“You can spend your entire life trying to please an unpleasable person.” BINGO

Being in a narcissistic relationship will even make your shadow start doubting it’s existence.

I was tremendously relieved when I realized my husband was a narcissist. Suddenly everything made "sense" and could start to deal with it.

Being in a narcissistic relationship - feels like you’re on a walk with someone, and they’re either walking ahead of you or falling behind. You’re rarely walking in sync.

For me it was the “I think I’m crazy and I need help because nothing makes sense”

Knowing they are narcissistic is the only form of closure you will get

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail.com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

Being in a narcissistic relationship drains your confidence and makes you constantly second-guess your decisions because you're always told you're too much. The dehumanization is beyond what I can comprehend. How can someone say so many hurtful words? Don’t couples fight out of love rather than pure hate?

It is devastating to have to admit and accept that someone you love is harmful to you. That they manipulate, abuse and mistreat you. That it's not your fault and that you can't do anything to get the person you love to change. It is very painful

Married for 35 years with 4 children. Husband passed and 5 years later coming to the realization of what he was and how he treated me. During our marriage I wanted to leave but knew I couldn’t support myself with children and knew he would fight me every step. After he passed I didn’t want anything to do with another relationship. At first it was a aha moment then a feeling of lose of what I never had and now sadness and anger. Therapy here I come.

More grief follows when you realize someone close to you has antagonistic and antisocial tendencies - someone with whom you want a great relationship.

"the best worst thing you could learn" so very true

Knowing who you are dealing with is the first step to freedom.

Having been in one for 6 months too long, I can see the signs NOW. Took me TWO years & damn near $20 thousand to a lawyer to get that squatter out of my house after I broke up with him in 2022. Finally FREE of that leech!

I still grieve for several relationships I thought I had, empathetic and loving. When I realized the truth about the narcissists, I could never go back, all hope was gone. What I did was get help to understand what I'd experienced and I moved on to healthier relationships. My grief will always be with me, but it has lessened over time.

Dear Dr. Ramani, What you do is important work. Thank you for saving my life. "Free your mind, your ass will follow."

I went through it. I've been out of it for 5 years. I went through it for 3 and half years. I've never gotten into another relationship. He destroyed me. I can't date or get into relationships. Every time I try, it causes so much anxiety and stress. I'm in therapy. We talk about it all the time and it helps. But I don't trust anyone. I don't even trust myself. It's horrible.. but I am happy in general. I keep my circle small. I practice self love and self care. But I Still suffer the effects of all that he did to me. The beatings, the constant berating, and false accusations. It's taken a toll.

I went to a therapist. She diagnosed me as Bordeline... then after the second session in which my husband came and talked with her next to me... she took back that diagnosis. In the next session she told me he was a narcissist and that I needed to leave him. I never went back to her. And never told my husband... and of course he told everyone I was crazy and didn't want to get better. I'm so glad that's in my way back past and not my present.

By the time you get to the end of 25 years is a shocking disgraceful marriage, there is no love, the heavyness is the legal finance and property battle.

Holy cow. All of this is so true. The statement of “otherwise you could easily sacrifice your entire life trying to please an unpleasable person” is just mind blowing. It makes me want to cry for those who are victims 😢💔

Narcissric Abuse Reparation Fund!?! That’s a good one!

‚I feel like I‘m always complaining‘ was my main thought while being with a neglectful narcissist. And I am normally a pretty chill people pleaser, always was before him and went back to that character after him. I didn’t feel like myself at all during that relationship.

I need help. Whenever I meet a new person, the first thought that comes to my mind is, 'I hope he isn't a narcissist.

My therapist asked me what I wanted from therapy & I said 2 things: how to find equanimity (in my emotional life,) and how to get my husband to be kind to me. That was the beginning of the rabbit hole of enlarging awareness...

There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at digitalinvestigate@gmail.com where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........

My Mom used to tell my dad that he needed to see a therapist. He finally did. After a couple sessions the therapist asked to also have my mom in on the sessions. Mom refused to go, and those therapy sessions got shut down in a hurry. A few weeks before my dad died, he told me "You kids are going to have a terrible time with your mother". He was right. My Narc ex-husband stepped in to help. It takes a horse's rear end to deal with a horse's rear end. She eventually had to be placed in assisted living because no one (not even the Ex) could handle the situation. That poor woman was really hell on wheels.

The best worst thing you could ever learn 🎯💔

I don't take extra responsibility anymore. I don't help those who try to take advantage of me. Let them struggle with things. Their problems are theirs. 😊

So true Dr. Ramani. Narcissists love to say others are labeling them when narcissists are the ones that label others. They say anything to divert from what they are actually doing.

What followed the realization for me was overwhelming grief.

The most important thing about relationships is what did I learn from this interaction.

I need to listen to these videos everyday. Like an apple a day keeps the doctor away. This helps me not being so confused if I am wrong. I just got a mail from my ex and it wasn't anything bad. Just he had come back from Spain and wondered if I wanted to buy back a painting he bought from me. He is all about money and status. Today I felt more stressed than usual. And asked someone in my family if he was down there in Spain or back in Norway. She told me she heard he would be there with his ex-wife til June 12. Just after that when I opened the mail it was like someone punched me in my stomach and my anxiety aroused. It's increadable that just one mail from him creates anxiety after over one and a half year. I will not answer that mail. Just be silent. Thank you again for these short but very much needed videos ❤

I was happy when I discovered who - and what - I had been involved with because I knew while I was in those environments they weren't healthy, I just didn't have the back story, language, whatever to define it. It validated my feelings and thoughts, once I found out, that I had during the relaitionships and knew I wasn't "crazy." That knowledge was the genesis of who I am today, and for that I am more than grateful! Stay Healthy!

I have had many family members ask me why I stayed with my husband for 33 years if he was a narcissist and treated me so badly! Unless someone is married to one you have NO idea!!! My husband was a firefighter and paramedic and fooled everyone!

Please tell us about narcissists who have a disability. How they treat their caregivers. I’ve been waiting for this episode for years. My ex narcissistic husband was diagnosed with infertility. For 12 years I experienced some of the biggest pains.

I have been in devastation for over a year. It is so true what you say. A therapist myself for decades, I am on my knees in the pain I feel as I go thru to understand a lifetime of not understanding the suffering I’ve been. I’m getting it and the 2 year new coupleship that showed me masks can drop after such a long time, the inroads to how I accept abuse from others from a childhood and marriage that groomed me out of me unknowingly. At 66, and in therapy for years, the deeper truths are freeing me of what Ive lived and now heal from a new lens. Can’t thank you enough. It’s SO PAINFUL right now and it’s real and your statement of the abuse is the “hollowing out of magnificent people” I hold dear as I heal this suffering into my own light that never left.

I can't win. ❤😂🎉 At 72 now recovering and finding myself in a similar situation as if 22, ....... Freedom alive and well. ❤😂🎉 Thank you Dr. R

If the person in the narcissistic relationship doesn't want help but constantly complains about all the bad behaviors, it's really draining to be that persons friend. I recently lost a friend to this because I am on my own mental health journey and being around him and his partner was really destructive for me and he could never admit that there was an actual problem even though it was all textbook narcissism. I tried to be there for him and comfort him but it got to the point where the narcissists behavior was bothering me more than the actual victim! I had to get out of there before I got completely sucked into their push and pull cycle. And in the end the narcissist still won because now that person has no more friends because he pushed everyone away.

I didnt used to call my family narcissists either until after over 55 yrs being the family scapegoat and it culminating in a family mobbing situation where i had to go no contact then researching on line about CPTSD and gaslighting which luckily my therapists pointed out to me, that led me to eventually learning about narcissists and narcissistic abuse and scapegoat abuse but it took me over 4 1/2 yrs to finally understand. Its only because of your channel and others that i can even name it correctly now. It devastated my life, my family. I will be healing now for the rest of my life. But your right, at first i didnt know what it was and i was stuttering when i finally made it to the therapist who first told me i had CPTSD. Also as time goes on, with more time away from the situation the more i realize i was being "reactively abused" and had become a target in the community. Which made the whole situation worse and made me look like the bad guy! I have to heal so that my nervous system calms down and i stop being so reactive, but im not the one who started this, it started in childhood when my parents decided to make me the family scapegoat. But in the end I have to take responsibility for what that family dynamic did to me and stay no contact and heal. Its the only way.

Yep. 40 years of silence. Although I did say to my current therapist, "My ex is a super covert sadistic malignant narcissist who is almost certainly also a psychopath or sociopath." But by then I'd read so many books, articles, youtube posts, blogs, etc., on the topic that it was like saying, "He's got blue eyes." Fact.

Been out of one for almost two years now, and it took me a long time to find myself again, to laugh, to smile. I still haven’t been in love since, it hurt a great deal. While mine had her next supply at the ready. And all I’m left with is a mix of good and bad memories of someone I once loved so much.

It’s a tough bind to spot and or be in!

There is a huge price to be paid for freedom. But it’s worth it. Even when you escape, the work involved in making sure you do not pass on or perpetuate narcissism is huge. I don’t comment on my ex ever. I do not think or speak about him. I refuse to centre him in my life any more. If my children ask how I feel about him I say ‘neutral’. In fact I can hardly remember anything about our 35 years together. It wasn’t a relationship. It was at best a series of transactions. Transactions (e.g. with a builder) are hardly memorable.

The ones in a narcissistic situation are - indeed, sometimes clueless. A lot of times they defend the abuse. If they are defending they usually have never heard of narcissism. Thankfully with all the awareness and work esp dr Ramani and others are putting out about narcissism, maybe the day is coming where we can say: “have you ever heard about narcissism? Do you think this could be what you’re dealing with?” But they may whip around to defend and protect the abuser. So the big question is, how does one ever approach someone who you suspect is getting devoured in a narcissistic situation? You can see all the signs but how do you ever tell them? They are usually the most protective of the abuser, and the most unable to see (naturally). A great video idea might be for dr Ramani to make a video that a concerned friend or family member can show to someone who in trapped in the throes, and maybe dr Ramani can gently coax them into understanding what is going on. It’s something that is very real. Survivors can see it but others, especially enablers around the victim, might not.

Yeah I went to see a psychologist because I wanted her to help me identify what wrong with my relationship, I didn't understand what was going on, I suffered panic and anxiety attacks, he insisted on going with me. First two sessions were about him, 3rd session psychologist wanted to hear me, he cut me short claiming he understands what he's putting me through and he was sorry. The psychologist told him he needs to realise me and the kids are not his mom and dad, he is punishing the wrong people. When we left there he got worse,went on a drinking spree, later cheated and left evidence where I could reach it. Begged me not to leave, eventually I left when I found out about narcissism. As he was only getting worse!

The biggest red flag is a soft spoken people pleaser aka the nice kid

I remember being at a doctor appointment and telling the doctor that I was having fight or flight most days with no conscious known cause. It was another 8 months when the rose-colored glasses came off completely. I was devastated.

I was diagnosed with BPD while in the middle of a very toxic relationship. This only served to solidify in my mind that it was me who was the problem! I finally had enough and recently went NC and I’m now beginning to question that diagnosis. I wonder how many other people this happens to…

The first time I went to the therapist I told her the reason to visit was that I was getting angry all the time. I wanted to find out how to overcome my anger. Now I realize those were just oppressed feelings, I was letting out as anger.

They're the ones who look like the big vein in their head is about to POP!

I freaking love you❤❤❤! You're work is making waves, so many now use the word narcissist. People are talking about it, and even the worst of them use the word 😂. #narcissist #psychology #selfawareness

"Knowing someone is narcissistic is the 'best, worst thing' you could learn." Oh god god is that dead on. Absolutely.

Perfectly said Dr.! There is no wins here.

“Theres no narcissist abuse reparation fund!” I chuckled cause, if only! 😂 Thank you for this video because this is what I encounter in real life! People just start complaining about the person who is abusing them! Nobody uses the word narcissist! Online people use it a lot because maybe they feel safer to express it?! It’s still a taboo word in real life! I often think that the people complaining about the label are enablers, naive or narcs themselves and you make a good point about people not using it correctly! We are human and even we mess up words like dye & die or use words incorrectly sometimes! I’ve noticed a lot of young people have taken to coddling narcs and I guess thats their lesson and journey to learn and I understand why you said at the end “aren’t we all a little bit narcissistic, no!” Because now the trend is that, when you have spoken about us all having these traits, some of the time! Being online is exhausting and is why I just use youtube now. People are chronically online and acting like it’s the real world! They also miss the narcs in real life because they expect narcs to just tell them or have a scary face 🤦🏽‍♀️ anyway, again, great video Dr Ramani!

I’ve yet to watch this video but I’d say it could go a number of ways - either someone is quite shy/quiet OR someone can come across as friendly/quite confident. I’m abit of both eventhough i suffer severe anxiety and have very low self esteem, so It’s not always easy to spot. I can be defensive and negative too, these being invisible scars from years of this insidious abuse.

It is really hard to broach the subject even when you see the signs, it is like an invisible line you don't pass. There are inquiring looks, noted actions observed and telling looks, hugs and assurances when acquaintances. Everyone wants to see the best in people and when others doubt your reality it makes you question yourself.

I still question whether my 10 year relationship was narcissistic or just a bad case of Anxious/Avoidant attachment. I would like to think it was just anxious/avoidant; however, One of the things she tried to weaponize against me at the end of our relationship was her family response to our divorce, and my family response. Most of my family was done with her after a vacation trip we had a couple of months prior. Her family was very sweet and wanting us to find a way to save the marriage. One of the key things that I cling to when reviewing this relationship was the weaponization of everything and her spin on it to fit her narrative and her expectations of me. Everything that she chose to do in an argument she justified with her feelings, and never held any accountability for when she took her anxious behaviors too far. It didn't matter what her actions were, whether she called me names or yelled at me. If I tried to call her out on it it only made her worse and more angry and more justified with anything else she chose to do.

This is crazy. I almost asked my psychologist to test me for BPD once because I thought my anxious feelings were misplaced and too grand.

Maybe it’s because I had already escaped from my abusive family, but I felt relief when I realized that my matriarchal grandma is a malignant covert narcissist. It explained so much, & was very validating for me.

My number one go to, and this isn’t just for Cluster B’s, any toxic person who isn’t worthy of your time and attention, just set a simple boundary. If they can’t handle a simple boundary that tells you everything you need to know. Don’t look back. As they say “ BYE FELICIA”.

Thank you so much. You too, ourselves back to ourselves. What a gift to receive and give❤

So I met an acquaintance for dinner. She is working on a failing marriage and it turned out to be a good talk. I was surprised at all the commonalities.

Thank you very much for all the content you are making. It makes a huge difference hearing it all! Sadly I think people learn about this matters "the hard way" or pay more attention just after being trapped in some kind of relationship with narcissistic person. It is really important to spread as much information about the topic as possible to public - thank you for that! ❤

I tell you i had never heard of narcicissm, aged 54 ,divorced ,done lots education on it ,mothers one ,soul destroying evil to the core . And i tried all my life ,to make it work .

Make room for the now enlightened targets of narcissistic abuse. Who have done the painful work of facing this reality. And learned from Dr Ramani. ❤

I appreciate this safe space and the wealth of knowledge for support. Thank you.

Great stuff - as a clinician and personally - I needed this. Thank YOU Dr.!

Yes, you are exponentially helpful, Dr. Ramani-and what you just stated is absolutely true! THANK YOU!!!

Thank you so much for validating our experiences dr Ramani ❤

Dr. Ramani, you have helped me tremendously, and the timing just smashed it!!! Thanks, EVERSO.

Very important and caring video Dr Ramani ❤ Thank you 😊

This is a great subject and one I was just discussing with a friend recently. We were discussing how we see a common theme of victims of narc abuse also suffering from untreated ADHD, I’d love to see a deeper study done. Appreciate your work, Dr. Ramani! I actually just ordered It’s Not You on Amazon this morning after bingeing your podcast

Hallelujah!!! I’m the favorite, $60,000 every week! Now I can afford anything and also support the work of God and the church.

First time I’ve seen this topic…THANK YOU!

Thank you 🙏🏻 I had to hear that, and I should listen to this video every day, especially when I am asking myself “am I the one who is selfish if I leave this relationship?” or telling myself other self gaslighting tales.

Thank you Dr Romani you are keeping me alive .with your knowledge on this evil ,cause it is .

For the stage that I am in ….. this was SUCH an answer!!! She brought the heart and soul back to this conversation. It made feel seen …. AGAIN! She is amazing 🥰 brought me to tears.

I would have said Dr Ramani. I am so confused and discouraged, I feel paralyzed. I can barely breathe. My husband has stopped communicating and I feel he might have a lover. I didn't know about Narcissistic Personality Disorder until I after the discard (his affair) and I divorced him. It's been over 3 years of hard work on recovery from the emotional and physical damage of that toxic 15 year marriage.

BTW, love your outfit here, Dr. Ramani!

Thank you SO much Dr. Ramani. You might not ever know how much you have helped me to unlearn so many atrocities and lies that I took accountability for my whole life. Exhausted now with my new perspective is overwhelming and an understatement. You soothe my spirit. Thank you. ♥

I think I need you as my therapist!!! I’ve watched enough of your videos I feel like I could talk to you and you’d be so easy to open up to

Thank you Dr. Ramani. My name is Teyani. Please make more videos about handling methods with passive aggressive narcissism. 🌄

Narcissistic abuse reparation fund-ha! Love that. I sure wish there was one. I’d have a big fat check headed my way for sure.

This especially happens if you have narc parents...and then end up in narc romantic relationships. While we are all accountable, it's very, VERY easy to be tricked into relationships with these people. Nearly a lifetime of feeling like I'm the crazy one and like I have BPD (when I'm being actively abused) is tough some days.

Sometime it looks like there is no problem, unless you have seen family members live out the script from love bombing to financial control and abuse. A friend told me she had found her "soul mate". She is still in the bliss stage but when I finally met him, I"felt" SO many red flags.

28 years being in cognitive dissonance, illusions, breadcrumbs, confusion, devaluing, gaslighting, lying and finally she did me a favor and cheated….how I got through it I don’t know, I’m a survivor and not a victim.

I hate to think where I’d be emotionally today without the understanding and compassion expressed by Dr Ramani. I’ve tried everything I can think of in these past three years to be somebody different so that my partner would not become upset and verbally abusive with me. That makes me sound passive and dependent, but i am not. I’ve come to understand how my partner’s toxic tantrums, as I’ve come to think of them, are very unfortunately probably exactly what Dr. R has described as narcissistic. I don’t want that to be true, but nothing I say nor do changes my partner’s behavior. She even agrees that what she does is destructive to our relationship, but in the next breath I am told that she cannot promise to do conflict differently. I’m almost 70, and I hate being in this place with someone at this time of life. The only way out is through many practical and emotional changes that will create great upheaval for us both.

"Devastating"... yes, it's like discovering that the person has dementia and are never going to be aware and responsible, no matter what you do.

After I finally tore the leach off, I started seeing narcissist everywhere. I've gotten better at looking at behavior more objectively, but I think the problem is EVERY human can exhibit some traits that are found in narcs, so it's all too easy to point the finger the moment you see it and write them off. I'm not even sure what's better, writing everyone off or "wasting" the energy it takes to really look at who a person is.

Your book is in my Amazon to buy list. Still trying to get financially secure to buy things for me after my divorce. Thank youfor the videos ❤😢🤗

Hi Dr. Ramani, thank you for this video. Over these past few months as a victim & survivor of narcissistic abuse, I have been watching a few experts (yourself included) to educate myself about the topic. I always read the comments from others who have their own stories to tell who are also trying to learn and look for answers to better understand and to heal from this very dark experience. What I've noticed in a very short time is that there are highly similar trends and patterns within these stories of victims and survivors from all over the world who have never met each other. Similar to your video about the people who were drinking from the tainted well water had similar trends and patterns of illness from the toxicity they were ingesting. My thought about it was could all the experts of narcissistic abuse rally together and send victim/survivor stories and comments from social media to heads of government around the world to help them recognize that these personal stories are very real and that millions of people around the world can't all be wrong. It may be a big ask but collectively the experts, victims and survivors could take a huge step forward to let their voices be heard. Thank you.

I’m in the thick of this realization and I’m so broken down!

Yes, it took my years to realise and accept that they are narcissistic and to stop defending them. Greetings from Austria!💜💜💜💜💜

New one. Cool. Ya, to me the idea that somebody is self focused, always makes sure they’re in the green, clear, good to go, plenty of money, plenty of attention, but minus the harmful behavior, that’s kind of tolerable to me. When it gets crafty is where they pull sudden POWER STUNTS. 🤢💥now we see control, each and every situation seems to aggravate them, criticism galore, and you wind up emotionally hurt. They’re unstable, wavy in all ways. They fly by the seat of their pants, except, they can be big producers of money, power, fear, and manipulation. But if you look closely, chaos. The last thing, again, this is to me how I see these guys, the worst part, was how they calculate, wait, bide time, watch, and absolutely plan your demise based on their current vibe on you. You’ve heard people say, “You’re putting off LOW ENERGY?” That’s not fair to me? I’m prosocial, you should be? Why are you not supportive? Ya, 😂❤code words for I NEED TO CONTROL NOW.” 😬✊💡💯so for me it can swing both ways. But one thing is always present with these people. They CHEAT THE EMOTION. They use a calculated wind up to get you to blow, then play the aftermath exactly how they’d like it.” 🤢💯

I'd walk into a therapy session asking how I can heal from narcissistic abuse. For the past four/five years I've educated myself to recognise the traits of narcissism and can now predict most of their reactions (the person I deal with does it by the book!). I've learnt about the things that I can do or say to avoid provoking them, or to try and make them happy, how to grey rock, and how not to trigger them. Most importantly (to them), I learnt very early on in my life, how to sit there and quietly take their manipulation and abuse. Finally this month, I've learnt how to walk away from them. But I have no idea on how to let go of the hope for a loving relationship with this person, or how let go of them emotionally (I live in constant fear of them knocking on my door or phoning me. Knowing what to do and being able to put it into practice on the spot are two different things! I automatically try to please them.) The hope is one thing that I've always held onto very tightly, and I guess I'll be teaching myself how to deal with that now too. So does my initial question mean that I'm not a victim after all? After watching this and hearing those introductory questions, it feels a bit like a "no, you're not" 😟 I've watched a lot of Dr Ramani's videos (as well as others) and I'm very grateful for the help and guidance that's freely given. This one has triggered me though, so there's obviously some work I need to do there.

I had never head of narcissism until i was in my 40s and i saw it all with bipolar disorder… i was so naïve

I bet that real narcissists sense there is some power, control, and dominance to be gained by claiming others are narcissistic. It's just another (albeit new) way to do the same old thing... Thank you!!!! 👍❤❤❤

I was drawn to your videos, kept seeing former co-workers and their behaviors as narcissistic. Finally realized that my mother & grandmother were both narcissistic. No wonder I felt comfortable around narcs. My sister married 2 of them. The one she's with now is worse than the first one.

Your programs are excellent. I would ask you to do a program on those of us not directly in a narcissistic relationship but close with someone who is. I have to admit that I'm pretty tired of my SIL telling me how her narcissistic sister treats her badly. I ALREADY KNOW and I can SEE. I am getting fed up with being dumped on and have begun pretending her complaining is just noise. It hurts to see and hear her suffering but...

Doctor Ramani thanks so much for your books and videos. Can you talk about bullying in the workplace? Are constant changes of work assignments and trying to trick an employee into breaking a rule part of it?