And next day he is calm like nothing happened while the rest of us are traumatised

“People become so scared of the narcissistic rage that they become afraid of communicating with the narcissist.” Yes. This.

Another unsettling aspect of being in a relationship with this kind of person is how they’ll manipulate and push you by insulting, belittling, controlling, devaluing (and more) you, again and again until you to at some point lose it, lash out and all the pent up feelings burst out…and then they’ll use it as evidence that you’re the “crazy”, aggressive, violent one.

I always felt when dealing with this in a person it's like walking on eggshells. You're always having to be careful of what you say and do. You keep a lot inside yourself just to keep the peace. Its very uncomfortable and very unhealthy.

In my family, it was always in private. To the world, this person was a saint....but we knew. Sigh.

My childhood just flashed before me. Also raging in a car then expecting you to act normal when you get wherever you’re going.

My Dad was a narcissist with huge anger control problems. Was very draining to be around him. They're like spiritual vampires.

Ex-mother in law would always say: "He has a very sensitive nervous system. You provoked him. It's your fault". It was horrific

"None of us are responsible for the narcissist's rage." Amen 👏👏👏

The "positive" aspect of witnessing this rage is that it can help the narc's victim finally realize that the narc is not just "difficult" but truly disturbed.

Did anyone else's heart start racing when she started describing the violence?

The lying and manipulation from my ex narcissist were bad, but the rage was absolutely terrifying. He punched walls, broke furniture, threw things, screamed and lunged at me. He nearly got us into a car accident a few times while raging as he drove, sometimes with our baby in the backseat. I'm so glad it's over. Anytime I start to miss being married, I just reflect back on those incidents and thank God we got away.

You won’t want to tell the narcissist how you feel because you’re afraid they’ll just yell instead of talk it out and try to make it better.

Don’t forget the quiet rage where you can tell he’s raging but he holds back yelling. Crunching teeth. Furrowed brow.

Yeah, my only thought in how to avoid relationships with narcissists is to have a zero tolerance policy for rage. If it’s happens once, they are done.

I saw narcissistic rage triggered by: 1. A dirty spoon left in the kitchen sink. 2. The dishwasher loaded from the front to the back. 3. Her clothes were taken out of the dryer and put into a laundry basket. 4. She went to make a sandwich and there was no sliced cheese. 5. The peanut butter I bought was Honey Roasted, not plain. The list goes on like this for a depressingly long time!

Whether you're dealing with a narcissist or not, if you ever catch yourself thinking or saying "at least s/he never hits me" you are being abused. And it is not okay for them to treat you that way.

In my experience, it comes from “how dare you stand up to me, or how dare you don’t grovel, or who do you think you are not allowing me to control you!”.

My mother's narcissistic ranting sent my grandfather into a stroke and 10 days later he was dead. Back then we didn't know it was narcissism. Now we have a name to it. To the rest of the world she is a saint. To this day she sends all of us messages remembering my grandfather's birthday and acting like the best daughter in the world when she was the one that killed him. I'm just thankful I was the child that got away.

I grew up with a covert narcissistic mother. She did her "dark arts" when no one else was around. I completely agree it would look like a demon took over, their features would change and their voice would turn into something sinister. I would be left paralyzed in fear. I love your videos Dr. Ramani. Thank you!!

I can’t even watch this video without being retraumatized by the memory of that persons rage.

I always thought the “their eyes turned black” thing was either hyperbole or symbolism, until I saw it happen. It’s terrifying. My blood ran cold. The room went silent & all I could hear in my head was RUN. And run I did. That is the one time in my life I genuinely felt I might be about to die at the hand of another. If you ever see someone’s eyes go dark, I implore you to run as well!

The narcissistic rage depicted in the movie "Mommy Dearest" is hard for me to watch as my mother behaved towards me like that. Eyes popping out, screaming, whipping, slugging, verbal abuse.Somehow, I always knew that there was something wrong with mommy. A realization that saved me.

My siblings excuse for my narcissist sister (I'm her target) is that she had a hard life. Her life was a dream compared to my life. There are many, many people who have had hard lives that don't treat people the way she treats me. She sometimes gets short with them, but to me it is always name-calling, put downs, gaslighting, and humiliation. Since I'm the scapegoat in the family, they, of course, blame me. I went no contact with the lot of them. Best thing I ever did for my mental health.

Narcissistic rage seems like an adult version of a temper tantrum when their insecurities, patholgies, or viewpoints aren't indulged. It's ego based, not righteous anger. It's immature.

"You become so fearful of their rage that you get paralyzed and you get stuck"!!!!!!

It was my Dad's way. As a kid his frequent raging terrified me. I learned to avoid him at all costs...so I grew up without a father, although he lived in the same house. The results were anxiety depression, guilt and a social awkwardness, which has in various degrees, accompanied me throughout my entire adult life. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your videos. Now I realize that none of it was not my fault and that in itself is a big relief.

My dad did this rage act so much at me as a child, he even once broke the car dashboard punching it as he drove, raging at me. And people still have the gall of telling me that "I need to forgive", and stop being so cold "and have a good heart". My whole childhood and early adulthood was a panic attack and terror of angering him.

Oh the rage especially in the car while he was driving. Terror,,pure terror.

Their rage can be so meaningless a lot of times.They show rage sometimes in order to make their victim chase them and beg them to cool down,which increases their power. That rage is a clear indication of someone hurting their fragile ego.

Yes! The bulging eyes, the bared teeth, the screaming, the horrible personal comments, the yelling right in my face, the slamming out of the house----- OMG having flashbacks of the worst two years of my life. I would have moved out but I was afraid to say I wanted to leave.

My mom had two scare modes. With the first, her eyes would get wide, and she would get this insane smile on her face almost like a mixture of hunger and euphoria as she relished the anguish she inflicted. The second was intense anger, screaming, and physical violence. When in public you would catch a subtle glance from her to see where she was going to direct her rage after we got back home. Having a parent do this is terrifying. You are still developing but a psychotic monster has control over your whole life. She manipulated everyone around her to not believe me, and make me out to be "crazy".

Legit crying watching this because this is my life. The road rage, the outbursts and the blaming. Him getting worked up over nothing, over stupid silly things and making mountain out of molehills. It’s enough to make you go insane

"Narcissistic rage is often a relatively early red flag you see in a narcissistic relationship that people choose to ignore"... I wish I had seen this video 4 years ago.

And narcissists NEVER apologize for their horrible behaviour!!!!!

Each sentence you say is pure gold!!!!

They often go into their rages over you not doing what they want you to do, and try to say it’s because you disrespected them. They order you to do things, throw in a fake compliment to try and manipulate you into doing it, and then rage if you choose not to do it. They are just messed up people who never grew up.

Telling a narcissist no is like lighting a stick of dynomite. It has happened to me many times.

So basically, they're just big babies that bully.

I heard a gem from my therapist once, while getting counseling about my relationship with my abusive, rage-filled husband. She said " You didn't break him. You can't fix him." That opened my eyes to my inability to fix his pain from his horrific childhood. No matter how much I loved him and was willing to sacrifice for him, only God could fix him.

I finally left last week during the pandemic with my daughter. Reasons for his rage. Didn't refill the paper towel, couldn't calculate the equation in my head, asked him not to trim the hedges too short, the GPS wasn't working and it was my fault and I did it on purpose, daughter couldn't answer a math question... I'm out!! Now helping my daughter recover from this.

The Narcissist will push any normal person to the point of rage it is part of their plan to undermine your human dignity. They don't observe a line, there are no boundaries

Man this helps me so much. I have been wrongly accused and called the worst names you could ever scream at a person. His face would contort to a snarl, spit flying in my face, finger pointing. Its horrifying. Also, over the most trivial of transgressions committed by me. I am baffled and very hard on myself for choosing this person. Someone that promised to love and take care of me. I have never cheated. I remained devoted, and I loved all my heart. I was truly a fool. In his eyes I am evil, a liar, a witch, snake, bitch, whore, slut, fat, ugly, I should burn in hell, Ect (I can't say the more explicit things) I am seeking more treatment. This man is my husband. He left, and says I am not worth going to jail over. I suppose the stonewalling and abuse can stop and I can move on with my life.

I've been on the receiving end of this rage you speak of. It is sudden, unwarranted, Loud and can last hours at a time. My Narcissist would talk to herself out loud, talking her self up in rage to the point of hitting walls, yelling at the top of her voice, going outside and throw the patio furniture all over the yard. The pets in the house would all run and hide and would stay in hiding till the next day in most cases. As time went on THE RAGE would grow in intensity and got to the point that I would take the pets and lock us in a bedroom so she couldn't get close to us. Experiencing this rage is a terrifying experience over the smallest simplest things.

wow she's brilliant. Wish I could see her in sessions. I'd be so much healthier. we need more people like this women in the world.

I was one of those “he never hit me” ok but he punched and broke my bedroom door multiple times, slammed every door and cabinet, terrified me as he drove super fast, oh and let’s not forget him towering over me and spitting in my face. Sounds like violence to me

The turnaround from talking or arguing to rage is so dramatic and quick, that it makes you catch your breath and recoil in anticipation of the worst. I always knew that point, when he would go "over the edge" and I needed to take shelter. Normal convo turned into an "attack" on you within seconds and you had better go fast to take cover. What a horrible way to live! How do we manage to deal with this behavior for so long and not lose ourselves completely? The violence he expressed against me (even if I was not being 'hit') eventually is what made me run for my life. It was, as Dr Ramani said, only a matter of time before he took it out on me physically and perhaps, 'finally'.

I remember one time being really young, going to McDonalds with my dad. They got his order wrong in the drive thru, and he went crazy. Driving over 60mph in a 30mph zone, whipping his McDonalds bag out the car window, screaming at the top of his lungs, and screaming at my brother for asking him to stop. I also remember him breaking my ipod in front of me after getting mad at me one time. Years later my therapist helped me realize he was a narcissist.

I had become so numb to his rage that when he hit me is when i finally woke up and could take no more ive been divorced for years now thank God i got out with my life.

This is why getting married or having children quickly with someone is sometimes a bad idea. They can’t hide that rage for long so it’s important to date for a couple of years before permanently connecting with these Narcs during their “Love Bombing” phase... they can’t hide that rage for long then you can see the true them and leave.... I wish they taught Narcissism and other personality disorders to children in grade school or high school. Then we could spot a Bully quickly, get away and stop these codependent relationships.

This was my narc mother right up until I went NC. If us kids stood up to her in any way, didn't do everything perfectly all the time she would lose it. Throwing furniture, punching into us. Screaming like a lunatic.

Dr Ramani….. I can’t thank you enough… THIS is exactly how they behave!!! It’s shocking and terrifying!! He would always say I made him fly into rages…. So delighted I ended relationship… it was like being held hostage! They are truly evil!!! Thank you again…. This is invaluable 😀

When meeting my narc boyfriend, at the time I did not know much about narcissism. As I watch Dr. Ramani's videos now, I just need to chuckle a bit because he did E X A C T L Y what her videos describe...it was like clockwork: 1. The LOVE BOMBING phase was the first 6 weeks or so. 2. The first RAGE session was when I asked him a question about his diet. Big screaming rage session followed where his eyes turned red, and he then threw our whole dinner in the trash. 3. After such a rage session, he acts as if everything is normal, and when he saw the fear in my eyes, he asked "what's wrong with you/why are you so distressed?" 4. I do not leave him, because I hold onto who he was in the love-bombing phase. I also believe the EXCUSE he tells me about his sad childhood, and I believe that I am the one to heal him. 5. The fact that I do not leave him after his first rage probably triggered the DEVALUATION stage, because he believed that there are no consequences to his actions. 6. Then comes GASLIGHTING, triangulation, more narcissistic rage, you name it! 7. Then I develop a lot of anxiety, and even as someone in my 20's, start developing physical ailments and pain in my body. 8. I somehow, with what little strength I have, decide to leave him. He HOOVERS me back saying what he did was wrong and that he deeply wants to change--he needs ME to help him change. 9. A little bit of love bombing from the narc works on me, but this time he love bombs for only a few days before flying into a rage again. 10. The cycle repeats with devaluation and more gaslighting. Thankfully I was able to end the relationship and celebrate 60 days of no contact :).

This was the first red flag I experienced while 3 months in with a narc. He couldn’t even listen to anyone else’s point of view without feeling attacked. So highly insecure. I learned to keep secrets. I even purchased a house without telling him after rage after rage. We only dated a year so I didn’t feel obligated to tell him everything I did during that time. I made an offer on a house and it was accepted. He raged on me yet again one evening in public at dinner. I decided enough was enough and he woke up to a text saying “thanks for yet again showing your anger. I see the real you and I’m done. Btw, I bought a new house for 500k. I’m leveling up without you. Fuck you”. I was done done done! These assholes should not have any power over you, ever. Keep your autonomy legally. Do not give them an inch.

Our HR was a narcissist and two weeks before her death, while she was at home, sick on chemo, she was still making waves at the workplace and starting drama. She had no time left on this earth yet that was somehow still important in her last, dying days. She was hell to work with. Her dying was like being saved by the bell. She was highly manipulative and could pretty much command our superiors to do whatever she wanted. To her, losing control was worse than death. Works been a lot easier since she’s been gone.

I married a retired pro athlete and we are in the process of a divorce. EVERYTHING you say in your videos sounds like our almost 9 year together. The "rage" part is on point! I remember a time he had a "N rage" he was saying so many hateful things in front of our daughter that I calmed down and asked him in a hurt devastated way "why are you talking to me like this. talk to me with respect as your wife, the mother of your child, a friend. How would you like it if someone talked to our daughter like this" This has been the most eye-opening experience! Worst thing for me is that he has a lots of health issues. When I met him he was alone in pain, I said I would devote myself to see him better "he is so amazing, why is he suffering like this"..... I did! As, soon as he was better he found someone else to spend is healthy time with. When I decided to leave he had gotten sick and was in the hospital. I seen a text where he was saying he loved her. I was so hurt to know I put my life on the back burner to better his for him later to continue to ONLY want to better himself. He completely stopped noticing ME! Living with a narcissist has been the biggest mental challenge of my life!!!

Oh, the crazy, terrifying car rides. I never looked at it as violence. I feel sadness for the younger me who did not recognize this as abuse. Thank you for your work Dr. Ramani ❤️

My husband raged for ten minutes and threatened to sell the house because we ran out of ketchup.

I have experienced narcissistic rage,. It was so scary and unsettling . I did leave my abuser during domestic viilence month last year, and gave had no further contact. The verbal abuse lasted 11 years before it excalated to violence. That narciistic rage isalways lurking beneath the surface. I should have bowed out with grace and dignity years ago. Thanks Dr. Ramani, you are a real jewel.

My mother is a covert narcissist. I spent much of my childhood dealing with her terrifying spells of random rage. I only figured out recently (40 years later) that my asthma, sinusitis, etc. are all my body's ways of defending itself from this repeated horror as a child.

I left my ex after 33 years of marriage. He was physically and verbally abusive, dismissive, insulting, controlling - the list goes on and on. The final straw was when he ripped out a railing from the plaster in our house as he looked at me like he could kill me. Scary stuff. I've been free for 6 years. It's doable - therapy and supporting friends and my sister helped tremendously. I had to learn who I was, what I like. I walked on eggshells the whole marriage. Life is good now.

I've dealt with narcs when they exhibited narcissistic rage...they TRULY acted *evil/hateful/demon-possessed* 😬 and the amount of anger/hatred/vindictiveness was ALWAYS *disproportionate* to what they were angry about 🙄😅

My spouse grew up in this environment, was spoiled and enabled and now he's full blown narco. I grew up in a violent and verbally abusive home. I'm the people pleaser, but can never satisfy my abuser. This goes on daily now for 15 yrs. I've taken a vow and decided I deserve this and will deal with it. It's much worse somehow, but since my spouse was diagnosed with cancer and just started treatment, I'm stuck and we both suffer

Last week my mother threw a tantrum of narc rage when I shredded a piece of junk mail that she wanted to read. I just stood there looking at her . I didn’t even flinch. No reaction. So she grabbed my iPad and said” I’ll throw this” . I calmly said. “ okay”. It was so ridiculous. The rage was off the chart. And actually, for once I found it hilarious and I laughed it off, and kept going,👏🏼👏🏼I wish I had recorded the entire event. I never think that fast on my feet,

"Narcissistic rage is the genie you can never put back in the bottle." These words bore into my soul the first time I heard Dr Ramani say them and then the floodgates opened.

Her "vomit" comment was spot on!! I used to say my ex-husband was like a sea gull that flies over and craps all over them and flies off feeling lighter and free all the while the rest of us are standing there with crap all over us.

Here is a story from my childhood. My parents were always switching seats and tables in restaurants for awhile. Too cold too close to the door too Smokey. They would also get all fussy with who sat where. My mom wanted my Scape Goat brother to switch with her. He was eating and said no. She dumped him out of his wood chair in front of everyone. That day I knew this was not ok and not normal.

I’m working on forgiving myself for not leaving and being discarded.

The narcissist I dated was mad at me when I caught her cheating. She became violent. Leave these people. They only love themselves. Be careful leaving a narcissist. Leave them carefully.

What's worse is that when they are in rage and gaslight you and provoke you to yell back and get very anger from the pain they are inflicting on you, they then secretly press the voice record button on their phone so that they can use that to make you look like the angry unstable one.

Yep, absolutely terrifying. My life with my husband for 46 years. I finally realised I was in mortal danger as the abuse escalated and I understood things were never going to get better. Going though divorce and financial settlement now. OMG what a nightmare 😢 I’m thankful I finally reported the abuse, he now has a conviction I have a restraining order for protection. But he is doing everything in his power to hold up settlement proceedings. God help me to get through this 🙏

I’ve had at least three narcissistic bosses, all of which have had explosive tantrums in front of clients and employees.. frightening

I grew up thinking that narcissistic rage was a normal way for a mom to show her disappointment. Boy was I wrong...

So true! The narcissists also use their rage as a form of control of others. They can control themselves, which is why they choose where and when to rage.

My narcissistic ex frequently had these moments of rage. Screaming that was very scary, name calling, accusations, all of it. I was afraid of him when he was in that state. However, one of the things he also loved to do was poke and poke and poke at me in a passive aggressive way until I became angry. When I am in a confrontation, my tone does change, I become very succinct and to the point. He would tell me this was me “becoming hostile”. In my heart of hearts, I knew that this was not hostility, I was preparing myself for his rage and trying to nip it in the bud before the tantrum could happen, but after I while he convinced me that I was hostile and volatile. Eventually I started doing the opposite, I would just apologize and agree with everything he was saying. He then would tell me that I was being disingenuous and it was like “talking to a wall”. No matter which route I tried to take to avoid the awful fights we would get in, it was the wrong route. The relationship ended months ago and I am still left wondering if maybe I really was the problem and a bad person, even though none of my other relationships came close to being as toxic as the one I had with him. People like this will EXHAUST you to your core, and make you doubt and question yourself over everything.

My brother created a situation that justified, in his mind, physical violence against me. He tried to beat me up, his little brother. Well the more that didn't work for him the madder and more enraged he became. It escalated fairly quickly to his trying to bash my brains out with a cast iron stool. This was when I was 21 and he was 24. He told my other siblings that I used my karate to beat him up. The reality was I just tried to keep him from hurting me. I'm now 61 and he has really done a lot of damage to my relationships with my other two siblings. I'm the truth teller that became the scapegoat child. I keep all of my siblings at a distance and am pretty much a loner that doesn't trust many if any people. This loner situation was made much worse by the female covert narcissist that I was married to for 5 years. I've got depression issues, alcohol addiction, anxiety and trust issues. Being the truth teller is a special talent, but is also a curse. It's almost impossible to avoid the issues that come with it. I would still rather be an empathetic person than a person with no concept of empathy.

as a child, I rememeber living in absolute terror of my dad. my sister and I constantly walked on eggshells, wouldn't make a peep, did every chore we were given, because if not there would be hell to pay

ALL of these :( "immune system dysfunction, headaches, muscle aches, exacerbation of existing health problems, problems with sleep, problems with concentration, changes in appetite, a whole range of psychological issues including anxiety, fear, rumination, avoidance, hypervigilence, sadness, depression, helplessness, hopelessness, powerlessness and even isolation" And being suicidal.

My ex's rages were absolutely terrifying. The last one was the final straw and I go out.

Just experienced narcissistic rage after a narc I know broke into my home. He berated me for how messy the apartment was, then flew into a fit of rage. He continued texting me for days. I answered sternly and appropriately at all times. So now I get the silent treatment and he is talking with everyone about what a douchebag I am. You can't make this stuff up. The audacity of narcissists is just unbelievable.

If only I had understood this, 47 years ago!😥

My narcissist wanted servants. He wanted to be the king and boss everyone around. It was scary.

Being with a narcissist through covid who was antimask was so scary. 24/7 triggers for narcissistic rage every single time he saw someone wearing a mask outside of a hospital...

After over 50 years, the level of rage and belittling was so epic and I find it easier to break those ties now. Thank you for this. It’s helped me to understand.

Dr. Ramani is right! Narcisstic rage eventually leads to physical violence. This video was so spot on. This series has been so helpful and enlightening. Never again!!!

It’s funny how in a dysfunctional family dynamic the narcs bully insults and rage are acceptable but when the person that is being scapegoated or belittled gets angry everyone attacks them... Very sad Thank you Dr Ramani 💓

WOW… this is so true!!! I did see the signs early… and made excuses for him. I really wish I would’ve known what I was getting myself into! Because those signs did turn violent and I refuse to be labeled as the victim! I am only two months out of the horrific situation I put myself in after being stripped from everything! Rage for narcissism is the absolute worst!

Both my parents used to scare the heck out of me as a kid. They looked like out of control lunatics to me, and I was a little kid!! I felt like a horrible kid and felt like I was always letting them down. I stayed away from my dad for years because I was afraid of him...even as an adult. I always sided with my mom against my dad when she would complain about him to me (I was 8). I've always felt so protective of my narcissistic mother. She's 92 now and very bitter and unhappy. I put myself through school and am starting a new career. She definitely has mixed feelings about my success.

The narcissist I was with got satisfaction from knowing that I feared him. It made him feel powerful.

I imagine listening to this will trigger CPTSD trauma. But I can attest to this. Get out before your health is impacted - or you’re potentially killed. The rage flips faster than a light switch and is horrifying. Like living out a psycho movie.

I've lost count of how many times I had witnessed his rage. It's always over something petty as Dr Ramani said and watching a 40 year old man throw a chair across the dining room, yell at people in public, put down others on a daily basis, scream in my face, swear at me and shove me to the ground is the most disgusting behaviour. My 3 year old Niece and Nephews have more emotional maturity.

Just gone trough my first experience with this kind of rage, it’s absolutely terrifying. I’m a very sensitive person, it scarred me so much. I’m afraid he will punch me next time, so I have to get out. Luckily he’s giving me the silent treatment so I hope he will continue this forever. I’m not up with this. Thank you for explaining this rage, you saved me from much hurt

My dad raged at me, for telling him to let me finish the page I was reading in my book and then I would watch TV with him. He beat me that night, also after that night was the night I chose to leave. Which led to me to leave and then my sister left after me. We still need a lot of therapy and help but we are getting better 😌.

When the rage hits and they can't get a rise out of you they will interject things that are not even related to why the are raging in the first place. The absurdity of the what they are saying is key to what they are projecting. Very frighting and sad.

She used to say everytime I would try to talk about it with her "they're just anger words". Yeah...hate and rage vomited all over everything in the room.

This segment hit the hardest for me because I began to rethink all the rage I witnessed when her mom would say no. I thought it was how she handled anger but Ive begun to see the constant pattern of excessive rage when things didn’t go her way. When she would blowup I would always get this growing fear of “what’s going to happen”. Even in the past she would physically punch me when “anger” at something I didn’t do but always say “you know I have anger issues” or if I would assertively say that HURT! It was always “you’re being sensitive and i didn’t punch you that hard.” I’m in complete shock now that these were clear signs of abuse and rage because a friend, family or partner should NEVER lay their hands on you and blame “anger”.

The air in the room changed. Like before a tornado hits the air goes eerily calm and full of static electricity at the same time, the barometric pressure changes. Its really really scary. Eyes changed color like a shark or animal going in for the kill. There were times I would just stay quiet, not react and he would continue the rage to a corner in the room, he would look for a mirror to watch himself. He would scream at "me" and not even see me. It felt like those nightmares when you can't move, you can't run. Its so damaging and takes years to work through. Get out if and when it is safe for you to do so. As soon as possible.

Every part of this is so sadly true. Childhood tantrum from a deep voiced 50 year old man is draining.

No excuses-he went into a narcissistic rage driving down a crowded highway because someone “cut” in front of him in a five car space ahead of him, he was driving 75 miles an hour-on a 55mph mark-screaming, banging on the steering wheel and taking his hands off the steering wheel-to pull at his hair-then trying to sideswipe the driver/car-I took control of the situation by screaming at him to pull over and stop the car-he refused until push my side door open-I had my seatbelt on-when he did I got out of the car and refused to get back in-he drove off in a fury and one of the other drivers who had witnessed this horrid scene gave me a ride home, the man and I had been on a first date-and that was the biggest brightest red flag ever! I was glad to have survived that trauma for sure, but I’m wary about getting in a car on first dates.

I always wondered about these tantrums my mom would display over nothing. These raging moments always surprised me when they happen but thinking back of her pattern of behavior I would inquire of her well being always triggered her tantrums and she let me know I am the reason there is drama in our family. I am the scapegoat of the family. Example: She is visiting us in the city and has declared she was tired and wanted to stay home the next day as we had been sight seeing a few days already. I agreed and advised her my cousin wants to see you can she come visit tomorrow for brunch? Yes that would be great my mom replied. We get my cousin on the phone and my mom proceeds to tell her this long laundry list of foods she wanted my cousin to bring. This list would require my cousin to wake extra early and go to two- three different bakeries in diff parts of town all via different trains and then catch another train to get to our place. My cousin then tell us okay I'll pick up all your favorites and be at your place around 10am. My moms replied after speaking on the phone and planning this visit with my cousin was " Okay but I might not be home at that time. I asked what do you mean mom where are you going and she shrugs and laughs coyly and says oh I don't know.My cousin was rendered speechless but I was not. I quietly thanked my cousin for her time and said I will call you back and got off the phone. I look at my mom and ask again What was this all about? and she just gave me this weird look and I asked again trying to be calm and explained you said you wanted to stay home and my cousin has been wanting to visit with you for days now and I checked if her visit was okay as you wanted to stay home. now after 30 mins of giving a list of foods you wanted from certain bakeries and my cousin says 10am arrival time you all of a sudden tell her you might not be home. What is this about? because this is not normal behavior. My mom proceeds to start screaming at me and getting so mad and went and slammed the door on our bathroom and lock herself in the bathroom. Meanwhile my husband had been at the quickie mart picking up some supplies and had missed the whole conversation on the phone but arrived asking me what was going on because my mom was hitting the walls in the bathroom and slamming the cabinets and screaming and cussing in our native language. I kept begging her to come out and calm down and I was crying and this is the scene my husband had walked in to. He had heard about the tantrums but to hear it first hand and witnessing the stories of my childhood right before his eyes broke him. When my mom realized my husband was home she went quiet and came out to sit at the dinner table when I was serving dinner as if nothing was amiss. No apology. No explanation of why she got so angry or why she was acting passive aggressive to my cousin and me. Nothing. This is a picture of my whole life in this one story. Did anyone else experience this type of behavior growing up?