WOW!🎉🎉🎉

Smart!!

Has he tried to harm you in any way or stalking or anything since you left?

68 days of no contact??? I know you must be feeling so much better already❤

Woohoo!

Very sad existence indeed

Isn’t it the worst? Hugs. I hope you’re being properly cherished now. By yourself especially.

That’s my reality, as a child and now as an adult.

You described my childhood. It was bad enough having a narc. father who was abusive. My sibling made it so much worse by constantly setting me up for trouble so she could get attention.

​@@JoyFayI'm right there with you. Unknowingly I married a narcissist and feel i will never have peace.

I’ve used those words . I said I’m not allowed be be myself .

Wow. So true. I kept wondering why I was being mean to her and later realized it was her contempt towards me. She hated me being myself.

And don’t you dare be happy and have the nerve to laugh around them because it’s threatening to them.

@@clintonnagy1662 awful . Stay you . Kids are so selfish . We love them , help them and ask for no thanks but for contempt back ??? Awful .

@@kalibudlakou exactly. They want us to suffer . Awful way to treat a caring mum

My boss is a narcissist

@@KDrop84 I’m So Incredibly Sorry They Are Everywhere I Was Destroyed Through A Malignant Overt Narcissist He Destroyed My Health And My Mental Health. Narcissistic abuse is Brutal….

6. Play victim. 7. Deny everything. 8. Switch to strawman fallacy card.

​@@KDrop84I am sorry

Don't forget the smear campaign to ruin you in the eyes of the world.

you miss someone who treated you so badly you're no longer together? :o

Same for me when I miss my ex.

​@pseudopuppy160 We got used to the abuse. It was a cycle (they gave the poison, and then the cure.) We miss the cure/ the love bombing stage. We ruminate in the lie(the off happy days) that was our life. I left my husband after 12 years of marriage and 3 small kids later. There are obviously still emotional ties there.

​@@angiemcleod7979oh my god, I have that today

You are missing a fake persona that was invented so they could use you to meet THEIR needs. That person wasn't real. It was a con. You saw the REAL person in his anger and selfish behavior. A Narc is a very emotionally damaged person. They pretend to be ok. 😢❤

Yes

Profound loneliness!! Yes!

Worst marriage it's when you feel so much lonely, my narc husband used to block me and my child to punish us.

52 years of loneliness 😢

Before every interaction: "I will not engage"; after probably half of them " how did I get sucked in again?"

I can relate all too well

At some point they will be old and you can put last them if you argue back

The flying monkeys: You just don't want to get along! You just want to cause trouble!

​@rjs506 Me. Nearly everytime. I'm getting "that" feeling right now and he's not even around 😢

Mine too 💯

Called conditional love

At age 62 the mom was still badgering me about something I did she felt was a mistake in HIGH SCHOOL! Mind you, the dad had committed suicide two years earlier…guess I was supposed to get over it…like she did.

@@teresacotton7923 Conditional love would have been nice. There was only ever rage.

Both of my parents were this way....63 and still healing from childhood abuse! Validation helps tremendously!

Please. Can you give advice? I'm 34 and I really want to learn experiences. What would you have done differently if you can go back? Or what would you say to your younger self?

Relationships are phases in our life.Once it's over those partners have played their role in your life.Its over .Learn from it and move on. ​@lorainebatchelor9331

Thank you Dr. I was born in a narc family. 8 out of 11. I was victimised. But I fought back.

Wow your awesome! I'm just learning about this stuff after 7 years in a horrible relationship and I didn't know what the problem was till I started learning about this stuff. I just turned 54 and hope I never go through something like this again! This has been the biggest love scam of my life. 😮

This is so real, and meaningful. Thanks for sharing.

We never had good days We only could go hours with him being stable and “nice” then he’d find something to be upset about …. Utterly exhausting!

Exactly!

OMG yes

Omg that is soooo true!!! Totally different standards

That's the'trap', then we spend hours days weeks in cognitive dissonance and confusion, in the meantime they've "forgotten ' the issue and if you bring it up brace yourself for the contempt,disdain eye rolling and you're too sensitive!

@@bereal6590 or your just trying to start a fight, if you aren't only going to say positive things there is no discussion.

Honey! My mom and her guilt trips got so ridiculous, I went no contact. Two years and counting!

Ditto - favorite tactic of my Father, using guilt trips ALL my life. Doesn't phase me now. I don't care what any Narcissists' opinion of me is.💥💥💥 I didn't ask!🙌🏼

💥💥💥"Why wouldn't someone love me as much as 'you' do?" 💥💥💥 AWESOME! Love it! BOOOOMM!❤❤❤

Beautifully put

Omg, your so right 😢

Im so happy for you Linda, live a freeing and happy life

Good for you

I love these videos. It really helps me in my relationship with my family.

Does it mean everyone in your life was a narcissist?😅

He divorced YOU? Did you send him a Thank You card? 😂

Whenits tour paremt its a life long contempt...ut took me 52 years to realize my father hates me.

@pathfinders6993 exactly 💯 %

Contempt is the death knell of a struggling relationship. That is the true end of the relationship.

Contempt in any relationship is sick.

@@victoriavollam5742’m so sorry ! I know how much it hurts but I’m glad you realize it’s them not you. It still hurts I know. My brother I’m just realizing after watching this is a narcissist and has so much contempt and hate for me all my life. I’m almost 50 he’s 50 and still he makes fun of me in front of my nieces and my sibling to still dominate me. And if I object and call him out he laughs and says you’re too sensitive! Lightbulbs are going off now! He did this to me all my life growing up. Hed humiliate me in front of mutual friends growing up. He’d call me ugly stupid, no friends with such disgust for me. I’ve always walked on egg shells around him. I always thought it was me who was less than and undeserving of love. Now I see it’s him and his insecurities but the damage is still done and I’m constantly working on my negative self thoughts about myself.

Thank you so much! This about made me want to cry. Hearing disability runs in my family. Me, my son, and grandson. My mother is a narcissist. I went no contact 3 years ago. I still struggle to get my head right and take care of myself with my family. My son is likely a narcissist. He was the golden child. My grandson is my love. His hearing is worse. He was born with a cleft, and his speech is difficult. I would do anything for him. I am so thankful that your grandson has you!! Please be there whenever you can. 🫶🏼

That’s how my parents were. Accusing at such a young age. No matter who else was involved or what happened I was always accused as the problem. Nothing has changed in 60 years.

I grew up with a narcissistic mother. Your grand baby is so fortunate to have you. Keep loving on that boy. I spent years of my childhood and young adult life trying to figure out why my mother hated me so much and treated me so badly, until I finally came to the realization that it had very little to do with me and that she has her own demons she's struggling with. I never had anyone advocate for me. You very well could be your grandson's saving grace. Hopefully he is able to recognize his worth early on.

❤

Grandma, all it takes is one person who loves and believes in him to give him hope for his future. Bless you.

I understand and hear you. There are a lot of good people in the world 🌎 who went to my church ⛪️ and helped me along the way. Maybe you can find some too.

Totally agree.

I sometimes trigger people without saying anything. As I walk in or around someone they're in a bad mood. Hate to say it but that's not my problem when we are talking about grown adults that are more than capable of regulating their own emotions. I naturally am either neutral or happy. I guess that triggers some people. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've been told I'm intimidating or have an RBF. Ok then, sure. I wear that then. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

A red flag I noticed but continued to experience without understanding was - a profound sense of confusion and negative feeling when I left their presence.

My grandmother does this. She has a handful of stories I’ve asked her not to share At parties, so of course she does every opportunity and then smirks like “whatcha gonna do about it?”

I also had this for 61 years from my brother and mum. Thanks for sharing your experience. It's terrible and wounding, deep inside, I know I'm not alone. But they probably will be one day.

I've noticed that ALL narcissists are deeply inappropriate and have NO sexual boundaries around family or kids. Just really sexually violating people.

Wowowow... Kudos to you for this constant introspection and willingness to change

@meenakshee1977 Thank you⚘️I figure that it's my life, and I'm not going to let anyone else ruin it!

You are my hero today! Great job going inward and being open to healing and change. Blessings on your journey. ❤

@@victorial8764 🫶🎹⚘️

It is so nice you decided to heal. Will benefit you and people around you ❤

In my widowhood, alone is glorious!

You are fine just the way you are.

My heart hurts just reading this... the unreasonable responsibility for a child to carry. I have this feeling with my SO, but i have dealt with it as an adult. I am so sorry you carried that burden in that tender age, and all these years since. You are worthy of love and acceptance. You are.

@MeMms, nearly 60 here and similar scenario. You're not alone, so many of us. Glad you're hear learning to be you. I have a similar memory ✌

You are not alone.

Hugs. Just hugs and hugs virtually❤❤❤

I needed to read this today. People are LITERALLY figuring out in ways their brain allows them to. A person like myself who cares, it gets frustrating but your message is a great reminder to let things be and allow people to find their own way.

Yes. I’m so grateful that narcissism awareness is gaining so much traction these past couple of years. There wasn’t much awareness at all when I was being raised by a narc mother then ended up with a narc first husband (of course lol). I just always felt that something was wrong without being able to put my finger on it. Thankfully I booted all the narcissists out of my life; and now I’m married to a wonderful, loving, normal man. I wish I had another mother, but at least I have a peaceful life now without her lies, gaslighting and hurtful comments.

I started a job not too long ago as a service tech, on the job training. Many many times Ive had coworkers have to tell me that making mistakes is ok and thats just how you learn. And just realizing at 30 that I need to be told this, and theres only one place it could have come from. Its like keeping yourself under a microscope, what if everything falls apart! Hope youre taking it easier on yourself.

May God heal you of your deep wounds that you have suffered, in Jesus' awesome Name! Amen!!

@@sparklegirl7544 thank you! God bless you ❤

He will eventually require help in his late life, and he has lost any obligation for you to help him. I refuse to help my narc mother in law (and father in law with anger management) bc they ruined our fairly tail wedding and newlywed months after getting married. They gave her diagnosable mental illnesses, and I will forever grey rock them when we see them, and I will do anything that fucks them over, even in the slightest. I've even begun to gaslight the narc, which is satisfying

I'm very sorry for ur loss 😢

You have nothing about a narcissist daughter!

Their hypocrisy knows no limits!

Absolutely! Making mistakes, that's the main purpose of learning. Obviously narcissistic people have no idea and that they've learned something at some point in time by making mistakes.

Omg my family would be so mean to me at the table and make me nervous and shaky and as a result I kept accidentally spilling drinks at the table then they would get so mad at me and make fun of me so I stopped accepting invitations to eat at the table with them and the more I ate in my room alone or dined at separate times than my family I didn't spill drinks. They were making me feel bad about something they were causing me to feel uneasy so that I would do the same embarrassing thing over and over. Then they're like hey why don't you ever want to hang out with us and eat together anymore it's like you're trying to avoid us you're missing out on making memories together and that's your choice.

​@@PassionateFloweraren't they fun? Had to break up a fight between my sister and my mother. Lots of name calling and whatever else. I didn't want to get stuck in their mess lol. It was rather lame.

​@roxyrhodes3035 This is such a common story with narc parents. I'm so sorry for all of us kids being made nervous at the dinner table.

Is that a fact, though? Yes I have been called a narcissist by a definite narcissist and yes, Dr Ramani, pretty much, described my, just ended, relationship. Nevertheless, I can recognise some of the described traits in myself too. So what I am wondering about is - does me wondering and worrying that I might be a narcissist, really make me not a narcissist. Not so sure.

She has said in a video that we do sometimes pick up narcissistic traits being in a narcissistic relationship to survive

Your comment has me in tears. My father always told me that, while he treated me like shit. Your conclusion was pure logical

I can relate. My father would tell me that he loved me, then go into a narcissistic rage later that day. I developed a fundamental misunderstanding of what constitutes love, leading me to become a love cripple.

My wife's parents said this after yelling at her for precisely 54 minutes 3 days after we got back from honeymoon because "she's the mother of the bride and she didn't feel special" among other things. My wife can't look at wedding photos because it makes her sad. Don't worry though, they will suffer the consequences of doing that to her for the rest of their lives, I'll make sure of it. It does make me mad to think about them taking that time away from us (3 months of post marital happiness roughly) but I don't let it ruin my days anymore. They created a blood feud with me by doing what they did, and I will get back at them, but I'll do so calmly and without rage. They will simply suffer the justified and fair consequences but I won't let that change who I am for the worse. They need help with something? Too bad. They want to meet their grandchild? Too bad, don't care. They want me to stop grey rocking them and go back to normal? Too bad, they will only ever get rudenes and or grey rocking for the rest of their lives.

Wow. How insidiously soul destroying.

Yes, and then in toxic relationships you think abuse is “love” because that’s what you learned!

Mine too! Both parents, my grandmother, many relatives....no contact with many of them.

Same here until I learned to observe her responses instead of absorbing them.

🫂 I finally went "no contact" about 3+ years ago with my mother because I had it!

I had the same experience. Narcissists expect perfection.

My mother was like that too. Spilling the milk would have her to go into a rage.

When i cook for us in the morning. All i can think of while cooking is…Do it right..do it right…the way she wants it to be…you can do this…be quiet while cooking she might wake up..the when she wakes up is like she have a wole darth vader type feel its like, all is heavy..then out of the. Blue she will say whats keeping you too long? Its just a chicken. I was raised to do all the things by myself cooking doing the dishes by myself all of it and im totally fine by it. Basically i am used to when is do a task i fully commit do it all. When i say will cook for you will do it all the way up to doing the dishes. But when she do the chores jts like leaving after a hurricane

I can relate about the hearing footsteps part. I'm finally at 47 yrs old allowing myself to listen to headphones or put the volume up on my Tv because I trained myself as a child to "Listen and be on alert for her noises ". Took years to allow myself background noise. Plays havoc on our fight or flight and adrenals . Happy Healing guys 🙏❤️

My dad did that. But id watch my door and see his shadow and i felt so like worried cause i knew he was comming in. Hed mess around outside my room like he was working up to the fight. Also i think its why im a night person. It was the only time i felt safe and free enough to eat or shower. At night when they slept i felt like hey im free. They cant fight if they arent awake.

That is the one thing I say about my narcissist encounters...Hypocrisy.

I second that! He would say of others that others would lie even if truth was better, I finally realized he was talking about himself.

YES 👏🤦‍♀️

agreed x 1000!

I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s sick how many people use church to make themselves look like good people while being awful in secret.

I knew a lot of fathers like that at a church I used to go as a kid. My Dad wasn't like that, but I felt bad for the kids who had a dad like that. I'm glad you've stopped caring about people's idiot opinions. If you living your life makes them mad, tough shit.

How odd. Just wondering if it was, like, a religious spirit or what....If you dont mind my asking, would you tell me was this only @ church? I mean your dad: He didn't display this rage after, for example, a movie theater or some other assembly? I mean to say he wasn't that way when your family went to visit other's homes assuming you were expected "to be seen & not heard" in public?

And usually no one intervenes, because the narcissists are so good at faking being great at their role. They love performing being a great parent / sibling etc, but once you’re alone with them - and, scene 🎬

@@agga10for real!!! My narc dad was a raging narcissist who was great at publicly portraying himself as a “caring, protective father” and everyone fell for it. I had no one to back me up for years because he was so good at making it look like I was an ungrateful child and that he was just “protecting” me. Ugh. Luckily, they can’t hold up their facade forever. My dad eventually started losing his ability to hold in his rage publicly and has burned a lot of bridges since then. People eventually see the truth. But it’s a painful process to have to deal with until then.

Those are hard experiences to unwire. ❤

@@lilianfowler7988 but we’re supposed to make believe it’s a perfect family to outsiders and deny the truth

I hope you’ve found a way out. I have a totallt creepy and crappy mother too, sadly a lot of us do… They can’t be allowed to define us forever.

I get that from my mum all the time. She is also doing it to my daughter and we are stuck loving with her. Can't wait to get out

I totally feel your pain. I'm 44 now, and went no contact with my mother a few months ago as she kept behaving in that same toxic way she has been behaving in my entire life. I suffered from anorexia as a teenager and now I finally understand why. She even uses my suffering as the reason for her own misfortune in life (example: I'm in poor health because YOU had anorexia, it's all your fault). It's heartbreaking and tragic how a parent can behave like this towards their own children, regardless of age. I hope you find your inner strength and love to heal from this trauma. Lots of 💕

Never 2late ,

It’s never too late! I’m 74 and recently widowed--it was like ‘waiting to exhale’!

Non-narcissist guy here. I'll pass the test real quick...it's possible that I AM an unknowing narcissist. I love to learnb I am wrong though, and it happens all the time. When I find-out I am wrong about a particular thing, I have just found BETTER UNDERSTANDING. One less mistake in my thinking. Anyways...I have been being told by the females that I have pursued romantically in the last few years that I am TOO NICE a lot. I'm currently pretty-much un-dateable, as the series of rejections in sequence has left me in a bad place...legitimately needy. I swear, before this gauntlet of rejection, I was very much emotionally mature, considerate, reasonable and loving. A bit of a people pleaser, I come from a place of being a bit over accommodating in the name of having a good time, sure. I am NOT a chump or a simp though, and have well-developed self respect...Long-story short...I have been called TOO NICE by several many girls now. So maybe if you see some TOO NICE, it may be the thing to look at and explore more. If I could find a gal who liked me and was TOO NICE....I guess that would be a TOO NICE life! Sounds really nice to me. I have seen the girls who have called me "too nice", several of them, chase "assholes" and guys that have apparent anti-social qualities...It seems, predictably, to NOT WORK-OUT! Go figure!

You are a people pleaser and you are a carer and giving and kind. That is what they like.

Well it only took ten years to get out of the second one, versus 23 for the first. That's progress! My latest bad relationship was about a year. Had it not been for Covid, and him living with me and nowhere to go, maybe it could have been shorter.... (The stalking and harassment added another year and a half onto it. I held my ground, no contact and all that, but he held on too, --like a barnacle! Thank God for the Criminal Justice system.) Previously, it was 10 years. So, let's say we're going in the right direction. Now let's steer clear of them totally.❤

I think for me the narcissistic abuse has affected my judgement I no longer trust anyone even strangers and I feel always anxious and alert

I totally see what you mean. It's quite surprising when you are constantly surrounded by narcissistic people to find out that strangers are actually nicer and friendlier thanks those narcissists. At first I was actually sad because it was people who you thought cared about you, and you find out that other people treat you far better than them 😅

@@logikgirl12 but society as a whole is narcissistic I mean men are walking around thinking they are superior due to the system of PATRIARCHY that feeds them this disgusting narcissistic narrative I don't like people anymore I get insulted everytime I walk out in public by strangers almost everyone is narcissistic and there is no safe space anywhere

I think most people these days seem to be narcissists. One thing is it takes time and close relationships to fully see through their masks. I'd love to find these good people too but like I keep coming across narcissists or borderlines. Every single girl I get close to has been one.. not sure where to find normal people at all Once you find out how many things they're lying about or their cheating and etc... world looks crazy to me lol. But I see people show narc qualities the more I get to know them. Of course strangers seem nicer than your narcs though because narcissists are often totally nice to strangers! Or people they are not close to

I literally have no sense of self at 52. mom was a narc. All narcs around me. Alone now and lost, but happier.

I didnt see the patterns at first, but when I did I noticed my behavior changing and being more like her. Gas lighting, guilt tripping, paranoid and blame shifting. I was losing my sense of self. I had to leave before it consumed everything I love about myself.

No spousal support either-I was voted ‘fireman of the year’ he wouldn’t even come to the dinner

Have to take care of your self 1st. 💖

@@nmc1859 I realized that last year.

This! The brain working easier is a real thing! I feel you. It's been similar for me since choosing to walk out. My brain is at ease and functions like it's supposed to.

@@anushashashidhar7087 I thought I was the ONLY ONE! ☺☺☺☺

Same story here. My third narc. Slow learner, thought each was . . You know

Excuse me if I’m overstepping my bounds, but it doesn’t hurt to ask him to get medically checked to see if hormone levels are normal. If all checks out well, it’s time to start questioning their sexual preferences.

My mother only shines a smilinglight when it's something SHE is happy about

Same here. 🥹

I made the Dean’s List in college and I was in shock. I couldn’t wait to tell everyone that I was not a stupid person that just sail through getting the grades. My one and only Uncle told me that I would’ve never made it if it wasn’t for my Aunts help. I didn’t say a word to him. I thought what does she know about Business Law. From that day I just couldn’t look at him the same. My own mother was worse.

Fools who never enter the arena like to say they never made a mistake in the arena. No sh*t! You never even played the game. I can honestly say I have NEVER, EVER fumbled a football in the NFL. Big whoop! I never even played in the NFL so of course I never fumbled the damn football in the NFL.

Thanks for sharing! Keep up the great work and as an artist I can relate. I think your comment will help me as I just started painting again. Embracing mistakes and turning it into something beautiful!

@@cyndim8785 same here

Wow! Same here!

❤️‍🩹

Good for you! 🎉

Drugs definitely help them be nicer unfortunately 😢😬

As an adult we always brought wine to holiday dinners just to shut up the narc, worked beautifully.

Same…. My mother had surgery once she healed (I helped change her dressings) she lashed out yelling and screaming again… 😢

I can feel the anxiety level go up

Yup

Or the loud bang of the gate door being opened

Their presence and energy is negative. You can feel the heaviness as soon as they show up. Ugh!

For me, it’s the sound of a Zippo lighter being flipped open by my father when I was a child. It was strategically used to startle, often coming from behind or out of a darkened room nearby. Unironically, after breaking a 10-year no-contact, he gifted me his lighter as a “family heirloom”. He kept insisting I accept it after repeatedly declining, so I looked him dead in the eye and told him, “I’ll take it so we can end this debate, but you need to know I will be tossing it in the gas station’s trash can down the street. Are you sure you want me to have it?” He said yes, likely hoping I’d suffer some guilt. I didn’t suffer any guilt for following through. He sent my brother to retrieve the lighter years later, not because he didn’t believe I would toss it, but because he wanted to play victim and stir up old stuff. My brother saw right through his ploy, though, because in my absence, he had become the proverbial punching bag.

You go gurl!!!!!

They enjoy the drama

@@shirleyac12 they thrive on it

Yep, I’m a fantastic cook and could make six great meals in a week and on the seventh, make hotdogs--he’d fly into a rage and accuse me of being too lazy to make a decent meal. Frankly I don’t miss him at all!

I hear yah. My ex hated that I had a regiment and worked toward goals. She hated that I floss my teeth, hated where I live, and worked. She would gossip about other people but she was doing the same. I can't wrap my head around the insanity. Just a disturbing thought process.

It’s interesting you say that, because that’s something I’ve been trying to do lately. Just be myself, and not be afraid of imagined. - or real - backlash.

@@Gloriagal78 good luck 👍

@@acasyd We’ll see what happens, lol.

@@Gloriagal78maybe rage?)

@@yuu_miran That’s the thing - you never know what to expect. I’ve really had it with always feeling that I can’t broach any subject because of the reaction I would get, which usually is a sullen attitude, or a curt “ I don’t want to talk about it.” And if you try to push it, regardless of how civil a tone you use, that usually results in rage, followed by shutting themselves in their room for the rest of the day, and sometimes following day.🙄

And to add.. I am diagnosed OCD, (c) PTSD, MDD, GAD SUD now and suffer extreme perfectionism lol

I'm proud of you for getting out and treating yourself kinder.

I bow to you in humble gratitude , I felt every bit of that .

I’m so proud of you! ❤❤ sending you lots of peace vibes, you certainly deserve it.

So well put, the sneaky method makes you question or gaslight yourself

I've literally been thinking on this exact thing that they do but not sure how to articulate it. That it's not an outright insult or belittlement or critique but their disapproval or disdain is definitely expressed in a way that borders and you just kind of take the sucker punch and keep it moving reeling a little bit like wtf. Sorry it's so frustrating that I'm still failing to adequately explain and it's kind of eating at my nerves lol

Ty for the advice

Stay strong! You’re much better off without him. Now you have room in your life for a loving non-narcissist normal partner one day. Take care of yourself first.

Same here you very sensible woman . Congratulations 👏

Me too 🎉🎉

This could be on a tee shirt lol 😂 ..not laughing at you but hopefully with you. .but this statement becomes true for many .. It made me laugh. 💚

If your father is like my mother, he will do something to anger you (provoking with INTENT/passive aggressive behavior), then when you do become upset (reactive abuse), they cry victim/abuse. However, they are the ones who provoked you to begin with ! Right ! 👍 When he starts screaming: 1. Try to disengage 2 Take control of the situation. 3. Temporarily leave the room/or leave apartment/home. Go for a walk, drive in vehicle, bicycle ride, or something else. Do not allow the situation to escalate.

​@@jengable4888Wow. You are so right. She would gas light, blame shift and guilt trip until I'd lash out, then cry abuse. She would say " I don't deserve to be mistreated". When I offered to end the relationship she never wanted that. If I were that bad then why stay with me? It's utter insanity.

My constant was why!? Why!? Whyyyyy do you want to be with someone you fucking hate so much 😭

I asked my husband that--he said he believed he could change me!

What you commented is so very true. The narc ex BF I have finally been free of for a few months always pretended he understood his android phone, even though it was so clear there were simple things about it that he hadn't yet learned. Yet if I tried to explain something about it he would get angry, as if I was attacking his intelligence. He would then say again and again to me, "Your phone is on; it is calling someone or it's going to" even though I had already told him many times how butt dialing can a(or cannot) occur. It was always about arguing, putting me down, pretending he couldn't hear me, hijacking each and every conversation so he could talk about himself, often talking nonsense stories. He had seemingly no intellectual curiosity, more interested in fantasies of his own grandeur.

I hid under the stairs…I cleaned it all up and made a really cool Den ☝️😅

I would hide in the basement! My mother always came home from her job in a completely foul mood. She’d complain of having a headache then would yell at anyone who was nearby. So I made myself a fort in the furnace room, and I would hide there to read my books.

My narc mom took away my lightbulbs once because I enjoyed reading at night. I was scared of the dark so I'd lay there and almost pee the bed because I was too scared without my lightbulbs.

Yes great point. I can choose to feel good about myself instead falling into feeling bad because of how I was trained when growing up!❤

After living with a narcissist who constantly berates you, just telling you that the narcissist was wrong does NOT set you free to choose whether to feel bad about yourself. It's just NOT that simple. Your therapist was wrong. It's not a switch you can turn off at will. Sure, it's a relief to find out that they, not you, were the problem, but your insecurity runs deep. It might take years for you to sort out the feelings and pain within yourself and, hopefully, become self-confident again, but it will come.

What errant bs, framing the effects of narcissistic abuse as a matter of choice, as a conscious process, thoughts, emotions and beliefs you're "choosing"! I would run from that therapist! Please don't let yourself be emotionally and cognitively abused by such a "therapist" any more.

​@@marykennedysherin3330Don't be fooled by that vapid language of "choice". It may help you feel empowered for a short while, but it's deeper effect will leave you feeling guilty and ashamed when you realize you can't just "choose" to "rise above" years of abuse and the way it's shaped your psyche.

@@vaska1999 thank you! I stopped seeing her because I walked away feeling worse about myself than when I came. It was a big step after lots of comments like that one from her. The act of saying no to seeing her felt kind of empowering although disappointing. It’s crazy how a therapist can be abusive too

I feel for you on this. I experienced the same from my narc mother. Your hair is too long, your nails are too long, you’re fat, you’re too skinny…are you sick?, you need to moisturize your neck & chest you’re getting wrinkles, your hair should be such & such a color, that outfit makes you look fat, that outfit looks terrible on you, you’re wearing that? Oh the list goes on & on. Very tough having any bit of self confidence when the person that is supposed to be your biggest cheerleader is always tearing you down. I’m no contact now 💜

Buy some pocket mirrors and hand them out. Use your smile and laughter to heal from that nonsense. Be beautiful, Beautiful!💕💖🖖

I understand the feeling. I have a narc parents and in laws. My in laws fat shame my husband, and even started dog whistling to criticize my crooked teeth 😥 You are beautiful, and self aware enough to see right through them...and they HATE it!

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