“Express Your Vulnerability and Own Your Voice in Relationship”
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In this video, we're going to talk about how to express your emotional experience and be transparent with how you're feeling to your partner so that you can create a more authentic connection and deeper levels of intimacy.
Key Question: “In the last webinar, you were talking about women expressing and showing their vulnerability to their partners. I would like to know at what point exactly in the relationship can one do that without being overwhelming to their partner? And, how much vulnerability can one show? We have been led by our instincts, and most our most of the times our instincts fail, so women would just be better keeping their issues to themselves wouldn't they instead of getting negative vibes?”
Oftentimes, it's that concern around negative emotions that has us honoring harmony over honoring our truth or the truth of what needs to be said in the relationship which can cause more problems because if we are too over there trying to figure out how we can say something so that they receive it and react the way that we want them to react, we can oftentimes end up in a situation where we paralyze ourselves. This can confuse our partners. This can lead to breakups. It's going to lead to a whole host of problems. I just want to say that this is both on the men and the women side. This is a people problem, it's not a woman or a man problem. It's both.
[00:05:35] Expressing Your Vulnerability Tip #1: Timing
The first thing that pay attention to is timing. What is it that you've got going on and within you? And is it the right time to express this to them?
[00:06:54] Expressing Your Vulnerability Tip #2: Being Able to Sit with The Emotional Experience
Along with timing, one of the principles in this that's married closely to it is being able to sit with the emotional experience. You're having as an individual and not feeling the need to share it immediately because that can come off like you're wanting your partner to fix you, or fix the experience, rather than you being able to stand with it. Rest with it.
[00:07:35] Expressing Your Vulnerability Tip #3: Respond from an Adult Ego State
While you take a step back, as you're processing an important maneuver that one can make internally, is to begin to move into their adult ego state. From the child ego state to the adult ego state about the emotion.
[00:08:54] Expressing Your Vulnerability Tip #4: Take Ownership
Another key piece about moving into the adult ego state is that we have time then to also look at the emotional experience and we get to take ownership of it. And an example of ownership in in this case would be let's just imagine that there is a disconnection happening in the relationship or your experience of you with your partner is that you feel disconnected from them.
[00:10:43] Expressing Your Vulnerability Tip #5: Don’t Assume You Understand Their Intentions
Whatever experience you're having and whatever you think is going on over there inside of your partner's mind don't assume you understand their intentions. When we lose curiosity inside of this vulnerability or this emotional experience that's coming up with us, if we lose curiosity for what's going on over there, it's no longer a conversation.
[00:11:43] Expressing Your Vulnerability Tip #6: Speaking About Parts
Communicate from a place of speaking about parts. Speaking about parts within yourself. If I say “I'm feeling very disconnected” that's one thing but if I say, “Hey listen. A part of me is feeling very disconnected,” then what that assumes is that there's another part of me that perhaps still feels connected to you enough to actually have this conversation.
If you are a woman watching this video, I've got a very special webinar that I'm putting on with my teaching partner, Jack Butler, called The 3 Keys to Being Relationship Ready; where we dive into all of the stuff in depth and we go into the identity level roles that get in the way of intimacy that block us in our dating life and block us in relationship and finding love.
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