or come up with to defense their urge to rage or put you down...

"OMG... this is what I hate about" I think those words will be ringing in my head for the rest of my life

I have been accused of being selfish or a narcissist when… I plan self care, say no, set boundaries.

Why is it called "parenting" when my father screams and yells at me but when I do it, it's called "elder abuse"?

Nothing is ever enough for a narcissist

I know for sure that I am not a narcissist because I am the giver of encouragements to others that needs it. I am hanging there suffering in silence. Pain in my heart and I give more to balance it perhaps. Thank you Dr. Ramani for the terrific knowledge you give us.

My ex and I lived in a huge house that his parents bought for him. I would clean it top to bottom, and he would start moving everything around the way "he" wanted things, even though I hadn't moved anything, just cleaned. Then the rage.

The most common sentiment I saw was "Disappointment". I would often think, "why does this person want me when I constantly disappoint them?"

As someone who has ADHD, I can focus on something really interesting at times, even scroll Instagram for hours. If I get up I will totally get distracted, but it's the hyperfocus phase. I can talk about myself for a while to try and externally process something, although it always goes towards wanting to understand things better. When the narcissist does these things, they are an excuse most of the time I would think, but those examples of ADHD are accurate to what ADHD is like. What's sick is that they know that and they will accurately fake something like that. My ADHD and autism was completely ignored my entire life. My mom is a covert narcissist, my grandma and step dad were both overt narcissists. They all did pretty much the same things, but my mom is the martyr/hero type. Anyway, she can totally express ADHD symptoms to her advantage and she made mine so much worse with her behavior, especially because of the anxiety she caused.

Lost everyone and every thing, including myself in divorce. Of all your videos, this one .. really hit home on all points. Thank you.

Yes, I was told I was narcissistic by a family member narcissist, gaslighting me. I was able to negate her statement. She still tries in other ways. I refuse to interact with her today.🎉

Throughout all time it’s proven out that without “mistakes” progress would not happen. Progress starts with an idea and a series of mistakes, which causes us to learn and try again. Since narcs have convinced themselves they are kin to Jesus and make no mistakes; it follows that they cannot learn. Mistakes are the gateway to discovery. And lightbulbs!

I question myself every day if am the narcissist. I have done so many quizzes and profiles to see if I am. I finally decided to go to therapy starting next week. Thank you Dr. Ramani. You have me so much to get to this point.

I literally love you so much and thank you from the bottom of my heart for the knowledge and advice you spread. You gave me the assurance i needed to finally leave. They made me feel CRAZY. and say things like “did you take ur meds today?” When I’d cry because of the way they treated me. I was so gas lit I literally felt crazy. I was isolated I didn’t have anyone to tell me that I wasn’t crazy EXCEPT FOR YOU 🙏

Wow! I feel so seen! When I was a kid, I always hid when I heard my mom's car pull into the driveway. I felt guilty about hiding from her, too. An exchange student who lived with us said they also hid, which felt validating that I wasn't the only one having this flight reaction.

It truly saddens me, after reading many many comments, the harm caused by narcissistic behavior. I wasn't aware of the magnitude of such cruelty. Kudos to all survivors, because in my book, you're really the strong ones. I appreciate this kind of video content. Although i didn't experience such trauma, this information is very useful, in the event that i have to confront a potential narcissist.

Listening to you is like watching a movie of my life, past incidents, but with an explanation. Thanks for all the work you do. 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿

Doc if I lose this fight with myself I want you to know you helped me get closer to the good ending.

Appreciate your sense of humor, "They tell you you're not enough, let's get that out of the way!" Yep❤

When I was 14 and my parents were quietly present while my uncle beat me up and invaded the privacy of my room repeatedly, it's as if they're putting their stamp of approval on the abuse. This brought me tremendous shame for deserving such treatment.

Dr ramani I want to thank you so much for what u do my 38 years on this earth my last relationship I’ve never seen anything like it u gave me the clarity on what was happening these people are so destabilizing it’s wild

I didn't question the validity of my narcissistic mother's abusive rhetoric when I adopted her beliefs as my own at the age of 6. A self-destructive soundtrack impenetrable by compliments or praise has been playing on repeat in my head for 40 years leaving the door for abuse and mistreatment wide open. Until one day in Jan 2021 when I heard Dr. Ramani talk about narcissistic abuse. That was the last time I heard my mother's faulty perceptions echoing in my head. Healing isn't linear but giving myself a chance to take care of myself, love myself and forgive myself for the pain is worth it. ❤

It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community. Between that and all of the normal logistics in moving cause a lot of minor arguments and stress between us- more than what was normal with her narcissistic and selfish behavior. We found a place, moved in and was in the process of bringing the final things over from the old place to the new place and cleaning the old place when we had gotten into an argument about something minor. All of the pent up tensions and resentment came out. During the argument, she was dismissive to me and told me that everything was my fault and if I didn’t like it then I could pack my shit and leave. I was so frustrated that I knocked her external computer monitor down (so she would face me and not continue to argue with her back turned to me). She got up and in my face and told me that I probably wanted to hit her. I said that I didn’t, I just wanted to discuss the issues. She said that if I wasn’t man enough to hit her she would give herself a black eye and call the police on me. I turned and left the room, because I knew the argument was escalating to a place that I didn’t;t want it to go. As I turned to leave the room, she jumped on me and started punching me. I told her if she was going to hit me, I would call the police. She started punching me again, so I left the room, went to the master bathroom and called the police. They came, interviewed both of us and arrested her for spousal battery. Afterwards she only blamed me for the incident and never, never acknowledged that she hit me. A week or so later, she asked me to write a letter to the DA requesting that the charges be dropped. I said that I would write a letter but that she would have to acknowledge her actions and to apologize to me first. She said that she was sorry that I felt that way. I told her that I wouldn’t write anything to the DA, and she stormed off, giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days. I knew what happened, and have a very clear recollection of the events. I’ve been punched before with closed fists, and I know what it feels like- and it doesn’t feel like a “shove”, what she insisted was what she did (her story was that she shoved me only after I shoved her, which was nonsense). I got a copy of the police report, and one of several reasons that they arrested her is because they found her knuckles red and swollen. I tried to move through this, but she kept trying to change the narrative of what happened when I was very clear on what happened. I felt crazy, but knew that I wasn’t. This led me to question everything else that she told me. Once I started realizing that most things she told me (when it came to disagreements or things that I had an issue with) were lies, and I believed the illusion that she created to trick me. That’s what the narcissist does- they present an illusion to you. Just like looking at an optical illusion, once you see that it is a trick of the eyes, you can’t look at it again without seeing the trick. Once I started seeing through her illusions, the house of cards that she built started to fall down and I slowly started to realize the type of person that she was, even though I didn’t want to believe it. I started enforcing my boundaries and that drove her crazy and caused more fights and gaslighting, which is what I believe led to her finally discarding me 6 months after her arrest. She never admitted to gaslighting me though. Even after confronting her with things from years previous that I realized she changed to make me the one at fault, she stays with her story. Even with indisputable proof, she stays with her version of events and says everyone else is wrong. Don’t expect any type of satisfaction or closure from a narcissist, because you won’t get any. You have to believe your judgment and instinct, and not tie your self-worth and self-esteem to anything that they say to you. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,

I was The confident one that was super outgoing and a legitimate good catch when he came into my life like a tornado but the destruction doesn't stop happening. And eventually I became an empty shell and I became that person that sounds over-exaggerated in the acceptance that they have developed in that i am a terrible person and most certainly not good enough for anything or anyone and I just don't deserve anything better than what I have and I should be appreciative of that... If only I would... Looking forward to the idea that it can get better but I don't have faith in myself and can't even visualize that being repaired. I don't even have the ability to make adult decisions in my life at this point, I question everything that I do and seek validation for such. Overtime you become to yourself the destructive force that they were and they don't even have to do it anymore even though they never stop. but you do it enough to yourself that they really ain't got to say s*** no more because at this point you don't know up from down from left from right

The social media part was so spot on. I’m expected to not be upset by him following scantily clad women young enough to be his granddaughter. It’s disgusting. I m hoping I can find a way out

Spreading awareness about this kind of dynamic and how it's not something you can "figure out", or reason with is so important. Thank you.