It’s not the narcissist money you have to worry about …ITS YOUR OWN! Narcissist will claim to be broke , will be reckless financially, make impulse spending and expect you to pay their bills especially even though they have a job. They will use you, encourage you to max out your credit to benefit the narcissist, and make broken false promises of they’ll pay you back . In reality , it’s as if the narcissist is charging you just to be in a manipulationship with them.

They're cheap not just with their money but with their time, effort, energy, love, attention and support and most importantly, their presence

"What's mine is mine...and what's yours is mine"

My dad holds money over only his immediate family- my mother, brother and me. In front of others he makes grandiose attempts to look generous.

When you’re with a narcissist, you leave with less money than you came in with. While they leave with the money they saved from you behind your back and all of the gifts you gave them (or things you were coerced into buying for them).

you don't leave a narc, you convince him to leave you, and that he is right.. you smile and walk backwards slowly

My narcissistic ex-husband, freaked out because I bought our daughter running shoes for her kindergarten class.The shoes were from Walmart, they were six dollars. He screamed and yelled because she had runners already… but the shoes needed to be non-scuffing soles. I lost my mind and said to him” yah, we’ll at least, she will still have her runners in 3 months, unlike you, and the case of beer you drink every 2 days” He spend at least 800.00- 1000.00/ month on himself. Going to eat out and drinking in the bar with his friends. The more I listen to these videos I can’t believe I actually lived through all this craziness. I’m so glad, I escaped and am living a normal life now.

I was shamed on a birthday weekend trip for buying a coffee mug from a cafe. I was humiliated for spending $30 and offered to return it. Mind you: I got no birthday gift and the trip was with friends so in reality the trip was for the narc to be able to flash his money paying for rounds of drinks for the group. This is someone who pays $600 for a group dinner out and $400 on gourmet cheeses that ended up going bad and had to be thrown out. I worked in a family business for 3 years without any pay. I was given a monthly "allowance" of $2000 while having a child in college and had given up a well paying nursing job. I got no retirement, 401K or anything for that whole time: I gave up the time in investments and security of a job to help build the business. I was so confused and humiliated because I had no idea what narcissism was at the time. I now have words for what I went through. Very hard lessons to learn at age 50.

Just leave narcissists as soon as possible. Narcissists will never get better. They usually get worse. They abuse everyone around them to gain a sense of power. Leave before it is too late. Avoid these relationships in the future. It is better to be alone than with toxic people.

My (now ex-) wife cheated on me, even though we had 3 young children at the time. Unfortunately, her boyfriend was a gambling addict and she fully enabled him. She maxed out dozens of credit cards, took bank loans, depleted our retirement funds, etc. She and her boyfriend would fly off to Las Vegas a couple time a month and blast through $25,000 per weekend... while I stayed at home to look after my kids. The crazy part is that she would yell at me for hours (for “wasting money”) if I took the kids to a movie or McDonald’s. She completely destroyed our family finances, yet takes no responsibility for that. I have been divorced for 6 years now. It’s a struggle for me financially now (I’m in my early 60s), but it feels awesome to be free of her toxic narcissism and hypocrisy. I am okay with the idea of dying poor, because I have peace and joy in my life now.

He took all my money. Whatever I earned went to a joint account to which I had no access. I was told what’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine. Be grateful you have a roof over your head.

I ended up homeless and in rather a lot of debt due to a 4 year relationship with a female narcissist. However, I turned my life around and have met some kind, decent human beings - this has restored my faith in human nature. Good people do exist.

I literally get anxiety attacks when I listen to you Dr Ramani. Everything you say is so real and yet I do not know how to explain that to other people around me because narcs are so deceiving and I often feel nobody will believe me. The golden rule, you can't win.

Narcs don't give you things out of love, it's to make you be 'in their debt'. I've paid off several narcissists just to get them off my back. Never ever take loans, let them pay or be financially beholden to them in any way if you can help it.

My father would tell my mother, “I’m not your damned meal ticket” when she was at home with my infant brother. I learned the lesson well: I achieved educational and career goals and earn a great salary - much more than my spouse - to be safe from financial manipulation.

When I met my narcissist, it was actually on my 24th birthday. At the time I had right around a $250k net worth. All self made and regularly growing. 2 years later, about to turn 26, after selling the house because she wanted to move, selling a very nice loaded gmc truck, selling my motorcycle, selling off my business and all equipment with it, and moving 2200 miles across the country, I am left with a tiny fraction of that. At about 110k net worth left. No business, living in a one bedroom apartment, and trying to rebuild which has proven more difficult than imagined. However, she’s ALMOST out of my life finally. She has a domestic abuse charge and destruction of property charge that I’m involved with. So hopefully the case is settled soon, oh and she just got a dui 2 nights ago I found out. So now she has a bail violation and a dui charge. Unless they cut her some insane break again, she should be looking at 1-4 years in jail. I will finally be free of the torture.

My ex husband used to rage every time I come home from the grocery like I stole money from him. So I stuck receipts on the fridge every time to satisfy his curiosity. Mind you I was working two jobs and yet hardly spent anything on myself! Meanwhile, he didn’t think twice about spending huge money on alcohol or on other people just to feed his starving ego. So glad I’m out of my hell hole.

I did my own forensic accounting. I created a one year spreadsheet for my lawyer to use in court. My ex sued me for spousal support, even though he made more money than I did. He was spending more than he made on alcohol, porn, and massage parlors. The judge told him to learn to live within his means. The case was dismissed. My heart sang! I won! He was so angry. But then he tried to run me over in his pickup truck. Be safe everyone.

my narc bought me an expensive car for my birthday: later I realized it was a tax strategy for his business! he needed an end of year write off.....he looked awesome in the community , made a huge deal of it.........and so generous in front of our friends. later, found out the car was not in my name.....it was never my car. so confusing and humiliating. what could I say? everyone thought oh he takes such good care of you...........not!!!!!!!!!! so then it was another way to strip me of having any assets of my own and being dependent on him. I had to ask for money for household items which was humiliating as a woman who had had a professional career. hard lessons learned.

My ex did the slick money routine...borrowed a little, paid me back. Borrowed a little more, paid me back. Then the next amounts, the bigger amounts, were not paid back. Yep, I got the run around and all kinds of gaslighting when I brought up money. "Of course I'm going to pay you back." Four years later, I'm still waiting for the lion's share of the money.

My narc parents spoiled us, never taught us financial independence and it has been used against us ever since. In a narc world, their income is supposed to distract you from their awful personality. They give you money, so you have to tolerate everything.

Stingy with money, time, and physical presence...this is what I'm dealing with right now, and what I've been dealing with for the past 13 years. I started shaking when I heard those words. I'm trying to find my financial independence NOW. Thank you for this video.

My dad is a narcissist and when my brother or I tried to borrow from him when we were in the beginning of our careers, doing first jobs, barely making ends meet, it was so bad. He lectured the borrower for hours, inquired a full disclosure on what, when and why went wrong for us to need to borrow, etc. Luckily we had friends to help us out, and each other of course. I remember once I needed money to get to my next pay day, and talked with my brother sharing I have no option but go to dad. He freaked out so much, and re-borrowed through his own friends to give me a helping hand. I'm so lucky to have a sibling to share this! I'm also very lucky he survived, he was the scapegoat and suffered from alcoholism most of his youth years.

I had a stroke in 2019. My exhusband tried to spend all the money we had. He did not take care of me anything I needed my children did for me. He is cunning baffling and insidious! He has done nothing for any of our children. He didn’t work fo years and walked around with my debit card in his wallet. He is not only a narcissist, he is a DMS diagnosed narcissist. These people will absolutely ruin your finances and your life. Run and don’t look back. Everything our Dr.Ramani is saying is the God awful truth about these people. My daughter always said he was good man as long as someone is watching!

The financial abuse is the one thing that still haunts me, decades after divorse. It's hard.

The strings that are attached to a narcissistic gifts are not worth the gift. They do one nice thing for you one time and you owe them endlessly for the rest of your life. Funny but if you pick up the tab or give them a nice present, they'll never remember it, but if they did it for you once, 20 years ago, you owe them FOREVER.

This is my ex….always willing to pick up the tab at family outings, spend money like water at convenient stores, home depot, and even randomly pay for people’s tabs (mostly women), at restaurants. He’d just tell our waitress that he was paying for some stranger’s tab. It was bizarre! But if I wanted to get anything…for example, a $12.00 Christmas wreath for our door, I got reprimanded for wanting it. Like a parent reprimanding a child. He had zero ability to manage money. I took care of all the actual bills and got him out of debt, yet he would try to suddenly act all responsible when it came to me needing or wanting something. It was insanely frustrating! I’m so glad I’m out of that situation and my money is my own to do with how I want. And am in a much better situation than with that hot mess! He couldn’t hold a job, to save his life either. At over 50 years old, he’s got zero savings and had high paying jobs as a nurse. They cannot manage money, much less, their lives!

Every time I would receive large amounts of money that’s when my ex partner would start saying things like “if we don’t get a larger apartment then I am leaving” and in return I drained 5k to make them happy and in the end they would leave me once my money dried up trying to juggle life and their bad money management. I went from a 809 credit score to a 550 in less then 5yrs. Watch out for the red flags 🚩

Narcissists by nature are users and takers who feel endlessly entitled. So if they arent in the position to control you with thier money, rest assured they will be trying to take yours.

"How dare you think you're worth spending that on yourself".

As terrible as it is to have been married to a narc for over 20 years it's even more painful to see the affects it has had on our children. My one son is now a narc as well. For me letting go of a narc husband is easier than letting go of a narc son because I feel responsible for him. I know I have to let go because I know I'm being used and its crushing me. As hard as I try I can't change him. I'm tired of being used and it breaks my heart to see him putting everyone down, including myself, to make him seem great.

Thank you for this video. My ex told me he’d put $100,000 down on the house we bought together. I put down $45000 & spent $45000 on things we needed. So, I called him out on it. He had a speed boat, 2 snow mobile, cabin & as soon as we got the Covid money $1200 I bought a pod, got an attorney & I got $68000 back. I hate him! I’m on disability.

They tend to be very impulsive, always. So, they spend money impulsively too.

“They won’t change and you can’t win”

Yes, lived this for 20 years! My narcissist withheld money and HID money. If I asked him to help pay for something, he would either rage or say he would reimburse me - that NEVER happened!! Money inequity is a REAL thing.

Dr. Ramani, you can never know how much your videos have helped me to face, finally, and (begin to) understand what's happened to my life. At 60 years old, it's unnerving to realize how much time I've given -- and lost -- in this relationship with my mother. The immeasurable and devastating impact to everything I've ever dreamed, hoped, thought, done and AM is something I will be unraveling for some time... likely for the rest of my days. You cover aspects of this that have baffled and drained me for decades, never made sense... and in all those small nooks and crannies, I realize, those are additional areas where I simply took them upon myself, believing I was to blame. I wish my mother's life could be a case study and that her brain could be studied after her death. This is the true epidemic of our time as its effects are so insidious, so relationally vast and complex and ultimately, generational, reaching far into a future, and into lives that haven't even been contemplated yet. Thank you for all you do. God bless you and may God have mercy on all who suffer and struggle in the bondage of NPD.

I am left with nothing... a drained bank account and even more drained mentally by the emotional damage he has done over the past 9 years. One day, I will find myself again 🙏💚

YES YES YES! They are generous in the public! I have seen that many times.

I can’t imagine having a narcissist for a spouse, at least for more years than what it takes to figure it out. I have a person in my life that absolutely fits this bill. The money issue is so crazy. Its so weird. I’m too the point of being relieved that I can say no to the crazy. I live in a small town and fear badmouthing by this person, because they have so many people fooled. I have a business and I could see them really gaslighting my business. I’ve kept this to myself for a long time, it feels great just to barf this out.

When my disabled son passed away , my narcissistic mother put a jar on her countertop at work to gain sympathy and make money. She collected money on my sons death for a month after his funeral and when I confronted her she lied about it and kept the money 😮

It has been harrowing to see my narcissistic mother spend money on designer items for herself while allowing my sister and me to go without socks and underwear. My biggest goal is financial independence, and no contact with my narcissistic mother.

I believe they rid themselves of their own subconscious guilt by making other people feel guilty.

You described the last 12yrs of my life. I'm finally leaving for the last & final time but of course he's making it extremely difficult. If you come across a Narcissist please run for your life ‼️

I would *never have dreamed* my sister would be so disgusting while our father was passing away. She started a go fund me account in his name, then started taking money out to treat herself ("afterall the money was there because of her") She bought herself a plane ticket, eating out at restaurants, groceries... etc. And it was a shouting match to get the rest of the money to actually give it to my soon to be widowed mother. I felt nauseous every single day. To this day, she still tries to get his vehicle, watch and anything else of value. I sometimes wish I didn't have a sister.

I learned that everything a narcissist gives is transactional...for control and abuse. Love, emotional support, gifts, loans (even if paid back in full) given, is conditional. Your reciprication and genuine gratitude is not enough. They are not truly generous. My relationship with my mother became so unhealthy, I would refuse offers of food from her. I knew that there would price that would be paid later.

They absolutely refuse to pay you back because you "owe them". Then they spout off a list of all the things they believe you owe them for, even if you are the one that had to purchase the item. They NEVER remember ever owing you anything, but you will always owe them. I am sure this is a frustratingly very "salt in your wound" subject for most people that have to deal with this issue.

You are a brilliant brilliant woman. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your professional support here. Thank You for sharing what you do. It is helping me get through a 27 year old abusive relationship. God Bless You.

Here’s a victim wins story. My narc left me on a beach in the middle of the night after a five year relationship. She threw herself at a guy (the same night) who she thought was her golden financial ticket. She became a realtor (no surprise there, narc job). In 2021 golden ticket boy had to close his business (COVID) but she had a record sales year. She moved into an exclusive neighborhood (over extended) They divorced and she got completely wrecked financially in 2022 when the market turned. I know she wasn’t a saver and was certainly impulsive. I see all the traits looking back. I’m guessing she monkey branched to the next fool. It’s true, you can’t win. I dogged a bullet 😅

Any expression of accomplishment will be discounted. No matter how humble the target, there is always room for humiliation by the narcissist.

Their sense of entitlement to OTHER'S ressources is also very odd. Somehow, it's our duty to maintain their lifestyle and when we refuse, we ironically get threats involving money, such as being removed from a will for example. It makes no sense.

This is all so true. My narcissist ex-wife just received an inheritance check from her mother's death. And everything the Doctor is talking about as being done.

My mother never wanted to buy me clothes as a child. But it dawned on me that i remember that she always looked good. The only way i usually had money was from bday or Christmas gifts so i would usually buy a piece of clothing. I always felt guilty when i would show her even if i tried nit too. She would be disinterested and silent treatment with "humf". I still to this day have guilt when i buy clothes for myself and i find it very stressful. She always gifts money and gifts then pleds poverty.

I've had the great misfortune of being surrounded by narcissists my whole life (my mother, older brother, aunt and uncle, father in-law, and brother in law). EVERYTHING that Dr. Ramani has stated is 💯% true. The one thing she didn't cover is when the narc goes broke and there is the expectation that you will take care of them because they are family. This is the case with my mother, who blew through more than a million dollars over 10 years, and is now sick and broke and expecting us, her grown children, to pay for her care. A total s**t show from start to finish.

My narcissistic ex-husband was very bad with money and finances. After we separated the first time and then got back together, he tried to pressure me to have a joint bank account again, which I refused to do. He was very angry because he couldn't have access to my earnings. When we had one, he spent all the money, and I didn't have enough to buy clothes or even pantyhose for work.

Thank you Dr Ramani for your entire series on narcissism. At 33 years old, I finally understand why my father has been so cruel and miserly all my life. I now know that he is a narcissistic, and I now know how to manage his lies and set boundaries and appropriate consequences with him.

I am here because one single narcissistic millionaire is controlling and tormenting my entire church family right now. I just exposed him recently and we are all in turmoil, of course, I'm the outcast at the moment, deeply hurt and suffering silently. Your videos are helping me tremendously, giving me tools to deal with this person and his flying monkeys, helping me to hold on and hold out, keep the faith.😊❤

An old boyfriend criticized me for buying a shirt.1st I paid for. 2nd I worked for it.3rd. It cost less than $10. 4th It was none of his business. I was taken by surprised. I bluntly told him he didn't pay for & stay out of my business. He was quiet. You are right. He was stingy. Never bought me anything for my birthday, Xmas,anniversary. God forbid it if I forgot his birthday. I was always on the back burner or an after thought. Glad he's out of my life.

The golden rule is you can't win. Well said and 100% true.

You are so correct. Incredibly spot on. I’m stuck w my narcissistic abusive husband because of our daughter & I’m disabled. But 20 years. I’m soooo done. He has also brainwashed our daughter. Thank you

I can't stand my husband, and don't know what to do. He's all the things that you say a narcissist is. HELP

The only good thing about this whole narc abuse is that I make my own money . He is so mad because he can't use money to control me . I'm leaving the 10years toxic relationship soon

I moved my terminally ill father in with me because he could no longer take care of himself. Needless to say it has turned my world upside down and has been incredibly difficult. He has said and believes I’m doing this for his money, which is laughable because he has next to nothing. How sad is it that they never trust that someone might be doing something out of the goodness of their heart, because that is not how they operate. 💔

This is what my family did to me. I was wanting a job at 15 and my dad made me work for him. He was paid $200/hr and I was paid $5/hr (say below min wage) with no overtime. I was forced to work the equivalent of three full time jobs (5am-11pm 7 days a week). I also had to do all the chores (2 hours after school and all day on weekends) since I was 5, saying they were putting money aside for college for the work I did. But when I was old enough to go to college, they didn’t give it to me but they paid for their friends daughters full university degree ( who did no work for them ever). My sister also forced me (she used to control me by guilt and rage) to go to help her for a week. I had to aid a week off work, pay the ferry, take 10 hour commute to help her. It was a remote place, I didn’t have a car and she forced me to stay there for 6months and made me work for 15 hrs a day and said she couldn’t afford to pay me. She was off to Hawaii twice a year and bought a second house though. My parents took her side and are angry because I had to cut her off.

Thank you , very enlightening. I thought I was alone in dealing with one. I was gaslighted, manipulated, made to feel completely mad. No one believed me. Now I understand they exist, are very real, and I am not the only person having to deal with this. Knowing it is a disorder on their part, helped me regain my own self worth. I pity them and pray for them now.

My ex narcissist agreed to let me get my tooth fixed by getting a $3,000 root canal. However for the next 4-6 months anytime he wanted something he would bring up the fact he didn't have the money to do it because he had to fix my tooth with our money.

About loaning money to the narcissist. When we broke up (when he discarded me) I asked that he pay me back 'cause I don't want any reason for us to talk again. I just wanted to cut him off entirely so I could finally heal. This is what he said: "It was your choice to loan me money, and now you're harassing me to pay you?" Wow. Just, wow. Down to the very last moment we talked, he never failed to put the blame on me.

You're so right about the money. They get offended when you ask them for the money they borrowed from you. Best practice , never loan them anything. My son is a narcissist, who married a narcissist... i feel very vindicated every time i think about the punishment they inflict on each other. When you learn who you are dealing with, it places you ahead of the game. They only ask me for money as their last results....i still say no to them every time. They get angry but that's okay with me

Every time I asked my partner to help pay bills or even mention lights, rent,and transportation she instantly started talking about i think money is everything what about her feelings and avoids telling me how much she can contribute. I end up paying everything. I've fallen behind and i have lost so much dealing with her. She always plays victim and comes off as a leech.

Everything you've said is so true. I'll never forget you saying we're screwed when we are economically dependent on them. Thank you for talking about and addressing this issue.

Spot on. My STBX encouraged me to me a SAHM for 14 years. When I decided to try and work, he found ways to sabotage my success and made me feel guilty about not being “available” to our daughter. I went back to work FT two years ago. It has been the best decision. I’m on track to make more money than he does in 5 years. He has constantly told me that I can’t do it and Put me down. As soon as I get my next pay raise, I am leaving. I want to financially well enough to do it all on my own. I just want to walk away and be done.

right before i left my narcissist gf; i moved from tennessee to florida for her. i left with $3000 & came back with nothing. she told me before i left, we would live together & all this bullshit. i knew all along she wasn’t good for me, but i wanted to try & fix her it took me awhile to realize that it hurt so much because it triggered the wounds from my narcissistic father. i learn so much from your videos, so grateful for this wisdom 🙏

This is the most healing, validating thing on narcissism I've learned from ... this is the area I've been the most hurt. Money is power, indeed.

My Mum is a textbook example of a Narcissist. Growing up, I would constantly have to ask for new clothes, food for a packed lunch or money for a school trip. Every time I asked to have my basic needs met, which was only half the time, it was always "I'm not made of money!!". Or the occassional, "You are so ungrateful!!!". It got so bad, I was being bullied for wearing clothes with holes and my teachers would get angry because I was not in full uniform. Adults would tell me I looked "peely-whalley" (pale & sickly), as I was not eating a healthy diet, due to my Mum to providing adequate food for school. At the same time, my Mum spent £100s a month on clothes, jewellery and accessories for herself. She is still as selfish as ever and has a major shopping addiction. I am no contact with her now and the last I heard, my Mum is nearly completely broke due to her spending habits. What goes around, comes around.

Dr. Ramani you sound like you lived this. How can you possible know every nuance about this topic? It’s truly incredible. I planned for my divorce 5 years before I filed. My attorney guided me on copying financial documents, account info, saving tax returns, you name it. I was prepared. And, my narc knew it so he had no choice but to cooperate. I highly recommend getting in front of this process for anyone who is struggling in a marriage with a narc. I also boxed up all my family photo albums and videos and put them in a storage unit. Those were my most valuable items. 👍

True "what's yours is mine & what's mine is yours" & "everything is our shared money"

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!! 🤦🏻‍♀️ Oh how I needed to hear this!! After 46 years I am always made to feel guilty for my spouses so called “gifts”! When the reality always was, he gave to supply his ego not out of love!! 😢 All you say is absolutely 💯 truth!! Oh what a scary proposition living with this madness!! 😮Thank you Dr. Ramani, for freeing my soul, and being the blessing we all need! ❤

Yep. I left a surgeon and father of my kids who earns over $AU800K a year when he said “$300 a week is too much to spend on groceries each week”. Refused to give me a budget. Cut off the credit card. Definitely 2 rules. So much happier without him.

Yes, my husband had double standards about money and controlled the narrative of our money and shame and judge me in a very convert privately way when I purchased an item. And he is generous when he is in public and will pay the entire bill when we are out with family and friends. He continues to posture this behavior as long as I have known him now I know why.

Spending on mistresses came first. Somewhere down the list were household and marital expenses.

I just found out my husband was a narcissist after he died, we were married for 18 years, I’m in shock, watching this video give me anxiety, i’m completely lost and depressed, I can’t believe I was so naive.😢😢

If you don;t make a big enough deal, they will complain that you aren;t greatful enough and demand for thankfulness

Just a little pet peeve. If a woman chooses to be a stay at home mom and she's doing her job correctly, she Is Working. Children although wonderful are exhausting little creatures who are always acting like "children". Please refer to a paying or traditional job instead of " not working". Thank you and keep up your great insights. You really show that you "get it".☺️

I’ve been dealing with this for 12 years. After watching and understanding what it is, I know how to move forward

All of this is spot ON! I felt confused by the switch to miserliness. The demand to put her name on my mortgage- glad I didn’t, but tantrums and meanness ensued. Didn’t make sense…the shaming, accusations and sulkiness. Never appreciating what I brought to the relationship- even though I knew my worth, always. I drew my boundaries, was consequent when they were disrespected- and I always valued myself. STILL- took me 3 years to see it all. Thank GOD I’m OUT! Am clear and relieved and loving the peacefulness. Thank you Dr. Ramani- such amazing work you do here. ✨❤️❤️❤️✨✨

Also in family relationships expect to be sabotaged in your career or anything that could make you richer then them. You being financial independent threatens their narcissistic supply. Having a certain narcissistic kind of wealthy parent dooms you to be unsuccessful.

Dr.Ramani, I wish I knew all this information 25 + years ago! Thank you for explaining this money aspect. 100% behavior I saw in my ex narcissistic husband and his family. Never took his family on vacation but hid spending thousands of dollars on his hobbies and guns. I once asked for some money to buy clothes for our children and he told me that ‘ I should spend my money ( I worked part time down from full time to raise our children) on my hobbies (our children) and he would spend his money on his hobbies.’ How sick he called our children ‘my hobbies!’ I would have divorced him at that time if I had the knowledge I just learned in this video. I just thought he was a mean sob!

They live in a state of resentment...they resent anyone else having things...including their own children. They even use money to buy their flying monkeys.

These videos I stumbled upon are INCREDIBLE! Question....what if I'm married to someone who dilberately lies yet will argue until the cows come home that she's telling the truth. For example (every single time I ask ANY question): "Like I said, like I told you, again, like I told you the other day, night, week, month........" And 99% of the time, she never told me but because she has to be right all the time, has to have the last word and never be wrong, she'll even tell you you're not listening even though she never told you what you're asking about. Guess who's OVER IT ALL? This guy!

IT DISAPPEARS… AND THEY DONT SAY THANK YOU. They are very ungrateful. They’ll come back and ask for more because they think they’re entitled to it. THEY will make YOU feel bad for trying to get it back, or reminding them they owe you. They’ll always have an excuse for why they can’t pay. “Medical expense came up” or “my hours were cut last week”. They will say ANYTHING to make you feel bad for trying to collect it back.

Criticizing my spending… Yes Feeling entitled to money… Definitely yes It’s a big mess You are so right doctor

I have been through this with a narcissist during 13 years, controlling our finances while she never had a job. It took me 13 years, shaming me and at the end I found out she had stashed more of $40,000 by transferring all expenses to the equity of the house increasing to the 40 000 balance on my name, when I discovered it, she filed for divorced two days later and she raised hell for me and the children while looking innocent and making me the bad person

Doctor Ramani your lecturs are crystal clear. You are the perfect professora for me. I am 70 years young. But I am realizing that I grew up in a Narcissistic family. I need to be free of the symtoms, And become myself. You are helping me a lot. I love you, thank you so much for your dedication.

When loving relationships aren’t distracting you it’s easy to make lots of money.

I've supported him financially off and on for 7 years while he pursued his dreams - while still taking on the majority of household duties. Then criticized for not doing enough. He got bored and despite 5 years at different schools, not graduating, has been unemployed for over 6 months and still criticizes my spending on household essentials. I'm too beaten down to fight back anymore. Don't get into a relationship with one. It breaks you.

Truth! He always said we were broke while he was hiding money!

I am going on 73, been married 55 years. I am only just now discovering why my husband is the cheap, miserly man that he is. So, he’s been using control of money to control me. How utterly disgusting! He makes demands of me that he doesn’t for himself. Unbelievable!

My Mom, as a stay-at-home Mom (with a PhD, mind), was given an "allowance" of $20 per week. It covered everything for the two of us. In the eighties, this allowance would feed a family of four for about five days. She did all of the money stuff, including the taxes. She kept up the house. It always looked nice. She didn't drive, so this meant my dad did the grocery shopping, which he lorded over her (she stopped driving after two car accidents at the same intersection, neither of which were her fault. I was in the car for one. Both drivers were impaired college students). She said other people found all kinds of things for her to do for them because she "didn't work" if she was a driver. Her way of setting limits was simply to stop driving. Personally, I might have avoided that intersection, and told the neighbors no. But she was so damaged by this point that this was all she could do. For what it's worth, there is now a traffic light there. So, my Mom and I dressed out of garage sales, while my dad bought expensive LL Bean clothes. He said we didn't earn our keep. When we did, we could buy our own clothes. My Mom furnished our house from garage sales. She refinished the furniture, and made it beautiful. On $20 a week. He never bought a stick of furniture once we moved into our house. Although not a driver, she managed without his help to get all of her finds home, sometimes on the bus. When I turned 18, and was in college, my dad tried to stop his support payments for my Mom to support me while I was in college. He had made sure she couldn't work in her field by bad mouthing her, and siding with someone she accused of taking her work. He said because his job covered my tuition (working as a university professor, dependents got free tuition), that he was already contributing, and that I shouldn't get anything else. He agreed to this. In writing. When I testified against him, it felt like Independence Day. I couldn't get him on the years of abuse, but I could get him on being a deadbeat. At one point he sat me down and showed me his finances. He was paying (supposedly) $6000 annually for my youngest step sister's private Pre-K and Kindergarten. I was living on $250 a month, $150 of which went to rent, and volunteering at a college radio station. "So, you see kid, this is why I can't pay you $400 per month." For years, he and his now-wife badmouthed me to anyone who would listen, ruined my reputation. I couldn't go back to church. These supposed Christians were so gossipy, saying all I cared about was money. I was and am shunned. He wonders why we aren't close. Really? He shouldn't bother. IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THE MONEY. It was always about respect.

I made one comment already but now that I've listened further into the video, my husband does all of these things. All of them.

OMG, now I understand why I always thank people a 1000 times whe they do something good for me. 😮It's a pattern from my old relationship wich lasted for 34 years. Thank God I have found somebody who is equal to me. 🎉😊

So much truth!!! I was "horrible" with money but he was spending it left and right and he was AWFUL when he felt he didn't have enough. I'm so glad he's out of my life. I hope others get out safely too.