Do THIS When You Feel the Urge to Give the SILENT TREATMENT

Рет қаралды 70,821

Күн бұрын

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When you lived through trauma, the response to stress can be so intense that silence feels like it's "OK." But giving the silent treatment can be just as aggressive as yelling. In this episode of 'ASK THE FAIRY" I talk about why good relationships need a better way to solve problems that feel overwhelming, and to communicate when you're both angry.
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Пікірлер: 536

@hardpala97 3 жыл бұрын

I love how you absolutely know how this things feels like and even laugh about it, really makes me feel less alone.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the kind words!

@JL-re1rx 3 жыл бұрын

This is horrible advice. Any psychiatrist or just licensed therapist who understands personality disorders, particularly those who are specialist with narcissism and narcissistic abuse, will tell you that if you are dealing with a pathological or malignant narcissist, ONE SHOULD GO NO CONTACT AND NOT ENGAGE BECAUSE IT’S FUTILE. This video and its seemingly kind, well-intentioned, though uneducated fairy, is promoting what could turn into horror and doing so is reckless.

@valerofam 2 жыл бұрын

@@JL-re1rx you obviously didn't listen to the whole video. This is not a Narcissist video in the slightest. My suggestion is that you listen to it over again.

@roseanneconner4494 3 жыл бұрын

You have a most gentle and straightforward way of encouraging trauma survivors to use effective communication, to monitor their own reactions, and in essence not to “spread” their trauma around. I believe this is a much-needed message. Thank you.

@shekar222 2 жыл бұрын

When I get triggered (shocked by someone else’s words or behavior) and go on silent mode, it’s never to get back at the other person. It is always to collect myself, to check what just happened, add to figure out how I’m going to handle myself. All of this internal talk results in silence on the outside.

@williampowell3378 Жыл бұрын

Yeah

@debbie41266 Жыл бұрын

Same here.

@adrianneroubidoux1333 8 ай бұрын

This is why I get stuck not talking. It happens with work too. It’s a state of overwhelm I think.

@jowoods7015 2 ай бұрын

Me too

@shekar222 2 ай бұрын

@@adrianneroubidoux1333 Same -- I stopped feeling that way when I left employers who didn't have my best interest and it has been good for me to work solo--and gain the confidence I need to ensure I never end up in places that are not healthy for me.

@adriancaldwell 3 жыл бұрын

I've got to 50 years old in a 20 yr relationship and I'm tired of mental games. Concluding that a dog is the ideal partner

@frankendoll1455 3 жыл бұрын

Identical!!! I picked a pembroke welsh corgi! Lol

@summersalix 3 жыл бұрын

I agree! 100%

@buddyneher9359 3 жыл бұрын

My darling poodle/bichon cross is the ideal partner.... but he's getting on and I will probably outlive him. I hope to find a reasonably healthy human partner (and be healthy in relationship myself) before the curtain falls.

@liznorth4028 3 жыл бұрын

Whatever works...and nothing is forever... One day at a time, right? Blessings to you!

@lovearttherapyalways 3 жыл бұрын

you sound like me. Yes our four footed animals are truly so benevolent and loving. I surround myself with my pets and watch movies and rest.. I love it!!! It is safer than most humans nowadays!

@kayjohns7936 2 жыл бұрын

When I get quiet, it is usually because I have mentioned it several times before, then become afraid to say anything again for fear of abandonment (that they won't hang in there with me as I try to push through). It is so painful because being silent is opposite of what I want to do. Instead, I want them to want me enough to understand so I feel reassured.

@ginam3379 Жыл бұрын

So similar to what I’ve done. I’m afraid to speak up so I go quiet and try to shove down my emotions. Problem is, it shows all over my face. My ex-husband would ignore my “mood” and that would upset me more. But we never ‘fought’. So messed up.

@kayjohns7936 Жыл бұрын

@@ginam3379, I hear you and can understand how that would be doubly hurtful. I am going through this with a friend right now, actually I believe we are now ex-friends. Because, I spoke up and was courageous with my fear, asking respectfully in what I needed, and they are just quiet and are responding superficially behind the shield of texts, which I would wait days for. Yesterday, I finally advised them by text, that during this time, I am not available by texts and they knew how to reach me otherwise (phone, video chat, etc). Truth is they likely won't exercise any of those options. They wanted me to die in the sword and quit because they didn't have the courage to speak their truth. I didn't take the bait so now they are stonewalling and deflecting. It has been a very painful process. I am a communicator (and, pretty good and level-headed one, at that). People always say I am honest and direct. This has been a TRUE challenge for me with them being quiet and just acting like my question is a statement that needs no reply by them. I told them that it feels like they are quiet-quitting the friendship. Of course, they denied it. It is true though. I am proud of myself by declaring I am not available for texts currently. I couldn't take that anymore. Waiting and waiting for crumbs. I am not a teenager and I deserve adult, healthy friendships. Peace to you as we both journey through this. The pain is there, but love is NOT supposed to hurt and it takes two to make a relationship.

@sugarfree1894 3 жыл бұрын

My mother used to do the silent treatment on me as a child, absolute freeze-out for what felt like days. It all but killed me inside, when I was so small I could only reach up to the hem of her skirt. I didn't start healing until I was 48, through Buddhist mantra and meditation. Those things really worked for me.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

That's wonderful - a lot of us have also found meditation to be a real game-changer -Cara@TeamFairy

@bodinewaterfire5744 3 жыл бұрын

same - my mother was always distracted - disconnected - my father did the silent treatment - and she would be forced to - as a punishment if i didn't behave- half the time i didn't know why. thank you for sharing.

@michellewall6748 3 жыл бұрын

I so feel for you.... a mothers neglect is crucifying..... good luck to you!

@sugarfree1894 3 жыл бұрын

@@michellewall6748 Thank you, it wasn't passive neglect alone, it was punishment, for things I didn't know I'd done. Best wishes to you.

@kathyxray 3 жыл бұрын

Sugar free, I went thru same thing. I was 12 at 1st silent treatment, until I moved out, age 23. The silence did continue for at least a week, each time. I would cry myself to sleep each night, I felt she hated me.

@JennyT101 3 жыл бұрын

My former best friend did the silent treatment to me when she got angry. I finally ended our 20+ year friendship because it helped me realize how cruel and manipulative she could be.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

I had to do same-was thinking it would be horrible but it was actually a relief. -Cara@TeamFairy

@Ghostlietrio 3 жыл бұрын

I have used the silence as a way to work through the triggers. I have many triggers and I don't want to take anything, out on my partner, but I need the break, the silence, sometimes I have to isolate. I tell my partner I'm having problems right now.......... disregulated....... need time to work through this, talk to myself rationally so I don't blame others. Sometimes my partner keeps at me to talk, work it out, etc. I tell him to leave me alone......... I'm not mad at you, but I can't talk now.................. he's gotten better, but he's been persistent, until I have no where to go, no peace, no respite, no safe place. He hasn't liked the response.................. but he's realized I truly need the space............ it's not him.......... and it is truly important to let me be.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Communicating what you need is great self-care! Cara@Team Fairy

@angeliquecappelli9534 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, you are on the right track. They do not have to understand, 'You' do and so does your maker, creator; "Jesus" Christ ' Son" of God

@connie10000 Жыл бұрын

Way to keep on persisting for a pause/ time out. It gives your Body Mind and Spirit a healthy balance/break vs giving into someone else's needs. Proud of you for taking care of Your Own emotional needs😇

@Iamsolomonz 2 жыл бұрын

I admit I do this, even as I write this I’m in the midst of giving my older sister the silent treatment because she said something really hurtful to me, that I’ve previously told her I didn’t like. I go silent as a way to not argue and also, as a way to defend myself from her. I really want to get better and communicate more, but it’s very challenging when you’re in an environment where you don’t necessarily feel respected. Thank you for sharing this video, it really means a lot. I really do want to build better healthier relationships, especially with my family

@nicholettej1742 2 жыл бұрын

I used to get into that default setting too- thinking I was using the time to contemplate, finding the perfect way to address it because I didn’t want the situation to go left… Sounded like we must be in the better-bigger-person-place doesn’t it! Then I realized, all that ick was wrapped by many tentacles of control, I wasn’t confident in my ability to speak my mind, spent more time than my Sis did thinking about it, and in the end, it’s fear of the WCS sitting in the drivers seat - You get/hit ZERO points for that. No matter how it’s sliced - it’s all a nice blend of passive aggressive, fearful, and conflict avoidant behavior… we can’t control our sister’s behavior/response or be in that woo-hoo “ respectful environment “ we deserve and this kind of thing with her has & will likely happen over /over - so flip this script ->stop swallowing the poop sandwiches & be more willing to take a proactive role on your own behalf sooner ,roll up your sleeves & step into your power.

@manillascissor 2 жыл бұрын

If you already told her then I'm not sure it's as much on you to keep talking. It's on her for continuing to violate your boundary. Up to you to figure out if you can or will continue to accept being treated in a disrespectful manner :)

@lovearttherapyalways 3 жыл бұрын

I love how you approach this from the premise that people do not necessarily use the silent treatment to abuse and control... but some do that. I have been harmed by the silent treatment very much by abusive, controlling people.. There is a definate difference between time out and the evil silent treatment. When I see anyone using that on me now... zoom..... beep beep, road runner speed I am out of there. done. I do not do nor accept the silent treatment. Solutions oriented authentic people do not use the silent treatment.. a time out maybe; which is a very different thing.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Agreed! -Cara@ Team Fairy

@genevievedickman5910 3 жыл бұрын

My whole family is using the silent treatment

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Hope you find support here! -Cara@Team Fairy

@whobeyou5342 3 жыл бұрын

Had a dad who used the silent treatment as punishment for days at a time. To communicate would say to my mother in front of me , "tell your daughter" and would complete the sentence with whatever he wanted to indirectly communicate to me. Such a relaxing home. Ive fought this kind of communication style in relationships all my life.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

A lot of responses indicate they have been on receiving end of silent treatment. We focus on healing from all of it! -Cara@TeamFairy

@eottoe2001 3 жыл бұрын

It's complex. We probably were given the silent treatment by a parent. We also learned to stuff it when we were attacked by our parents to avoid more severe retribution.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Lots of reasons why we do it, it's about better communication now that we are healing :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@Raminakai 2 жыл бұрын

Lewis Smedes wrote an excellent book that helped me called, “Healing the Shame You don’t deserve” He helps to pull apart what is our responsibility and what is not. It seems to go right along with what you are discussing.

@janward7965 3 жыл бұрын

When I was younger and something bad happened to me I would feel devastated and unable to function, so I shut down in order to internalise what had happened and how I could cope in order to move on. Yes, I gave the silent treatment but it was not malicious, just a means of survival and I often wouln't be able to communicate for the rest of the day. I have improved over the years. It is reassuring to find out it isn't just me who is affected.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

I'm glad this work resonates with you, welcome!

@connie10000 Жыл бұрын

I hear you. It's also challenging to know when to stop being around someone that disrespects you continuously and is an emotional roller coaster

@JR-nm2zu 3 жыл бұрын

What strikes me most about this letter is the profound humility and self-awareness this letter writer exhibits. In my experience, people who regularly practice tye silent treatment are not very capable of this kind of introspection. So impressive that he is ready to look at himself and grow.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

I feel that way too!

@shimmeringchimps3842 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for addressing this, Anna. I love your content. People love to insist that the silent treatment is a conscious manipulation tactic, and there is some level of punishment there, but for me it was more about intense fear. Growing up, I was often belittled, slapped, or hit for speaking about my needs or feelings or giving an opinion on anything, with the admonishment that "Children should be seen and not heard!" So speaking up to a romantic partner about an issue that was bothering me was unimaginable--sheer terror kept me from speaking at all. Thankfully I've gotten much better at it and am currently with a wonderful, patient, loving partner and we're working on this together. Thank you for all you do.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын

I hear you, fear can make it incredibly difficult to speak up and advocate for oneself. I'm so glad you've been able to break through some of that fear and have found a caring partner, you deserve that! -Calista@TeamFairy

@auntmayme8119 3 жыл бұрын

Your writer sounds like he has done some serious soul searching and he should be blessed. “Couples need to talk to each other in order to maintain the relationship”. Yes!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

@tariqahmed7244 3 жыл бұрын

I think it's high time now we should make an underground pit with a toilet ,a light a fan . Some food items alarm bells and snakes and dogs . Where such silent treatment people should be dropped for months minus communication only a speaker and a hidden mic a Camera for the cell . Should be made in order to punish such people and law should rob off their assets to distribute among source and children . Check for traits and do it .enough is enough . Shame money everything gone they r no more than a street begger rest of their lives . Bring a law like this .

@mouette79 2 жыл бұрын

May i also add, that until recently i felt 'subjected' to this dysregulation, i was overwhelmed and possesed by it, almost like my body was a tool by what i called "my dark brain". It took over. And now, thanks to you, and my burnout saying ENOUGH, it feels really GOOD to be on a path to own all of it up again, it's intense and heartbreaking and NOT EASY or a given, but i do feel happy to be me, find my voice again, it's never too late, people! Forgive yourself for having let yourself down, and be happy to reconnect with yourself.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын

Well said! -Cara@TeamFairy

@mn_ice 3 жыл бұрын

I often retreat to my room and lock the door when other people are yelling. I’m not intending to “give the silent treatment” and I’m pretty sure everyone knows why I’m upset, but I’m not willing to allow others to scream at me. I also sometimes retreat when we have gone in circles a hundred times and I’m just so exhausted and we need to just “agree to disagree” (in my opinion) but they are usually not ok with agreeing to disagree.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Leaving the situation because it is going nowhere is a good idea, doesn't qualify as "silent treatment" which is not communicated as taking space. -Cara@TeamFairy

@tariqahmed7244 3 жыл бұрын

It's best to go no contact after an exit plan in place . For your peace of mind else will be stuck up for them the whole life . No need to disclose anything just one fine day walk to a grocery store and judt disapear for entire life . These r people with no emotions . All bully Just calm down and leave them . Thinking they passed away in covid .

@amber40494 2 жыл бұрын

@@tariqahmed7244 but then they'll call the police and say you're missing.

@panther105 3 жыл бұрын

Got the silent treatment sometimes in my childhood from my parents. Devastating.....

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Glad you're here!

@zoe-hp2be 3 жыл бұрын

I often get extremely defensive whenever I am confronted with anything at all by anyone. I always try to have the best intentions with other people so its painful when I am confronted by it. However, since going through a similar experience of loosing someone I love because of my own manipulative/ damaging behaviour. I realised that just because I feel hurt and Im not trying to hurt people doesn't make it any less manipulative or damaging to other people. I lack communication skills and completely panic when anything is addressed so it's like my brain shuts down and I go silent aka the silent treatment. I am not trying to punish the person at all. I am trying to stay away because that voice inside my head always tells me thats the best thing to do. Since it triggers my abandonment issues. Its difficult to explain and gain understanding because this is really unfair way to react to someone who wants my understanding/ accountability. I am feeling a lot of guilt/ shame/ regret for being in pain and passing that on to other people that I truly love. I also go silent if I am hurt by something someone does to me. Instead of going to the person i just disappear from their life so Im working on that too. For a long time i used to blame everyone else for my relationship/ friendship issues but now I realise its me all along who is the toxic person! Im just lucky I am not blind to it anymore and I can work on it. Thank you so much Im so happy I found your videos. I really lost hope when these first realisations happened.

@tiepolo100 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, I have a tendency to withdraw, often this is with friends. My triggers are 'exclusion' if I don't get invited to something I back off. Partly I do it for the reason you describe, Anna, rather that confront people with tears, anger, a dramatic meltdown. But I have lost a lot of friends this way and, ironically, I feel very alone and very isolated.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

I hope you find some solace in this community! -Cara@ Team Fairy

@tiepolo100 3 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I am finding it enormously useful Anna. I just regret wasting so much of my life getting triggered and engaging in this unhelpful behaviour.

@moonpleiades99 3 жыл бұрын

You may have been right to back off in this case. If you keep not getting invited to stuff or being excluded, it's time to let these people go and focus ahead to better terrain, people you do connect with who want to include you. You are worthy of this.

@connie10000 Жыл бұрын

@@moonpleiades99 Amen Sister

@connie10000 Жыл бұрын

I totally agree with Moon's comment. This is when I journal to God and seek His Guidance/ Holy Spirit Whispers as whether to continue the relationship or Let It Go and know a better one is waiting to enter your life🥰

@mouette79 2 жыл бұрын

O.M.G. this line " "Punish them, let me show them how it feels!! they'll feel sorry" THAT'S THE TRAUMA TALKING!!" .... and how we are at our worst behaviour when dysregulated... I haven't taken a course yet, but filling my notebook with your videos, my own introspection... I have even come out and apologized and recognized out loud my past toxicity and the impact on my close relatives and friends... it's like being possessed by a demon really. But back to this quote up there? what a breakthrough, feelign seen and called out, and realizing what was really going on inside of me. I am floored and grateful by the simple statement of where it all came from, really. I am so so very glad to have found you and your channel, I can't wait for the next plateau of actually connecting better and loving again but there is still quite a journey I think :,)

@RobinHerzig 2 жыл бұрын

That “I'll show you” was my default internal reaction growing up. It made me act out, run away or plan suicide(s). Just realized now that was me just wanting to hurt them back, maybe even more than I wanted to get away, feel better and/or protect myself. Wow

@wholeartedly_studio6723 3 жыл бұрын

Searingly honest letter which shows real self-awareness. I think it can be useful to remember that, at times, we all feel 'broken, messy or damaged goods'. I think it's a part of the human condition - we just think everyone else has their 'stuff' together, and it's just us that hasn't. The truth is, these feelings are much more universal than we might think.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

@jenncorleone630 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you. Perfect timing. I’m currently without a home (18 months now), 5 weeks into CPT, topical chemo for precancer, unmanageable ADHD, my daughter “took a break from me” in November. I’m seeking support from an acute care social rehab facility bc I’m exhausted and need help. In the past, they have seen my disregulation as bad behavior, even when I’m screaming’these are symptoms!’ They only hear screaming. Now that I’m faced with needing their support, my inclination is to ‘not say anything...’ I’ve only been to the referring crisis agency once and witnessed a violent assault while there so I’m already triggered just thinking about asking for help. I can’t white knuckle this anymore. Thank you for your candor.✨✌🏽♥️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

So glad you are in the community! -Cara@TeamFairy

@tracyzimmerman7912 3 жыл бұрын

The one thing you don't share about shame is that it also comes from things happing to you. Let's uses sexual abuse for instance. This is shame because you feel like you did something wrong. You feel dirty and bad. Guilt you did something bad. Shame is you are bad. Shame causes you to hide. The example I used is a real one for me. I dealt with more than this in my childhood. Now about this subject. I have a problem with being passive aggressive. Being silent kept me safe as a child... Stay under the radar. I gain a lot of reasons to stay silent.

@superhornyalien 3 жыл бұрын

I can relate and I run from confrontation. Sometimes I can’t run.

@BEAUTYnIQ 3 жыл бұрын

sorry that happened to you .. but .. youre an Adult now .. and responsible for all you do no matter what happened to you in the past .. I could giv you a grocery list of things that happened to me .. but once I turned 18 .. I was freeeeee however ! Everything I did from then on was MY Responsibility .. gl !

@rocksannmccarron6302 3 жыл бұрын

@@BEAUTYnIQ trama based reaction thinking is not beholder fault. Trying to find a safe person to help heal can be a challenge...crappy childhood fair on you tube shares lots of healing actions ..so worth it. Joy practitioner on fb also helps move others forward.

@angeliquecappelli9534 3 жыл бұрын

Silence is Golden

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

@Tracy_Zimmerman: we see the solution as the same for all trama - hope you find it helpful kzfaq.info/get/bejne/abSPp5OLuNzSj40.html -Cara@TeamFairy

@bokiii6629 Жыл бұрын

I've just got been diagnosed with cptsd. About 1 week back. And even though these videos have been a big help. All this information can be overwhelming too. But 8 out of 10 things are true about me. Shit... I cannot believe I'm 47 years. And did not know any of this. It's stressful as well as relief at the same time. I always knew I was different from others. But could never understand how. Now I know exactly how.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын

So glad you found the channel! -Cara@TeamFairy

@gracehill7204 3 жыл бұрын

I grew up with the silent treatment from mother. As a young teenager we didn’t speak to one another for months. I finally asked her for a truce. Years latter I married a man who used the silent treatment too. I’d fake illness to get him back to “normal”. In my latter years I stopped the manipulation

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

How great you were able to identify where you kept yourself stuck! Thanks for sharing! -Cara@TeamFairy

@chrisreilly336 3 жыл бұрын

Yes dogs and my horse. So much easier to love than people.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Animals really have the power to connect so many of us, glad that you have that -Cara@TeamFairy

@dpops 3 жыл бұрын

My ex and I both have cptsd and she hasn't responded to any of my attempts to reconcile. It feels like both of the worst aspects of abandonment fears and silent treatment coming together, but it's good to know that it's coming from a place of trauma for both of us. Neither of us are trying to hurt the other.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

CPTSD is never personal, hard to get but so important! Cara@Team Fairy

@destyniiskywalker 3 жыл бұрын

The opposite of silent treatment is harassment. Some people think they are entitled to you 24/7, will not stop calling/texting and expect immediate replies even when i've stated a million times i'm busy. So no thanks, i'm not a slave to my phone. If they want to interpret my lack of immediate response as silent treatment that's their problem.

@lorilarsen7268 3 жыл бұрын

I can relate!

@destyniiskywalker 3 жыл бұрын

@@meeperbird My love language IS quality time, so that argument doesn't apply. Quality time =/= harassment.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Definitely not endorsing harassment! Take care of yourself always! -Cara@TeamFairy

@Nepthu 3 жыл бұрын

What I hate about cell phones is how relatives think I owe them 24 hour access to my whereabouts. I'm a middle aged adult, not a teenager.

@uppitybee898 2 жыл бұрын

My neighbor was like that always inviting me over every day and she even came over and took my dog to her house so I would come over. I have tried to be polite and patient by telling her I’m busy right now but she seems impatient and I think she’s lonely. When she took my dog off my porch that irritated me so when I went to get my pet back I talked about Jesus the entire time and now she gives me the silent treatment. Praise Jesus high five!

@spiritosa0123 3 жыл бұрын

I was ghosted by my best friend. Talk about the silent treatment! I know it is not exactly the same. The shame spiral... now three years after this happened, is finally lessening. I work hard to stay only in the present. But wow, talk about rejection and fear of abandonment coming to its highest fruition. Since watching these videos I realize (well I knew but I wasn't sure what I could do) I realized that I kept this person in my life, and OTHERS, far longer than I should have. The red flags were there. I am now in the isolation phase I admit. I hope I will grow beyond this and also get some super people in my life too. PS I love the "tools" It has inspired me to find a comfy blanket for the living room that will help me "self hug" since I lack people touch. Great stuff Anna !!!

@tashka8849 3 жыл бұрын

I just want to comment and say that I know exactly how you feel; in fact, going through a very intense spiritual journey the past 4 months, I realized this ghosting/abandonment issue is the part I needed to heal the most. I stumbled upon a post regarding ghosting- that ghosting has really nothing to do with our worthiness and everything to do with the other parties own unhealed wounds and lack of emotional maturity. This personally gave me a completely different perspective on all of my experiences. Its definitely still a painful topic, but it shows how deeply wounded our society is these days 💔

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@ali-Q-808 3 жыл бұрын

I feel the same. I have no friends although like you I hope to grow and also gain some super people in my life. Have a good sunday. Ali

@navilgonzalez4013 3 жыл бұрын

@@tashka8849 couldn’t have said it better! ❤️❤️❤️👌

@1991windsor 3 жыл бұрын

Boy, I honestly thought only narcissists and borderlines gave a true silent treatment. Talk about painful.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Very painful, as all untreated fear based behaviors are! Cara@Team Fairy

@jlynnmenzel 3 жыл бұрын

@@TerriMagoo it can be used as an abuse tactic, but some people use it to protect those they love. With maturity and effort, people with CPTSD (complex PTSD) can learn to not lash out when feeling afraid and instead of the silent treatment they can establish with a party that they aren’t feeling balanced and need some time to recenter. If there are helpful things that a partner can do for support, they can be mentioned. But many times people with CPTSD don’t want to burden anyone when they are feeling threatened and triggered. It’s a delicate balance. All narcs and BPD have suffered trauma, so again, trauma symptoms live on a scale like the others. Some are more evolved and mature in handling their triggers than others may be.

@mayhorse66 3 жыл бұрын

@@TerriMagoo not necessarily. I had a volatile relationship with my Mother who i thought was a narcissist but actually 12 years later i don't think she is. I realised in have CPTSD which i carried in to my first marriage which of course failed. Rushed in to a second marriage to someone abusive and controlling and after walking out of that one i fell for an alcoholic and had another 6 years of hell. It was a rollercoaster ride I couldn't get off. I wasn't self aware, i've had to learn that through reliasing there was a pattern and seeking counselling. Can you imagine what i was putting my poor mum through? She didn't have a clue what CPTSD was and not taking any accountability for my childhood; she blamed me and constantly critisced; she turned other family members against me. In the end I stonewalled. We had 10 years of no contact. In that time i got help and healed and so did she. We are now rebuilding our relationship. It takes two to have a successful relationship - no one person is perfect.

@bbilgers8686 3 жыл бұрын

People who struggle to process and communicate give what seems like the silent treatment.

@maryt7959 3 жыл бұрын

Silent treatment is emotional and psychological abuse .

@boutrosnen6471 3 жыл бұрын

Crappy Childhood Fairy has such a beautiful soul and is really calming

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

@7lamb 3 жыл бұрын

agreed!!

@mopbrothers 3 жыл бұрын

I’ve always wondered why people suggest writing your feelings out on paper. I might start a diary.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

We have found it to be an amazing experience! -Cara@Team Fairy

@FirehorseG 3 жыл бұрын

Please try it with purpose. I always poo pooed it... But, after a type of emotional breakdown coming to a head of decades of CPTSD, this channel, this woman helped me to overcome the trauma... Finally a workable solution to my horrific years of self torture.... I'm finally free for the first time in my life. Do it now..... This lady/channel has helped me with every issue I had like no other therapists, books, friends, partners ever had. Love her. She knows how to move forward practically ..(tools) & not look back. Live, don't just survive. It's been life changing for me.

@ali-Q-808 3 жыл бұрын

@@FirehorseG wow.... so encouraging. I want to feel like you. -Ali

@SkyePhoenix 3 жыл бұрын

Writing down what I'm thinking and feeling has really helped me a lot.

@lindz758 3 жыл бұрын

Since coming across your channel less than a week ago I have learned more about myself than I did in many previous therapy sessions. I can so relate to Bob in this letter, my boyfriend of 6 years hasn't left me yet but is not sure he can continue with the relationship due to my dysregulated behavior and the damage it has done to trust and connection. I am trying to not beat myself up but its hard because shame and self hatred is my default. Now I am struggling with intense fears of rejection and abandonment. Thank you for this video I so needed to hear it right now.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

We hope you find some tools that help you in this community -Cara@TeamFairy

@andrewjohnson6716 3 жыл бұрын

It might or might not be true that the silent treatment is as bad as blowing up. But the feeling, true or not, is that the silent treatment can be controlled. Whereas blowing up feels like losing all control. Once that lid blows off it can’t be put back in until the pressure has expended itself.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Understood, hopefully all of us with CPTSD make the progress we need towards honest and sane communication -Cara@Team Fairy

@debschroeder7637 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, that's how I feel.

@lonestar4938 3 жыл бұрын

Just weighing in from experience with receiving both. Either is harmful if handled poorly. Blowing up, can lead to saying things, either unmeant or in a hurtful way, which you will need to track and address if you want the relationship to be one of mutual support and transparency. Given the channel, I'm assuming we do haha Giving the silent treatment usually starts with some form of partial signal and then nothing. The receiver is then left in a vacuum of information. "Nature abhors a vacuum", and so do emotions. Either way leaves wounds that need healed for the relationship to continue to grow. The advantage of the blow up method, is that you know which wounds were created. You were there. You might be surprised by which are deeper than others, but you won't be surprised by the wounds. If you've shoved them into an emotional vacuum for xx amount of time, you don't get to see what the wounds are. Maybe you address all of them when you are ready to end the silent treatment, but the odds are better that you don't even know what hurts they've suffered. Every relationship is made up of two imperfect people rubbing old wounds together, so which method works best is probably case by case. Those are just the dangers on the road I've seen.

@oliviajae298 3 жыл бұрын

My mother confused the hell out of me. Now I pick partners who are like her. 😩

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, really great that you can see a bit you are picking people who don't make you feel good! You can get free of that though, I did! These courses can really help. -Cara@TeamFairy

@SkyePhoenix 3 жыл бұрын

Same

@cfjohnson7369 3 жыл бұрын

As the youngest child (by seven years) I found the silent treatment an effective weapon. It is difficult to give up something that feels like it gives so much control.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

A very astute point! Healing is not an overnight matter! Cara@Team Fairy

@EvolvementEras 3 жыл бұрын

This is actually quite relevant to us situation I am in with my son. I am 45 and have CPTSD and due to a time I was away my children lived with her father and her stepmother. During that time their father and stepmother did traumatize them and now my son displays all the markers of having CPTSD but is just so resistant on getting any help and is in an internal negative loop of depression, negative self image and low self esteem. I’ve been trying to teach him how to drive and he had a horrible meltdown started yelling at me pulled over to the side of the road got out of the car and started walking on the highway. I brought him back to his house and have barely spoken to him since I don’t know what to say that won’t be reactive from my trauma without making the situation worse for him because he also has the same condition. After watching your video I’m gonna take some more time and then reach out to him calmly and hopefully it’ll open up communication. Thank you so much for your videos ❤️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Try this practice, it will help you help him bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy

@neweverymorningmercy3491 3 жыл бұрын

You know a lot about this stuff. You have an amazing way of getting the point across in such a kind, effective way.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!

@stellabandante2727 2 жыл бұрын

Anna, you are so wise, compassionate, and down to earth. Your work is a gift. Truly. Thank you. I have heard that stonewalling is one of the cruelest forms of emotional abuse. What you imply when you refuse to respond is that the other person just doesn't exist. It suggests contempt and dismissal, which is indeed akin to violence, especially towards a "loved one". It is the opposite of loving.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for listening! -Cara@TeamFairy

@tracykatrinaobrien6998 3 жыл бұрын

You are most certainly a gift from God Anna.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for being here!

@beththordsen 9 ай бұрын

Thank you ❤ I felt like the other advice I've found has described the silent treatment as "toxic" and "narcissistic" behavior. I was feeling really crappy about myself, but I feel like you shed some compassion on the subject from a different point of view. I appreciate it so much

@jak9934 3 жыл бұрын

What a wonderfully honest and self reflective letter from Bob. Thank you Bob, that took courage and your letter will help others. Yes shutting down for someone with cptsd is an adaptive coping mechanism when feeling stressed or overwhelmed and the tools mentioned here are great, thank you Anna. What I would add though is that while responsibility for learning different strategies is necessary by the one shutting down, there are of course two people in a relationship. Sometimes I feel listening to these videos that the person with cptsd is given all the weight and accountability to carry for outcomes such as these, when the behaviour of the other person in the relationship also plays a factor in this dynamic. For example, do they approach their partner with a softened start up, refraining from harsh criticism or shouting? All things which can be triggers for someone with cptsd. Are they coming from a place of love? A conflict resolution scenario involves the work of two people not one, including the negotiation together of what reassurance looks like for each other at these challenging times.

@caffeinejones3513 3 жыл бұрын

This helps me understand why my dear friend of 20 years has been giving me the silent treatment for 2 months since I gently reminded her of a boundary and asked for communication about it. It doesn't help me figure out how to respond. I'm just waiting for her to move out because I feel she is throwing away our friendship. If all I say is "hi" she gets flustered and runs to her room.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

I'm glad it served to give you a bit more insight! -Cara@ Team Fairy

@ambientmix1609 3 жыл бұрын

I needed to hear this. I also struggle with using the silent treatment against loved ones and it always feels like it’s out of my control in the moment. I feel so ashamed afterward. Anna, thank you for giving me strategies to start dealing with this.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

You're welcome, glad you are here!

@sonnisaenz1952 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for all that you do! I really appreciate you.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome

@loristromski1334 Жыл бұрын

Yes, yes, I am not allowed to have feelings or needs !

@dw1-norskgaming923 3 жыл бұрын

1st letter: Great letter. Good questions. It is very difficult to change something like that, because the rejections from childhood is there in the base of everything.. But, You are on the right path! Thank You for sharing this.

@liznorth4028 3 жыл бұрын

I agree!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Difficult yes, and well worth the work! Cara@TeamFairy

@q2_20 3 жыл бұрын

I am grateful for your direct and compassionate guidance! Thank you so much: my world has expanded :)

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

That's wonderful to hear. I'm glad you're here!

@looking4things669 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for all your hard work and for sharing your gifts without a co-payment. I am very happy I found your videos! xo

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!

@dianaslade9595 Жыл бұрын

When someone gives me the silent treatment, it triggers something in me that makes me feel like im dying. It's very cruel.

@cawi8450 3 жыл бұрын

😔I‘m doing the silent treatment every time, i feel offended, instead of searching the clear communication .

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Glad you found the community! Cara@TeamFairy

@meeperbird 3 жыл бұрын

For a Words person, keeping angry thoughts to yourself is enormously compassionate. Silence and space makes a Time person bleed, but angry words are a thousand times more destructive to a Words person than silence. I know this video isn’t so much about time out as it is about shutting down, and learning how not to need to shut down, but your opening statement about which is worse, to a Words person, is angry words. I’d much rather someone disappear for 3 days than spew venom.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

I understand what you mean :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@Thestephouse1 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you bob n fairy....so brave ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

And thank you!

@adrianacowart 3 жыл бұрын

I can not tell you enough how grateful I am for your videos. I never even realised that my coping skills were all bonkers and bad for relationships. I thought most people are just like me. This helps so much

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

This is a common fear; CCF urges you to try the Daily Practice for fears and resentments bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy

@jennysertich4054 3 жыл бұрын

Another brilliant video. Thank you so much for the information you provide.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Glad you enjoyed it!

@mayhorse66 3 жыл бұрын

I just ended the silent treatment with my daughter because of this video. I was so angry and upset i couldn't speak as i knew i'd say thing's i'd regret. I've told her i need time and space to process my thoughts and feelings. She respected that so i assume that's better than me stonewalling her.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely! Great work! -Cara@TeamFairy

@tariqahmed7244 2 жыл бұрын

With due respect sir it's better not to get angry in first place . Plz do xome meditation to calm down anger .

@kayjohns7936 Жыл бұрын

@@tariqahmed7244, please don't tell others how to feel. They feel what they feel.

@brightphoebus 2 жыл бұрын

I can't believe how spot on the things you say are. I must be a member of the intended audience. I didn't know I'd had trauma in my childhood. It must be really spread out, but I can see it when I look more closely. A lot of little things that add up to a big thing. Thee WAS abandonment, there was bullying, there were put downs, shaming, neglect, and stonewalling... I knew I had self esteem issues, and I knew where it came from, but I didn't know it was that bad.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын

Being treated with contempt (with or without physical abuse) can do an incredible number on the child's developing brain -Cara@TeamFairy

@nd612 3 жыл бұрын

My husband has the same problem. I think some people have it in their genes to not get well on purpose. They work hard on creating a distorted reality and here we find they can't stop abusing people. They make everything difficult for people in their lives. He wasn't just an emotional child but had a deemed feeling for self destruction. They should not always blame who abused them once they get older but to help themselves and they say that they didn't know. They didn't want to know.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Some struggle more than others, we just try to keep the focus on ourselves :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@moonpleiades99 3 жыл бұрын

The key is letting them know you are talking a break or need a break, that is if they are people that deserve to be in your life and who you still want to keep in your life.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Good communication is a great start! -Cara@TeamFairy

@angeliquecappelli9534 3 жыл бұрын

Anna, so well spoken!!! you understand and never trigger me. Every good and perfect 'gift' is from above. Thank you for giving your time for others!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

thank you for the kind words!

@angeliquecappelli9534 3 жыл бұрын

My sheep hear my voice says Jesus. Lol Anna

@toniemcfadden296 3 жыл бұрын

Ive recognize that break is highly needed to gather my thought's...it feels good to finally have somebody understand ...thank you !!!! I need your talk's..

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Happy to help!

@p.s.5416 2 жыл бұрын

I’m glad I found this information. I’ve been struggling to figure out my behaviors. Everything you talk about hits home for me. I’m thankful to understand what’s going on with me and to be able to put a name to it. Cptsd sums it all up into one for me. It’s some peace of mind and a place to go from. Thank you 🙏

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for being here! -Cara@TeamFairy

@susanadams3874 2 жыл бұрын

This is such helpful advice. I have alienated two 'friends' who assume they can talk endlessly about their issues/problems/family news. On a few occasions, I've exploded in frustration when I have not been 'allowed' to speak/interrupt. I've been labelled as having a 'hair-trigger temper'. That may be true but I've felt so helpless to know how to butt in before!! I feel totally overwhelmed. Have chosen to distance myself from these two people since they seem unwilling to give me space. I realize I am 'triggered' when I feel like the Child who had to remain silent 'or else'. Your support in finding a real, solid way of dealing with emotional overwhelm is just what I've needed. Request a break for a specific time. Wash my hands. Hug myself. Wow!! This is so helpful. Thank you so much!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын

I'm glad the suggestions are a comfort :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@mzmolly4898 2 жыл бұрын

I also find it helps if I tell the other person, "I'm struggling right now and want to collect my thoughts so I don't say something I'll regret. I am NOT avoiding this conversation, but I'm going to go for a walk and I will be back in x (insert time usually half hour or 1 hour max.) to have the conversation." I go for a walk and calm down, think about why I'm upset or triggered and come back. Usually I'm able to explain why I was upset or triggered, and have the conversation in a mature way.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын

Excellent.

@Raminakai 2 жыл бұрын

I believe that for those of us with autistic like tendencies, sometimes some longer breaks help us to process. I never intent to hurt someone else, but I have a need to figure out what is going on- since I had so much manipulation in my childhood. I usually sort through it through writing and prayer and figure it out. Then, I can either come back to the relationship or decide that I need to make some changes in how I show up.

@libbylandscape3560 3 жыл бұрын

Wow. Best advice I’ve heard yet. Thank you. ❤️❤️❤️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@pt8421 3 жыл бұрын

Taking a walk is also helpful. Dancing is even better. I don’t know if Bob can be more adventurous to learning to dance. Movement is good when we feel disregulated. Better yet, just make any silly movements. Play a good song and go for it. You don’t need training to move your body! You will feel better afterwards.

@spiritosa0123 3 жыл бұрын

I do that! I will break out into a crazy dance.....make myself laugh.

@pt8421 3 жыл бұрын

spiritosa0123 Haha! Go for it! :-)

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

@deanarjones9114 3 жыл бұрын

P T thank you for that suggestion. It really connected for me

@pt8421 3 жыл бұрын

Deana DeWeese It really delights me to hear you say that! I’m glad it connects with you.

@zoeystarlight613 3 жыл бұрын

What about giving the silent treatment to avoid a highly narcissistic family, going "no contact" as they call it. That's what I've been doing to try so hard to heal from years and years of emotional abuse. I have no energy in my spirit to engage with them yet i know I"m hurting them by not speaking to them. It's awful. I don't miss my siblings nor my mother but I do miss my nieces and nephews who are innocent in all of this. I send them holiday cards and little treats to let them know that I"m thinking about them and that I love them but I"m sure this confuses them. In the meantime I get calls and texts from my mother shaming me and telling me my behavior is unacceptable blah blah. I find myself not even listening to her voicemails for months at a time because I can't deal with the pain.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

All cases are different, the thing that is the same is we need a practice to deal with the pain. We recommend this: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/abSPp5OLuNzSj40.html -Cara@TeamFairy

@teresareid5034 3 жыл бұрын

Zoey starlight I learnt in my therapy that we don’t deserve to be treated the way your mother is treating you even if they are family it doesn’t give them the right to be nasty to us even if they are blood I was told it’s ok to move yourself away from toxic people until they decide to treat us better your change there ways don’t feel guilty your doing the right thing and sending your niece and Nephew stuff it so kind and they will remember this your mother is not facing up to the way she has treated you and trying to past her issue over to you until she faces her issuer the best thing for you is to stay away it’s not giving them the silent treatment it’s protecting yourself from further abuse which we all have a right to do x

@zoeystarlight613 3 жыл бұрын

@@teresareid5034 Thank you for your words of encouragement. I'm truly grateful! xo

@zoeystarlight613 3 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I will look at it right now. Thank you so much!

@teresareid5034 3 жыл бұрын

@@zoeystarlight613 your welcome I’ve learnt this past 2 years I would just be quite when my mother said nasty things in the past and just take it even my older children have tried to control me my therapy taught me it doesn’t matter if these people are your family don’t put up with it I just thought I had to because family was important to me but threat was due to my non self worth as a child being brought up this way and now I realise I’m still human I’m still a person I maybe there daughter of mother but I still deserve respect and if they can’t do that then please stay out of my life until you learn to respect my wishes it’s called boundaries and self worth ❤️🙏🏻

@cristinaevans139 Жыл бұрын

This is a really great one Anna I rage or go silent don’t trust anyone I’m working on it I don’t want to hurt anyone thanks for making things clear❤

@Julie-jf4zm 3 жыл бұрын

This is very useful! Thank you so much!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@liznorth4028 3 жыл бұрын

I appreciate the genuine question...i, for one, can identify with the pain.. The questioner lost mom at such a young age! 😰 I'm glad we are here and hope we support each other as we press through (thanking God for Anna!)

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!!

@dollymadison2397 3 жыл бұрын

WOW!! What a LETTER! What COURAGE BOB!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

@wonderfulwenna2710 3 жыл бұрын

So glad to find this awesome channel.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Welcome aboard!

@maxmay6402 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for you're work. Love this.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Glad you enjoy it!

@helpyourcattodrive 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, I understand. I did massive amounts of yoga to gain objectivity. And to not flip out on people places and things. It worked for the most part. And your course sounds great. I will do it pretty soon.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Perfect!

@rxbeckett 9 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for this video Anna. I've been gradually coming to terms with the loss of my sister relationship, whom I've always struggled with codependency towards, after taking the risk to express genuine hurt by a mistake she made. We both suffer from CPTSD and I realised quickly that it must have slashed open her shame wounds, but it was the final straw for me attempting to have an equal-footed relationship with her in which I can be authentic, honest and vulnerable. "The silent treatment is just as aggressive as yelling" has almost become a grounding mantra for me when I find myself getting dysregulated and ashamed for being treated as though I do not even exist for trying to share pain and ask for some understanding and compassion. It really did drive me crazy for many weeks, but I've finally decided to meet her where she's at (not with blocking or deliberate silence), but just detaching and moving on. Thanks again.

@Bryan-mh6fx Жыл бұрын

Thanks Anna you are the best teacher speaker so glad I discovered your channel. Bryan P.🌞😊

@tewwonwonii8462 Жыл бұрын

11:10. You take it to the paper. Excellent.

@loisbo3950 2 жыл бұрын

I never felt I could speak out, but now I know I need to be honest about my feelings and I deserve it say my mind

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын

That's right! -Cara@TeamFairy

@mysticsnow9430 3 жыл бұрын

Tysm for this informational video! It came at the right time, because I did the silent treatment on someone today.. Let's heal!

@Sinsearach 3 жыл бұрын

Same. Its funny how help can appear just when you need it most

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

@mystic_deal: let the healing begin! Cara@TeamFairy

@davidographicsguy 2 жыл бұрын

Wow! This is so good! Thank you!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын

Glad you like it! -Cara@TeamFairy

@maryracine3389 Жыл бұрын

Do the “Cha-cha-Cha” Dance to help get yourself back grounded.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын

Love that! -Cara@TeamFairy

@Yesofficer3359 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for these sessions .I am literally felt blessed for this.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for watching. Glad you are here and enjoying Anna's sessions! Nika@TeamFairy

@charityhouze647 Жыл бұрын

This is great information

@ruthe6017 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for this

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

My pleasure!

@theseriallearner Жыл бұрын

Great video

@plssmorii1165 Жыл бұрын

i still do this and my partner recently told me that he hates when i do this i want to do better so i’m here, thank you

@mandolaa4855 3 жыл бұрын

I did the silent treatment to my mum after all these years of her not listening to my needs as a child and teenager and early 20's. I told her about things that I didn't take from her and I was always there for her and she's ungrateful. I wanted actually to lash out my anger but I never did that to her, I regret that I didn't say anything, I just end the relationship. My mind told me that she wouldn't listen or she would say that all of that I felt or see about her was misinterpreted. She's unconscious about some things and she's struggling admit some things that's why i find it useless to prove my point anymore

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

It's pretty key that we realize we can heal without ever getting the acknowledgment we want or think we need. Other than Hollywood, it is very rare to get that apology or validation prior to healing, but strangely, not as uncommon once we are free from needing it. -Cara@TeamFairy

@BreatheWithDinoo 2 жыл бұрын

I just took a break and happy to hear it’s a wise move

@J0ELLEx 3 жыл бұрын

This is a great video title. I may or may not have CPTSD. I don't think I do, even if my childhood has affected me and a child from my same household was diagnosed, i don't think it's to the extent of CPTSD. Still, I find your videos so so helpful and informative, because they really are great for anyone who's needs weren't fully met as kids! And I would think that's most of us, which is why I wish your video titles were more often like this one, because they don't just apply to CPTSD!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

I appreciate that you like them and they are helping :)

@dianabowen4614 2 жыл бұрын

It works !!!!x thanks Anna

@barbaraguttman7422 11 ай бұрын

Your videos are so helpful! I have been following you for 2 years now and have learned so much. It helps me undesrtand and I am not alone any more. Thank you for your fantastic work and for explaining so deeply the CPTSD. Please continue making the videos.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 11 ай бұрын

Wow, I'm so happy to hear that! Thank you for your kind words, I'll make sure Anna reads this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@barbaraguttman7422 11 ай бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy hugs to Anna and you from Hungary

@rebeccabrear4456 3 жыл бұрын

This is some great advice! Tfs

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@SailorGreenTea Жыл бұрын

0:53, significant phrase.

@terrylaguardia6838 3 жыл бұрын

After decades of putting in effort towards mutual hope in my relationships I learned the hard way not to deplete my energy anymore. Recently there was a second when I realized I was being covertly emotionally abused in a conversation that was actually passive aggressive; something in my body made me shut down and simply stand up and literally walk away. If I could have thought it over just a split second I would have communicated let’s please talk about this later because I need a moment with myself, but I didn’t. I saw no other moment, nothing. And so because I walked away we never communicated again. The side of me that would like to heal the other wounded person beside me regrets what I did, but there’s another side that feels that was the only way I had at that moment to stop trying to understand others and start healing myself. Otherwise maybe I’d be depleting myself again. In a way I feel I dodged a bullet.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын

You describe very well what it's like. The tips I teach offer a choice in those moments -- in many cases, calm communication can save a relatioship and turn it in a better direction. It's a choice that's good to have.