Partners of Trans Series Part 2

Partners of Trans Series Part 2 | Coming Out Phase

Рет қаралды 3,346

2 жыл бұрын

In this part 2 of partners series we discuss what a partner goes through when trans partner comes out.
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Hello Friends! I'm Dr Z, and this is a channel where I help you break free from dysphoria!
I am a clinical psychologist specializing in the transgender field, working with adults only. For the past 18 years, my work has focused on Gender Dysphoria and the formation of gender identity. I provide online therapy for residents of California, New York, Texas, and Florida. My pronouns are she/her, and you can visit my website for more info at drzphd.com/aboutdrz
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Пікірлер: 28

@sarahurban1521 2 жыл бұрын

I felt deeply betrayed and lied to. I took a full week off work and holed up in my basement crying and trying to understand what was happening. I felt like the last 23 years were one big lie. Then I felt awful that I have had such a happy life and thought that my wife must have been suffering and unhappy all that time. I was sure that my partner's coming out was the first step towards our marriage ending. After a few weeks, and lots of reflection on our life together, I came to understand that my partner was not intentionally lying to me. She was working through her own feelings and shame, and when she was able to accept to herself that she was trans, she told me. She had been battling internally for decades, but that did not mean that she was always unhappy. That did not mean that she didn't love me, and didn't love our life. As soon as I understood this, I was able to jump fully onboard with my support. I am so thankful that I had that week off work to sit with myself and sort through all of those emotions.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Take your time, acknowledge your feelings, dont rush to make drastic decisions. Relationships are about work and moving through life together. If not now when?

@somethingtohandle 2 жыл бұрын

This video was very validating as a partner to someone who is questioning their gender identity. I'm picking up vocabulary and understanding of what I am going through and what my partner may be going through. My partner came out to me this week and recommended your series, so it was amazing timing. I think I'm in shock, like you described. I find myself not even sure how to interact with my partner and just keep running into the question, "What does this all mean?". I appreciate being told it's ok to feel this way and to take my time to digest all of this new information. Because, yes, it's a lot of new information!! I wish there were more resources for partners, especially to talk with someone. That's where I feel most trapped, that I can't speak about it because my partner hasn't come out to anyone else. So this was a nice place to start and to feel seen. Thank you so much!! ❤️🙏

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Glad it was timely. Above all take your time, don’t rush, and see if you can find a local therapist as support. You don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.

@Kim349 2 ай бұрын

I've listened to the whole series Dr Z and I'm so grateful for them. Thank you. My feelings have calmed down a lot since what follows. After listening to this one, though, I had some big feelings come up. As the trans partner in a relationship based on personal growth and commitment to each other, I rejoined my family after a few months overseas. I was met with what felt like a barrage of rejection and embarrassment and felt-- utterly betrayed. Our partnership, based on supporting each other to grow no matter what, felt suddenly like a lie and as if there was a fair-weather-only clause somewhere in the small print that I must have missed when I signed up.

@rachaelfaraday8679 2 жыл бұрын

And here was I thinking my situation was unique. This is so helpful and a text-book description. I just came out to my long term partner after a 40 year relationship. From her perspective my previous patterns of behaviour made sense although there was a strong feeling of betrayal. However, I’m counting myself fortunate in that she’s a clinical psychologist herself and could rationalise herself through it. Now at the very beginning of thinking about what to do next and what that means in terms of transitioning. So, loving your channel. You’re an angel thats just come down from heaven.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Wishing you all the best and I am glad you find the content helpful.

@samsungtelevision695 2 жыл бұрын

Dr Z this partner series is some of your best work. Thank you

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Glad you think so! Thank you!

@kataka2654 2 жыл бұрын

I'm in my 50s and last fall had what seemed like a sudden, left-field onset of gender questioning. Journalling, "regular" therapy, etc. has since helped me to realize that, in fact, there were lots of earlier signs... I told my wife as soon as I realized that it was "a thing". I think I called it a femme-storm. The timing sucked, since she was going through a lot herself -- but it HAD to be out as soon as I realized it, even though I had to tidy handle on what it even was. She was great about trying to understand it and not over-react. The ensuing months have definitely been a rollercoaster, though. She has come to be a more accepting of my femme side -- although neither of us are clear on what it means -- for me, for her or for us. So yet again, Dr. Z, your timing with this series is PERFECT and I know we'll be VERY grateful as we work though the series and the resulting conversations. THANK YOU.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I wish you both well.

@78mharie 2 жыл бұрын

I grew up in the 50s 60s and a time in the army ! At this time it would got me beat up or killed ! The T people have a more understanding now days . Thank you !!!!

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Sadly true. It is easier for younger generation today.

@isaacbarlow8247 2 жыл бұрын

While I was getting therapy before I got married, I was warned that I should have said something, but I honestly thought that I beat "the dysphoria" so I wasn't worried, I thought I had beat it once and for all and I was wrong. I feel bad every time I see her. I feel regret for not listening to my therapist.

@Aud_the_Odd 2 жыл бұрын

You did the best you could at the time, it’s such a hard thing to deal with no matter what choices you make.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

There is a bid difference between been cognizant that "I am trans and I have dysphoria," to "I beat dysphoria." Don't blame yourself. Apart from dysphoria, many couples are not fully cognizant of so many other aspects of who we are that end up being deal breaker. Its just part of being a human.

@lauragraham170 Жыл бұрын

People often ask me as a partner if I would be more upset if I knew my partner knew she was trans long before she came out to me. I always tell them that doesn't matter. Either I want to be with her after transition or not. My partner did things to try to "stay in the closet". Whether or not she knew what she was doing ultimately doesn't matter to me, even if she insists she hadn't really figured out out yet. Don't beat yourself up about thinking you'd gotten rid of your dysphoria.

@Phor0phor 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing this series free of charge. This is a great resource that you’ve created.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

You are welcome and glad to be of help.

@lauragraham170 Жыл бұрын

My partner's coming out with me was rather different because I ended up pushing her into admitting she was trans. I was still shocked that the answer was yes, but she didn't get to choose how to come out to me. A lot of things about our relationship made so much sense once I found out, and in some ways it was a relief.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Laura thank you for watching this series especially as a partner to a trans person. I am glad you are expanding your perspective so that you can also make best decisions for yourself.

@sdavenport3450 2 жыл бұрын

Not only do I love your content, I really look forward to seeing what jewellery you’re going to wear 😂 absolutely love this necklace x x x x

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Yay! Thank you!

@darrylclark1869 2 жыл бұрын

This video is spot on with me. I have been battling dysphoria for a long time, since I was a child. I though by having a traditional relationship, I could out run my dysphoria. I am truly wrong. After almost 30 years of marriage, I still can't find the guts to come out. I more afraid of losing everything that we have worked so hard to get than transitioning. But there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about being my true self. Somehow, I will just need to find some courage to come out and face the consequences. If I lose it all, then maybe I will be happier in the long run

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.