The only way to win the narcissist's game is to not play. Walk out and leave them alone with their icky victim/bully self.

I got rid of the narc and all of their monkeys (mutual friends) since the narc called a zoom meeting to try to convince the friends that I was crazy. None of them bothered to talk to me. No one considered that he was emotionally abusive for years so I got rid of all of them.

when they know, they have no more control over you, some narcissist will go as far as to go after your loved ones, just to get to you. That’s how low some will go.

Narcissistic people take all the credit, none of the blame.

Self-compassion is like kryptonie to the narcisist. Once you start loving and respecting yourself, you become able to start leaving the abusive environment and the abusers.

When a empathetic person loses their temper with a narcissist, the narcissist will turn it around and become the victim. Then the empathetic person feels they were wrong in their judgement and gives the narcissist a "break". I would also argue that if you are like an "empath" you will be so empathetic that you often become a doormat for the narcissist. Part of the reason I never stood my ground was because I as an empathetic person who never wanted to be seen as "the bad guy" in these situations. I felt that other people's vison of my character would be destroyed if I did not give people the "compassion" that everyone deserves. It took a lot of work on myself to realize that I was not giving myself compassion and allowing myself to be hurt to spare others' feelings. Self preservation can get distorted by being raised in this kind of environment.

Narcissist rage while being scary and dangerous, is really childish and pathetic

I just stay away from this kind of people, if they cant respect me i won't respect them, period

I think in dealing with narcissists it's best to work on myself- letting go of my "people pleasing" need to be liked, work on how I respond to conflict, and something that has helped me is to see them as a toddler having a tantrum instead of worrying about how much they like or hate me. Just step back and let them show themselves.

When I stood up to the narcissists, first they raged - failed. Then they gaslit me - failed. Then i was called crazy - that failed. Later I heard then they said they were scared and were afraid and thought i was going to hit them. Did it help to stand up? Not really Did it feel good? HELL YEAH😂 laugh and move one

First they act and lure you in. Then they start talking shit about you to others. Then they suddenly have a problem with you, that you didn’t even know about. Then comes the victim acting and blaming you while gaslighting you. Then you start to question yourself. Until you catch them at it again and again. Or multiple people catch them. These so called narcissists are not normal people. Their disgusting behaviour is malicious and gross.🤢

It’s so tragic, as you said. Just so sad. The more you try to love them, the more they push you away

That is so true. He constantly attacks the people I love most (behind their back of course)since he can no longer manipulate me. Pathetic and cowardly. Around him, I am devoid of any emotions. Like the weather, he exists and is tolerated. It took 50 years to see the light but I feel so much lighter. The situation at home remains the same but I am changed. His rage still unnerves me at times but his victim act leaves me cold. At 82, I am tired of all the drama. I can't leave but I am no longer his handmaiden. It's not ideal but I feel liberated.

My ex seems like he has his shit together until you catch him in a lie. Then comes the lashing out and victim complex, and it's always someone else's fault.

I have been a fan for nearly a decade. Your insight into the dynamics of narcissistic abuse has been honed and deepened exponentially. Survivors like me are super fortunate to have access to your knowledge and wisdom. Thank you.

My kiddos are his flying monkeys. It breaks my heart

Either way, Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't, so live well while you are alive!

Dr. Ramani, you have changed the course of my life. You are an oasis where I find strength and a bit of my old self-confidence. You have shed so much light on a subject I knew nothing about, was not even aware of for the 50 years I endured it. A lot of damage has been done. I have no friends left and have gotten used to living apart from the rest of society. I cherish your books and they bring me a great deal of comfort. You have shone a light on my darkest days and just maybe, my sense of self worth will re-appear at some point. Finding you has been the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time. Thank you.

Dr. Ramani is an angel sent from heaven. I know it sounds over the top, but honestly she is. She connects immediately on a level that is so amazing… with everyone. Dr. Ramani… you are cherished and appreciated beyond belief. Thank you so much.

The single child in an Asian family serves as both golden child and scapegoat. Being harshly scolded for being ungrateful when pursuing one’s own life - a normal one, or standing up to describe the truth after sensing the gaslighting, or expressing one’s own thoughts which happens to be different from the parent’s, or doing anything not exactly matching the parent’s ‘never communicated’ imagination, or bringing up being physically abused several times in childhood for which the parent genuinely doesn’t remember. As a single child and a truth teller, living in emotional abuse and enablers’ suppression for years, it’s the time.

In your may happen list it may happen because they're just committed to misunderstanding you. Another one is that they recognize your authenticity.

There's a difference between shame and guilt and the narcissist doesn't understand this because they wouldn't be able to do the inner work to understand the difference.

From my experience with narcissists, they can become very dangerous when losing control over you. The best thing you can do with a spouse/sexual partner is to go no contact as soon as you realize who you are dealing with and go so far as to move away as far as you can. I am now dealing with a covert "Christian" narcissist friend. It took me about 6 months to realize that this person was a narcissist. The realization came when the narcissistic rage appeared. There were other red flags inconsistent with the Christian faith that she was espousing. She tried to control the way I dressed (long dresses to the floor, long sleeve tops up to the neck, no makeup, no jewelry except wedding rings/wrist watches, can't style/color your hair, you must never cut your hair, you can't wear perfume, etc...) mind you I am OLD, and I dress modestly to begin with. The walking on eggshells feeling is making me sick, so I have begun the slowly backing away and will make my no contact move over time as I know she will seek out badly needed supply elsewhere. I can tell she will use flying monkeys to do her violent dirty work. Narcissists absolutely cannot be trusted, they will take revenge if they believe you have hurt them in anyway, even if the narcissist's wounding is all in their mind, and not even reality. You may not have any idea you have hurt the narcissist.

From a raging bully (I called her a demon) to victim in a split second. I had never realized. Thank you for an another great video 🌻

Sincerely I can't go to therapy and these videos have literally saved my life

In 30 years, I only viewed rage a handful of times. His MO was being highly passive aggressive and triangulation

Experienced this to a tee last February, with a narcissist friend. A RIDICULOUS blow up about me “pulling for” a sports team that isn’t theirs. I stood up for myself and WOW, they just went all the way off the rails! and they’re still not done ruminating on it, they just brought it up again a few days ago. Also I have noticed how they absolutely have to get people under control and they’ve been working for over a year or more to get someone who doesn’t want to speak to them anymore to be their “friend”- the other person was just tired of there malarkey but it’s like - well, you’re not allowed to abandon a narcissist, it’s all on their terms. Like, you will be my friend until I say so!

Narcissists don't have SELF-esteem, they have OTHERS-esteem. They rely on others to provide a positive self regard to them. Coming along with their lack of healthy self esteem is a lack of truly and deeply knowing themselves. If they can't see themselves how can they truly see you? So of course they treat others in the way they do, they use others to get their supply of positive self regard, while also being blind to your own needs and perspective.

The narcissist will attack you by the persons and objects you most love: your children, your home, your car, your bankaccount, your hopes, your dreams. If necessary with legal help.

In the 1980s, my mother managed to get my narcissistic father to ONE therapy session. She shared with me when I was older that they were in the office for less than 5 minutes before he was in full rage mode and stormed out of the office. On the ride home, he relentlessly raged at her. She lasted almost 50 years with him. 😢💔

And they love to use word-salad craziness to confuse the one calling them out so they'll lay off calling them to task.

My covert narc also did a lot of revenge. Hurtful things but ones that allowed him deniability. The added gaslighting was a special circle of cruel hell to live in.

Teaching people to be happy with themselves is much needed. I love this! A societal shift will happen.

Their shame is held private by their rage, even though shame is a public emotion. They sacrifice others.

Mine “went on vacation” with the kids, called and said “I won’t ask for alimony if you let us stay here” and when I said she can’t do that, called CPS and falsely claimed I beat our children. WORST PERSON EVER.

They pretend asking you many questions over and over and over again while collecting the information at the same time. You can see them texting sending some information, they think everyone is blind.

I collected narcs like charms on a bracelet because of childhood trauma. The ones that are left in my life don't seem to understand why I now find their behavior disgusting and leave when they rage or act like spoiled children. I just leave.

...a healthy person understands freewill while a narcissist/toxic/dark person is a master of coercion, sad indeed😔many thanks Dr. Ramani for all the insights🙏🌷🕊💝🤗

Yep 100%. When I stopped tolerating the physical and emotional abuse, he totally lost it. Shame, rage, victimization, all of the above. I got a protection order and divorced him. I’m on my healing journey and life is so much more peaceful now. ❤

Please Dr. RAMANI EXpand on the topic of GENERATIONAL FAMILY NARCISSISM! MY family on both my father's and mother's bloodlines are CLEARLY highly Narcissistic.

Betrayal from a few flying monkeys brought me to my knees. Still blown out of the water by this. I manage but will never fully heal from it. Their loss actually you know .. they’re the ones who are going to stay conned not me.

He started to plot he coerced my mom’s will. 100% to 30%. My cousin, who I don’t like, was named trustee. When my mom died I didn’t find out until after the Statute of limitations tolled. Now my cousin is dragging me through the court and ruin me financially. I became so anxious. I was suffering so much. I was losing my ability to walk.My doctor and friends told me to take a holiday. Tonight is my first night in Paris. It’s a dream come true. I needed this so much. Mercí.

And shame is what paralyzes me from removing myself from the only system I know. No matter what, I will be shamed if I walk away from the narcissists. I don't know how to free myself, I hope I can get answers from your book and the strength to carry it out.

I’d love a video to break down the rage spiral more. I left a narcissistic spouse many years ago and, at the time, noticed when he was angry it did not ramp down after an outburst, like a non-narcissist does, but instead ramped up. I also experienced this in the workplace with a boss, where if I calmly and professionally held my own when he was unhappy with something I had done his inappropriate level of anger ( swearing, raging in front of the team) was then directed at me. In one instance I experienced retaliation by having my hours cut and being told I could determine what that “means” to me. I responded with “it means I am out of here” and left the company in a huge bind because I was the only licensed person in the state who could sign plans. I had ZERO regret on that decision (and some enjoyment, I have to admit). While I see how many

The narcissistic boss tried to fire me and turn everyone against me when he couldn't manipulate me anymore

Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!!!👍❤❤❤

I had a narcissist get mad at me because I wouldn't take a drug possession charge for her. She figured that because it was a "first offense" for me I would get "diversion and probation". She was facing jail. In her thinking, I should have fallen on the sword for her. They were her drugs! She then spent weeks berating me for not loving her enough. Thankfully she was right. It took me a long time to get there.

49:09 “Allowing yourself to be harmed in the name of love ISN’T love!” 50:57 “…keep in mind that self-compassion is like kryptonite against the charms of the narcissist… the narcissist is rendered powerless and you can finally walk away.”

Sadly these behaviors are criminal for harm and theft committed against the unsuspecting legitimate victims. Too many decent people are physically mentally financially harmed by these actors. They allowed to be excused to continue these criminal behaviors to other unsuspecting decent individuals innocent lives can be lost and all too often the victim is expected to walk away take the high road unless these out of control enabled are removed and held accountable.

My soon to be x husband has been a chronic apologist, hypochondriac, always the victim, and is also a ‘nice guy’. It’s so hard to look back on years of believing him and knowing that I was never getting anywhere or never being a priority in their world. It’s depressing.

I've been cut off from some of my family because I finally spoke up for myself and its absolutely inexcusable to speak up. It's crazy to think ppl that raised me turned their backs on me just like that. But I'm happy that my children aren't going to fall into the same trap. When I'm wrong I apologise to my children. I want them to advocate for themselves. I feel like I'm the adult I needed growing up.

I have listened to you for a few years now. Thank you for putting this information out there. We have needed this years ago. People, please pay attention! It will save your energy!

All of this, is my life, right now. Looking back, I made a huge mistake, telling him that he should feel ashamed of himself, for being such a liar. That must have really stroked a nerve, as he's been libelling me on social media, without me knowing, for years. Not one mutual friend said anything to me about it. I now keep those people at an arms length.

Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done MetaspyHub@gmail. com,,

I will watch this several times to ensure I embrace all of this in my mind.

They also take out false allegations on supply that discard them!

Using family as their flying monkeys is the worst ... friends are terrible ones too but family has that extra betrayal feelings. The hurt is devastating and deep which is why they use them to hurt us. It leaves you not knowing who to turn to or trust. To have them constantly trying to hurt you in any way they can and tell so many lies (flipping everything they did to you -DARVO) is draining and just horrible as you try to stay silent , not defend yourself and stay grey rock. Exhausting & Torturous!!

The moping..."You're the only sister i have left" the older sibling says after years of abusing both sisters...i would not take the bait she went into a rage at my grand daughters wedding.🙄

Thank you Dr.Ramani.

Kids that scream and through themselves on the ground because they don't get what they want, are narcissists in the making. I'm not talking about "terrible twos". It's the kids that know the difference between right and wrong and still act like big babies.

Great video Dr.Ramini! It makes sense of all the crazy. Invaluable information. I am at peace. Working on compassion for self .After hours and hours of videos, I don't need to focus on the narcissist any longer. Thank you!!! You are a true gift to all. ❤

Love you and your videos!!

Oh Dr Romani, again you used your expertise your compassion and the kindness out of your day to sit and make this so helpful video on narc shame. Thank you for bringing the light out of the darkness. Helping us to understand shame has no business being in a child's life. I wish I could scream that from the rooftops.. please people get counseling if you have been in the manipulative patterns of the narc relationship. It doesn't go away easy. And we don't need to try and do it on our own.. a wolf in sheep's clothing.

It's absolutely nuts how "Manchurian candidate" my brain wants to go when the narc suddenly becomes the victim. Thank you Dr. for walking through that example so thoroughly. It takes practice to recognize and pause enough to choose a response and this really worked for me!

One I know wants total forgiveness without acknowledging their actions. It’s just due them. So having anything but a very superficial relationship is impossible.

40:00 In my experience with the whole "discarding" thing... They want to discard you, but they want to be JUSTIFIED in doing it so that it appears as though you deserved it and they had to get away from you. Or they want YOU to discard THEM so they can play the victim and point the finger at you for the relationship ending ("I knew you never cared about me or wanted this to work"). I realized that a solid way of defeating this and cutting off their supply/leverage was to tell them as undramatically as possible, "I think we should get space from this situation for a while, but we can still be on good terms and remain friends if you want". It robs them of BOTH of those means of supply because you won't be affected by a future discard/silent treatment but at the same time, you aren't dramatically discarding them either so they are unable to play the victim. It denies them the chance to blame you for any future drama and makes it painfully obvious who the aggressor is whenever they try to cause chaos with you out of the blue. That said, they will still try to lie and say that you needing space is somehow the equivalent of "shutting them out" (I know from experience), but all you have to do is keep holding strong and maintaining that they have every opportunity to be friendly with you if that's what they desire. They will reject your civility every time but still claim that it's YOU who is causing the problems. It outs them every time as seeking chaos and turmoil when you aren't participating and ONLY giving them the option to be cordial with you. Of course, this doesn't really do anything in the long run except make them out themselves. They will never stop antagonizing you or trying to pull you back into the drama so....the only real conclusion to the story is to cut them off for good.

My ex-spouse had a terrible childhood, and I loved her as fiercely as I could, but she was abusive, and there was nothing I could do to "fix" the situation. I can only feel compassion from a safe distance with her 100% out of my life. I am now divorced and no contact, and mostly I feel scared for anyone who is in her life - she is getting worse as she ages.

Thank you. When I realized what was going on..I distanced myself and walked away from it. You’ve been so helpful..I was so confused and took all the rage personally. I don’t anymore. I don’t engage. Took my toys and went home to my heart! No place like home. I’m free! 😊 ❤

Someone once described a vulnerable narcissist as aggressively vulnerable. I cannot even explain how accurate this is. It's the "victim-bully" complex Dr. Ramani was talking about.

This is one of the videos that best explains my experience. The problem is the narcissist I co-parent with is trained in counseling psychology and also grew up in "polite" society so he has the skills to appear stable or turn it on in front of others or weaponize therapeutic language and "politeness."

Thank you so much for the education - sadly needed to catch up when my uncle died leaving my 80 year old aunt at risk.

Wow. Watched this all the way through and feel a lot more content with my recent decisions.

Thank you. I appreciate your videos and knowledge. You have helped me immensely in understanding and getting through a very difficult narcissistic relationship. Bless you!

This episode and many more has helped me tremendously to recognize what I'm going through, they flying monkeys hurt as much as the discard, devaluation and the smear campaign. But in the process of separation. Thank you Dr Ramani for using your platform of knowledge to save lives including mine. Once again thank you , looking forward to being separated from my narcissist husband.

Wow every single point mentioned in this video resonated with me!! Dr Ramani, your videos has been a lifesaver to me. It helped me open my eyes and now that I'm divorced for 3 months... I'm not viewing them all like I used to (since 2022) but tonight I decided to listen to the whole 1hr video and I'm so glad I did. It was a great reminder for me, that I was never crazy or asking too much. I was discarded, abandoned and disappointed but his whole family, my mother and a few friends... And even my youngest son... So it's been tough. But this video reminded me. Thank you ❤❤❤

I was discarded multiple times but the last time when I finally followed through on his wishes for me to be gone. That’s when the rage hit because I wasn’t going to just pretend everything was going back to the status quo.

I really liked the entire video and found myself saying,”YES.YES! “ Thanks.

The one I dealt with just gave up and ghosted - because I had made my boundaries too clear for his comfort. I think he had so many others lined up that would compliantly drink the Kool aide without question- that going after me was a waste of his time.

When it comes to dealing with flying monkeys, the tricky part is that they too are a very case-by-case situation. First it's important to discern which type of flying monkey you're dealing with, as in their danger level, the power they possess or seek to possess, how harmful they are or could be, and how essential their existence needs to be present in your life (eg. if they're a colleague/team member/boss figure, family member, relative, someone highly active and present in your friend group, etc); if cutting off ties to them is not an option, a possible (but could be tiring) route is to test feed them innocuous yet seemingly 'juicy' gossip which I compare to giving someone sugar but actually it's splenda so that eventually they'd think that you're not a good or reliable source for relevant gossip for their own benefit and eventually involve you less in their enabling ways. If they try to get you to badmouth the narcissist, or try to use word salad to make you spill some intel relating to the narcissist, once you detect it, go deep on some completely useless information relating to their topic but ever so slightly change the subject to something about them that you perhaps find complimentary to stoke their ego, most likely they'd have forgotten their original idea of milking info from you after you inflated their ego and they flutter off to some other source. Keep doing this and all you become in their mind is a 'friend' who makes them feel good but holds no info they need or involved in any drama. Hope this method works for you guys. I find that this method of protecting ourselves though may require us to manipulate the manipulator back, is a good way to approach the flying monkeys as it doesn't exploit any innocent people or leave any collateral damage while protecting ourselves.

Thank you, Dr. Ramani for uncovering another specific angle that the narcissist uses posing as a victim while hiding and manipulating flying monkeys. I’ve learned that many of these attributes mirror more than 1 family member in my life. It’s an unhealthy breeding cult that carried through generations of my family. The “victim/bullies” you nailed, Dr. R. Thank you! 🙏🏻💯💖

So right, so good Dr. Ramani 🙏🌹👍🏻🙋🏻‍♂️Thank you for your support on many victims healing journey! After listening to what you have to say it reliefs the pain and it gives a bright outlook to everyone’s future 😊☀️☺️🙋🏻‍♂️ Thank you so much 🙏

The way you talk about the narcissist’s rage with such glee makes it obvious you haven’t processed your own rage!

Do not let them hurt your feelings!!! Have empathy for anyone other than them!!!!!!!!!

For they are like stones, we will never change them.

Thanks, Dr. Ranani...I have learned so much from you and I have become immune to the narcissists in my life...not interested in making this work, and finally, they have caught on to the fact that I know what they are doing. And that I have distanced from them! Then, as you said, they produced the rage and attempted gaslighting that you talked about, and then they discarded me. I am SO glad that this happened with these people! The workplace is much more calm and peaceful, and since I have not invested any more time and effort to put up with them, the devaluation and discard coming my way from them, is a blessing. I AM OUT OF THE SITUATIONS. I really do have an immunity to this behavior because I have learned from you what it REALLY is so I just let it roll off and don't engage. I am grateful for all I learned from you. Will these folks be able to hoover me? NOPE! it's over! Thanks for all you teach us and for the tips and explanations you shared. You are the BEST!

I knew what would unfold when I chose my self and my family over baby sitting my own mother. Once she began trying to shame me into submission her family openly began tearing me down. I will say that it was really disappointing seeing the amount of family openly hating and threatening me the second I refused to be abused anymore. I also find it insane how I'm labeled as the crazy one for refusing to partake in the whole thing.

I was devastated when my narcissistic ex left me. He was controlling and passively aggressive. He was a coward and left me with two young children. He snuck out with his things while I was at work. I really wanted to know why he left and he didn’t tell me until months later. His answer was “You treated me bad”. Bully to victim and a victim he remained!

The thing with social media is the narcs rage control act utilised in physical situations is switched off when on the net. They aren't facing the person they are abusing and think they can say anything. They often don't stop to think that when you plant that post or press send, that vileness is out in the cyberworld forever.

I knew when a rage was coming. I would hear the build up begin in the living room as she "talked" to my dad. I would catch bit's and pieces of the conversation as she got herself more and more worked up. At the right moment she would come into my room (I was about 10 yr old) and order me out. I followed her and would stand off to the side somewhere in the kitchen, usually in a corner while she settled herself into a kitchen chair. Ding, Ding, let the verbal beating begin. While not all of the beatings were rages some were just an endless, "You are a loser" and "And you are not going to amount to anything." I would stare at her until I started seeing double, which seemed like a lot of time. When I got older I wished nothing but death to her which she knew - hate poured out of every cell in me. The secession worked when I was young as I would head back to my room calling myself a loser and I can't do anything right. Nothing was off limits for her. From friends, to my slower disposition; I was a relaxed person, to my physical looks. Even today I can barely take a compliment. She really liked to rip my friends apart. Sometimes when she was on a role I would be directed to get my brother because it was his turn. In silence we would pass each other. She is dead now having passed a month ago. Finally the care nurse stopped asking me to come see her.....She asked, "Has your mom burned all her bridged?" "I said, "Yup" She is now ashes in a box, in a bag on my deck. I have to slide the bag around sometimes as it gets in the way. I have no idea what to do now. Well, I kinda do but God wouldn't be too happy with me.

7:03 O.M.Gosh, with Narcspouse, i canNOT tell you how many times he would rattle off a checklist of everyday UNextraordinary tasks he'd done... and act scorned that the world had not patted him on the back for them all!! // (sorry, another OMG moment 4 me...) 10:04 the only antidote to Shame... is Humility. Uncle Iroh from the animated series Avatar: the Last Airbender, when he corrects Prince Zuko, is marvelous for teaching this. ❤

I think this was your best video yet!!!!! Thank you!!!!!

This is the BEST COMPILATION! Thank you! Dr. Ramani

I was in a relationship twice with narcissistic people. Those things linger, and unfortunately can linger in your own actions. One of the narcissist would not stop, and when I would leave, they wouldn't except it and leave me alone. For the surrounding friends of that situation leaned more towards the narcissistic person, and because of those reasons I left all those relationships because of massive trust issue that ended up developing.

Where would I be without your channel?! Thank you for your work and content sharing. ❤❤🎉

Thank you for the content 💯

I have spent a huge amount of time listening to dr ramanis podcast on this exact subject. What i expected to happen was a sense that i could understand and come to some sort of resolution for myself . What i have experienced was huge amount of grief . It did remove the shame which helped me to not stay stuck in a place i did not want to be. Going down rabbitholes trying to not repeat my past. So i took a break and spent it , working on my radical acceptance. And feeling through my grief. Im back at it again. The more i learn the more i am aware of present situations. The better i feel about where i am in comparison to where i was.

The “it was a joke, can’t you take a joke”. I’ve never known this level of passive aggressive behaviour before. Didn’t matter how many times I explained how his “sarcasm” was impacting me, how I felt like I was always being criticised and put down….his response was to double down and say “I’m going to keep saying things until you take it less personally”.

I found the Flying Monkey that came at me to also be a narcissist.

the narccisitic rage i am experincing from two people i moved in with in a house during a rental crisis , is making me feel so depressed , i cry daily to get rid of my own anger that the injustice triggers , and then i keep pretending because the grey rock seems to trigger them . and they play the victim , this is so terrifying. i feel so alone. please someone read me .

My mother would never walk away. She'd start accusing everyone of being ungrateful & telling everyone how much she does for everyone, which was always loaning or giving money.