Emotional Neglect in a Relationship - 10 Red Flags

Emotional Neglect in a Relationship - 10 Red Flags | Dr. Jonice Webb

Рет қаралды 17,626

Күн бұрын

Learn much more about the importance of speaking your truth and how to communicate emotions in relationships in my FREE CEN Breakthrough Series: bit.ly/cenbreakthrough19
To find out if you have CEN, take the free Emotional Neglect Test: bit.ly/entest
To learn more about Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) and how to heal it to improve your relationships, check out my bestselling book, Running on Empty, for just $10: bit.ly/runningonemptybook
Find out more about Emotional Neglect at: www.emotionalneglect.com.
CEN Breakthrough Video Series:
1. Emotional Neglect: How to Recognize it, Why it’s Invisible, And How it Affects You | Dr. Jonice Webb:
• Emotional Neglect: How...
2. Emotional Neglect: 4 Subtle but Painful Things You May Have Missed Growing Up | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: 4 S...
3. Emotional Neglect: How it Can Make it Hard to Recognize Your Emotions | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
4. Emotional Neglect: 5 Ways it can Affect Your Emotional Intelligence | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: 5 W...
5. Emotional Neglect: How to Connect with Yourself and Find Your Voice | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
6. Emotional Neglect: What Most Therapists Don’t Know and How to Find One Who Does | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Wha...
7. Emotional Neglect: Use These 10 Affirmations to Reparent Yourself | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Use...
8. Emotional Neglect: Lack of Self-Discipline? It might be Self Neglect Instead | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Lac...
9. Emotional Neglect: How it Impacts Your Love Relationships | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
10. Emotional Neglect: Jumpstart Your Healing by Doing These 3 Things | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Jum...
00:00 Introduction
00:25 Emotional Neglect in Relationships
01:45 Emotionally Neglectful Relationship
04:30 Blame
05:30 You can learn
05:50 10 Red Flags
10:38 What now?
12:30 Conclusion

Пікірлер: 123

@DrJoniceWebbphd 8 ай бұрын

@somethingshiny343 2 ай бұрын

please prevent caleb hammer from further abusing his mentally ill and vulnerable guests and sicking his vultures on them

@querida1809 2 ай бұрын

Thank, thank you from the bottom of my heart. ❤ My relationship ended for this particular reason. My parents weren't perfect but I managed with a lot of therapy and self healing and awareness for not continuing this "toxic cycle". However, listen to your message, I recognized a lot with my partner who was and still is emotional neglected and he refused to seek professional help and blame everyone except himself. He avoid conflict, lacks intimacy. I was so drained and exhausted.

@hollyandstelladoodle8748 2 ай бұрын

I feel less alone when I am alone

@BloomByCC 7 ай бұрын

1. We misread each other's feelings often. 2. Avoid discussing difficult topics to avoid conflict. 3. Can't argue productively. 4. Conversations focus on logistics, not feelings. 5. Super is not your confidante. 6. If you do confide, they react inappropriately 7. Don't feel like a team 8. You feel alone even when with your partner. 9. Difficult to find topics to discuss. 10. Positive emotions like love feel awkward or only happen during sex.

@jeanettecollins694 7 ай бұрын

I’ve been lonely in my marriage from the beginning even though I recognized warning signs prior to getting married. I was so insecure and had the feeling of desperation that I told myself he was a decent man from a decent family and that was good enough. I’ve been paying for it all 33 years of marriage. It makes me sad, but now at 65 I have no one else to blame but myself. It’s been an empty, unsatisfying, un-joyful marriage. Sadly, I can’t muster up enough energy to work at it anymore. It is what it is. I feel embarrassed to admit that I didn’t have self-love to listen to my gut when we were dating.

@shirleyhunt8769 7 ай бұрын

So sorry have same experience ❤❤

@sallyrile7601 7 ай бұрын

You dud nothing wrong. U needed the security of him, as u may not had it in childhood...u dud best you could..u made best decisions u could at the times u made them. Have compassion for yourself.

@biancabollegraf5540 5 ай бұрын

Please don't put blame on yourself. You didn't know, your caregivers didn't teach you (and they probably weren't either)...and you did the best you could...and yes, it's very sad, I feel for you. Much love and strength ❤

@marciakatz5596 4 ай бұрын

9😊.@@biancabollegraf5540

@sundown2221 3 ай бұрын

Your story sounds exactly like mine

@wellscraft 4 ай бұрын

I've experienced much of this. I've felt like I'm a single person living with a f@ck buddy. When they show more emotions to their friends than the person they supposedly love, something is off.

@greta5656 4 ай бұрын

Exactly how I currently feel! I’ve grown resentful and have now even become less physically intimate because I’m missing that emotional connection. It’s rough!

@chaseroflight 15 күн бұрын

Don't even have physical connection here and haven't for decades. I am now trapped and alone in a thirty year marriage.

@erikavaleries 8 ай бұрын

It’s hard to meet people who are aware of their emotions. Or those who want to be.

@karenpowers2225 8 ай бұрын

I think it's because the school counselors are too busy with testing and other requirements to truly teach emotions and parents often have to work too many hours to teach emotions or aren't able to because they didn't really have the understanding of them.

@fernsmosslichens 8 ай бұрын

I grew up with intense emotional neglect for my entire childhood/early adulthood but I ended up very responsive to the my friend's and partner's emotions and emotional needs. I crave deep emotional connection and mutual emotional witnessing. I just wanted to name that so that there was space to experience severe childhood neglect but still become emotionally attuned and responsive adult🤗

@LaNoire27 2 ай бұрын

This is the primary reason my spouse and I are beginning the divorce process now.

@lcora1214 6 ай бұрын

Very well said and explained . I think it is difficult to fix when only 1 person in the relationship can recognize this

@j.r.1823 8 ай бұрын

I really like how you emphasize that no one is to blame for these issues and that we have to look at ourselves and our own behavior patterns as well. From my own experience, I grew up with a Mom who has chronic anxiety and depression, and while she did a lot for us and did make us feel loved, I did (and still do) feel a lack of emotional responses/ inquiries in how I feel etc., especially as I was growing older. I do notice a tendency of feeling easily overwhelmed by my own childrens emotions now. I have to actively try not to let this stop me from responding to their feelings and tell myself how important it is to accept all of their emotions and show an interest in them. It's especially hard right now as my teenage son is struggling with depression. Thank you for your content and for creating awareness about emotional neglect and how to break old patterns. It's very helpful, such an important topic! 💗

@user-hi4wo4qk3j 8 ай бұрын

OMG 10 out of 10 in our relationship. At 60 years old and on my 3rd marriage I need to fix my CEN learned behaviors' and access the ability to have a real connection in an intimate relationship. Thank you Dr Jonice.

@sloene72 12 күн бұрын

People can not thrive when they feel they feel they are taken for granted

@randigerber1926 8 ай бұрын

Where was this info 15 years ago, when my husband was ending our 25-year marriage? We saw a marriage therapist for a year, and he NEVER talked about this at all.

@mikewilkins2030 8 ай бұрын

This was my exact experience with both parents and siblings. Thank you so much for putting my experience into words! You are amazing!

@karenpowers2225 8 ай бұрын

This is some terrific advice! More people than I realized are affected by emotional neglect from childhood. It's like that saying "You don't know what you know until you know it." I wish that this was not a generational thing that seems like it gets passed on before finally as an adult people realize it, sometimes too late to have benefited the upbringing of their children.

@Suzu52 8 ай бұрын

None of this works if your partner is completely shut down, avoidant, and if you do try to talk they walk out if it's you uncomfortable....a lifetime wasted trying to make sonething work with a person who was not interested.....but pretended just enough to make you think you were the problem....

@rebecca_stone 7 ай бұрын

Spot on. I'm so sorry that this is happening for you. My partner was so unwilling, no matter the emotional gymnastics and communication skills I applied to make these conversations safe for him, he would throw items around the room or at walls behind me and tell me how dramatic I make everything. The techniques here are wonderful if both parties are invested however.

@melkerner 5 ай бұрын

My wife simply went away about 10 years ago. Her go to space is isolation and walls - not nasty, just absent. disengaged, no intimacy, no physical intimacy - just functional polite roommates who hold hands occasionally. Any attempt to bridge the gap or connect is met with "this again" kind of response. Lonely and may as well be sleeping 6 miles away instead of 2 feet. Add in perimenopause and she is content and putting no effort into much of anything. Her Mother was cold, distant and unforgiving in her cruelty towards her as a child, and I just don't think she sees this as a product of that "safe space" she feels comfortable in. Working towards some hugs, but she pulls away form anything that would produce close intimacy. Every alone time is either monopolized about her work, things about what needs to be done, the kids or what I need to do differently.

@sloene72 12 күн бұрын

So your wife isn't happy just having surface level conversations with you, she is requesting a deeper emotional bond with you, by trusting you with those aspects important in her life that she talks about, so you are likely listening and showing understanding that you heard her, by responding, but are you her best friend where she isnt left feeling she needs to go elsewhere to have someone else fill her cup with friendship? If she trusts you, that you can show empathy compassion and kindness in these talks then this will go to a deeper level especially if you open up about your insecurities after listening and you show her you have too trust in her as well. Tell her something she didn't know about yourself or show her something about yourself that surprises her and brings her closer to you and also you closer to trusting her.

@sloene72 12 күн бұрын

Any woman content with perimenopause is someone I am yet to meet. Is she really ?

@sloene72 12 күн бұрын

Pulling away in perminenopause may be about body shame or not feeling comfortable with her changes and believing you may point these changes out or not like them. Also preoccupation with all the new illnesses, complaints and weird hormonal changes means you're not well mentally and physically so how you're happy with how things are is beyond me when in it, but if so that is good. Maybe it's relief that no more children will be born and suckle off this body and sex won't be about reproduction. Try intimacy in public places more where connection grows like on dates but don't expect anything. Also try then because there is less chance she expects you want your needs met over her emotional needs. Women are emotional creatures and men are sexual. Need a balance of both for both to be happy. What turns her on out of the bedroom or what makes her feel love towards you out of the bedroom?

@sloene72 12 күн бұрын

If the things were done and work wasn't on her mind what then? So how much time is available to talk to one another about the things that need to be done, about work or anything else she wants to get off her chest and how much time is left. Are you rushing and not making time for you both as a couple to have all the time in the world for intimacy to happen or is someone not available a whole lot for this project and the same things are coming up that this is not done, this wasn't noticed and taken care off, are you hearing each other or are you simply listening to look interested but really aren't?

@sloene72 12 күн бұрын

Any blame or avoidance whatsoever is an intimacy killer

@lesleyvivien2876 5 ай бұрын

"You can talk to them..." ...not if he scowls at you and turns the television on to maximum volume.

@yomisma9114 6 ай бұрын

I think this is very helpful. I’ve spent many years in the blame game and isolating myself due to lack of communication between us. What I thought it was emotional blindness in my husband and his family (hello?) it turns out to be emotional neglect. Very clear. There’s hope but it will be a long hard journey that I will (we will) make willingly and joyfully. I did commit to this person and I know he does love me. Let’s go!

@juozupaitis 8 ай бұрын

This is so well said. Thank you for all the work you do in this area of psychology and helping people heal the emptiness they feel.

@chammar6511 8 ай бұрын

Spot on! All of these flags were present in my previous marriage. As the kids grew and we were faced with different challenges over the years we just couldn't find a way to connect through communication. Divorce felt like the only option because we were so lost and lonely IN the relationship. I wish I had known there was an explanation and a constructive route to take earlier. Thanks for the great work you are doing! I read your book 6 years ago and I am practicing my new emotional skills in a new loving relationship and I am sharing this "new" me with my adult children, hoping to be a better example for them now...

@lucid_747 5 ай бұрын

Somehow i did do those 3 healing steps with my late husband and it carried us through 30 years together. i say "somehow " because we were both emotionally neglected in our childhoods. i needed more emotional closeness and figured it out, but it was still a hell of a ride. He resisted going very deep or for very long and put off any emotional conversations he could. He used anger to exit the scene. Fortunately i examined everything all the time so figured out dynamics and realized so much over time ❤

@catbee1452 5 ай бұрын

Can the cause also be that the other spouse just doesn't want to give much of themselves and in return, expect to be given everything? Such as in a narcissist ? I don't believe that its always some sort of trauma or neglect that causes this. They are born this way, everything is about themselves and they just take take take because they are selfish and self centric. My husband grew up in a 'Leave It To Beaver' household; he was the golden child. He held his breath to get his way. He'd make friends with elderly neighbors and spoil them with compliments and manipulated them to make him cookies and cake. I mean, some people are really opportunists because they are downright selfish with their time and resources and they constantly look for others to give them what they want or have others do things for them. Kind of sounds socio-pathic. Yup, my 44 year marriage.

@user-ui8pw2zf3n 2 ай бұрын

Yes. But also, most of the research I’ve seen is that narcissists are made not born, possibly through severe insecure attachment. I’d be very interested in learning about the intersection between CEN and narcissism

@savannah3355 7 ай бұрын

@Dr. Jonice Webb I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the fantastic explanation and realization of the very easily fixable issues that can save and bring much happier relationships together. You took off a huge weight off my shoulder. You saved my beautiful relationship that only lacks on emotional connection.

@user-ui8pw2zf3n 2 ай бұрын

This video message is complex. It’s very likely true that CEN can cause one to feel that they don’t feel like a team or that they don’t communicate about anything other than logistics or they don’t rush to share accomplishments with their partner. However, those can also be very self protective and healthy responses to emotional abuse. I’ve spent 17 years in relationship with someone whose behaviors are very consistent with vulnerable narcissism. I spent YEARS of my life assuming we just had to learn how to have more productive disagreements. Years spent in couples counseling. It was deeply damaging and made me feel like I just needed to try harder, be better. It screwed with my self esteem.

@rickturnr 8 ай бұрын

What if your partner doesn't share many of your interests?

@jonharris9054 8 ай бұрын

10 / 10 😟. I try to be completely emotionally self reliant. I don't expect anyone, including a hypothetical partner, to help me in this area. I feel like it's selfish to have needs. What can I realistically expect a woman to do for me if I do start a relationship?

@rebekahfarris4993 8 ай бұрын

I enjoy listening to your podcasts as well as reading your book Running On Empty. The first time I read it, I let out so many buried feelings of anger that I hadn't even realized were there. If it hadn't been for your book and two ministers, namely Robert Morris and Joel Osteen, I don't know how I would have made it this far. I look forward to the day I finally get to buy the next book, Running On Empty No More, and get to learn more of what it will take to build healthy relationships with all those who matter to me. Between your book and the Bible, I have been taken all the way from feeling totally unlovable to being able to laugh at myself when I make mistakes; from feeling lonely when I'm alone to being able to enjoy my alone time. One big hurdle I have right now is in finding a career that I can support myself with. Every time I look inside, I see nothing. Is there some area I need to focus on in order to find this part of myself? Thank you for any suggestions you might be able to share. Sincerely, Rebekah Farris

@jasonfitzpatrick414 8 ай бұрын

I've seen the partner talk with her friends more than me, then she became really anxious and talked with me. She could have talked with me the whole time. And another woman i dated had been married and they divorced, i dont know why they separated, but she had some issues with her body. I should have taken the initiative to tell her how pretty she was and told her not to worry about her body. I've been on this poverty cycle and that is destroying my self esteem so I'd rather be alone. I'm ready to address the situation though, I'm tired of it. Thanks for the videos Dr. W. and to everyone out there talk to your spouse or date. I didnt find out a woman i spent significant time with wanted to have a child until eight years after we broke up. Hello? What? Now you tell me.

@andreamegec9836 4 ай бұрын

totaly resonates with me, my partner is fearfull avoidant type, and has traumas, that got to surface, and after 17 yr of relationship he cannot commit, I am secure type, I was mostly standing for us and resolving problems, emotionally we are almost disconected, we are christians, so now we are tired am so exhausted of battleing, conection fading, and dont have clue is it good to go to marriage with him, so sad

@giakhalsa7971 8 ай бұрын

Excellent video with very clear explanations. Thank you. I am in awe of your awareness , clarity, and knowledge

@cherylcorbitt4540 6 ай бұрын

You have successfully described this sad couple. I will share this with my husband and hopefully we can begin to learn and build a good relationship. Thank you

@AzEagletarian 8 ай бұрын

Thanks Jonice! ❤🦉🌻

@amypetra5021 8 ай бұрын

What if you want to ask but hate the fact that you want? What if you want connection but at the same time get angry at yourself for wanting it? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

@hawanajwaabdullah6134 3 ай бұрын

Noticed this is 4 months ago. I hve been feeling the same way lately. How's it going?

@love4uallone572 8 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for this❤

@MrSuperbluesky 8 ай бұрын

Thank you

@TheAlm85 4 ай бұрын

I was not emotionally neglected during childhood, but spent 18 years in a marriage where I was emotionally neglected. Your video opened my eyes to my own deficiencies. I have been struggling to keep emotional connections with friends, family, and my romantic relationships for years and now I understand why. Thank you.

@lauraboyes6345 2 ай бұрын

The best so far.

@michaeljoyce9732 8 ай бұрын

Thank you so much..Jonice...Carmel.

@yellowisme 8 ай бұрын

Ask. Give. Take. ❤

@evachan101 2 ай бұрын

Helpful.

@denisecortezklotz3089 2 ай бұрын

WOW! U hit the nail on the head. We already split. A month now. In devastated.....been struggling.....i.....I cant do this anymore

@suzannehorton3146 8 ай бұрын

wonderful video....I have always been open about how i feel ....My boyfriend use to be more compassion and not i find he lacks empathy.. or he is more judgmental..i have always been honest and talk in a calm way to tellhim how i feel.about a situation ..so i stop talking to him about anything too personal... which leaves me very upset... thank you for the information ..it really helps

@thebluecrush777 8 ай бұрын

Yikes, I had each red flag!😮😢

@shoshanalove-sh8kk Ай бұрын

Thank You so much for your wisdom and for the process to healing.🙏🙏🙏

@sadiekimmer3950 4 ай бұрын

Exactly this

@user-yx3yy6fl7g Ай бұрын

It takes a lot of time and a lot energy, over time, to rightly connect on a emotional level and to maintain at that level with much knowledge of emotional skill.

@mcalison70 8 ай бұрын

So painfully on target with my experiences!!! Do you have a video on adult self-healing from CEN? I think I need more practice feeling my own emotions and identifying them-I too easily ignore myself

@sallyrile7601 7 ай бұрын

Read Tina gilbertson's book, constructive wallowing, re feeling healing painful feelings. Excellent

@user-zy3fh6yz8x 8 ай бұрын

And how much and when do you begin to disclose your history in a new relationship?

@sallyrile7601 7 ай бұрын

When u realise they worth knowing u

@rhonmc2782 8 ай бұрын

You can't fix relationships with this when one is on the autism spectrum!!! Why not warn your clients spouse may be autistic or at least you look deeper to see if this might be true. REASON IS you and other therapists or psychologists don't have the specialist skills. Please at least keep this in mind for your couples if for no other reason to save lives like mine being destroyed.😢😢😢 Try finding put after 42 yrs married he has Aspergers (autism spectrum) who is unable to communicate or connect emotionally. Not his fault. He was born like that. Now he's gone and I've had debilitating depression and anxiety for decades. Why did no psychologist or psychiatrist pick this up or mention emotional neglect for me in 20 yrs!!!!!!! of therapy and hospital stays.

@HP84963 8 ай бұрын

How about being repulsed by needyness in your partner? Also, I want to ask you if you are currently taking one on one clients, I can't seem to find answers on your webpage. Thanks for your work.

@sallyrile7601 7 ай бұрын

If it's excessive, childlike neediness, it's from childhood, and not u, but therapy needed, as ur not his mother. But if its everyday, normal, etc, u may have fear if ur own neediness, so can't give him..

@zoekothe3457 7 ай бұрын

❤

@TheMainelady01 7 ай бұрын

Is healing possible with an ADS spouse?

@astrobat87 3 ай бұрын

My partner puts his 12 year old son first even at the expense of now not being able to see him up to a week at a time. Won’t show me affection. He thinks I’m selfish because I’m lonely

@Troy-ol5fk 5 ай бұрын

Watching this for my future girlfriend

@Madamchief 3 ай бұрын

She's impressed 🤭

@Troy-ol5fk 3 ай бұрын

@@Madamchief awwww

@fallon7616 3 ай бұрын

Nope. My husband is emotionally drained me

@ppyluv 3 ай бұрын

My husband is on the spectrum, so… 😢

@irinaivanovic9792 8 ай бұрын

MEN need to hear and listen to this advice. They are 99% of the time the reason why relationships feel so darn lonely for women with all the emotional neglect.

@plainlyeclectic 8 ай бұрын

Women aren’t the only ones feeling lonely because of emotional neglect, and definitely not 99% of the time because of men. The blame does nothing (it’s what you’re doing). Men and women both suffer significant emotional neglect in their childhood

@karlapatterson3693 8 ай бұрын

It’s not just men. I have CEN & everything this video discusses is me. If you only blame men you will miss the true reason for problems.

@jonharris9054 8 ай бұрын

Re-listen to the part about blaming. You must have missed it.

@irinaivanovic9792 8 ай бұрын

@@jonharris9054 I didn’t miss a thing. If you ask most relationship therapists you’d realize the sheer numbers of women outnumbering men in terms of not getting their emotional needs met. That’s a fact.

@irinaivanovic9792 8 ай бұрын

@@karlapatterson3693 The **majority** of the time it’s women who aren’t getting our emotional needs met. That’s a fact regardless of what you think.