My mother has A LOT of money in the millions! She has controlled me with it hanging an inheritance over my head. My mental health was more important to me than having money. I have learned by watching her that money will not bring you happiness! I would much rather have mental health and peace in my life than money. I am a beautiful grey rock.

I went no contact with my family and I feel 100% fine with it

Estrangement saved me! My mental health is much more important than a toxic relationship with my family. I gave so much and got nothing!

The narc never offers resolution or closure.

My answer to that : I could not choose my family. I put myself my life first. If someone openly judge me or insult me over cutting my family off. I cut that person off too. Stand in your truth people!☺

one thing you said sparked in me...when I am not around my narcissistic family members that horrible knot in my stomach is absent...I have to remind myself that feeling peace without them isn't a bad thing or something I should feel guilty for. Thanks for the video

Nobody has ever validated me like this before. Thank you 😊

Estrangement is a way of life in some families

I literally feel like she is talking directly to me about my life. Wow.

Sounds a lot like me. I grew up in a narcissistic household, and once I realized how bad it was I felt like I had no choice but to cut them off. If I didn't do that I would probably be dead. I wanna live.

The hardest thing to accept about Narcs is that they don't change. That knowledge has shocked me but it's necessary to let go of the hope that they will.

I am so glad I found you Dr. Ramani. I went no contact from my covert Narcissistic Mom in February 2020. I am the scapegoat and since childhood I have endured so much stress and turmoil as a result her of her presence in my life. This time she was attempting to hurt me through my 7yr old daughter. When I stood up for myself and called out her toxic behavior, it challened her "control" over me and she lashed out. No one around me understands narcissism and I'm continuously made to feel like I'm overreacting and should always bend to her will because she my mother. They are not the ones crying or in mental anguish from her abuse though, I AM! Please understand that toxic is toxic and abuse is abuse regardless of who inflicts it. No one is owed a place in your life including family. Don't continue to subject yourself to damage out of obligation because it's your parent. Know that you have a choice and sometimes a narcissistic parent needs to be removed from your life in order for you to fully heal and move forward.

I'd rather be a alone sometimes than be around people that don't bring me happy feelings.

I was raised in a dysfunctional family with narcissistic dynamics. I was stretched in all directions to pander to their games. My parents were overbearing, emotionally detached and controlled everything. I was not allowed to make any decisions, including marriage. They manipulated me into getting married into an equally dysfunctional family and I ended up with a narcissistic husband, who figured out I was the family scapegoat. When I was subjected to his abuses, my parents turned a deaf ear and a blind eye. I was trapped in this nightmarish saga and there was no respite. Eventually, I cut everyone from my family off. Have been estranged from them for over 10 years. My Narc husband took advantage of my self imposed isolation and orchestrated my character assassination through smear campaigning and estranged me from everyone in his family. He managed to brainwash our adult daughter too. And proceeded to discard me. I’m literally alone at the moment, but strangely, I’m in a better place now than I have ever been in over 50 years.

I had no idea i was married to a narcissist for 20 years before I realized it. I stayed for an additional 7 years "for the sake of the kids" Big mistake. My advice RUN don't walk asap.

Please continue creating content that dissects narcisstic family dynamics. This is exactly what I'm living and trying to heal from.

Oh I know about estrangement!! The key for me is having self love! I have learned to self parent and unconditionally love myself to shield myself from my very narcissistic mother! She no longer has any power over me.

I had my final straw broke with my narc mother when she came to my home the day I found my best friend dead in our kitchen and she felt the need to make it all about her. She still doesn't understand why i went no contact, her pov is I'm just cruel and a bully and taking my aunt's side. On what, neither of us know. I'm sad I can't have a normal relationship with my family, but I'm also happy to be free.

My whole life I felt I deserved this and that I was a bad person. When people you expect to love you unconditionally cut you off so easily it does a mind f..k on you and you never want to get close to anybody because you fear you will just screw up the relationship as always.

Right now there’s a narcissist watching this saying, “I had to go “no contact, they made me do it. I simply cannot deal with them anymore.”

Exactly. I’ve learned not to feel guilty about doing what’s best for my mental health. Thanks Doc.💜✨🧘🏾‍♀️

Dr. Ramani, you said it all. When I finally went no contact I realized. "It is all about control." I have always been free. I AM FREE.

I admire her candid personality. She doesn't mind that her grey roots are showing. She doesn't wear the typical professional attire. But she carries herself in a professional manner.

Mess, too messy and finally got tired of being the scapegoat to there lies and an object of there projections. No contact even though it's so hard, the alternative would be my psychological death. Healing now.🤗

I'm estranged from my narcissistic mother. I told my siblings I wanted to focus on our relationships and that how they manage this lost cause was not my problem anymore. Thankfully my siblings are quite aware of her lies and manipulation and know that I wouldn't accept any flying monkeys. So they respect that. It is really getting better. We went on siblings vacation last year, it was a brisk of air. Only us, talking about us!

This one made me cry. In a good way. Thank you.

I don't care about narcissists and I don't care about those who listen to them. Real friends know who you really are. It's natural to love your parents and want love back but if it hurts, walk away. Soon, it begins to be a distant memory. Be around those who really love you.

Narcissism is not an illness. It is a personality. Most people don't look at it that way.

Ex golden child here. Replaced by ex scapegoat sibling.. but rather have this loneliness anyway.

Estrangement is overwhelming.

For me, I had to give up on a 50 year friendship with a woman I thought was my best friend/like a sister. As we grew older I saw more and more of her difficulties. The last straw for me was when she for the 3td time she "punished me" by cutting off contact because I had accidently said something in our phone conversation that she interpretted as critical/confrontational, which had not been my intent. Being heartbroken for days about "how can someone who is supposed to be my best friend be so judgmental and harsh on me" I started seeking info and found Dr. Ramani. I was then able to connect the dots and understand her illness. I wrote and talked to her expressing that we need to discuss what triggers these reactions from her so we can continue but, of course, have found this is more than she can handle. So, I have comfortably come to understand that I have to let go because unless she can find the strength to get help I can't go back into a relationship that is harmful to me.

Estrangement is the BEST DECISION I ever made in regard to my toxic, narcissistic Mother. Two years no contact now and my life is far better. Just a few days ago one of my Brothers called to say she has breast cancer. I feel for her as a woman and a human being but there is NO going back. I have a lot of emotions about it though sadness and rage for example.

Love your dedication to this community and your abundance of knowledge! Thank you!! 😊 🙏

One other comment about "estrangement." They always told me (those people that sat and judged me for staying away) that someday (after my parent died) I would sorely regret my choice. Oddly enough, I am 60 and it has been years since my mother's death and a couple years since my father died and I do not regret my estrangement. As a matter of fact I think I am thankful that I missed a lot of the horrible drama that went on while I wasn't there. Do I wish things could have been different? Yes. Do I wish I would have done something different? Only that I would have walked away sooner and not stayed so long and let myself be subjected to so many years of pain.

So glad I am done with my crazy, narc, mafia, mad, abusive, Italian family. Done🏃‍♀️

Grieving the loss of my relationships with my 2 adult children due to their father being a narcissist. 😔 I feel this on such a deep level. I’m only 38 and my heart grieves daily. Feeling such a void because of this. 💔

I would love to have mum like dr Ramani😔 with her I would avoid social anxiety never endding depression and OCD.

The biggest narcissist I have to contend with is my mother. I just dont expect anything anymore and keep my distance. The damage between family members has already been done and it's sad. Buy again, I expect nothing emotionally. I still get sad about it though.

I have been estranged from my narcissistic father for almost 20 years. I don't care what he or any other family members have to say on it. There is so much disfunction and I don't want to play. I am not conflicted in any way! It's the best thing I ever did for myself!

“Estrangement can also be a byproduct of control ...”. Nailed it! Except I care a lot less this time round and am deciding if I’m going to sever the ties this time for good because I can’t do this shit anymore. Everything is all good until you break some unwritten “rule” that you were supposed to somehow know would piss them off. Especially when you’ve revealed to them what it is you’re doing and they say they’re “fine with it,” “wish you well,” “understand,” blah, blah, blah. And that’s when you know you’re already screwed. It’s like the silent treatment when you’re a child In that moment when you know it’s going to be god knows how long until they speak to you again and all the things you know you’ll have to go through emotionally to be “allowed” their forgiveness. Ugh.

Im the scapegoat, and I'm estranged from my entire family. I don't know why my siblings and I can't have communication, because they do with each other, but I believe it's due to all the triangulation and lies my narc mom orchestrated. She's terminally ill now and I'm now taking care of her. She's lost a lot of the fuel she once had and has humbled a bit having no power or control in this situation (being under my roof, I'm paying bills, nobody will take care of her etc), but I'll tell you, the narcissism doesn't go away, even when faced with impending death. I've accepted that I'll never have a family, but it doesn't hurt any less than it ever has. I feel like I'm just waiting for her to die so I can finally be free and have a clean slate. It's been such a huge challenge to my Christianity to continue to take care of someone who acts so defiantly evil toward any attempts to share the light of Christ, kindness, compassion, etc. Please pray for me. These kinds of people make it impossible.

Great episode for me, personally. This has been my world. Smear campaigns, all of it. Bingo. Estrangement and no contact (finally set by NM) is actually a relief, probably for us both. It is sad, but it is what it is. It’s better than extreme toxicity and insanity that will never go away. The Narcissist does not get better. They get worse with age. Not saying I’m perfect. I’m easily triggered and provoked into rage by NM’s word salad circular arguments, lies, manipulations, childish snits and tantrums (let alone the build up of lifelong unconscious resentments), thereby proving her claims against me. I’m happier no contact. I think she is, too, to the extent that she can be satisfied with anything. I hope so anyway. I’m not ashamed of estrangement but it’s sad. I have been through pain, guilt, rage, grief. Now, I try to live by the serenity prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for these intelligent, compassionate videos. I know they are helping so many people. I hope you are well and managing ok in this quarantine time. 💕

I was raised by a narcissistic mother, and watching these videos about the family dynamic that I was raised in are honestly very relaxing. It's nice to hear an objective viewpoint breakdown in simple terms, what happened and what I went through, including after I went no contact. Thanks for posting this.

Thank you! I have been estranged for many years from my family. I know I had to do this for my sanity. I counted the cost with so many tears. I felt I had no other choice.

I am the Black Sheep of my “family” which I refer to the entire group as “those people”!! I have always clearly defined those people as my “relatives”!! Both of my biological donors are narcissistic! I would never call them my parents! I am the definition of no-contact estrangement! After 30 years, they still can’t grasp that there is something wrong 🤷🏾‍♀️

My sister (middle/invisible child) and I got into a shouting match at my mom's after Thanksgiving and I haven't spoken to my either my mom or sisters in the past 8 years. I have always been the family scapegoat and this was the time that I took a stand and just wouldn't allow to be bullied any longer, and it cost me a relationship with my family. Its taken me nearly this entire time to come to terms with the estrangement and see that it has mostly benefitted me. Four years ago I attempted to make amends and put it behind me, but my mom thought it would be better to leave me in the past then move past. My eldest sister (golden child) recently reached out to me a few weeks ago, and I've been toying with the idea of reconnecting, but I now realize that it would only put me back into the cycle of being the family scapegoat, and that I'm better off on my own.

I need to become estranged from my own son. I'm finally strong enough to endure the inevitable separation.

I'm happily estranged from BOTH my narcissistic parents who caused me much mental illness over my 40 years before I learned how to cut their cancerous presence out of my life!

I have estranged my narc. It feels great! No drama, no bs.

I have estranged my narcissistic father and it’s great. I haven’t enjoyed life like this in... I can’t even remember the last time

'Sibling estrangement', 'gaslighting', 'flying monkeys', crazy-making', ...'other family members believing the lead narcissist',' ongoing scapegoating',etc...All of this is what I have grown up with my whole life in a family that 'looked like the perfect family'. I moved away almost 4 decades ago, and yet am still 'estranged'. I spoke up about the existence of major family dysfunction and sexual abuse and have been scorned, attacked, shunned and lied about ever since. I learned 'the hard way' that these dynamics will never change. It is not easy to accept these things, but if you grew up similarly, it is VITAL that you accept that your family is sick with this destructive mental virus and there is no vaccine. We must inform ourselves and continue to heal ourselves and in my case, have no contact with, or extremely limited contact, with the narcissist as well as the others who have 'bought into' his narcissistic abuse. Painful stuff to recover from, but we must walk away from these people or will become like them.

Its unbelievable but in almost every video its like, " How did you know?"

As an adopted kid to a wealthy family of Narcissists, she is literally describing my whole life. It all makes sense now.

I was gaslighted as "golden child" given slightly more material things by my parents. (they were overcompensating because they knew they they loved my sisters, and just tolerated me.) Yet I never felt seen, heard and loved. I observed my parents treating my sibings with much more patience, compassion and affection than I received. My parents constantly scrutinized, berated and belittled me verbally, and my father frequently hit me, and pulled my hair. Now that my parents are dead, I always have an impulse to distance myself from my sisters because they learned from my parents to disrespect and devalue me.

So many mind-blown moments with this video... thank you for providing clarity for me concerning my family dynamics & helping me realize that I am not crazy or alone. 🙏🏽

Weaponized estrangement devastated our family for two decades. I used to only see the losses and pain, but now it seems the universe was protecting me. Love and light to all who are suffering from this toxicity.

Wow... I just realized that when considering a partner, one has to consider whether or not they have narcissist family members and how involved they are...

We need a video on shame, I'm having trouble getting rid of it. It's a huge battle just to open the curtains in my house.

I cut off my parents when I left home at 22. I had no understanding of why, but my inner guide was right. I'm now 70 and still learning so much. Thank you Dr.Ramani! The Best.

It used used to make me sick to hear people say to me, you have to love your mom, or you will regret not having a relationship later... No. Just no.

I moved to the other side of the world from my family. I have been healing since I left and I am a much happier person. I only contact them through text every now and then.

Others being judgemental and making invalidating comments can be very emotionally hurtful, as well as diminishing you in the eyes of others. It can be very hard to navigate, especially when still trying to deal with the emotional damage and trying to establish yourself in the world as a good and successful person. I would like to see more advice and help for people who want to be seen as a good and healthy person. It's unfortunate that estrangement gets judged as worse than people putting up with incredibly problematic family dramas!

You literally saved me from a miserable existence when I found your channel. Thank you so much for sharing your content. I absolutely love you!

My narcissistic parent wanted to cut us off when he found a ‘better’ family and he finally got his wish. He left without even giving us his address of phone number. It was the best thing for my siblings and me. He has apparently spent the subsequent fifteen years getting heaps of supply from his new family due to the heartlessness of the children who abandoned HIM! It seems to be working for him.

25 minutes of absolute, succinct wisdom and healing 🙏❤️ Especially the sibling part...wow! My older sibling wants to have my identity.

This is a window into so many families, I realize as I read the comments ! It was ingrained in me that something was wrong with me and i just couldnt get it right , so I "quit" my role in my family two years ago and was cut off. What a relief. No more guessing what I need to do to "measure up." Thank you for talking about this. I am over 50 years old and now my life begins !!

I learned never stay in the same house as them, never carpool with them. It seems all they want is to have you captive for a stretch of time. If you don’t give them that captive audience, just allowing them meetings in public, they won’t try to berate or vilify me. You literally describe my family in the first five minutes of every video. It is mind blowing and finally the confusion is answered. So thank you so very much.

Dr Ramani: Can you talk about a narcissist sibling baiting others to create an atmosphere of conflict and reaction (while the gas lighting narc denies any role in instigating conflict). Also can you talk about competition for attention when neglectful parents play favorites? My sister is a massive narcissist and believes that our relationship and the attention that she desperately needs is a Zero/ Sum Game.... even to this day, as adults. Parents! i've seen first hand from my narcissistic sister that Neglect at a young age, parents playing favorites and a lack of fair Justice in the home between sibling conflicts is one of the the source codes of Narcissism. Children desire your attention and approval more than anything, and yet still need to be fairly held accountable for their actions in order to understand right & wrong and boundaries. Your page is a wake up call Dr Ramani. Thank you for your wisdom.

Thank you so much for the "estrangement" topic, I recently cut off ties with my narcissistic parent when I moved to my college because I knew it was the only healthy option. And my fiancee doesnt quite understand when I say, "nothing is going to change". I try to explain that it's not from a place of hate or trying to erase the past but to grow from it. I still love that parent, but I love me too and I was just done sacrificing myself for my narcissistic parent's sake or even mine just to avoid causing negativity. But even with this, I'm worried about my 2 younger siblings back home because I was their protective barrier.

I went so far as to tell my second husband's family that my family was dead so that they wouldn't think I was problematic! Eventually, (and it wasn't actually very long) I ended up telling them the truth that I had no contact with my family because of betrayal and abuse. One note on choosing to stay away... Just be aware that when you do this you will be spoken about as the abuser, as they will have to act like victims and suggest that they have no idea why you would turn on your family. Years ago my disordered husband weaponized my narcissistic family against me as he abandoned and divorced me. After years of abuse and betrayal my family started telling everyone that they have no idea why I wouldn't talk to any of them. It was horrible and surreal. Unfortunately, this is also terrible for kids and there are a lot of innocent people caught up in the mess and have no idea what is going on.

Golly, you are so right, in everything you point at. How did i survive all those mistreatments ? I don’t know. What I do know is that more and more of my issues in my life, in my behaviors with people, in what happened to me, in my failures, in my unsuccessful tries in many directions, tried professions, even psychological AND physical health, are explained very accurately in your videos, Dr. Ramani. Today, with that one, my ancient deep psychological and physical pains (and still today’s one) have a face, literally. It hurts. It makes me cry. But I’ve got tools now. I’m 49. I learned a lot. And every single day I learn more. And I’m more and more efficient in my today’s life. And happy. Yes. Thanks for your channel. I’ve already written that, but you’re a blessing. Thank you, from the deep of my heart. 🥹. With love, from Paris, France. 😄

You have articulated exactly what my family dynamic was. I finally feel validated. Thank you Dr. Ramani.

It takes so much energy to stop feeling unnecessarily guilty. Like, i just dropped the glass, not burn down the world!

I am currently estranged from my parents and many of my siblings. They aligned with my covert narcissist behind my back and when we separated because the covert ex tried to kill me, they sided with him. My parents reached out to my employer and told them I was a liar and mentally ill. It has been 6 years no contact. When the holidays come around, or I see happy families, my mantra has been: some people have normal families, some people have narcissist families. It's the luck of the draw and it's not my fault. My father "disowned" me 20 years earlier ostensibly because I married outside my race, but in fact, I had succeeded in my career and he was pathologically jealous. The choice of husband was an excuse for him to become estranged. We didn't speak for 10 years. We repaired that relationship but it was never a healthy relationship and my mother and father both looked for opportunities to harp on flaws real and imagined, even if they had to go back to my childhood to find them. I don't miss my parents. My mind set has shifted. I see the positive people in my life because no one is putting me down anymore. I was able to see the flees I had picked up from my parents and get rid of them. Overall, it has been a positive experience to go no contact from toxic family members.

Wow watching your videos is NEVER a disappointment you have become my light in the darkness

What a wonderful video. You covered every possible scenario. My mother and I always had a conflicted relationship because she never wanted children, but my father did. For him, children was his reason for marriage, and her reason for marriage was his paycheck. When I was 9, my sister was born because I was getting too old to be her reason for not working and because my father wanted another child. When I was 11, my brother was born purely by accident, but they were thrilled to have a boy. So we all grew up, me much older, school, dating, college, marriage, children, career. My sister married, hated having a child, having a job, and became my mother’s caretaker after my father died. My mother and I were estranged and my sister began to distance. So much so that when my mother died, I didn’t know until two months later when I found her obituary on line while doing genealogy. Long story short, I had been specifically written out of the will and my siblings split the million dollars two ways instead of three. Luckily, I did not expect to get anything and I had made my own living and retirement. My children were cut out too, and that does make me sad, but they make their own way too. We are close and I have told them they had better stay close after I die or I’m coming back to haunt them! 🤣😂🤣 Life would only be turmoil and chaos if my sibs were in it, so I wish them well in their endeavors. 👋🏼

Omg!! Once again, this is my life. I had a child out of wedlock at 20yrs. Old. I was a disgrace to the family!! Then I met the love of my life and we took my daughter and moved 20 mins. From my parents. Boy were they pissed. Stopped talking to me when I got married and pregnant again. They couldn't believe that I was having another child when I couldn't take care of the one I had!" Word for word from my mother. I stopped talking to my parents and my sister because she sure as hell didn't help matters since she was the golden child. I was 34 btw!! They conned me back years later and 2 years ago I did something that my mother apparently didn't like and cut us off! I had to say good riddance and I'm done. I am so much happier and healthier now. Thank you for opening my eyes to see that it wasn't me. ❣

My 80 year old covert narcissistic father with malicious intent has done absolutely everything you have explained TO A TEE! You have put names on my lifetime experiences. In this episode, 9 months ago, my father married a nice lady who cant drive, and she and her 40-year-old daughter, who cant drive, all live in my father's house. Within 3 months my father set up a meeting pretending to want to MAKE AMENDS with his old family for some pretty mean things he did to me during my cancer treatment. When came to my house he acused me and my sister of calling his wife an intruder, which, of course we were shocked. We have never said a bad thing about them because, WE WALK ON EGGSHELLS - WE HAVE FOR 58 YEARS. We arent allowed to have an opinion because we would be disowned. Of course we would never say anything like that, and he himself know that. When we started defending ourselves and yes... we engaged, as he knew we would, because at the time I was just barely figuring this all out. My husband made a slight comment to him that gave him the excuse to stomp out of my house in a rage. The comment was an opinion, and actually the truth. It wasnt even an accusation like he did to me and my sister when he first came in to POKE US. He went home and told his new wife we ganged up on him when all he did was come over to make amends with us. She of course believes her husband and said we are terrible daughters and she does not like how we treat our father. Right after that, my dad took my sister and my names off his and my moms living trust, (my mom passed away 2 years previous). My sister and myself have been on that living trust since 1982, we are their only children and it was 5050 for my sister and I. This goes to show you covert narcissists with malicious intent have no empathy, dont even love their own children, have no respect no regard and couldnt give the slightest shit about how loyal and dedicated and how much his daughters love him unconditionally... HAHAHAHA on me and my sister. We meant so much to him that 3 months of marriage constitutes him changing his living trust for his new wife and step daughter. This satisfies him in so many ways. He is getting revenge on my mother, treating us really awful while telling his new wife we are treating him awful.. His wife is doting all over the poor new husband, and he is swimming in much supply. Dont think I can get over this. Dont know how anybody does.

You hit the nail right on the head! Yes there is a lot of grief And yes it’s a hard pill to swallow when that one sibling wants to replace you and turn every one against you even though I took it hard at first but like you said she did me a favor by eliminating me from her life. I needed to set those boundaries a long time ago and she did it for me. I can now see it from the eyes of gratitude 🙏🏻

Thank you for giving this some public attention. It is something I've struggled with all my adult life and it feels validating to hear you discuss is. Thanks for making Narcissistic abuse your passion! You are helping so many of us.

Your last point reminds me of the last time I saw my mom, for the first time ever she'd said sorry, and I got happy at first, until I realized what she was really trying to do was reel me back in talking about my grandmother... I'm happy I saw what she was really trying to do. I've even gone as far as slowly estranging my sisters too, they basically brushed off my experiences, 'oh we went through that with mom too', and they always ask when I'm gonna talk to her again. I really do love them, but they do nothing but defend her, telling me I should forgive her, when all I've done is forgive her only for the cycle to start all over again. I can't lie, it gets hella lonely sometimes, and this sounds sad but it's nothing new, the only difference is that I'm happier, and finally started gravitating nice people in my life, I'm happy I held on for so long, and I'm happy I feel in control of my life now!

I grew up with a controlling narcassistic father. I had never heard of estrangement before. However, now that my parents have past, the remaining siblings are very distant and estranged. It's a real shame, because we have just lost touch of each other. I had no idea that this was a byproduct of our family structure, & often wondered why it occurred. Thank you for this series!

This entirely describes what has happened in my life. It's made me a bit sad, but I'm also relieved of a huge burden. Thank you Dr. Ramani and everyone else commenting on these videos

Absolute best videos about understanding npd on KZfaq! So amazing that she gives all this information away for free.❤️

I love you. Thank you so much for putting into words what I have been dealing with for a very long time and didn't know what was going on. I'm divorcing my narc wife. With the court house shut down it's taking a longer time than I wish. I don't always liked being alone. I am learning that being alone isn't as bad as wishing you were.

I walked away from my narcissist mother 4 years ago. Since then I have learned how much damage she has done and for so long. I have new friends, a job where I am appreciated, and friends who are positive and uplifting. Never again will I allow anyone to tell me I'm not enough. Get away while you can!

I recognise every narcissistic tactic she discussed. It's been my life and perfectly describes my father. He cut ties with me and my siblings a few years ago. Weve lost all touch with his side of the family. Estrangement strangely enough feels like a very sad relief...

I've spent a large part of my life cutting people off. Once i understood what narcissism was my first go to was "god that's me, i'm a narcisisst". Going over and over things, talking things out with trusted people, watching these types of videos i've discovered that i grew up in that covert narc/codependant dynamic, covert father/codependent mother. I walked into a relationship with a malignant narc and 10 years of abuse and truama began with him. You sort of or at least i did turn inwards. You ask so many questions one being am i a narc. What i discovered about myself and how i coped with such a truma filled life for 30 odd years was developing AVPD. I'm not in any way saying this is healthy and it's something i've worked on since discovering it but it served me well in the ability to say i'm done with these types of dynamics. My reasons for doing it wasn't from that healthy place, it wasn't me standing my ground and setting those firm boundaries. It was me cowering and hiding from the wrath and abuse, like a scared animal hiding under the bed. This is why i thought i was a narc, whole other ball game in the personality department. I had no option but be my own everyhing in life from a very young age. I'd talk to myself for someone to talk too. Sad i know but i was always on my own. So much so i never, not once felt lonely, it was do or die and even at that tender young age my survival instincts kicked in, so you cope and develop on your own. I'd rather have emptiness and talks with myself that pain and trauma anyday. Once someone hurt me i was gone. The fear of them hurting me again was so overwhelming i didnt want it in my life. I'll admit i have always wanted that deep deep connection once that obsitcle of hurt, abuse, pain, fear etc was looming i'd drop the ball and be gone, hindering my own life. Now i stand firm doesn't matter narc, a toxic person or someone who made a mistake i tell them where i stand , what's hurt me and if they over step one more time then im done. My life has changed so much i've had people i stopped speaking to come back and say i've given them inspiration and hope, to see me grow and become so confident. They understand why i cut them off and want to change, want me there in their life and have activily changed, of course some of those really toxic people haven't but its let me see some people aren't as bad as i had made them out to be with my fear, that not all are the same. Not everyone will hurt me. They are humans who will make mistakes. What im saying is my fear and my coping/ developing personality type has done is serve me in some way in getting these horrible types out my life for good. I was always on my own being my own everything so getting these drains on my life out was actually the easiest thing i've ever did. The threats of loneliness or abondonment meant nothing to me. Means nothing because of my AVPD. What those narcs have done in their constant consistent abuse has made me not fear the one very things they do. The loneliness, the abandonedment, the guilt. It confuses the narc so much. I hope other's dealing with these types finds that strength and starts a wonderful life for them.

I have enjoyed your videos so much! Thank you for taking the time to make them!! Knowledge is POWER!!

Really loving this series!! Cannot say just how very helpful and informative I'm finding these!

Thank you, Dr Ramani. I estranged myself. I needed, need, and will always need that kind of distance. My estrangement is survival. It is life affirming.

I've just realised how hard it's all been - like wearing a suit of armour - but I feel as if I can't lower my guard in case the xnarc finds a way to again damage me. Estrangement can give me bit of relief. It's okay to be estranged! New concept!

I’m estranged from nearly everyone on my mother’s side of the family. NC for over two year. But for a long time my relationship with them was what you described in the beginning. Very very limited communication. It occurred to me as I watched this that as I was pulling away from my family it was always toxic people making excuses for other toxic people, tying to drawn me in. When I went NC I sat down and gave a heads up to the only two people I planned to continue having a relationship with ( a sibling and a cousin). Thinking about it now they never asked me any questions about why or tried to talk me out of it. They understood the unhealthy dynamics without me having to explain it. They’d been watching it their whole lives.

"If you come from a family..." ""Yes, I come from a family." "...with Narcisistic dynamics." "Oh!" (really, though, I love your work. You hit it out of the park almost every time. Thank you so much.)

You described my "family" perfectly. The narc parents really have a way of engineering chaos. The proof is in the estrangement of 3 siblings. It all strikes me as so unnecessary, ya know? Like...how can you not love, even despise your own children? I've been guilted for being gay -- shamed, humiliated, oh what an issue it was-- and not giving them grandchildren. Lemme tell you. Children, one day or not (imagine the babies being born now, how *this* is their normal?), I wouldn't let them near them. I have to continuously remind myself all the low contact stuff you talk about it while unhooking myself. Thank you as always for all you do, Dr. Ramani

One day, I will change the world the same way you have Dr. Ramani. We will sit at the same tables discussing the same topics. I manifest this into my life. Just watch 🌹

I love your presentation. It reminds me of Sesame Street, today is bought to you by the number “estrangement” your videos have really helped me

THANK YOU !!!!!!! I needed to hear this. I've lived this from the age of 5 on to 61. No more.... Low contact Narc Parent and No Contact abusive Narc sibling.

Make a vow never to estrange yourself but to estrange yourself from abusive manipulative unwilling immovable impossible people. It'll feel like Hell in the beginning. You'll even feel like everyone's a narcissist for a while. But the more you work a daily discipline for your recovery, the more you regulate ur emotions. Your clarity returns. You no longer allow anyone to make you their black sheep. You gain a strong sense of self amd boundaries. And life finally opens up bc ur living your authentic self and finding happiness, accepting life has downfalls, and ur living a realistic way of life. Thanks for this incredible series Dr Ramani. So helpful.

You have too outsmart them. Play along or go away. Thanks Dr. Ramani, because you have to recognize it first.