I was in a dark place once and I was complaining to my friend, once again and she said "Stop, you're giving me a stomach ache." I kind of took a step back and was horrified that I was being 'one of THOSE people'....it really opened my eyes.

Sometimes you have to avoid these kind of people if you can. I have a family member who is like this, and I had to move away from this person. I tried to be the change, and sometimes you just have enough that you say enough is enough. I've given the advice to this family member over and over, and since she didn't want to listen, or wanted to constantly whine about her problems, I moved away, it wasn't the only reason I moved away. It's really harder when it's your family who is the emotional vampire. I tried being loving and supporting, and I've gotten to the point now where I just don't give a crap anymore. Family or not, I refused to be sucked in. I enjoy positive cheerful, people.

I got caught in a toxic firendship. Lost 25 yrs of my life. Tried to be there for her when she needed someone to talk to. When I needed someone, she was not there. Hardest decision I made was to drop her like a hot potato. I still have contact through facebook, and its the only way I can deal with her. Cannot/ will not talk to her face to face, and I don't want to see her inperson. Too painful. She is also self-absorbed,self centered. I feel pity for her. The sad thing is it took her 7 yrs to realize the firend ship is over done with. Ever since I don't allow people too close to me now.

Its annoying how casual they are about this-its pretty serious these people can really break people down

I completely understand. My mother has a reason for her EVERY FLAW and always finds a way to justify her behavior when she's being unreasonable or just downright insensitive. Sometimes the "proper and kind" approach doesn't change anything. But then, it's your mother so you can't be as honest as you want to be without being accused of being disresepctful. Therein lies the problem.

There's the saying misery loves company, but that company doesn't necessarily have to be miserable, sometimes people just need encouragement. But if someone is determined to be stuck in a problem, there's only so much one person can do, and honestly... When it come down to it, there's only so much human beings can actually (or are willing to for that matter) do for each other. Better to keep your personal shit to yourself. Not to mention there are these creatures called psychopaths who are flat and void, and view any genuine emotion as a sign of weakness to be stamped out and destroyed, they're born this way and there is no fixing them.

There is a saying tell me who your friends are and i will tell you who you are. Be careful in life by accumulating people around you out of pitty or because you want to be social and not discriminating. You better pick your friends out like you will pick good fruits out of bad ones. Apply that to your family aswel same blood does not mean authomaticly goodness of heart. And evil and jealously goes hand in hand.

I strongly believe you can't help anyone who can't help themselves. I completely agree with this discussion overall because this is very relatable to my own personal experiences. Anyone has a right to protect their own well-being if they know they are being drained by someone who has toxic energy. I also believe people with a lot of toxic energy, not willing to change, will eventually destroy themselves. They have to recognize that they are creating this victim mentality in their own minds and they have the power to heal themselves. They can learn to accept responsibility for how they feel and take their power back so they can move on to a better path for themselves free from anger, resentment or any negative emotion. There is hope if they are willing to believe it!

One of my family members are like this, I honestly think I've become like it myself due to the constant exposure to it

Just tell them to piss off!

"OK my friend, would you like this problem sorted ? Yes? Right, here's what we'll agree. You tell me all about it, yes? ... and we can discuss it and I'll tell you what I think and maybe suggest some things. Your end of the deal is simple ... you just have to take away what I say and give it some serious thought and consideration and, if it makes good sense to you, then you go with it. That's the deal. Now, if I welch on it you never have to speak to me again ... and if YOU welch on the deal I won't continue to listen to you. Is that fair? You OK with that?"

Limit contact with toxic people!

This could have helped some at work a few years back when I found myself working closely with one of the hardcore emotional vampires. It was my first experience with one and was completely stressed and exhausted everyday and didn't know what to do. Started out trying to help, then began shaving off more and more time from this person, but the nature of the job limited that. I consider myself a kind, gentle person but ideation of violent homicide began to creep into my mind. Finally had to quit.

You can always cut emotional vampires off. Why befriend or entertain a snake when you know it's going to bite and that its venom is toxic? Would you expect anything else?

this sounds like a recipe for bullying people suffering from depression. with depression you are unable to see the good side of things only the negative, that is part of being depressed. when you are depressed you need the support of others and I have witnessed people being cut off or bullied by others who can't be bothered to listen. yes some people love to whine but please be very aware that some people really do need to talk and be heard. please be caring and think before you ignore someone

what they say is basically: Never talk to anybody about your problems. Never share anything with anybody if it is not cheerful. Never complain about anything no matter what it is. What's the world come to??? Who are those people??? They should never be allowed to have children. They are the most toxic people I have heard in my life.

The best way is to RUN!!!... away from these toxic people. You can NEVER change them. And never allow them to change you. They may behave for one or two weeks but they just go right back to what they are used to doing. But if you are stuck with them then just try not to become their victim. It is a hard life to deal with them regularly but I think being emotionally detached from them and not being their BFF is very helpful.

I cut an emotional vampire friend and am very happy about that choice. 15 years of emotional draining was making me ill. Now, the secondary thing that comes from cutting off friendship is now I am dealing from psychic attack from her- it's been 6 months and she won't give up! I am protecting myself and family and am having a lot of bad luck- auto accidents, feeling watched, body aches, clients not paying, e-mails not being delivered to clients, etc- So, I suggest BEFORE you break a connection

I think they make a good point about letting somone know they are being emotionally draining. As a person that has had their fair share of things to feel upset about, not to mention being brought up a dysfunctional environment, you lose or never gain a healthy way to communicate with others. It was finally understanding how it makes others feel that made me much more conscientious, not to mention feeling better myself.

Be careful telling some people it can backfire. Some of them are arrogant and full of pride and will sometimes harrass you or make up lies about you. Best to get away from them, as some nothing you say will get through to them, get away from them.

I agree with Jeorney, although there are some emotionally draining people out there, labeling them "emotional vampires' seems a little immature and unscholarly. It is so typical for media to categorize human beings into labels and stereotypes. The academic truth is that people suffer from emotional wounds and have different ways of coping. The best we can do is recognize these symptoms, how to cope with them and help people heal. Some ppl wont heal or may be too draining, thats when you run!

I don't hold myself hostage to others toxicity ANY MORE,I use to smile and bear,I. Excuse myself politely and exit right....

they're everywhere-just lurking to take your sweat energy from you-like they thrive on it-missery loves company-& I personally don't feed the beast & have been called heartless,uncompassionate,ungiving cause of it-LoL-all cause I won't sucome to their drama-

I get you totally, we all go through tough times where we need a shoulder to lean on, and hopefully we're willing to be the shoulder for those who genuinely need it. What is not acceptable, however, is to behave like a victim when you aren't one. People who have a victim mentality look for reasons to complain, there's a difference between them and a real victim. Someone who has no empathy for others, who always has it harder than anyone else, and who takes no responsibility for their own situ.

I recently cut off ties with a female "friend" who continually used my time to complain forever, and do nothing. I would offer her encouragement and all she would ever do is dump her problems on me. I went for an entire year without talking to her, until she emailed me out of the blue saying she needed to talk to me. I ignored her. She went away. Now she has come back and tried to contact me through my work. I ignored her yet again and someone told me she was ranting about me on Facebook! OMG

Get your courage and SPEAK UP! 30 seconds of a bit of fear or 30 years of slow suffering!!! which would you want?

It's crazy that someone close to me is exactly like this. But, she never looks internally. If I approached her in the "how could this be better" way, it would be something vague like, "he can stop being so rude" and she goes on. She also views things from an external perspective. If she saw this, she would never think about if she was one.

Yoh my sister complains about work almost everyday, its so tiring to listen to. She also complains a lot while driving which I feel is affecting me too as I'm not an experienced driver yet (not blaming her). I'm learning that I shouldn't complain too much & when something isn't done right I should just ask calmly & directly instead of speaking in riddles. Complaining excessively & not being able to speak assertively go hand in hand. I'm done complaining, no to being an emotional vampire.

Knowning that I have my own voice, opinions, boundaries. The only person I can control is me! I can control what happens to me. I can set timits on the exposure to people who behave poorly. I can't change them or make them behave right. But I can take a stand agaisnt things that destory. I can separate myself from people who act poorly or destructive ways. That is not an unloving thing to do. I don't have to be around them.

Be the change you want to see in others. I like that its great advice!

I have a "closed" friend who likes to complain about others but praise herself and show off herself. She is a closed friend but never but true friend. Always like to compare me with her.. Knowing how sensitive she is, I did: 1) Avoiding hanging out so often 2) Put on the earphone and raise the volume of my iPod when she starts 3) Straight away tell her off, if I find it is wrong (she may stop talking but she will gossip about me with other later) 4) Praying to get detach away from them.

my mother is a complainer. she is always complaining and being negative about something and she attacks me for it. she will do something and complain. she helps other people and complains. i have confronted her about it and she says because i made her feel that way? and she goes into attack and defense mode. i often feel drained and I feel tired and listless. i avoid her and i don't talk to her and she attacks me again.

"Not to become a victim to THESE people." I think everyone is eligible to be one of "THESE people." I find that sometimes life coaches and such are really good at telling people how to be something they really aren't in real life. They can wear a "coach mask" to cover up their own "THESE people" feelings. No one can be 100% positive all the time. That's not how life works.

Giving giving giving not good for you compassion for yourself first. This is great. Thank u

I do tell my significant other as calm as I can, that what you are doing is causing abit of turmoil in our relationship but then I get, "Oh, you are saying it's my fault?!" There is no getting around solving problems in our relationship. I ask her if she's got 'soul'utions or ideas we can solve our problems with? She has never been able to answer any of these questions. I really do my best not to see her negativity or absorb it but I'm reminded of it when I notice it, which is alot.

You're right but, the so called "emotional vampires" always find something for complaining and fear they don't have a solution for it and it's not the the listening and understanding you can provide for them it is the negative obsession that they're always showing !!!

What a toxic program. In my experience, people stop complaining once they feel listened to and understood. True empathy (not just faking it) is a very important human quality. In this day and age, people need it more than ever. Sure its important to get people to look for a way out of a problem, but sometimes thats not an option. Imagine losing a loved one, and everyone avoided you because you were suffering and needed emotional support.

my friend told me her husband was abusive, i said break it off, dump his ass, well she didnt and continues to make excuses why he is such a wonderful man, i simply dont bother about that no more

Unfortunately, we each would need to take our own power within and find it in ourselves to speak up. We cannot control the other person. And a lot of times when we do get the courage one may come from the anger or frustration so it isn't communicated correctly. This is definitely an art to master that is comfortable for you.

I like how they talk about these "emotionally vampiric" people like they're objects.

I think sometimes everyone of us is an emotional vampire, so I dont think excluding is the ultimate way.

There is someone in my life who i think is a really negative soul! Sometimes he comes around and when he leaves i find myself hating and despising him and im 90 per cent sure it is his problem since i rarely feel this way about anyone else. I dont like it because it makes me feel full of hatred but anyway i really try to avoid this guy as much as i can! Maybe i need to be kind to myself since i beat myself up for feeling that way. Energy vampire! damn. they are around and can sometimes find their way into your life.

My personal rule that I try to follow: Never judge anyone - ever - in any way - about anything, except under any one or more of the following circumstances: 1 They owe you favors or money 2 They are an emotional vampire who won't shut up - however, it's actually better for your own sanity (and possibly for your safety) to abandon them, than to judge them. 3 They are your childen 4 They fall into that extreme category which includes criminals 5 You are perfect without a single flaw.

lol, I can laugh about my experience now... it came about when my sister said to me, "Can you get off your soap box?, someone else wants to use it". Harsh, but it worked. Made me realise that I was miserable inside and out. I changed and no I dont need the soap box any more.

They also come from the generation where people were taught to talk about their problems, so it going to create a generational clash.

My mom is kind of like this, constantly complains to me about her relationship with my dad, but dose not want to put any effort to change it, or about how my brother is a man child but dose not want to lay down the law.

So THAT's what an Emotional Vampire is? Boy! Those are sooooo benign, compared to the monsters I have to cope with. Is that really the whole definition, or did they leave out the worst parts to "keep it light" for TV? A cousin was one of these harmless vampires. He would trap me in hours-long discussions of his problems (which boiled down to the fact that his tiny inheritance allowed him to not do anything about anything). He died totally alone, because EVERYONE, eventually avoided him.

Sorry, I disagree. I've observed more often than not that the real issue is the so called 'good' people a.k.a victims gang-up, back-bite and do all sort of nasty things and make living hell for some people, make them feel unwelcome, for no reason other than getting pleasure out of it. and then call that other person a vampire. I can understand some people being like vampires, but they are not forcing you to listen to them. You can always tell them nicely or avoid them. People are so interested in being opinion makers now a days...they spend more time talking about people. I guess it has more to do with group dynamics. Remember, Great people talk ideas, Average people talk events and Negative people talk about other people ....most of the time. (Y)

This video is about "emotional vampires" and "toxic people". There is a concept here. NOT everyone will stop complaining once they feel listened to. It is not something isolated or specific, is recurring behavior. In this case, consciously or unconsciously, they drain people and this is not healthy. We need to set boundaries, with empathy and civility.

My grandma is anm emotional vampire and she knows it and she expressed she doesnt care. She wants us to feel whatever she feels, ruiend my parents marrige , still doesnt care. She said she is not done yet even.

It is odious to call a person an "Emotional Vampire." This is a "sexy phrase" that sells books and gets attention because human interaction is not perfection. I am aware of my ability to become absorbed, and then to become sad or resentful, later. Learning moderation and gracefulness in friendship may not create a sexy book-sale, but learning to communicate as a thoughtful adult is part of wisdom - and wisdom is usually free: just observe and adapt.

There is a whole book about them by a psychologist named Bernstein. There are not just whining vampires, there are also narcissistic aggressive vampires, ocd vampires etc. And I think men may fall for different types of these vampires. These vampires usually try to fill a huge void in their lives they need treatment for. And I would test telling them the truth with smaller things, even the whiny ones can become really aggressive and revengeful if addressed the wrong way.

type in(topnotch do you)and press search,this is just what i needed to hear!!!

Aussie Aussie Aussie maaaaaaaaaaate!! Not sure why it's becoming a trend but it's great to hear our accent on US TV and of course, incredibly educational!! :D

I have a good friend in college she's supportive and all but everytime she opens her mouth .Shes all this miss Negative saying that Im good in every subject coz ive been shifting from one course to another (but really i shift courses because |I don't take education seriously that time).So I invited her to have a lunch and lemon tea , told her that "friend please dont be negative,i care about you,Im a positive person.Then on she drifted away from me./now shes just an acquaintance.Im so relieved

I find that making sympathetic noises and nodding alot leaves me free to think about other things like unicorns and puppies or what to have for dinner

"I feel that women are more the...victims..." good save by the male Anchorman

I'm sure these women have never complained about anything in their life, cause God forbid.

I believe they can only attack you if YOU allow them. Simply meditate on cutting the ties from them to you. As it is said, our thought bring everything to us. Dont worry about it any more. Light and love

I agree with Jeomey. It sounds like others are an inconvenience to you, like people should only talk to you about what your topic of your day is, that other people should only talk about what is pleasant to you. Wake up. You're in the real world. You are going to be affected by problems the world has in some way and you think you can avoid it. Good luck.

I cant recall them ever addressing the HOW, just examples and stories and meaningless chater

I should also add though, psychopaths do tend to play the victim and pretend to be a victim to garner pity... This is a little different, their problems are never genuine and it's always one sided, and actually intended to suck your emotional energy... You'll know this by if it's completely one sided and the person shows no concern for you whatsoever. You should beware of these emotional vampires... But by all means don't lose your compassion and empathy for your true friends. just be wary and wiser.

Try to make the "toxic" person aware of your feelings, yes indeed, but make sure you ask the "magic question". Ask them, "In what ways do you think you need to grow and change?" If they respond in any way that they don't believe they need to grow or change ... run, run away as fast as you can. More than likely you are dealing with someone who has NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. These people are disordered in such a way that they are incapable of doing wrong. Even when you point out to them that they just broke a law, a very non-emotional and casual response that denotes non-caring is another red flag. I do what I want and I don't care are a few reactions you will get when confronting someone with NPD. They will lack empathy, seem very unemotional/flat in emotion, and when acting an emotion, it can come across as forced and unnatural. I don't see much of a difference between NPD and a sociopath. Presently I am living with a 63 year old female NPD. There is no reaching them and only one choice, get away as soon as possible and never look back. If you work with them and they're NPD, sooner or later they'll burn everyone out and they'll be shown the door. These people are incapable of being repentant and each day it is necessary for them to ask forgiveness ... for the same offenses, over and over and over. Sad really, not being capable of changing, of evolving :(

The ones that SNEAK up on you or catch you off guard still bother me...mocking your sister’s Mother-in-law is just not normal!

When you offer options to a energy vampire you are just feeding the monster.

A narcissist can turn a simple statement all around if it does not suit them. A couple days passed & I got lambasted by her 3rd narcissistic rage, which she delivered via phone. Narcissists never consider that there is anything wrong with them. As per usual, she wouldn't let me talk or even explain my view... that I am her friend on every level. She always talked at me 90% of the time and repeated her statements up to 3 or 4 times!!! REALLY. I cut all ties.

Couldn't agree more...I love the Aussie accent, and the advice they give is like no other...LOL

I live with one of those and telling them constantly, does not work. So I wear and eat garlic. That works great.

My ex left me emotionally drained...Now she has a new prey. And I'm sure she's not treating him nowhere near as badly as she treated me.

Yep, I agree in extreme cases. The best thing is not to feed them, just cut it off change the subject or if need be say good bye.

Be sure to be fake and never talk about your problems! We all need fair weather friends.

2.Of course I speak in general sense ... there are always good people who get mixed up with these cancerous cells and create chaos in society. Tip of advice do not judge someone based on suspicion, judge them if you have actually witnessed them from your own very own eyes.

do not invite them to any social events o invited some one to my wedding and i wished i hadnt

Incidentally I'd done a scene some time back, on my character moving on STEADILY after a bad r/s, and knowing he's gonna be BETTER OFF without her. Or if you're a girl, you can be better off w/o him. I think that dramatic sequence will be motivational to those looking to move on. Enjoy, people. Act: RELATIONSHIPS - You make me Wiser, Stronger as I LEAVE. "Take control." [Actor Kris Mavericko]

BTW: if a person has no "emotional " feelings towards anyone.. start off with " I do not want to hear your issues, illnesses or shit ... get outta my face" think exactly what YOU as humans are saying about others? avoid humans ... makes as much sense as you saying you have any degree . amazing.

you know counselors are a wonderful group of people who can help put things into perspective. I dont know how old you are, but if you can get access to a counselor, then please go chat with one.

oh thank you very much.

Count yourself lucky for you have not encountered a emotional Vampire, sure people have difficulties and problems and need to sound off, but not all of the time, if its not one thing its something else but there is always something and that is constant!

and sometimes a high fence makes a good neighbor. When they see the Love of God in you, and you direct them into prayer for the problem and the person they are so bitter toward...this becomes an oppprtunity to let the Light shine. If they are truly only interested in feeding the evil, then they will soon find someone else to bog down with their crap since they know all you will engage them in is petitioning God in a right way.

I tried to tell my mom this ...that she was being negative, she blames ME ....she does not see it....and she's been this way forever...there must be a payoff...or she'd change...she's been suicidal , too....but refuses to help herself ...bringing this up did not help...sorry...she's exhausting to be around. i'm sad.

I would say dont try and make the people who are emotional vampires "SEE" what they are doing or how they are behaving. Everyone believes they are right in their own mind. When u get to where you are trying to change their mindset you arent gonna do it then it winds up draining your emotions. I would say the best advice is dont resist what they are saying let go on how it makes you feel at the same time realizing their behavior even when it something that may be true. Just let them vent.

This may work for the determinedly self-conscious person but it's a sad, sad sight when kids are involved, and believe such 'needs' to be normal.

Great topic. Thanks for sharing.

Interesting...infinite perspectives on this. Not unlike the seemingly endless facets of light striking a prism. I know quite a few people who try and help everyone, and usually end up overwhelmed themselves. Probably what scared the survivors of the Titanic off going back. Being swamped. However, being the only one high and dry in your very own 'life boat' can be a pretty lonely existence.

@coolchicnfriends I feel your pain....I avoid my ma , too

What if the energy vampire is your Mother ?

The best way to deal with toxic people is to confront them and then avoid them

@guzsaj I did not say "provoking" leg shot..... I said "gratuitous".... I am referring to the drop dead gorgeous brunette on the far left of the picture. Healthy heterosexual male viewers cannot possibly miss it. While self control when it comes to processing the image is always a variable depending upon the individual, it is a completely unnecessary distraction. For about the last 10 years or so, news media executives have been removing the newsdesks to facilitate this "leg gawking"

@LeadRat You can't tell people to change, they need to do it for themselves because they want to

my boyfriend and friends are toxic too... theres no getting away from it

You can want to help them, but you can make them want help.

You don't have to read it because the ideas are rapidly spreading by other means such as this video, music or books. However the idea behind Emotional Vampire and Phychic Vampire are the same and have the same pattern. Its clever in a dubious way because its not immediately apparent why its wrong. Just look up these terms and you'll discover the source of these new phrases.

these people have NPD. I'm the blacksheep of the family and drop EVERYTHING to help everyone else, I have sat on the phone and listened to friends and their troubles for HOURS. I have helped put up fences and walls; babysat anything to help. As soon as my NARC ex leaves, no one wants to hear it, no one wants to listen, They forget all I have done for them. The people you are watching on this video are the weak ones. They can't find the strength to listen to others, let alone help them.

I have toxic family members. That's why I never follow the family tree . Be your own person and move on.

@LeadRat i was thinking the same thing or they say, dont tell me that weird shit. if a person means well, it will work, if they dont-they'll make excuses for it. everyone makes an excuses. charles manson has an excuse too, so did stalin.

I get it, i really do. But Everyone needs help in life and i also think that most people in the world nowadays don’t like to help others or care about them. In America, it’s all about “me”. a-ME-rica.

Master Coach , right,

yeah I agree, these people are disgusting it's been awhile since I've seen a segment with some many bones to pick. They should higher someone who can say "Try being a human being".

Because Emotional Vampires work way harder than all the other free riders. An emotional vampire is surrounded by under achievers that are inconsiderate & leave the burden on EVs' shoulders. Where there is a complaint, there is a request. Work harder & be considerate to the EV work load that far exceeds your petty lounging. EV's are stressed physically as well, as all others stand around, nor do they obtain the skills to complete EV related tasks. The issue is equality & Non EV's are selfish.

:D I become a fake Emotional Vampire!!! I cut the coplaining saying "well I have a REAL BIG issue " and tell a diferent annoying story.With plenty with crazy details.Propose to get somewhere to have time to tell all the details...My offer is never accepted! :D I'm the BEST !