Ep. 24 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Рет қаралды 1,106,528

4 жыл бұрын

The 2 Bears Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back in the cave this week and it's a real special one. It starts off with Bert showing off his latest homage to Wood on social media. Is he good enough at photoshop to keep people from reversing what he put up? We then get into Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, alleged slander on Sean William Scott, smearing brown on your significant other's nose, and some amazing raps written by Bert and performed by Tom. Wow.
yourmomshousepodcast.com/
www.merchmethod.com/tomsegura/
/ yourmomshousepodcast
/ yourmomshousepodcast

Пікірлер: 3 200

@grigoryrodchenkov5405 4 жыл бұрын

Are we sure this isn't the episodes where Ari drugged Bert

@lewis6590 4 жыл бұрын

"Zach. Zaxh Zaxt Daxt Dax."

@middzy6 4 жыл бұрын

I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed he was off his rocker today

@bigdaveyjoyce7890 4 жыл бұрын

I wish the molly actually exploded his heart like LeeAnn pretends it did.

@spankey88 4 жыл бұрын

Looks like someone who took a ton of Xanax and did a line of blow to wake back up

@austinsmith2808 4 жыл бұрын

Yeah too much Xanax will turn you into a Bert.

@frankzappa9148 4 жыл бұрын

I haven’t watched this episode yet. But I bet Bert talks about himself a lot in it.

@theintangiblewun 4 жыл бұрын

Uh-hundred percent

@Bittamin 4 жыл бұрын

I cant wait!

@bott3849 4 жыл бұрын

How did you know!

@newsrapper 4 жыл бұрын

@andrewkeast5978 4 жыл бұрын

Andrew Reynolds does he talk about anything else ?!?! 😂 😂

@therealOscar 4 жыл бұрын

*Bert kills someone* "It doesn't count it was with Rogan"

@sadboijokes 4 жыл бұрын

“I pre-wrote some freestyles.” Ahhh cool so that’s how those work.

@westropptay7388 4 жыл бұрын

No rapper just makes it up on the spot. Only a few are that good.

@LegitimateJuice 4 жыл бұрын

Tay “no rapper” “only a few”

@medotata5356 4 жыл бұрын

@@westropptay7388 Actually, a ton of rappers can freestyle

@derkavondangerkill7628 4 жыл бұрын

@@medotata5356 fool

@derkavondangerkill7628 4 жыл бұрын

@os terminal no rapper freestyles. The closest they get is doing what you said. If they try to actually freestyle they sound retarded. People that think famous rappers truly freestyle probably believe in magic.

@Mike-om4tv 4 жыл бұрын

My grandma says she watches this show for bert because he reminds her of the overt racism in her youth.

@maxmax4511 4 жыл бұрын

Mike love it👉🏻👉🏻👉🏻👉🏻👉🏻✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽🌮🌮🌮🌮

@gimirubin1236 4 жыл бұрын

🤣

@boofert.washington2499 4 жыл бұрын

My Granny is into racism, too. It's pretty funny.

@Panetrain12 4 жыл бұрын

Bert should call the Guinness Book. This has got to be the longest stroke of all time.

@tommyg413030 4 жыл бұрын

Burnt should throw in the preverbial wet towel at this point & count the stacked cash he's burned so many out of... 🐈

@SunflowerDogs 4 жыл бұрын

Genuinely coughed so hard laughing I almost shit my pants.

@sleepingninjaquiettime 4 жыл бұрын

I guarantee you would crack under the pressure of that dude's work ethic alone. Keep talking all your shit in comment sections.

@Frostbitten. 4 жыл бұрын

@@sleepingninjaquiettime right homeless cats? he's got a killer work ethic, B. just come by the cawlmedy store to see it in akshun

@sleepingninjaquiettime 4 жыл бұрын

@@Frostbitten. Talk ur shit guy, it's all you got.

@MultiJesselee 4 жыл бұрын

i thoroughly love hearing the crew in the back ground laughing hysterically.

@Earloph_Shitler 4 жыл бұрын

That's literally my favorite part of every episode +

@spankey88 4 жыл бұрын

Seems like they’re forcing it to me

@reefchiefer 4 жыл бұрын

I love when bert says something ridiculous and tom looks at folks off camera, smirks and shakes his head

@BrothaManRoyal 4 жыл бұрын

I thought it was a laugh track my first time

@ViolentGamerOfficial 4 жыл бұрын

Its the jew you're hearing

@kenthanna1454 4 жыл бұрын

Tom: "Have you ever had an STD" Bert: "Of course"😂🤣

@frankAKAaustinwest 4 жыл бұрын

For being a professional public speaker, Bert's command over the english language is tenuous at best.

@about99ninjas56 4 жыл бұрын

Filibuster

@keeganpower6931 4 жыл бұрын

@@about99ninjas56 I bet he knows fuck all about bird law though

@oBuLLzEyEo1013 4 жыл бұрын

Tenuous even...

@malkinmalone 4 жыл бұрын

You should check out Brendan Schaub.

@benmager9696 4 жыл бұрын

Well..... filibuster

@danielpenrodii2389 4 жыл бұрын

“I’m a huge Kirsten Bell fan” *seconds later* “SHE WAS IN VERONICA MARS?!?!?”

@markrennie86 4 жыл бұрын

Bert's such an unbelievable idiot sometimes, it's hard to listen to him...probably the best podcast on the internet though.

@jvmtube 4 жыл бұрын

She was in Forgetting Sarah Marshall!? --- If only there was a way to remember what her character's name was in that movie. Goddammit, Bert, I wanna like you, but you're making it so hard these days...

@donmega2642 4 жыл бұрын

seriously? you and over 110 people couldn't see he was clearly joking?

@itrosic 4 жыл бұрын

i scroll down just to post this!!! how fucking good is Bert!

@Kickasso 4 жыл бұрын

@@donmega2642 nope

@bbernales177 4 жыл бұрын

It’s immensely frustrating to listen to bert denounce soap and actual showers. 😂

@PeaceMastah 4 жыл бұрын

Debate over by simply asking to search the purpose of soap rather than the ingredients. wtf

@caliokie4059 3 жыл бұрын

I love him and he's hilarious , but hes the dumbest person in Hollywood "one hunnnnndred percent"

@tonyjohnson4538 2 жыл бұрын

Okay so as soon as I heard the pool counts as a shower (& not the 1st time Bert has said it) I IMMEDIATELY went to the drinking game - *new rule* - if Bert says anything about how the pool is same as shower EVERYONE has to guzzle their drink, hit pause on podcast & refill the drink and guzzle another (or at least 1/2 depending)

@ShredHarmonic 3 жыл бұрын

I laugh literally every time Bert is talking in typical Bert fashion and Tom just kinda glances around with that smirk.

@StarFoxN69 4 жыл бұрын

Bert “I think this has been one of the best episodes yet” Everyone else: Did Bert have a stroke?

@cultbender 4 жыл бұрын

StarFoxN69 It’s from too much Xanax I think.

@RonYoYo 4 жыл бұрын

@@cultbender pretty much. Not sure if his doctor explained this to him but xanax works on the same receptors as alcohol and as such produces a similar effect. So while bert may be 10 (not 16) off alcohol he has not been 10 days sober

@TraGiiXzaze 4 жыл бұрын

@@cultbender probably honestly. Xans fuck people up, and when you're in his situation you can get as much as you want from a doctor. I got addicted to xans right when I got to college, and I'm still missing months of memories. It's weird bc certain songs I listened to a lot during that time bring back memories. Honestly though, until bert starts slurring his words I think it's safe to say he's ok.

@rancidrylan5460 4 жыл бұрын

Tbh i really didn't like this episode and it is 100% Bert's fault

@Meestaseesta 4 жыл бұрын

Not just a stroke, 4 strokes.

@wisterV 4 жыл бұрын

“That’s why I’m not an alcoholic.” -Bert Kreischer

@jamestobin2529 4 жыл бұрын

Lmao an alcoholic is anyone who alcohol affects negatively but continues to drink.

@Kickasso 4 жыл бұрын

@@eirik5568 nope that's an alcoholic in denial's definition. If you know alcohol is having a negative effect on your life and you continue to consume it despite this, you're an alcoholic

@pdubzpyro 4 жыл бұрын

wisterV that doesn’t even make sense

@pdubzpyro 4 жыл бұрын

Eirik Surname Yes. That’s Bert.

@pdubzpyro 4 жыл бұрын

Kickasso wait? You literally just said what he did and told him his definition was wrong because he used less words. An alcoholic is an alcoholic. Bert is an alcoholic. He drinks every night in order to sleep... that’s enough there. And obviously he’ll lie about his amount of consumption, like an alcoholic. So like Bert, there’s the alcoholics that drink at some point everyday to get fucked up.. then you’ve got dependent alcoholics that need a drink to wake up. You can be an alcoholic, and not physically dependent. Lol

@dwizzle530 4 жыл бұрын

Berts rapper name should be “Machine Gun Belly” 🤣

@xanaxe2mg855 4 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣lmaoo good one

@KevinP0724 6 ай бұрын

"I don't think any rapper talks about the travel channel" has me dying every time

@dirkbowman946 4 жыл бұрын

That Bert drinking game is going to kill someone

@newsrapper 4 жыл бұрын

Probably bert

@MrSatyaloka 4 жыл бұрын

i feel like he has been playing the drinking game competitively since collage

@idab6864 4 жыл бұрын

It's already killing him. His brain is boring holes from his alcoholism.

@Stephen_Eee 4 жыл бұрын

@@MrSatyaloka to burnt reality Is the game.

@DubsBrown 4 жыл бұрын

Ep. 1 “Everyone is gonna hate us” Ep. 24 “Is James Franco gonna hate us?”

@grinch9817 4 жыл бұрын

DubsBrown so tru. They are like Howard stern. Trying to be corp funny now

@weston7585 4 жыл бұрын

@@grinch9817 oh okay thanks for letting us know

@evanquintin5609 4 жыл бұрын

this is gonna be a tough round of Bertus Interruptus

@hunterlittle8793 4 жыл бұрын

Zach Shepard Kristina Bell Ashton Coocher John Wayne Scott Pol Pat Adolph Hitson Jordan Stalin

@reefchiefer 4 жыл бұрын

Aston coocher

@_ralph9524 4 жыл бұрын

Massauge

@warrenaesthetics9739 4 жыл бұрын

Nightmere

@diaz6884 3 жыл бұрын

Ben a-fleck

@brad3741 3 жыл бұрын

I'm pretty sure he called Dax, Zaxed

@dananderson6047 4 жыл бұрын

Bert trying to get Dax Shepard's name right is the most stressed out I've been since the shit went down

@jasminemason1174 4 жыл бұрын

I had to smoke weed to not get angry

@kingg1044 4 жыл бұрын

Berry Opener lucky. I had to strangle my dad’s new girlfriend’s dog

@RosannaONeill 4 жыл бұрын

I tapped out of the whole podcast after that, and I’m the type of listener that plays all podcasts straight through. The worst 12 mins of audio I’ve ever been subjected to ever.

@Doorito_ 4 жыл бұрын

Ive never even heard of him and im amazed how much people care about this xD

@ethanp9068 4 жыл бұрын

Dan Anderson when he said Zax my soul left my body

@Kbwintyy 4 жыл бұрын

Did berts tongue get caught in his teeth? Jesus it’s like this guy couldn’t see what he was saying

@joshuabarber7844 4 жыл бұрын

Saka souffle!

@kevindube7096 4 жыл бұрын

To be fair he does have real shitty teeth 🤷🏽‍♂️

@danielpenrodii2389 4 жыл бұрын

He went full Cajun this episode!

@jg8366 4 жыл бұрын

Xanax is a hell of a drug...

@zakkeryc 4 жыл бұрын

Does he drive himself to podcasts or does somebody drop him off? ;) y’know what I mean?

@aaronjones8254 4 жыл бұрын

Rolling on the floor laughing so hard my whole body hurts watching tom’s face watching Burt sing

@Boltman47 4 жыл бұрын

I really want to finish this, but I'm 5 minutes in and idk how much bert I can take.

@Stbuster31 4 жыл бұрын

dude, its not worth it. don't continue watching

@Thedudeabides803 4 жыл бұрын

Bail

@Popothechinchilla 4 жыл бұрын

Yup. It's rough

@sloanbryan9651 4 жыл бұрын

It's taken me days ngl

@spankey88 4 жыл бұрын

Yeah I give up too. 20 in and it’s getting worse. Tom has said like 3 words

@trent_mcneely7554 4 жыл бұрын

Bert is like that sitcom character that starts to be written dumber and dumber as the show goes on, except it's his real life.

@civic9404 4 жыл бұрын

This is low key funny. Sorry Bert. You’re still the funniest personality.

@spankey88 4 жыл бұрын

Definitely. If he was acting they’d be like dial it back bud it’s not believable that anyone is this childish and dumb

@austinsmith2808 4 жыл бұрын

Robert that’s what happens when you take Xanax! Haha

@DGiovanni 4 жыл бұрын

He might seem less dumb if wasn't trying to be so deceptive. "SHE WAS IN VERONICA MARS?!" is a great example. He is pretending to be a fan of Kristen Bell while also pretending to be a fan of Veronica Mars, but not realizing that Kristen Bell is the fucking main character of the show. Or the constant fake laughing at everything anyone says. He's just kind of a phony and a suck-up.

@tpeack 4 жыл бұрын

mentioned it in another episode but he really is homer Simpson, tons of adventures getting more absurd, the turning point is when they're humiliating themselves with a bear for money, describes one of his kids as smart and one being just like him who doesn't do well in school, even has the high pitched teehee, tons of terrible life lessons from his dad, if burt started telling a story about having a crayon up his nose i'd believe him, has major life style changes that revert back to the status quo at the end of the episode/sober october.

@wldlvndr9934 4 жыл бұрын

"Who's Kristina?" "And who's Zach? LMAOO

@BurntBurrito111 4 жыл бұрын

@boboso4705 4 жыл бұрын

He messes names up a lot. Just this past weekend he was livestreaming with adam Sandler and said he loved the movie happy Madison.

@NORFOLKIAN 4 жыл бұрын

It took legit 3 minutes before he said their names right.

@alexanderjeromewhite2380 4 жыл бұрын

@@boboso4705 I think happy madison is the name of his movie company

@boboso4705 4 жыл бұрын

@@alexanderjeromewhite2380 I think you're right, good point.

@seancohen81 4 жыл бұрын

49:41 Tom: "Do we have to go yet?" Even Tom doesn't want to be there

@kevinavelar3284 4 жыл бұрын

Dr. Drew really needs to intervene with Bert’s addiction problems... it’s gotten so bad

@62hamburgler 4 жыл бұрын

The Kristina Bell and Zach Shepherd story was extremely painful and frustrating to hear.

@r2droo2 4 жыл бұрын

He's a "huge fan" lol

@natfingerboard 4 жыл бұрын

I bet it's the latter

@Stephen_Eee 4 жыл бұрын

I understand cringe porn after that

@audioliciousxxx 4 жыл бұрын

He's been spending too much time with Larry King.

@wc6046 4 жыл бұрын

what's the time stamp i just started

@Kevin-ne5yq 4 жыл бұрын

So they could have definitely started this podcast two minutes later. Staring at Bert staring at his phone. What kind of inception hellscape of a podcast am I addicted to

@hombretropical3028 4 жыл бұрын

Exactly why I like this podcast haha

@Stephen_Eee 4 жыл бұрын

He was watching a start of another podcast when he was also on the phone. 2 levels deep

@eluketronic 4 жыл бұрын

Couldn’t agree more. This ep might be my last. Bert is such a fucking tiktok i can’t take it

@NORFOLKIAN 4 жыл бұрын

Yeah, if it wasn’t for Tom I wouldn’t like this so much

@cal8863 4 жыл бұрын

Lucas McComb when

@MysticT 4 жыл бұрын

I love the person laughing their ass off in the distance

@gregg_w 4 жыл бұрын

I picked the wrong episode to play after dropping acid this is wild EDIT: I survived but totally forgot about this comment until now

@ryanratliff14 4 жыл бұрын

Good vibes bro 🤙🤙

@johndavis5030 4 жыл бұрын

safe travels m8

@supernovah3978 4 жыл бұрын

Hope it went well man. Stay safe

@scottp.548 4 жыл бұрын

Hope you went to the supermarket.

@spacemancam 4 жыл бұрын

Gregg Wilding lmao this is the perfect episode bert is a mess

@TheSkis 4 жыл бұрын

Bert: Do you have a chest cold? Tom: I have allergies and - Bert: My allergies are so bad right now.

@FloridaCactus 3 жыл бұрын

@Cartman4200 2 жыл бұрын

Time for another drink lol: Bert interrupts someone

@hkitty007 Жыл бұрын

Poor Tom with allergies, geeE ze, Bert lay off.

@vic80895 4 жыл бұрын

Wow, someone should've monitored Bert's alcohol detox, his brain is short wiring

@abrownmn 4 жыл бұрын

Short wiring eh?

@titoortiz168 4 жыл бұрын

No the Xanax taking it’s place is far worse than alcohol

@chriskeyvcu2013 4 жыл бұрын

Holy fuck he's lost it hahaha

@gabrielgolden4336 4 жыл бұрын

#BertHasTheDTs

@joshuabarber7844 4 жыл бұрын

@@titoortiz168 Yup exactly, he's been hard to watch.

@stevefink2824 4 жыл бұрын

"I pre wrote some freestyles.." Well, there goes the whole freestyle aspect of it Bert.

@Karl_Marksman 4 жыл бұрын

let's be real, true freestyles are few and far between. People think of stuff beforehand

@camfox5187 4 жыл бұрын

Burt should slay the five fingers of death lol

@stevefink2824 4 жыл бұрын

@@Karl_Marksman yea, I know man. I always thought Slug was legit, same with Del Tha Funky Hompsapien. It was just a face palm moment when I heard it.

@glennhaines8563 4 жыл бұрын

I know this isn’t what we mean; but some history-Big Daddy Kane described that freestyles are any rap “free of style” so that can be written a as well.

@narcolepticchairftw 4 жыл бұрын

Steve Fink freestyles can be written bro

@MrStardat 4 жыл бұрын

New drinking game: Drink every time Bert says "I", "Me", or "My

@SilleeJimi 4 жыл бұрын

MrStardat people will be dead in the first 10 minutes

@nicholasmaher843 4 жыл бұрын

Might as well call an ambulance ahead of time.

@AndreAJI89 4 жыл бұрын

7 mins in and Tom has COVID and Bert's having a stroke. Jesus lol.

@mimigiggles4199 4 жыл бұрын

Saka souffle

@FiddyFourty 4 жыл бұрын

Andre Ibarra that basically sums up everyone of these podcasts.

@katelynp2794 4 жыл бұрын

And by 13:00 i wanted to punch bert

@kmchrist1 4 жыл бұрын

Bert’s lost his gawt damn mind

@Kickasso 4 жыл бұрын

I bet Bert's deleted tweets were reaaaaaal racist, also Tom telling Bert he's good at singing and rapping might be my new favorite thing.

@biglicker4473 4 жыл бұрын

😂 bert is definitely going to release an EP

@matthewcejka2203 4 жыл бұрын

Bert trying to gatekeep podcasting is the most Bert thing ever

@ballisticinc7101 4 жыл бұрын

The look on Tom’s face when Bert says he thinks this is the best episode they’ve ever had lmfao

@Rtechmobile 4 жыл бұрын

You can almost hear Bert's synapses miss firing , he is a treasure.

@rworded 4 жыл бұрын

He's funny because he's a clown, he's not a comedian.

@DatHombre 4 жыл бұрын

@@rworded cool.

@KitchenerLeslie2 4 жыл бұрын

Gracchus Babeuf thank you. My wife laughed at Bert’s special was snoozing through Tom’s special. My wife is a nitwit. But she is nice and beautiful. But Bert is a hack.

@KitchenerLeslie2 4 жыл бұрын

Misfiring

@Ipipeyourmom 4 жыл бұрын

Dr. Remulack your old

@Cyxz666 4 жыл бұрын

"thats why I'm not an alcoholic" THATS EXACTLY WHY ARE YOU ARE AN ALCOHOLIC

@markcummings2723 4 жыл бұрын

Yeah it kinda defeats the point if you have to say your not.

@antoineboileau4194 4 жыл бұрын

I really missed Tom during this episode.

@PeaceMastah 4 жыл бұрын

Poor man is suffering from severe drug addiction. I hope someone close to him realizes before its too late.

@xaviercook7996 4 жыл бұрын

“Arbeit macht frei!” -Bert Kresicher in his Hey Big Boy special

@Maddin050 4 жыл бұрын

Xavier Cook he reminds me a bit of eichmann

@jeromejenkins3961 4 жыл бұрын

More of a Göring vibe

@kingg1044 4 жыл бұрын

I always thought of him in the same lane as Goebbels with his fanatical devotion to Adolf and being in “media.”

@horsthorstens2266 4 жыл бұрын

king G He‘s a mix of Görings look (fat) and Goebbels devotion

@6vitamin 4 жыл бұрын

Bert’s just like a HS teammate of mine, he didn’t believe in soap. He never used it, smelled bad, and had bad acne. He legit didn’t believe in soap. And no Bert, soap washes away microbes and stuff, because it’s the only thing that can trap lipids, fats, and any microbes with lipid bilayers, and washes them away. The gross stuff on your skin will stay there with water, because if you ever washed an oily pan, water doesn’t wash it off. Soap traps that grease and oil your skin produces, and the stuff trapped on it, and washes it all away.

@boofert.washington2499 4 жыл бұрын

#soapscience

@omegaduckie 4 жыл бұрын

Bear McHoneypots I’m itching at home, wanting to scream this at him. People; soap forms bonds with the oils on your skin that trap bacteria and washes them away. Antibacterial soap is unnecessary. God, Bert is a filthy pig

@jackcline9594 4 жыл бұрын

I feel personally attacked by this post but it’s so true.

@ClaytonMathisPitt 4 жыл бұрын

Bert is fully Cajun.

@chicagoparker 4 жыл бұрын

Nobody can be this famous and not say something stupid...

@JaredCollins87 4 жыл бұрын

I love how uncomfortable Tom is when Bert tries to get him to sing and rap

@sinkuskidd 3 жыл бұрын

“I think it’s the latterrrr” “you mean former” Straight out of a Will Ferrell comedy 😂😂😂

@charleeriverbear5153 4 жыл бұрын

It was kinda hard getting through the 7 strokes Burnt Krishna had

@almightysosa3007 4 жыл бұрын

SHE WAS IN VERONICA MARS?!?!?! Bert she was Veronica Mars

@Jack-is9sm 4 жыл бұрын

Bert tells the shaving Tom's chest yet again. 'Three stories Bert'.

@kamrynsmoyer3791 3 жыл бұрын

“What’s the girl that dated Pete Davidson” That is the first time anyone has ever said that lmao

@MrSambabex 4 жыл бұрын

Bert literally interrupts every chance he gets. Someone’s gonna get shitfaced !

@cia834 4 жыл бұрын

Sammy Hernandez I don’t drink so I improvised the job I’ve been taking a .05 dab every time Burt interrupts. I’m about to pass out.

@MrSambabex 4 жыл бұрын

Andy Alcauter HOLY Fck loosen your pants they are to high and tight ! 😂

@joescarborough8434 4 жыл бұрын

@@cia834 that's like...30grams of dabby doo.

@nhdyz 4 жыл бұрын

You wanna get shitfaced ? Drink everytime he says "by the way..", good luck.

@MrSambabex 4 жыл бұрын

N H D Y Z for real every time he forgot what he was talking about I would just be like 😒🍺

@_stevek 4 жыл бұрын

Bert's the guy that goes on American Idol and thinks he's amazing and doesn't understand why the judges shot him down.

@clintonleonard5187 4 жыл бұрын

Seriously, this singing bit is hard to watch.

@SEXCOPTER_RUL 4 жыл бұрын

@@clintonleonard5187 it made me involuntarily twist my head around as if i was frantically looking around my room for something, as the embarrassment flowed through my entire being

@KazuYuuu 4 жыл бұрын

I've never seen a man who has so much confidence on subjects where he lacks any information or on things he's never done before. I can't tell if Bert was genuinely trying to sing or just having a stroke towards the end of the podcast xD

@hywodena Жыл бұрын

Reminds me of my father, if my father was an alcoholic

@bradycharlton4620 Жыл бұрын

Bert trying to sing, then rap is priceless😂😂😂

@deathinslowmo 4 жыл бұрын

Is Bert having a Stroke? This man's brain is short circuiting..

@DUDERZ_ 4 жыл бұрын

Withdrawals

@Browithswag10 4 жыл бұрын

too much xanax

@SiNN4R 4 жыл бұрын

Alcohol works as a preservative.

@Kevin-ne5yq 4 жыл бұрын

It's the xanax

@alexhoward1884 4 жыл бұрын

What do you mean? Zack and Christina Bell are a great couple.

@CadChamberlain 4 жыл бұрын

I love that Bert has the most blind confidence ive ever seen.

@onthewattle 4 жыл бұрын

Cad Chamberlain xans.

@brentcooper29 4 жыл бұрын

“The black community is systematically destroying this country” - Bert Krunchwrap

@JACKiE0H24 4 жыл бұрын

I love Tom Segura and I JUST found out theses 2 have had a podcast going and I've been binge watching them all week long now. I live for these podcasts

@KitchenerLeslie2 4 жыл бұрын

Bert has early onset dementia or something. Jesus Christ. He’s gonna be a mess when his ALS kicks in. He’s got that Lou Gehrig gene, not the Mickey Mantle gene.

@cultbender 4 жыл бұрын

Dr. Remulack It’s from too much Xanax.

@KitchenerLeslie2 4 жыл бұрын

Colt Bender good to know, I was thinking of trying Xanax hearing them describe it.

@geofflitwin9020 4 жыл бұрын

I’m fucking dying at the Lou Gehrig gene. Holy shit.

@tommyg413030 4 жыл бұрын

Xanax is the mental date rape drug for all the millennials that can't seem to cope with "life".... as well as dude's in mid 40's that bodies are producing too much estrogen. Over weight titty men

@Austin-td5bq 4 жыл бұрын

someone needs to show him the studies that show gum disease can lead to alzheimers

@1LouSassel 4 жыл бұрын

Gotta give Bert some credit, he has the unique ability to make himself laugh his ass off more than anyone else can

@jerryflowers1648 4 жыл бұрын

His laugh is annoying roo

@MAXimumEffort44 4 жыл бұрын

yeah he's the actual worst but its like a train wreck you can't look away from

@gimirubin1236 4 жыл бұрын

Deep in the Bert is some real gem..real nonracist ..A machine..

@rworded 4 жыл бұрын

Narcissist

@johnwillis49 4 жыл бұрын

Bert has his only Larry King moment trying to pronounce Dax Shepard’s name

@nathanchilds5034 4 жыл бұрын

First story in and I'm already drunk, "Zak, Zaks, Daks ...what story are you telling?"

@SpacersChoice 4 жыл бұрын

Bert "I'm a huge fan of people whose names I can't remember" Kreischer

@Hieillua 4 жыл бұрын

He's a fan of everyone more famous than he is.

@Thedudeabides803 4 жыл бұрын

Kiei Luahi oh everyone

@sydurgraham7760 4 жыл бұрын

Zaxt Shepherd...wait Daxt

@razzamatazification 4 жыл бұрын

Burnt "who?" Chrysler

@eeeeeeee134 3 жыл бұрын

You

@howardm.burgers 4 жыл бұрын

I think Bert might reach full cool guy status within a year if someone doesn’t intervene.

@tommyg413030 4 жыл бұрын

you mean if he keeps suckling his famous buddies nut sacks... Feel sorry story of the year

@SodaGG 4 жыл бұрын

Yeah, it's all starting to get too real and not funny at all... This man needs help.

@Hals 4 жыл бұрын

I'm worried

@Sean-dp9pv 4 жыл бұрын

Do you think it's actually getting worse? I honestly can't tell if he is getting worse or if my patience with him is getting worse because I have more exposure to him because of this podcast?

@SodaGG 4 жыл бұрын

@@Sean-dp9pv I think it's both

@jmas9828 4 жыл бұрын

I've never wanted to hold a pillow on someone as much Bert during this episode. Zakks, Zack, Dash, Zaxx, Dazx, Dass, Zach right?! Damnit Bert!

@TheMikeWithaD 4 жыл бұрын

This is perfect. Thank you guys so much!

@6vitamin 4 жыл бұрын

“I’m not an alcoholic” he says as withdrawals are making him Tik-Tarded, and has a timer of sober days on his phone.

@stephenpowling 4 жыл бұрын

But he definitely hasn't had a drink in 16 days, minus that one time 10 days ago.

@fannymccracken6385 4 жыл бұрын

Cringey episode.. Hey, Burns Krishner, you are your biggest fan, huh?

@sonofskye 4 жыл бұрын

Brett is drunk and slurring on this pomcast mommy

@rworded 4 жыл бұрын

He's on blood pressure medicine because he's an alcoholic. Trust me, whenever I quit drinking my bp drops to the floor after a few weeks.

@nickwheeler3193 4 жыл бұрын

Does anyone honestly get legitimately annoyed when Bert tries to defend not showering with soap

@BoolyK 4 жыл бұрын

Nick Wheeler nah nick we don’t have anger issues

@421less1 4 жыл бұрын

How about watching bert try to figure out Twitter for 3 minutes on the open? Fuck me lol

@williamzullo2937 4 жыл бұрын

nope cuz im here as a fan and if i wasnt enjoying it then i would just leave and not spend my time writing a comment about being annoyed

@canIgetuhhh 4 жыл бұрын

Tom, one of my favorite things I've ever seen recorded on video in my life is your laughter the first time you played 4 stroke guy. No laugh has ever been more infectious than that.

@WhiteEnough 4 жыл бұрын

Jesus, Bert is exhausting. I was hoping this episode would be a precious gem

@jorgecostanza7147 4 жыл бұрын

Ended up being more like Happy Madison

@cjangelo7517 4 жыл бұрын

That's what it is... I couldnt understand that I LITERALLY feel something different when Bert talks... You're right, he is so exhausting

@jorgecostanza7147 4 жыл бұрын

^Pun game going unappreciated

@JuanWick209 4 жыл бұрын

Bert says he's a huge Kristin Bell fan, but is surprised she was in Veronica Mars... She was literally the title character 🤦‍♂️😂😂😂😂😂

@edgar6368 4 жыл бұрын

He LOOOVES everything but it’s just bullshit

@jackfranks7160 4 жыл бұрын

He's such a big fan he doesn't even know her name...

@alexandergibson9754 4 жыл бұрын

Working from home and listening to this podcast on my stereo instead of my earphones at my desk. Someone keeps banging something and my sub make me think car doors are being shut in my driveway giving me anxiety lol

@MultiTravellingman 4 жыл бұрын

They always told me as a kid " shower before and after being in the pool" , I suspect a lot of his redness in the skin may actually come from not washing off pool chemicals and absorbing too much cleaner.

@JoseChavez-tu8ne 4 жыл бұрын

Then Wouldn’t it be better not to shower before the pool to have a later of dirt and grease over your skin

@shapes4893 4 жыл бұрын

Toms laugh at "I'm not an alcoholic" made me spit my food

@Wandows95 4 жыл бұрын

After watching this episode, I’m convinced Larry King is more coherent than Bert.

@kjcorder 4 жыл бұрын

sakkasouffle

@luciferscrotum 4 жыл бұрын

kjcorder mark womp-wall-wowl-walhberg

@thomasmohan9565 4 жыл бұрын

Wandows95 his tongue got caught in his teeth he could not see what he was saying

@jakesheldon7637 4 жыл бұрын

I have never laughed harder than when Tom started rapping berts freestyle. That was absolutely amazing

@Somegoy 4 жыл бұрын

Never thought there could be anything worse than bert laughing, til I saw him watching and laughing at a recording of himself laughing. It's like podcasts with a bearded drunk 11 year old thats having micro-strokes constantly

@denisemarie7991 4 жыл бұрын

Bert is so a bearded drunk 11 year old. Girl.

@yaboytroy357 4 жыл бұрын

“Would you rather be able to sing or dance?” Well Toms been dancing for 37 years

@de_activatedthe_band5117 4 жыл бұрын

bert: i'm a little bit of a podcast snob. *falls outta chair when someone says the r word*

@L3SSTH4NL33T 4 жыл бұрын

Is this the first episode that didn't start right after Bert said something horribly offensive off-camera?

@TheNinjaBees 4 жыл бұрын

L3SSTH4NL33T they had to cut it out it was so bad. The racist bastard

@mitchellkruszewski2616 4 жыл бұрын

He was to preoccupied w/his own (fake) penis, to say ANYTHING intelligible 😆

@samster2626 4 жыл бұрын

Tom did mention something about Bert saying Araaaab. 🤦🏻‍♂️

@LucaChuck25 4 жыл бұрын

Nah, some of the early ones, Tom didnt do it to catch Bert by surprise. I think today is an exception cause Bert was talking to himself

@lizhueneberg2233 4 жыл бұрын

I know fucking llllaaaammmmmeeee, shoulda followed proto BUD

@ggvilleman1 4 жыл бұрын

Bert Franticly : "She Was In Veronica Mars" Me: Dying! 🤣

@theacp6687 4 жыл бұрын

“I believe we’re providing a public service” YES YOU ARE and THANK YOU for it! I’m an army nurse doing covid response and let me just tell you; some dark times. THANK YOU for the podcast. Would be absolutely amazing to do more content because I’m burning through ALL of both of your content right now. Don’t know when I’ll see my kids again but at least I can watch you guys be hilarious.

@thelundquist 4 жыл бұрын

With all the "I'm a huge fan!" stuff, Bert is like a fatter, almost as drunk version of Jimmy Fallon

@REAPER3fitty 4 жыл бұрын

Almost as drunk hahaha

@dacolts89 4 жыл бұрын

He's definitely funnier, but that only means as much as you want it to mean

@shawnmcvey7789 4 жыл бұрын

Should've seen him when Adam Sandler popped into the live comedy stream from ATC... He said he couldn't wait to watch "Precious Gems" and his daughter loved "Happy Madison".

@marycallahan2334 4 жыл бұрын

thelundquist I hope he lives to see his daughters get married.

@Grizzly_Biscuit 4 жыл бұрын

"She was in Veronica Mars??!!" Yeah...she was in it...a few times.

@r2droo2 4 жыл бұрын

"Oh yeah she was in Forgetting Sarah Marshall"

@robertfrost8264 4 жыл бұрын

She was the titular character in 2 of the top "Known For" entries on iMDB and Bert was blown away..

@jaimegarcia911 4 жыл бұрын

This podcast is porb... No is the only thing on KZfaq i listen every second from beginning to end 😂🤣 I love these guys!!

@patrickmuhwheeney6518 4 жыл бұрын

Bert just is honest as hell, and I love it. Tom's freaking hilarious, and I love the looks to the camera....

@UseThisFire 4 жыл бұрын

Really nice of Tom to edit out all of Brent's racist comments at the beginning this time...

@jonahgarcia71 4 жыл бұрын

Brad Rys lmao

@jimothyj2638 4 жыл бұрын

Yeah I was expecting the usual, but the fact that Burnt was able to keep his seething racism simmering under the surface really surprised me

@av542 4 жыл бұрын

"That's why I'm not an alcoholic" Jesus Bert

@liamgell 4 жыл бұрын

The fucking freestyles KILLED ME. Really needed this 🤣

@WilliamJohnson-td3xe Жыл бұрын

Bert the Rollercoaster lmao love this. Can't believe it took me so long to find it

@Kevin-ne5yq 4 жыл бұрын

"Christina Bell and Zack Shepard"

@6vitamin 4 жыл бұрын

Kevin - Zacks’d, Daxz, Kierstin, Christina

@defenestrator9119 4 жыл бұрын

I'm a huge fan of Zaxon Shepard.

@kjcorder 4 жыл бұрын

but seriously.. who's zach.

@joshjacobs6276 4 жыл бұрын

Having two people on their phones is a really great way to start a podcast

@CrayonDestroyer 4 жыл бұрын

Love yalls podcasts independently and Two Bears is definitely my top choice now. Keep it classy nerds

@JaBroni803 4 жыл бұрын

between the pool, kids, and drinking diet root beer when does Bert have the time to run "7 to 8 miles a day" XD

@TLab21 4 жыл бұрын

"I really liked Burt Chryslers' special 'Hey Large Boy'. Great job Burt. " -Adam Sandler

@clintonleonard5187 4 жыл бұрын

Hi Fat Man.

@kazoshay 4 жыл бұрын

bert's favorite show is the precious gemstones

@OutlierConcepts 3 жыл бұрын

Bert: "I'm running a lot but not losing any weight Also Bert: "So im in my kitchen mixing a 5 gallon football team jug of Koolaid and Ill usually do it once or twice a day"