39:08 "Divorce used to be the stigma but now it's choosing to stay when you can leave." Well said!

Wow!!! She nailed it, broke it down into so many pieces, until there's nothing left! Everything makes so much sense!!

"When you pick a person, you pick a story." So True! Love this woman xxx

Yeap im currently sucked into the esther perel black hole and im loving it! Learning heaaaaps from her

Perel said that "Betrayal comes in many forms. Indifference. Contempt. Neglect. Violence." Wow. Very insightful, because there are plenty of actions one spouse does to the other, that bring infidelity to the union, where no sex was involved (yet). Sad. Tragic. That's life, sometimes.

What she said.... at the end... about best way to speak the ending of a relationship.... made me weep for the truth and honesty and sacredness in the tone and the words. Stunning. Absolutely stunning.

This is the most amazing and insightful, thought provoking talk I have heard regarding couples and relationships. It's enlightening. Thank you both for it.

My 44 plus year marriage story would read like a long novel. Among every thing else you can imagine there was infidelity on both sides.We split up for 3 years and went back and started all over again. We left the past inthe past. These last 25 years have not been easy but so with it! It just gets better and better. I am so glad we decided to reconnect and move forward.!

She is amazing and her eloquence and grace and conviction make most interviewers look like baffoons.

When someone wants to go, release them no matter the depth of your pain and disappointment. Pour your ability to love into someone who will reciprocate in a way that matches yours.

Mrs Esther Perel, Thank you for lending your amazing skills to the world. I have learned so much from you.

Esther Perel is an empathetic, observant, well-educated genius. Thank you, Esther, and thank you Chris, for bringing us her wisdom. I'm sure she and her book help thousands of people. hugs to you both!

Betrayal is heartbreaking but when relationships become violent it’s our moral responsibility to remove ourselves from the relationship & protect ourselves, it’s the right thing to do . It’s the only thing to do !

“Ultimately, it is the quality of our relationships that will determine the quality of our lives”...So true...

Esther is such a beautiful speaker , so passionate, so articulate, and I love her accent too. Her book is great. I am enjoying reading it. Thank you Esther

My sister just discovered her husband has been cheating for over 10 years. Listening to Esther is helping me to help my sister as she goes through this difficult process.

Esther, I have been watching your videos for a very long time, but this video really got to me. You are incredible! I am also Belgian so that got me watching in the first place but your words get right into my heart. I have just remarried at age 68 and have entered into this (4th) marriage with a very different set of values thanks, to an extent, to having listened to you. Thank you. You are truly amazing. PS. My first two marriages were great to start off with, my third lasted 25 years and was wonderful but my husband sadly passed away which broke me. He was fantastic. He was a Belgian Jew - I am Christian. My current marriage is so different but beautiful. I want to make this wonderful man happy. He makes me happy. These words are completely insufficient but obviously impossible to go into further in this space. 😊

Being in love is not for the weak

She is amazing because she is cutting through all the layers of morality and emotional truisms and gets to the real meaningful issues. She is helpful because once you can accept reality instead of projection or denial etc, you can start your healing. Whatever it means for you or the other, apart or together or something in between, the most important part is to be joyful in your life. Without judgement or shame. That will definitely always be part of it. It’s not a positive thing to keep a secret that you know will fundamentally hurt and potentially cause harm to many people in your life. The secret becomes a land mine. We are starting from a place of dishonesty already because much of what is taught as ideal or expected in relationships is a setup for failure in all but the rarest cases. It is sad that many only reach the point of complete honesty because they have been blown apart by groundwork that they could not see but from a distant perspective is unavoidable. Till death do us part is a very sacrificial oath, and not to the true health of either person so bound. We are very hard on ourselves with little logical reasoning a lot of the time. When this gets bound up in cultural norms and religious traditions it becomes very difficult to understand or accept when the ideal fails that it is okay to move forward or end the relationship. We need to be more careful when we promise something we don’t know how to give because all experiential life is subjective. Personally I think we should throw Morality into the trash bin and allow ourselves the decency to be honest with others and ourselves. Staying in a relationship to save someone a broken heart is just another form of dishonesty. The pain we suffer in secret is the pain we may eventually pass onto others but without any context or understanding. This can ruin lives in so many ways. She is on the right track with her insight and empathy as well as being able to explain nuance to audiences in a non threatening, non judgmental manner. I wish more therapists could have just half of her grace and wit. The world would be a much healthier place.

this video actually make me open minded, there is always a cause for anything ever happened, maybe we just have to face the real matter instead just being judgement of the idea of infidelity. Definitely gonna read the book.

Wow. So glad I came across this. Her goal was to help people rethink what we feel and what we’ve been taught about infidelity and I definitely have.

54:02 is straight FIRE! Esther has a way to speak so compassionately and assertively that is unmatched.

This is a fantastic presentation! She is so deep and sees such a wide spectrum of views that are woven together so well.

I believe most marriages ( 60-70 % in America ) happen not because of being in love with the person, but because of other reasons - belief that you have to be married after dating for few years, you are scared to be alone, belief that you need someone to pay your bills and buy you a house, belief that all your friends are married, so if you want to fit in the circle of your friends, you have to be a part of a couple, it's convenient to have a companion to come home to, habit of having someone to have sex with, belief that " my income and his income will get us better lifestyle", belief that my parents know best and I will trust them to find me a person to marry ...so I'm actually shocked that marriages last as long as they do, and I can totally see that being married for all these wrong reasons would easily lead to infidelity...as deep down you feel that the person you are married to is not "the one", so part of you wants to escape the marriage and continue search for your soulmate, at least that's how I see it...

Infidelity is a symptom of an internal conflict. I love listening to this woman since I share her opinions.

As Esther Perell says, sometimes things hurt, but that doesn't mean they're 'wrong'. Every change hurts. Every broken expectation hurts. Interesting to ponder about what pushes people to tell their spouse about an affair: coming clean being a selfish reason. I like how she cuts right through the BS, bless her for having a clear sight.

One thing I like from the Cuomos is their eloquence, elegant speech, assertiveness

This is the longest conversation but very informative video I have ever seen. What a relief.

I love you Esther Perel. Thank you! I think there are some relationships worth fighting for and there are some worth letting go of. In the end, the decision to leave or stay is yours.

the best talk with Esther that I hear till now. Thanks for the questions

I made a journal for 2 years with statements an conversations between my husband and me..because I thought I was going mad with paranoia..very clever gaslighting, 😭

Really enjoyed this interview. Esther is such a dynamic thinker and speaker. Chris did a great job facilitating a rich conversation.

I love the way Chris at the end kissed her hand you don't see that anymore it's a respect for a woman. Chris got great since of humor and his guest as well they both been very understanding to each other and gave each other time to express themselves. Great questions from the audience and I have to give Chris credit for picking the best ones and his guest to answer them.

She is amazing and I am so happy of that I had opportunity to discover her new way of thinking about relationships between people. She gives me new point of view. Thank you,Estel.

I have learned so much after listening to Esther’s conferences, interviews, her book, etc. THANK YOU ESTHER'!!!!!!!

Ester, as always invaluable in sharing her knowledge and experience on relationships. She informs in a way that empowers us to raise our own bar and do better in all our relationships. I’d love to here what a behavioural psychologist would have to say about Chris’ body language.

Friends of mine -after MANY years of living together - got married. Their contract was to re-convene their contract every year on their anniversary. They are now a solid 38 yrs together.

I think this is Esther’s best interview so far, I think this s£&t ain’t for the weak, love is a constant work and learning, most people just see things black and white.

Infidelity is actually really really common i came across so many guys who were looking to sleep with other people. Relationship is no joke the work that you have to put into it is very real

The talk was insightful and engaging. Also, the host drove the conversation in an enjoyable manner!!

Esther is an amazing speaker and truly has helped me look at relationships in such a positive way. She looks at each situation objectively to help couples face the challenges they experience. That genuine concern for both people involved in the relationship gives both parties a chance to learn and grow individually.

I love when Esther Perel smiles without showing the teeth. it's a mischievous smile

I love esther, her work, her delivery, her approach, her opinions and knowledge, I am not sure if I've seen (heard, read) anything by her that I didn't like. But this interview was hands down, the BEST 60+ mins I've seen with her in an interview format conversation, well, ever. I wish it could have gone on indefinitely. Embarrassing truth, I didn't even know who Chris was before watching this. But I do now! Highly impressive interview.

Its an amazingly written book by my favourite researcher on relationships. She is one person whom has poured enlightenment into my life.

what a great, great interview... 👍👍👍👍🌹 respect to both of them

The best host among her interviews. Great job. And she's getting more incredible than ever.

Wow just wow ! What an absolute needed interview for me. My wife and I are going thru a crisis and I think I am now ready to accept and work to rebuild our marriage. I hope my wife can also feel it too.

Such a charming, intelligent and extraordinarily articulate person. Very informative interview! Many thanks, Esther Perel.

Let's not ask "is this right or wrong", let's ask "how do we deal with a painful situation without bringing punishment, vilification and condemnation into the picture"

It comes down to respect for yourself and others

Esther Perel and Chris Cuomo I am so thankful I was able to watch this dialog about such a hurtful matter. This conversation is an eye opener

I’ve looked at this interview several times since it was first published and each time I find a gem of insight.

She is amazing in her ability to clarify and elucidate a very difficult subject. Wonderfully done, Cudus to Esher.

I love the way Esther Perel is explaining the things about the reality that is really going on nowadays and how to deal with it xxx

Dear Mr Perel, thank you so much for the time and energy placed into this book and the talks which accompany it. For years it had been bothering me that seemingly good upstanding love-able people can turn in an instant and resolve to such a "hateful" crime. Until I was that person, for which-ever reason i did it. Then for a decade i beat myself up for this "crime". I my understanding and acceptance of the human spirit had change over the years and i to have come to understanding that the action of cheating and being cheated is unacceptable but not wrong - for exactly unacceptable for exactly the reasons you mentioned in the the talk and it definitely don't make it less hurtful. For years though we are taught to hurt other by means of cheating is a crime and should be punished in the most serve way as possible and I owned up to my crime and even though i did not get killed physically i killed myself and every other possible relationship there after because of the notion that I am such a bad person. It was such a revelation to listen to the talk and see that someone else did the write about it and talks about it in the bigness that it is

42:12 this motto is one of the many reasons why people can’t commit. The other half doesn’t fit all the archetypes... and therefore you spend your years trying to find someone who can. It’s like trying to find perfection. The thing is, your other half may not fit all your buckets, and that’s okay!! So long as they try their best and show up to work in a loving relationship to the best of their ability.

“What it did to me and What it did for you” - that’s prolific.

Her tone of voice is astounding. She’s super smart and extremely charming. Her accent just makes everything sexy.

Thank you Esther, I can finally truly move on from my "failed" marriage knowing that I did not "fail".

Wonderful lecture on marriage and family counseling. Esther’s book is on my “must have, gotta read” list. Thank you for sharing.

Esther- you are an amazing speaker- so pragmatic, so helpful, so honest and fair! Bought your book which is very helpful. Your videos are extremely valuable. Thank you!!

These two are so fun to watch together ... great chemistry - great interview! Thank you!

Hi! Im from India. My mother said the very same thing to me as told by Esther in this video. We had this discussion approximately 13 years ago, im 27 now. She told me not to feel disheartened if that happens, one person cannot fulfill all needs.

Esther I am getting obsessed with your work.... it builds my strength on the reality you putting us through...

33:14 This part about feeling alive always sticks in my mind.

Wow!... A whole new perspective - enough for me to resume lookin' for love. This is good stuff! Thank you.

Loved this. Great interview and loved Chris wit and Esthers just amazing and a true professional in her work 💖

He could have taken the effort to introduce Esther Perel and her body of work. Esther is brilliant!

I am married 35 years and people clap. The marriage could have been bad but people clap for longevity

I have seen several of her talks, and she is brilliant.

A great author ! What would make her great is that she really have understood things totally ,and perfectly. Honestly, there is nothing to add to what she says , because she has made her words as an amazing piece of art ,gathering the best words to use ,and the best articulation with the best and the right thoughts , with the pretty accent, which cover her ideas with the beauty of the voice . She really deserves to be something very important ,and to have a very high position. Society needs so much people like her !

“I don’t think anything of if I just ask the questions” 😂 Such an interesting topic and great interview! Also chris is the whole package

This woman is so highly intelligent. I must find this book.

This is a brilliant interview. The guy is fun. The lady is refreshing to listen to.

her sense of presence has such clarity, within the realm of great change in relationships to oneself, and other. how great to be alive to see this time of exploring, life and love.

This is an amazing presentation

What a profound woman. And I love her humor too.

An amazing, articulate, beautiful and intelligent lady. Love her. He's a very charming, professional and charismatic interviewer who has done a really good job.

This was thoroughly beautiful. ♥ So refreshing Esther Perel. THANK YOU for these dialogues.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR INSIGHT ON A TOPIC WE ALL KNOW SO WELL... AWESOME INFORMATION!

One of the best interview i've watched on youtube. Chris was funny and overall an amazing interviewer. Esther as always was epic. i love that she mentioned Viktor Frankl. why am i not surprised.

‘@23:05 ‘’Maybe you’re not nice enough...and nobody wants to be with you’’ - Esther Perel 🤣

This is truly beautiful conversation about a very difficult topic.

I love this dialogue. I’ve never been married but I am a testament how a fractured marriage can be reconstructed through two people are resilient!

That was great she is amazing thank you for bringing her out

At last, it is about broken hearts. He is doing great and releases some female passion in her. In a good, healthy, amuzing way. Good interview. Thanks. 🥂

Thank you Esther - you are so deeply awesome & beautiful & a gift to mankind. Chris needs to learn from you.

LOVE to hear Chris comments on this more personal subject. 🤗 He’s sooo personable.

I know it would be easier for us all to believe that, when we do something that ‘we’ consider wrong, that we’re gonna find someone to tell us we did nothing wrong, but human nature is an emotional ride. The person who wants forgiving, in most cases believe in fidelity at all other times except when they are not doing something that they themselves also believe is wrong AND hurtful. I don’t believe in telling others which is right, but I do believe that no matter which way you live, that is up to you, but if you know the other person doesn’t live that way or would be hurt, reveal yourself to them and let them choose. I have friends who claim not to believe in fidelity, but it is only at certain times and when it is not at the deficit of themselves. Forgiveness and communication are huge factors in relationships. Forgiveness, when you really do have someone who’s made a genuine mistake and is capable of working to fix as a team; and communication, to be able to communicate to the other person your needs, so that lack of, cannot be a reason listed for cheating, as defined by both people before one of them cheats. Like the piña colada song. If you both could just tell each other your needs; but sadly, lack of communication and behaviors go way back before two people have even met-sorry antifreudians.

"this is deep and it makes me uncomfrotable but i want to know more, but i shouldnt be too curious," his words and body language speaks about how he feels. We must keep in mind his father Mario Cuomo former Governor of New York was a deeply religious man and that can explain why Chris Cuomo might feel uncomfortable. Esther is intelligent, educated, and gives great insight to this topic and living in such changing world from vs to the ones our parents have been living in. With such high rate of divorce, her insight helps to understand both sides of the spectrum. She doesnt give an answer per say but gives posibilities and understanding to the individual especially because every relationship is so different.

Esther the work you do is amazing! Please consider coming to NZ in the future 💖

Fascinating interview. Even though I am 76 and a widow, I may read the book 😍. She has such an insightful way of looking at relationships.

Love this talk!! Esther is always the best! So insightful!! Chris is sooo funny!! He made the talk even more enjoyable!! Love both of them!

I love this but how are the children not part of the story not that they need all the details of their parents marriage but adultery affects everyone in the family unit.

Refreshing view on relationships, expectations, shame from society, judgement and what I learned the most is taking a long term view and also that there are surrounding issues that lead to cheating, it shows that the relationship wasn't right in the first place. Communication is key

This is so good. Omg this lady knows her stuff and is on point. Good therapist here. Thank you!

Betrayal does come in many forms. Like when my graduation day came from college my spouse refused to attend/ celebrate.

33:40 and the response - brilliant. Exactly how it feels. The new stigma (staying and keeping it a secret) eye opening revelation; very true. ...Chris and Esther both really great in this, good chemistry.

I love her as a talker, but man I also love the interviewer! Watched a couple of Perel's videos and this is one that really brings new subjects on the table. Really a great interviewer who adds to the convo, lets her talk and is funny.

Great interview. I now have yet another book to buy and read