You feel crazy for seeing what other people can't see. It's like you are fighting everything alone because no one else will call them out.

This channel is a blessing

Before I knew about Narcissism, I called out my narc ex AND his family. Ohhhh man, I nearly lost my life. No joke!!! If you want to leave, don’t even give any explanations just quietly run for your life!

"Narcissists view SILENCE as PERMISSION"

Calling them out, as you all know, gives them narcissistic supply -- they love drama. So, it seems like a lose-lose situation: you lose if you call out the drama queen or king, and you lose if you don't call them out 'cause they'll continue to abuse you. Grayrock them, then go no contact and get the heck out of there for good (I know how difficult this can be). Otherwise, the lose-lose enabling pattern will likely continue forever. You can't win with a narc. You can only leave.

Empaths have had bad childhoods and very traumatic things happen to them and we don’t treat others like this. We are strong and Narcs see how strong we are and how we overcome everything and hate us for it! They are pathetic soulless creatures just like the tares in the bible. The wheat and the tares. They will TRY to destroy you because they are a weed that destroys everything around them.

I was an enabler before learning about narcissism from Dr. Ramani and other experts. I learned I'm an empath and I was always afraid to not be seen as a "nice" person. The first time I set my boundaries, it made me very nervous because the narc(s) would become vindictive but I stood my ground and fought through my fears as I set my boundaries and I'm happy to say some narcs discarded me because I was no longer their supply. Now I set my boundaries with confidence and feel more empowered and in control. It takes work and effort to remind yourself not to fall into the narcs traps but it's super necessary for self-perservation, self-respect and your own mental sanity.

We all enable the narcissists in our lives.We enable with a hope they would change,they will realise,out of compassion,out of unconditional love,out of a denial that somebody cannot be so cruel to their loved ones.The day we know we deserve the best and know our worth,we disable their power.

I loved when she said "STOP worshipping at their social media altars"! And "Cut their air supply"! Love it! 💯

“You’re too sensitive“ such a typical phrase! I grew up hearing that about myself my entire life! Then now that I finally call my family members out on their BS, and start setting boundaries I get told that I need to let God back into my life and that I need to get away from “Whoever is coaching me“ because obviously that person is an ungodly person… so, the funny thing is that after years of putting up with their abuse “in the name of God”, I decided to use the common sense that God put in my head and stand up to them, so they get horrified and start claiming that it is not their behavior what drove me away, and neither is the fact that I have a mind of my own, but instead they cling to the fantasy that “someone is coaching me”... unbelievable!

Family members just about never call a narc family member on the carpet. It just isn't done. Why? Because they don't really care all that much. The appearance of a loving family suffices, even if the family is destructive and insane behind closed doors. Chances are, outsiders will never discover the truth anyway. And those members also know that criticizing a narc is playing with fire. So family members choose appearances over substance. They take the easy way out. And people wonder why families are collapsing. My response to them would be: "Family? What family? There never was a family. Just a bunch of people who couldn't wait to get away from each other."

7:45 entitlement is mistaken for confidence, confidence mistaken for wisdom. Abrasive behavior is mistaken for assertiveness. So very true.

Narcissists create more Narcissists. Generation after Generarion after Generation.... on and on. And yes it fits in very well with our society.

My husband’s mother made snide comments about me for years, especially when i was a teenager (high school sweetheart). She always got a pass, because thats just “how she is”. It almost came to blows when i got sick of it. To this day he barely has contact with his immediate family because they “support” her and are on her side. There shouldn’t even be sides

Calling a narcissist out is a total waste of time - which I found out to my peril. Detaching / removing myself / having less and less to do with them has made me a lot healthier mentally. These people run around in your head in the most toxic way. My mother. My two ex husbands. My ex-romance-2018. A number of former friends. No contact is healthy for me. Boundaries are so hard to set but so worthwhile - after you have recovered from the shock of setting them!

The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything ― Albert Einstein

I just love the solution when you say stop showing up.

Oh yeah, that thing about forgiveness, is something I keep hearing. I understand it..but it's hard to forgive someone, when they never stop hurting you. Instead, the onus on me to stop being hurt and to " let it go". "Blood is thicker than water" usually said to enable toxicity in family.

Thank Dr Ramani, the timing of your advice on "Enabling" is perfect. My exnarc just came to my house to "just talk", I had to run to my front door and lock it and close my curtains, before he got to the front door. Talk about timing, lol. I have no intention of ever Enabling him or my mother or my sister. I've just realised they are narcissists and my father is Enabler. My life has become extremely lonely, as it has just dawned on me that I have been surrounded by narc's my whole life. Your helping me to understand what a narc is and to heal the deep, deep pain they have inflicted upon me over the years. I'm 50 and I just realised I'm now very & isolated alone on this journey we call life. God help me 😔

Seccccond chances and third chances and twentieth chances. Loves the way she says it. Really relatable. Hits the chord right!! This is so informative!!

Walk away is the best thing to do! Don’t engage is the answer! :-)

After a year of making excuses for the narcissist and having my back used as a doormat I stood up for myself and called him out. In return he blocked me on social media and we haven't spoken since. Before quarantine I would see him 3 to 4 times a week at the gym but we would never speak to each other. I could see he was waiting for me to come to him but I refuse to do that to myself anymore

I was one for giving too many second chances a couple years ago. Especially when my friends would say, oh he wouldn't do that. He's so nice. I thought maybe I was in the wrong and that there was something wrong with me. Now looking back on it, the only mistake I made was wasting way too much of my time on the wrong person.

"For evil to abound good men need only do nothing"

I believe enablers enable due to some underlining guilt. They also don't want a confrontation which would expose the truth because it makes them uncomfortable. The narcissist sees all of this as a weakness and a chance to continue their bad behaviors.

Yes, like when my ex narc shouted at me in front of his last few friends - enablers, I just shaked my head (I coudn´t speak bc I have PTSD) and the next day after a huge fight, when he said that it was my fault and I deserved shouting, I just left for good! And I´m free since then, soon it´ll be 1 year :)

My favorite phrase I hear from the abuser who can not change is, " The Past is the past you need to accept it" LOL I am so done with these Damaged People who refuse to get help for themselves.

“That’s just mom” or “you know how mom is” is a constant thing I hear about my MIL from my husband and his sister. My sister in law avoids her mom and when she can’t her and my husband go along with everything she says and amuses her. It’s so frustrating to even watch them talk to each other.

I once called the police on my narcissistic landlord. The officer literally said ‘unfortunately it’s not illegal to be a jerk and going in there would only make things worse.’ Just like you said Dr. Ramani. The world we live in...😪

Narcissistic abuse can only be understood fully by those who have been victims who are personally affected by the toxicity. Family, friends and society only witness the Narcs’ fake front, hence the added pressure for victims to stay silent. For over 20 years, I enabled my Narc husband because I was misled and conditioned not only by him but by those around me too into doubting myself, despite knowing deep down that something was horribly wrong. He enjoyed the immunity, because my silence was the license to extend his narcissistic lease. It’s fabulous that there’s so much information available out there now which explains and gives clarity to this madness.

I've stepped away from my narcissistic family system and I DON'T CARE what they think or say! I've had enough of the bullshit and refuse to participate in any way! You completely described the intergenerational system going on with my family. I see it perpetuated in the most recent generation. I just keep my mouth shut and do my own thing.

I am the scapegoated gaslighted family member. Everytime i try to tell people they start to see me wrong and distance themselves from me 😰😩

This is one of most useful videos I have seen on the subject of narcissism.

My aunt is finally divorcing her narcissistic husband of 30 years. I’ve realized from your videos that we had all been essentially going “gray rock” with him for years. He’d been not showing up to family birthday celebrations (even his own) and would leave holidays early because we didn’t give him the narcissistic supply he wanted. And now we’re so happy to be able to help her through this because we’ve seen through him for so long.

YES! Cut off the air supply!! This is how we fight! ❤️

Offten the narc victim is also a enabeler. I was for many years to my ex, and it is really hard when you realise that. And now that i know what narcisissem is i see it many places and and when i speak up, i allmost allways get enabeled back again, so it is really hard but i will never back to not speaking up, because if i can help just one Person to not having to go through anything like i went through, it is worth it. Love from Switzerland

You are so right! Cut the supply. It may seem inhuman, but it's not. It's called self-preservation and at it can also model healthy behavior to everybody else being abused by them.

My family 1000% enabled my sister’s behavior by appeasing her unreasonable demands, excuses like “that’s just how she is”, or “it’s easier to just give her what she wants”, basically peace at the cost of everyone else’s feelings. Thank goodness her spouse and children caught on and set up clear boundaries. Being the youngest (and only) sister, I took the brunt of her wrath growing up. Even before I knew anything about NPD or any of these terms, I knew it wasn’t right and that I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. When I began to stand up for myself, guess who was selfish and petty? Yep, This Girl! I made it through (she discarded me several years ago) but not without scars. Thank you for your insight, Dr. Ramani!

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT, Dr Ramani 💜🙏💜🙏💜 I am a survivor of physical, sexual and mental abuse with enabeling family members. It is SOOOO HEALING to hear your words🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏MUCH LOVE from Belgium

"when you appease, you enable; any time we give permission to their behavior, just by showing up, and putting up, we enable" (5:25). . . "it happens when you keep writing excuses for them, and their behavior"(6:22). . . "enabling is where they get their power from" (16:40)

I married into a wife and father in law in an enmeshed relationship with narcissistic tendencies. I’m the brave person that faces problems instead of sweeping them under a rug and now I’m the problem that’s causing all this and when it comes to me; they enable each other

Dr. Ramani, I cannot thank you enough for your work. True, you've mentioned that your advice comes off 'unforgiving' -but as someone who has been in the pocket of a narcissist, you've given me confirmation that it IS essentially war they wage against their victims... Because all war is based on deception, forgiveness is a deadly luxury. To regard them as nothing more than an opponent is not only the best way to get everyone to safety -it's also the right thing to do. To be deceived would be little more than negligence at the cost of suffering. And I believe, the defense of love is worthy of our most competent, strategic, and steely-eyed execution. Thank you again, Dr. Be safe out there.

It is soooo validating to hear what I know and have experienced in the workplace. The 'enablers'. In the workplace, I had a 'classic' covert, malignant, narcissist as a boss. All charm and charisma and he would literally charm people into anything. Whereas in reality and behind the mask, he was really the devil reincarnate. His 'core group' of cult like followers and enablers could see him do, perpetrate the most heinous things and literally aid him in carrying out this 'criminal' acts. All these people presented themselves as 'human rights activists'. When people DO speak up, no-one wants to listen or support that person because it is easier to do nothing, 'not get involved', turn a blind eye, believe clever and completely dishonest PR & media BS and the narc's smear campaign calling YOU crazy or 'a nut job'. When you believe the narc, they ARE emboldened and they are shown how much power they actually have. Which makes them grow & feel entitled 100 fold! Dr Ramani is 100% correct. We live in a culture of 'enabling' woven into the fabric of society. It is sickening 🤮

What a pity! We live in a world where adults need consequences to be decent humans. If only I knew this before marrying one. Thank you, Dr. Ramani for this terrific series. Thank you for showing me a mirror , validating my experiences and thereby helping me heal. Lots of love and light to you💛🌟

You are so right, Dr. Ramani. Calling a narc out is pointless because they're not listening to you anyway. All they care about is spewing their venom over innocent people and watching with glee as they to recover from the hurt you've imposed upon them.

Dr. Ramani, perfect topic, again!! Amazing. Today, am sitting after leaving my job . I chose not to enable the mid level beauractic who chose silence over my continuous effort of pointing out their full group of narcissism. At the end of the day, sure I was the petty one. I chose to not work with these people, because I couldn't allow them to damage me and break me further. I could have other job at hand and left the present. Thank you!! Love from India 🙏🙏

Such a great solution! The best I've ever heard! I hope everyone who needs to will start now to stop the narcissist in their tracks! Enough is enough!

Good stuff, knowledge is power and this knowledge is power for self defense.

Another great video Dr Ramani. I have a strange feeling that after what we are expecting now (Covid-19 Pandemic), we will start disabling those entitled individuals. Especially celebrities, full of themselves influencers etc. I hope at least some people will wake up 🙏

Thank you for reinforcing my stand on taking a stand against the bs from the narcissist in my life!

"Narcissists view silence as permission." Had to learn this the hard way. Forgave the narcissist multiple times - I didn't call them out. The enabler said, "he feels guilty." "He apologized, let it go." Years later, the narcissist called back and started his pattern again. It pissed me off so badly! I simply chose to go no contact. The enabler is still trying to get in touch. Have blocked him out in every way. @Dr. Ramani, I really appreciate your advice and help. It has been extremely helpful! Thank you!

This puts so much into perspective when me and my friends enabled our narcissistic childhood friend. I enabled and then stopped once I was so badly hurt by the narcissist. And when I try to cut them out or show consequences by giving less time with them I end up getting called out by my friends who keeps enabling the narcissist. And it's super messed up cause you end up thinking "I must've done something wrong let me apologize to narcissistic childhood friend"/give her a pass cause our friends told me to. Trying to leave the narcissistic friend and stop spending time with them ended up with me getting called out by our friends instead of our narcissist friend. Enablers do so much pain to you in order to not have a conflict or call out the narcissist. Thank goodness for the info because it's helped me understand my childhood friend group's enabling

I've always been an enabler. I am a super-sensitive empath who has learned to take on the pain of others and try to be the support they never got because that's where I come from at my core: a place where I did not receive that desperately needed support and acceptance from my primary caregiver. I constantly feel the overwhelming need to give what I wasn't given. I am 10 days no-contact from a 4 year abusive relationship with an alcoholic/narcissist, and all of those things I thought I was doing to "help" him and "protect" him continued to enable him to not take responsibility for his choices. He's homeless now, and that empath in me just feels utterly broken with that knowledge, because I feel helpless and I want so much to help him... but I can't. Thousands of dollars and SO much emotion down the drain keeping him in hotel rooms so as to avoid him winding up on the street, and that's exactly where he is now. The ache in me is absolutely consuming, and I know that this grief is going to take a while to get through. I also know though that going back would only be enabling him further. I cut contact for my own protection, and regardless of the messages I received as a child that now tell me that putting myself first is selfish I know that this is how it has to be. We were toxic for one another. He wasn't willing to make any changes, so I had to. All I can do now is pray for his safety and well-being, and try to move forward one day at a time with my own life until my heart no longer feels shattered. Thank you, Dr. Ramani! Your podcasts have been such a lifesaver for me through this terribly painful time.

I love this dictionary. Are u going to do one with codependency words too? Narcs are dark and toxic but as a rehabilitated codependent we must acknowledge we are not passive in these relationships. We were broken birds too hence why we fell for them. We need to embrace our own issues too.

The problem in my situation is NO one except me sees the true behavior of the covert narcissist.....he is perceived as being "so nice, so easygoing".......but I lived with the avoidant, gaslighting, lying behavior......no one has a clue..... ibut I'm starting to share more with people... I doubt it will change anything.....you are absolutely spot on about the scapegoating...if I ever speak about about anything, or stick up for myself for once, I am perceived as difficult.....I don't think these family dynamics will ever change , because it works for everyone-except me.

"Narcissists view silence as рermission" - that is so true! I was told рoint-blank "I treat you like that because you allow me" as if fighting to be treated like a human being was my resрonsibility. But make no mistake, if I sрoke uр and stood uр for myself, the tune would quickly change to "You are so dramatic and irrational, I cannot deal with that".

Many blessings for dr. Ramani. You saved many lives!

100% spot on. This is exactly the dynamic in my narcissistic family. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤️👍

This is hugely important! We go on and on about wars and bad leaders but we fall for their so-called confidence and charms every time and we allow the bad to happen...for the status quo. Later when the damage shows we blame those devilish bullies and conveniently forget that we, the rest, let it all happen....We co- created it.

I'm 40 & I'm realizing how deeply imbedded it is in our family. Enabling was viewed as support. I'm at the point, I've literally said "Hypocrites can't school me." Nobody says ANYTHING. Nobody will speak my truth 4 me. I've absolutely been an enabler. I kept falling 4 it.

Practicing this now. I watch you often, just to remind myself to never let my guard down.

Thank you for confirming that the decision I made was the right one. No contact is a statement to the rest of the family that I don’t approve of nor will tolerate that kind of behaviour. I will not enable the Narc nor will I be a “victim” of their abuse. I have always struggled because I didn’t believe that they were suffering the consequences of their actions. By going no contact, I am taking a stand and showing them the consequences of their actions. People that know me well, know when I do this, there is a damn good reason. Thank you for helping me along my journey!

Just when I thought I've learned all the angles of a Narc, you taught me something new. You're an amazing woman, Dr. Ramani. Thanks for helping me. ❤

AMEN!!! I was a sexual assault nurse examiner for 8 years. I think that testifying is what finally gave me a voice. The people who side with the perp in sexual assault, is the psychological damage in family sexual assault. I think most can get over the assault way before they can get over the ones who took up for the perp.

Brilliant Dr. Ramani !!! After this episode, I want to go and punch all those who ignored my warning bells and said the exact same things you mentioned. Forgive them, you are over reacting, old people cannot change we should respect them, blah blah. Thank you for this video. Feel so much more peaceful.

16:00 this is soo true. If only my family had stood up to my narc mother she would have been stopped in her tracks decades ago. The damage that has been done to the family structure is saddening to say the least. It is pure evil.

You are doing a great service! You have helped me immensely in just a few of your videos. Thank you.

Thank you Dr Ramani! I have found so much sustenance from your insights. I can't thank you enough.

Thank you so much for this. Most other people suggrst to play ball and praise them, and let them think they are right all the time. That didn't feel right to me to do that, it only adds to the problem. Huge relief to hear your version and suggestion 😊 Blessings xx

Encouraging me to be wiser and smarter about narcissistic relationships is greatly appreciated! A wise person loves knowledge and guidance.

I called my dad out and he started crying... like a child. It caught me by surprise because I thought it was a joke. Nope. I had to cut him off completely. Mom is an enabler. She’s about to get cut off next because she is becoming more manipulative because of him. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I stood up...I issued the consequence and it felt wonderful...there is no better way to establish self worth than standing up for what you believe in...BE READY FOR LONELINESS...yet it allows time to heal and process...STAND UP TO THESE BULLIES...#DAVIDANDGOLIATH

Hey doctor, been watching you everyday since last summer...do you know that you are a godsend? You've made me understand even swallowing some hard truths and I've never said this before to anybody because it's a really strong thing and shouldn't be thrown around lightly, you have saved my life,and even if I'm a bit better after a year, you keep saving my everyday and slowly helping me out towards acceptance, clearance and getting my strength back and then some.

Recognize what you're talking about. As a child, I learned to keep quiet. Growing up with a father with mental illness. He had terrible mood swings. Went on eggshell. My mom's other husband was a covert narc. A bit too much. I in turn choose the same type of men. Gets quiet and lets them go over me. But it's over now. Will never keep quiet again. Because I realize how sick I myself have become from keeping quiet. When they behave badly. Gets frozen. But no one ever goes over me again. Took 48 years. But it's not possible anymore. Then I totally break down. Join a situation now. But as I said Never again ...

Thanks for using microphone! it's so much better!

Spot on!! My TOXIC MIL- nobody says anything. BUT I did. And no we don’t engage at all & my husband enable his mom. She’s just a person so I don’t see why he can’t call her out on her bs. 🤯😡

Set boundaries for our mind, heart and souls and do what we have to do to guard our minds, hearts and souls 🙌🏻☀️

Dr. Ramani, you are doing the most important work of all. This video, like so many others of ours, should be intensively taught and spread all over the world. Thank you.

Enablers attack the Truth tellers, in the eyes 👀 of the enablers the Truth tellers can’t do anything right, picked apart with constant destructive criticism, while allowing the Manipulators to prey freely upon the innocent!!!

Dr Ramani is a guru in her own right. She is totally aware of the dangers narcissism impose on society as well as on individuals. Thank you!

OMG, I relate to this SO MUCH. I refuse to continue to enable the toxic behaviour in my family, even though this has led me to becoming the scapegoat. When I finally had the courage to call out the toxic behaviour, it only confirmed that this person is indeed a narcissist - all the red flags. That was confirmation for my cue to exit.

Dr Ramani thank you so much for sharing this information. This is life-changing. I have been dealing with a toxic family and a narcissistic father for so long, I felt like I was locked in this situation as no one has never been saying anything about his behavior or just stopping him. I still feel so difficult to set boundaries with my father though, this is super challenging...

I'm currently totally singled out and totally stressed out at work, because there are so many enablers who doesn't believe my experience. Don't wish it on my worst enemy.

I wish I could reach the calm but direct way Dr. Ramani presents her videos. She is officially a person I aspire to be!!

is so refreshing to hear this and have some kind of support that i've never had in my life... "yeah, i wasn't crazy" type of feeling

My ex said I was being threatening when I said there’s consequences when someone cheats.

I'm grateful for all the education, on this topic, you give us.🌏❤🙏

I am doing it now, it's pretty painful to see the effect. Boundaries are hard for empathic people. Thank you for your encouragement!🙏🏼❤

I love your content... I also love the definition of codependency that I heard once which applies so well here - codependency is the unhealthy tolerance of bad behavior.

OMG. You had to have made this video for me. I just realized that I am the enabler for my narcissistic sister and I have been for a good ten years, if not longer. Every time I said or did anything that my sister perceived as a slight against her, she would become furious and accuse me of criticizing her, judging her, attacking her. I would then spend hours, some times days trying to appease her, calm her down, plead and beg her not to take what I said as a personal attack. After all these years it finally dawned on me that I was giving her exactly what she desperately needed-attention. NEVER AGAIN.

This has helped me understand why I enabled my covert narcissist husband for 35 years. He played our 3 children against me and I would stand up for him instead of my children. I am ashamed of this now but at the time I honestly thought showing support for my husband came first. I never understood narcissism, only that he was an extremely difficult and angry person. I'm 15 months No Contact but dealing with the consequences now with my grown up children.... Narcissists ruin lives . Thank you for explaining, education is everything...

So true...my covert wife always uses silence as permission to continue abusing. No consequences keep her safe.

This is the most important video dr Ramani has ever made. The enablers are worse than the narcs!

Not only do I take away the audience, I also make sure he sees me take the checkbook. However, this video pointed to sooo many ways I still enable. Thank you.

This channel is finally having someone that understands you, what you're gone through. 🤔

In the end I had to completely cut off from my sister, and we haven't talked for a decade, and it is such a relief

Reminds me of many- "My parents never had a problem with my (bad) behaviour, who are you to criticise me? How dare you!" & "i am my daddy's lil girl" "If i want something, i get it! Daddy loves me soo much."

100% agree, I know people who've been hurt so badly as children, who are the kindest souls around and will not dream of hurting anyone

Thanks so much for this Dr. Ramani, this is an important video.

Great job, Dr. Ramani! Really appreciate you