That's so true

. . .or continue to APPEAR to be, but only to those that haven't been sucked in yet.

Exactly

Yes, when my narc was good she WAS a unique and fun personality. Cute and eccentric. But then behind the veil was the monster she was over half the time. Monster or ice queen.

A Even BETTER Acknowledgement...You DON'T Miss The EVIL Disrespectful WORDS n BEHAVIOR. A NARC In The FAMILY I Personal Dealt With And Looked For MATURITY! Actually Was Playings ME...Like A Drum.... Gaslighting.. Making Others Feel Used And NEVER Planned To Change. The ONLY Person They LOVED Was Just Like Them. PLUS Never Really Helped Them. It's Like A Death Grieving Soooo OVER IT! WHAT A Relief .... FINALLY After Being Educated. Truth Sets FREE From Misinformed Of Ways of A NARC.

Kellbo yes soo very true I felt the same way.

me too

true or just hopes

It''s a fact....believe it.

yessssssssss

Yes 😔

This is so true and so relatable, its heartbreaking :,(

So true, it really is like grieving a death. The person you thought they were when you first met them and then the person you hoped they could be when you realized that hope is dead. It's so hard. I can close my eyes and hear his voice and feel him pull my arm around him when we're were sleeping. The way we would put out feet together under the covers to keep warm, the smell of his skin. It's hard being lonely for someone who purposely hurt me over and over simply for sport when I would have done anything for him. It's just the depths of disappointment.

I think..my narcissistic husband was all about destroying me in the end..but one has to choose themselves everytime..my narcissist husband didn't agree to go for therapy..is that common as well?

So true

Yes!

Absolutely! 💔 Dr. Ramani is such an amazing therapist ✨👏🏻

I've said this for years

Ambiguous grief

Especially when they are your grown estranged children. NO WORDS CAN DESCIBE THE CONFUSION, SHOCK, PAIN ETC. ALL OF A SUDDEN THE WORLD IS NOT THE WORLD

I should copy paste this... it's like we were with the same person 😂😂😂

Yes to all of this :(

I realised recently the same thing... no matter what I did, it would never be enough. He did nothing and I gave him my world. I gave him my world and I was left with and feeling... nothing

:/ I still love him but I know you are so right. T.T

OMG..I had to look closely at this to make sure I did not write it myself. Everything you said is exactly how I would respond... we lived the same nightmare just with a different narcissistic person. I am so glad to be out of it. I kept a journal thru the years, now I read it to get me out of any 'grief' I may experience. Glad you shared your story.

I was with a narcissist for 23years ,but refused to marry him. I own my own house and threw him out twice,.Of course I thought I was going crazy, but he always “love bombed” me. It was impossible to talk so I was reduced to putting my feelings on paper....then back came pages telling me where I’d gone wrong. Everything was turned round, I was a manipulator, a control freak, etc. Because I could not have a conversation , 3 years ago I just snapped and told him to leave. It was so painful I nearly gave in. I feel sane for the first time in years and just LOVE my daily therapy sessions with you, K.M. Ireland

I understand. When she talked about the other person devaluing something that was important to us, I thought MYSELF.

Susie Williams Looking forward to divorcing the narcissist this year, and I too deal with grieving losing myself and putting myself last to appease this energy vampire

Kay Messent Cheers sister 🥂 😎 “ it was impossible to talk” Ugh!! Been there done that. I resorted to two letters as Literature was not his strong suit, but quickly Realized it was a waste of time. 3 years in towards the end I discovered he was a covert cerebral narcissist and not the “strong silent type “aka remember John Wayne? Lol The validation felt Liberating yet Bittersweet. It’s not ME 😅 it’s him 😨

Susie Williams I hear you

Wow! Sooo true!

That's 💯 the hardest part is coming to terms that it was not real, then to accept that the person never cared or loved you. No matter how much you loved them, no matter how real it felt it was all fake

@@luvmeamoose this is what I’m finding hard to understand right now. 4 weeks out of a relatively short but extremely intense and full of drama narcissistic relationship and I’m missing what I thought was ‘real’ and so facing the reality that none of it was actually real but only what I dreamed of and he cleverly created himself to be all because he knew my dreams and put on a charade is a hard pill to swallow 😢

Yes, it was all fake. To give your all and fall so in love with a person who doesn’t exist is just traumatising. He didn’t care at all

That is so true

Oh honey, look differently... you're right there! 🌻

Same, I’m grieving the loss of my physical and mental health.. I hope you’re doing well now 🙏🏽

I agree, I feel I'm grieving such a huge loss of myself. And trying to find out who I am without all the drama.

@@AW-ts9rm I'm right there with you.😢

You have self-esteem enough to say what you said. All is not lost.

Gay, spiritual and dating she’s so amazing. I agree 💯💕

Totally agreed!!!!!

Yes!

same

Every time I watch a video of hers I wish I had her personally helping me through my healing journey. The good news is I do! I connect with her like the air I breathe on all platforms..

Arriana Thierry I also never felt so much pain in my life. I thought it would never end. I left him. I thought I would need medication for the depression and anxiety. It had been about 1 1/2 years and it still hurts sometimes but not nothing like before. I recently ran into a friend of his at the airport and sure enough I got an email from him a couple days later. I have no contact at all now. The email did trigger me however that is what it was supposed to do. I am in a great support group after finding out I was a co-dependent. When I broke up with him I had no knowledge of narcissism but when I found out it was like the most painful yet relieving cause now I know that I am not crazy. Luckily I live 1200 miles away so I am not fearful of running into him.

Stay strong Mimi, the sun is single too but it still shines! Focus on you, one day a normal man will come into your life and show you true love, respect and kindness. God bless you!

Mimi Mimi . That's the answer ...move RIGHT away . Though my narc ex has passed away now , suddenly, I cried like a baby for days !!!!!! Weeks !!! How when I was treated terribly by him when he flipped as he often did ! No pattern to it ...knife edge stuff ALL the time . The good was good ... The bad was unbelievable! Verbal verbal verbal... Mind games . I want to move away from this area , it's tooooo much history...and my narc family are within reach . I don't wasn't to ever bump into my Ex family ( his daughter it evil ) and I don't want to bump into my narc sister.

@Abisola Abiodun Thank you Abisola!

Well done and I hope you find solace from this point on.... I went through the same even just 6 mths together... the pain was immense... but I’m nearing the end of my grieving process...

True! I am again enjoying my life as a single n there have been bad days but great days too n I feel I can achieve so much more in life than I could when I was with him..both professionally n personally..I will do further studies, travel, develop more hobbies now..I am positive it will happen n probably some of it has begun to happen......I feel lucky that I separated from him after one year of marriage

Very much so.

As I wrote above, I had exactly the same experience, I never realized he was a narcissist until it ended.

Three years after leaving there was still self doubt. Still saving space and hoping and praying for reconciliation. Then I realized that was the wrong prayer. I would never want something so empty, so painful to be " restored". I grieved never being given the chance to have a real effective marriage and family. I grieved the loss of that initial vision for my life. I grieved lost time and discarded dreams and goals. I grieved for the pains of my past that made me more vulnerable to this type of person. The grieving has to happen. It is part of the healing. There is no time limit. I grieved the loss of who I thought was my best friend and that I was never that to them, ever. Thank God for healing. Every new day, He gives is stronger than the day before.

@@ruansaunders2913 this is beautiful, Ruan! More power to you ❤️

@@musicaluci24 and I believe that usually happens with those who are empathetic! Because we often try and see things from the other person's perspective.

@@sathyadhulipala You just made me realize my problem. Everyone says I’m an empath. I just like to see the good in people and things from their perspective. I don’t know how to change and I’m grieving because I feel like I could’ve done more. Thank you for your comment.

I am finally relieved, I only grief being decieved .

Rebecka, that's so true! My teenage daughter really helped me once when I was contemplating leaving him by saying, "well, overall, does he enhance your happiness or take away from it?" In other words, is he a net negative in your life or a net positive? I knew the answer was net negative, but stayed another 10 years, hoping he would change, believing him when he said he wanted to, and not knowing what a narcissist was. I know now and am getting out!!!

Yup. An addiction created by them being so intermittent with us.

Rebecka Elin yes that’s my problem, he treated me like a queen until I caught him cheating . It went down hill after that.

Yes ! If only they had been horrible the entire time . It wouldn’t have lasted as long

Amen. It would be even better than 'nice' all the time. At least the 'horrible' would be real.

Amen and Amen! May the Lord give you continued strength, love and happiness.

How are you now? Have you ables to get through it?

Yes you are free, enjoy that amazing freedom 😀

I'm at depression right now and I always told people as a Christian I didn't believe in real depression, now I understand it, its mental pain that has disrupted my life so much, I feel nauseous every time my boss says she wants to speak to me because I know she is going to abuse me verbally and emotionally!! I got close with her years ago not knowing the hell she would have put me through and why she is all alone and even her ex-husband doesn't want her back!!! She psycho but I still care about her, that's the sad and pathetic part because she has love bombed me every time and I kept falling for it. Now Im fed up and want it to stop! Im praying abt it an getting conselling.

The same happened to me.....it always blew my mind that she (the narc) ALWAYS SABOTAGED every important event!!!!!!! Just RUIN IT !!!!! But, I know now it is because she is a narcissist! Thank God for the decades of research into narcissism, because they have these people figured out to the "T"! I was confused, but slowly piecing together this craziness...but I was still in the dark. These videos are like the blazing Sun shining light on the subject...I had the most a dim flickering candle after 20 years of scratching my head!

Wow what a horrible person, you're better off without him. There's plenty of men out there anyway.

Absolutely right

Damn that happened to me too for 3 years that’s insane we put up with that

This comment hit home… every holiday/event… he would flake or text the next day like nothing happened. Lol.. I have so much trust issues with him, why didn’t I leave sooner…

Exactly the same situation as you now. Sending love and hugs 💕

Same...2 months "sober"

Hang in there. I am 5 years into the original discard by the ex-husband of 25 years. Then came the two children (9 months ago) and last but not least my two Narc parents (3 months ago). It was like a house of cards once the ex discarded me everyone followed. Lord almighty I am FREE AT LAST.

Hobbies Coming_to_life this is what happened to me, too. It’s been about three months and I still feel that sense of sadness and loss. I question I doubt. This video really helped me, today.

@Sky DreamCodependents are often lonely. Write down all crapy things he did , read them when you feel nostalgic. You are not griving loss of him but not having realtionship and love you hoped for. Just imagine him living in a different universe, far, far away from you & out of reach (same like when people die) & continue living your life. It gets easier, I promise. Three years later I am fine with it all, I have a peace about what transpired , now just got to sort everything else in my life. Ready to enjoy my life to the full. It is great to be fully free.

When I run the past 15 years with my ex, i feel the same way. The 1st year should have been a wake up call. Every few years something major with all the incidences in between. Every messed up trip or special occasion, all the other women. I sure feel like a fool staying, leaving then going back, fighting to get him back. I think that's why I decided I'm grieving for myself not the relationship.

@@kimh.5932 yes! Grieving for ourselves is what is actually happening. We aren t grieving for them but for our own pain and abuse we endured. I completely agree with you. ♥️

I believe I may have answers for you , because of my own experience . A ) Trauma Bond B ) Codependency . We come to a place over time after much study , where we shift our love ,energy, kindness and compassion that was going towards the narcissist back to ourselves . We begin to treat ourselves with the dignity respect and civility that we have always deserved all along but were blind in our own dysfunction . We begin to know in the depth of our soul that we are enough . We realize that we cannot change the narcissist, they are on their own journey . We realize and know that we have deeply and sincerely loved them as a human being as we let them go .

@@rjlacroix3334 This was very beautifully stated 🤍and resonates on many levels. Thanks for your loving compassion.

This is so sad. I hope you can get some help so can start healing.

I know, Steven... I am feeling the same exact way. But I don't think they are. Maybe they aren't capable of feeling that way(valuing the relationship or valuing us); maybe they are not capable of forming healthy attachments, and maybe they never will. Maybe they are not missing us because they are too superficial to miss anything more than the image being with us gave them, or the attention, dinners and gifts we gave... but unfortunately, they are not missing being in a healthy relationship, and they are not trying to work it out because they just don't value it. My ex admit he had never thought of his values--and even though he didn't drive a fancy car or wear expensive clothes--I could tell he valued "admiration" and "image" (fooling everyone of how "honest" and "good" he was), more than he did me.... and it took months for me to realize he was (what Dr. Ramani calls) "breadcrumbing" me all along. There is better out there for the both of us. You deserve someone who will cherish you and and not abandon you. I hope you are doing OK.

You will get there but (only from experience) it does get better but it can a hell of a long time

I hear u. Going through the same shit. Feel terrible to know if he is doing with me or with everyone else. I know its selfish to hope that it's not only me. There are many whys.

Guess she is Not the right women for you and Not Worth of your ability to love.it will Help you watch Videos about Traumabonding and i am Sure you will overcome this and never Run again for Something that never existed❤️

Darla Dahmen me too! That makes me so sad: I invested so much love in this man, and I apparently meant NOTHING to him. It’s really hard on your self esteem ☹️

@@ciljo14 You are describing my relationship exactly. Discarded and never meant anything to him. :(

Oh honey you're not an old shoe 💚

God bless you and all other survivors of abuse and other misfortune. Stay strong.

I’m so sorry. I know how you feel, and you have to realize that THEY are the ones with the issue. One of the things that are helping me heal is that if you think back to all those moments of fucking hurt and anger and regret, think about how you feel consistently in that moment. Do you want to live like that the rest of your life? That helps relieving some of the grief. Honey you are loved and the world has so much to offer you, besides the world your narcissist left you in. I swear.

Exactly!!

Me too. I just realized about 2 months ago that I have spent half of my adult life in love with an illusion. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that none of it was real to him.

I hear you loud and clear

That's it!!! I'm missing my imaginary friend. The husband that I thought I was marrying 2.5 years ago never truly existed. Someone with a cruel and heartless heart, saw that dream and Lovebombed me with the sole focus of having his own needs and wants met. He took my dream house which was a little 1920s farmhouse sitting on an acre of land. I gave him over $33,000 in cash from Oct 2018 until I went No Contact on October 30 2019. I paid the mortgage and the water and the electricity bills. He wanted my family dog of 10 years after we had only been married for 2.5 years. He wanted not only my house but all the appliances and curtains etc . . . Went to trial on Feb 24th and although he is getting the house, I'm Finally able to have my representatives get into the home to get my animals and my clothes and my furnishings and my memoirs of raising 4 children for the last 33 years. I left with only the clothes on my back and I have lived in fear of him finding me for the last 4.5 months. I'm angry that yet again a Narcissist looks like he is winning. But in the end he will have to stand before God and answer for ALL of his wicked ways. And I will keep breathing every day knowing that I'm sheltered by God and He is my Protector and my Provider for all things and forever. Let's get ready for how God will lead us down the path towards His will for our lives. And Stop allowing s . . . . and his demons to have any power over our lives from this day forward!!! In Jesus's most Holy Name AMEN and AMEN!!!!

Yes! It's that we loved them for who we thought they could be, because there were glimpses of great things at times. They were charming when they wanted to be, until the next time that is when they completely turned into the selfish horrible person that they are.

Same..

Same. 10 years married and he just up and left like I’m nothing to him now.

Same. I didn’t even know what narcissism was. Once I started researching…omg! How did they know my ex?!?

Same. Though narcissistic traits are with different intensities and different varieties, I started to slowly recognise he has them. Whenever you want to call it, he isn’t an honest, trustworthy and open person. He is selfish, immature, lier and manipulator. It’s very dangerous to be around such people because they can mess up with our Mind and emotions so bad that we end up loosing ourselves and sense of what is right and wrong. As we slowly start to wake up to their true nature, it’s very painful. But it’s needed. Let’s keep strong together!

How did you get through it :(?

Same thing is happening to me I’m two months no contact.

Same. 1 day no contact.

I can totally relate to this. When I’m at work I feel ok and during the evening as bedtime comes I feel the anxiety and panic start to creep in 😔

I'm going through this now. I cant believe it's been this hard knowing what kind of person she is. It's amazing how messed up these people are.

Shakira Greenwood agreed. Me too. The sadness is the person you were in love with didn't and doesn't exist. That's been the hardest for me to accept.... The character i loved was a figment of my imagination. He was not who he said he was. And NEVER will be. Cos that takes integrity & sacrifice - two things a Narc knows nothing about! Godbless you dote. Ox

i had it for years before i decided to get out--what she did to me was nothing short of Criminal .

Shakira Greenwood a leopard never changes his spots it doesn't help now . He will discard her to

Wise words---i had many years of it until i decided to get Out--That woman broke me in so many ways--someone else is welcome to her .

I know what you mean....my ex left me for someone very quickly...but i knew if i could get away from him...i would be better off. Sadly this gurl chased him and he left me for her.....ONE day she will be reading this and realize-she got what she thought she wanted....hope she enjoys those many many days of abuse and how he used her as a "flying monkey". Hope you remember your happier life in Illinois bc it will a distant memory and you will be rethinking your life decisions. NEVER steal someone else's mate....bc it is NEVER as it seems. Remember him throwing me under the bus? And you egging it on? I got the last laugh:)

Iam going through that now

Agreed 100%

@@lisacartner971 yes me too. That's why being in a community of survivors is so important. So you have people who understand (even though just virtually) but it's a blessing

They do not have emotional stability. They do not think about things the way that normal healthy sensible people think. They do not have common sense letalone standards, morals or values. They are sad immature people who have a lot of growing up to do. They are not worth our time or energy.

Like doctor Ramani said in another video. In a narcissistic relationship , Hope is the very last thing to die. So true.

They also don't believe in sins and are usually atheists 🤷🏻 my narcissist told me not to slut shame her when I asked if she was promiscuous and that she can sleep around with hundreds of people and still wouldn't be a slut 🤦🏻

You put Put it into words and ways that I could not thank you so much for your comment keep up the good fight you're worth it and I will keep up the good fight because I know I'm worth it.

@@robertataylor5794 so glad I am not alone. It is much better now but when I feel an attack coming on I have to yank myself out of it and remind myself not to answer when the past comes calling. It has nothing to say, only an anchor to drown you with...😩😩😩

@@LeonaMeyer Perhaps you can Try looking back and seeing what you learned from this experience try to write down the things that you can take from it and a list of the things that you lost and then grieve the Loss. You've got to try to find a way forward so that those anchors become your wings.Also look up Richard granan's emotional Is literacy exercise He provides this for free so you don't have to pay any money. It has been very helpful in my experience to free myself from the anchors of the past of the past hope this helps.

OMG I can relate to this wholeheartedly

@@robertataylor5794 thanks for the Richard Granon tip... he is amazing!

Amen!

Amen, sister!

I think it should be 110%time i say" im free thanks to grace of God!"

Amen

Truth Seeker absolutely agree!

Ya...that's the lingering aspect of it, isn't it? You recount the 'beautiful' moments and realize you were being deceived and manipulated even then, even the good times weren't really good, well not reciprocal like you believed them to be anyway. They really are a different breed of parasitic humans aren't they? Perhaps that's what alien invasion movies and fiction are based on('They Live', 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' etc.)! They are here living among us! Creepy.

I had a same night mare just last night. just haunted of the abuse and infidelity. Just so sad , I’m just hoping there will be a a motional shit soon .. I hate to free said , it robs me of any joy .

Truth Seeker makes sense. It’s so amazing how this all works, the depth of trauma that has been experienced. We just need to let our brains and hearts rest ❤️

Truth Seeker well put !!

You can do this! I’m now a single mum with 4 kids my youngest is 11months old but I don’t regret my decision. It’s been just over a month and my mental health has gotten so much better. It will get easier with time x

You are saving your kids from the same abuse--and you are being a good example for your kids by not taking the abuse any more and setting some healthier boundaries. You have done a huge and important thing for yourself and your children.

​@@queeniestribe2769 I'm hoping I get there

Now where are you or did you go back? How do you feel looking back from when you left this comment?

Same girl

agree!! Such crazy painful experience

I agree. I'm grateful because I too am greiving yet am struggling with feelings of relief. It almost seems like I feel guilty feeling relief...

Yep, me too. She seems to have a sixth sense about her timing! Love and strength to you! 💖

I agree

So true, at least for me it has been. The grief feels catastrophic because aside from grieving the loss of someone I still feel I love very much, I think it also reflects the loss of a fairytale (my own) and one that they were so talented at playing out with me in its full form, at least at the beginning. What are the chances that the fairytale will be played out again with someone else? Someone who is as smart and handsome and charming and unique like him? The prince on a white horse, the magician and his tricks? But the prince turned to beast, and the magician into trickster and consequently the avalanche of conflicting emotions has been exhausting. This breakup definitely challenges some of my very deep-seated narratives. And it also channels other similar life disappointments. Perhaps it’s cognitively simpler to dump all the sadness this evokes on "the breakup", on "the one narcissistic person", than deal with the complexities of my narratives and personal boundaries. It’s much harder to question why, me, a free and independent woman, ended up shutting one and both eyes a disturbing amount of times. It’s a tough lesson and it’s painful. Are my fantasies more important than being in a truly loving and respectful relationship? Hence reconciliation feels ever so tempting- the fairytale will be restored and there will be relief and we can make it work. But given the past behaviour and no real efforts at recognizing and making up for the caused damage, I can only predict it working for a week, or 2 at max. And so, no, I haven’t returned to him. I’m taking it a day at a time with pain and sadness as my teachers. Surely time will heal and even this shall pass. Hopefully, with a new heart and a clearer vision of my own self and what is important.

@@mryan4719 god I relate so much to this. I felt guilty as well for leaving and I kept reaching out to try and be his friend, but in the end I always felt bad and acted defensive and I realised that I don't like who I am around him and he still makes me feel worthless and like I need to win him over or something. There's no being friends with them, the only happy ending you have is if you take them out of your life. I still feel guilty sometimes, but you know what? Fuck him. I did my best for someone who reduced me to a pathetic and rather toxic person and I don't want to feel or be toxic ever again so it's better like this.

Maria C , I tried to reach out as a friend too. I wanted to hang onto what little positive was left between us, even though we couldn’t have a relationship. He played along for awhile, but I think as soon as he felt uncomfortable or frustrated, he took it out on me. You are right...the only happy ending is taking them out of your life. I am avoiding the ‘fuck him’ response, because I don’t want to harbor that negativity, but I did block his phone and email addresses to protect myself from any further contact. Done.

@@mariac__as This was me. He asked me to stay friends with him and I did try, but things he would say or had said would still make me angry. Like, he called me manipulative for breaking up with him and then telling him I'd like us to work things out, but only if he went back to therapy. Or how he would make little snide remarks. I would feel this horrible sense of guilt for wanting to break up with him even though I knew it was what needed to happen. He would say I abandoned him and he would always be alone because everyone always left. I constantly felt like I had to "make up" for hurting him from the breakup, while he wasn't doing anything to make up for how he'd treated me through the entire relationship. Eventually, I realized I was still miserable trying to be his friend, so I went no contact. I can't even describe how painful that was, not only because we broke up, but because he'd made me feel so bad for abandoning him that I was more upset that I was such a horrible person who had hurt him than I was about anything else. And while I was feeling that way, he'd already moved onto someone else (whom it didn't work out with) and that snapped me out of it. Like, here I am, sad because I hurt you, and you're already moved on. I felt so stupid for all that wasted feeling towards him and his lies and the entire relationship. But the sad thing is, I still miss him, sometimes, even though I now he couldn't care less about me.

@@BooDotBoo he had told me that everyone he loved had left him eventually as well and that's why I felt so bad and tried so hard to remain friends and show him I cared about him, even though he still hurt me and invalidated me and treated me as if he didn't care and as if I was really annoying and he was tired of me. Sadly, after almost two months of no contact I texted him recently to ask him how he was going and perhaps to show him I was still there. Now I'm trying to get therapy. I don't want to feel the need to be there for someone who still makes me feel like shit after all this time. They really know how to spot their preys... I don't know if he has moved on with someone else or not, but some months after our break up, when he forgot my birthday, he told me that I'm not like anyone else, that he would never forget me, that he loved me so much... And even though I know those are probably lies and it has been a few months since he told me that, it still holds me back. I don't want to think about him anymore and I don't want to feel guilty for getting away from someone who always manages to hurt me.

I feel exactly the same right now. While I am hurting and feeling pain, he doesn't even care. He's living well and happily,hes probably already found a new supply. Feeling discarded is painful... But I suppose its all about perspective. That we are not discarded but we are strong for leaving. We have to remember that we are doing better without the narc in our life. WE are the ones doing the discarding. I hope u are doing better x

Right! I was suffering in a marriage and I had no idea why. She saved my life. I am so glad I found her and divorced him after only two years. Craziest time of my life. THANK GOD FOR HER. ❤️

Omg, mine threatens the worst plus opps, dialed me by mistake, then, while my answering machine is being left a Satan's Mother's message directed at wee innocent me, then, ring - ring! Pity the person who is dealing with a narc!

My narc died of cancer 2 years ago. Im still left with ALOT of unanswered questions. The main one being "did he ever really love me?"

Lisa Giberson you should ask yourself. Do I love myself? If so, I deserve real and authentic love. 💕 you’re special and that’s why they stay and abuse us.

So not easy. I am doing the same now. I did it for years with my mother, too, but now she has passed on. Still dealing with siblings............................

YES! i tell myself he died on impact in a car accident HAHAH

Just reading that about your childhood makes me feel, sad mostly with some anger at whomever could inflict harm upon a four year old child or any child of any age and/ot any gender. Its like a puppy that runs up and jumps towards someone wanting love and gets kicked for it. Sick n evil folks

I confided in her about physical abuse from a step-parent--because early on, she asked me about myself. She used that later to say "you were probably a little shit" or that "I'm not one of those broken people like you." She even saw a photo of my family and laughed, saying, "you all look like dead people." smh

Omg I think this exact same thing. So sad :(

All the TIME! Nothing I said was ever received, nothing! He at least started to act like he heard me but still didn't understand why everything coming before me and our relationship was so awful, and so inconsistent, and I couldn't ever trust his word. Add some lies and deceit and I'd hear how long will it take for you to get over this? Well never until all those behaviors change.

Yes! I DID the same. It helps so much to write things down because they are so good at flipping to the charming all is great until they aren't feeling safe, calm ...whatever and suck you back onto their emotional crazy ride that leaves you confused!! Same fights!!! Its like the twilight zone

Can't believe you left them on the counter 😄 badass!! I only ever wrote them in my diary feeling confused, now I wish I would have had your balls and insight. I also found the exact same issues and problems in my diary from 3 years ago, although he did get more creative with his insults and gaslighting over time

Wow!!!! Same here. Same time frame too !!! Girl! 💪🏼 Thankful for that 1/2 ounce of “DON’T CARE” that finally eeked out and started the brave departure ! It’s beyond nauseating to look back and read/see the vicious cycle 🤢 WE ARE STRONG and we rise up again. And again. 🙌🏼

I did journal the craziness I experienced with my ex (overt narcissist) but the current (ex) gf just snooped all over my diary like it was nothing. She didn't even think to apologize when I found out. But the bottom line is - I didn't think of journaling again as she would probably snoop it and use against me as she always did. Hope you all are in calm and pleasant relationships by now as I'm sure I will some day be in.

I’m going through something similar now… just a short-lived relationship but I had to break it off. I’m feeling guilty and unsure - maybe I shouldn’t have? How long did it take you to get over it and what did you do to get over it?

This also happened to me, I was in shock realizing I don't feel any sadness, why did I stay with him for so long then? I was worried he killed everything inside, but no, the break up already happened right after his mask fell off, that's why we had time to emotionally detach.It's a relief because it's a blessing.

Fabiana Bug Me too.. I completely thought that I lost the ability to have real feelings .. I kept thinking: “I am going through a breakup! I am supposed to feel sad, but I am not! am I the narcissist here ? 🧐” I was gaslighting myself! I know! ... But you know what, I think I know why I wasn’t feeling sad. It’s because I had been entertaining my mind with the breakup idea for a year and a half before the breakup .. so I was basically getting over him while I was still with him! 🤷🏻‍♀️

congrats

Only 1 week than you weren't in love you was lucky to only get somewhat attached

Y'all might be the narcissist what if ya are the narcissist

Yes

No truer statement

That makes me realize why I could never move on as quick as he did whenever he has discarded me....

Crystal Wonder,you look gorgeous 🌹🌹🥀

Just remember in those moments you are missing a hologram he was presenting to you and mirroring your own self and you are with your own self every single day so that is not something you need to really worry about missing it's been inside you the whole time ... He simply mirrored yourself too you. Hope this helps.

Grace A exactly! It was horrible before I got out so, no I don’t miss him but I grieve the fakery.. And all the hovering stings I haven’t even thought of giving in to breaking my silence at all.

Me precisely

ohh god...same! We've been together for 4 years and he was my first boyfriend. This relationship damaged my view on love and men a lot. What hurts the most is, I was always waiting for the right one to share everything with, things that had a special meaning in my life and my culture, like experiencing intimacy with him for the first time when i got 20 or getting to know our families very well. I gave everything of me to please him and it was never enough. One day he would shower me in compliments and validation, just enough for me to feel valuable and then critisize everything about me the next day. He knew how to give lectures on life and loyality. In my eyes he was the trustworthiest boyfriend on this planet. I really believed he was the jackpot, thats why I chosed to be with him. Turns out he was cheating since we got together with plenty of girls. He was lying, manipulating and humiliating me. I feel like i could write a book about all the narcistic things he did. Gaslighting was a big thing, rereading our texts over and over again, i was going nuts. I apologised for things I never did or things that weren't even dramatic compared to his mistake that created the fight in the first place. I never got closure. When I found out about the betrayel I left him the same night and never saw him again since. I never got appriciation, never saw his regret and never got an apology. Instead he wrote me Mails I think 10 pages long telling me how i deserved everything he said and did to me and that im the most terrible person on earth. I grieve that I fell in love with someone who didn't exist and that i will never get justice my heart craves for. But still thank god for this life lesson, i hope it'll get better.

Two phrases I heard Dr R say were "You may feel you lost the love of your life, but they were never actually that - they were mirroring what is good about you." The things you like, they were not that way before you, and they are not that way after you. And, "you may feel you lost them, but you never had them"

Yes

I am going through this now and I totally agree… it’s like a form of torture

Stay strong

I did the same things before

Nassira Maizi yup.

Dr. Ramani really understands.

@@oliviamiller7434 I recon she had lived through it.

So true

Yes! I was going through my album of pictures of good memories with him. After every picture I remembered an incident which happened shortly before or after the picture was taken. For example a Picture of us at the Lake, four days later he discarded me after we had a fight about his drug abuse and behavior. It's insane

I know exactly how you feel... i could nearly tell the same Story!!

Oh my god that is so awful I'm so sorry :(

I am so so sorry! My heart breaks for you 😢 I'm not sure if my ex will ever get married but if he does this is what his wedding will probably be like.

@@Lina-ok6zr Thanks! It definitely hurt then but I know now what to look out for. :-)

My mom asked if she could walk me down the aisle (my father is deceased). My soon to be wife, now ex, got very upset and guilted me terribly “you know I’ve been working on this dance routine with my friends, you and your mom will totally ruin it! Go ahead, let her walk you down the aisle and ruin all my hard work!”

@@oscarwilliamson1264 not anymore

@@oscarwilliamson1264 also in the states 😊

@@oscarwilliamson1264 ...just KZfaq for me.

Holly O'Reilly,your pretty smile ☺️ can make the news!

Thank you for this encouraging message! This to shall pass!

This is exactly how I feel. Muscles clenched..teeth grinding...furious tears...self doubt...wanting to sledgehammer...yep

My ex is the same exact way.

Samia they don’t deserve love. Stay strong. It does get better I promise xx

Omg i feel the same. I was cheated on over and over again, for 6 fucking years. And i was discarded once he already found/went back to a person he slept with during the 10 days we weren't together, and she is 12 years younger than me. I hate how my life was a lie for 6 years...we were engaged at one point...i was pregnant. All that gone, and he were in a relationship with her, 1 day after our break up. 2 months has passed, and l'm pendling between wanting him back, as well as hating him.

I feel the same. Hope you are better now. They dont deserve a piece of us

yes, I had to realize I 'failed' at being pleasing, at achieving 'mastery' of a relationship ideal I so desperately wanted to create, to prove to myself my own lovability, normality, okay-ness. I became so pre-occupied with him, that I lost my connection to me and all that was important in my life! and the more I invested, the harder it was to extricate (and admit failure). I wanted some 'success' to prove that all that I had invested wasn't for naught! I lost who I am beyond a pleaser of them; I lost me.

I'm so sorry 💔. I am six months separated from my husband of 27 years. It has been so painful 😢

@@PiscesinVa It is horrific and the world ended but please hang on there I promise you it will get better

@@dianne7250 TY, Im so very sad as I feel lost. Im getting through NO Contact for a few days now trying to dissolve property and marital crap!! Blessings

@@PiscesinVa yes you feel so exposed and raw as if every nerve has been exposed. Worst experience of my life. I lost everything too; You will get better that I assure you but when I do not know; imagine a warm wooly blanket around you; that is what I did anyway. Blessings to you also

40 years for me (I'm tempted to say "the biggest idiot of all" but I won't, LOL), then a betrayal by him of epic proportions, seemingly out-of-the-blue and without provocation. The shock and confusion almost killed me. Almost 1 year separated now and I continue to spend every spare minute educating myself about narcissism, which has made everything he has ever done make total sense. I should be focusing on getting my future more together but I'm just not quite there yet. Dr. Ramani's videos are fantastic, especially this one. I followed her suggestion and did up a list of all the things he's done that do not spell love to me (affectionately known as the s*** list") - and poured out over 50 items in less than an hour. I keep it handy and am referring to it now when I am tempted to doubt myself. One of his favorite things to say to me was that I was not forgiving and this list is proof of just how OVERLY forgiving I actually was. Facts over fiction! Another good idea (flared by Richard Grannon - amazing, check him out!), which I have not done yet, is to make a list of "what love means to me." I think this would help similarly, especially when one feels ready to consider moving forward toward another romantic relationship. I never thought I would have to put things on there like "being honest... not lying or gaslighting me...not stealing from me... not bullying me or being physically aggressive... and taking responsibility for one's actions" ... but I will. I think we all know what love is and know on some level that we deserve it. Sometimes we just have to break it down, analyze it, and recognize or admit that the current relationship we are in or the one we just left is/was not love - not even close.

Once you break up with a toxic person stop talking with them. Do not answer their phone calls, emails or text messages. Block them from your phone and your email. Do not continue to let these evil people contact you and speak rudely to you. They should no longer be part of your life. You need to get away from them completely.

Consider contacting police to report harassment. What you describe is illegal actions. Be safe.

@@susanmcguire4664 I want to go no contact but we have a dog. He's taken her but wants to share so he can work. I'm dreading seeing him again to have her for a few weeks. It's only 4 weeks since he left and it's very raw. I saw him earlier to exchange some belongings and it killed me to see him. I'm considering not ever seeing my dog again because I can' t bear to keep seeing him and having to maintain that contact because of her. So sad. :-(

@@jackie4290 I understand how stressful this feels for you. Remember you are stronger than you think and you will learn how to cope better as time goes by. Make yourself and your mental health a priority. Think about how happy you will feel spending time with your pet dog. Animals can be very comforting when we are going through stress. Wishing you all the best xoxo

I wish I could go no contact, but I have a daughter with my narc husband. She asks for him and wants to go visit him at times. That kills me.

Keep grey rocking! Don't give him anything to work with. You can do this x

Try being 16 and she 15, married at 25 after college, had gone through at the time and didn’t know about only God knows how many cycles of love bomb then discard. Her parents spoiled me, and probably knew she wasn’t your average daughter. She hid her NPD behind her Dad picking on her, her Mom having some bi-polar behavior, her PMS, her allergies, her depression, her saying she’s insecure and needs me (yeah, lots of flags), but in retrospect my Mom is a Narc, Pops a bully, and I became a codependent only trusting a female that I thought was pretty and needed me. Then I didn’t know I lacked trust. Our relationship went on til I was 53. Her constant devaluing and outlandish emotional cheating drove me nuts and I just couldn’t take it anymore and sabotaged by getting drunk and having the worst yelling devaluing each other. We divorced, six years later I’m still unable to date, and still suffer from cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding. Only thing that helps is my journaling since I’m a denial expert. That all said! Divorcing her was the best thing I ever did for me!!!!! I’d be debilitated now if we were still married.

Same here

Yes I agree every time I think of something good I come back to reality. One day at a time

Barb Jacobs or imagine them running around naked with a shitty diaper hanging.... they are truly that pathetic

@@user-dj7gc1wo7b wow that is innovative 😁

Barb Jacobs Hahahaha. I’m serious, too!

I do / did the same. This time there is someone else who will replace me. The worst feeling.

Forgive yourself for going back and being weak and stand in your power right now. Promise and trust yourself never to return

CatWipp i feel this, this is happening to me to :(

I feel this too. It’s been almost a week. 😣

listen guys... to be a narc means that you dot not have empathy.. that kind of person is so damaged that they think the world owns them for all the trauma they suffered. They will trample anyone that stands on their way. So I assure you, just for the fact that you care... that you have doubts if you are a narc, you are basically excluding yourself of that definition. There's no such a thing as a narc with a consciousness. Now.. one of the side-effects of that kind of toxic ppl interaction is projecting... if you don't watch out you will start believing their lies that you are the bad person. The only thing that you can blame yourself is for letting your guard down.. If a vampire knocks on your door, do you open it? That's basically what we are to blame... we invited abuse to our lives... time to heal. and to work on our self-esteem to not let it happen again.

Going through the same, detached yesterday and today i woke up feeling like maybe I am the narc, maybe I dint judge her fairly, feeling lonely and at a loss, its so weird when you have all this knowledge yet you still doubt yourself, the things they said when they broke you down and blamed you kinda still keep playing in your subconscious like a broken record.

I feel this too. But then I see that I have normal relationships with other people / friends; but not the narc. We are definitely not perfect, but we are not narcs. And the difference is that when we are in a relationship we can work through it rationally, but the narc cannot; that's when they play their game and we start thinking we did something wrong. ✌💕 Happy V day everyone.

After 2 and a half years I thought I could be friends with him but no he discarded me again. Yeah this time I am never reaching out to him. No contact for the rest of my life.

Sending you hugs of love. I know exactly what you are saying. I'm 59 and going through this stuff with family. Its crazy making stuff. My husband kept telling me over and over, but I just couldn't let go. I'm working on releasing it all now. It is so painful.

@@ruby-qv5bd We are so fortunate to have supportive partners. I bought this book by Lisa A Ramono: Loving The Self Affirmations: Breaking The Cycles of Codependent Unconscious Belief Systems It has been so helpful in my healing! She also has a youtube channel. Hugs

@@GypsyJulie Yes, thank goodness for our husbands supporting us. I wish I had listened to him sooner rather than later. I wasted many years on this stuff. What a complete waste of my years.

@@ruby-qv5bd Feel the same way. We can at least say we gave it our best. Also, if I had known what I was dealing with then, I would have ended it much sooner.

@@GypsyJulie Yes, I knew something was wrong, of course, but I needed my family what little bit there was to hold on to. That was my problem, I needed and wanted a family so badly that I was willing to give up who I was to get it. I didn't realize how much it cost me until I am now almost 60 years old. I was so sick, too. This is all that I knew and all of my siblings accepted things, so you just keep playing the sick game. I never thought family could be so bad even though I was experiencing it. I was in denial, too. I wanted to believe that they loved me. Well, I'm stronger now and I'm moving toward more peace and happiness in my life. I already wasted enough on these nuts, I'm not wasting anymore of my time. I often wonder how and if this all took a toll on my own kids. I know they saw me upset many times. It is really painful. It is so nice to reach out to others and find that we are not alone in our suffering, it is just so sad that there are so many people suffering from these things. Blessings to you and may you find peace.

how are you? are you still with us??

Keep reading studying and believing in yourself

Know that you are not alone. Read all these comments. There are many of us drifting out there with you.

So Sorry for the loss of your brother, wishing you best in your recovery and healing from the narc relationship.

Patricia Thralls, you are absolutely gorgeous 🌷🌷🌺🌹

I do the same! This is why I initially broke up with him, too. I realized that even the good times were only good because I was overcompensating or working far too hard to keep him balanced at best while ignoring the lack of reciprocity. Now I can tell that each 'pleasant event' wasn't even that pleasant. He just kept me on my toes, that's all 😑

Michael McPherson, I just looked at Todd Grande's KZfaq videos on "how to repel a narc." He has one for the vulnerable narc and one for the grandiose, and has excellent practical tips, infused with compassion and kindness! Good luck to you. I can't wait to try them out myself!

Rachel Hill thanks for the top tip I’ve watched a few of his vids😊👍🏾

Hahaha. So true man!! I have experienced similar stuff. Healing power to you 🙏

Wow... I literally asked that same question out loud/ to myself the other night before bed.

I’ve had extreme tests with narcs and sociopaths too. It’s worse cos people keep victim shaming me telling me it’s my fault that I’m attracting them. I feel they are major karmic tests and like I am fending off the sociopathic energies in a video game just where they have different physical bodies but more extreme and subversive techniques. Hope I’m done. Hope you are too. 🥰❣️

More power to you.

Just consider all the mental and physical things your body is going through. Its causing damage every single time. I'm just now getting out. The first stages. I left once and was so confused at what was happening but I knew it wasn't healthy. I saw my grown husband throw the worst tantrums and literally looked like 6 yrs old pouting and rage ! Because I said no. No is the worst thing to say to my husband. But I'm the only friend of his. He makes so many excuses as to why he doesnt have friends. I thought " your my best friend" was weird after only 6mo of dating. Pay attention! I could've saved 3 yes of my life. Thank god for this chanel!!

Rhonda Nerren, you look stunning 🌹🌹🌷🌷🌺

How is the writing going?

Rod Morrison it's a sucker of an unnecessary journey, isn't it! If only they could have been 'normal' been their best self, the self we saw in them. Sadly no, they can't......they have all the potential and almost none of the kinetic desire (to release their potential). Good kinetic desire is selflessness, kindness, compassion, thoughtfulness etc. It's not like dealing with a toddler or a dog.....training is easy when the treats are there. They don't wanna know when theirs no incentive. They don't wanna know that kindness should be met with kindness. They are toddlers walking about in adult bodies, which is a dangerous combo. It's also a wolf in sheep's clothing. It's bad parenting, mixed with poor choices and a touch of Lucifer. There is something in their heart and soul that has died. They don't have the computer programming for 'normal' love, compassion, can kindness etc. They don't know what you are talking about! They can't fathom it. And we are looking back but being able to fathom that they couldn't fathom it. Lol it's a farce really. Once you see it. Doesn't stop it being one of the saddest things that ever was. The persons with so much potential who self harm themselves and everyone around them because of their selfishness.

My sister, who has narcissistic treats, asked me when I was telling her I wanted to leave my bf, she asked what percentage of the time are you unhappy vs happy? I told her life is too short to live like that. She also has a very unhealthy relationship with her husband. He asked for a divorce in her birthday and breaks her stuff and you get the idea. Then I realized why she is still with her husband and how much I can't see myself in a toxic relationship.

@@judeemeraldbelle7545 this helped alot

@@alizarabbas9762 so glad to hear it.... But sorry our paths cross here for it means you have suffered needless pain and spent energy on a someone who doesn't deserve it. I can say, by the grace of God I 18months ago..after alot of healing from my heavenly father, (as my own logical stable emotional intelligence could not soar above the crazy making)...I met an empath....who I fell for and now married to this past 5months. I believe on God is the healing balm from the wounds of the evil narc....His nature is the complete opposite & God is good...even in the opening of our eyes&souls to the evil of Narcs/Narcissism. The truth sets us free :) God restored my soul & brought life to what the narc murdered inside of me. He is the healer if we call on Him. God bless your soul.

@@judeemeraldbelle7545 God Bless you too. He is certainly my hope too.

Sally Taylor,I admire your lovely smile 😊😍😍

Well done, leave them all in a dust clooud. Enjoy your new life.

Renee Morgan I feel for you and wish you the very best. I have just started a new beginning without my whole family. Be strong! Be happy! Love yourself!

Renee Morgan be strong, you know you’re a good person and none of this is to do with you. The problem is not you , it’s them.

Come to New York

Greta Helin, you got a lovely smile 😊😊🤙

The video about harlequin breaking up with joker..

Amy Riffle,you are too beautiful 🌹🥀🥀🌹🌹 to be with a narc 😈!

3 years late to the party but I'd love to hear his side of the story.