Before I left and went NC with my mother, I had brought up that the fridge was broken. I had noticed it wasn't getting cold anymore. She reacted angrily, as if by noticing and saying it, I had caused it to happen. Then she outright denied that there was anything wrong with it. She told me I was wrong. I took to eating pot noodles and instant sachets of coffee, while for the next two weeks she used that fridge, even though the milk for her tea had become lumpy. And then, when enough time had passed, she declared the fridge was broken as if she was surprised no one else had noticed it. My partner thought this was the most bonkers thing he had ever heard, of course. I sort of knew, but my thinking was so clouded and I was so accustomed to her using every single thing to make me the bad person that I didn't see how insane it was. It's four years of therapy later, and every time I revisit this memory it's just more and more insane. How could I have lived like that? How could I have thought that was anything approaching normal? Just wanted to pop an example in here that was about something ordinary as well. The extraordinary lengths narcissists will go.

Pop often said, "Quit confusing me with facts. I know what I think."

Darren, your description of these tactics is priceless. As a young person, I saw my parents play these out. It was downright insane and led to an inner sort of rebellion on my part as well as a lessening of my belief in them as individuals and my respect for their authority. This behavior was off-putting and seriously destabilized the family system - eroding trust and any feeling of true safety. None of them ever grew out of it as far as I could tell. For these types, rational thought and compassionate listening goes out the window for sheer ego strength and totalitarianism. They were all willing to harm their own children in the process. Very sad indeed. 😓💔

I'm on the receiving end of this crap right now ... Great help here, calmly and intelligently conveyed ... Thank you ...

"The man who never changes his opinions is like standing water: He breeds reptiles of the mind" -William Blake

My family member who is arrogantly ignorant does this, exactly. I've learned to stop engaging at all, which irritates him. He's constantly looking for drama and argument over things that have nothing to do with him directly. It's exhausting and boring to be around him. He can't see the effect he has on others, and he doesn't care anyway. If someone does dare to say he's offended them, he demonstrates his lack of concern for the person and the relationship by mocking them. My family of origin dynamic has been to just tolerate it and act as if he never did or said anything offensive or bullying - "That's just how he is and you should know that by now." Well, yes. I finally realized that doesn't have to be the end of that story. I do know that's how he is. How I am is that I don't waste my vacation, holiday or free time around him at all anymore. Made "family" occasions slightly awkward for a while because I usually now have other plans. Holidays are now peaceful and joyful, no drama.

Darren, spot on again.

Absolutely right on the “cannot take criticism of any kind”. The rage, the “you caused me to have a nervous breakdown”, the blame shifting. So one must become detached and able to view the behavior for what it is. When it’s happening in real-time in front of your face it’s quite a ridiculous and pathetic display.

All good points, but there's one more I'd like to add... Narcissists will often interject with some comment or other which is completely ridiculous in a conversation which doesn't have them as the centre of attention, particularly if the attention is on someone else's achievements. They do this to divert attention from the achiever and on to the Narcissist, so it doesn't matter how stupid or ridiculous their comment happens to be, they double down to the point of stupidity just to keep the spoltlight on themselves and to "cancel" the other person.

Makes me think about the ”fair game” tactics Scientology uses and their policy ”always atack, never defend”.

It’s not the same thing. But narcissists will use it as them just being right. They may even come back, on the same topic or an entirely different topic, with a continued idea that they were right, last time and always, simply because they yelled the loudest or they shut you up. No winning with them. Best to dump them.

excellent

Great video, thank you. So many groups like that on Twitter 🙄

Very true~my ex-husband pulled this every time. I was pretty sure I wasn't crazy.

Thank you for another informative and well explained video!! Is there a possibility that you could do one about covert narcs in the workplace?

Make sure you have access to A lifeboat, especally if the ships going down. Don't worry about the flying monkeys, they can't swim.

My mother's desire to always be right led her to see something on the Internet which was what she had insinuated. They do not listen to anything or anyone that does not fit their map of the world. Completely inflexible

You've met my neighbours then? We have had no option but to threaten them with court proceedings. They have 28 days to come up with something to prevent us all from having to go to court. We cannot see a way out for them that doesn't expose their vindictive behaviour but we're sure they'll try desperately to think of something.

Fantastic video thanks. Also your looking handsome 😊.

I briefly had a narc friend. It became her goal to change my political views. I heard her tell her husband "shes really a _____ she just doesn't know it yet." That was it for me. Nobody decides my core beliefs. Friendship over.

Your summary’s are excellent.!

Thank you for the information this is very helpful ❤🙏

Thank you very much for sharing this information. Very insightful. 😊

it all comes down to one basic fact: they lie

Some toxic family members actually lost their house rather than make my life less miserable while I was renting from them. Just to be right.

U have something to talk about every single day. Just tell me how much a pint of Guinness with blackberry shamrock dressing costs over there these days. Thanks and God bless.

As an atheist who was raised Catholic I feel like I got used to having cognitive dissonance and just having to move on and accept contradictions. Eg. you have privacy, but God and your dead relatives are always watching you; the celestial is eternal, but now limbo doesn't exist anymore; God forgives everyone, but also turns people into pillars of salt for gazing backwards. You can't resolve the contradictions, so no point worrying about it, so worry about external world instead.

A high mach might change their view if it serves their goals, even to the point of forfeiting their ego.

DFM 👍

Darren please help us we don't recognise our son anymore 🙏

To be controversial, this describes too many voters and politicians on the right. If parties were people, it would describe the Tory party to a t.

I think your channel is not appreciated enough and it is excellent…I just wanted to say that.

Disney in a nutshell. :D

Are narcissists mentally ill ?

Jordan Cough Peterson

Wanna be dark 😮

😮 oh dear, this place is becoming just too much political commentary😂